Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 14months now, We had a lot of diffculitys in the first half because of his children's mother. It was a long haul but I stuck though it, and still am because I love the man. She is taking him back to court because she is trying to get it so that I am not allowed around the children. I love him children and they are very fond of me and my 7 year old son. That part I am not worried about. The thing that I have concern about it, about 2 weeks ago me and my boyfriend talked about moving in together. At first he was real nervous about the idea, and then he told me that he really wanted to do it. Its been 2 weeks and haven't we haven't talked about it sense then. I know we can not do anything until after all this court stuff is settled. But here's my question. He talked about moving in together but yet has still not told me that he loves me. I know that in the past he was extremely confused about his feeling between me and his X. She would use the children to get him away from me. And it worked for a little while, but now he has realized what she was doing, and he tells me all the time how much I mean to him and how much he wants to be with me. After 14months, we have never fought or anything. I guess I don't know if I should wait until he is ready to say it to me or I should bring it up. I know how I feel about him. I mean he was with this girl for so long, and Me and him is such a change for him, but I think it's a good change and I know that if he lets me we can make each other so happy entirely you know? I have so many plans for all of us. I just wish he would let them happen. I know he is just scared. But it is really killing me not knowing how he actaully feels about me. I know I mean a lot to him, and when I look into his eyes I can see forever. And I have a feeling that he loves me but he has never actually said it. Now she will not even let the children talk to him during the week and it is killing him, I feel so bad because his children mean the world to him. And he has been so down latly I wish there was something I could do to help, but he has this pride thing about him, and wount let me help him out. Its almost like he shuts me out in a way. Im just so worried that he is going to let her win and I'm going to get pushed out again. Please if someone could give me some advice I would be so grateful!

Sounds like the two of you need to sit down and have a serious "heart to heart" conversation. Lay out all of your concerns and see where it takes you, the two of you have children involved and need to base your decisions on that. There is tension when the two of you are around each other and believe it or not the kids can pick up on that instantly. Talk to him... :)

There is actaully no tension because we get along like we have been bestfriends forever. We don't very much talk about us. I know we have to, I just do not know how to approach the situation. I don't want to push him away. I want to bring him closer...

Honest communications, and a caution. You may be pushing for something he may not be ready for, as he still is dealing with past issues. Back off from long range plans you have, until you can get to the point of planing TOGETHER. Give him space to deal with his issues, with out pressure from you, about what you can have together, as now is not the time for pushing your own agenda, until he resolves his past. Be realistic in your expectations, as 14 months is not a long time together, and you have a ways to go, Talk and listen, and above all pay attention.

Unfortunately you may have to talk, it's the only way to "clear the air". Try and sit down one night after dinner and the kids are fast asleep and say something like "darling can we talk about a few things that are on my mind?". See how he reacts, if he loves you it won't push him away. I'm sure he has some concerns that he would like to talk about too. It will be fine, the two of you just need to communicate more about your relationship is all :)

He came over last night, we had such a great time, as always. We laugh, and have fun, there's never a dull moment. I didn't talk to him about anything, times I guess is everything, plus I'm really just too much of a chicken to bring anything up. I just don't want to bring it up, because I guess I'm just scard of his reaction.

Hi I'm a 24 year old female from Alabama and I must admit men are strange but its only because they see things different from us, a man will always have some type of feelings for there children mothers, that's why as a woman you just have to do what you do and things will fall into place he knows that you care so don't try to do things out the way sometimes doing too much can push a man away so what you need to do is live for yourself let your boyfriend make the decision on his on and I promise you the outcome will be good also pray everyday and night!! For the I love you part just come out the blue and say it like when you get finish having sex but say in a way where he don't have to say it back such as (man I love you so much!) that way its not really woman for him to say it back and if he don't that's fine just go by his actions when you say it a mans action can tell you a lot well I hope that helped you out a little bit

So he came over again last night, we talked a little bit. About things. I really didn't get a chance to talk to him about the things that have been bothering me though. I brought up about the situation with the X. When I told him about my problem with it, all I wanted to hear was I don't want to be with her I want to be with you, but it was like he didn't know what to say, besides regardless I'm going to have to deal with her forever because of the kids. Which I understand that, but I need to know how you feel about me. He didn't say anything. I don't know. We talked about the whole moving in together again. Hes scared and I understand that. He says he's afraid of what his children are going to think and I can respect that as well. I have a 7 1/2 year old son at home and he is afraid his kids are going to think that he is starting a new family with out them, because I have my son all the time and he only has his children on Saturdays and Sundays, I wish he could have them all the time. I don't know what to do, think or feel. I love this man so much, and I know he is confused, and scared because all he knew was this 9 year relationship that ended extremely bad. And he dwells on the What if this happens or what if that happens. Hes not very optimistic at all. And I am, because I know we can make each other so happy... PLEASE HELP

Can't you see he is very concerned about what has happened in the past, and is very worried about it happening again? He has a lot of baggage to deal with, and if your not willing to be VERY patient, and talk and listen, forget it, and move on! Sorry not meaning to be harsh, but you must recognise the difference between being in love, and being loved.

SLOW DOWN.

This relationship you're in is going to take 1-2 more years to settle down... Just build respect and friendship and don't rush. He is NOT ready for any more yet... Knowing that is half the battle.

Grow into each other, not around each other.

I know that, Its just hard when you have such much feelings for someone. I know he cares deeply for me. And we talked last night about something's. And I think it really helped. He told me that he wants to be with me. We spend almost every night with each other, and waking up in his arms is the best gift he could ever give to me.

This man's concern seems to be for his children, as it should be. You guys have not been together that long and certainly IMO not long enough to be combining families.
I see no reason why you two should move in together. You can have a relationship and get to know each other without involving the kids.
Respect his feelings and concerns. Don't try and pressure him in to anything he's not ready for. Question though: Why are you willing to risk your emotions and the emotions of your child to have someone move into your home and he has not even acknowledged he loves you?

Our kids are great friends. My son is extremely fond of him and his children are extremely fond of me. I know we have a lot of kinks to work out. And we will. Time fixes all...

The reason I asked is what if things don't work out. There is the potential for a lot of drama here. So the children are stuck in the middle and any changes in the relationship will involve them as well.
Unless you guys are engaged, I don't think the children should be involved anyway.

The kids have been involved for a while now, The kids are such good friends. Taking them apart now would cause a bigger problem. And the kids are very fond of me as well.

So what is going to happen if it is ruled that he should not have the kids with him when he visits you?
This is my point. I know there is nothing you can do about it now, but kids should not be involved in the dating process, parent's bf/gr until there is an engagement, otherwise kids are hoping from one person to the next like the parent. And what if the kid really likes the person you've just split up with.
Any way, I hope things work out for you.