Multiple threads merged

Following up on my story, It has been almost 3 days till we have talked. I did talk to her sister on myspace, but at the same time, I do think it was Monica the whole time. But I do feel great about everything... I have a job interview coming on Tuesday, and I've been hanging out with friends everyday and doing active things.. Im just NOT sure what I should be doing.. YES I have to ask myself what do I want... Should I wait for her? Even though she did say she was going to come back when she is finished with this issue she has.. We even promised that we would be a couple agaian after this. But I keep asking myself... How long... why hasn't she even texted once to see how I'm doing? I know its her space and all.. but I mean I can't just sit here like a doll.. Ive been thinking about dating other girls.. but then if I do that.. and weeks come by and she comes back to me.. then what? Im just stuck atm..
PLZZ any tips will help a lot
Thanks

The terms of this break up should have been clearly defined, and agreed to. Since they are not then You are free to do whatever you chose to do with your life. Not a bad place for a young guy to be!

NC(No Contact) ;)

You decide for yourself what the terms of the break are and what you're going to do. If you want to date other people then do it. Then if she later decides she wants you back, you decide whether you're going to take her back and on what terms. You've got to stay focused on what you want and how you're going to play the game, without worrying about what others want or expect.

Take one day at a time and enjoy what each day has to offer. You will know what to do within each day as it unfolds. Don't dwell on plans look for the surprises. You will know when the moment comes that you want to go out with a girl or today you would rather eat at that restaurant you always wanted to go to or whatever. You know what they say about the best laid out plans. Plans never work for me and even when you do plan on something it isn't necessarily the plan of the people involved. Like you could plan to ask a girl out and she could tell you ha. Or you could plan on getting back with her someday and right before you think it is going to happen you could run into someone that you can't pass up. Don't dwell on what if's especially when they are down the road.
Life is too short to waste it on plans that don't go the way you intended, learn to be more spontaneous.
The only thing you should plan in life are your long term goals.

Don't sit around and wait and let your life pass you by.you don't have to jump in a relationship.just have friends.more than likely she's talking to other guys.especially since she hasn't called or communicated with you.. do you, and if your heart hasn't changed for her when she comes back then its OK to take her back.but please don't wait because what if she never comes back... you'll be waiting forever

Ok, so anyway from my other stories as how I said she didn't talk to me for 3 days, and I didn't talk to her I was at the break point. I was TIRED of the drama and games. She needed space I gave her what I expected was enough time. She told me "i was dying to call or text you but i didnt want to look like the idiot"
Basically.. if you haven't read my other stories this is a summary.
She broke up with me cause she just got out of a 3 year relationship with her ex before me ( we were together for 3.5 months) BUT she still had feelings for him.. NOT love feelings, but just missing feelings, and she didn't think it was right to date me while she was still missing him.
Ok.. so you.. my heart was completely broken, I was hurt.. I didn't talk to her for 3 days but on Saturday I texted her. (she was soooo GLAD that I did cuase she missed me so much) <<< diidnt tell me that right away though. Then we talked all night. I know this seems VERY weird but I ended up making her cry for hours.. ITS FELT GREAT. I made her feel what I felt when she told me the bull about the break up. So.. Sunday.. I called her friend to see if she wants to hang out. This got my EX even more mad and , calling me and texting me non stop telling me NEVER to call or text her again. This and that.. at the time I didn't give a.. I WAS MOVING ON and making sure SHE knew it. Im not a baby to be played around and wait for false hope.
She was the one who told me that its OK to move on if I wanted too.. So I did.. the 2nd she seen that I was not bulling that's when SHE realized that she ed up. All her friends KNOW I'm a great good looking, nice, well mannered guy. And I think that made her see that she truly did not want to lose me.
I know this is TRUE love... I know it's a weird story.. but you KNOW how hard it is to tell the person you love that you are still thinking about your ex (just missing) nothing about love feelings or anything... I mean.. you know HOW hard that is to tell someone? That's REAL honestly. I know it sounds CRAZY... but I do believe her and NOW she knows I'm not on no bull and that at anytime I see she's lying or anyhting I'm just going to move on. <<<<< this is what made her change...
SLOWLY but since Monday.. she is slowly coming back.. she told me she loved me like 5 times, haven't told me that in weeks.. Told me that she was still my cutie pie and little names like that.
I know she STILL might be just playing the game or what not,, ONLY time will tell.. BUT I am not waiting... I know this is bad on my part.. but yes, I am talking to her friend on the side.. we are going to hang out on Friday.. same time I started talking to this girl from my colllege whose really interested in me. SO either way.. she s me over again.. I'm prepared to move on. But Yes I still love her and I will wait for her, but I can't tell her how long ill wait for... but the OLD monica I used to know is coming back.. so that's a good sign..
Sunday when she found out about her friend and I, and that I was going to move on and that I wanted to get all my things from her house... she was PLANNING on running away for a few days.. that's how ed up she got in the head from this.. she knows she ed up

MY ADVISE TO THOSE WHO ARE WAITING FOR THERE EX'S ::::::::::
Don't wait plzzzzzzzz. MOVE on and SHOW them that you are... seeing how you are NOT in their life and in someone else's is the ONLY way they will realize they NEED you. Don't listen to HOPE.. it won't get you anywhere. You want them you want you more?? Then make them want you more... SHOW them you aren't afriad to move on.. show them that YOU Don't NEED THEM. Show them that you are the MAN and not the little pussie in the relationship. I KNOW its hard.. but since we broke up I Still haven't told my ex I loved her, and she told me many times.. She is NOW realizing that I am the one for her and I KNOW she is forgettiing about her ex faster than she would have ever known.

Well I kind of have a similar problem we broke up from a 3yr relationship for incompatibility issues its hard but sitting around waiting is only harder not a option. So yes it is extremely hard buti nesasary I want to hope it would work out but don't want to lie to myself no more no reason to. Allot of my friends and family said she will see that she made a mistake but it will probably take another guy to make her see the mistake she made. I have to start going out again , make new friends and stay with different people so yes I agree with you but it will be different for everyone some ex will not look back and change there mind and they might even be happy about that. But if that the case ITS OVER... its hard but I feel better every time I read or write something

I mean... she was SOOO hurt and disappointed in herself that she was going to run away from her house for a few days... She's knows she messed up.. Its only a matter of time before yours does too.. BUT make that happen!! YOU can't prove anything to her by sitting on your but. LET her know that you can live without her. I know this is hard.. but get a GF fast very fast.. even if your just doing it to get back at her... DO it and SHE will see that you are very happy and can live without her.. once she seees this.. she will be crushed and crying back to you.

Quik, you have life and BS all mixed up ,as manipulating and using others to get what you want, is despicable.

Ok.. My girlfriend (ex for the time being) and I haven't talked in 4 days.. last time I seen her I made it clear that I was going to give her time and I erased her number and every connect that I have of her to make her know that I want her to have her space. We only dated almost 4 months, but we both agreed it was the best ever... it was love at first site.. she started school again, hanging out with friends and things. We didn't talk before for 3 days.. this was when she said she needed some time to think... during those 3 days.. she even told me that she was DYING to talk to me and text me but she didn't want to look like she was stupid becase she is the one who said she needed time. I made the mistake and texted her to see how she was doing. So I told her this time its for real.. and I deleted all her numbers.. extc..
Sooo I was just wondering.. how long goes it take.. does it matter on how strong we were as a couple before hand? Or does she just want space to miss me so much that she will want to see me even more? Im a bit lost in this situtation.
She even told me when we decided to take a break, that this will make our 2nd part of our relationship stronger and better. I have no idea to think she's just playing me and bullSh#$ing me or telling the truth.
I talked to some of my friends.. they toldme it could take weeks.. maybe even a few months.. I'm not sure what to think at this time..
Any tips or suggestions?
I know what NC really means now after I ed up once.. but same time she was dying to talk to me.. but I made it sure that this time.. if she wants to conect me, she HAS to make the first move.. cuase I cant. Deep inside.. I know we will be together again.. but it sucks not being able to talk to your best friend or be with that person.. : ((((((((

Hey man I am in a pretty similar situation right now. My girlfriend said she needed a break and some space to really think about things going on in her life and to see if we are really meant to be together. We still talk here and there, maybe once a day or every few days. She hasn't said anything like yours, about the second part of the relationship, but only that after some time and after school dies down and she can clear her head that she will really be able to understand and think about her future and our future. So it sucks yes, it could be worse I guess, they could have told us both to take a hike and not to call them or talk to them again. So reallly I don't think there is a set time limit in this situation. We are not in control and the only thing we can do is live our lives and hope they miss us enough to want us in their lives in the near future. I have a thread on here, that has a lot of good advice and posts from a lot of different people on this site. So I am just taking it day by day, if she needs me or wants to talk I will be there of course, b /c I love her and I know we have something still. So I guess my idea is to just be around, not like before, give her space and time to do other things and hopefully start fresh in a few weeks, months or whenever. Best of luck to you , hope things work out for the both of us.

See that's the part where I'm a bit confused...
Durning this time,, do you believe the bullSh$#? Such as " ya dont worry, it wont be long" or Don't worry I love you you have no reason to be worried" these are the things which I'm just confused by...
Do I believe them or not? I mean during this whole time with her, she NEVER lied or anything to me... so I do believe her, same time I Don't want to have false hope and get hurt AGAIN.
Diffeecne with you and your girl is clear... you 2 STILL talk.. I mean my ex and I are on NC at all.. unless she makes first move.. but I mean her feelings for me were SOOO strong and still are.. and its like.. I know she's thinking if she textes me or calls me that she will think its making her look stupid or something.

Let me mention what my personal experience has been. I dated till I was 29 and got married and not to the same woman either during nearly all of that time.

I have never had a relationship that needed "breaks" that didn't eventually fall apart over issues of compatibility. Look at it as an early warning system.

If you have to get away from each other now what are you going to do if you ever get married? Gives you something to think about, right?

I've been married 16 years now since then... I get no "Breaks" nor do I need or want them. Wife and I go everywhere together. The only time we aren't together is at work.

Yeah man I hear you. Its tough to know what really is going through their heads during times like these. You just got to have faith that things will work out for the best. It is not guaranteed by any means that my and my girl will get back together anytime soon or ever. We know each other and care about each other so much after 4 years that its hard to just cut all contact, especially when there is no real reason to be upset at one another. So its mostly her taking time to see what she wants and really feels. I can't pretend to understand it because I don't but you just have to go with it for now and do your own thing. I didn't talk to her for a week and then I called her. She thought I was movign on and upset and didn't call her because I was over it, and so she didn't call me. I am glad I called her because we were able to talk and clear things up, as much as possible for now. So when she is ready to talk again about her and us then we will. I am not sure if you guys agreed to do NC or you think it's the best thing to do. I don't really have any advice, just follow what you think is right. Most of the time that will be right for you, and if it turns out badly, well I guess it's a lesson learned. Well good luck, times are tough but eventually they will get better, with or without her.

Gf broke up with me needing break.. she's EVERYTHING to me... I tried to forget her and move on.. I cant... its too hard... I cry every night don't know what to do anymore... the pain is just too much... I tried sleeping at friends house (taking me mind of things).. talking to other girls... I have no idea what else to do... I can't live without her... I grew up with a VERY hard and BAD childhood... I had NO one my whole life until she came.. now she's gone.. and I can't even think what to do now... Ive been thinking about killing myself so many times and just ending it I have no one to go too.. no one to listen to me but her... pain gets worst and worst everyday... I'm a lost dog without a master...

I Think you need to step back a bit and get hold of yourself first off. I know it's a hard to go through what your going through but you sound like a broken man ready to give up. We have all had this happen to us and we have all hurt and wished to God for it to stop, but it won't, its something we have to face, a broken heart. Find yourself and come to the real;ization that things can be worse and you will move on without her.

I do believe that right after a breakup you have the opportunity to learn a lot about yourself, to gather up your feelings and begin correcting what needs fixing, if you choose to wallow in self-pity than this opportunity is lost and you will only get further depressed and things will seemthat more bleak. You are worth something, to her, toothers, so don't say you have no one, that's just the pain coming through, nothing else. I say you should get in touch with your feelings and sit down and analyze how you feel, talk it out when you are in control, not when you are hurting this bad. Than you will see the forest from the trees.

Bestof luck.

Gf broke up with me needing break.. shes EVERYTHING to me.... i tried to forget her and move on.. i cant...its too hard... i cry everynight dont know what to do anymore... the pain is just too much... i tried sleeping at friends house (taking me mind of things).. talking to other girls... i have no idea what else to do.... i can't live without her... i grew up with a VERY hard and BAD childhood... i had NO one my whole life until she came.. now shes gone .. and i can't even think what to do now... Ive been thinking about killing myself so many times and just ending it i have no one to go too.. no one to listen to me but her... pain gets worst and worst everyday... im a lost dog without a master...

There is a wonderful book available that helped be get through my marriage break-up. It is called Erogenous Zones. It is not sexual even though the title implies differently. It major objective is to help you concentrate on yourself and how regardless of how you feel at the moment, it is not that person that is causing those feelings, it is you. You are in charge of how you are affected by others. In otherwords, you cannot control what someone says, but you can control how you react to it. This book got me to the point of facing off with my husband and announcing to him that I did not require him to make me happy. I was in charge of my own feelings. Funny thing happened, he started changing his mind about leaving me when I stopped whinning and crying about how hurt I was. Even funnier... I decided I was strong enough, that I did not need him in my life and was capable of making myself satisfied with life. I will not lean on others as a crutch. Only I can make myself happy and only I can make myself miserable. Read the book, it will change your life.

My friend, my ex fiancé broke up with me 9 months ago of almost 5 years. I know the pain you are feeling. Trust me when I say this time does heal. Let your emotions take it's course. It took me about 3 months for the pain in my heart to start fading away. But even 6 months into break up the hurt was gone but I still missed her. I am 9 months into it and although I still think of her a little bit But now I'm happy without her now. And I also felt I couldn't live without her. So just let time take it's course and you will be happy again without her.

Hey, nah what your saying is all wrong. Life goes on my friend. You can live through this painful time no prob! How about the people who are fighting in Iraq right now? Being blown up, shot at, familys being destroyed in the blink of an eye?

Most people on this planet have been through heart ache. Guess what it didn't kill them, it made them stronger and more aware what they wanted for the future. Its time to concentrate on you and your life. If your unhappy with what you have. You can change it, you're the only one who really can.

Instead of moping around, go out there and get the job you allways wanted, join a club, go to the gym, change your life around because no one else will do it for you.

Please abide by No contact as well and in time life will get easier.

QuikFeedmeplz,

I hope you are reading the posts above. They say it all. Life isn't easy but you musn't let it beat you down.

Telling you that it will pass is not helping, I know. It never does. It's like telling you that your new shoes will stop being uncomfortable at some point: it doesn't change anything.

It's the first time this has happened to you, yes? I am guessing this because when you allow a person to mean "everything", then you risk losing everything. Seldom do we make this mistake twice. She is NOT everything. YOU are everything.

My only advice is not to do anything rash while you are suffering. Yes, you'll suffer a bit. Don't compound your pain by groveling or chasing her; this will only make you ashamed of yourself when it doesn't work, and it won't.

This is the Big One we all go through at some point. Be strong, trooper.

You are not alone here. I too thought my ex was everything. I wanted to die when he left me for another woman. The pain was so bad I can only describe it as grieving a death. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep I was devastated. I truly wanted to die. Except I knew that wasn't an option. I have 2 wonderful sons and a beautiful granddaughter so leaving them just couldn't happen. I found this website and everyone said it would get better in time. I thought if they only knew how much pain I was in they wouldn't say that to me. But I found out they do know how much pain I was in. I soon found out that most of them too had been in the midst of heartbreak at one time or another. And the people that I thought were crazy for telling me it would get better, they were actually right and now 3 months have pasted since he left and I don't want to die anymore. To tell the truth I'm starting to wonder why I thought he was everything in the first place.

Actually I did think all of you were crazy. I just knew you couldn't even begin to know how much pain I was in and if you only knew how I really felt you would all know it wasn't going to be possible for me to ever get over it and feel better. Back then I thought I was the only one to ever feel heartbreak like this. LOT LOT I KNEW. LOL

KK... so I had the balls to text my ex after 6 days.. just to say Hi. Her friend answered and said this isn't her # anymore.. I asked who this is? He said it was jorge ( a guy friend of hers that I know also) I'm thinking I'm my head.. if he's telling me its NOT her number anymore why does he have her phone? Then he called me.. it sounded like a little kid from her church that I also know..
So I KNOW it was all played out.. she had her phone.. and was playing it as she didn't cuase she didn't know what to do.. . She wanted me to think that she didn't care anymore when I KNOW she does... it's a stupid thing girls do.. I know how they are... ts immature but you... they do it...
Then yesterday I texted her.. saying monica I know its you, I need to tlak to you.
She answered acting as she didn't care...
We texted back and worth like 15 times... as we texted more and more.. I knew she was happy that I texted her.. she was excited to tell me about her weeken and things she did. She also told me that she kind of knows what will happen. I Didn't ask, but she said her EX is in the pic still.. but NOT as a couple, they are just church friends. I asked her hmmm where am I in all this? She said mb as a friend.. I was like damn.. only as a friend.. I was hoping best friends.. she said... well see how things go lol.
So I'm not really hurt anymore cuase I know deep inside that we will be together... not now.. maybe in a few months or next year.. until then.. I'm just going to grow back our friendship I had with her and take it ONE step at a time... I seen a pic of her on Tuesday.. last time I talked to her.. and she was like crying in the pic.. I guess she was hurt maybe thinking she messed up or something. But anyway.. I see HOPE... not now.. but in the future I do...
I mean.. I DO realize now why we broke up and everything... she Told me that she wants to forget her EX before we continue to go on with our relationship.. I know it sounds stupid.. but really.. that's HONESTLY.. she NEVER lied or anything to me before.. and she even told me many times.. don't worry.. it will be over soon and this and that.. I know she's not lying.. I know deep inside she wants it to work as much as I do.. she only needs time.. everyone goes though this.
Thanks for all the support guys... really HELPED a lot.. I thought my life was over and everything... I got scared when she said she needed time for us TO HELP us.. not to make it worst.. but I was thinking bad things..

As you can see you are clearly not the only one who has been through the hell of a break up, but my first suggestion is to take a look at yourself because from what I am reading I get that you did not have a life before her and you just think that she is your life and once you come to terms with the person that you are, then you will be able to love someone else. Never let someone else hold your life in there hands it is not fair to her or to you. Get better acquainted with yourself.

Good advice

Its over man. A break is a break up. Especially when you are young. There are exceptions to the rule. For the most part its over.

Break Up = The real way of saying it is over

Break = Cowardly way of saying it is over

Green means go. You deserve better.

Sammee thing happened to me with my boyfriend. He said he needed a break to figure things out. And how he thinks he doenst give me the attention I deserve. I never text him untilh e texts me first I don't want to be weird and clingy. He'll text me saying he's thinking about me and stuff. We hungout yesterday. And he told me he still loved me and all that stuff, and how when he saw me hurt it killed him inside.
So I don't know how long breaks last. But jeeze don't they wear you down? I feel like complete all the time. I can't even be happy I'm always thiking about him


I don't know what to doooo :(

I am in a similar situation and its only been about three days. He decided we needed to break up because he said that he couldn't give me the attention I deserved because he is really focusing on his new career.

We have been in contact after the break up mostly to resolve that we do need some time apart. We decided that we will keep each other updated on things every once in a while, and I miss him so much already. I know that he loves me and I love him. But him being a guy, and I know him, its much easier for him to not contact me for a while.

My family and I are attending his graduation in four days, but after that its going to be a while before I talk to or see him. I'm just going to focus on my life for a while and hope that he realizes that he misses me and wants to be with me. I have to be strong and not call or text him for that to happen.

Its hard, but he is worth it. No matter what anyone says I love him and I have hope that we will get back together, I don't know when or how. Hang in there, we were together 4 years, I hope that he doesn't forget me that easily.

Best of luck.