I am a single male that have a close platonic friendship with a married female
The extent of our friendship chatter is online. While her husband know that we dialogue via email, He doesn't know to what extent. (content) More personal things concerning our lives, Than anything else.. Nothing romantic..
My question is...
Why, when we are in public, she respond to me differently than when we are online?. Is it that she doesn't want the extent of our friendship known?. She's very aloof with me in public, But online we share so much of our lives.. . Are we headed for an emotional affair?. Watayathnk?

I think when you are talking on the computer she feels she can be totally open and honest about her whole life and feelings and doesn't have to hold things in about herself and her life.
But in real life she feels that if she is as open and honest you might take it to another level.
Since she is so open on the computer have you asked her while you were talking to her on there?

Why don't you ask her. How do you expect or want her to be with you in public?

You may be missing my point. It's not that I don't have
My own opinions concerning my question. I just threw it out there to get another point of view.. . I think my friend may be feeling some guilt about our friendship. In that she have to keep the extent of it from her husband. That if he knew she was emailing me as much as she does, it would meet with his disproval. Therefore, She treats me casually in public, because she doesn't want anyone to pick up any vibes coming from us, that would reveal the affection that we share.
We have never cross the line in a physical way. We know the boundaries of our friendship.. . I'm sure she has thought of putting and end to our mailings. The problem is, It fills a void in her life, that she find so stimulating and pleasurable.. And that go for me too.

It can be the element of face to face contact that eliminate her ability to withhold certain information from you, but it can be different when she is with you in person. What I can suggest is that you offer her the same comfort she would have at home or the place she most feels comfortable with and talk as you would when chatting.

I suggest that if you care about her you make sure the line does not get crossed and give her that space that she needs, or cut down the e-mail contact. In fact, you intiate the cut down on the contact.
And before you down rate this because you weren't answered as you want, I don't know why she acts aloof. Maybe she does not want to have an affair and she is guarding herself. Maybe chatting with you on line is less threatening. Maybe she enjoys chatting with you online, but does not like being with you in person.

You asked



My question is .....
Why, when we are in public, she respond to me differently than when we are online? .. Is it that she doesn't want the extent of our friendship known? .. She's very aloof with me in public, But online we share so much of our lives. .. Are we headed for an emotional affair? ... Watayathnk?

I replied how it is easier for her to be herself on the computer because it is more impersonal than when you are together and she could worry that you will want to take it to another level.

So I don't see where we missed what you are asking. Other than to add I think she already may have you in an emotional affair.

LeBo,

Please don't mark other people's answers with a disagree just because it is not the answer you are looking for. You only mark it with a disagree if you are strongly against what the poster is saying. The disagree button is not something to play around with sweetie.

Margarita

My Dear Margarita... Gee! Give me a break.. There's no use in pretending that I was satisfied with answers that was posted.
Yes, I was strongly dissatisfied with the answers. Most of the answers didn't come close to my inquiry (i.e, If someone had said, She act aloof, Because she want to keep our friendship under wraps.. . Or to protect the relationship with her husband from unnecessary gossip.
The bottom line is "Discretion"... I want to thank everyone for their participation... I think I answered my own inquiry. :)

My Dear Margarita ... Gee! give me a break .. There's no use in pretending that I was satisfied with answers that was posted.
Yes, I was strongly dissatisfied with the answers. Most of the answers didn't come close to my inquiry (i.e, If someone had said, She act aloof, Because she want to keep our friendship under wraps. .. Or to protect the relationship with her husband from unnecessary gossip.
The bottom line is "Discretion" ... I want to thank everyone for their participation ... I think I answered my own inquiry. :)


I'm just saying LeBo, don't disagree with everyone that "tries" to answer you post. They are only trying to help you the best way they can, even if they didn't understand your question the way you wanted them too. If you slap a disagree on everyone's answer, then no one will want to answer your questions anymore. If you want to respond to them, use the quote user to respond to them directly. You will get a lot more response this way. ;) And I didn't mean to come across harshly hon. I just didn't like you giving people that were trying to help you bad marks.

Thanks Margarita,. Kind'a fiesty, aren't cha :) No hard feelings
As you can see, I just joined you guy's.. and I'm learning how to use this site.. . Have a little patience with me.. Okay?. Your points are well taken, And I promise not to do it again.. . Charge
It to my head and not to my heart.. . For a 22 yr. old lady, You have good direction and clear perspectives. Thanks for your help

I think your friend is simply flirting online but still keeps reality in check when she meets you. It's her way of having fun, so to speak, knowing you are just having as much fun. While both of you may give in to temptation, you'll just have to thank your female friend for not giving in.

I am a single male that have a close platonic friendship with a married female
The extent of our friendship chatter is online. While her husband know that we dialogue via email, He doesn't know to what extent. (content) More personal things concerning our lives, Than anything else .. Nothing romantic ..
My question is .....
Why, when we are in public, she respond to me differently than when we are online? .. Is it that she doesn't want the extent of our friendship known? .. She's very aloof with me in public, But online we share so much of our lives. .. Are we headed for an emotional affair? ... Watayathnk?
Thanks for your comments, But, no I haven't inquired.
I probably won't.. . Since I've posted my question, she has decided to stop writing as often, Perhaps she may be feeling some guilt or has began to feel an uncomfortable intimacy between us. (i.e, the secrecy of our correspondence

Internet relationships open doors of communication that are seldom opened in a platonic friendship. You feel comfortable letting your fingers do the talking, rather than actually talking face to face. You can say more through a computer screen than you could in person because you are given the luxury of being able to formulate your opinions, thoughts, etc. without the person seeing your reactions. And yes, I do feel that internet relationships can be the breeding ground for emotional affairs - been there, done that!

I see that you have answered your question and the situation has changed since the original post. And, you are correct, she probably was feeling guilty at the intimacy between you, even if it was virtual-intimacy. She probably shared parts of her life with you that she hasn't shared with her husband... and that was making her uncomfortable.

I think you're doing the right thing. You seem to have no interest in taking any more physical steps toward pursuing a relationship with your friend... which is good.

The positive side of all of this - you've experienced a real, true friendship... one that is seldom found or experienced.

Not really sure if this answer is good for anything, but there it is. For what its worth! :)