Advice needed Please

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2 1/2 years ago a co-worker set me up with this Gal at work, she works in a different part of the building and I rarely see her, she is 43 now and I am 47, she is a person who believes very strongly in her Catholic faith.
Well we started seeing each other, (my girl is from Vietnam, been is the US for the last 15 years) when I first met her 2 1/2 years ago she was living with a guy named Jeff, and she said they were just Friends, she had met him at church when she was going through depression because her dad died and was feeling bad because she broke up with her boyfriend William, she moved in with William when she left her husband (more on Will later)

She said Jeff was there for her when she was in the hosiptal for a week because of her depression, then he went through depression because things were getting nasty with his ex wife and kids, so she moved in with him to help him get through his bad time because he had helped her.

She said she liked him at first but her feelings went away, and then he started having feelings for her but she said she did not feel the same way for him anymore, she told me this (because I pushed it ) before he asked her to go to Mexico with him and his 2 sons, she told me he was taking her to thank her for helping him through his bad time and that he was paying for it using his world perks and that is why she went, so it was like it was free, I was not happy about it but I trusted her, she had her own room she said.

After knowing her for a year she moved out from Jeff and got her own place, after going out a few times we became physical, and I found out when she drinks she becomes very easy, not to say she was drunk all the time when we were physical but most of the time, and that was a concern. And the physical stuff she liked very much.

After a few months I thought things were going pretty good, but she always said "we are not dateing" because of her not having a anulment, which was weird because we were sleeping together, going on trips, doing things with my Mom and Dad, I would call that dateing.

She always said she was waiting to hear back from the church about the anulment, well after a year I asked her why is it taking so long and she confessed she never followed up with more paperwork to get it going in the past and so it was not happening, she said she was afraid to go back and have to give details as to why her marriage failed, she cried when she told me this, I was upset, but she was not yet ready to get it going again.

During most of our time together she would become depressed at times when we had sex because it was wrong because it was against God, I understand how she felt, the sex did not help us. But it would happen at times. She told me she was very physically attracted to me many times.

I thought things were going good at times and at other times not sure, she would email me a lot and we would talk on the phone every day, at times she said she missed me, and there were times she would almost vanish for a few days, but twice during our 2 1/2 years together she told me her feelings were not as strong as mine and did not know if they would ever be and that maybe I should not wait for her, I told her she was worth the wait and so we kept seeing each other.

Well this May she told me she had to let me go, I was very hurt, but she always wanted to be my friend, I know how important her faith is and she had told me at times she was thinking of being a Nun.

In early June she sent me a email saying " the men that want me dont thank God for having me and that I am ahead of them in my faith", that made me feel good, but thought who are these men ?

I found out that Jeff had asked her to marry him in June and that if she did not he had a mail order bride he was going to marry, and my source told me she turned him down, I also learned he asked her to marry him about 6 months after I met her, I still don't think there was anything going on with him after she met me, but maybe, they did a lot of things together and I never did feel good about that, but she had always said they were just friends, now I think there was something between them physical at least before I met her.

This Aug she told me that she was back with William, she had told me he had been after her for awhile, a year ago she met him and some of their friends and he said he loved her and wanted to marry her, she told me her feelings were gone. But now she could not hold the feelings back and she feels he is the only one she could ever love in the last 6 years, she said she tried with me but could not get the stronger feelings.

She lived with him for 2 years 4 years ago and said she left him because he did not believe in God and she was not living the way she should, and that he had a drinking problem that was very bad and that he verblly abused her, so she left him.

She says he has now changed and they love each other very much and he is back with God, they both had issues before she said and they were putting that behind them, he is 55 and a collage professor, 12 years older than her.

Well a few weeks ago she called my place one night and I was not home and she did not leave a message (she was on the caller ID) then she called my friend at his work and told him she is engaged, but their was something wrong and asked that if William could get on the phone and explain, well William said the was on the board of directors at the school and now that she was going to marry him the union officials were looking into her cell phone records and there were many late night calls to my house and my friends work, and he did not want any type of Bill Clinton scandal, so they needed to find out what these numbers were, my friend told him who he was and then told him that my number he asked about was were he lived and William was happy with those answers, But I live there too, I wish my friend would have told him who I was, oh well, I am thinking if I was home when she called she would have hung up, I don't think she would have put him on the phone with me, nobody I have told this story believes it, it sounds like he does not have much trust and that he went though her calls.

I also found out that she has moved in with him, I don't know why she is in such a hurry, I think she should wait to see if he has really changed.

I saw her leaving work a few weeks ago and she was walking so slow to her truck, she looked bummed, she emails my friend and says she needs allot of prayer and that she is back in the church chior, but she will not be able to sing all the time because William wants her with him, but my friend said she seems happy.

I have not talked to her in a month and yesterday ran into her when we were both leaving work, she was happy to see me and gave me a big smile and we just had small talk, I said I have not heard from you and she said she has not heard from me, after talking for 10 mn she had to go and said "talk to you later".

I am surprised that she is so far in with this guy knowing how guilty she was about being physical with me and now she is living with the guy.

I love her very much and she knows I wanted to marry her, and I told her 6 weeks ago that if she ever needed anything or a friend she can call me anytime. She has brought so many good things into my life and I have never been so I love before, she is a very special women, she has such a big heart and cares allot about people, she loves my parents and they miss her very much. I am thinking she will contact them again some day. Sometimes she would only go out if they came with, I think part of it was she did not trust herself being alone with be because we would maybe end up having sex. I treated her very good when I was with her, when she left she said my love for her is so pure that she wishes I did not love her so much because I am hurting so bad.

Bottom line is I love her so much and I understand she has to follow her heart and see if it can work out with William. A friend who is a couples consoler told me if I ever want a chance to be with her again, she would have to break up with William (which he thinks will happen,) and she will need a friend then and maybe she will look at me in a different light if I can be that friend, but I thought right now maybe I could be a email friend if I can leave my feelings out of it, he says I am not ready for that, but I think I could. I know I have to move on and make myself better and I have been doing that, should I leave her alone as in No contact ? Do you think she will be happy with William, having 3 guys want to marry her on such a short time must have been a lot to deal with, what do you think about all this ?



I think I just need to walk away and if she comes back some day and I am there then maybe, Can someone get stronger feelings later on ? I know she is going to be in touch with my friend and he said she will not forget me if she needs a friend and knows how to reach me, My friend is worried about what she is doing to, but he said he cannot tell her what he thinks, he only will if she asks, do you agree with that? He thinks that will push her away if he just comes out and says he does not agree with all she is doing

Some tell me to stay away and lf she comes back it will have to be on her own, and others say keep in touch because we will already be friends if she needs me.

I am thinking I cannot push her away by not doing anything, (and I know she is far away from me ) and can maybe do harm by emailing because my feelings will come out, I think I can control that, but most think I cannot, I knows she cares a great deal for me but she is not in love with me, maybe someday. Please tell me what you all think ?

DO what you feel is right, follow your heart. If its meant to be then its meant to be. You have to have faith. You gave a lot of information about yourself, and that takes a lot as well... Let her know that your always here as a "friend" if she ever need anything to talk or anything. Let her know that your don't want to push her into anything that she doesn't want but let her know that you will always be there even if she just needs to vent. Leave your feelings out of it but be caring. I hope I'm not confusing you. But I think you know what I'm talking about. Please keep me posted on this, and I hope everything works out for... Just keep your heart warm, and follow it!

DO what you feel is right, follow your heart. If its ment to be then its ment to be. You have to have faith. You gave alot of information about yourself, and that takes alot as well....Let her know that your always here as a "friend" if she ever need anything to talk or anything. let her know that your dont want to push her into anything that she doesnt want but let her know that you will always be there even if she just needs to vent. Leave your feelings out of it but be caring. I hope im not confusing you. But i think you know what im talking about. Please keep me posted on this, and i hope everything works out for....Just keep your heart warm, and follow it!

Thanks Foxy, I told her a few times that I will always be there if she needs a friend and that she can call me anytime, day or night, I think that was about 7 weeks ago, Do think she will remember that ? She is such a special woman and has helped so many, but it seems like she cannot help herself, when she walks into a room she lights it up. I am trying to have faith, but it is hard sometimes, I have not heard from her in a month, then the other day I ran into her leaving work, she gave me a big smile and was happy to see me, I said I was praying for her and she liked that and said she needed allot of prayer, I said there was something else I was praying for, but did not tell her, I think she knew what I meant, it was hard to see her drive away because she was going to the other guy, I think I need to not contact her though, do you agree Foxy ? Maybe she may think about me when times are not good and then wonder what I am up to, does this make sense ? I understand she has to follow her heart and see if it can work out with this guy, I am hopeing if the day comes that she needs a friend she will seek me, Myself and others just don't feel good about this guy she is with, What do you think about the guy she's with ? She is in touch with my best friend (I trust him ) she has been confiding in him and he said he will help me in any way he can if the time comes, they have the catholic bond between them and have talked allot on the phone the last few years. I am going to follow my heart, maybe if I can be a friend some day she could feel more for me, My only hope I guess. I love her so much and I want her to be happy, with or without me, that is what I want most, I hope not contacting her is the right thing to do, what do you think Foxy ?

DO what you feel is right, follow your heart. If its ment to be then its ment to be. You have to have faith. You gave alot of information about yourself, and that takes alot as well....Let her know that your always here as a "friend" if she ever need anything to talk or anything. let her know that your dont want to push her into anything that she doesnt want but let her know that you will always be there even if she just needs to vent. Leave your feelings out of it but be caring. I hope im not confusing you. But i think you know what im talking about. Please keep me posted on this, and i hope everything works out for....Just keep your heart warm, and follow it!


I feel bad she cannot confide in me, but my friend tells me she does because he does not love her and I do, and he promisies to help me with her if the chance comes, he does not think she is doing the right thing and is moving way to fast, but he says he cannot question her about it because he feels that could push her away from talking to him, but if she asks him what he thinks he said then he would tell her.

I think you are doing the right thing not contacting her, but a friendly e-mail everyone once in a while, doesn't hurt just to give her and outlet in case she needs you, because sometimes with people if they are having a ruff time with things there head gets clouded and can not think straight with who to call to talk to you know? I mean just a friendly e-mail saying "hey whats up just thinking about you and wondering how you are doing?" Don't be pushy telling her that you love her or anything like that you don't want to scare her away, just let her know that you there if she needs you. Things will work out weather its with her or not. If its meant to be then it will happen. Keep your head up and if you ever need someone to talk to let me know I just went through something a little similar.

I guess people have told me to leave her be, and maybe she will think of me on down times, how can she miss me if I am contacting her? Won't she maybe get curious as to what I have been up too ? But I have thought of sending her a nice prayer book I got that I know she would like and just saying something like " I thought you would like this book and want you to know I only want whats best for you and if you ever need a friend you can call me anytime, I will always be your friend, please remember that " how is that ? But I am still not sure if I should do it or not. And I would love to talk to you about this Foxy.

Well she sent me a good morning email the other day, Good Morning was in the subjcet line and the email was a nice prayer, she also sent it to a few other people. So I responed today and kept it kind of short and said it was nice visiting with her the other day and I am praying for her, I signed it "Your Friend", can anyone else comment on my ordel ?

I think that was very nice and I think the prayer book I dea would be a good idea, just something to know that you are thinking about her and that if she ever needed a friend you will always be here for her. Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner the only time I have a computer is at work, my home PC is broken right now. But I think that would be a good idea. Did she respond to your e-mail?

I think that was very nice and i think the prayer book i dea would be a good idea, just something to know that you are thinking about her and that if she ever needed a friend you will always be here for her. Sorry I didnt get back to you sooner the only time i have a computer is at work, my home PC is broken right now. But i think that would be a good idea. Did she respond to your e-mail?
No I just responded to it and I don't think she is here at work yet, Seeing she included me in a Good Morning email, I am going to send her the prayer book later this week along with a card saying I want what is best for her and that she can always contact me if she ever needs anything or just wants to talk, and remind her that she was my best friend and I will always be her friend and that I hope she never forgets that, does that sound Ok and is the best friend part OK or should I not say that

I think that is a good idea, because your not coming off to strong, and your not being to pushy. Just saying that you will always be there for her is a good thing. I think you are going in the right direction...

We just had a fire drill Foxy, and I ran into her coming in, I just walked by her and said a quick hello, she gave me a nice smile and said Hello, she looked so nice, looks like a new outfit, I sent her a email saying I did not visit because I did not want to keep her and said she looked really nice, was that too much for me to say ?

Foxy, she replied, "Thanks Allen, it was nice seeing You"

So reply and say it was nice seeing you as well, how are you doing? Just keep it short and sweet.

So reply back and say it was nice seeing you as well, how are you doing? just keep it short and sweet. I replyed and said just what you said, she replyed back with " I am doing good, Hows your day ? and I replyed "That's good, the day is OK, nice and quite :-)

Now I think I should just stop for now.

Keep it going as long as she does just like I said keep it short and sweet. Sound concerened, but not obsessed. Did you ask her how her day was going as well? That I think would be OK. But like I said keep the e-mails going as long as she does.

Keep it going as long as she does just like i said keep it short and sweet. Sound concerened, but not obsessed. Did you ask her how her day was going as well? That i think would be ok. But like i said keep the e-mails going as long as she does.
I asked her how she was and she said good, now I just got a email from her asking how my parents are.

Then answer her, see she is still interested. Then sense she ask you a question you can ask her one like " How are things going with her family and everything?" Things are going to work out for you I promise. Just keep your faith..

Then answer her, see she is still interested. Then sence she ask you a question you can ask her one like " How are things going with her family and everything?" Things are going to work out for you i promise. Just keep your faith..
I replyed, but I think she is really interested in them, they got along so good and I know she loves them very much, I guess I don't feel comfortable asking her to many questions, then maybe she will start telling me about her man. :-(

Then don't ask about her man. Just ask how she is doing in general. And who is "Them"? You just have to give it time. And like I said if it is meant to be then it will happen. If its not meant to be then you will know when the right time to move on is. Just because all of this is going on does not mean that you can not go out and have a good time for yourself still. I know you prob do not want to but you should get some of your buddies together and go out and have a night for yourself...

Read my quote and maybe you can get something out of it

Then dont ask about her man. Just ask how she is doing in general. And who is "Them"? You just have to give it time. And like i said if it is ment to be then it will happen. If its not ment to be then you will know when the right time to move on is. Just because all of this is going on does not mean that you can not go out and have a good time for yourself still. I know you prob do not want to but you should get some of your buddies together and go out and have a night for yourself...
Them is my parents, in few days I will be going away for 2 weeks so that will do me good, You are right I have to give this time, It will take a long time to play out I think, I know she would have to break up with him and then hopfully if that happens I will be there for her and maybe she will look at me in a different light if I can be just a friend and leave my feelings out of it, I know the chances of all this taking place may be slim, but I have to have faith

Now your talking right. And I think your 2 week trip will do you good. You need time to clear your head with everything. Keep your faith and never give up on what you want out of life, and always follow your heart. Just in a smart way which I think you already know.

Now your talking right. And i think your 2 week trip will do you good. You need time to clear your head with everything. Keep your faith and never give up on what you want out of life, and always follow your heart. Just in a smart way which i think you already know.
Thanks Foxy, I am working on my faith and I am not giving up on her. I am in no big hurry and they say the best things in life are worth waiting for, but there is nothing I can do about them, if they break up it will happen on its own, I cannot interfere, that would really push her away

You are so right about that one, I mean about not interfering with breaking them up, because if she found out then I don't think she would talk to you again, you have to let time take its course, and you know I was telling myself the same thing just last night (The best things in life are worth waiting for.) Me and my BF have been together for 14 months almost it was real rocky at times but he is the best man I have ever met. And I love him with all my heart and then some. Yet he has not told me that he loves me yet, because I think he is so scard of his feelings twards me because he was in a really bad relationship for a really long time. So I think he is scard to actually admit it. I know he does love him, I just want to hear him say it and do not want to pressure him in to it. You know what I mean? I have a good feeling that things are going to work out for you, you just have to give it time...

You are so right about that one, i mean about not interfering with breaking them up, because if she found out then i dont think she would talk to you again, you have to let time take its course, and you know i was telling myself the same thing just last night (The best things in life are worth waiting for.) Me and my BF have been together for 14 months almost it was real rocky at times but he is the best man i have ever met. And i love him with all my heart and then some. Yet he has not told me that he loves me yet, due to the fact that i think he is so scard of his feelings twards me because he was in a really bad relationship for a really long time. So i think he is scard to actually admit it. I know he does love him, i just want to hear him say it and do not want to pressure him in to it. You know what i mean? I have a good feeling that things are going to work out for you, you just have to give it time...
Thanks Foxy, I hope things work out for you. Just before she left work yesterday she sent me a Email asking me to send my dad her best regards, I told her he was having cataract surgery today, and she said she hoped I have a good night, so I guess that was nice, Foxy would you please answer these questions as to what you think ? I wonder why she has not told me she is engaged, my friend who she told a few weeks ago emailed her 2 weeks ago saying she should be the one to tell me (he did not tell her he told me) but she never answered that question, just talked about other stuff, is it because she does not want to hurt me ? Or maybe she is not 100% sure about it ? When I ran into her I did see she is not wearing a ring, but maybe that is because her Catholic faith does not allow a engagement until you have a anulment which takes about a year or more to get ( so I guess that is good) and also I have not let on that I know she is living with him, should I be quite that I know that ? And Foxy what do you think about this guy she is with ? My friend who is the coupels consoler says to me, just let it go and have a stronger faith that God will bring us together, and he really believes things between them will fall apart, he just says watch and see, they may even make it to marriage but it will not last, him and a few others have told me that he is not the guy for her and in the end that will come out, they keep telling me to let go and let God work and to have the faith.

Listen to your friends they have a good point. I don't think she told you that she was engaged because she is afraid to tell you because she still has feelings for you, and I think if she knows that you know that she is enganged then I thinks he will be afraid that you will give up, and not talk to her. Don't let on that you know, let her be the one to tell you about everything. I don't know much abuot this guy, just that she needs to make the decision about him. No one can make up her mind for her, just believe what your friend tells you to have faith in what you believe in, if its meant to be then god will make it happen.

Listen to your friends they have a good point. I dont think she told you that she was engaged because she is afraid to tell you because she still has feelings for you, and i think if she knows that you know that she is enganged then i thinks he will be afraid that you will give up, and not talk to her. Dont let on that you know, let her be the one to tell you about everything. I dont know much abuot this guy, just that she needs to make the decision about him. No one can make up her mind for her, just believe what your friend tells you to have faith in what you believe in, if its ment to be then god will make it happen.
Wow, so you think she really has feelings for me Foxy even though she's with another ? Is that what you mean Foxy ? When we were together it was like a yo yo, sometimes she would tell me she missed me, other times she was distant, one time she sent me a letter when I was out of town, she woke up at 2 am and wrote she was thinking about me and hoped I was safe and said she missed me, and signed it Love, that was 10 months ago, my best friend who she has talked to and emailed said he knows she cares about me very much. One thing I am not sure about, I have a few options. Option 1 my consoler would not approve of me sending her the prayer book, he would say I am interfering with Gods plan, so I have not told him I am thinking about doing that, Option 2, and my friend who is in touch with her says its OK if I send it anonymons. Option 3, I was going to send it with a little card just saying I just want what's best for her and I will always be her friend, but I have told her this in the past, for some reason I feel I need to again, but I am thinking she already knows, what should I do Foxy ?

Listen to your friends they have a good point. I dont think she told you that she was engaged because she is afraid to tell you because she still has feelings for you, and i think if she knows that you know that she is enganged then i thinks he will be afraid that you will give up, and not talk to her. Dont let on that you know, let her be the one to tell you about everything. I dont know much abuot this guy, just that she needs to make the decision about him. No one can make up her mind for her, just believe what your friend tells you to have faith in what you believe in, if its ment to be then god will make it happen.
P.S are you saying she may still be thinking about me for a future ?

I think you should send her the book, with the card saying "Seen this thought of you, just wanted you to know I was thinking about you, and if you ever need anything let me know? I will always be here if you need anything. That's what you should say to her...

She maybe

I think you should send her the book, with the card saying "Seen this thought of you, just wanted you to know i was thinking about you, and if you ever need anything let me know? I will always be here if you need anything. Thats what you should say to her.....
Thanks Foxy, I think I will send it and not tell anyone, I don't think it would be interfering with Gods plan, I will say what you said in a card, I will send with the book, will keep you posted, maybe she will email me today, but I will be silent unlesss she does

Kepp me posted and let me know how it goes with the book, I think it's a good idea. Good luck to you...

kepp me posted and let me know how it goes with the book, i think its a good idea. Good luck to you...
I will let you know, I am going to bring it to work tomorrow and send It interoffice mail, she will get it Monday, I will be out of town till Wednesday, so We shall see if I get a response, I guess If I don't it may not be bad don't you think ? It will make me feel better by doing it, and I cannot see how it can hurt anything, I hope not.

I don't think it will hurt, I think she will love it. Keep me posted. Good luck~

I dont think it will hurt, i think she will love it. Keep me posted. Good luck~
No emails from her today so far, now that I was emailing her yesterday I want more, I was hopeing she would ask how my dads surgery went, but I won't email her today, don't want to be to pushy, Not even sure she is at work today, I could look out the window and see if her truck is here, but I guess that should not matter where she is, so I won't look, I have to tell myself I am in this for the long haul and this may take some time.

Its going to take sometime. You can not be pushy, and if things do not work out the way you want them to, you can not get angery or anything like that. Don't freak out because she hasn't e-mailed you today, she might just be real busy, or she might not be at work today. Just relax, things will be fine

Its going to take sometime. You can not be pushy, and if things do not work out the way you want them to, you can not get angery or anything like that. Dont freak out because she hasnt e-mailed you today, she might just be real busy, or she might not be at work today. Just relax, things will be fine
I won't get angery, There is a feeling that I have that something down the road will result in me being with her again, IF my faith gets stronger, I believe this, thanks for all your input Foxy

I have mixed feelings on this whole thing. She is either one of those people who can't quite seem to find exactly what she is looking for and feels she is running out time or she truly is confused and not sure what to do about it.





Well she sent me a good morning email the other day, Good Morning was in the subjcet line and the email was a nice prayer, she also sent it to a few other people. so I responed today and kept it kind of short and said it was nice visiting with her the other day and I am praying for her, I signed it "Your Friend", can anyone else comment on my ordel ?

That is a good point

It almost seems like she wants to keep a couple men on the back burner "just in case" the one she is trying to make something with doesn't work out. I do find it very hard to believe though that this girl is as into her faith as you claim. I know quite a few men and women that are deeply spiritual and devoted catholics and would never even think about putting themselves into a situation where they would be tempted into pre marital sex. It almost sounds to me that yes she is catholic and believes what she believes and may even go to church every Sunday but the whole sex before marriage thing is not that important to her and so for fear of sounding like a slut, she makes sure you know how awful she feels about it. And she tries to make you think you the "only one" she did that with. If she gets a little loose and easy when drinking, I can assure you your not the only guy its happened with. If I am out of line please say so, but this is what my gut it telling me the minute I read your post.

It almost seems like she wants to keep a couple men on the back burner "just in case" the one she is trying to make something with doesnt work out. I do find it very hard to believe though that this girl is as into her faith as you claim. i know quite a few men and women that are deeply spiritual and devoted catholics and would never even think about putting themselves into a situation where they would be tempted into pre marital sex. It almost sounds to me that yes she is catholic and believes what she believes and may even go to church every sunday but the whole sex before marriage thing is not that important to her and so for fear of sounding like a slut, she makes sure you know how awful she feels about it. And she tries to make you think you the "only one" she did that with. If she gets a little loose and easy when drinking, I can assure you your not the only guy its happened with. If I am out of line please say so, but this is what my gut it telling me the minute I read your post.
No you are not out of line, yes it is strange about her faith and what she is doing, believe it or not, she used to go to the chapel and pray for many hours at least 3 to 4 times a week, and she had considered becoming a Nun

I hear you but for some reason after hearing her past and jumping from guy to guy and claiming its just friends almost sounds like a front to me. Reason being is maybe if her family knew exactly what she was doing and what she does, they would be very disappointed so therefore she always throws out the whole "its against my religion" line. I don't know all the provisions of becoming a nun but I thought you had to be a virgin. I know there are some religions that you can go threw some type of spiritual cleansing and numerous classes etc but I don't think the catholic religion is one of them. Anyway, I think your doing the right thing by just leaving her alone. I truly don't think she knows what she wants and is playing a very dangerous game by leading people to believe she is truly in love with them and making long term plans and then in a year or so changing her mind again. Keep in mind, she has done this once to this William guy already. She knows what he is all about, so why is she back with him? Only she knows why and the intentions do not sound good to me. There is already trouble because he is looking at her phone records etc, I think there is a lot that she isn't telling you. But that's part of her game, she only tells you what she thinks you need to hear or want to hear to keep you close in case things don't work out again with William or until someone else comes into the picture. It's a very dangerous game and all involved will be hurt if your not careful.

I hear ya but for some reason after hearing her past and jumping from guy to guy and claiming its just friends almost sounds like a front to me. Reason being is maybe if her family knew exactly what she was doing and what she does, they would be very disappointed so therefore she always throws out the whole "its against my religion" line. I dont know all the provisions of becoming a nun but I thought you had to be a virgin. I know there are some religions that you can go threw some type of spiritual cleansing and numerous classes etc but I dont think the catholic religion is one of them. Anyway, I think your doing the right thing by just leaving her alone. I truly dont think she knows what she wants and is playing a very dangerous game by leading people to believe she is truly in love with them and making long term plans and then in a year or so changing her mind again. Keep in mind, she has done this once to this William guy already. She knows what he is all about, so why is she back with him? Only she knows why and the intentions do not sound good to me. There is already trouble because he is looking at her phone records etc, I think there is a lot that she isnt telling you. But thats part of her game, she only tells you what she thinks you need to hear or want to hear to keep you close in case things dont work out again with William or until someone else comes into the picture. Its a very dangerous game and all involved will be hurt if your not careful.
Thanks for telling me what you think, I know she is always concerned about what people think and that's one reason why this is so weird, I know when she was living with this guy 4 years ago her family was very upset, I do think she has keep things from me, I am not sure why she's back with this guy, she says he's changed and they both had issues in the past and are moving on, I am thinking you agree she is going to be in a train wreak.

I most definetely agree she is headed for a wreck. The question is, when she crashes and comes running to you... are you going to welcome her with open arms?? I think that is your biggest dilemma.

I most definetely agree she is headed for a wreck. The question is, when she crashes and comes running to you......... are you going to welcome her with open arms????? I think that is your biggest dilemma.
Yes I think you are right, I do love her very much, and everyone I know thinks she is very special, she has such a big heart, she would help others when she could, did a lot of volunteer work at the nursing home too, but not any more, her guy wants her to spend as much time with him as she can, my 2 best friends say she is worth waiting for. But I cannot take her back having her only part time, she I think is very confused, its sad she has done so much for allot of people, it seems she cannot help herself.

I think you know what you have to do then.

I most definetely agree she is headed for a wreck. The question is, when she crashes and comes running to you......... are you going to welcome her with open arms????? I think that is your biggest dilemma.
I guess I will be there to be a friend if she needs one and it looks like we all agree she will maybe need a friend someday, I guess I will see when it happens, but I think it could be awhile

I think you know what you have to do then.

Should I not be there as a friend if she needs one ? Is that what you mean ?

BE a friend if she needs one. She seems extremely confused at the moment. Let her be and let her know if she ever needs someone to even talk to you'll be there for her.

BE a friend if she needs one. She seems extremely confused at the moment. Let her be and let her know if she ever needs someone to even talk to you'll be there for her.
That's my plan, I will put it in the card with the book and then I am not contacting her again. And I am thinking I will be hearing from her in the future, in the meantime I will be doing allot of praying

Yes and no, you have to be careful though

yes and no, you have to be careful though
As for being there when she comes back, is that what you mean ?

I am saying that you should be a friend but not get involved with her romantically again.

i am saying that you should be a friend but not get involved with her romantically again.
I see, I would only get involved if I was convinced she really wanted to be with me and that would take some time

I see, I would only get involved if I was convinced she really wanted to be with me and that would take some time
What has got me so confused is that she's planing to marry him and moved in with him after 6 or 7 weeks, why is she in such a hurry ?

Because she is confused and at the same time feeling that she is getting older and needs to settle down. Maybe her family doesn't see this guy for who he really is and accepts him and in her eyes that makes her look good.

because she is confused and at the same time feeling that she is getting older and needs to settle down. maybe her family doesnt see this guy for who he really is and accepts him and in her eyes that makes her look good.
Maybe, but I know her family would not like her living with him not being married

That's my point, that's why she is telling everyone that they are planning on marrying because she knows that's the only way it will be acceptable. She need to stop playing a victim and take control of her life and figure out what she wants. You mark my words, in 6 or 7 months she is going to be calling you crying about how William turned out to be the same way he was and now she is all alone and should have never trusted him blah blah blah... and in her eyes she will be OK with her family because they were "planning to get married" and he turned into a jerk and it didn't work so its not her fault. Do you see the pattern here??

thats my point, thats why she is telling everyone that they are planning on marrying because she knows thats the only way it will be acceptable. she need to stop playing a victim and take control of her life and figure out what she wants. You mark my words, in 6 or 7 months she is going to be calling you crying about how William turned out to be the same way he was and now she is all alone and should have never trusted him blah blah blah.... and in her eyes she will be ok with her family becuse they were "planning to get married" and he turned into a jerk and it didnt work so its not her fault. Do you see the pattern here????
Yes I do see a pattern, I hope I am strong enough to not take her back if she is messed up as I think she will be, but she would also have to get stronger feelings for me, she needs to be on her own, 6 to 7 months ? We will have to keep in touch to watch this play out

thats my point, thats why she is telling everyone that they are planning on marrying because she knows thats the only way it will be acceptable. she need to stop playing a victim and take control of her life and figure out what she wants. You mark my words, in 6 or 7 months she is going to be calling you crying about how William turned out to be the same way he was and now she is all alone and should have never trusted him blah blah blah.... and in her eyes she will be ok with her family becuse they were "planning to get married" and he turned into a jerk and it didnt work so its not her fault. Do you see the pattern here????
But I do know a few people who know her including me, and she has said nothing about being engaged.

thats my point, thats why she is telling everyone that they are planning on marrying because she knows thats the only way it will be acceptable. she need to stop playing a victim and take control of her life and figure out what she wants. You mark my words, in 6 or 7 months she is going to be calling you crying about how William turned out to be the same way he was and now she is all alone and should have never trusted him blah blah blah.... and in her eyes she will be ok with her family becuse they were "planning to get married" and he turned into a jerk and it didnt work so its not her fault. Do you see the pattern here????
But I do think you are right

Yes most definetely keep me informed, I am interested to see what she does next.

Well I am sending her the prayer book, in it I said if she ever needs anything anytime to call me and I would be there for her. She should get it Monday and I will be on vacaton for 2 weeks, I will not contact her again unless she contacts me, My consoler said the sooner I let go of this and have faith the sooner something good will happen and he said it could be her, but he said I have to have faith, I believe this, I will wait and see what happens, I think Kanicky and Foxy you are right I am going to be hearing from her in the future when it comes crashing down, I will keep you all posted.

I agree with your counselor and you should really listen. As long as you have feelings of being with her, you cannot be her friend. I think it so unhealthy you would hold out hope that she will bust up with her current b/f and then you will be there. What a tremendous waste of time putting your life on hold for maybe, or what if. Stop contacting this female, and let it go, and focus on being happy in your own life without her period. This situation is to unhealthy and you must remove yourself, and move on. Your heart is giving you FALSE hope and has you stuck so get healthy and see this situation for what it is. You are just another option for this female, and need to get your own life in order. She is unavailable for what you want and so should you be because if she felt as you do she wouldn't be living with another man would she? She has told you how she feels, and its you who refuse to accept it, and let this whole unhealthy thing go.

I agree with your counselor and you should really listen. As long as you have feelings of being with her, you cannot be her friend. I think it so unhealthy you would hold out hope that she will bust up with her current b/f and then you will be there. What a tremendous waste of time putting your life on hold for maybe, or what if. Stop contacting this female, and let it go, and focus on being happy in your own life without her period. This situation is to unhealthy and you must remove yourself, and move on. Your heart is giving you FALSE hope and has you stuck so get healthy and see this situation for what it is. You are just another option for this female, and need to get your own life in order. She is unavailable for what you want and so should you be because if she felt as you do she wouldn't be living with another man would she? She has told you how she feels, and its you who refuse to accept it, and let this whole unhealthy thing go.
I do accept how she is feeling and the current status of her life, but you are right I have to get my life back, and if she comes back I will deal with it, if not so be it. There is nothing wrong with hope, so I don't agree with that, I am looking to my faith to get me out of this rut and it will.

there is nothing wrong with hope, so I don't agree with that, I am looking to my faith to get me out of this rut and it will.
Your holding false hope and has nothing to do with faith, but a lot to do with denial.

Your holding false hope and has nothing to do with faith, but a lot to do with denial.
Could be some truth to that, but you know anything could happen

Your holding false hope and has nothing to do with faith, but a lot to do with denial.
And I would have to disagree with you but it has allot to do with faith.

Just got back from a few days hiking trip, well she sent me a email after she got the prayer book, I had enclosed with it that I would be praying for her when I am in Colorado in a few days, this was her response.
Thanks for the last sharing you sent to me. That sounds so fun and holy
Trip you are going to make.
I know God is with you since you asked & seek. And thank you so much for
Praying for me. I really appreciate that.

Have a nice trip & God bless you always,

I sent back a reply (maybe I should not have) just saying your welcome and I told her about my hiking trip and she was in my prayers, no response back.

Well I just got back from my vacation in Colorado and it was very nice, While I was gone she sent me and some others a prayer email, so I guess she was thinking of me, but I did not reply, I did a lot of soul searching and praying on my trip, My feelings are still the same, I love her very much, as I have said there are 2 people who know both of us and they have told me she is worth waiting for, You would have to know her but she is really that special of a person, I think Foxy you understand were I am coming from and Maybe Kanicky too, but I am sure most will think I am a fool for waiting, yesterday I was very down, some of my friends don't think the person she is with is the guy for her, but It may be awhile before things go bad for them, so I guess I would be waiting for I don't know how long, I have no interest in others, my heart would not be in it, so I guess I am hopeing my faith grows stronger and helps me through this and maybe someday she will need me as a friend and then who knows, some who know us say she will turn to me, She knows I would be there if she ever needed anything, but I will never tell her that I am waiting for her, I don't think that would be good. In the meantime I have to get myself back and I am having a hard time with that. I know a lot would have to happen for her to come back, but I am trying to have the faith that will happen, I will not be contacting her anymore unless she contacts me and asks me something. I have to leave her alone. I have always felt that something's in life are worth waiting for and she is, so I have to take that chance. I am going with my heart. I don't think I am making a mistake, I have to see what will happen.

She called me last night from a pay phone by her church after she went to choir practice, asked how I was and how my parents were, then asked me if I had called her cell phone late last night, I told her no, the reason she said is her Boyfriend lost his cell phone and now has hers, she said the call said "Private", which sometimes came up that way when I called her in the past so she thought it might be me. She said the boyfriend was kind of upset about who it could have been. Then she told me he would have her cell phone from now on and that she would be getting a new one so as not to call that number anymore, (which I have not in about 2 months) she said she would have to talk to him about it when she flys out of town tomorrow to see him, he is out of town for work she told me, a few things I find odd about this, first I know she was only 5 min away from the boyfriends place, so why did she call from a payphone ? She does not know I know she is living with him, and don't you think its odd that he is keeping her cell and not getting a new cell himself and not her ?

I don't think you have false hope but I do think your "waiting" the wrong way. Here is my reason why I think that. How do you know she is living with her boyfreind? When you talk to other people who know here I am willing to bet you ask questions about her. If you do, stop it. Stop driving by (unless you have to to get somewhere). When you see her calling you, don't answer. Let it go to voicemail. Then check your messages, see what she has to say. If its nothing that warrants a call back from you, then don't call her back. If you run into her you simply say, oh I'm sorry I meant to call, just been really busy. Your doing your waiting all wrong. Having faith means you can completely walk away from her and not think about her, talk to her, nothing but in your heart know that she will be back to you in time. Hold strong.

i dont think you have false hope but i do think your "waiting" the wrong way. here is my reason why i think that. How do you know she is living with her boyfreind? when you talk to other people who know here i am willing to bet you ask questions about her. if you do, stop it. stop driving by (unless you have to to get somewhere). When you see her calling you, dont answer. let it go to voicemail. then check your messages, see what she has to say. if its nothing that warrants a call back from you, then dont call her back. if you run into her you simply say, oh im sorry i meant to call, just been really busy. your doing your waiting all wrong. having faith means you can completely walk away from her and not think about her, talk to her, nothing but in your heart know that she will be back to you in time. hold strong.
I did drive by his place awhile back and her truck was there early one morning, and I used to drive by her place and her truck was never there any more, and in the parking lot at work I walked by it a few times in a months time and saw it was full of stuff, a sign of her slowly moving, so I am pretty sure about that, you would have to agree with what I have seen, but you are right in my waiting for wrong way, and believe it or not I have got better but have a ways to go, this morning she sent me a message here at working saying Good Morning was I able to sleep well, I responded back It took awhile to fall asleep and that it was OK she called, and I said she could call anytime because that's what friends are for, hope that was not wrong to do, But I am leaving her alone, Kanicky you are so right on having faith and leaving it alone, I think if I can do that and work on myself she will come back into my life, hopfully a better person and for good, thank again for your wise words Kanicky

Your very welcome. I truly hope things work out for you. In the meantime just be strong and find things to do that keep you busy. And as always, keep us posted. ;-)

your very welcome. i truly hope things work out for you. in the meantime just be strong and find things to do that keep you busy. And as always, keep us posted. ;-) I believe I will be with her again someday and that will happen if I let go more and have faith like you said, she is really worth it, but I think this will take some time, I am going on vacation in a few days for 3 weeks, I hope that will do me some good, thank you again kanicky, I will keep you posted

Have fun, and free your mind of her during your vacation.

Well I have been out of town for a few weeks on a hunting trip, I am feeling a bit better, when I was gone she sent me some more emails, prayers and jokes etc, but I noticed now she blind carbon copies me with her emails, why would she do that ? Anyhow she surprised me yesterday and sent me a good morning and happy Thanksgiving message, very chatty, she has not been that way for a long time she asked me questions about my hunting trip, then she asks me if I am still going to the gym, then she said she has a Christmas present she got on sale in the spring for my Mom and she wants to give it to her, I was nice and responded but did not ask her anything, a friend of mine said she misses me that's why all the questions, I am still planning on keeping a low profile and doing NC. If she contacts me I will be nice, but that's it.

Today she sends me a sametime message at work and asks how I am doing, I reply Ok, a few mn later she replys back, I am good, I thought I did not ask her how she was, but was going too, not quick enough I guess. Then she tell me about a band that is in town that I like, I ask how she knows they are playing here and she responds, 'Why do you care how I while you don't care how I'm doing when I asked you how are you? What a nice courtesy.' I then reply that I had meant to ask how she was. She replyed with 'That s OK, I know you very well that way. Well, I just thought that you might want to see how they play. That 's all. Thanks for the reply!' does this mean anything ?

I was in a very abusive relationship before and from the sounds of it she may have fallen back into one. There isn't much you can do except be there for her. If William is abusing her again then you pushing yourself on her or expressing your feelings could make things worse. She will leave William when she is ready. I think you should remain her friend. You should let her know you are there for her and if she needs a shoulder to cry on you will be there. But only if you can honestly handel it. Watching her pain, wanting to sweep her up and away from all of it will tear you apart if you let it. Be her friend but don't let you life pass by while you are waiting for her.

I was in a very abusive realtionship before and from the sounds of it she may have fallen back into one. There isnt much you can do except be there for her. If William is abusing her again then you pushing yourself on her or expressing your feelings could make things worse. She will leave William when she is ready. I think you should remain her friend. You should let her know you are there for her and if she needs a shoulder to cry on you will be there. But only if you can honestly handel it. Watching her pain, wanting to sweep her up and away from all of it will tear you apart if you let it. Be her friend but dont let you life pass by while you are waiting for her.
Thanks for your input, but I don't think I can be a friend now because of how I feel, I think I could end up in the "Friendzone" as they say.