I am a mother of 7 one being a step child. I have tried everything to get to know and build a worth wile relationship with my step son but he keeps me at arms length if even that close. His childhood was rather dysfunctional with his mom's drinking and his parents fighting. When I say fighting I mean very load screaming, punching walls and putting one another down.

He had indicated he doesn’t want me to care about him or do anything for him his mother can't or won’t do. He has also indicated he doesn’t get why I care at all. I have tried leading by example, treating him as I would anyone else in my life as well as how I'd treat my family and other children both in love and in discipline. I have also tried getting him resolution with his parents past with talking to him and getting him counseling. Nothing seems to help, His father doesn’t seem to feel it matter's, but I am seeing him build relationship with all of my family and being resistant to me. At this point I'd settle for a certain comfort level and communication in any form. I just can't find an open forum.

I am a mother of 7 one being a step child. I have tried everything to get to know and build a worth wile relationship with my step son but he keeps me at arms length if even that close. His childhood was rather dysfunctional with his mom's drinking and his parents fighting. When I say fighting I mean very load screaming, punching walls and putting one another down.

He had indicated he doesn’t want me to care about him or do anything for him his mother can't or won’t do. He has also indicated he doesn’t get why I care at all. I have tried leading by example, treating him as I would anyone else in my life as well as how I'd treat my family and other children both in love and in discipline. I have also tried getting him resolution with his parents past with talking to him and getting him counseling. Nothing seems to help, His father doesn’t seem to feel it matter's, but I am seeing him build relationship with all of my family and being resistant to me. At this point I'd settle for a certain comfort level and communication in any form. I just can't find an open forum.
it sounds like you have done an a great job trying to include your stepson, I too have one and it is hard... I call him randomly, make sure he knows he always has some one to talk with and that you are there for him. I really think your husband needs to be aware that there are issues he and his ex should turn to work out the son so he doesn't carry the baggage into his adult life. It's there place to provide explanations to him, which you probably wouldn't have the answers too, as stepparent we have a strict line we have to follow and you my friend are doing all you can . Prayers for you and your family

Try instead of being a mother try being just a buddy, I kind of went through that with my new wife's cousins and there about that age to, in the beginning they didn't like me cause I wasent her ex husband( she was married before) go they were really negative to me, and it was so obviouse but I never let it get under my skin, you ever heard of the saying "kill them with kindness" that's what I did, I stuck it out always tried to be encluded and for them to BE encluded and look now... therer always around me and call me uncle, I know your doing everything that you can do, just stick it out andit will happen, mahalo