Hello everyone,

Sorry its long but please help. you need to understand the whole story.

I really need some good advice here. So me and my girl / ex had been together for 2 years. We of course had our problems and had short breaks a couple times but we always came right back. Something about her and I are nothing like any of our other past relationships.

So I build a house for us and right before we move in I shatter my thumb. Doctors loaded me with pain pills to last me 4 months but I have a tolerance so I went through them in 1. Naturally it made me real moody so we fought more on my account. One morning after a house warming we had the night before my hand was killing me so I took a couple and slammed a couple beers. Ive never done this and it made me trip hard. We ended up fighting and I kicked her out and had her mom drive up and move her out. I didn't remember all this. It was flashes until the next day when I realized I made a mistake.

I right away begged to her and her mom in person. For a good week she was crushed as well but led me to think there was a possibility if I showed the effort so I did and some and then she says she can't cause that hurt her and her family to bad. I understood but then after a solid week of thinking I decided that I should have proposed to her long ago cause we were already living and acting like we were married. So I did it a week later. She said yes but had to talk to her mom. Now her mom has always helped and been supportive of us but as soon as she heard I proposed he mom dispised me.. I know her mom had something happen like that to her and it ended up worse but who says that I would do that to her daughter you know... I got a great paying job, new home, dream car, I can take care of her.

I won't step on her moms toes so we decided to start over slow and show the people who count that we are the perfect couple... well for a week and a half we fell head over heels madly in love even more than before but here's the twist. Every few nights she would call telling me her mom is screamin at her about me and her mom is all she has out here. Well this last Friday she called me at work telling me that she is too hurt and is afraid of me and doesn't want to but has to call it off. I was upset cause I put my heart out there to try again after rejection and then I get rejected again. I know her moms influence played a big role in this. WHat do I do now? I won't contact her cause I'm just giving her her space plus I already tried hard, shouldn't I wait to see if she will do anything now?

Well I think her mother has every right to have her own opinions on the situation but I think its not right for her to dictate what her daughter can do if she's at the age of consent and can make her own decisions.

I don't really know what you can do in this situation but have a talk with her AND her mum, if that's possible? Work out what the actual problem is.

If her mum cannot accept you then imo that's tough cheddar. Love shouldn't stop because someone ELSE says so.

Talking to her or her mum is a no no. She told me her mom is going through personal stuff right now so that would be a bad idea. Like I said, I did that already from the start and the all forgave me but it took a twist. If I contact her again now it will make me look like I'm begging again when I already put in the effort and things were great. Yes its inexscusable for other influences to fall in and make her decision for her. I know her deep down she didn't want this but people kept feeding her crap to where she gave in to it... My plan right now is to let the dust settle and see if she contacts me.. and in the mean time focus on what I got to do. My close friends say she will if I give it time and she will see she made a bad call since things were awesome. Does this work??

She is too worried about what her mother thinks. There is nothing much you can do since her mother has such a big influence over her. You are going to have to let it go and not contact her at least by phone or email. If there is another place like her work or best friend that you could send her something you could try sending her a single rose and a card telling her how much she means to you and maybe a most memorable time you had with her and how special it was to you.
Don't say anything about future or getting back together or anything like that. Then-If and when she is ready to talk to you she will. Then you can tell her again how much she means to you and it would mean the world to you if she would give you another chance.
She needs to realize on her own that mother isn't going to hold her hand the rest of her life.

That sounds good but I already tried all that and succeeded but her mom and possibly other outside influences made her too scared cause all she kept saying is she is scared. If I send her a rose again now and a memory card she will feel I'm not respecting the break. I put myself out there already. That's why as much as I want her back it needs to be her coming back cause I tried sooooo hard for a month. Its her turn to realize she might lose me. The way she works is at first she's devastated then she covers it up by boozing it then she continues regret and being devastated longer. This I know cause we had broken up for 9 months and she made contact to get together again. As for me, Ill be in hard pain for a month to 2 months but after that I put it behind me and its gone.. So if anything as much as I miss her and want her back, I'm respecting her space, letting the dust settle with her and her mom and just seeing the out come.

Yeah that is all you can do now is stay out of her life and hope her missing you becomes more important than others opinions and control.

UPDATE:

well it sounded like I had it pretty figured out right? Well I went to my grandmas funeral yesterday and it was rough. Everyone had their partners there so I missed her. When I got back in town I was going to leave her a message on myspace. To my surprise she erased me and put her profile to private and had some new random picture of herself at someone's house with the mood: Drunk. So I text her saying I see she is trying to move on fast. She replied accusing me of moving on from all these comments on my page. Now let me explain. These new comments are from friends I talk to on and of when her and I were together. They didn't comment out of respect for her. She got all hurt and did those imature moves on myspace. Screw myspace! Anyway so we go back and forth a bit in text explaing how those people are friends

and finally she tells me " sorry for your loss but i think we should stop talking, you didnt treat me good and i deserve it, i hope you meet a wonderful woman and have beautiful babies and are happy but let me be happy. Goodbye."

Now this isn't the first time I've heard her say something like this and contact me later but I'm sure she means this right now cause she is hurt but I have come to the conclusing that she is cold. When I needed her the most with my close grandmas passing she wasn't there. If her grandma passed I would have been at her house in a flash but all she does is push me out. Mark my word when the dust settles she will come around and I won't be there!! What you think?? What you think the outcome may be.

So many red flags here where do I start.
1-Kicking her out in the fist place, no excuse. Irresponsible by abusing alcohol and pain killers, and scary for any one going through it.
2-Mom has too much control.
3-She is scared, by your actions, and lets everyone, but you, influence her, not the basis for a healthy relationship.
4-No meaningful, honest communications to resolve these issues.
5-Confusion by not having those communications.
ADVICE:
Disappear from her life and move on with yours.
REASON:
She is not ready for an adult relationship, and is to easily influenced by others, and there is no telling when she will get there. She has no life skills to deal with her own situation, let alone yours. You can't afford to wait as you must live your own life. Sorry for your loss, but the emotions are to intense, and fresh right now to resolve anything.

I completely agree man. When I needed her she wasn't there. Yes what I didn't in the first place wasn't right but I really showed effort to make up for that. Hard!! She led me on afew times into thinking there was a chance but kept gettign shut down. The messed up part is that within the time we've been together we split a couple times and each time she makes me beg and work for it back. When I called things off with her all she had to do was show true sincerity and I gave in. I never made her beg... I really am better off with out her it seems. She wanted marriage more than I but I'm 26 and she is 21. Reality..