I have been seeing a married man for about 10 months, we are in constant contact with each other via SMS and phone. He is not happy with her, they are always fighting and telling each other to go, the only reason he says he hasn't left yet is because they have 3 children, he is 3 years younger than myself, we could talk for hours if we could find the time, we are also very intimate with each other, more so with him than with my ex hubby of 7 years, he will lay in bed afterward just staring at me and stroking parts of my body, I see tears welling in his eyes and he doesn't try to hide them, but doesn't tell me exactly why that is happening, maybe he thinks I should no why. Does anyone think that, this man I am in love with has, strong feelings for me aswel or may it be all a put on, just to get sex?

Of course he does... I'd like to believe he is crying cause he is trying to decide between leaving his wife or being with you. As for the kids, how old are they? I doubt any of them wish to see their parents fighting. So you have think... what would be easier for them? Seeing their parents fight none stop or just see them stay away from each other. My mother and father never got married, but I do know what it's like to have separated parents regardless I never have or will know what they would be like as a couple. I hurt me some growing up going from house to house, the constant custody battles and stuff, but I know that I would have been less happy had I had to see them fight all the time just by watching them fight sometimes. What is this woman even like? Does she treat him and his kids right nearly as well as you? Have you met his kids? You know if you stayed together you would have to if he divorced... could you handle it?

Disgusting,, IM sorry but seeing threads like this is terrible. How can you have respect for a man who is cheating on his wife and KIDS. You should be ashamed with yourself.

I don't see how she should be ashamed! He wouldn't be cheating on his wife if he would just leave her! He won't though cause he is thinking of his kids! I think this guy is a very strong man for dealing with a woman he doesn't like for the sake of his kids.

Im not going to argue. He is less of a man for not addressing his issues with his wife . He owes it to his children. Im old fashion at the right bold age of 25, I have a kid and if I was in his position I would address the situation instead of running from it

Disgusting,,, IM sorry but seeing threads like this is terrible. How can you have respect for a man who is cheating on his wife and KIDS. You should be ashamed with your self.I am sorry but I didn't mention the fact that she has cheated on him on numerous occasions, including with my ex-husband.

I am sorry but i didn't mention the fact that she has cheated on him on numerous occassions, including with my ex-husband.

Two wrongs dont make a right

That's wrong, I have had my boyfriend have an affair on me and it was the worst pain in the world.. and he wasn't even my husband. You need to have respect for his wife even if you don't know her. He is a married man. And if he truly wanted to be with you wouldn't he be?

Oh... This is getting juicy! I know that you love him and he maybe really loves you, but no matter what you two are having an affair. It is wrong to let these things continue, it is his position to make a decision as to who he is going to be with. How long are you going to let this go on like this for? I understand the hold it places on people and how easily you can get caught up in all of this. {imagining she slept with your X} But he does have a huge responsibility to his family to make the decision, I think 10 months is about ample time to figure that one out. Is he waiting for little Timmy Tina and Tommy to head off to college? I wonder how people in your position {no matter what the outcome} could ever trust the guy later on in your relationship. You probably do not see it but right now he has two ladies on the go and most likely he is sleeping with both of you, regardless of what it is he is telling you. So technically you are probably being cheated on as well. Maybe he is crying to you at night because it is a great non verbal cop out for not having dealt with it, and the puppy dog eyes are saying that I can't deal with it later either. Yeah... That sounds like a winner to me.
Good luck with this coward I personally think you will need it.

Having read my own post I seem a little angry, I am sorry for that. I see you coming on here asking a question about does he want me or is it just for the sex? It's been 10 months! Like the super model Brookeleigh said... Quote; He is a married man. And if he truely wanted to be with you wouldnt he be? There is an answer with out sarcasm.

I actually am going to have to agree. If he really wants to be with you he will leave his wife and be with you, it's wonderful that he is not so selfish that he would just leave his wife in kids for you and actually thinks about his children's well being, but he's not going to be able to hide this much longer. My friend Tracey dated THREE GUYS AT A TIME!! I kept telling her that she was going to get caught, and she did... though I doubt things will get as extreme with you two (one of my friends boyfriends sisters tried to kill her >.<). Anyway you two should just seriously sit down and think about what you guys want here. Some people say that it is easier on kids to have both parents but in this case I really do think it would be better for him to divorce his wife! So the kid thing is out... If he starts making up bs excuses after you discuss what a divorce would do to his kids then you know something's wrong.

Oh my, this is getting juicy and heated... let me put in my two cents, for what they're worth.

It's always easier to criticise people who end up having affairs for being wrong and all that, UNTIL you become involved in one yourself. It is NOT easy to pull out of an affair that you have doubts over. I know, I used to be one of those who pooh poohed others for having affairs, until I fell in love with a married man. I posted my own sad story about finding love with a man who Didn't TELL me he was married with 2 young kids until I busted him. It was online and we didn't have sex, but it was still an emotional affair.

Katherine, you have to ask yourself, do you feel good about yourself doing this? It doesn't sound very healthy you sleeping with the husband of the woman who slept with your EX. His story is SO CLASSIC of THE MARRIED MAN, so classic (mine said the SAME thing). It's all the same story. He probably does have feelings for you, but its not enough for him to do the right thing. When you choose to marry and have kids, there is no more "ME". This man is not doing the right thing by you. He may be doing what's right for his kids, but he's not thinking of you, by allowing this affair to continue with no endgame in sight. If he's a stand up guy, then he will find a way to choose. Some party will be hurt. Of course, but at least everything will be out in the open. Children will adjust and heal, so it is not a good enough excuse NOT to divorce.

Im not criticizing or judging you, because I know now that things like this happen, even to the best of us. We all look for love and we hold on to what we can get out there. BUT there are sacrifices to be made when it involves others who will get hurt by our actions.

And if you let this go on, you will hate yourself for being used.

This can be as simple or complicated as you make it.

Who cares what his motives are you are enabling him to actuvely ruin a marriage. It doesn't matter if he isn't happy with her- If he's not happy then he needs to have the balls to Leave the Relationship.
Is that really the kind of man you want?
Selfish enough to put his desires before his families?
A Cheating, Lying, COWARD?

You all seem to be forgetting that his wife has done her fair share of ruining their marriage. SHE'S cheated on her husband TOO.

Nothing has told me that his wife is having an affair now, and that wouldn't matter. There has to be some adult like behaviour on at least one end here. It really is a silly thing to leave home have secret sex then go back home and play husband to your family. I feel sorry for his wife! She is at home trying to establish something obviously, or she wouldn't be there.

jacksgirl said earlier that she has cheated on her husbad. And I wouldn't be surprised if she's just staying for her kids just like he is staying for his kids. I'm willing to bet she even has an affair going on herself.

Reply to Leidenschaftlich für Wahr:

Yes, I have left him. He was not only lying to me, but the wife too, and has since set up another online profile stating that he is single and chatting up NEW single women. I think he thinks that as long as its online and therefore only virtual, he isn't cheating. But it is cheating all the same.

What I was trying to say is that yes, these things happen, but it doesn't mean its right to stay in one. If a man cannot make the commitment he took when he married, then he is a coward and a manipulator.

He needs to come clean and do the right thing by his wife and by you (ie divorce her or break it off with you). To everyone. If he is a good guy. Anything less is just cowardice.

jacksgirl said earlier that she has cheated on her husbad. And I wouldn't be surprised if she's just staying for her kids just like he is staying for his kids. I'm willing to bet she even has an affair going on herself.
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I wouldn't bet on that.

AAAGGGHHHH! So now as an afterthought, pertinent details, as she cheated first. Okay, Still there are children involved, and really, no one except the couple involved know what goes on in their marrige. Her cheating but staying does not mean he gets a free ride so to speak.

It is actually more complicated then it seems, his wife is pregnant with her fourth child, her due date is the 1st January 2008, he came to me concerned about this as he (so he says) had only been intimate with me not her for quite some time, she went away on the 29 march and came home after 23rd April, we know this as he spent most of that time with me. He said they had sex a couple of times when she returned but not long after that announced she was pregnant. We did the math and it does not add up, she says its his but he is waiting that one out until the end. Can anyone else confirm that we are right, that there is no way possible that this baby is his, this is not too much of a concern to him, he just knows that if he leaves her she will take his kids who are 1,3 and 5. He is the one who gets their dinner and looks after them and is worried that if she takes them away, they won't be looked after. Thanks for all your comments. Hope this doesn't throw too big of a spanner into the works. Oh and my husband and I were separated when he was with the wife. He never cheated on me and I never cheated on him, so I don't know how it feels too be the other woman.

To me it sounds like you guys are right. As for her taking the kids... the only way she could take them is if she is the better parent. If you go to court over costedy then the better parent will be given the kids fully or just be the one that as them more and the other has visitation rights. My aunt has been going through a custody battle over my cousins for a while and I recently went through one with my parents.

As a wife with 3 children and a troubled marriage, I can have no respect for a man that would do this to either woman. He needs to "Crap or get of the pot!" He shouldn't be putting anyone through this pain. If he isn't happy in the marriage, he should leave. This is the coward's way out.

I am sorry but i didn't mention the fact that she has cheated on him on numerous occassions, including with my ex-husband.
Looks like you are excusing his affair by saying she had affairs.
Why ask for opinions if you are going to shoot them down? People on here have very different lifestyles and opinions, and still have respect enough not to red dot each other.
If all you want is validation just affirm the posts that agree with you.

Have any of you paid attention the fact of why he won't leave? He doesn't want to put his kids through that! As a person who has had to go through that crap I congratualte this guy for thinking of his kids first! My parents have never been together! Every time I brought up one parent to the other or they had problems I had to listen to my mom or dad talk about how the other was such a bad person. My dad go so mad once about my mom that he told me where they met, at a strip club and my mom being a stripper! It hurts to go through that as a kid, because no matter what after a separation one or both the parents are going to try and get the kids affection by making the other seem like a bad guy. Then there are the custody battles. My mom and dad were going through one from the time I was 12 till I was 16 when I finally said I just wanted to stay with my mom! I can honestly say that I'd bet that if the guy didn't have kids with his wife yet he'd leave her.

A lot of the people replying to this question are automatically getting on this guy cause he is cheating on his wife or jacksgirl for letting the affair go on. Most of you guys aren't looking at the big picture and you aren't looking at all the sides of the story.

Just remember what goes around comes around!
If he is doing it to his wife he might do it to you after!
Listen tell him how you feel and if you truly love him...
Tell him that he needs to take a decision and you guys won't have contact till then!
Cuz he won't take any decision until you give him a ultimatium! He has the comfort... Someone to have sexual intercourse and someone that gives him the security of being home and cooking!
It's not right for you as it's not right for his wife! Just put yourself in her shoes!
Would you like it if your husband did the same?

does anyone think that, this man i am in love with has, strong feelings for me aswel or may it be all a put on, just to get sex?

If YOU wonder if it could be a put on , what do you think anyone else would say? He has had an affair with you for 10 months, If he is in fact staying because of the children, yet he says there is constant fighting going on it is bad for the children. Also, aren't they very young, how long is he staying for their sake? Are you waiting till they turn 18?

Ok, I am not going to judge you. Let's remove that 100% and see what we have:


A lot of people are sleeping with a lot of people....Him/you/Ex's...

The question: Does he love me? The answer: Yes and NO. He loves your safe life and your conversations but he does not love you enough to blow up his kids life further.
This is a sad situation...and the one of you that's stronger will be the one to force a decision. Continuing on as you are is just paddling towards a waterfall while whistling a happy tune.

WHat do you have now?

1) A guy you like who is married.
2) A guy who likes you who is married
3) 3 kids who know nothing
4) a wife who knows nothing

A) How long do you think this can last?
B) what do you want to happen?
C) how do you visualize it hapenning?

In my experience here and elsewhere, the marriage will crumble. But then what?

D) Are you ready to wait?
E) What do you want to have with him?

You all seem to be forgetting that his wife has done her fair share of ruining their marriage. SHE'S cheated on her husband TOO.
Just because someone else has done it doesn't mean you have the right to stoop to their level.

And in response to jacksgirl, It really doesn't phase me that it was harsh it's the truth and needed to be told.
I saw the entire picture, (that had been depicted by you) in the first place, but you do not know the circumstances do you?
For all you know the guy could have told it to you in order to justify his relationship with her, and cheating on his wife.

How could he like about that? This lady had an affair with jacksgirl's ex husband. Kind of hard to miss that one.

You all seem to be forgetting that his wife has done her fair share of ruining their marriage. SHE'S cheated on her husband TOO.
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And when is it paid up? When is it going to level off and be wrong? It's been 10 months now... How much longer does "the big picture" go on for until it starts to become unjustifiable, regardless of your personal spite? If it goes on, she will inevitably find out, one day she will tell the kids and that would be unhealthy for them and him. He has no intention of leaving her and you are simply being used! It really is that simple. It's always the same BS when I read these posts, reasons turn into excuses and excuses turn into reasons. They are all alike. If you are not being used then call him on it now, and stop fearing that he will choose her. I think in your heart of hearts you know what is happening.

It is actually more complicated then it seems, his wife is pregnant with her fourth child, her due date is the 1st January 2008, he came to me concerned about this as he (so he says) had only been intimate with me not her for quite some time, she went away on the 29 march and came home after 23rd April, we know this as he spent most of that time with me. He said they had sex a couple of times when she returned but not long after that announced she was preg. We did the math and it does not add up, she says its his but he is waiting that one out until the end. Can anyone else confirm that we are right, that there is no way possible that this baby is his, this is not too much of a concern to him, he just knows that if he leaves her she will take his kids who are 1,3 and 5. He is the one who gets their dinner and looks after them and is worried that if she takes them away, they wont be looked after. Thanks for all your comments. Hope this doesnt throw too big of a spanner into the works. Oh and my husband and I were separated when he was with the wife. He never cheated on me and I never cheated on him, so i dont know how it feels too be the other woman.
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Yeah, I would assume it is his child until proven differently. The laws on infidelity have changed in mostly all of western society I think since the 80's. She could cheat on him and vice versa, it does not matter anymore about who was loyal and who was not, the courts would not even acknowledge that because it is not divorce court and is not relevant to the needs of the children. Custody should be shared evenly unless he/she is unable to provide for the children, or there are other factors we do not know about. It really is just another excuse. The fact that she is pregnant is just one more reason you should reevaluate this situation, my goodness... My X cheated on me and I gave her another chance and that was it. I could have done what he is doing and somehow come up with a thousand excuses for having done it, but ultimately I am a logical person with a conscience. And at the end of you're message quoted above you said you do not know what it feels like to be the other woman. You are the other woman.

I just noticed the time difference I am in Australia it is actually 9.11 am on Saturday morning. I wouldn't like anyone to think I am actuall sitting up all hours of the night.

And that would make it 5:12 pm here in Edmonton Albera Canada. Big time difference... By the way, is his name Jack?

You'd be a lot more happy if you can stop hurting his children... the most you can do is to never make it more impossible for him and his wife to work things out... but if you do not like the idea of doing a favor for the sake of others then start thinking for the good of yourself.. spare yourself from guilt feelings, you deserve to be good and happy. At the end of the day, only one thing never fails to work, prayer!

It's not really about her hurting his children yet, it's about preventing that and other things. Men can be very manipulative and controlling, and I'm sorry to say but, some woman can be very vulnerable, in terms of love and gullibility. I have tried to speak through help desk to several woman in this scenario and I have a hard time putting a lot of blame on them. Jacks girl seems like a nice person who got caught up with a married man. And her original question was "does he like me or is he using me? Jacks girl or "one of Jacks girls" has been pretty brave to stay on here and read some of the criticism she has had to endure while seeking help using this thread. Most woman who have these types of problems only make it about two pages. :-)

First, you're posting on here because you are not happy. This is not your ideal scenario. So think about who is helping put you in this situation. Who holds the ball here? Is it you? No. Is it the married wife? No.

Is it the man? Yes. He holds the ball. It's time to take the ball back and tell him you are not playing. Do not listen to all his excuses. Him being with you does not mean he is leaving his children. This is a sure fact, so there must be something else that is preventing him from doing the right thing, and you know what that is? It's that it's easier to do the wrong thing and sometimes it's easier for a man to be a coward and not own up to the truth. And it's so sad that he pulls his children into this and gives an illusion as to them being his excuse and reason for not coming out and FIXING a wrong. Fixing a wrong is EXACTLY WHAT HE IS NOT DOING. He can fix this by having an honest relationship with you two women (and that means he could either be with his wife or with you). Don't let him trick you into thinking that "oh dear, what about my kids" because there are plenty of divorced parents who still see their children! So please, think with logic and do not listen to his emotional excuses.

Of course after ten months of waiting, and him not leaving his wife, you would wondering when the time is going to come where you two can live happily ever after.

And yes, before you give me a sharp “diagree” as you have with some people that have taken the time to post here or have told you the truth, I have read about how his own wife has cheated in the past, and that the man you are having an affair with has hildren with his wife, who also happens to be pregnant. I read it all.

You mentioned how he tears up when you are in bed together. In looking at your responses to others, you put this detail up to also prove that he is not just in it for the sex, but because he truly loves you.

I realize that he may believe he loves you, but this is when a man truly loves a woman: A man loves a woman when he puts his fears aside, and does the right thing for her. This means he will tell his wife what he's been doing, and he will stop putting you two on a hold as he continues to decide when it's safe for him to say something. See, these past ten months have been more about him than it has been about you or his wife. And they certainly have not been about his children because if they were, he would act responsibly and discontinue an unhappy home so that they may live with a healthy father and mother (not two parents that fight and go off and have affairs for ten months at a time!). He would have a divorce, if that's what's needed. But for some reason, he's continuing to play this coward game. What a choice!

He may love you, but he clearly does not love you the way you want to be loved, or the way you should be loved. You know what way you deserve to be loved; you deserve to be loved by a man who is not married. You need someone who is yours. By continuing to wait it out, especially after ten months, you're actually bringing your worth value down as a woman. A man knows that most women will not put up with this situation... but this guy sees you as someone who will continue being the other woman (even after ten months). Please show him otherwise.

Do you think you can do better than this situation? I should hope so. Don't listen to his excuses. People with children have divorces all the time and our society is famous for it. If a man feels like doing the right thing, he will. And let me say that there is nothing wrong with you two being together, BUT only when he is not married.
Let me ask you: why should he do the right thing now, by being honest and telling his wife the truth?

He won't do the right thing because he doesn't see that he needs to. He actually won't do the right thing because you're allowing this situation to continue.
The right thing right now is not for him to keep lying to his wife. He needs to tell her the truth, but you are making it easy for him to not have to. I suggest you leave him and see what he does. Move on and make yourself worth more than this type of situation.

I would say he is real jerk if he can not face his wife and solve the problem than he isn't no man he is a chicken and a great lier I'm telling you he only wants you for sex nothing else and very soon he will leave you so it is beta for you to stay away beofre it is too late don't let him use you have respect for yourself and other women in this World!!

If you all (your ex, his ex, you, him) were perfect... this would still be a disaster.

Pregnancies... Infidelity... Lies... are causing you and him a lot of sleepless nights.

So, how do you get your head right and find peace of mind?

DO THE RIGHT THING - ASAP.

Hint: it won't be easy. Only you know what that is...

They are working on it guys! He's not trying to hurt anyone he's trying to protect his kids and still be happy! This guy's getting ready to just go through the divorce and try for custody battles! You don't know what kind of hell that is! A lot of men would divorce his wife for his mistress and not even think about this family but this guy is and you all are trying to make HIM sound like the bad guy!

I don't see how she should be ashamed! He wouldn't be cheating on his wife if he would just leave her!! He won't though cause he is thinking of his kids! I think this guy is a very strong man for dealing with a woman he doesn't like for the sake of his kids.
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I must have missed something, are you getting info I am not getting? Is he really about to leave his wife now? That is so odd, since Jacks girl is clearly showing some :confused: as to his intentions in this relationship.

He's thinking about it, I've talked to jacksgirl and she said he is worried his wife will take away his kids. That's the only reason he has been staying, but it sounds to me like he is about to. He doesn't seem to understand that she can't just take them away. Once you go through divorce court you have to go to a mediator and decide who gets what. The kids will eventually be brought up and so will a custody battle. And when you are in a custody battle the parent with temporary custody can not leave state with the children or move so far the other parent can't see the kids. Though it sounds like even if they get in a custody battle he would be the one with the temporary custody until it is decided if there will be joint custody or full custody to one parent, the woman doesn't sound like a very good mom.

Ha!

You are right. Nowhere Greg does it show he's working on it.....
Though BiWi has had off post-convos apparently.

Still, though, he is trapped and he knows it and not sure what to do.

He is F-ckd in all directions. His marriage is over and he's in deep Sh--... That's why he's crying.

Soooooo, he needs to get a lawyer and get on with a battle. Life ain't easy - but it can always be worse!


There but for the grace of god go all of us...

Discretion is the better part of valour.

This board is proof...

Do the right thing - no matter how hard it is as humans to have the will sometimes...

Reposting...
The laws on infidelity have changed in mostly all of western society I think since the 80's. She could cheat on him and vice versa, it does not matter anymore about who was loyal and who was not, the courts would not even acknowledge that because it is not divorce court and is not relevant to the needs of the children. Custody should be shared evenly unless he/she is unable to provide for the children, or there are other factors we do not know about
He would know this information if he were intending on making a move.
It has been said that he is a strong man, and doing the right thing. I do not understand being a advocate to the adulterer in this very common scenario. I have a hard time believing that every case of infidelity that goes on like this has, is OK. I think it is damaging to support the idea of what this man is doing when it is most very likely that this woman is going to get hurt in the long run. I am going to post a question later asking woman who were ever in a situation like this and see where they ended up in the end. I believe the numbers would show that this will most likely turn out badly for J girl and that people will walk away sad and regretful.

She's... cheating... on... him... if she's hurt by this then the woman is the biggest hypocritc in the world! And when I said the woman didn't sound like a good mother it's cause jacksgirl told me she met this man's wife and she just sits on her . This guy does all the work with the cooking and cleaning. I don't know about you guys but I know very few men who will cook and clean the house.

I am not saying that I support adultry or anything like that. If the scenario was that this guy had a good wife at him and a very wonderful family wife and he was cheating that I would be completely against it. This guy is very unhappy but doesn't want to hurt his kids. That's why I support him and jacksgirl in this. I hope the guy gets a divorce soon as possible and wish him the best of luck in getting his children full custody!

She's... cheating... on... him... if she's hurt by this then the woman is the biggest hypocritc in the world!! And when I said the woman didn't sound like a good mother it's cause jacksgirl told me she met this man's wife and she just sits on her . This guy does all the work with the cooking and cleaning. I don't know about you guys but I know very few men who will cook and clean the house.

This is starting to get a little fishy on your part. You come on here and give a lot of people who do not support this man cheating, your anger... and then you monitor this new member's post (Jacksgirl) like a hawk.

I find it VERY interesting that you come on here and you say, "Jack's girl told me..." and give us all these details that she herself has not come up to post.

If she is telling you things that she is not posting for all of us to see... then how come you feel so comfortable to tell everyone, as if you are Jacksgirl herself?

Weird...


I am not saying that I support adultry or anything like that. If the scenario was that this guy had a good wife at him and a very wonderful family wife and he was cheating that I would be completely against it. This guy is very unhappy but doesn't want to hurt his kids. That's why I support him and jacksgirl in this. I hope the guy gets a divorce soon as possible and wish him the best of luck in getting his children full custody!

You also have a one hundred percent identical view to Jacksgirl.
You completely interpret everyone's post in the way that she does.
For example, you can't see that many people posting here don't find anything wrong with two people separating and then for those two people to get married again to new people. And you can't see that people posting here are saying that it is only wrong when you have 2 women at the same time.

You seem to think it is horrible for the wife to have had affairs... but not the other way around. Let me guess, you're going to respond to this by saying "well jacksgirl told me..." or you're going to give a red disagree because I'm on to something here.

This guy is very unhappy but doesn't want to hurt his kids. That's why I support him and jacksgirl in this. I hope the guy gets a divorce soon as possible and wish him the best of luck in getting his children full custody!

Well I hope for the sake of his children this divorce decision comes QUICK!!
10 months?? Are you kidding me? That's more than enough time to have decided. Some here have said it's good that he's staying miserably married for the sake of his kids. And how courageous he is to put his kids first and stay with a woman he's unhappy with. Wow, that's brilliant:rolleyes: Seriously, it's so unhealthy for kids to grow up in a home where their parents are miserable and unfaithful. What does that teach them about love and respect and marriage?? How will the kids feel when they find out what daddy put mommy through for 10 whole months. Or what mommy put daddy through before that to make daddy do that. Blah blah blah. Who the heck cares which parent did who or what first. It all seems like a bunch of crap if you ask me. Both parents are to blame and it seems as though their kids are an afterthought at this point. 10 months?! Give me a break. Dad's being selfish. He needs to leave mom for the sake of his kids. Marriage is supposed to be a happy partnership, not a miserable chore for the sake of kids. That to me is a warped perspective. Those babies deserve to grow up in an environment where everyone can live happily and give them the lives and attention and nurturing they need and deserve.

... I'm not jacksgirl if that's what you are insinuating. I'm just getting slowly pissed off with the way you guys are treating her. You all keeping telling her how wrong she is for her affair but you are not giving her any actual advice to help her. I am on the man's side cause he is thinking of his kids and it's obvious this woman is not. And yes I asked jacksgirl some questions via pm cause I wanted to know a little more and I don't know if it's policy or anything to keep what's said in pm private or not but you lot were starting to piss me off so I let out a few things she told me. And I agree with katie that the divorce needs to happen quick! Cause she's right that it's not healthy to have such a bad relationship with your wife in front of her kids I just think he's a good man to have stay for his kids, but at least he was thinking of them. I'm just going to stop posting cause this is slowly turning from giving advice to a heated debate on the rights and wrongs of marriage it's ridiculus.

.... I'm not jacksgirl if that's what you are insinuating. I'm just getting slowly pissed off with the way you guys are treating her. You all keeping telling her how wrong she is for her affair but you are not giving her any actual advice to help her.

No, you're getting slowly pissed off because people have not given the same responses as you have. You've actually abused many people with you being "pissed off".


I am on the man's side cause he is thinking of his kids and it's obvious this woman is not. And yes I asked jacksgirl some questions via pm cause I wanted to know a little more and I don't know if it's policy or anything to keep what's said in pm private or not but you lot were starting to piss me off so I let out a few things she told me.

Right. You send her "personal" messages but then let out her responses on a public forum. You know how to use personal messages, but for some reason in this post, with this new user, you did not feel any need to keep them personal.
And while you've been defending her position and posting all these things that she has "personally" told you, she's not here herself. So... this "new user" has been answering all your personal messages, but not the posts on her own wall... Or maybe she doesn't need to post here anyway, when you're here keeping it safe? Especially when you're here filling us in like crazy and bashing people who do not agree with you.

Anyway, a lot of people have given great advice. A lot of people don't feel the need to defend the man, as you do.. .
Most people feel the need to look out for the children. And a lot of people feel the need to say that everyone deserves a better situation than this (as in, he has to be an adult now).

I think a lot of people gave the person posting here the advice to move on and to not live in a situation where someone has been making her be "the other woman" for 10 months. If he wants to be with her, he will divorce his wife. The best thing he can do for his children is to not keep them in a dishonest and unhealthy household.

And it's scary...you keep saying she has personally told you that the wife is so horrible and cruel, yet he keeps the marriage together for the sake of his children? And he kept sleeping with her while with jacksgirl? ...that doesn't make sense. Are you sure you should keep encouraging that his guy is just doing the right thing?

No, you're getting slowly pissed off because people have not given the same responses as you have. You've actually abused many people with you being "pissed off".



Right. You send her "personal" messages but then let out her responses on a public forum. And while you've been defending her position and posting all these things that she has "personally" told you, she's not here herself. So...this "new user" has been answering all your personal messages, but not the posts on her own wall....Or maybe she doesn't need to post here anyway, when you're here keeping it safe? Especially when you're here filling us in like crazy and bashing people who do not agree with you.

Anyway, a lot of people have given great advice. A lot of people don't feel the need to defend the man, as you do... ....
Most people feel the need to look out for the children. And a lot of people feel the need to say that everyone deserves a better situation than this (as in, he has to choose and stop using his poor children as a tool to keep this going for another 10 months).

I think a lot of people gave the person posting here the advice to move on and to not live in a situation where someone has been making her be "the other woman" for 10 months. If he wants to be with her, he will divorce his wife. The best thing he can do for his children is to not keep them in a dishonest and unhealthy household.

And it's scary...you keep saying she has personally told you that the wife is so horrible and cruel, yet he keeps the marriage together for the sake of his children? And he kept sleeping with her while with another woman? ...that doesn't make sense.

I totally agree, just can't give you a green for it because I already did before O.o

Totally agree though.

and that would make it 5:12 pm here in Edmonton Albera Canada. Big time difference.... By the way, is his name Jack? No his name isn't Jack, just need something easy so no one would guess.

.... I'm not jacksgirl if that's what you are insinuating. I'm just getting slowly pissed off with the way you guys are treating her. You all keeping telling her how wrong she is for her affair but you are not giving her any actual advice to help her. I am on the man's side cause he is thinking of his kids and it's obvious this woman is not. And yes I asked jacksgirl some questions via pm cause I wanted to know a little more and I don't know if it's policy or anything to keep what's said in pm private or not but you lot were starting to piss me off so I let out a few things she told me. and I agree with katie that the divorce needs to happen quick!! Cause she's right that it's not healthy to have such a bad relationship with your wife infront of her kids I just think he's a good man to have stay for his kids, but atleast he was thinking of them. I'm just going to stop posting cause this is slowly turning from giving advice to a heated debate on the rights and wrongs of marriage it's ridiculus.Well said! I never did ask anyone for their opinion on what is right or wrong.

First, you’re posting on here because you are not happy. This is not your ideal scenario. So think about who is helping put you in this situation. Who holds the ball here? Is it you? No. Is it the married wife? No.

Is it the man? Yes. He holds the ball. It’s time to take the ball back and tell him you are not playing. Do not listen to all his excuses. Him being with you does not mean he is leaving his children. This is a sure fact, so there must be something else that is preventing him from doing the right thing, and you know what that is? It's that it's easier to do the wrong thing and sometimes it’s easier for a man to be a coward and not own up to the truth. And it's so sad that he pulls his children into this and gives an illusion as to them being his excuse and reason for not coming out and FIXING a wrong. Fixing a wrong is EXACTLY WHAT HE IS NOT DOING. He can fix this by having an honest relationship with you two women (and that means he could either be with his wife or with you). Don't let him trick you into thinking that "oh dear, what about my kids" because there are plenty of divorced parents who still see their children! So please, think with logic and do not listen to his emotional excuses.

Of course after ten months of waiting, and him not leaving his wife, you would wondering when the time is going to come where you two can live happily ever after.

And yes, before you give me a sharp “diagree” as you have with some people that have taken the time to post here or have told you the truth, I have read about how his own wife has cheated in the past, and that the man you are having an affair with has hildren with his wife, who also happens to be pregnant. I read it all.

You mentioned how he tears up when you are in bed together. In looking at your responses to others, you put this detail up to also prove that he is not just in it for the sex, but because he truly loves you.

I realize that he may believe he loves you, but this is when a man truly loves a woman: A man loves a woman when he puts his fears aside, and does the right thing for her. This means he will tell his wife what he’s been doing, and he will stop putting you two on a hold as he continues to decide when it’s safe for him to say something. See, these past ten months have been more about him than it has been about you or his wife. And they certainly have not been about his children because if they were, he would act responsibly and discontinue an unhappy home so that they may live with a healthy father and mother (not two parents that fight and go off and have affairs for ten months at a time!). He would have a divorce, if that's what's needed. But for some reason, he's continuing to play this coward game. What a choice!

He may love you, but he clearly does not love you the way you want to be loved, or the way you should be loved. You know what way you deserve to be loved; you deserve to be loved by a man who is not married. You need someone who is yours. By continuing to wait it out, especially after ten months, you’re actually bringing your worth value down as a woman. A man knows that most women will not put up with this situation...but this guy sees you as someone who will continue being the other woman (even after ten months). Please show him otherwise.

Do you think you can do better than this situation? I should hope so. Don’t listen to his excuses. People with children have divorces all the time and our society is famous for it. If a man feels like doing the right thing, he will. And let me say that there is nothing wrong with you two being together, BUT only when he is not married.
Let me ask you: why should he do the right thing now, by being honest and telling his wife the truth?

He won't do the right thing because he doesn’t see that he needs to. He actually won’t do the right thing because you’re allowing this situation to continue.
The right thing right now is not for him to keep lying to his wife. He needs to tell her the truth, but you are making it easy for him to not have to. I suggest you leave him and see what he does. Move on and make yourself worth more than this type of situation.
Yes I want him to make a decision it is hurting a lot that he hasn't. I will still wait, I was talking to his mum yesterday, who I had no idea knew about him and I, but she spilt the beans (In a good way), I am hoping this means he is closer to a decision than I thought, I see now that he is probably finding extra support before he tells his wife.

And maybe the Mom will be the one to tell you it's over. Make sure you are prepared, that is how my X did it, she was a coward and eventually had her mom dump the guy she was having an affair with.

Please Please let us know how this train wreck turns out.

To the fact that you are seen a married man that is up to you and your feelings towards him, but be very conscious that like you say his wife has cheated on him and he has not left her. Why? All I can say is that "Men dont leave their woman, is when the woman decides to end that it does comes to an end" not to be feminist is an old sain from my family "Guys" whether he is with her for the kids or for her, he only knows

Hmmm... Interesting post, my husband left me and my children for another woman, and you know what it didn't last. Only lasted about 3 months and he tried coming back, but because I caught him in the act I called the first available divorce lawyer.. He is not going to leave his wife and if he does he will be back and forth just like my ex husband try to do but I wouldn't allow him... The kid will resent u for breaking up a home, I am telling u it's going to be hell.. You should just stop having an affair with this man, let him work out his own marriage, Cheating is not helping and you are not respecting yourself, You can find a nice single man without the baggage..

Do you believe in Karma? She will find you.

Good luck

She is done with this thread.

She is done with this thread.


Well good, it makes me absolutely sick that people wreck homes.. Especially when children are involved. Sad part they don't see anything wrong with the situation.