I have a wonderful 24yr old daughter. She still lives at home and will be graduating from college soon. She is a great young woman, and I am very proud of her. She has been dating a young man, who is also great, has a good job, owns his own home, never been married and is her same age. She insists after 10 months together she knows she wants to move in with him when she graduates and gets a job in her field. She says she wants to be financially stable before getting married. She feels he's the one. I wish she would move out on her own and become self sufficient before relying on someone else. She knows how me and her Dad feel but intends to so anyway, only after the boyfriend speaks to us first. I know it's a new day and age and I must admit I wish she lived on her own first or get married before moving in with someone. My question is , should I feel funny about allowing her to go on weekend trips with him, and am I wrong to feel why have a huge wedding she's always wanted when she's already playing house so to speak. Am I just being too strict or should I let her do what she wants?

I'm a fairly young guy, but even I think it's hypocritical how modern couples thumb there nose at many traditions, yet insist on having a fairytale wedding.

I personally don't have a problem with either situation, but you can't have your cake and eat it too.

Well, I feel that you have the right to feel these reservations, because as a mom you only want the best for your daughter. You will always be the one she goes to about good things and bad, and you will always be there to give support and advice when she needs it... And of course you will always be there to try to help her along - Alas, she will still do what she wants, and how she wants...

And as for the wedding, Yea, she is playing house... but her wedding day is still that one day she has dreamt about her entire life, and I'm sure is still dreaming about...

Just keep in mind... You can be as strict as you want, and voice all the opinions you want, but if I were your daughter -- You being strict on what I can and cannot do, and where I could or could not go with my boyfriend... well, I'm sorry to say it but it would start making me want to tell you to butt out, and push me away from you. She needs your support - and no, I do not mean 'support her to make the wrong decisions' but support her to follow her heart and be happy. It sounds like he is a really nice guy, after all he respects your daughter AND YOU enough to come to you to ask if it's OK for her to move in... Just remember she's an adult. Whatever they could do on a weekend get away, or in the middle of the night -- can be done pretty much anytime and anywhere.

I know, this all probably sounds crazy but just don't let it turn into a situation where she feels like she has to hide things from you, or be afraid that she has to worry about making you happy over making herself happy. And actually, having not lived on her own, or with anyone else and being 24 is pretty good. I'd have to say she has a pretty good head on her shoulders and you should trust her more.

I guess that's a bit more than just my two cents... sorry, lol my brain is rambly.

Good luck!

Oops double post... edit this one down to nada. Sorry...

I lived at home with my mom until I moved out with my boyfriend (now husband).
I was considerably younger than your daughter and I can assure you that it still makes a person self sufficient.
As a mother now, I can understand your concerns, but there comes a time where you just have to trust in your child that they are old enough to make decisions on their own.
Weekend trips shouldn't make you feel funny because your daughter sounds like a mature young adult
And just because she moves out before marriage doesn't mean she shouldn't be given a nice wedding.

There can be a positive side to this, try to think about it this way.
You know that saying, love'em but wouldn't want to live with'em?
This way your daughter will know whether she is able to live happily with him before she steps into marriage.
Too many times people get married only to find out that they can't live peacefully and happily with their wife/husband and it ends in divorce soon after the wedding...



Good luck and best wishes,

Good point AKaeTrue! My sister and her ex husband never lived together until after they got married... lasted a mere 7 months because even though they dated for 3 years and were engaged for 2 -- they got married and moved in together and oh it was terrible. I could tell you all about it, but... that's OK... we'll save it for another post lol... I think your daughter will be just fine :)

This is a tricky one. First, you might try sitting down with the two of them and discuss some options. Point out that you have no issues with their relationship, think he's a great guy, etc. but feel that it would be helpful for your daughter to live on her own for a bit before moving in with anyone. I went from my parents house, to a college dorm, to living in apartments/houses with roommates, to finally getting my own house. There are skills and strengths you develop when you live entirely on your own that are useful for any one to have, and I personally think everyone should be required to do so for a year at some point in their life. It makes you appreciate having someone around to rely on, for one thing, which can only help a good relationship, and develops self-reliance which can help if you wind up in a bad relationship. So, pitch that angle to them, point out it doesn't mean that they can't still see each other, and I'd probably not mention anything about the weekend trips.

As to the wedding, if she is a young woman wanting to be financially stable before getting married, I'd say that she probably also wants to control how much is spent on the wedding. Talk to your spouse, figure out some amount of money that you would be comfortable giving them, and tell them that's your wedding gift to the couple. If they want to use it for the wedding, fine. Downpayment on a house, spend it on a trip, anything they want, no strings attached. But that's all the money you will be giving them, so if it's 5k and they want a 50k wedding, they get to figure out how to finance the rest.