I still have strong feelings for my ex who I have not spoken to since the break up 7 months or so ago... I think I'm fine but then I see her friends.. her car, and (which a lot of people drive where I'm from) even her from time to time... I live in the same area where her friends live.

Something could set me off thinking about her but mostly when I keep my mind busy I forget but as soon as my mind is free again from work or other outings. She comes back into my head.

There are so many regrets I have from the relationship and it was hard because I never really got closure on what went on.

The truth of it is she was nice at the beginning and then when she got what she wanted (me) she just turned and starting criticizing me and my every move.. in a way she overwhelmed me with affection and expect me to be with her 24 7 and if I did not do what she wanted she would make me suffer by causing a fight or being moody so my mood would change. Little snide comments about my friends or my mam... I loved her so I made excuses for her bad behaviour and let her away with so much...

I am not an angel but I didn't deserve to be turned on like that and I guess what I'm trying to understand is how I could still want to be with this person?

It sounds like you want to try again? Are there any reasons you should try again? You seem to have put out the reasons not to.

If nothing has changed, then don't go back to her. But before I give any more advice, did she leave you or did you leave her?

As for your main question, about how you could want to be with a person who hurt you in the past, is because you probably see the potential in them. If she has met the potential loving nature you probably want from a girlfriend, then it's a bit safter to go back to her. But if she's the same horrible person you described, I don't think so...

The reasons I would not go back is because I could not go through losing her again.. the pain was so great! I cried a lot even thought I tried immediately to get on with my life. I went out with friends, kept myself busy!

I broke up with her because I knew the criticisms weren't right, I thought how could it be healthy to have someone so close to you who puts you down when they don't get their way.
She came to me on valentines and made it up to me said everything she had said was because she felt so strongly about me.
I just didn't want to let go so we got back together for that night and then ofcorse when I once again said something she did not approve of she caused a scene and it ended with her telling me she had wasted her time on me... and then it ended for good the next day.. she came to collect her car and then she said she was going out to have a meal with her friends. That I was not worth the flowers or the chocolates she had gotten for me... I cannot understand how someone could go for a meal after a breakup. She threw the flowers in my room and said keep them... your pathetic. I never felt so low. She had once again repeated her poor behavior and I would have probably taken her back... because of how I felt about her.

I know how ridiculous it all sounds. I don't know whether to laugh or cry about the whole thing.


My family and friends didn't really like her as they felt she took over my life and my time. My mam especially felt there was something lacking in her... emotionally! She got the impression she was acting. Which I could not see or understand because she wanted to be with me all the time.

Is it possible that someone who wants to spend every waking minute with you can be acting just to have someone... not to be alone?

She is now involved with someone and rebounded just a few days after the breakup.. from what I have heard. I have seen her a few times but we never speak.

I want to know why I... or people in general put up with that kind of treatment?

I think it's because you see something in her. You've felt the loving side, so you're probably not in love with her, but you're in love with what you believe she could be. And this is a classic example of why people put up with crap like that.

If she hasn't changed, then there's no sense in continuing to love her. If she had changed then you guys could give it another try. From what your saying though, she still sounds pretty evil to me.

Lol yeah a lot of people who know me have said she is evil.. but I guess your right I saw the nice loving side. She was caring at times she used to look after me when I was sick or she would make me lunch for work or collage in the mornings and surprise me.. it's the little things like that... which make you regress back in your thoughts.
A part of me will always love her no matter how much people put her down.
I know she's out there feeling the same in some ways maybe not thinking of me as often because she has a replacement. In fact her friend who I bumped into not long ago told me she had said to her a few months back that I had been the one she loved and because we could not get on consistently she had to let go.

She has someone else now but I suspect a rebound won't last. Especially since it was 3 days after our break up. About 7 or 8 months ago
I have healed a lot more than she has. Il be the stronger one in the end. I hope!

If you don't love yourself, and respect yourself, how do you expect anyone else to? Get help, and find out how to show the one you see in the mirror, she is the best thing in the world.

I have respect for myself I don't take bad treatment off anyone in fact my standards are high with that sort of thing normally. I am in a good position in my job and have close friends who I respect and they would treat me with the same.

Its jbelieve it was because my defenses were down in the relationship she knew she could play away with bad behaviour and id still be there for her.
And I'm actually a women not a dude.

Honestly, when someone treats us like Sh-- it often makes us initially want them MORE.
it's basic psychology.

... Because we think we somehow must have caused it. Or we are naturally drawn to what's moving away... We try to get our self-esteem and ego back. But the truth is YES, you can still feel in love with your ex (that's normal) you are sorting through a lot of feelings, but in time you WILL see it's not real love... just the brain and your self-esteem and perhaps lingering lust that clouds your brain. You'll get there! This is all NORMAL.

Ash 123 did you study psychology? You have a point as it always is more interesting and exciting when a person is illusive or indifferent. But the result is that they may continue to be indifferent and this interested and treat people poorly. Then when you fall for them your rightly screwed because then anyting goes!

What is real love then? I know in time I will heal but how do I know what to look out for in the future?

look for someone who gives as much as you do and you want to share with family and friends...

And can take the good with the bad - cause women who can handle adversity are going to be great partners... the rest will make you sad.