Multiple threads merged

Well here is my story... I met my girlfriend when I was in grade 12 and she was in grade 11. We got together and clicked instantly. She has never been anyone except for me and I have been her first for everything except her first kiss. We have been dating now for 5 1/2 years and are really in love. She wanted to go away for the summer to visit family and has been gone for 4 weeks now. For the 5 1/2 years we have been together we have had ups and downs but mostly ups. We treat each other great and barely argue or anything. We have a strong sex life together but for the last month before she left we have been lacking in the physical dept. because we have been busy with school and work and are always tired. When she left for the summer we left on great terms and I thought everything was great and with her taking this time apart for the summer it will strengthen what we have and make our relationship better. The first two weeks were horrible as I missed her way too much and was afraid of something happening out there. She is there with cousins that have large groups of single friends that hit on her at every chance when she got down there. Its not that I don't trust her I don't trust them so you can see how I was scared. After the weeks went I still miss her but I am more comfortable with her being out there. I would then continue to call her and we would talk every moment we could. But the last two calls were strange and she sounded like she had no interest in what I had to say and she would always tell me she was tired and it just didn't seem right. So I asked her if anything was going on with us and she told me that she is very confused about certain things with us. She complained that we haven't made love or made out in awhile and that we seem like we are just best friends. She then tells me that we are so young (I am 23 and she is 21) and she is confused about us and that she needs some time alone to figure things out. So I respected her wishes and gave her space to think about us. 3 days later she calls me crying on the phone asking me how I am doing with all this and when I asked her what she is exactly confused about she wouldn't tell me and says that she doesn't want to do this on the phone and that she wants to get together to work it out when she gets back. 4 days after that call she calls me again crying, and is honest about everything. She says that the chemisty with us doesn't seem to be there anymore and that she wants me in her life but she is confused about the role she wants me in. She says she still loves me and misses me but she needs time to think still and she doesn't know if she should call cause she doesn't want to give me false hope. She still wants to get together we she gets back in 3 weeks from now so we can talk about us. I haven't emailed her or called her of texted her at all since the break, she has been calling me. She talked to her mom and told her that she wishes I was more assertive but never told me that. But when we talked she said that I can talk to her if I need someone to talk to and she won't care. But the weird thing is before she hung up she said if I need to de-stress I can make out with someone if I want. I asked if she meet anyone out there and she was very clear that she hasen't. So now I am sitting here waiting for the days to go by so we can get together and talk or work things out. Years ago we broke up about something along the lines of the same reason but lasted a week and she thought she made a big mistake and ask me back. I am wondering if that will happen again like I want it too, or do you think it is over? I know how what I can do to be a better boyfriend in areas she is confused about but I don't know if she feels if there is anyway use of doing that. Everyone tells me to maintain no contact with her and just enjoy the summer and deal with it when she is back but it is very hard to do so cause I love her so much and am worried of the outcome. Any advice guys would be awesome.

I don't really understand the question, but I think if you have been dating for 5 1/2 years, then you may pick things up again, but I need more info to clearly state what I think. Cause now I think nothing, lol but if you love her... then I don't know

give her space .You must NOT call let her miss you. She has tols you exactly what the problem is and you can either do something about it or you can go with your heart and fail and lose the love of your life cause your not thinkig straight.


Soory to say mate but she already knows her decision this does not mean its set in concretebutif you try and talk her into the rlationship she's GONE.

Ifyouwant her to stay let her come to you agree with her with whatshe says tell her you want to be with her but you dontwntto be with someone who does not wantto be with you.

And once you say that your gone NO contact you must lether feel the voidin herlife and after 5 1/2 years she will definitely feel it when your gone and if she doesn't v=come back she NEVER was starying.

You must let hergo to make her come back don't chase herand convince her you can tell her of all the wonderful times but leave itat that and show her you are moving on with yopur life. After 5 years she is wondering where things are going and what she wants in life and at the moment BUDDY your not in that picture well maybe slightly but she's unsure if she lets you go will she regret it. She will try and get you to hang around and I've heard the line "I dont know which part of my life i want you as"

Well I tell you what if she wanted you forever she would not be saying that. What sheis saying is I don't want to hurt you but don't want you as that special person in my life. You know what in another 3 months she won't even need you at all and then you will be feeling even worse. Ont let her have the satisfaction of making a choice and danglingyou along cause while this happens she won't choose you.

Your obviously hurting andpreying for her to choose you and you can help your cause and I know you want things back ow they wereandif you do whatever you do, don't let her tell you I still want to hear fromyou...

NO NO NO if shewants this break let her have it your out of her life donttell her this just be busy and if you can't PRETEND your busy shopw her its notgoing to be klikeit used to be ifshesnot your girlfriend cause for a while shewill try and keep you around toill she feels fine...

I do not know what to say, love is magic! But I know that if you guys are not happy when you are together, then do not waste time any more!Although you have been together for a long time, but for love, sometimes long time can not tell anything! You could fall in love with someone at first sight, but you also could leave someone in one second!
Wish you happy!

It's amazing how when it comes to women doing absolutely nothing will get you what you want. A little off the subject but this past weekend I went to a club and stood by the bar myself and didn't try to hit on any women. I was obviously there for the women but because I acted like I ddin't care, I not only got 1, not 2, but 3 women to dance and talk to me at the same time! Your story is very similar to mine and I think you should read my post. All I'm saying is be the man. Don't allow women to walk over you. You are the prize and she has to chase you. Not the other way around.

All right here is the story. My girlfriend told me that she needed a break from each other this summer and I accepted her wishe. I didn't talk to her all summer and kept my distance and looked out for myself instead of thinking of her. After a month she called me crying and told me that she thinks we should give this another shot and that she missed me and loves me. Couple days ago I was talking to her on the phone and I made the mistake of asking her if she did anything with anyone while we weren't together. She is very honest to me all the time and said yes she did make out with someone when she was very drunk one night. Things led to another and she did other things but didn't have sex with him, just other things. When I heard this I was pissed off but also very saddened by it. She isn't proud of it and feels dirty about doing it. She wanted the break basically so she could "test the waters" so to speak. She said she didn't have sex with him because she realized even in her drunken state what she missed in me and didn't want to go through with it. The guy means nothing to her and she knows now that guys can be jerks and that's why she wanted to get back together while we were not together, I went to a bar one night and a girl kissed me and once she did I wanted no part and walked away from her. I am not perfect and with me doing that I am just as bad as she is. But it was a kiss and nothing more while my girl did other things that I wouldn't dream of doing unless we were 100% sure we were broken up We are back together now and both are 100% committed to trying to make this relationship work. My question is... I still feel disgusted by what she did while we were apart and I don't know if I can look at her the same way because of the things she did. Is this normal and can I put it aside and work on the relationship? Or should I break it off and never worry about it again? I love her so much and want this to work but I have the picture in my head of what went down and it won't leave. The thing that bother me the most is that she wanted the "break" so she could do this and when she did she hated it like I thought she would and came back to me. Am I wrong to feel mad or should I let her go and just be happy that I have her back because it happened when we were broken up?

Your girlfriend didn't cheat. You were not together when any of this happened.
If you love her why would you think of breaking up with her because of this. She is human. People do things they aren't proud of or happy with - drunk or sober. Maybe she feels that situation was a mistake and opened up to you about it in confidence because she trusts you. A great part of being in a relationship is supporting the other person and building them up. Dwell on the things that are good. Its really not her fault that you can't get it out of your head. If the situation were reversed how would you feel if she were to harp on your mistake? You should be happy that she wants only you. That in itself is a compliment. Give yourself a chance to be happy Mik2007. Life is too short.

You were on a break so she didn't cheat on you. Although if she just ended the relationship with you to try something new then decided she wanted you back that would be different, but it doesn't sound like that is what happened. I think it is normal for you as a man to feel mad. Men seem to think they own a woman and can't stand to think about another man possessing what's theirs even if it's not theirs at the time. <<<<just my point of view. As I said, she didn't cheat on you. If you really love her you'll get over it and just be thankful you got her back.

I am not going to be able to help as much as I would like, but, when someone is living a life with you then another life at another place the type of behaviour you talk about in my experience is normal. Clearly she feels something for you. It sounds like she has mentioned seeing a specialist to help in your relationship. You have hung in this far and if you love her as you say then you will do all you can until you are sure in your heart it won't work. Until you get to that point keep going. BUT be honest with yourself, we often lie to ourselves that things will be OK but the heart says not. You will know but be honest with you, in your heart the answer is.

Wow that was long. Lol but yeah, first off, if you're her first boyfriend or real boyfriend and she hasn't had any experience with other guys you should hae seen this coming. One day she would want to experiment with other people. Yeah its been 5 years and you guys love each other.but that feelings does come. Trust me I know. But one thing can be for sure. She wanted that break because she started talking to that guy and found an interest in him. She wanted to do hings with him therefor her feelings changed for you . Its not fair I know but hey lifes a b**ch. And honestly. If she's willing to give up your guyses relationjship to go have fun with other guys like she did in the summer,is tat worth taking back? Knowing she left you to go have fun and mess around with other giuys? And honestly, I don't know her or anythign but if I were in your situation, and she told me she messed around with anoyher guy but didn't sleep with him, I would still be pised off. Just the fact that she lied to you and told you she needed to think thin through, but mess with another guy, thast pretty messed up. And if she said she didn't sleep with him because she missed you, OK first off, she didn't miss you that much. She still messd with the guy, if she missed you so much, she would have had some self contol and saved that for you. Right? Bing drunk is no excuse. She wanted it and she got it. She did leave you right before after all didn't she? She knew she might cheat on you so decided to break it off for that time being that she wanted to mess around. So honestly.. maybe you should give her her space and just let her do what she wants. Because how is it going to feel every time you look at her and think about what she did to you? Most likely she wants to do a lot, maybe things you might now be able to give her, and she just wants to explore. And if its meant to be, shell come around and itl work out between you two. Just be strong and don't put up with nothing, no one dese to be hurt or anything. Good luck!

May I ask how old you to are.

I am 23 and she is 22... like she feels bad about what she did with the guy and feels dirty about what happened. I know she wanted to experiment and taking a break is pretty much the best way to do it. I am not mad about what she did anymore mostly I am mad about the fact that she lied to me. But she knows that it was wrong for her to do that too me and feels bad about how she treated me all summer. She said she did it so she could have complete freedom and to reassure herself of what she had. But she turned into someone that she didn't like and is not proud of what she did. But she keeps flip floping what she wants and that's what makes this so stressful.

I agree with E12191G. You both are very young. I would take a break and find out what you both want. I believe one day she will do this again if you stay together. You are her first love and if not now but one day she will want to see what's on the other side of the fence.

Well sometimes when your with someone for a long time the chemistry and romance does face but she did tell you that her being with someone else made her realize she wanted you maybe she needs to see what else is out their 6 years is a long time and if you haven't seen what else is out their you won't know if you found the right one. I think shell come around. Everything happened for a reason . You should start dating casually don't sit around and wait for her that's kind of what she's looking for most girls fall back on that and go do what they want because they know the guy will always be their in return. Everyone had trust issues when they come out of a long term relationship where someone breaks your heart and it takes a long time to break down the walls you build for yourself not to get hurt again but I think your best bet is to get out and go do what she's doing for all you know you might meet someone whose better for you and can meet your needs or maybe like her you'll realize you only want her and you two will get back together down the road with a fresh start

I gave you advice one month ago when you wrote your first thread on what you would need to do. Go back to the first one you wrote and read what I told you to do. You have done none of this and this is because you are holding onto any false hope which she is giving you and after 5 years this is understandable people do what you are doing after 5 months so it must be absoulutely devastating after 5 years plus. But things change and you must change with them... There is only one way to wake this girl up and create the chemistry and that is to do what I told you.. Completely ignore her and give her what she wants CHEMISTRY create some create a void! If you do not she will find another and its will definitely be truly over!!

Make it over yourself and see how she feels when you put her in your position!!

I gave you advice one month ago when you wrote your first thread on what you would need to do. Go back to the first one you wrote and read what i told you to do. You have done none of this and this is because you are holding onto any false hope which she is giving you and after 5 years this is understandable people do what you are doing after 5 months so it must be absoulutely devastating after 5 years plus. But things change and you must change with them... There is only one way to wake this girl up and create the chemistry and that is to do what i told you.. Completely ignore her and give her what she wants CHEMISTRY create some create a void!! If you do not she will find another and its will definately be truly over!!!

Make it over yourself and see how she feels when you put her in your position!!!

EXACTLY!! :)
Trust me, ex's absoloutley hate it when the tables turn on them.

You can't be a friend to a person that was your lover! It's like a break of code against the guys rule book. What are you going to talk about? A new guy she met over her lunch break?

Mik, just do what mckenzie said... almost every single person in here knows what you're going through and it's beyond terrible. But it's time to realise that she wants you no more.
I just had the same thing as you.. after 5 years she travels for one month and the half, while there she asks for a break.. she came back one week ago and broke up with me. During this week I tried my best to offer solutions but she keeps refusing and treat me coldly.. so I simply stopped and today the NC thing officially started for me.. so let us both count the NC days and move on with our lives, there is NO OTHER CHOICE.

You should feel much better now that you know that we are all having the same thing, and we all know that these ex's are not even worth it. We were loyal and tried our best, they don't want us.. be almost sure that she cheated on you and that she's been doing whatever stuff behind your back since quiet some time, not to mention that she was thinking damn well about this decision without letting you know.

Start the NO CONTACT rule, stick to it, and drop her! FORCE YOURSELF, accept it as a TORMENT, some kind of spiritual cleansing or whatever. Just do it. I realised this during last night.. I didn't have any sleep and simply analysed all her actions during the 5 years and I came to a conclusion that she could have done so many things for me in such a better way... if you start re-visting the past in an objective way, compare it with other people's relations (good ones), you will realise that she wasn't 100% into it in the first place!

Be strong man.. watch Scarface.. let it influence you and get some extra balls, why not :)

Oh, and a small note that seems to be working fine with me so far... I used "Post it" and wrote on a dozen of them "NO CONTACT YOU IDIOT" and had them all over my room.. my IM's nickname became that too.. that's one of the things that motivated me to not contact her. Hit yourself on the head and read them and UNDERSTAND what you read. Just keep it this way! I'm learning too, you know!!

Excellent she broke up with you. The world is your oyster, NOW, take from it!

No contact also please.

what is the right thing to do in this situation? I want her back but she doesn't feel the same. What can I do?
You can stop contacting her, and don't let her contact you. As others have pointed out a number of times, its not going back the way it was and your not ready to be her friend. Accept that this is over, and get your own life without her... FINALLY.

I had a question, and I think I found the answere. You guys are right, I cannot ask a man to be my "friend" if I know he has feelings for me. Even If he says he wants to, I must stay away. Is this correct, guys? I really like talking to him, but I know he likes me, and I am committed elsewhere, so should I just stop talking to him? This is the right thing to do, right? You guys as men, tell me the correct answere. I don't want to torment him, but I must admit, that the idea of never talking to him again makes me feel terrible, but I know it must be the right thing to do.

Don't do no contact with the hope of getting her back. Despite what others here will tell it is wrong and BS. No contact isn't to bring her back.
What it will do is give you chance to begin healing. Begin moving forward in a positive direction. You'll learn a lot about yourself and who you were and want to be.
It will be a huge learning curve and something that you will actually look back and be glad that you went through it in some ways.

Despite what others here preach no contact won't mean you will get her back and have a healthy relationship. They kid themselves. They are caught in their own self pity.

What no contact will do is should she come back and should you still want something with her (and that is very rare) you will hopefully have changed and learnt enough to make it work the second time around. It will take a lot of hard work though and the odds of her even coming back are slim.

Do yourself a favour and stop acting and doing things based on what you think she will do or say. Do things that are best for you. Look after yourself and concentrate on getting your life back on track. She doesn't care about you anymore. Why should you care about her??

Hello everyone,

If you know anything about me and my past posts on this site then you know how my situation goes. If not then I will give you the short version. I am (23) and I dated a girl (22) for 5 years and she went away this summer and while she was gone she wanted a break from us. During the break she messed around with a guy out there and basically wanted the break so she could experience others and live the single life to "spread her wings" so to speak. She called me crying weeks before before she was coming home and was willing to give it another try but when she did get home she changed her mind and ended up breaking up with me for good. She told me that I am amazing in every way but she doesn't see herself marrying me but still wants me to be in her life but not in that way.

Since she has been home I have not called her or emailed or anything and 3 days later she called me to ask if I am doing okay. I recently went to her place to pick up some of my things and she was there in the basement. She said if you want to come say hi I will be in the basement. I picked up my things and didn't even bother saying hi to her. When I got home I had an email waiting for me where she said things like I miss you and still want you in my life but your role won't be the same. She said that she hasent done this break up thing before (because I am her first boyfriend) and that she is looking to me for the answers. She said she is willing to do whatever I want her to do... no contact, meet in a couple of weeks or months or whatever but we can't be together and she just wants to be friends. I wrote her back days later and told her I still want her in my life but I have feelings for her so therefore talking isn't the right thing to do right now. I sent the email a week ago and haven't talked or seen her since. She never had lots of friends while we were together and being away all summer really boosted her self confidence. So since she came home she has meet some friends and has been going out partying, going crazy loving the single life. She writes little things on Facebook and msn on how she is loving being single and it seems like she is a totally different person. Her family doesn't know who she is anymore and is very annoyed with her.

I still love her and still have feelings for her. I go out and have great times with friends and continue to have no contact with her. I want to talk to her again but I don't think being friends is going to work. When I read the things she writes about her loving being single or random hookups she has had or writing that she has a crush on someone or see pictures online of her going out partying it hurts because we have been broken up for 2 weeks and it doesn't seem that she is feeling the least bit sad about losing me in her life. Even after almost 6 years she doesn't seem to be sad or think about me at all. She might be thinking about me I don't know. Everyone tells me that I am doing the right thing in having NO CONTACT with her so she can feel the void of me not there in her life. But with everything she is doing it doesn't seem to be working. I don't know if she thinks about me or misses me at all because she tells me she misses me and how this breakup is hard to do. But she will go out and party hard doing god knows what and it seems like she doesn't care anymore. My question is... I still love her and would love for things to go back to how they were but what else can I do to make her see what she lost? Should I talk to her in a few weeks and just minimize the contact so she can start thinking about me again? Please anything would be more than helpful!

Ill say it to your honestly: She's confused and doesn't no what she wants. You are the fammiliarity in her life, the safety net. Go no contact for your own sanity and let the emotional dust settle.

You've already asked this question and gotten answers so te only thing you can do is do not contact her and don't let her contact you, so you can eventually heal and deal with life with a clear head. How much clearer can she be, its over so accept it.

Hey everyone,

I am needing a little advice with something that is going to happen in a few days and I justw ant to be prepared for it. If you know me and my previous posts then you know my story. If not please check my previous posts. Now since my breakup and horrible summer that happened, my ex has contacted me asking if I am all right. I would tell her no and she would tell me that we shouldn't talk for two weeks. I said fine and didn't talk to her for a week. By the end of the week she emailed me saying that she is missing me and still wants us to be good friends like we are but we can't be together. She then told me that she is looking to me for the answers to handling this breakup and told me that anything I needed her to do she will do. I wrote her back and told her that since I still have feelings for her talking isn't the right thing right now. 3 weeks went by and I have been doing better but I still miss her from time to time. When your with someone for almost 6 years it is very hard to just lose your feelings towards that person. During the no contact she has been going out with friends and seems like she is having a great time, and I have been doing the same but still hurt over it and misses her a lot. I know that the person who does the dumping is not going to feel as bad and the one who has been dumped, but I don't know how she feels behind closed doors. I wanted no contact because that way I can heal faster and give her time to feel the void so to speak. And I have been feeling better about this but I still miss talking to her and still miss being with her as anyone would.

So after 3 weeks I decided to write her and ask her if she would like to go grab a drink sometime, just to see how her reaction would be. And she wrote me back saying that she is glad to hear from me and that she would definitely like to grab a drink and that she is looking forward to talking to me. So we are meeting this Monday and I am kind of nervous of how to go about this. Can anyone give me some pointers or advice on what not to talk about and how to act when I see her. I still love her and would like to reconnect again but I know I shouldn't talk about that too her. Any help would be great!

Never talk of getting back together, and don't have any expectation that she will, or has changed her mind. You have let false hope cloud your judgements and action.

I agree with Talaniman.

I think that you are thinking that you are going to be able to walk into this meeting and win her back. It seems to me that she is only interested in re-establishing a friendship. Unfortunately, that is territory you cannot walk in since you are still in love with her and have hopes to reconnect romantically.

I think you are setting yourself up in a bad way with this.

Hey everyone, if you know me you know my story. If you don't please check my previous posts but the short version is that I dated a girl for 5 1/2 years and she broke up with me a month ago and I still love her. I still hold the same feelings for her but have been doing the whole no contract thing since the breakup. We have talked like twice since the breakup once we went for drinks and twice I saw her at the mall. Her birthday is coming up and my question is do you think it would be okay to get her a birthday gift? A birthday card? Or just call and say happy birthday to her. If you need insight into my story please take a look at my previous posts. Please give feedback

This is just my opinion. Card OK, no gift.

? Why she's your ex.

I would say a call MIGHT be okay. But that might almost be pushing it. I don't even remember when my ex's birthday is. LOL.

Please, I'm asking you nicely.

Please don't do it. Don't do anything. This isn't an act of hostility, however every reasonable person should expect that after so long a time dating, and such short time being apart that you'd want time to yourself.

Don't do anything. Weather or not you make an effort for her birthday isn't going to affect the situation to such a degree that it makes a difference. I had this same issue after me ex dumped me, and her birthday came up, I settled on a happy birthday text message, but she never replied. Ultimately what you need to realize is that it is over, and I know you've heard this 60 million times from 20 million people but take it from me, as one more person that understands your situation. Just go about your business and try not to do anything on her birthday. It'll be hard and you'll feel like you're throwing away your best shot, but you're not.

One more thought. Her birthday shouldn't consume your life. You're not together. Do you treat your regular friends' birthdays this way? If so, can I be your friend? I need a new stereo. Otherwise, it's time to actively start shifting the way you think of her from your girlfriend to just another person in your life.

No gift, no call, no card... let it go.

Yes sirree... Focus on you now, this is YOU time... Forget her.. She's in the past. Let it pass.

well I don't know the whole situation but there could be extrme circumstances.. for example my X b-day is coming up in a few months. We recently split and her twin brother was my best friend who died and then his twin sis and I had a kid so I don't know what I will do. Def won't be any gift. But it is my best friend who died b day as well so it would only be moral to send one in my case. Unless you have extreme circumstances like that don't do anything. You think she would do it for you, if so thinik again

Its my ex's birthday.should i get her a gift?

NO! Forget her.

Well the last time that we talked I asked her if she had any plans for her birthday. So I can't make the excuse of just forgetting about her b-day or that I don't care because I asked her about it. I know I shouldn't care what she thinks anymore but because of the feelings being too strong I feel that calling her to say happy birthday can't be that wrong. Can't it?

Hey everyone, Well its been two months since the breakup and things have been both good and bad. I have see her twice since the breakup and each time I saw her it was harder and harder. 2 weeks ago she came into my work, I know she had to have seen me but she didn't come over to say hello. I found that odd but maybe she doesn't want to talk to me cause it makes her sad?. I don't know. But I went over there and said hi to her and she seemed happy to see me but its really hard to think of things to talk about. The next week it was thanksgiving (I live in canada) and I decided to send her an email saying happy thanksgiving. She wrote me back wishing me the same and asked how everything is going. I wrote her back but I haven't gotten a reply. I found that odd. So pretty much its me making the effort and not her. Which I know I shouldn't do.

She's been going out with a new group of friends and met a guy who is a lot older than her and lives out of town. He is a friends cousin I think. He wants to date her but she said no because he lives out of town. It hurts me to hear that this is going on and I know that I shouldn't really care, but I just hurt because when we broke up she told me that she thinks she has commitment issues and is afraid to commit, but has interest in someone this early in the breakup. I don't get it really! Her birthday is today and I debated to get her something. Everyone told me not to get her anything or do anything, so I didn't. Her moms birthday was before hers and I got her some flowers. She called me that night thanking me for them crying on the phone saying that she is missing me. After 6 years of always being there and then out of nowhere not be there anymore it hurts a lot. I wanted to get my ex something or even give her a call but it didn't seem like there would be any point to it. I am thinking that the reason why she is hanging out with this new guy is maybe because no one agrees with her in what she did and she is rebelling so to speak.

With more holidays coming up and events like our anniversary its not going to get better. I read a lot of posts on this site and most of them talk about them and their ex's calling each other up and emailing back and fourth. But I am not getting that. I don't want her out of my life but I know that keeping no contact is the smartest thing to do. But it just seems that the more I do that the worse I feel and it doesn't get better. She doesn't seem like she cares and I don't know how someone can turn off feelings about someone after 6 years that easily. But I don't know how she is behind closed doors and maybe she is doing the no contact thing also. I still love her but I am just not sure what else I can do. I want to keep contact because the more I am there the better chance I have to getting her back but I know it would just make me feel worse. This is just very hard to handle!!

The more your there the more chance you have of getting back with her? Common surely you have more sense than that. No Contact is the only true way of getting your 'life' back.

To get over my first girlfriend it was really hard man. Believe me she dumped me for a guy she talked to on the computer who she never met who lives in ENLGAND. Lol common you believe that. The rest of the semester for high school with me was absolutely horrible. But my friend helped me, we sat together, talked, and stayed away from her. The more you keep her out of your mind the better. What you should do to get over her though since there might not be a chance what so ever is to delete her from everything you have. Cell phone, delete her, msn delete her, telephone number delete her. The more you think about her the more the memory will stain and hurt you more. Just fade her away from your life like she was never there and the pain will be gone. It won't take a night man it will take a while but if I were you I would cut contact from her

The no contact thing is a good idea, but you also have to be sure of what you want, be strong in your decision of not loving her anymore, and with time you will achieve it. This will not be a fast process, but you will eventually leave you felling for her a side. The fact that she is acting this way means she doesn't deserve you. That's my opinion.

Hey everyone, you all have probably heard this problem before but my ex of 2 months now has just recently started dating a new guy, and I am feeling very heartbroken about it. He is 7 years older that her, lives out of town and they just started dating a week ago. And even though it was bound to happen and everyone is going to say that I saw it coming, it still makes me feel horrible and heartbroken inside. I am also kind of mad about it, because it has only been 2 months and she is already with a new guy. I know everyone is different and handles things like this is different ways but after a 6 year relationship I kind of thought that she of all people would may take awhile to meet someone new. The really crappy thing and the main thing that pisses me off the most is how I found out that they are dating. She came into my work with him, holding his hand and walking close together. When I saw them I advoided them and I don't believe she saw me at all when she was there. She knows where I work and what hours I work at so I don't know if she intentionally plan on doing this or maybe because she didn't see me she figured I wasn't there. I found this pretty low on her part and would expect it if I treated her horrible over the years but it wasn't anything close to that. It was her birthday on Monday and I worte her a small email just saying happy birthday. The next day I saw her at my work and then the next day after that she wrote me back. She wrote me back talking about what she has been doing and starts saying stuff like "i went here today and it made me remember when we went there" and stuff like that. Then says that I should call her one of these days and we could catch up. After seeing her with that guy it makes me not want to write her back but because I still have feelings for her my heart can't decide. Even on Facebook something she goes on from time to time it still says she is single. I just don't know if she is with this guy just for a rebound or what the deal is. Everyone tells me that is seems like she is keeping me on the sidelines and doing what she wants to do because the more partying and meeting new people she does, then she doesn't have to face what she did to me. And I just don't know what I did in 6 years to desurve the disrespect I am getting. Its just really hard to deal with.

I am in the same situation man, after a 4 yr relationship my ex is seeing someone. We been broken up for 6 weeks and she been seeing him for like 3 or something. It sucks a lot and she keeps saying she wants to stay in touch, and not lose me from her life. Well you know I have to come to realize you got to go NC and let them do their thing. They haven't forgotten about us or the times we had, but may be confused and in love with the illusion of something and someone new. You got to just go No Contact for a while, let them miss you and figure out what they want. It really sucks, I love her to death and want her back but for now you got to concentrate on yourself. It took me a while to realize this and its still hard but hopefully over time, we will heal and they will realize what they are missing. If not, I guess it's their loss. Good luck man, you are not alone.

Thanks for the advice buddy. Its great to hear that others are right there with me with the same problems. I love her to death so much and that's why it hurts to see or hear her with someone new. Not sure if it is just her trying to rebound but it hurts a lot. I have tried no contact but its hard. I still want to be there in her life but I know its hard to get over her if I am there. I don't talk with her everyday, maybe 3 times since the breakup but its really hard to keep this going. She is the kind of girl that needs to be told she is beautiful and looks for the attention to boost her self esteem and I was that person for 6 years. So she is probably looking for that and that's why she is with someone so soon.

Yeah probably a rebound, same as I suspect with my ex. This guy was there where she worked, she got scared and kind of bored with me maybe after 4 yrs and wanted to see what's out there. It hurts but I don't think they don't care about us, just something in their heads made them think they had to do this for themselves. I tried to get her back and cry and ask for another chance but it didn't work. At first it kind of made her mad and pushed me away further, then I backed off and she contacted me a few times here and there. We last talked via text last Tuesday and basiclaly she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. I talked to her mom and she said that she is really stressed from school and confused with her life right now. All I can do is give her the space, not bug her, maybe get back in low contact in the future, but nothing like before. You don't want to be their emotional support while they are trying out someone new. You have to let them realize what you bring to the table and what the new guy does. This will be the only way the will miss you and think twice about what they are doing. I am still in the middle of it so I know my advice probably isn't the best, but I have been on this site for almost 2 months and its helped a lot. There are a lot of good people here with advice that may be hard to take, but in the long run will be best for you. If she comes back and you forgive her great, if not well we will all be better people. I know its hard, but just remember there is always hope, you just have to realize right now things are out of your control, let nature take its course. Time will heal and will lead you guys back together or in a direction you never thought about. STay positive!

I agree with what you are saying and I commend you for what you have done so far to handle this. For me, I keep my distance from her but its really hard to do so cause I hold on to this hope that she will change her mind about us and I think that I have to keep contact so I can stay in her life. I know this is wrong but I can't help it cause I feel very lost without her. It is basically me being the one that is contacting her and making an effort and she is the one doing the no contact. It should be the other way around and that's what's weird because she broke my heart twice over the summer, ignoring me when she comes into my work and now she is coming in with a new guy to basically rub it in my face. I should be pissed off but my heart keeps me from being mad and I just miss her so much more. I don't know what I did in the 6 years to desurve the treatment that I am getting cause it never treated her like this. With the email she wrote me wanting to catch up one of these days.. I don't know if I want to respond to it. I want to talk to her because I want to speak with her but I know that if I do it won't do any good.

Argh she doesn't want you. Maybe she's not the person you thought she was. Its sad that you need someone in your life to feel 'secure' or 'happy', says it all really. Your become a stronger person because of this. NC and improve your life. Let it give you the kick up the as it did for me!

Hey everyone, I was just wondering if it would be wise to break NC for special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, christmas, valentines day etc... I know that NC is key importance to getting over a break up but is it bad to do this? Even if your ex is with a new guy/girl, would it be all right to do this if you are not over them?

No, absolutely not.

NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Absolutely NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTT.
Let them wonder what you are up to. It drives them nuts.
It won't change anything between them and newby. Just give them an ego boost.
SO NO!!

Please under no circumstances break NC!! It will only hurt YOU and make your ex think you're not getting on with your life... Even if you aren't you never, never, never want them to know that. My ex's Birthday was a couple weeks ago and even though he probably knew I thought about him I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was.

So, are you saying that unless they're not human... everybodys ex will be thinking of us at some point over the holidays?

So, are you saying that unless they're not human... everybodys ex will be thinking of us at some point over the holidays?

I like to think so, honestly I don't know how much they think about us but I think if you basically had a good relationship then they must think about us occasionally.

What if I broke up with them and want them back? I broke her heart first... and even though mines breaking now, hers is the only one that matters... she's not coming back right away because she's met someone since -> but says she's willing to someday.
No sending a card for her Birthday this week? Its been 12 days nc. I brought her flowers to work last year and bought her a necklace
Regarding NC: I want them back. This isn't just for my own peace of mind. Like I said she could possibly come back in the future. Still ice her?

NOOO contact! A holiday, a Sunday, Monday.. They are still days. Not such a good idea! If they were thinking of you then they would have contacted you, and even if they do don't answer let them leave a message to see what they have to say and their reason for calling.

Yep as above. That's what I'm going to do.

Thanks

I am in sort of a dilemma here. It has been 3 months since the break up and I have been doing the whole no contact thing off and on for the whole time. On her birthday I sent her an email just saying happy birthday and she responded back saying things like we should catch up and stuff like that. She came into my work a few weeks ago looking for me and I asked if she was up for getting together sometime the next week. She agreed and said that she would contact me to get together. The week past and I got no phone call or anything, I met a girl and went out for coffee with her and my ex found out about it. The day after making the coffee date I got a text message from my ex saying sorry about not phoning me and asked how I am doing. I didn't respond to the text cause I didn't want to seem desperate to talk to her. I went for coffee with the girl I met and really didn't have much in common with her and wasn't attracted to her because all I can think of was my ex.

By the end of the week I then decided to respond to the text message and later that evening I got a phone call from my ex. She was asking me how I am doing, how my date was and what I am up to to. Then she just came out and was blunt with me... she said she really want to stay friends and that she misses me. She says that we were together for 5 years and I am an important part in her life and wants to stay friends but doesn't know how I stand in this. She says she will do anything that will help me through this.. if it would be no contact for a year or not to call me or message me or whatever. I told her that I do still miss her and that my mind is really screwed up right now in what I want and that I do want us to talk but its too hard to do so. My question is I know that being friends is going to be hard to do and talking to her only makes me feel worse and more heartbroken, but is it possible to be friends with someone that you shared intimate moments with and still care for me than anyone in the world for 5 years? I know she cares about me otherwise she wouldn't have called me and I know that where she stands is different cause she did the dumping, but that might be how she feels now and might not feel that way later on. I am just not sure what to do cause I don't want her out of my life but I also still love her and always will so it will be hard and I can't figure out what is right. Please help

I didn't read your story.. Listen man,, Take it from me. Be friends with her. Show her that it doesn't phase you.. Be there for her as a friend. It sounds tough and I didn't do it myself and I regret it till this day.. My ex and I have a son and Her and I can't talk. I have done NC for 4.5 months but so has she.. She can't talk to me cause she knows she still has feelings for me but our relationship just doesn't work. Be friends. Be the bigger man. And learn to let go.. I thought I was starting to move on and once again the uphill battle continue. It takes time man.. But stay friends. Saying you don't know if you can be friends shows your weakk. Remember that. Be stronger then she ever thought you can be.

Im in a similar situation after being with someone for 2 years. She suggested the friend thing, but it hurts too much for me. I still care about her and would not be able to be a friend after what happened. I wish that it could be as simple as being the bigger man, but be honest with yourself, can you handle knowing she is seeing someone else, that you've been replaced, etc. Right now its time for you to heal. Do what's best for you, not how she may feel. Obviously, the women that left us weren't thinking about how we feel.

Well she has already found someone.. a month into breaking up actually! I don't know why some people are able to just drop a long term relationship and move on to someone so fast. It makes me feel like the 5 1/2 years we were together means nothing to her. He calling me shows me that she cares about me but she obviously not the way she used to judging by her new relationship. I still love her and would do anything to get her back but I am not sure if being friends would work. I don't want her out of my life but the way I want her in my life is different than the way she want me in her life. Is being friends a way to get her back or will it set myself for more heartache?

Why try to figure out someone else?

You have enough with trying to figure out your own self. Love is not trying to possess. No one is a possession. If you feel this way, then you are projecting out your insecurities. Work on who you are. Nobody is going to do that for you... no one.

It's letting go and knowing that the person you shared time with is deserving of her own decisions and actions. Have a place in your heart for her and move on with someone who might give you more of what you are seeking in a relationship.

Should you be friends with her? Well I can't really answer that question, no one here can. I have one ex that I went out with for 3 years and we are almost best friends. But then I have another that I can't stand to be around. It all depends on the situation. I do however think you need to take time for you before you try this friendship thing. Give yourself time to heal. That isn't weak, it's smart. You need to build that strength up. Here are a few things to think about... being friends with her means seeing her with other guys, even talking to her about them. It means you are accepting that you all are JUST friends. I personally don't think it sounds like you are ready to do that. Give it time hon. Go out with your friends, the ones that have been there for you. Don't put yourself through the heartache right now. Wounds take time to heal... don't pour salt in it. Good luck and I wish you the best. Don't settle for less than you deserve and be true to yourself. You are the only one who can truly look out for your best interest. Drop me a line sometime if you ever want to talk, and again... good luck. I know it's hard but remember "What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger".

<3 Leslie

Mik2007, It all depends on you. Right now it seems you can't handle it. It still hurts. You should tell her you need time to yourself for a while and you'll contact her and that you look forward to a time when you can be friends. Otherwise, believe me, you're setting yourself up to be tortured very slowly. Now Crushedoverandover, listen it's only been 4.5 months. You say you "regret it to this day" but not much time has passed. Just give yourself time to heal and then attempt. You sound like you failed but it is not abnormal for it to go that long. Relax time heals everything and if in fact you do have a child together you will be forced to see her eventually anyway, and then that's when you can attempt to be friendly. Don't be so hard on yourself.

It has been over 3 months since my ex broke up with me and lately it has been really depressing me. I stayed really good friends with her sister who doesn't respect her sisters decision at all. My ex after the first month is already with a new guy who doesn't live in the same city and she thinks its stupid and won't last. I went to coffee with a friend 2 weeks ago but I told my ex's sister that it was a "date" just to see if I would get a reaction out of my ex. The day after I told her this I got a text message from my ex asking me how I have been so right there I know she told her this. I never responded for a week and went on my "date". The following Thursday I was dumb and sent my ex an email asking how she has been. That night, I got a phone call from her out of nowhere and we talked for a good 20 minutes. She asked me how I was, how her sister talks about me and she has to ask her how I am doing all the time and how her family misses me. She then out of nowhere asked me about my "date" and asked if I liked her. I told her that I didn't have connection with her and that it was hard to be on it. She then said that she really wants us to be friends again and that she misses talking to me but doesn't know if that's what I want. She said she will do anything I need her to do to make this easier on me. I told her that I do want to talk with her but its just really hard to talk like we used to and that I don't know what I want. I don't know if she is just puttiing it on me to make a decision so she doesn't have to or does she actually care about me and what I want.

The next week I bumped into her at the same bar with her sister and right when she got in and saw me she came over and said hi with a big smile on her face. We talked for a bit but it was just small chit chat. She said that this is really awkward and I said yeah it is.. then she said well lets try and not make it awkward. We talked for a bit and then all night I tried to ignore her every time I saw her. Then she left with some friends and I never saw her again that night. To me I felt she didn't put much effort into our meeting seeing as she wants to be friends so badly. So I am confused, everyone tells me that it seems like she is just trying to feed her ego by asking about my date and how it went so she can find out if I still love her. Her sister at the bar asked me if I still love her and I said yes but its awkward to see her. And for her wanting to be friends after being together for 6 years and then breaking up, they think she wants me to be friends again so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did anymore and she will know that I am over her... which I am not. Do you all think this could be the case? Please any insight or help would be appreciated!

She may want to be friends, but not have a exclusive relationship, and contact has caused confusion, as talking to her sister was a very bad idea. Its been 3 months, and you still have not healed enough to see things in there proper perspective. Keep the sister out of your business, and move on with your life, without her as a girlfriend. Friends?? Sorry your not ready for that.

I believe that I am not ready to be friends with her at this point. I want to talk to her and keep contact but when I do it makes me feel a little more worse inside, but when I don't talk to her and don't think of her anymore I feel just as worse because she is not in my life. It just seems like she is playing the "game" as so many ex's play. Like I don't know how she can think that we can be friends if she knows how much I am hurting over this.. but that's why I am wondering if she is just trying to find out if I still like her still and wanting to know if she is still in control. Cause when I went on the "date" she called me and asked me about it which could be an example of her wanting to know if I still care about her.

Stop contacting her, and build your life around the things you enjoy, and the hurt and confusion will gradually be replaced by healthy awareness that this relationship is over, and its time to move on. NO CONTACT will allow that to happen, but doesn't mean being rude or hiding out, only not getting in deep drawn out situations that will hurt, and confuse you. You can say hi and move on about your business, as opposed to making time to talk about each other, or being put in a position that stays with you. This also applies to the sister, who may have good intentions, but stirs those old feelings around in your head. Its your time to leave all of that in the past, so you can have a healthy future.

Tough times:(

What I don't like is her getting into a relationship 1 month after your break. I know its her choice, but it seems wrong to jump right back in. The meeting at the bar was unusual, in that she left you with friends and disappeared. It may be that she used the new guy to get over you quickly, and now she is at a point where she would like to be your friend because she does not want to just slam the door.

I think that guys or girls who meet someone right after a relationship distract themselves from what hurtful feeling they may have, the other person is left to sit and wonder what went wrong. I know it sucks but I do think any contact with her will only send you further down at this point.

Thanks for the great advice talaniman and BMI. I do think that the guy is pretty much a rebound and she is with him so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. She does ask about me and wants to get together every chance we get but I do know that no contact is a smart thing. I guess I am just missing the things that we used to share as do many people do when they break up. I miss her a lot and I guess knowing she is with someone new right away really hurts and I feel that if is don't speak to her than she drifts away all together and I might not ever have a chance again.

Again, I know it must hurt to find out about the guy, which sucks. I truly wish people would consider others feelings more when they make decisions that may affect others in a negative way. Again, its her life and its not necissarily wrong to date afterward, but so soon? It reeks of rebound and leaves you picking up the pieces. Take comfort in the fact that you wouldn't do that to someone you care about and that it is you who will be better equipped to face future relationships than she ever will. I doubt this girl deserves you or your thoughts of her.

I agree that its her life and she can make her own decisions but the fact that she is with a new guy so fast after the breakup makes me feel that she just spit on what we had. And every time she does something that hurts me she will say she is sorry and then say that she is confused on how to handle all of this and how to handle the breakup. Its obvious that she doesn't feel the same way about me but when something happens like me going on the date I out of nowhere get a phone call from her. I just find this strange cause if she doesn't have any of the same feelings then why does she ask me about my date or what I have been up to lately or tell me that her family misses me and that she always has to ask her sister how I am doing? I don't know if its still a game that she is playing or just being curious

Y'know dude, it sounds as if you want to be missed more than anything. It's a quite complicated thing, we don't necissarily need the girl back OR, in some cases want the girl back, but we always want to know we mean something to someone. I'll wager that if you knew this girl missed you you'd be less concerned about whom she is with.

I have a similar situation going on, I'm not sure I even want this girl, I'm even sure that it probably won't go anywhere, but I want to find out if I still matter to her, if I get that answer I can move past it y'know.

I brought this up because of how you speak of what this and that means, you have all the information you need to know to make a decision, what you don't know is whether she misses you and you can lose your mind chasing that answer my friend.

I think we see why the two of you can't make it together. You look to deep, and she doesn't look at all.

Well of coarse I want to be missed by her. Who doesn't want to be missed but the girl or guy that breaks your heart. I was with my ex for 5 1/2 years and the fact that she is with someone so fast really gets to me. There is no telling how she is feeling because I will never know but I she is always keeping tabs on me and asking about other girls and what I have been up by asking her sis. I know I think too much into it but of coarse I would want her to miss me otherwise I wouldn't be asking for advice or opinions

My opinion, your not be patient with yourself, or your healing process. Focus more on you, and organising your life without her, and less on what you expect her to do. I suspect her small talk will be as good as it gets. Until you accept this about her and realise you have no control over her actions, you will drive yourself to an unhealthy obsession. It takes time and work on your part.

Well of coarse i want to be missed by her. who doesnt want to be missed but the girl or guy that breaks your heart. I was with my ex for 5 1/2 years and the fact that she is with someone so fast really gets to me. there is no telling how she is feeling because i will never know but i she is always keeping tabs on me and asking about other girls and what i have been up by asking her sis. I know i think too much into it but of coarse i would want her to miss me otherwise i wouldnt be asking for advice or opinions

You know, there is a member here, Chuff, he once told me that women, at times, leave you emotionally way before they leave you physically. I found that profound and quite frankly a realization that sometimes we hold on longer than we should just because the unknown can be scary. She will ask of you for a while, a 5.5 year relationship is a good length. She more than likely misses you and will keep tabs for some time. That is not what is relevant though. She has decided to move on. Even if she still has some feelings for you she has decided not to act on them. I think we all in a sense want our ex's to miss us even if we are the dumper. With time these feelings will subside on both sides. Good luck.

Well along with feeling the void of her not being there anymore in my life, the thought of her being out of my life completely bothers me just as much. I know that cutting all contact and filling the void is the universal way of getting through this but I guess the more I don't think of her.. the more I hurt just the same. I do want to talk and hear from her but its pretty much when I talk to her I feel like crap and when I can't talk to her I feel just as bad. She was and still is an important part of my life and I guess I can't get those feelings out of my head.

Welcome to the crappy world of breaking up my man.

Talking to her makes you feel like crap cause she's gone and you can't have her, makes you miss what you had. Not talking to her makes you feel like crap for the same reasons, the difference being that you miss what you had but you are NOT putting any more logs on the fire. In the long run it will be the best thing you've done.

Breaking up sucks and we think we are not strong enough to get through it. I can look back at all kinds of times in my life where I thought the hurt would never stop, but I'm here and its gone. You never really know how strong you are until you look into yourself and be proud of all the things you never thought you were strong enough to do. I always marvel at someone losing a loved one(death), I can't imagine how they deal with it and I figured I could never be that strong, but looking back everyone gets through it.

I know telling you eventually this will pass is not what you want to hear, but its reality. Start now lest you carry this around for longer than you ever should have. After all ,we are our own worst enemies, no matter how much you think it's the girl and her new man.

I agree with what your saying and I know that in time the heartbreak will pass, but that's another thing that makes me sad. The less and less I think about her or not talk to her I start to feel worse. I guess I hold on to this hope that I can get her back which I know is stupid to do so. That's why I am wondering if her calling me up after finding out I had a date is just her way of finding out if I still love her or if she really just wanted to know? From what I hear a lot of girls do this

If you still want to her back! Just ask her directly,talk with her!since you have been together for 6 years,but broke up! What could be more worse even rejected by her again! Talk with her again,then I think you will know clearly what to do next!If she does not want to be with you any more,don't waste your time! Even she said only friends,don't take any positive action to her!

I agree with what your saying and i know that in time the heartbreak will pass, but thats another thing that makes me sad. the less and less i think about her or not talk to her i start to feel worse. I guess i hold on to this hope that i can get her back which i know is stupid to do so. thats why i am wondering if her calling me up after finding out i had a date is just her way of finding out if i still love her or if she really just wanted to know? From what i hear alot of girls do this

It's an ego trip she is having much like your question. She can't believe you are moving on and getting over the amazing being that is her. The last line was sarcasm if you didn't catch it. It doesn't make her a bad person it's only natural for her to have that reaction. You guys had a long relationship. Bottom line is you shouldn't have to convince her to be with you, the best way for it to work out in all situations is for things to flow naturally. Which is why you have to distance yourself. It's the best course of action, for your mental health and because the other option will probably lead to a dead end. Good luck.

You wouldn't be having this confusion with NC.

I know that no contact would be the best thing but its just really hard to let go and not have her in my life. I was with her for a long time and it just really hard to go no contact cause she has always been there and now she isn't. She wants us to be friends but I am not ready for that right now nor am I ready to be with anyone right now. She is with someone new right now and that breaks my heart more than anything. My feelings for her make it hard to move on and when I meet someone new all I do is think about her. I am clearly not ready to be with someone else

We all know how hard and heartbreaking it is for you now, we all have gone through it. Read the links in my signature and let us know if they help.

Me and my ex dated for almost 6 years and she broke up with me 5 months ago. If you need more insight take a look at my previous posts. Recently, My life has been turned upside down with the news I have just received. She has started dating someone new since October and seems to be happy with this new guy. I sent her a text message wishing her a happy new year and didn't get a reply until 2 days later where she wrote asking me if we could get together and talk sometime. I didn't reply because I didn't want to seem desperate to talk to her and still haven't yet. Just last Friday I went on Facebook and to my heartbroken surprise she changed her profile from in a relationship to ENGAGED! After 4 months of dating she is now engaged? When I read this I broke down and felt my heart break into a million pieces. Her boyfriend is 7 years older than her and doesn't even live close to the same city. Many of out mutual friends all called me and told me how shocked they were to hear this and think this is just horrible. I haven't talked to her since but just last night when I was on the phone with a friend of mine I got a call on my voicemail. It was her and saying that she has been trying to get a hold of me and was wondering if we could talk when I get this message. She sounded really nervous on the message but I just deleted it cause I don't know what point of talking to her would do for me.

Just before we broke up she would tell me about how she has commitment issues and how she is afraid of taking the next step in our relationship. If she felt like that so strongly after 6 years together, how could 4 months with a new guy be any different. How can she change that easily? I know speaking with her will just bring me down more and I am very pissed off at this whole situation but also very heartbroken. Am I doing the right thing in not returning her phone call or text messages? Or should I confront her? Or what should I do?

Leave her alone. You're already doing the right thing.

I was in this same situation. I was with my guy for 2 years, and he was married to someone else less than a year later, to a girl whom he knew for a few months. Listen, it's their issues, their mistakes. Let her go, and let her live her life. Obviously, she doesn't have good judgement... so ask yourself why you would want someone like that. That's what I had to do, I kept telling myself: "Why would you want someone back that made such a stupid choice?" All you can do is just do your own thing, make smart choices, and just do right by you.

Same thing happened to me actually. I was with a girl for 4 years. We broke up (mutual), and she met someone else. Not even 2 months later, they were engaged.

Fast forward, it's been 2 years. They are still married, had a kid together, got a house... unreal. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I really care for her and I want her to be happy. I thought it was a HUGE mistake at first, but now I can see that maybe it's not so bad. She's REALLY happy! I'm glad that I never once said anything negative to her.

You never know.

Unreal at how often this happens, isn't it? I, too, was in this situation little over five months ago.

I was in a long term/long distance relationship with an Airman - we dated for about 2 years with plans to marry and all that good, romantic stuff. Long story short, it went sour (I'm leaving it at "went sour" for sake of brevity!) and we broke up the end of August. The end of Sept rolls around and I get a text... "I need to tell you something. I'm engaged."

Needless to say, this broke my heart, and I know your pain. What helped me? Realizing that what we had when we had it was beautiful. It ended and rather than choose to deal with the hurt and pain of being alone, he chose to rebound with a woman who obviously didn't care that she was the rebound.

That may sound harsh or snobby, but its what helped me. He chose to move on. Yes, I've had to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart alone, but it does get easier. Shakespeare helps, lol. I can honestly say to him now... even after just a short four months... that "When you do dance, I wish you A wave o' th' sea, that you might ever do Nothing but that." (The Winter's Tale~Shakespeare~) I still do love him, but for my own sanity and healing emotions, I have to wish him well...

Immerse yourself in others - it's the only way to help the hurt.

I wish you well!

Fade into the sunset, and disappear from her life, and pick up the pieces of your life. That's the best thing to do.

Hate to say it, but do what is best for YOU. If meeting with her will help find some closure.. then meet with her. If it will only make things worse for you.. then I have to agree.. move on. Try to focus on YOU for now.

This girl has no idea what she's doing or where she's going. I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out but move on to someone better. Don't talk to her at all she doesn't deserve it. Come on it took her six years to realize she didn't want to marry you? You're doing exactly what you should do.

Sorry to hear I truly feel your pain. I think closure in this situation is needed and if you are up for it I would meet with her to let her air out the truth if that's what she is going to do. Running from her in my opinion will not help. She is offering you closure I would take it. If you can't handle it then fine but if you can handle it and you need that closure take it. Sounds like she has something to say to you. Hope you can see that she is doing you a favor and there is someone out there that will not put you through anything like this!

GOOD LUCK!

Thanks for the advice everyone.. I have yet to figure out for myself if speaking to her is the right thing to do. I think she is making a huge mistake and isn't really in her right place right now. I don't want to run her out of my life but either speaking with her or not speaking with her won't make me feel better so I just have to decide what will be best for me

Actually, I just re-read the whole thing. In my situation, she left me, fell HARD for this new guy, totally in love, and it was happily ever after. She never tried contacting me after she met him. She was so heads in heels in love with this guy, she never thought twice about me.

In your case, it's not the same. If I was you, I think I'd go for it. I mean, not to win her back, but just to talk. Get your ducks in a row (thoughts organized), and have 1 pow-wow with her. Tell her your feelings, how things with this new guy could have been the same with you, and that's it. If she doesn't waver, doesn't budge, nothing like that, then that's it. Don't make her feel guilty, just let her go. But if you do it, and she does waver a little, then keep talking.

I'd meet her in person to do this by the way. Not over the phone. Not the internet. I can see a lot of verbal communication going on here that you may need to see. And if she really wants to go through with this, you need to support her, wish her the best, and let that be the end of it.

Ooohhh... lotta people going to disagree with me, but I think you need to do it. You shouldn't be sitting around going "what if" for the rest of your life. And the fact that she tried to contact you could be a sign. HELL, there's a third situation I never thought about. Maybe she fell too fast, too hard, and she wants to get out, but she doesn't want you either. She just wants to use you to help talk her out of it.

At any rate, be careful. You are walking in thin ice. I think you can do it because it sounds like you have a strong head, but you really need to be careful.

I agree with you she is reaching out sounds like she wants you to understand what is going on. I don't think this is the same as some more negative situations. You still need to focus on you and if you want to go through with it. I think you do! Good Luck!!

Wow man, umm I don't know about most but your story is basically like mine. You will get over it trust me. I did, my ex is supposed to be married to a man 15 years older then her in the end of feb. She cheated on me with him. Trust me you will get over it. Sure I still think about it... But dude just laugh it off. Are you kidding , how stupid is someone to get engaged after for months. Mine did it after 2-3. I know it is hard, I was preety devastated when I found out. Tell your friends not to tell you stuff about her. It just makes it harder. I hope you decide to go No contact, now more then ever, I would have nothing to say to her. Ummm 6 years then 4 months later. Not to give you false hope but her and him won't last, once the novelty wears off they will split. Don't take this as a chance to get ack together take it is a chace to be free. YOu better not go back. I know my ex is already starting to play games with me from me having NC. But I'm not going to cave because I choose not to have her in my life. YOu should do the same. So make a choice! She isn't even worth your attention.

I am agreeing with all the advice I am getting. Thanks everyone! Some tell me that meeting her will give me closure and answers to a lot of questions that I have while others tell me that she is not worth my time. I agree with both! She isn't worth my time anymore but I also would like answers to what gave her 6 years to realize she didn't want to be with me but only 4 months with someone else to get engaged. I also want to know from everyone if you were invited to the wedding would you go? And would you be happy for that person if you just recently broke up with them?

i am agreeing with all the advice i am getting. thanks everyone!! Some tell me that meeting her will give me closure and answers to alot of questions that i have while others tell me that she is not worth my time. I agree with both!! she isnt worth my time anymore but i also would like answers to what gave her 6 years to realize she didnt want to be with me but only 4 months with someone else to get engaged. I also want to know from everyone if you were invited to the wedding would you go? and would you be happy for that person if you just recently broke up with them??

Wow... would "I" go to the wedding? Personally, from my own experience with all of this stuff, I couldn't, but maybe that is because I'm an emotional female. They say that sometimes, when you love someone so much you have to let them go... it doesn't change your own feelings for the person, you still love them and want the best for them... so, I guess, one day, yes. You will be "happy" for them and their happiness. Its not going to come right away, but someday your phoenix will rise from the ashes...

(wow... feeling rather literary-cheesy this morning! LOL! Please excuse that!)

BTW: I also agree with a previous post about living with the "what if." You don't want that. So, whatever you decide to do, best of luck! :o

My ex, while we were dating, had asked me, "if we break up later on, and we go our separate ways, would you come to my wedding?"

... my answer was no. granted, if I had gotten over her, and we really did go our separate ways, then possibly. But if she had gotten married within a year or two of us breaking up, not a chance.

It's too cliché of an opportunity for me to say I OBJECT TO THIS WEDDING! In hopes that the bride will jump off the altar and run away with me.

... yeah. Couldn't give that one up... just for poops and giggles.

No.

My ex's mom gave me a call asking me what the matter was and I told her that I just found out about everything. She told me to hang in there and things will get better and if I need anything she is there for me. My ex probably now knows that I know about her engagement... even though I was bound to find out from someone. Because of her knowing already she probably isn't going to try and call me back anymore so is it still a wise decision to talk with her like she wants or just leave it as it is?

You should have nothing to say to her. She is engaged and doesn't even care how you feel about it. Selfish. Im sorry she doesn't care about the last 6 years. Dude you can do better. Trust me, she loves the fact that she knows it bothers you, Mabe ust act civil. She isn't with you so don't worry, But her and this guy WILL NOT LAST. Im sorry, not trying to give you false hope of her return, but just so you know this new relationship won't last. . Things that move this quik die out just as quik

she sounded really nervous on the message but i just deleted it cause i dont know what point of talking to her would do for me.


People do not get nervous unless they still have feelings, otherwise she would have just avoided you. None the less, my take is that she is infatuated with the new guy, its new, fun, exciting, where after 6 years in any relationship things slow down and either you mature and become best friends (love) or you search for new excitement.

But unfortunately, she's in a position now where it could impact you for a long time if you pine after her. I would simple tell her that I hope that you are happy and I need to back off and heal, may be in a few years we can be friends again.

Then NC, and take the time for you to heal. Sorry for your loss, I had one of those too.

You could just be honest?

Send her an email, tell her you got her message but have been reluctant to call back because you still are hurt and not ready to deal with that conversation emotionally. Tell her you also saw the new engagement notice and wish her all the best. If she's the pushy type, then ask her to "respect my decision to not converse in person at this time".

That may be enough to answer any question she has. And no harm done on your end, but you get a bit of closure.
Knucklez

If I decide to email her what is the right way to do it. Do I lie and act normal or should I be honest with her in how I feel about all of this. She has tons of people congratulating her and finds no problem with this and then there are some people who think she's crazy and tell me that there is no way this engagement is going to work. Even her mom took it in as a shock but that's what she tells me that probably not her. I think I want to contact her but I don't know how to do it right or what good it will do for it or me for that matter

if i decide to email her what is the right way to do it. Do i lie and act normal or should i be honest with her in how i feel about all of this. she has tons of people congratulating her and finds no problem with this and then there are some people who think shes crazy and tell me that there is no way this engagement is going to work. Even her mom took it in as a shock but thats what she tells me that probably not her. i think I want to contact her but i dont know how to do it right or what good it will do for it or me for that matter
If your unsure about what's right, and what's best, do nothing.

Well, I did something that a lot of people will give me crap about but maybe not I don't know. When she got engaged she texted me asking if we could get together, after a week of feeling depressed about it I took the advice of meeting with her to gain some closure in the my soul. What I got was no improvement and I feel the same and maybe a little worse.

We meet and I soon understood that this was maybe a mistake. She first told me that she was surprised that I wrote her because she thought that when I received the news of her engagement she thought that I hated her. I told her that I don't hate her I just hate this situation. Like how does someone end a 5 year relationship, dates a new guy in a month and then gets engaged 4 months later? She said that she wanted to get together so she could tell me the news in person and that she is sorry that I found out on Facebook and not her. She told me that she is just confused on how to handle this break up and is upset knowing that I am upset and wants me to tell her what I want her to do to make me feel better about all of this. I told her that if the roles were reversed what would she want me to do... she said she doesn't think she would know what to say. I said what I want I can't have so I don't know what to say. I told her that I still love her and there hasn't been a day since we broke up that I haven't thought about her. She told me that she knows that I feel this way and that it hurts her to see me like this. She told me that she has nothing negative to say about me, that she wouldn't have changed the 5 years we had together for anything, and that I made her what she is today. When I would ask her why she did the things she did she would just say that she doesn't know why she did them and that she is confused on how to handle all of this. We left our meeting and she said that she was happy that we met and that if I need anything I can call her and then she gave me a hug. I went home very upset and cried a little bit thinking that maybe that meeting was a mistake cause it didn't make me feel any better. I said what I wanted her to know but she already knew how I felt already.

I am sure she loves him cause she wouldn't be engaged if she wasn't but everyone I talk to all believe that she is making a mistake. They think she will soon find out that mistake and will regret it. She looked sad when we had our meeting so I know she cares but pretty much nothing I said to her probably did anything and I kind of expected that. Friends think she seems like she is wanting to keep me on the backburner in case this doesn't work out and probably loved hearing that I still love and care for her. This just hurts so much and I I hate feeling like this. I just can't feel happy or excited about anything anymore and I don't know what else to do to make this better. I told her that when I talk to her it makes me sad and when I don't talk to her I feel any better either. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I guess maybe I should have taken some time to think it through and shouldn't have gone to meet her so fast. I guess I am wondering why it gets harder than easier to stop feeling this way?

You must take one day at a time, something is stuck in your ' gullett ', that is the place where deep feelings are held. It will not be easy but depending on your situtation, maybe you should take one HOUR at a time by keeping yourself busy. Keep your mind busy. Do things for others. Keep very busy, and go to sleep tired. Find a person that your trust, and DON'T TALK ABOUT HER. You thought that I would say TALK ABOUT IT, no! Don't keep very busy.

Dude, you said you think no contact is the best thing to do, so why are you still contacting her and trying to get her back? The best way to stop the pain is no contact.

Do that for yourself, it ll get easier slowly. You said she doesn't care anymore, so let her go and move on with your life. I know its hard but you have to do what's best for you now and not her.