aaii
Oct 10, 2007, 09:31 AM
Hey guys
I'd just like to say hello to you all and thanks for taking the time to read this post -- I know its pretty long but I would seriously appreciate it if you could spare the time.
I've come here to try and get some advice on a relationship I am in that is extremely important to me that I want to try and make stronger, hopefully with your help.
Let me just give you a little background.
I have known my girlfriend for over 5 years and we have always been there to help each other through bad times. We had only known each other through internet conversations and finally decided to meet up about 4 months ago and since then been going out. We broke up for about 2 months and recently got back together because she said she misses me so much.
It's a kind of long-distance relationship since she lives about an hr from me (not good on the petrol lol) and its usually hard to find time to spend together since she works full time.
The first few times we met were absolutely amazing. Best days of my life. Since around the 3rd day we saw each other she had been bottling things up I did to annoy her. And can I just say I really do think they are "little" things but I've taken them very seriously since she is extremely sensitive so I wouldn't put anything past her. She seems to bottle a lot of things up because she is scared I will get mad if she tells me. But I assure her I won't, yet she still doesn't believe me.
Our sex life is pretty much non-existent. Only once has she been really turned on (within first week of meeting) and I don't want to go into much detail but she was ontop and I ripped off her clothes and she started grinding into me (clothes on!).
Since then nothing like that has happened, and I don't think I am doing anything differently. I try to stimulate her by running my hands all over her body, teasing her, just like I did that time, but it doesn't seem to work anymore... its like she's not interested in doing anything in the bedroom but hug and hold each other for hours, which I do absolutely love, but there are other things I want to do in the bedroom too!
Rarely does she try and pleasure me. Like last time we met she just rubbed all around my crotch through my jeans and I got in abit of a mood 'cause she left me in an annoyingly-frustratedly-hornily-argh state as she didn't want the mess. I did keep telling her it felt so good and her reply was to give a shy laugh and say "good."
Whenever I try and pleasure her she usually just lies there, saying nothing, so I ask if it feels good and she normally says she has a headache or stomach ache or something, so I just stop and normally get in abit of a mood with her.
Like take for example the other day we were just laying on her bed (like usual) and she said she was bored and asked what we could do, and I swear to god she looked me as though as if to say "wink wink nudge nudge, lets do it" -- or maybe I just have sex on the brain constantly when I'm with her? In the end she said lets play dress up and wanted to dress me in her clothes and put makeup on me, which I have to say I was tempted to do because I happen to have abit of a crossdressing fetish, but was too shy to go through with it. We just ended up laying on her bed playing squares and hangman. I got in a mood.
We also have other little problems which she makes me feel like I cause all the time. Like I get in abit of a mood with her when I know I have to leave (I know its not fair, but all I can think about is how much I'm going to miss her all week before I can "possibly" get to see her again), not sending text messages when expecting one, prioritizing friends above the relationship and not being able to see each other, etc.
I really feel like because of the silly arguments and the things I do/say to annoy her that she bottles up makes her feel like it's just not going to work out between us, so she holds back, becomes reserved and cold towards me. But whenever I try and talk to her about problems she gets all defensive and mad, or denied there is a problem, even if I talk in a subtle non-accusive way about how *I* feel as appose to telling her *you make me feel like ~this~*.
Could this be why our sex life pretty much doesn't exist? Am I just useless in the bedroom? I haven't had much experience but I know she has, but it feels like she hasn't because doesn't "use" it.
I realise the main problem in our relationship is the total lack of communication, and the best way to solve this is to talk! But how can I when she bottles things up, denies there is a problem, and just gets mad and annoyed for ever bringing it up?
I understand she has every right to see friends, and I am glad she is, but do you not think our relationship should be prioritized above them, or at least share the time equally?
Do you think it's a bad sign that she doesn't seem to want to do the things she use to do when we were first going out, like spending a night in my car, or even a night together, or want to be sexually active in the bedroom except for playing squares?
Thanks guys I appreciate any advice you can give :)
Take care
I'd just like to say hello to you all and thanks for taking the time to read this post -- I know its pretty long but I would seriously appreciate it if you could spare the time.
I've come here to try and get some advice on a relationship I am in that is extremely important to me that I want to try and make stronger, hopefully with your help.
Let me just give you a little background.
I have known my girlfriend for over 5 years and we have always been there to help each other through bad times. We had only known each other through internet conversations and finally decided to meet up about 4 months ago and since then been going out. We broke up for about 2 months and recently got back together because she said she misses me so much.
It's a kind of long-distance relationship since she lives about an hr from me (not good on the petrol lol) and its usually hard to find time to spend together since she works full time.
The first few times we met were absolutely amazing. Best days of my life. Since around the 3rd day we saw each other she had been bottling things up I did to annoy her. And can I just say I really do think they are "little" things but I've taken them very seriously since she is extremely sensitive so I wouldn't put anything past her. She seems to bottle a lot of things up because she is scared I will get mad if she tells me. But I assure her I won't, yet she still doesn't believe me.
Our sex life is pretty much non-existent. Only once has she been really turned on (within first week of meeting) and I don't want to go into much detail but she was ontop and I ripped off her clothes and she started grinding into me (clothes on!).
Since then nothing like that has happened, and I don't think I am doing anything differently. I try to stimulate her by running my hands all over her body, teasing her, just like I did that time, but it doesn't seem to work anymore... its like she's not interested in doing anything in the bedroom but hug and hold each other for hours, which I do absolutely love, but there are other things I want to do in the bedroom too!
Rarely does she try and pleasure me. Like last time we met she just rubbed all around my crotch through my jeans and I got in abit of a mood 'cause she left me in an annoyingly-frustratedly-hornily-argh state as she didn't want the mess. I did keep telling her it felt so good and her reply was to give a shy laugh and say "good."
Whenever I try and pleasure her she usually just lies there, saying nothing, so I ask if it feels good and she normally says she has a headache or stomach ache or something, so I just stop and normally get in abit of a mood with her.
Like take for example the other day we were just laying on her bed (like usual) and she said she was bored and asked what we could do, and I swear to god she looked me as though as if to say "wink wink nudge nudge, lets do it" -- or maybe I just have sex on the brain constantly when I'm with her? In the end she said lets play dress up and wanted to dress me in her clothes and put makeup on me, which I have to say I was tempted to do because I happen to have abit of a crossdressing fetish, but was too shy to go through with it. We just ended up laying on her bed playing squares and hangman. I got in a mood.
We also have other little problems which she makes me feel like I cause all the time. Like I get in abit of a mood with her when I know I have to leave (I know its not fair, but all I can think about is how much I'm going to miss her all week before I can "possibly" get to see her again), not sending text messages when expecting one, prioritizing friends above the relationship and not being able to see each other, etc.
I really feel like because of the silly arguments and the things I do/say to annoy her that she bottles up makes her feel like it's just not going to work out between us, so she holds back, becomes reserved and cold towards me. But whenever I try and talk to her about problems she gets all defensive and mad, or denied there is a problem, even if I talk in a subtle non-accusive way about how *I* feel as appose to telling her *you make me feel like ~this~*.
Could this be why our sex life pretty much doesn't exist? Am I just useless in the bedroom? I haven't had much experience but I know she has, but it feels like she hasn't because doesn't "use" it.
I realise the main problem in our relationship is the total lack of communication, and the best way to solve this is to talk! But how can I when she bottles things up, denies there is a problem, and just gets mad and annoyed for ever bringing it up?
I understand she has every right to see friends, and I am glad she is, but do you not think our relationship should be prioritized above them, or at least share the time equally?
Do you think it's a bad sign that she doesn't seem to want to do the things she use to do when we were first going out, like spending a night in my car, or even a night together, or want to be sexually active in the bedroom except for playing squares?
Thanks guys I appreciate any advice you can give :)
Take care