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mon3yca15
Sep 25, 2007, 08:01 AM
Hi my name is Monica and I feel so bad. My boyfried of 5 years broke up with me for the 4th time. I don't understand why.. I did eveything he wanted me to do. He saw me whenever he wanted or had "time for me". I was always there for him.. Gave him money when he needed without expecting anything but love from him.. took him to work, bought him food, treated him when we would go out, you name it I did it for him.. I don't know why he would do that to me.. I don't understand why he was like that to me.. He never wanted to go to parties, family gatherings, clubs or out with my friends... he just always wanted to be home alone with me.. He said" he wanted to have me all to himself" He never even introduced me to his family or wanted to meet mine...
I am having a really hard time to get over him.. he really hurt me and I feel so used.. All for the sudden he just broke up with me for no reason... What should I do?

Foxy459459
Sep 25, 2007, 08:14 AM
First of all hunny, you keep saying how much you have done for him, but now you need to ask yourself what has he done for you? Its sounds as if you took care of him. And after 5 years you never met his family?! That's extremely strange. He sounds like a big jerk, and got what he wanted from you. Now you just need to learn how to walk away. I know its so much easier said then done believe me I know, but you have to walk away, and if he actually loves you he will follow, but you need someone that is going to treat you and give to you what you give to them. A relationship is 50/50 not 10/90. You deserve so much more. I know my problem is that I give and give and give and get nothing in return. NOT COOL! But once I stop allowing that to happen, I met a great guy that would do anything for me... It will happen to you to, you just have to let it. Good luck to you and keep me posted. Do you self a favor and walk away, meet new people, and see how he feels about that...

Foxy459459
Sep 25, 2007, 08:15 AM
OH, and read my qoute, it helped my through a lot in situations like your in

mon3yca15
Sep 25, 2007, 01:04 PM
Thank you so much for the advice foxy... I just feel so bad because I gave this guy everything I had and he did this to me.. I don't think I deserved it.. and I feel worse because when he broke up with me he didn't even bother to give me a good reason all he said was that he could take being with me anymore... does that mean he lied to me all the time and never really loved me?

GlindaofOz
Sep 25, 2007, 01:11 PM
I'm sure your intentions were very good and were to make him happy but you ended up putting yourself in the role of "doormat". It sounds as if he walked all over you and did not appreciate anything you did for him.

We still have to retain a bit of ourself in a relationship. We cannot give everything to someone and get nothing in return. I know it sounds like you are being selfless but you are allowing the other person to be selfish. Relationships are supposed to be 50/50. It sounds like this one was 100/0.

I feel something off by the fact that he never took you out and never introduced you to friends and family. Any chance he is married or has another girlfriend? That just doesn't sit right with me.

I'm sorry this happened to you. This guy sounds like a real user. There are some great posts on this forum that can help you after a break up. I have to say if he calls again ignore him. This guy is not worth your time.

Here are those posts I mentioned:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...ed-123862.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...kup-78597.html

Foxy459459
Sep 25, 2007, 01:14 PM
That's something that you will never know. I had that happen to me for a 3 year period. I spent over 5000.00 on him. I know how you feel and it has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. You don't want to be with some one like that. Its not worth it in the long run. Start thinking about first all the money you will save from not being with him. Do something nice for yourself even if its just going and getting your nails done or bying yourself and outfit to make yourself feel good. You will met the right one when the time is right. Work on you right now. Because you have love yourself before you can love anyone else. And rebounds suck. Get together with your girl friends and have a good time. Im not going to say forget about this guy because I know you can't do that. But learn from him, and what he did to you. And maybe he will come crawling back but it takes a real hardcore person to tell him to take a hike and not look back, because its not up to you to take care of him, and I know you did what you did because you love him, but if he's not giving anything in return then its not worth it! Your better then that to let some jerk take advantage of you because you love them. Just learn from your mistakes. There are good guys out there. Im going to give you the same advice that someone gave me and it help me a lot. "Go into everything with your eyes wide open" Don't turn your head to red flags, Run from them. If you ever need anyone to talk to about something like this, just let me know I've lived through a lot... Be good to you.

mon3yca15
Sep 25, 2007, 01:51 PM
Well. I did do everything to try to make him happy.. that's why I can't understand why he did that to me.. thank you both for the great advice.. I know it's going to be very hard to forget about him because he always does this to me.. he breaks up with me for no good reason and then calls me back in a couple of months and tells me he still loves me and want to be with me.. like always I fall for it... but I don't know what to do now... I'm so tired of being treated this way... what should I do to help me forget about him faster?

GlindaofOz
Sep 25, 2007, 01:54 PM
Remember everything cruel he ever said or did. If necessary write down a list and post it where you will see it several times a day (this works VERY well btw). I posted mine on my mirror so when I would get ready in the morning I would just read over and over again all the crummy things. It helped seal in my mind the bad and pushed out the good.

cerisa
Sep 25, 2007, 02:48 PM
Are you sure he was single? Sounds like he was otherwise occupied. Why stay with a selfish man in any case? You seem to have a lot to give, give it to someone who gives in return.

mon3yca15
Sep 25, 2007, 03:22 PM
That I knew.. yes he was single and I was his only girlfriend.. that's what he would tell me... but he never wanted to go out with my friends or his... every time I would tell him to go out he would get mad and change the subject.. we only went out a couple of times to the movies and I practically had to beg him... I just thought that he loved me and that's why I did all of those things for him... I just wanted him to be happy and this is what he did to me

cerisa
Sep 25, 2007, 03:25 PM
So sorry for you. Hope you find someone who appreciates you.

GlindaofOz
Sep 25, 2007, 04:54 PM
that i knew.. yes he was single and i was his only gf.. that's what he would tell me... but he never wanted to go out with my friends or his... every time i would tell him to go out he would get mad and change the subject.. we only went out a couple of times to the movies and i practically had to beg him... i just thought that he loved me and that's why i did all of those things for him... i just wanted him to be happy and this is what he did to me

Oh jeez. I'd say without a doubt you were an unwilling other woman. What a double dirty rat. Some people...

talaniman
Sep 25, 2007, 07:35 PM
Not to sound harsh but after 4 times haven't you seen his pattern and cried enough for this user/loser?? Stop letting him kick you. If you truly are tired, you wouldn't fall for his tired lines again.

americangayboy
Sep 25, 2007, 07:44 PM
You WERE being used, and this guy seems like a d-bag. You're better off without him.

Homegirl 50
Sep 25, 2007, 07:51 PM
He has left you 4 times. He probably found different women to take care of him and when they kick him out he comes back to you. I've heard all you did for him, but what did you get from this relationship?
Despite what some people may say, the best way to keep a man is not to be a doormat. You do not give give give and get nothing in return. He did this to you because he is a jerk and you let him.
Let today be the one you make up your mind to never give him another chance.

friend4u178
Sep 25, 2007, 08:04 PM
Hi Monica
I'm real sorry for your pain but you definitely need to get over this jerk. What a wanker , you need to be with someone who appreciates and deserves you. Be strong and don't ever give him the chance to get back into and continue ruining your life , it's way too short!

mon3yca15
Sep 26, 2007, 09:25 AM
Thanks to all of you for the advice... I just hope I can get passed this and move one with my life... would anyone know about how long it will take for me to stop feeling so sad?

Foxy459459
Sep 26, 2007, 09:46 AM
Sweetie it all depends on you, that's why I say to go out with your girlfriends and start taking care of you. Because only you can fix yourself. Just keep telling yourself that you deserve so much more! And you are a good and kind and wonderful person, any guy would be so lucky to have someone like you.

smoothy
Sep 26, 2007, 11:44 AM
Lots of women have been in your shoes... its a matter of picking the wrong guy. Consider this a learning experience and use what you have learned about him to pick a better man the next time. Don't repeat this mistake by going after another guy like him.

GlindaofOz
Sep 26, 2007, 11:48 AM
thanks to all of you for the advice... i just hope i can get passed this and move one with my life... would anyone know about how long it will take for me to stop feeling so sad?

Read through the posts listed in Talanimans signature. They are really helpful and will help you feel as if you can make it through this.

I say be prepared to hunker down for at least 90 days. I think it takes time to get that person out of your system. Naturally no contact is advised. If he calls, emails, sends a letter, etc do not accept it. Do not call him, etc. For all intents and purposes consider him missing from the face of the earth

If you ever feel like calling him log onto here instead and let it out. Someone is pretty much always around (the luck of being international :) ) to cheer you up and keep you feeling strong.

whitehawk
Sep 26, 2007, 02:46 PM
It's hard at the beginning but things do get better. You know when you have found the right person when you don't have to try.

s_cianci
Sep 26, 2007, 03:04 PM
Reread your post. You've answered most of your own questions.


I did eveything he wanted me to do. He saw me whenever he wanted or had "time for me". I was always there for him.. Gave him money when he needed without expecting anything but love from him.. took him to work, bought him food, treated him when we would go out, you name it I did it for him..
You were the perfect "sugar momma." You did it all for him and he didn't have to lift a finger to contribute in any way to your "relationship." You were taken advantage of and you let it happen. Now, look at all the red flags that should have been obvious from the start:

He never wanted to go to parties, family gatherings, clubs or out with my friends... he just always wanted to be home alone with me.. He said" he wanted to have me all to himself" He never even introduced me to his family or wanted to meet mine...
I'm sorry to break it to you so bluntly, but he never loved or cared about you. He just enjoyed all the things you did for him. Frankly I'm surprised he stuck around for 5 years, albeit with 3 "intermissions." Chalk this up as a learning experience. The next time you find a boyfriend, be sure not to love him more than you love yourself, at least not before he says "I do."

s_cianci
Sep 26, 2007, 03:09 PM
I also have to agree with several of the other posters who've suggested that there may be someone else in the wings.

Foxy459459
Sep 27, 2007, 03:10 AM
Lose the jerk, there is no way in hell that he deserves a good person like you, I know it hurt like hell right now, but believe me 5months down the road you are going to be so thankful that you got away from him! You are too much of a good person to be treated like he treated you!

mon3yca15
Sep 27, 2007, 07:15 AM
Thank you all once again... I have to agree with all of you... I just hope I he never calls again... I can't confront him... any one knows what to do if he does look for me..?

GlindaofOz
Sep 27, 2007, 07:18 AM
Ignore him.

If he calls don't answer. If he shows up at your home don't answer the door. If he sees you out someplace and approaches you there is nothing saying that you have to talk to him. Be polite but don't talk to him and walk away. You don't owe him anything. Remember that.

Foxy459459
Sep 27, 2007, 07:29 AM
Ignore him.

If he calls don't answer. If he shows up at your home don't answer the door. If he sees you out someplace and approaches you there is nothing saying that you have to talk to him. Be polite but don't talk to him and walk away. You don't owe him anything. Remember that.

Glinda is so right on the money here. I know its going to be hard, but you have to find the strangth to walk away and not take his calls. Try and go out with your girlfriends and meet new people. Don't allow this jerk to take anymore advantage of you then he already has. Its not fair to you. You deserve so much better! Remember that you are a good person and you deserve someone that is going to do as much for you as you do for them!

talaniman
Sep 27, 2007, 03:20 PM
You should be mad as heck if he ever shows his face again. Just remember how you feel now.

mon3yca15
Sep 28, 2007, 07:09 AM
I will try to do my best and ignore him if he calls or looks for me... I just hope this is over really soon... I'm seriously tired of all this I just didn't know what to do...

Foxy459459
Sep 28, 2007, 07:18 AM
Why don't you try going out with your girlfriends and meeting some new people. I know it's a lot easier said then done but it does work. It did for me anyway. You need to keep busy, and try to keep your mind off things. Im not saying going out and find someone to bring home, just try and makie some new friends, now its time to go out and enjoy yourself for yourself you know? That really is the first step. You have to start taking care of yourself. Get up, take a shower, put something nice on, do your hair and makeup, do yourself right now. When you look good you feel good about yourself. Try something like that I hope everything works out for you and I hope you feel better...

Zell
Sep 28, 2007, 11:18 AM
Don't walk away from him RUN away! This guys seems like a real t**t. If he tries to call/contact you just ignore him. You seem like a really nice person, there's nothing wrong with that of course, but some people do like to take advantage sometimes, it sucks but it happens. You can do better, there's plenty of good guys out there (like me :cool: ) that will treat you right. Don't waste anymore time on this guy.

mon3yca15
Oct 2, 2007, 07:53 AM
It's been a long month and I'm pulling through it.. I haven't looked for him and he hasn't looked for me.. I hope it stays this way so I can try to move on with my life... the only thing I want is for this feeling of anger and sadness to go away.. I go out with my girlfriends but when I get home late at night I feel worse... any thoughts?

smoothy
Oct 2, 2007, 08:14 AM
Move on.. find a guy that's going to give you more respect than this one. Most guys won't treat the person they care about like a door mat. You deserve better. Just consider it a learning experience as to what to avoid. Don't assume all guys are such cads however.

talaniman
Oct 2, 2007, 05:07 PM
Smoothy is right, you have learned and be smarter next time. You deserve a lot better, and don't forget that!!

GlindaofOz
Oct 2, 2007, 05:16 PM
it's been a long month and i'm pulling through it.. i haven't looked for him and he hasn't looked for me.. i hope it stays this way so i can try to move on with my life... the only thing i want is for this feeling of anger and sadness to go away.. i go out with my girlfriends but when i get home late at night i feel worse... any thoughts?

Its typical. Its only been a month. It takes a while to work through that anger stage especially in a situation like yours where you gave so much and got absolutely nothing back in return. You'll get mad at yourself and you'll get mad at him and eventually it will dissipate.

As for what to do when you get home and start to feel bad. It might help to write in a diary and just get it all out that way you won't have to keep everything bottled up.

friend4u178
Oct 2, 2007, 05:19 PM
Glinda is right , it just takes time and patience as well. You will feel so much better in another month , hang in there. And as Tal said you deserve better!

Homegirl 50
Oct 3, 2007, 05:45 AM
You're doing good girl, hang in there. You are going to be fine.

ConfusedandLost
Oct 3, 2007, 07:41 AM
I agree with everyone... take a look back, you did ALL of the work in that relationship. He did very little if any, be glad that it is over and move on. You will be fine... keep your chin up :)

mon3yca15
Oct 10, 2007, 07:29 AM
Hey guys... I know this is going to sound really dumb of me to say but I feel like calling him... I know that I shouldn't do it and if I do it's jut going to set me back to beginning... I feel soooo bad! Someone help! I don't want to fall again...

smoothy
Oct 10, 2007, 07:39 AM
If you call him then you will now officially deserve whatever you get.

Homegirl 50
Oct 10, 2007, 07:59 AM
Well get over that feeling. You will not feel any better for making the call.

talaniman
Oct 10, 2007, 11:52 AM
You will feel a lot better cleaning your closet than calling him and dredging up past misery. We all get those feelings and we can't act on them because we know it will do no good. Clean your closet and organise your cabinets. Anything but the wrong thing.

mon3yca15
Oct 26, 2007, 02:51 PM
Well, thanks for the advice... I didn't call and I'm so glad I didn't... I'm beginning to a lot less sad... I just hope this is all over soon...

Homegirl 50
Oct 26, 2007, 02:57 PM
I am so glad to hear that. Keep up the good work.

enigmagnetic
Oct 26, 2007, 03:17 PM
Hi my name is Monica and I feel so bad. My boyfried of 5 years broke up with me for the 4th time. I don't understand why.. I did eveything he wanted me to do. He saw me whenever he wanted or had "time for me". I was always there for him.. Gave him money when he needed without expecting anything but love from him.. took him to work, bought him food, treated him when we would go out, you name it i did it for him.. I don't know why he would do that to me.. I don't understand why he was like that to me.. He never wanted to go to parties, family gatherings, clubs or out with my friends... he just always wanted to be home alone with me..He said" he wanted to have me all to himself" He never even introduced me to his family or wanted to meet mine...
I am having a really hard time to get over him..he really hurt me and i feel so used.. All fo the sudden he just broke up with me for no reason... What should i do?
All the good girls are always with the Jerks what the heck!

mon3yca15
Nov 14, 2007, 12:09 PM
Well... he called me last night. I missed the call but he did leave me a message, telling me that he just wanted to know how I was doing and to ask me if I had ever try calling him back... now, I have all these mixed feeling again.

Foxy459459
Nov 14, 2007, 01:35 PM
Did you call him? I wouldn't call him, let him suffer for once. I know this is hard, and it is a very trying time for you sweetie but you can do this, you have all of us on here to talk to and you have all your friends out there. Remember that!

jolienoire
Nov 14, 2007, 02:10 PM
Hi my name is Monica and I feel so bad. My boyfried of 5 years broke up with me for the 4th time. I don't understand why.. I did eveything he wanted me to do. He saw me whenever he wanted or had "time for me". I was always there for him.. Gave him money when he needed without expecting anything but love from him.. took him to work, bought him food, treated him when we would go out, you name it i did it for him.. I don't know why he would do that to me.. I don't understand why he was like that to me.. He never wanted to go to parties, family gatherings, clubs or out with my friends... he just always wanted to be home alone with me..He said" he wanted to have me all to himself" He never even introduced me to his family or wanted to meet mine...
I am having a really hard time to get over him..he really hurt me and i feel so used.. All fo the sudden he just broke up with me for no reason... What should i do?

“Time is one of the essential ingredients. Each day brings 86,400 seconds. Whatever isn't used is gone forever.” Anony..


With that being said, live your life, and don't contact him.. People just don't break up for No reason, There may have been warning signs or maybe the relationship was already on the rocks, which it was if he keep breaking up with you. And every time you allow him back you reopen the wound..
No contact is highly recommended it's not how much you do for him But what are you doing for yourself! Besides he needs to get himself together.


“Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever...”
Isak Dinesen

He can't use you if you don't allow him.. Don't give him too much control.. You be the best YOU that you can be, and because you have loved you must also learn to let go...

Homegirl 50
Nov 14, 2007, 03:40 PM
He is still the same jerk, he may just be in between victims. Suck up those feelings and keep moving on. Don't give him a second thought.

friend4u178
Nov 14, 2007, 03:54 PM
He is still the same jerk, he may just be in between victims. Suck up those feelings and keep moving on. Don't give him a second thought.

Exactly... you have come this far Monica , don't go back to square 1.

mon3yca15
Nov 26, 2007, 08:50 AM
He called me again yesterday... then, later on went to my house without letting me know.. the next thing I knew my dad told me someone was looking for me at the door and it was him.. I felt weird! Happy and angry at the same time
He just went to my house to tell me he wanted to be friends how stupid is that? I feel so bad.. I started to feel all those old feelings again.. someone help, what should I do?

Homegirl 50
Nov 26, 2007, 08:56 AM
Tell him "that is not a good idea and please leave me alone" You don't owe him anything and you certainly don't need to "go there" with him again.
You are doing great! Hang in there.

smoothy
Nov 26, 2007, 09:36 AM
Tell him "that is not a good idea and please leave me alone" You don't owe him anything and you certainly don't need to "go there" with him again.
You are doing great!. Hang in there.
I agree with Homegirl on this... he had his chance and blew it. If you take him back expect to go through the same thing all over again. People like that don't change over anything less than a near death experience.

mon3yca15
Dec 4, 2007, 10:57 AM
I feel horrible.. =( he went to my house again and he had to show up with bite marks all over his neck..! I felt like my heart broke all over again. I told him to leave that I didn't want to know anything about him and that to forget about me because I was going to forget about him.. I feel so sad! I don't know what to do... I even changed my cell phone # so he wouldn't call me anymore.. I feel depressed

Homegirl 50
Dec 4, 2007, 11:21 AM
He is a loser and be glad you are not with him. The fact that he would do that should convince him that you are better off without him.

smoothy
Dec 4, 2007, 11:56 AM
i feel horrible.. =( he went to my house again and he had to show up with bite marks all over his neck..!! i felt like my heart broke all over again. I told him to leave that i didn't want to know anything about him and that to forget about me because i was going to forget about him.. i feel so sad! i don't know what to do... i even changed my cell phone # so he wouldn't call me anymore..i feel depressedNo made the step you needed to take... you got rid of a loser that wanted to use you. Keep up N/C give it a month or two, hang out with your lady friends and after a few months the pain will subside then you start looking for a new guy friend. And use what you learned from this loser to avoid his type again. Don't make the mistake many women make. Chasing after the same bad boy type that treats them like dirt, over and over again.

mon3yca15
Dec 6, 2007, 09:27 AM
is it normal to fell as though this was my fault? I feel horrible... I feel so sad =(
what should I do to stop this feeling ?

Foxy459459
Dec 6, 2007, 11:29 AM
Don't you start blaming yourself! You didn't do this, he did this to himself! You deserve so much better then that jerk, how dear him show up at your house with bite marks on his neck? Let me guess he got into a fight with a vacume? Hes a LOSER stay away from him, good for you changing your cell phone number. You will meet a nice guy soon enough!

talaniman
Dec 6, 2007, 11:32 AM
is it normal to fell as though this was my fault? i feel horrible... i feel so sad =(
what should i do to stop this feeling ?
Yes its normal, but its not all your fault, build a life without the ex, and learn to love yourself. That and time, will heal those fresh wounds in your soul.

mon3yca15
Dec 11, 2007, 08:27 AM
Ever since I saw him the last time I've been feeling really sad. I can't eat, I can't concentrate and when I'm asleep I dream about him... I've been crying too much and I don't even want to go out anymore... I feel like I'm depressed! I don't know how to get him out of my mind. What should I do??

talaniman
Dec 11, 2007, 08:31 AM
Find something to do that makes you happy, and time does the rest. Click on the links in my signature for some good suggestions.

smoothy
Dec 12, 2007, 07:22 AM
ever since i saw him the last time i've been feeling really sad. i can't eat, i can't consentrate and when i'm asleep i dream about him... i've been crying too much and i don't even want to go out anymore... i feel like i'm depressed! i don't know how to get him out of my mind. what should i do????Ignore the guy.. focus on other things. If you insist on going back with him, or someone like him then it becomes YOUR fault. Because you know he's like this and you chose to ignore it. Up till now its been his fault.

Like I said... hang out with your lady friends. Take up a hobby. When you get over these feelings then its time to move on and find someone new, someone different, not someone just like him.

mon3yca15
Dec 28, 2007, 11:23 AM
I've been feeling a lot better now that I have no contact with him... finally!
I've been going out with a new guy and I think I'm starting to develop some kind of feelings for him... I think about him a lot and when I'm with him I feel good again =) I'm just not sure if he feels the same for me... he kissed me already and we've gonne out a couple of times but I don't know.. what should I do about this?

ConfusedandLost
Dec 28, 2007, 11:27 AM
I would take it day by day with this new guy. Don't jump into things too fast... you don't want this to be a rebound type of relationship. You will know when and what to do, your feelings will dictate that. Just take it slow :)

mon3yca15
Jan 11, 2008, 09:09 AM
Well I found out that my ex is now calling my house! I don't know what to do anymore! Why would he call after more than a month and what he did to me?

Homegirl 50
Jan 11, 2008, 10:23 AM
Don't worry about the why. Continue to ignore him. He'll get the message.

HistorianChick
Jan 11, 2008, 10:50 AM
Honey, your post is a textbook definition of what "being used" means. Glad you are no longer in that situation.

As for this new guy? Take it slow. Realize that you're a unique, special, wonderful person and that you are worth the best. That "perfect guy" will know that, recognize that, and treat you like the princess you are. Don't worry.

Good luck! :)

smoothy
Jan 11, 2008, 12:17 PM
well i found out that my ex is now calling my house! i don't know what to do anymore! why would he call after more than a month and what he did to me?

Don't respond to him... if you can do it look into call blocking if you have to.

talaniman
Jan 11, 2008, 05:43 PM
You have nothing to say, so block his calls, and that sends a message. Your done with him, and his antics.

mon3yca15
Jan 15, 2008, 02:24 PM
well now I've been having a lot of dreams about him! =( mostly every night and I wake up with either a headache or a backache! It's weird! And not only that but I when I don't dream about my ex I dream of the new a guy I'm sort of talking to! I'm so confused! Why I'm I having these mixed dreams?

Homegirl 50
Jan 15, 2008, 08:00 PM
He is calling your house so he is still on your mind. That does not change anything. He is still a jerk and you are better off without him.
Hang in there, this too shall pass.

BKarinaG
Jan 15, 2008, 08:10 PM
I'm sorry to say but that guy, obviously did not like you. It's hard to get over a relationship that lasted so long.But the truth is you need to move on because he did use you. :(

EuRa
Jan 16, 2008, 08:39 AM
well now i've been having a lot of dreams about him! =( mostly every night and i wake up with either a headache or a backache! it's weird! and not only that but i when i don't dream about my ex i dream of the new a guy i'm sort of talking to! i'm so confused! why i'm i having these mixed dreams?
You're analyzing dreams?

This guy you described sounded a lot like me. I was exactly this way to a girlfriend I had about 10 years ago. I didn't really love her, but I did like her. She went out of her way for me, did everything I asked, was a total GODDESS to me. I was just a friend to her... very unfair.

Anyway, I broke it off with her also after 5 years. No excuses, just that I didn't want to be with her anymore. She chased after me and kept after me, which made me feel good. I kept tabs on her, and as long as I knew she wasn't seeing anyone, I did OK.

Then, when she started dating someone else, I got really jealous. She treated me like a GOD, and now she's dating someone else? HOW! She's supposed to be stuck on ME! So I tried and tried, and I got her back... only to dump her a couple weeks later. I kept toying with her over and over until one day she finally got rid of me and didn't talk to me or respond to me, etc. Which was good on her part because I would have kept playing with her.

So based on my experience, and your story, and what's been going on recently, no he doesn't want jack squat to do with you, he's just jealous that you can move on. He's jealous that you don't look at him like you used to. Women have more emotions than men, and men have this uncanny ability to use that against them. DON'T FALL FOR IT! You have a good thing going by being with someone else. He already broke up with you 4 times, remember? How many times do you have to go through it all before you learn! Wake up girl!

mon3yca15
Jan 16, 2008, 10:41 AM
well I kind of already knew that he didn't love me the way I loved him! Sad but true! =( but I just want to know why all of the sudden I'm having dreams about him ? Is it because he's calling my house and looking for me now? Why do I feel so confused?
and for Eura, did you ever regret doing this to this girlfriend you had and wish you were with her?

Homegirl 50
Jan 16, 2008, 10:47 AM
He is on your mind because he is still bugging you with phone calls. That's all there is to it.

HistorianChick
Jan 16, 2008, 10:48 AM
I agree with Homegirl - My last (defective) relationship caused me to change my phone number AND get a new provider. It was a drastic measure, but I couldn't handle the constant reminders of what was. Change that number!

mon3yca15
Feb 6, 2008, 11:08 AM
Well it's been a long while since I last saw him or even spoke to him and I still feel really bad... I feel like I'm falling apart! =( I think about him a lot and even me going out with my girl friends is not helping... I feel really frustrated with myself I don't know what to do anymore! He's even in my dreams , I hate that! How much longer before I start feeling like myself again.. anyone?

Homegirl 50
Feb 6, 2008, 11:22 AM
Don't know that there is any set time. It takes a different amount of time for everyone.
Remind yourself that he is no good for you and you are better off without him.
Don't put yourself back in a nasty situation just because you're thinking of him.

smoothy
Feb 6, 2008, 11:53 AM
Look forward... not backward. You got past numb nuts. Don't turn back now.

talaniman
Feb 6, 2008, 01:05 PM
It takes a while to recover from the trauma you have been through, sorry you can't rush the hurt and pain away, but be patient with yourself. It will get better.

friend4u178
Feb 6, 2008, 03:06 PM
You have to be patient Monica , there is no time frame and everyone heals differently. It's not easy , but each day it will get that little bit better , then weeks will pass and then months.

You will feel good about this eventually I promise , and then you'll come back and read your story and think WOW was I really that stuck up on this loser and smile.

mon3yca15
Feb 26, 2008, 11:52 AM
Well he went to my house the other night again... I told him a had a boyfriend and he left without even saying anything... why do I feel so confused... I thought I would feel better after telling him that but I don't! Now I have another problem. I'm dating this new guy and he's been really nice to me but I don't trust him... is that bad? He treats me really good and he's been calling me every night but yesterday he didn't! What should I do?

Homegirl 50
Feb 26, 2008, 12:44 PM
You may have jumped into another relatonship too soon after the last one.
Take this new one one day at a time.
Maybe he was busy and did not have a chance to call, but again just take things slowly.

talaniman
Feb 26, 2008, 03:21 PM
Maybe you need more time between b/f's.

mon3yca15
Apr 14, 2008, 11:38 AM
Well, I haven't heard anything about him in over 2 months already.. but in the past couple of days I've been feeling really sad and anxious... been thinking of him a lot and dreaming of him as well... I don't know what to do anymore.. we broke up 8 months ago and I still feel like this.. I don't think it's normal.. HELP!!

talaniman
Apr 14, 2008, 01:12 PM
Read some of the other posts here, and you'll know that it ain't easy breaking up, and moving on. Click on the links in my signature, and get some good suggestions on what to do.

mon3yca15
Jul 24, 2008, 09:40 AM
Well, it's been a long while already and I'm now in a new relationship with another guy... but I sometimes think of my EX... I don't feel the same way anymore but I do think about him sometimes and I wonder if I made the right decision... it's frustrating! I'm I going to feel this way always? And as for my new boyfriend, I don't trust him! Is this normal?

Sammie66
Jul 24, 2008, 09:50 AM
Wait wait wait!

I did this to my girlfriend 3 times and I loved her to bits. I got terrified of committing myself and I still don't know why. My only reason is because she never told me when she was upset and what she wanted to do. If he comes back give it a chance, but put your foot down. I wanted that so much from my ex but in the end she ran away. I'm not a dirtbag and it was never about anyone else. I just got scared. Terrified of meeting her parents because I had dumped her before.

In fact, he does sound like a jerk. I never thought about another girl and if I had I wouldn't have ran back to my ex.

Romefalls19
Jul 24, 2008, 09:52 AM
Obviously you have jumped into relationships way too early! You have had 2 relationships in 8 months after a serious commitment. You jump right back into a relationship and you haven't healed from your original one, isn't that apparent at all? You are doing nothing but setting yourself up for a failed relationship. It is also delaying the mourning and then when this relationship ends, you will be hit with the sadness of all 3, not exactly the best thing.

talaniman
Jul 24, 2008, 10:08 AM
Mon3yca15, well, it's been a long while already and I'm now in a new relationship with another guy...
Its only been 8 months, after a 5 year relationship..


But I sometimes think of my EX... I don't feel the same way anymore but I do think about him sometimes and I wonder if I made the right decision...
Your getting there, but have a ways to go.


It's frustrating! I'm I going to feel this way always?
No, and be patient, it takes time.


And as for my new boyfriend, I don't trust him! Is this normal?
Your healing is incomplete and the last thing you need is a new relationship.