Please help me,
I am 21 years old and pregnant with my first child. I am still with the father who I have been with for 5 years. Initially I was very excited about having this baby, I'm already in love with it now, and would die for it. However I am very frightened now because I think I am going to be a horrible mother. Before I was pregnant I hated myself anyway because I seem to always hurt people I love, like my boyfriend. I always upset him. I also feel like a failure because my mother always had high hopes for me to have my name in lights as did I. But now I have gone and got myself pregnant at 21 and have done nothing with my life, so she will never be proud of me, and that makes me sick thinking about it. Before I was pregnant I used to cut myself if I had hurt someone to punish myself, so maybe I should be in some sort of loony bin, maybe that's the best place for me, Now I am pregnant I do not cut myself anymore, but I do get extremely angry very quickly and I can't control my anger, I cry a lot too. I can't find a job, after applying for over 15 this month, and I can't get out of bed in the morning. I sometimes sleep till 1 in the afternoon! The other day I threw a glass at my sister, then afterwards I couldn't believe what I had done. I think I have a multiple personality. I get very scared of myself after I do something like that. I am worried I will ruin my child's life. I don't want it to be frightened of me, and I don't want it to have a horrible human being as a mother, its not fair.
If someone could help me in the respect of options. I don't know whether I should just have my boyfriend raise the baby and for him to find a nice girl who would treat my child right, or to have it adopted into a nice loving family. I just feel it would be cruel for me to have a child when I am such a bad person. I have tried anger management and counseling. They did work but I think I am as good as I could ever be, and that is not good enough for me baby. All I want is for my child to be in the best environment possible.

My mother thinks its will come naturally and I will be a lovely mother. I would love to think she is right but I would love other people's opininion's too.
Thank you


Oh gosh, now I feel awefull as I have read some other people's questions. Some can't even get pregnant, and here I am already screwing up a child's life before its born, when there are so many lovely girls who would be great mothers but can't have children.

You just do the best you can and appreciate each day. Motivate yourself to do something with your life and raise your baby the best you can. My daughter called me the other day crying that she is afraid she will not be a good mom and I know she will be. I feel as though I was not a good mom due to circumstances. I had four babies and NO money. Two of my kids were attention deficit and that made life miserable for ALL of us. But now my kids are grown and doing great!

First of all, I don't think you are a horrible person because you are worried about your parenting skills and your baby. Obviously you care very much about this child and want him/her to have the best life possible or you would not be worried about him/her. Second of all, your mother should be proud of you and love you whether you have a baby or a big career. Motherhood is the most important job in the world and moms should all be very proud of themselves! Even if your mother feels that you have fallen short, that is her misconception. You are a valuable person whether you are a big star or not. As you go through life, you will constantly encounter people who will try to discourage you. You just have to ignore them and keep your head up. Don't define yourself by what others think of you. Third, I agree with you that you should look into getting some help for yourself before this child is born. The decision to do this doesn't mean you should be in a 'looney bin' - it means that you have taken an important step in the right direction! Many people struggle with depression, anger, etc. You mentioned that before you were pregnant you used to cut yourself, that you have tried anger management, counseling, etc. Well, the most important thing you can do DON'T STOP TRYING TO GET HELP. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON! OK? There are several places you can go for help that I know of, and maybe some other people on this site will know of some others. Look up "Social and human services organizations" in the yellow pages or online. Where I live, there are several listings for pregnancy help such as the local Pregnancy and Parenting Resource Center, the Children First Center, the YWCA, and many other local counseling centers. I would start calling places and explain your story and concerns to them. I know you will have many people help you. Most counties have mental health services, which you can also find in the yellow pages or online. You should tell them about your cutting, which is a sign of serious depression. I had a friend in high school who cut herself. She struggled with depression all through school. She didn't ask for help back then because she was afraid people would think she was "nuts". The summer after she graduated, she finally sought help and is now living a very happy life with 2 daughters and no one thinks she is crazy. In her case, she was very depressed about childhood abuse, and when she was able to finally talk about some of the things that happened to her, she gradually began to feel better. People can be depressed because of traumatic events, chemical imbalances in the body, stress, health issues, etc. Some people are very depressed even when their lives seem to be doing OK. This is often due to a chemical imbalance in the body. Your best bet is to talk to a mental health professional about your depression. He or she can help you determine the cause of depression and appropriate treatment options. Often, medication can help people. However, if you are pregnant, some meds may not be appropriate. But I know they can help you! Seeking help for mental health does not make you crazy. Many people at some point in their lives feel that they need help to get back on track. No one will think any worse of you for seeking help. If money is an issue, let the places know that when you call them. There are many financial assistance programs for people who qualify. I would advise you to seek help soon. I believe you will find that there are many people in the community who would reach out to you. You might also find help looking for a job. Talk to social workers/counselors! It's their job to help you. Just because you go and ask for mental health help does not mean they will think you are a bad mom. On the contrary, they will know that you want to do everything you can for your baby! If you decide adoption is the best for your child, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But, I think talking to a counselor and social worker first is the best thing. Maybe now you don't feel that you would be a good mom, but maybe after getting some help you will feel better. I hope this helps! Let me know if you need someone to talk to.