Hello all,

I have been reading many many different posts in here cause I have had a horrible breakup and have been to shy to post until now. I really thought I was doing the right thing and I am still but wanted some opinions since many of you are very understanding and seem to know what you are talking about. I kind of have nobody I can talk to and am really hurting. I will give you all a short summay of things:

We have been together for 5 years, however we were involved while I was still married to someone else. So we really have been together for about 2 years just her and I after I got divorced in which I moved in with her.

She said she broke up with me cause she was tired of not moving forward in our relationship, meaning I had not asked her to marry me yet. Which is what we both talked about through this whole time. We had been living together since I got divorced 2 years ago.

It has been 10 1/2 weeks since we broke up.

Since the breakup she and I have only spoken on the phone a handful of times and only weeks later, most of the communication has been in text messages. I have been real good about not texting her, or calling her. At first she wanted to see a therapist but then she changed her mind a week after the breakup and said she wanted to date for a while and figure out what she wanted. She is seeing someone and I am not sure but he may be living with her, all she said was she got a roommate. At first I was upset but tried to be cool and said I think that would be best, then I started to date someone.

Here is a short summary of our relationship. We met while I was still married, I was having problems in my marriage and she became a friend to talk to. Of course it changed and we fell in love. I was wrong for having an affair but couldn't deny my feelings I had for her, we just fit if you know what I mean and I would do anything in the world to make her happy. I got so confused over it all with her and my ex wife but in the end I finally left and got divorced cause I wanted to be with my girlfriend. Now I know I should have not waited for as long as I did to leave my marriage, but I am what you would call a very EMOTIONAL man and that makes it even worse when you have something like this happen. I was a basket case. Anyway, she and I have been on this roller coaster of up and down for way too long. She would not stop with the comparing herself to my ex wife and over and over fought about our relationship. She didn't believe me when I said I left her. My ex wife played the victum WELL and turned most everyone against me, friends and family alike. Used that devil website MYSPACE to cause so much drama. I didn't know what to do, I absolutely have had ZERO contact with my ex wife. I have nothing to say to her I don't love her anymore. My girlfriend still obsesses about her and won't stop with the comparing. I love her and only her. She just can't stop this jealously about my ex wife or for other girls for that matter that don't mean anything to me. I have never cheated on her, however since I cheated on my ex wife WITH her why should she believe me right? I am so dedicated to her and us, but have not been able to show it cause of all the drama with her not truly trusting me.

Up to the point of her breaking up with me, I thought we were doing OK, getting through this and really getting along. However I know she has been distant, still not being as close about us and it has made it worse. Then the big thing happened. Her sister got engaged, they are very close in age only 1 year apart. When that happened my heart sank and I just knew it was just a matter of time. Then 3 days later she broke up with me, kicked me out of her house and said she is done with this relationship. The fight was just a small one and she just wanted to talk about us living apart for a while and starting to date each other again. I had a fit and was like you can't go back to that after all we have been through and it just snowballed out of control into a major fight. I know she just wanted me to marry her and show her how much more she means to me than my ex wife. That was not why I had not asked her. It was over her constantly worrying about my ex wife and not worrying about our relationship.

Now over the past 10 1/2 weeks I have tried some of the advice in different ebooks about how to get her back. I agreed with her and said we needed time apart. I have not called her or text messaged her. She is always the one who contacts me. The first week was bad, I was so upset and couldn't believe she did this. I finally asked her to go see a counsler with me and she agreed. The next week she changed her mind and said she needed time and space to figure out what she wanted. I was so confused. Then the following week I find out she is seeing someone, and was not sure but think he moved in with her. So I just did what the ebook said and didn't contact her. Then 2 weeks later she text messages me how much she misses me and how she loves me and this is killing her, this went on for a few days. We talked on the phone and I totally fall off and get all emotional and start in on my begging. It did no good. She told me I am the love of her life and wants to be with me but now its complicated and she has feelings for someone else now as well. I have been dating someone as well, but don't have feelings for her, she is not my girlfriend and my girlfriend says this guy is not me. I told her I wanted to marry her and I would drop everything if she would just give us another chance. She got like she has been usually and was all like I need a few days to think this over. That was 3 weeks 2 days ago. I have not contacted her or been obsessed to even try to get anything out of this. However I have been going out of my mind in private and am so confused on what to make of all this. I guess my question is did I wait too long to put NC into practice? I will not call or text her, drive by her house, check anything online, etc.. Honest. I will follow the rules of the ebook and have been without fail. I know I really believe in myself and confidence is a key. I understand the one with the power in the relationship is the one who needs it the least. I am just curious with everyone's experience and hearing all sorts of story's, am I just beating a dead horse? Listen I did something real DUMB and I am sure you are going to be like MAN why did you do that? I really thought things were going to come around and so I went out and bought an engagement ring just to be prepared. I feel awful for doing it and feel like such a desperate fool. This is what she was wanted for so long with me to and that is word for word what she said, so I just thought it would show her I was serious. Big mistake huh? Well honestly tell me, am I just being played? Will this turn around if I keep with the NC procedure?

I am trying to move on with my life and be about my happiness. I bought my own house last month, been dating a little, trying to keep my mind off this. It is hard since I don't really have that social circle cause of my ex wife. My girlfriend was my social scene and now I am just alone. I want her back and will do whatever it takes to make that happen. Is there any advice you all can give me from your experience? I really need some help in getting us back together. I just don't understand how she can have feelings for someone she has only been with for a few weeks. But I bet this was going on behind my back and now I am just screwed. I have just screwed myself by waiting too long and am unclear on what to do, is 10 1/2 weeks a lost cause?

This really hurts the most, 3 1/2 weeks ago she said she needed a few days to think about what she wants and would let me know. Yesterday I finally get 6 text messages from her through out the day and she said she decided we should go our separate ways in the first one. I am CRUSHED!! I never replyed to any of her texts. After all the time together she sends me a text to say goodbye. How cruel is that. Her last text was she thinks it is real #$%^ up I didn't reply to her and so she said #$%^ me and #$^ us. I kept thinking to myself I will not reply that is so mean and cruel. Plus what does it mean #$%^ us? She broke up with me again why does it matter if I am not replying if there is no US?I am so DEVISTATED but will keep the NC rule in place until she comes around to acting like I matter at all. Am I just a fool for all this? I feel terrible and am lost. It has been almost 3 months since the initial breakup but after yesterday I feel like it just happened again. I am so lost and alone. I gave up all I was to be with her and build a life. I am such a fool!

You weren't happy with your wife and as it turns out you and the one you cheated with didn't last. Sorry you need to be alone, and learn to make yourself happy. You also need the skills to make a relationship work, you need a lot of work on yourself, or the same thing will happen again.

I second that. Avoid her like the plague until your strong enough to accept the consequences of her rejecting you. Plus look how well you are doing you have your own home and your dating. Look man, I'm also completely alone and out of the social circle but with the net and with extra curricular activities you're bound to find like minded people. If you join a book club or karate or something that you're interested in you may run into someone who is really for you. Finally, if she kicked you out and said she wanted to date you it's not because she wants to marry you, it's because she wants to become more available. Shield your emotions for they may betray you now.

Sorry, but I can't help thinking if you had worked as hard on your marriage, as you did getting with this other chick, things may have been different. We will never know. What we do know is that this laison with her ruined any chance you had, and that adultress, false love faded very quickly. I hope you learned your lesson.

Hey diamondstar, I just have the feeling of sharing the pain with you when I read your story, I just don't know what best advice I would give you now.

However personally, I think you should stick on the NC rule as the ebook said. Just think it's a breakup for good. If there is nothing like your breakup with your ex wife and now your girlfriend, you would never know you have problems. If you consider all of this an experience, and that from now on, you will be better.

I think I can explain the behavior of your girlfriend, but now I guess it doesn't matter anymore. This woman is being desperate and very unhappy too, I guarantee! So you don't need to reunite with an unhappy person with the intention of building a happier life. That's just not logical!

Love and respect yourself and learn to live happily alone and tell us how things go and how you feel day after days. We'll check on you.

Hello all,

Talaniman try not to be so mean man, I am not here to discuss my bad judgement for what I did and how I messed up my marriage. I know that already and fyi I did WORK on it, just couldn't deny my feelings for this girl. There were many other factors in my failed marriage that have nothing to do with my current situation, and to be honest with you I know in my heart this relationship was not false love. Don't know how you can say it faded quickly. I know you have plenty of experience and knowledge with relationships and I respect your opinion and yes I learned a lesson. Listen all I know is that my girlfriend affected me so deeply and I have never felt that way about anyone ever in my life. I am not some young kid, I am in my 30's so its not like I am without experience. Sorry if I am being defensive not meaning to. I am just real real hurt. She means the world to me, and I know the feelings weren't false. 5 1/2 years is a long time for it to be false love. Anyway, sorry I am just very sad I don't mean to snap back. I appreciate you all even replying. I am just so hurt. I have been trying to work on myself and respect myself. I know I lost a lot in all of what happened. She just really hurt me, and I was getting better being with her, just have taken too long once again to show action I guess. I really miss her and know she is gone. It just pains me to no end how I really thought I knew her. We shared so much time and emotion with each other. I guess since I took too long to divorce and be with her, she always had that in her mind, no matter how much she loved me. Now I just feel like what she has done is turn the tables around and wants me to hurt like she did. I am so heartbroken cause all I ever wanted was to build OUR life together. I just couldn't handle the comparing with my exwife, I mean I left cause I wanted to be with her. She just never believed that I guess.

I have been doing good on the outside, I have bought my own house on the other side of town. I have been dating and trying to keep busy thanks enigmagnetic. I have avoided big time, I don't even go near her house and where she works. It doesn't seem to matter though cause everywhere I look and all I see reminds me of her in some way or another. Then my insides just breakdown. I am so heartbroken in private, I cry and feel so sorry for myself. This just makes no sense to me, why go through the trouble of 5 1/2 years of being with someone, then 2 years of actually being together. Having me around her family A lot, wanting to marry me and have a family, to kicking me out and being so cold and cruel? I am such a fool. For the short time we have had any contact in the first weeks of the 11 weeks I did act way too needy and begged her to not do this and get back together with me. I know that just pushed her away even more. I have done wonderful with the NC rule since, she is the one that broke up with me. Why should I be the one to feel so sorry for myself. I am a good person and deserve better than that. I just don't understand how she can be so cold after sharing so much love and bonding with me and sharing our emotions so strongly. I know I should focus on her faults and not try to put her on a pedestal, I mean she is the one who ripped out my heart and stepped on it, I am so foolish for being so needy about her. I just miss her terribly.

lmnotok thanks for what you said, I am trying to love and respect myself. It is hard to be alone especially when all I do is think about her. But I will not break NC until she comes around with some feelings like I matter. I so deserve better than that and also deserve more care than some text message saying bye after all the stuff we have had to go through already. She just means the world to me, I hope one day she realizes that and how much this has hurt me. I know she must have been hurt also dealing with me while I was still married, I sure took a lot of grief over it from her. Now it seems she is getting back at me for that by doing something similar. Guess it doesn't matter that her knowing the pain she had to go through and inflicting it on me now must not matter to her. I can't believe I bought her an engagement ring, what a desperate fool I am. I was going to keep it for a while just in case, but that seems like wishful thinking. Like I have read in here many different times, if she really loved me and wanted to be with me she would not have broke up with me. I just wish I knew how to get through to her and see her smile and love me like I used to see. I could just tell in the way she looked at me and how she would glow. I know in my heart those feelings are true! I miss her so much.

Hello all,

I am really sad, can someone please give me some insight? I am so hurt and confused! Help please!!

Hello D/star, Thanks for the heartfelt reply, and my intent was not meanness, but being as straightforward as I can be. My goal was information, which you amply provided. That you have only talked of her, and not your wife speaks volumes. I can't help but feel that she was a major distraction on your life, and sorry she chose to hurt you the way she did. My reference to false love, was from what you wrote, she did not return what you gave her, and when you became available, she didn't want it, and just to be sure this is not the first time I've seen a relationship started in need by one, and heavily invested emotionally go down the tubes. Enough of the past, and what was. Let me turn your attention to now, and the pain you have caused and endured. One question. What happened to your marriage, if you can give me some background?

Pay back is a b**ch!. The grass is always greener in someone else's yard!.
This lady had no problem with you when you were not available, and now that you are, because you didn't jump to marry her right away (and thank goodness you didn't) she is now looking else where.
Stay on your road to recovery. Leave this lady alone. She has already caused enough havoc in your life.

Dstar, when you are sad, all you need is to cry, cry out aloud then things will be brighter. That's what I did.

I re read your post. Why after 2 years had you not married this woman you left you wife for? Not excusing her, but she is probably figuring she played second fiddle while you were married, you get divorced and she's still a side piece instead of a wife. So, after two years, I can see why she got tired of waiting.
Anyway, it's best to just let it go.

Diamondstar... congratulations for dealing with this most horrible situation with as much dignity as you have. Also I respect you for being true to yourself and leaving your marriage when you realised you did not love your wife. Heartbreak is a terrible feeling and a journey that we just have to go through... there are no pat answers and there are no right or wrong ways to deal with it.. how you are dealing with it is right for you... you just got to feel the pain and keep going. Give time, time. I really feel for you I'm sure you had dreams of setting up a new life with this woman and you were brave enough to take the steps to be with her. You are obviously a strong person in that respect and you will (although you don't feel it now) get stonger through this journey. I wish you all the best, you may not get the answers you want now... but the answers you want may change with time and then you will find happiness again.

Sorry for the delay in reply's,

I have not had the drive to get out of bed for almost 2 days. I am feeling so awful and depressed.




Yesterday 01:56 AM
Talaniman Hello D/star, Thanks for the heartfelt reply, and my intent was not meanness, but being as straightforward as I can be. My goal was information, which you amply provided. That you have only talked of her, and not your wife speaks volumes. I can't help but feel that she was a major distraction on your life, and sorry she chose to hurt you the way she did. My reference to false love, was from what you wrote, she did not return what you gave her, and when you became available, she didn't want it, and just to be sure this is not the first time I've seen a relationship started in need by one, and heavily invested emotionally go down the tubes. Enough of the past, and what was. Let me turn your attention to now, and the pain you have caused and endured. One question. What happened to your marriage, if you can give me some background?


Talaniman, thank you so much for your reply. I am real sensitive at the moment and appreciate you being informative. I am just so hurt. I am not sure what I can say about my failed marriage, there were many issues like jealously from her, then wanting a family played a big part. She kind of pushed me aside to the back burner to focus %100 on a family. It was a horrible time, I felt like I was not important anymore.



Yesterday 05:27 AM
Lmnotok Dstar, when you are sad, all you need is to cry, cry out aloud then things will be brighter. That's what I did.


Lmnotok I do cry, seems sometimes I can't stop. I wear myself out and end up falling asleep but wake up a few hours later. This has been 11 weeks now and after last Thursday I feel like she broke up with me all over again. I have NOT done anything to contact her and will not. I feel so afraid to even leave my house. I have bad dreams a lot and can't seem to get anything about her out of my mind, I am such a sorry sap.


Yesterday 05:30 PM
Homegirl 50 I re read your post. Why after 2 years had you not married this woman you left you wife for? Not excusing her, but she is probably figuring she played second fiddle while you were married, you get divorced and she's still a side piece instead of a wife. So, after two years, I can see why she got tired of waiting.
Anyway, it's best to just let it go.



Homegirl 50, you are so right. The only reason I had not asked her is that she was, every few weeks or so, bringing up my ex wife in some kind of comparasion. I swear I was so trying to mend all the negative emotions that had to do with it all so she would know how much she means to me. I kept trying to help us and show her that she is the most important person to me in the world. I guess asking her to marry me would have made the difference. We kept talking about it, I just wanted her to let go of the anger about my ex wife is all. Its not like I even had contact with her. I had nothing to say to her. If she would have focused as much on our happiness instead of obsessing about my ex wife I know for sure I would have asked long ago. I prayed every day that she would see what she was doing and I ended up doing everything I could to show her, except the one thing she wanted. However I was so scared she would have just been the same way even being married or engaged. I guess I didn't take a chance. You are right I really messed up BAD, I miss her so much and hate that all this seems like it was for nothing. I am sure she felt in her mind like she was still 2nd place. I never meant to give off that impression, I just wanted her to focus on us instead of a relationship that was over. I chose her and guess I am getting what I deserve now.


Yesterday 05:36 PM
MayfairLady Diamondstar... congratulations for dealing with this most horrible situation with as much dignity as you have. Also I respect you for being true to yourself and leaving your marriage when you realised you did not love your wife. Heartbreak is a terrible feeling and a journey that we just have to go through... there are no pat answers and there are no right or wrong ways to deal with it.. how you are dealing with it is right for you... you just got to feel the pain and keep going. Give time, time. I really feel for you I'm sure you had dreams of setting up a new life with this woman and you were brave enough to take the steps to be with her. You are obviously a strong person in that respect and you will (although you don't feel it now) get stonger through this journey. I wish you all the best, you may not get the answers you want now... but the answers you want may change with time and then you will find happiness again.

Thank you Mayfairlady, it was a so difficult to go through. I was so upset all the time. It was heartbreaking but just know I love this woman with all my heart and soul. Your kind words mean a lot. I have felt so alone since most everyone turned on me with my decision to divorce. Now that my GF broke up with me I have once again lost my best friend. I am very depressed and wish there was some way I could at least stop seeing her every time I close my eyes, and everywhere I see something reminds me of her. I feel terrible...

All you women that have replyed, I know it is a long shot but in my situation do you think she will ever come back so I might really prove to her I want to marry her? I know that I have to let her go, which I am doing since I am so heartbroken once again from her text message. How can someone who you love and spent so much time with be so cold by saying goodbye in a text? I miss her terribly, all I can do is just give her what she wanted which is to leave me. I just can't understand how she can't miss me and love me anymore? She stuck it out through my marriage, and my divorce to be together. Then to decide its over? I feel like such a fool and so stupid I was not able to see this. I guess I focused %100 on trying to make her happy she just lost interest in me. How ironic is that. I am so lost and sad. This hurts so much. I mean she has not even seem me in over 11 weeks. GOSH I hate this... everyone forgive me, I am going on and on. I am sorry for being so emotional and sad. Its just that I never felt more comfy with anyone else ever in my life. I know it was real, guess when it actually came down to it she was bored with me since I was not a challenge anymore. That makes me so sad to think that way but nothing else makes since. I am just so confused!! I really thought I would be better, but I can't get her out of my heart. We were so happy once, it just fit. Gosh I should have stood up and done right, I miss her so much! I don't even know if she misses me, all her actions make me feel like I was nothing, I hurt all over, please help!

Dear d/star. I just been through a break up, well still going through it. It's simply the worst feeling in the world. I went to friends to talk and they told me it wasn't the last I would hear from him. This totally built my hopes up that I would one day hear from him... so I sat around waiting and waiting. Why put your life on hold... do things for yourself... get up do things you don't want to do... you will feel better. Then IF she does get in touch you will be in a much better place to decide whether she is worthy to be part of your wonderful life or not!!

I think it's best that you forget her and move on. I'm still not understanding why you chose not to marry her. Maybe her insecurity came form your not doing so. At any rate, I think you should move on.

You have invested too much into someone who cannot give you what you want, and must accept that for whatever reasons, it didn't work. You may feel like your life is in chaos, but maybe for the first time in a long time you are in position to know who you are and build a life you enjoy, by learning to love yourself. See a doctor to make sure you can get healthy, and when all the dust settles, you may see that this will work for the better. Give yourself time to heal.

You know what?pain has its own precious value. PAIN ALWAYS MAKES US CHANGE! Just like the physical pain, it's the signal telling you to stop sticking into the painful area, emotional pain has the same meaing, its telling u its time to view the problem differently. Or else, the pain keeps on breaking u until u learn the lesson.

Specifically, why don't you think ON HER VIEW?? And think about what is the REAL PROBLEM with yourself when u guys were in the relationship? IS that just all her side that had insecurities? IS that all about her? I don't think u didn't have any concerns/problem/issues. So just tell me about it, then I think I would help u a bit more.

I'm still thinking it was the not marrying her or not even asking to marry her when you had been divorced for two years. Maybe she was insecure because of that. But of she has been gone for 11 weeks, I'd say she was pretty hurt and is done with you.

d/star : I am sorry about what has happened to you but it seems like you are just getting Karma. Now you know how your wife whom you cheated on and then dumped for another woman felt. I know you said you fell in love with this Girl but you had made a commitment to your wife to love her and there is no way you could have put a 100% towards your marriage if you were busy screwing another woman. Life has a way of coming back and biting us. You cannot get away with anything without it coming back to you. The woman who has left you now probably does not trust you enough to love you because she knows that if you could have cheated on you wife you will do the same to her as soon as you find another woman you feel connected to. She has probably been cheating on you with the guy she is seeing now. Marriage is serious and she knows you don't take it seriously and women like a man whom they feel secure with. You need to call your ex wife and apologize to her sincerely for the pain you caused her, for you to released from the Karma and if you know God you need to ask for his forgiveness because you broke a comittment you made to your wife the day you married her. MY advice to you : Move on. If this woman has told you she does not want you she probably has no feelings for you anymore especially if she is seeing someone else. Break ups are not easy and the only way to heal is time. And it helps a lot if you stop all communication with her, even if she calls. I know that is hard but the more you talk to her the more refreshed the pain becomes and you go back to square one. Focus your life on other things and you will meet a new person and hopefully you will be mature enough to learn from your mistakes and truly commit to the next person you meet

It sound like you are in a lot of pain. Maybe you need to talke to a friend or brother and let of some steam. If she has someone else chances are she does not miss you. Just like you probably did not miss you wife when you left her because you had this woman to focus on. She is porbably focusing on this new guy too... the best is to move on, because relationships that start of infedelity never last because the other person will always know what you are capable of. Even if she come back and you marry her, she will still feel insecure because she knows first hand what you were doing to your own wife while you were married. & and a marriage with out trust is DEAD. So the best is to move on and start afresh with a new person who does not carry the baggage. I know I may sound harsh but I am just trying to be realistic with you. The choises we make have conseqenses and you just have to deal with them, learn from them and move on. Its not the end of the world. There are other women in the world you can meet and click with.

Thank you all for your replys, I am sorry I am such a mess. I miss her more than anything in the world. Just hurts so bad.


Today 05:44 PM
MayfairLady dear d/star. I just been through a break up, well still going through it. It's simply the worst feeling in the world. I went to friends to talk and they told me it wasn't the last I would hear from him. This totally built my hopes up that I would one day hear from him... so I sat around waiting and waiting. Why put your life on hold... do things for yourself... get up do things you don't want to do... you will feel better. Then IF she does get in touch you will be in a much better place to decide whether she is worthy to be part of your wonderful life or not!!

Mayfairlady, I am sorry you are going through a breakup as well, and you are
right it is the worst feeling in the world. I have been trying to be better but
I keep losing it you know, it just hurts so bad. I don't want to burden my friends
and family with it anymore. Guess I will just do my best and pray I will find a way.
Thank you for your kind words.


Today 06:12 PM
Homegirl 50 I think it's best that you forget her and move on. I'm still not understanding why you chose not to marry her. Maybe her insecurity came form your not doing so. At any rate, I think you should move on.

Today 09:54 PM
Homegirl 50 I'm still thinking it was the not marrying her or not even asking to marry her when you had been divorced for two years. Maybe she was insecure because of that. But of she has been gone for 11 weeks, I'd say she was pretty hurt and is done with you.


Homegirl 50, maybe and guess I was not thought of enough to try. I feel so foolish like
I am so neive. I know she is hurt, just wish she would have helped with us instead of her.
I miss her and it kills me she doesn't care anymore. I am so hurt, sorry for being such a
sap and sad with all this. Just really wasn't expecting this.


Today 08:08 PM
talaniman You have invested too much into someone who cannot give you what you want, and must accept that for whatever reasons, it didn't work. You may feel like your life is in chaos, but maybe for the first time in a long time you are in position to know who you are and build a life you enjoy, by learning to love yourself. See a doctor to make sure you can get healthy, and when all the dust settles, you may see that this will work for the better. Give yourself time to heal.

talaniman, yeah I will do my best and try to heal. I just miss her so much. I can't
seem to stop hurting. I am feeling so foolish and embarressed. I hate that I am so sad
all the time. I hope to be better tomorrow.


Today 09:37 PM
lmnotok You know what?pain has its own precious value. PAIN ALWAYS MAKES US CHANGE! Just like the physical pain, it's the signal telling you to stop sticking into the painful area, emotional pain has the same meaing, its telling u its time to view the problem differently. Or else, the pain keeps on breaking u until u learn the lesson.

Specifically, why don't you think ON HER VIEW?? And think about what is the REAL PROBLEM with yourself when u guys were in the relationship? IS that just all her side that had insecurities? IS that all about her? I don't think u didn't have any concerns/problem/issues. So just tell me about it, then I think I would help u a bit more.

lmnotok, I know I had issues with her as well. I just think I felt real guilty about
all that went on. I tried to mend the negative emotions from it all without really seeing
what was going on right in front of me. I just wanted to make her feel better and know
I loved her more than anything in the world. I guess by not asking her to marry me and
really showing her %100 commitment might have made a difference. I just wanted her to let
go of all comparasions. I left cause I love her. It was just more important to think about
my ex wife instead of us I guess. I feel awful and foolish. I love her with all my
heart. I have no way of proving that anymore. I am in such pain and she seems just fine.
That is what really hurts. I just don't matter anymore. I lost a lot of me and guess that
is who she fell in love with, I just needed help as well to feel confident and strong again
but she was too worried about my ex wife which I had no contact with or wanted. I am so
sad and hurt so bad, I miss her so much.


It sound like you are in a lot of pain. Maybe you need to talke to a friend or brother and let of some steam. If she has someone else chances are she does not miss you. Just like you probably did not miss you wife when you left her because you had this woman to focus on. She is porbably focusing on this new guy too... the best is to move on, because relationships that start of infedelity never last because the other person will always know what you are capable of. Even if she come back and you marry her, she will still feel insecure because she knows first hand what you were doing to your own wife while you were married. & and a marriage with out trust is DEAD. So the best is to move on and start afresh with a new person who does not carry the baggage. I know I may sound harsh but I am just trying to be realistic with you. The choises we make have conseqenses and you just have to deal with them, learn from them and move on. Its not the end of the world. There are other women in the world you can meet and click with.
Today 10:09 PM
tatertot d/star : I am sorry about what has happened to you but it seems like you are just getting Karma. Now you know how your wife whom you cheated on and then dumped for another woman felt. I know you said you fell in love with this Girl but you had made a commitment to your wife to love her and there is no way you could have put a 100% towards your marriage if you were busy screwing another woman. Life has a way of coming back and biting us. You cannot get away with anything without it coming back to you. The woman who has left you now probably does not trust you enough to love you because she knows that if you could have cheated on you wife you will do the same to her as soon as you find another woman you feel connected to. She has probably been cheating on you with the guy she is seeing now. Marriage is serious and she knows you don't take it seriously and women like a man whom they feel secure with. You need to call your ex wife and apologize to her sincerely for the pain you caused her, for you to released from the Karma and if you know God you need to ask for his forgiveness because you broke a comittment you made to your wife the day you married her. MY advice to you : Move on. If this woman has told you she does not want you she probably has no feelings for you anymore especially if she is seeing someone else. Break ups are not easy and the only way to heal is time. And it helps a lot if you stop all communication with her, even if she calls. I know that is hard but the more you talk to her the more refreshed the pain becomes and you go back to square one. Focus your life on other things and you will meet a new person and hopefully you will be mature enough to learn from your mistakes and truly commit to the next person you meet

tatertot, yeah it has hurt so bad knowing how guilty I feel with it all. I guess its my
turn to hurt now. It just breaks my heart cause this was for nothing. I lost everything now.
I just have nothing left to lose. I am in love with this woman and she could care less. I
just don't know who she is anymore. It is strange since a few months ago we were talking
about getting married to this, we are nothing. How could I have been so wrong? I am so
sad and hurt by it all. I will not contact her for sure no matter how much I love her. She
is the one that left, I will try to keep what little dignity I have left. I am such a sap.
I wish I could get mad. I am just so upset still, don't know how to deal. I know what you
are saying, how can she trust me if I did what I did when I was married. We knew what
we were doing, just thought she loved me as much as I loved her. I never meant to hurt
anyone, but now it seems everyone else is OK, and I am the only one left alone. I can
see that I can move on and find someone else down the road that I can click with. That
is not it, I am still in love with this woman. She has my heart and I am not sure I can
ever feel the way I feel with anyone else. I know that is such a standard thing most
people say, just is the way my heart feels. I just wish I was not as sensitive as I am
then I could just not hurt as bad and really be better. She is not perfect I know that,
nor am I, but I this feeling with her makes me all weak inside, I can't help but love her.
I am just hurt beyond words. GOD I miss her and us.

I know this is a silly question, I just want her to miss me and love me like I thought
she did. She is all I think about day and night. I will keep the NC rule in place no matter
what since she was so cold and cruel. I pray every day she misses me and will change her
mind. I am not going to count on that, just can't believe she would not try if all she
wanted was for me to marry her and prove to her she is the world to me. I am so lost.
This is wishful thinking I know, man I am hurting so bad. I just can't help it. Help me

If you loved her so much and she was your heart, why did you not ask her to marry you. Why did you just "live" with her. I would imagine she was thinking you must not really want her, maybe that was why she was doing the comparing herself with you ex wife.
Maybe she came to the conclusion that if you really loved her, you would have married her, and for her own good she thought she should move on. Maybe she thought she wasted enough years on you.
I'm sorry you're going through all of this but maybe it is for the best.
What is your relationship like with your ex wife?

I just want her to miss me and love me like I thought
she did.
I'm sure the two years you were living with her, she was wishing you'd love her like she thought you did. I think the woman got tired of waiting

Me and my ex wife don't speak. I wanted to focus on my relationship with my GF. I see your point, I am sure she was tired of waiting. It was not all my fault for not asking her sooner. She just wouldn't stop with all the nonsense about my ex wife. I left her, I divorced her, I wanted to be with my GF. I know I should have done things faster, was just so hard to deal with all the emotions I was feeling. I know I know, it kills me and I am so upset over it now. I miss her and she is gone. I messed up and now have no way of fixing it. I am so sad. It is like I keep getting brokeup with over and over. I am still in love with her and lost cause I know she is gone and its mostly my fault. How needy and sad is that? I am such a foolish sap!!

Honestly that was way more than I wanted or have time to read, but I did fine this statement, "I have never cheated on her, however since I cheated on my ex wife WITH her why should she believe me right?" Yup that's right! More and likely the only reason she ever wanted you was because she knew she couldn't have you. Now that she can have you, all the fun and excitement is gone. Hopeful you are getting a taste of how your wife must have felt when you screwed around on her. Sorry to be so harsh but I just don't feel sorry for cheaters.

Today 01:14 AM
Stonewilder Honestly that was way more than I wanted or have time to read, but I did fine this statement, "I have never cheated on her, however since I cheated on my ex wife WITH her why should she believe me right?" Yup that's right! More and likely the only reason she ever wanted you was because she knew she couldn't have you. Now that she can have you, all the fun and excitement is gone. Hopeful you are getting a taste of how your wife must have felt when you screwed around on her. Sorry to be so harsh but I just don't feel sorry for cheaters.

Yeah I know what you are saying, but listen it was wrong. I know that, am sorry I did. Thanks for your opinion, it seems that judgements are allways harsh. That is why I feel so guilty all the time. Guess I should have been better, kind of thought I was but seems I failed. Thanks for reminding me.

You know, I do get the whole thing was a bad situation. I have heard that over and over from most people. I guess since I am looking for some compassion and some uplifting ideas I should also expect to be put down for my actions as well. I am really hurting, know I am not perfect, and realize what I did. Just really wanted to feel better by telling my story. I didn't have to really tell all of it, but wanted to be honest about what has gone on and the time involved. I just wanted some help trying to heal and understand if I could fix this, I know I am a let down to all and myself. Guess being branded a cheater for any reason makes me a bad person. I feel awful. Guess this is how I should feel, I am sorry for being such a crybaby, just hurts so bad. I really wish I could fix it, I miss her so much.

Then what you must do is move on. We all make mistakes, they hurt, but that pain makes us stronger, it forces us to become either better people or bitter people. Don't focus on what you shouda wouda couda done, it's too late for that. The time is now. Get yourself together. Do something you never had time or opportunity to do before.
Wake up in the morning thankful that you made it through another night into another day and determine yourself to do it one more time.
I wish you well.

Today 02:24 AM
Homegirl 50 Then what you must do is move on. We all make mistakes, they hurt, but that pain makes us stronger, it forces us to become either better people or bitter people. Don't focus on what you shouda wouda couda done, it's too late for that. The time is now. Get yourself together. Do something you never had time or opportunity to do before.
Wake up in the morning thankful that you made it through another night into another day and determine yourself to do it one more time.
I wish you well.

Thank you Homegirl 50, I will try just hurts real bad still. I miss her so and love her. I will try though. Hey by the way, cute cat pic. I like kitty cats. I miss mine :(

Look at it this way, you have made it 10 1/2 weeks. You are moving on. You will get through this. No pain, no gain

d/star: hope it comforts you to know that we all go through heart break. And it is the most emotionally painful thing to ever go through. Believe me I know I have been there. I know it is as bad as losing a loved one to death if not worse. My Fiancé cheated on me and then left me and it was the most horrible feeling in the world. I did not want to live anymore because he was the world to me and I felt so betrayed and violated. I had so much anger and bitterness torward him and I could not believe a human being could be so decietfull and cold. It took me about 6 months get over it and what helped me was I never called him and I never answered his phone calls. I changed my phone # and moved from where I lived. I just shut him out as if he did not exist anymore. That is what helpe me to move on because I knew if I had anwered his calls I would never be able to move past it. It was difficult because I wanted to talk to him. But the fact that I did not call him killed him more because I suppose he thought I was going to be calling & begging him to come back. He started sending me letters telling me how he wanted to get back to him and I never responded. A year later I met my now husband who is a great man, he loves me and cares about me. So I finally saw my ex 2 years later and I was with my husband and the look on his face just gave me so much saticfaction. You could tell he felt such a loss. The girl who he had been cheating on with me married someone else and he was now lonely. I know this story is similar to yours in some way but what I am trying to show you is that God can bring someone else to you who will bring back the joy in your life. I know it seems like you will never feel for anyone else, that is what I thought too, but that changed when I met my husband. So go through the pain knowing there are better days ahead for you. It may not seen like it but I asure you there is a bright light at the end of this tunnel!

Ok everyone, you all are going to say yeah I told you so.She called me this morning 6 times before I finally answered. This has been the usual crap. She says she loves me but is still confused and doesn't know what to do. This game is so awful. I know I shouldn't have answered the phone, what is wrong with me? I didn't beg I just said you need to make up your mind and I am not waiting. She is still obsessing about my ex wife. Plus how its all about my time table and why I didn't ask her to marry me before. This is so retarted! I am such a moron for being this caught up in it all. Please you all help!! I need to know how to shut this down. I am not crying, honest I am just so angry now. All she is doing is just playing games with me. What can I do everyone? I need to remove myself. Man I shouldn't have answered. I am such a moron. GOD all that work and time gone down the drain. Now I have to start all over again. Please you all help me!!

Well you kind of got what you asked for, and I told you she left because she thought you didn't care enough to marry her after all of that time. You two are not teenagers. You ended a marriage because of this woman, and I think it would not be a bad idea if you two did not sit down and try to figure out what happened here.
You two can either resolve the issue or be done.
Personally I don't get why you didn't marry her and I don't get why you can't understand why she left. If you are so in love and devistated by this, I'm not getting why you won't talk to her, unless there is more to the story than you told us.

You don't have to start all over again... just keep on going from where you are at. Are you trying to accept that this woman is not right for you even though you thought at one time she was? Could this be the reason for all the turmoil? You are a step closer to finding the truth.

Today 09:49 PM
Homegirl 50 Well you kind of got what you asked for, and I told you she left because she thought you didn't care enough to marry her after all of that time. You two are not teenagers. You ended a marriage because of this woman, and I think it would not be a bad idea if you two did not sit down and try to figure out what happened here.
You two can either resolve the issue or be done.
Personally I don't get why you didn't marry her and I don't get why you can't understand why she left. If you are so in love and devistated by this, I'm not getting why you won't talk to her, unless there is more to the story than you told us


Homegirl 50, I wish it was that simple to sit down. She is still giving me the I am confused speech. Doesn't know what she wants. She said she loves me and misses me but doesn't want to go back to the way the relationship was and also said she has been feeling better about not being so sad about me not asking her to marry me, having that stress gone and not having to be SO obsessed about my ex wife. But she also says she misses me and loves me.

I know what you mean pesonally, I made a mistake not marrying her. I do understand why she left cause of that I am wanting to know how to fix it now? I want to talk to her, but she keeps bringing up the fact that I didn't marry her and why couldn't I have done it before now? Please help me I really can't take her games. What am I supposed to do? I can't fight for her if she won't let me? I can't show her how much I want to marry her if she keeps telling me she doesn't know what she wants? I know its a lot to ask, please help me to know what to do? I would humbly appreciate any advice.


Today 10:12 PM
MayfairLady you don't have to start all over again... just keep on going from where you are at. Are you trying to accept that this woman is not right for you even though you thought at one time she was? Could this be the reason for all the turmoil? You are a step closer to finding the truth.


Mayfairlady, I am so confused with what to do? I am not sure what to accept? On one hand I can't keep playing games. Its too hard, on the other hand I am not sure if she just wants me to prove to her I love her by marrying her? I am so nervous and a little mad and scared. How can she be seeing someone else and tell me she loves me and wants to be with me but can't make a decision? Help me please!! I am not thinking clearly. I have not called her back, she called to tell me some BS that her phone died? I didn't answer. My last text to her was "Fine ignore me, I am done playing games with you, I deserve better, gbye" I said ignore me cause she was not replying to my texts. I was going off when she hung up on me. So that was it. I lost my cool and I feel like a total moron. Man I need to control myself. Help me please you all help help!!

Please Tal, chuff, someone please help help!! This is nuts, I am going crazy!!

OK OK don't freak out. Look! Isn't it what you get all the time? Why should you freak out of something happened routinely? Take it easy man.

One thing can help you:: STOP BEING IN THE POSITION OF A PASSIVE PERSON. If you always act in a "well, its all u did, what can i do?" then damn it, it would last and hurt you FOREVER.
Be a initiative! Call and tell her "NEXT TIME IF YOU CALL ME, YOU'D BETTER STATE OUT YOUR MIND CLEARLY or NEVER FEEL THE GUTS TO CALL AT ALL, OR ELSE I'LL BE REALLY MEAN BECAUSE I DONT *UCKING PLAY THIS GAME. YOU EITHER STEP IN COMPLETELY OR GET THE HELL OF MY LIFE FOREVER, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? YES, GOOD!!!"

Tell her what you just told me. Tell her you're sorry that you waited so long to ask her and then ask her what she wants from you. If she is still confused, then tell her (that is if you want to do this) you'll start from day one. You two can date. No sex, just dating getting to know each other again. Try it for say a month and see if you two have anything left to build on.

ok ok dont freak out. Look! Isnt it what you get all the time? Why should you freak out of something happened routinely? Take it easy man.

One thing can help you:: STOP BEING IN THE POSITION OF A PASSIVE PERSON. If you always act in a "well, its all u did, what can i do?" then damn it, it would last and hurt you FOREVER.
Be a initiative! Call and tell her "NEXT TIME IF YOU CALL ME, YOU'D BETTER STATE OUT YOUR MIND CLEARLY or NEVER FEEL THE GUTS TO CALL AT ALL, OR ELSE I'LL BE REALLY MEAN BECAUSE I DONT *UCKING PLAY THIS GAME. YOU EITHER STEP IN COMPLETELY OR GET THE HELL OF MY LIFE FOREVER, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? YES, GOOD!!!"


I wonder if I should do the same :confused:

Different situ but not out of the question. HMMmm. I like your angry statement too, I think if I were to be mean I would use what you said. Are you routinely yelling at people?

For once in your life, just listen. This is about you getting your own act together and not about a relationship. My friend if you cannot stand on your own two feet, and be who you are, what's the freakin' point? I highly suggest that you define who you are, and not let others tell you who you should be. Leave the others alone and build your life on what makes you happy, and let everyone else do their own thing. Yeah! I know how hard that is, but do it any way, and define yourself, the way you want! Its about you, and not the rest of the world!

I wonder if I should do the same :confused:

Different situ but not out of the question. HMMmm. I like your angry statement too, I think if I were to be mean I would use what you said. Are you routinely yelling at people?

No, I rarely am angry at people and only yelled at people once or twice in my life as far as I'm concerned. But if I were you, I would yell because this woman has not been nice to you for quite a long time. Her last text message to you was wayyyyyy meaner than my angry statement.

If you are always afraid of what people think that leads to being unable to express what you feel or think ---> you die inside.

I think she was keeping you on the side just in case it never worked out with the new guy. Sorry to hear your problem man, not fun letting the minds imagination get away from you. Get out have fun and time will heal this. Good luck

D/star I think I am detecting some pride in you. I know this woman has been mean but if your feeling are that strong then you need to stop your pride and tell her how much you want to marry her and how sorry you are for not doing it sooner. At least you would have let her know how you are feeling what she chooses to do after that, is up to her. Tell her how you feel and give her an opportunity to either come back and make things right or to stop calling and bothering you so you can move on. I don't understand why she keeps stressing you out about your xwife when you divorced her. Doesn't she get it. Anyway, swallow your pride, tell her you love her and want marry her, exactly how you feel. If she decides to come back great then you will get married, if on the other hand she keeps saying she is confused. Just tell her to stop calling you until she know definitively what she wants. At least after that you will have the satisfaction of knowing that she knows how you feel and you can move on knowing that you did your part.

Ok everyone, you all are going to say yeah I told you so.She called me this morning 6 times before I finally answered. This has been the usual crap. She says she loves me but is still confused and doesnt know what to do. This game is so awful. I know I shouldnt have answered the phone, what is wrong with me? I didnt beg I just said you need to make up your mind and I am not waiting. She is still obsessing about my ex wife. Plus how its all about my time table and why I didnt ask her to marry me before. This is so retarted! I am such a moron for being this caught up in it all. Please you all help!!!! I need to know how to shut this down. I am not crying, honest I am just so angry now. All she is doing is just playing games with me. What can I do everyone? I need to remove myself. Man I shouldnt have answered. I am such a moron. GOD all that work and time gone down the drain. Now I have to start all over again. Please you all help me!!!!!!


How old is this woman?

I agree, but I don't think she is being mean, I think she is hurt. As I stated in an earlier post, you two are adults, there is no reason you can't sit down and have an honest heart to heart and figure this thing out. You two either have enough love for each other to make it, or it's too late, but at least you both will know where you stand with each other.

Thank you all for your replys. I am so messed up and confused. This is so not fair to me, what a crock of SH%T. I deserve better than this. I really don't want this to be over, but I can't take this game crap anymore. It has been over 5 years and it seems like it means zero. So screw it, I can't fix it if I don't have help from her side. I will just let her go.

Did you have the talk with her? What is it you expect from her? This mess is both of your making. You are not the only one in pain. So is she. She is not playing a game she is hurting as well.
This is not un fair, it's life. It is the consequence of both your actions.

Homegirl 50 and tatertot, I did what you all mentioned already. I am so upset. I just can't take all this crap anymore. All she keeps saying is that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. She says she misses me and loves me but doesn't want to go back to the way things were,I told her I don't either. I want to marry you and for us to be happy. She still is being difficult. I feel like I am just being played games with. She is still seeing someone else and gets off the phone when he comes around. What a sham. He knows all about me and I have no idea who it is. She keeps a few things of my at her house and won't throw them away. I told her I don't want anything I got all that was mine. This is complete crap. I deserve better. I know it sounds like I am not swallowing my pride, but its not like that anymore. She is just breaking my heart every time she won't try. I feel like I am the only one wanting to fix the relationship. I know it is both of us that made the mess. I am the one who wants to fix it though, she seems just be playing with me. I used to believe she was hurting, but her actions show something different. What I expect from her is to give a little and make an effort. She just wants to contact me when she is feeling sad, just so she can here me say I love you and want to fix this. This has gone on long enough. She keeps doing this every month or so, or when she hears I have been out on a date or talked to my ex wife. What a sham. She doesn't care about me or love me. Just wants to string me along. I am so ignorant for believing in this. I am so upset with myself. All I wanted to do was to be happy and make her happy. Seems I have failed horribly and am getting what I deserve. Can anyone tell me how to cope with this anymore? She is playing me, you can't love someone while you are seeing someone else and not even seeing, talking, being with the person you are saying you love and miss and care about. Please how can I either prove to her she is what I want and love, or how can I be apathetic and move on? I am so confused, why won't she just go and stop toying with me? I am not the one who contacts her at all, she does me and then tells me the same thing over and over. I can't take the games. Help me please. I want to make it work, but if she doesn't even show anything like she wants that to then I want to move on. I can't keep hoping she will want us. Help me you all, I need some kind of action to really make this final one way or the other. PLEASE HELP ME!

I was doing so good, now I am just back to hurting again. I just love her and care for her. But I love her enough to let her go, since that is what she said she wanted. Why can't she let me go, or try to fix what we messed up? This kills me and its hard to think without my heart pushing my mind to remember all about her and all the images surface and I can't take it. Sorry you all for acting desperate, just am missing her and feel helpless to do anything about it. As soon as I just tell myself to let go, something else happens. I just have too much emotion for her and can't suppress it. Help me guys, sorry!

Homegirl 50 and tatertot, I did what you all mentioned already. I am so upset. I just can't take all this crap anymore. All she keeps saying is that she is confused and doesnt know what she wants. She says she misses me and loves me but doesnt want to go back to the way things were,I told her I dont either. I want to marry you and for us to be happy. She still is being difficult. I feel like I am just being played games with. She is still seeing someone else and gets off the phone when he comes around. What a sham. He knows all about me and I have no idea who it is. She keeps a few things of my at her house and wont throw them away. I told her I dont want anything I got all that was mine. This is complete crap. I deserve better. I know it sounds like I am not swallowing my pride, but its not like that anymore. She is just breaking my heart everytime she wont try. I feel like I am the only one wanting to fix the relationship. I know it is both of us that made the mess. I am the one who wants to fix it though, she seems just be playing with me. I used to believe she was hurting, but her actions show something different. What I expect from her is to give a little and make an effort. She just wants to contact me when she is feeling sad, just so she can here me say I love you and want to fix this. This has gone on long enough. She keeps doing this every month or so, or when she hears I have been out on a date or talked to my ex wife. What a sham. She doesnt care about me or love me. Just wants to string me along. I am so ignorant for believing in this. I am so upset with myself. All I wanted to do was to be happy and make her happy. Seems I have failed horribly and am getting what I deserve. Can anyone tell me how to cope with this anymore? She is playing me, you can't love someone while you are seeing someone else and not even seeing, talking, being with the person you are saying you love and miss and care about. Please how can I either prove to her she is what I want and love, or how can I be apathetic and move on? I am so confused, why wont she just go and stop toying with me? I am not the one who contacts her at all, she does me and then tells me the same thing over and over. I can't take the games. Help me please. I want to make it work, but if she doesnt even show anything like she wants that to then I want to move on. I can't keep hoping she will want us. Help me you all, I need some kind of action to really make this final one way or the other. PLEASE HELP ME!!
D/star, if you told her you loved her and want to marry her and she is still playing games and living with another man, then I am sorry to say but if she really loved and cared about you no matter what may have transpired, she would not be screwing someother guy and playing around with your emotions. You are very right she is using you to get comfort. She probably doesn't want you but for her ego she still wants to know that you are still moping around over her. That is why she only calls you when she has heard you are dating someone else. She just wants to keep a hold over you. She has moved on to someone else but she does not want you to move on it seems and she knows what calling you does to you. So if you really want to take a big step of action toward moving on you should just change your telephone #. It works. Then the next time she call she will hear " this number is no longer in service" and then it will finally dawn her that it is really over and you are not up for games. If she really loves you and was meant for you this action will be a wake up call to her and she may show up to your house in efforts to mend things. On the other hand if she does not love/ care about you she will not take any action and from there you have room to move on without her calling you and messing with your head. It's a win win situation.

Tatertot, yeah that sounds like it exactly. Although I would love to change my #. I don't have a home phone, all I have is a cell # and well I can't change it cause it is a company phone. I am on call 24/7 and it is paid for by the company. It would be such a hassle to get a new number. I may have to do that, but I would have to make all sorts of changes at work to get that right. I would have done that already if it was my cell. I agree with your opinion %100! I think it is such crap. She is so using me to feel better. I am not going to let this continue. I cannot play any more games with my already shattered heart. This is just horrible I am being done this way. Is there any other way to wake her up? Thanks for the help.

Then what you need to do is tell her not to call you any more. As long as she is with someone else, she not wanting to be with you. Tell her to just move on and leave you alone.
So you do still have some contact with your ex wife and you do date?

Homegirl 50, I have been out dating yes. It is hard cause I am so heartbroken, but it has been a nice way to spend time without thinking about my breakup. I called my exwife just to cause I was so angry the day my girlfriend texted me bye. It was just to go off and tell her thank you for playing a part in making this all come about. She is not the one who caused it I know, but just wanted her to know what she did by playing the victum real well and having everyone turn against me effected my bringing my GF around cause I had nobody and now everyone can get a big laugh at my expense. However I cooled off and we just cleared the air and got some closure over things. It is hard to date, I am so in love with my ex and can't see anyone else that way. Even after she has done all this. Man how pathetic am I? I just want to feel better. I will once again keep NC in place. This is the best I can do. I deserve better.

Well don't say you deserve better, your wife desreved better, after leaving your wife, your girl friend desreved better than to be strung along for two years. You are reaping what you have sown.
That being said, I hope you get over this woman and move on. Don't have anymore contact with her. And don't take relationships for granted. Feelings are involved.
You are not pathetic just hurting, it will pass.

Hey Homegirl 50, you are right my exwife did deserve better I do agree. And yes my GF deserved better for the time that was dragged out I agree, I know I am reaping what I have sown, it was just so hard on everyone when it was going on, why do it all over again on the flipside? We all now how hurt it made everyone, it was very hard on me durning that to I am not just this guy who intentionally went out to have an affair. I am not like that, but yes it happened and it has made me feel awful about my morals. Just can't explain my feelings with it. Anyway, I will keep NC in place. I appreciate your words. I know its hard when someone does pull this, but I feel like I do not deserve this all over again. I can't take the whole "you did it so now you have to wait" thing, I did all this so I would not have to hurt again and be with the one my heart told me to. Oh well, I am trying to not take things for granted, I just hate how she is hurting me but love her. I shouldn't love her, cause why should I love someone who wants to hurt me?

I don't know that that she wants to hurt you, or maybe she does, I don't know. But you know the situation is not a good one, so just go on with your life. Don't contact her and soon she will stop contacting you. You will get through this, it won't be painless, but you will get through this.
I really do wish you well.

Tatertot, yeah that sounds like it exactly. Although I would love to change my #. I dont have a home phone, all I have is a cell # and well I can't change it cause it is a company phone. I am on call 24/7 and it is paid for by the company. It would be such a hassle to get a new number. I may have to do that, but I would have to make all sorts of changes at work to get that right. I would have done that already if it was my cell. I agree with your opinion %100! I think it is such crap. She is so using me to feel better. I am not going to let this continue. I cannot play any more games with my already shattered heart. This is just horrible I am being done this way. Is there any other way to wake her up? Thanks for the help.

Maybe you can Block her #. If you call your cell phone company they maybe able to block it for you. If she can't get a hold of you that will wake her up big time. Coz right now she has the comfort of knowing she can just pick up the phone and call you as and when she feels like it.

3 full days again of NC. I wish I would have not answered the phone now. I would have been well over the month hump. 7 calls within 30 minutes. I really thought she was going to be serious. Now I am just a fool for hoping. I need strength real bad :(

I just threw some at you in the form of a prayer. You will get through this day as you got through yesterday. Hang in there.