I've been messing with a married guy for the last 3 yrs... and even though I know he's married I love him and I believe he loves me... I put up with his crap, but he doesn't want me to date/talk to another man even though he's married and lives with his wife... I tried to leave him a few times, but he ends up buying me back... why is he so selfish? Why can't I have someone on the side too? How do I leave him for good?

He ends up buying you back? Are you serious? I'm sorry I'm trying very hard to not judge you right now but it sounds as if you have no backbone.

Of course this guy is selfish he is married and cheating on his wife with you. He doesn't want you to see anyone else because he is selfish.

How do you leave him? You decide that you can't be bought. You decide that you might actually love yourself just a little bit more then him. You grow a backbone and decide that you are worth more then being someone's whore.

Why is he so selfish? -----> He is having his cake and eating it too.

Get out of this relationship as fast a you can! I am surprised that you have tolerated it for as long as you have. You are filling yourself up with false promises the longer you stay in this situation. He clearly has no desire to leave what he has for you, you are better than that!

The hardest thing for you to do is go "cold turkey" immediately... walk away and NEVER look back. He can chase you or even try to "buy" you back again... ignore him. He will not give you that big of a fight. He has a lot to lose here...

Spend your time healing and improving yourself... you will eventually forget about this... also never go into a situation where you are "the other person" it never works out, EVER!

I've been messing with a married guy for the last 3 yrs...and even tho i know he's married i love him and i believe he loves me...i put up with his crap, but he doesn't want me to date/talk to another man even tho he's married and lives with his wife...i tried to leave him a few times, but he ends up buying me back....why is he so selfish? why can't i have someone on the side too? how do i leave him for good?
Why is he so selfish? - Because you have given him license to be. He can have his cake and eat it too.
How do you leave him for good? - Start caring about yourself, realize that you are messing with some body's husband and you are wasting yourself with a man who is basically buying you. Get some self esteem. Karma is a "B" so you'd better be real careful.
When you get tired of being a paid piece of tail, a booty call, you will leave.
Girl if that man loved you, he would leave you alone so you could have a healthy relationship. He he loved you, he would be yours. Love has nothing to do with this. You are being used. Do you want to spend the rest of life being the other woman , with a man that belongs to someone else?

Wow. You discust me. Women like you discust me. Don't you know that he gets it from you but he will always be going back to her. She is his comfort zone, and his love lies with her. Get over it, you're his, but he will never be yours.

I am not mad at you leiden... thats real talk and a real eye opener... I want to leave him, and I have before, but he always seem to get me back... I feel bad for his wife and son often... he cries for me not to leave him... and I fall for it over and over again... he's much older than me, and that's an advantage for him... he's 24ys older than me...

But you realize its all manipulation though right? Its part of the married man/mistress game for him to beg the mistress to leave to end his pain of loving her and his wife and being torn or whatever the lame statement is.

This man is sucking your freedom. This man is preventing you from getting healthy and getting into a healthy relationship.

Cut out contact with him. Change your phone number. Move. Do whatever it takes.

In my opinion women who get wrapped up in affairs have some very serious self-esteem, boundary, self-worth and intimacy issues. In order to insure that once you leave this guy you stay away and don't get wrapped up in another affair you need to seek some professional counseling.

EDIT

Do you think this is all you deserve? Some pathetic scraps of love and attention? Do you have any love for yourself at all?

You're emotions about the situation don't help the situation until you act on them.

I hope he is paying plenty of money, I am not sure what the going rate is for the local hookers but you need to be sure he is paying up enough for his romp in the park with you.

Oh my god this guy really knows how to play with your emotions, he has your sympathy on his family. He is only out for a "good time", he has no real emotional attachment to you or even any long term plans for that matter. You need do walk away from this as fast as you can, before you destroy yourself even more. You are losing pieces of who you really are as you go... stop the pain NOW!

That's so mean fr... I need advice on leaving and your insulting me... I didn't know he was maried until four months of dating him... it was to late... we had already slept together and I had strong feelings for him at that point...

But kaharie you stayed 2 years and 8 months after you found out he was married. You can leave at any time the only thing that is stopping you from leaving is you. You are completely in your own way in this situation. If you really wanted to be done with him you would be.

Change your phone number. If he shows up at your house don't answer. If he keeps it up call the cops and get a nuisance order. Move.

You need to decide that you actually love yourself and reclaim your life and kick this guy far, far away from your life

i've been messing with a married guy for the last 3 yrs...and even tho i know he's married i love him and i believe he loves me...i put up wih his crap, but he doesn't want me to date/talk to another man even tho he's married and lives with his wife...i tried to leave him a few times, but he ends up buying me back....why is he so selfish? why can't i have someone on the side too? how do i leave him for good?
I have one word for you sister "FLOORMAT". The only reason I say this is because that is what you are doing/becoming. You should have more respect for yourself, then others will follow suit. Don't waste your time, by giving all your time to one person who isn't going to devote it all to you. Don't be dumb-you deserve better!

Yes I do Glinda... it's deeper than you all know... feel trapped... I feel he needs me and if I leave him its not going to be good for me... he tells me if he finds out I've been with anoher man he 's going to "F" me up!. I really want OUT but I don't know where to start

i am not mad at you leiden....thats real talk and a real eye opener....i want to leave him, and i have b4, but he always seem to get me back....i feel bad for his wife and son often...he cries for me not to leave him...and i fall for it over and over again....he's much older than me, and thats an advantage for him....he's 24ys older than me....
Don't feel bad for his wife and son, they have him. He is and older guy, old enough to be your father and he is manipulating and using you. He has you so dependent you can see your way without him.
You better start ignoring those tears and care more for yourself than he does. He knows if you leave ,his young piece will be gone and he likely won't be able get another. He will use you until he uses you up. You are wasting your youth on this old fart and he is treating you like a prostitue, a call girl.

yes i do Glinda...it's deeper than u all know.... feel trapped...i feel he needs me and if i leave him its not going to be good for me...he tells me if he finds out i've been with anoher man he 's going to "F" me up!!....i really want OUT but i dont know where to start
Oh well see, this man does not love you. He does not need you, he thinks he owns you. This is all about ego. You need to just walk away. If he approaches you, you get and Order Of Protection against him.

Don't let him play your heart strings... if he had true emotions and respect... he would not be fooling around on his wife. Sweetie, he doesn't love you. You are a conveinence for him. If you weren't there, he'd find someone else... and quite frankly you deserve better. You deserve the opportunity to be in a real relationship and not just a fling. Give yourself the chance to be truly happy... leave him. He is not good for you, nor will he ever be. Relocate if you need to for a fresh start, but leave him... for good.

yes i do Glinda...it's deeper than u all know.... feel trapped...i feel he needs me and if i leave him its not going to be good for me...he tells me if he finds out i've been with anoher man he 's going to "F" me up!!....i really want OUT but i dont know where to start

Then go to your local police station and tell them that this man is threatening you and want to a restraining order against him.

Then you call the phone company and change your phone number and make it unlisted.

You are only in as deep as you want to be. You should've left when you found out he was married but that is moot.

His threats are more then likely empty and an attempt to keep you docile.

Why not call his wife? Tell her everything that has been going on. Tell her how he is abusing you (which is he doing verbally) and you have been trying to leave him and he won't let you and you don't know what to do.

You have options BUT you are cutting yourself off at the knees.

I have a question... why are you so drawn to this older man? Does the age intrigue you? Does he remind you of your father? Why are you so drawn to him?

Your right Glinda...

Kaharie, You have a "trump card" here... tell his wife everything. I would suggest doing what Glinda wrote about first. He has you so wrapped around his finger... you have given him all of your control and power. It's time you start getting it back!

It sounds to me as if this man has beaten you down mentally and verbally to the point where you fear to leave and feel it is impossible.

Why don't you call the National Domestic Violence hotline and get help in planning your escape

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) - Break the silence, make the call. (http://www.ndvh.org/)

You can get a protection order with the threat he gave you about "f" you up... the wife thing might be a good option. However, don't let him know that you are going to do it... don't use it as a threat. Also, have you considered relocating... it may give you an additional element of safety. Also, if you are telling the wife... be prepared that she may not believe you. You might want some additional proof. Also, I would probably be in a different city, calling from a blocked number before I called the wife... especially with the threat he made.

Star... he lied about his age... he told he was 38when we met... then I found out he was really 49... he doesn't look his age... matter of fact he's really sexy to be 52... great body... tall dark and really handsome

star...he lied about his age...he told he was 38when we met...then i found out he was really 49...he doesn't look his age...matter of fact he's really sexy to be 52...great body...tall dark and really handsome

And he is also a cheater, a liar, a manipulator, an abuser. Wow what a great catch. Sounds really sexy to me.

So what are you going to do here kaharie? Keep thinking about a dreamy user this guy is or recognize that is a filthy, disgusting human being and get rid of him?

I wouldn't talk to his wife, that might really set him off. And if you have been with hin that long, I'll bet she knows. At any rate, go to the police. Get an order of protection against him and just leave. Has he been physically abusive to you before?
Call that hot line Glenda gave you.

Do you have any family or friends you can get support from in this situation or has this guy alienated you from everyone in your life?

Confused... thank you so much... your words are so incouranging... I am glad you guys aren't beating me down over this, because I really need the help and advice

Well I hope you seek and find the help you need. It's time you took your life back.
I wish you the best

Please call the hotline. They will provide so much help. They will help you plan an escape route and help you get out of this. I believe the helpline is open all day every day. Please don't delay calling.

Do you have any friends or family that can help you through this... or are you afraid to talk to them about it? We are here to support you... but with this type of situation, having some non-virtual friends could be good too.

No he hasn't been abursive except in the bed... he's into that whole submission thing... Glenda I am going to find the strength to leave him soon... it's an addiction on my behalf and now that I can say it I can begin to move on

Your so very welcome... we are all here to help...

Do you have family or friends that you could stay with for a while? Far away?

You need to break free from him, your relationship started under false pretenses and lies. It may have been fun at first with no obligation from either side, but in the end someone gets hurt... it was you. I'm sure you are a good person, everyone is. Wake up and experience life the way you were meant to... under your own terms. Believe me you will be asking yourself "why didn't I do this sooner". You only get one chance... don't waste anymore time on this guy...

My friends and family never approved of our relationship and I don't really want to hear the "toldyou so's"

no he hasn't been abursive except in the bed.... he's into that whole submission thing.....Glenda i am going to find the strenght to leave him soon.....it's an addiction on my behalf and now that i can say it i can begin to move on

But he has been abusive. Verbally and emotionally and mentally. Tell you if you leave he will f yo up is verbal abuse. Manipulating you is emotional abuse. This is how this starts. It will snowball. I fear that as he feels you starting to slip from his grasp he may escalate. Please start to figure out what to do.

Do you have family or friends who live in another town? Any way you could get away for a few days and plan your escape from him?

I'm glad you can admit that this guy is an addiction. So you need to detox and get this guy out of your system. You will be surprised how much strength you will be able to pull from inside of you when the moment calls for it. As you plan out what to do and initiate each step your strength will grow and you will just keep going. You can do this. You need to do this. This guy is terrible. I can only imagine what he puts his poor wife and child through.

my friends and family never approved of our relationship and i dont really want to hear the "toldyou so's"

Would you rather hear I told you so now or when you're in the hospital from him beating the heck out of you.

Pride is not needed in this situation. You need help and support from those closest to you. Tell them you know they were right but gloating will not help you and that's what you need - help.

Your going to have to hear the whole "I told you so's" sooner or later. It's time now to swallow your pride, admit to your mistake and start with a new beginning. No matter what happens or how you are judged... you family will ALWAYS be there for you. That will never change... who knows they may have been preparing themselves for this exact circumstance already. You can do it, you know you can...

Okay the whole submission in bed thing means that that is what he is not getting at home. It usually means that he feels inferior to his wife... she may be a high professional, etc. I know it is tough to face the possible I told you so... but your safety is in danger here. I know you don't think so, but with what he has said it is. I can bet that if your family knew what he said, they would rather you come to them then end up in a body bag. Please sweetie call that number of the hotline. You are in a very dangerous situation.

Oh and the whole wanting you to be submissive means that he desparately wants to gain power of something... you. He will do and say anything to get what he wants. You MUST get out NOW!

Thanks so much guys... on my way to a better me! Taking the trash out... and not looking back

I'm sending you a million streams of positive energy. I know you can get through this!

Again I want to tell you I'm proud of you for making your first steps. I know its hard and I hope you feel really good about yourself right now.

Glinda I am so happy now... I feel blessed to have someone NOT beat me down over this... you are a really good person and your encouragement makes me really feel like standing my ground... thank you so much

I'm going to cry. That is so sweet. I'm so happy that you have found a way out of this. Nothing in this world makes me angrier then a man thinking he can control a woman. Sometimes its hard to get out but once yo found your way out you will experience so much more joy in your life.

You are in my thoughts sweetie. I know this is tough, but it is an investment in your new future that only you control. Good luck sweetie. Hold your head high!!

Grow a set and tell him to get lost, for good. Change your phone number if you have to.

Glinda help!! He called 14 times... he's really upset... crying on my voice mail... he said if I didn't call him by noon tomorrow, he's coming by to make sure everything is all right... I can't see him right now... what am I going to do?

I know you didn't ask me, but can you text him telling him to stay away?

I don't want to make any contact with him right now... not that strong yet... he will say something... do something... then I am back in his tramp... he's calling right now!

Well don't answer. You be strong. We're pulling for you.
Did you conact that hotline?

Turn your phone off.

He's calling my moms house looking for me... she said he's called three times until she answered... and he's crying to her now... bunch of bull! I am going to call the hotline tomorrow morning... I want him to leave me alone... I want to go on with my life

K,

You were a victim. But by not doing anything, you are an enabler. You are part of the problem. You have a choice:

You can continue to have the affair.
You can try to break things off secretly and sweep your affair under the rug.
You can tell him to break things off with his wife if he wants to be with you.
You can come clean by confessing everything to his wife so everybody can move on.


Think about it: Which is the un-selfish decision for you??

BTW: You are not married to this guy, or to his wife. They are married to each other. The quality of their marriage, and their ability to reconcile is their issue. They said vows to each other sealing that deal. Do not allow yourself to feel any guilt if you choose to tell her everything.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Rusty

he's calling my moms house looking for me...she said he's called three times until she answered....and he's crying to her now... bunch of bull!! i am going to call the hotline tomorrow morning...i want him to leave me alone...i want to go on with my life
Yeah you do that. Leve him alone. Don't let him drag you down anymore. Hang in there.

he's calling my moms house looking for me...she said he's called three times until she answered....and he's crying to her now... bunch of bull!! i am going to call the hotline tomorrow morning...i want him to leave me alone...i want to go on with my life

This guy is a creep!! If he is crying now to your mother as well he will stoop to anything to keep his play thing. When he finally gets to see you DON'T believe a word he says , he will undoubtly make outragous promises etc. to try to persuade you to change your mind . Don't LISTEN TO HIM!! Be strong sweety and get yourself out of this mess NOW!!
We are all here for you. Good Luck!

Thank you guys soooooo much... I am tired of falling for his lies, for him period... I turned the phone off for the night... I blocked him from sending IM'S... I want nothing to do with... but what about tomorrow when he comes by? He has a key to my place... my brother said he will change my locks this weekend?

Good girl , Don't FALL FOR THE LIES! Because that's what he'll have coming at you now. He will go to all the desperate measures available believe me. I suggest you don't be there tomorrow , is that a possibility? And yes definitely get those locks changed.

Yes, get your locks changed. O you have a friend you can stay with until your locks are changed?

Friend... I am running like heck in the morning... thank you... and homegirl I am going to pay my granny a visit for a few days... thanks for the advice guys

Well done Kaharie , flee for hills. I wish you luck. Keep us posted.

I saw him guys!! I was picking my daughter up from school... he ran right up to me and grabbed my arm... I was thrown off at first and after my heart stopped racing I told him OFF! Big time... he said he would leave me alone if I had dinner with him tonight... yeah right! He used that one before... he pays my rent every month and helps with my car note every other month... so he said he would still pay up my rent for this year, no strings attached... altho I want to believe him I know I cant... he has a relationship with my daughter and she really loves him... she asked him was he going to take her to see Dora this weekend... he put it on me... now I look like the bad guy... and he knows she is going to bug me until I give in... what should I do?.

DO NOT GIVE IN. He is trying to emotionally blackmail you. Tell your daughter that you know how much she likes John but that he isn't going to be around anymore and that it doesn't mean he doesn't care about her its just something that happened between mommy and him. End of story.

Good for you in telling him off. I have to say that you will get rid of this man if you don't start taking over the things that he has power over. What's next? See me or I stop paying your rent and you're out on the street? Take over your bills and eliminate his power in this relationship. If you can't afford your place move. If you can't afford the car trade it in for one you can afford.

I don't think you should accept his gift of rent and a car payment. It's just one more excuse for you to go back to him! If need be, seek government assistance until you get back on your feet. You need to cut ALL ties with him if you truly want him out of your life.

Don't you dare fall for that. You tell him thanks but no thanks. Your daughter does not need to grow up seeing this as an acceptable way of life for women. If she gets mad tough. You're the mom and you have every right to say No! You both need to be away from this creep.

He's bad news guys... what a jerk! He just had my cell phone turned off... now the old me would call and try to make up with him to get my phone back on... but I am still hanging in there though... I am pissed that he went there but I guess I should have suspected it... I tried talking with my kid, but she doesn't understand... this is going to be harder than I thought! I am feeling worn out from all of this... I called the help line for some support but I still feel a little off track... he's telling me that he BETTER NOT see me with another man, or else he's going to 'f' both of us up! So many men are killing their girlfriends/wives and ex's today... and to be honest I am scared...

I know this is going to be hard, but you can do this, you must do this. You don't want your daughter growing up in this atmosphere. Document everything he says to you. You can get an oder of protection against him.
Does his wife know about you?

i've been messing with a married guy for the last 3 yrs...and even tho i know he's married i love him and i believe he loves me...i put up wih his crap, but he doesn't want me to date/talk to another man even tho he's married and lives with his wife...i tried to leave him a few times, but he ends up buying me back....why is he so selfish? why can't i have someone on the side too? how do i leave him for good?
AGB disagreed with an earlier post of mine. He said it isn't fair to hurt the wife to make yourself feel better. In principle, I agree.

But, if you go to the police and file for a personal protection order, the wife will eventually find out the truth. The point of my previous post is to confess, tell the truth to anybody who needs to hear it, and don't worry about any fallout it may create. Any damage that has been done is the responsibility of the husband and the wife to fix.

But that's just my opinion. There's a lot of good ones on this site!

At this point, I think she should concentrate on saving herself. The possibility of telling the wife could either keep her safe or get her in harms way. Right now I would concentrate on packing up if you can't afford the apt by yourself. Perhaps they have a smaller apt in same building? Also, take him off the lease. If you can't afford the car by yourself, trade it in. If he is on bank accounts, take him off. Same with credit cards, etc. It is nice to have people take care of you, but when they do there are always strings attached. Cut his strings. He is an A$$.

Yes we saw one another a year ago... she pleaded with me to stop seeing him then... but I was being selfish at the time... I don't want to open any old wounds for her by going to the cops... their going to go to his home and she will know he never stopped messing with me...

But do you think its fair to give him a cop out on threatening you multiple times? He needs to know that you aren't messing around now. Believe me. The wife would be thankful to know that you are done with him AND that he is acting in this manner. Who knows maybe she will become a friend after this whole ordeal.

The stones on this guy. I can't believe to threaten you in that manner. He shut your phone off to get your attention so you would call him begging to turn it back on.

Like everyone said document everything. Write down dates & times and what happened. If you have a record of him acting like a nutjob it can only help you.

Well said Glinda. Good advice.

One more thing, if he calls you... tape record it and don't let him know. Get one of those little ones. That way if you need proof for the protection order that he threatened you, you have it. Also it could serve as proof that he is still contacting you even after you told him to buzz off... good proof for the wife. Good luck sweetie. Stay strong.

Thanks you guys... great advice and I am going to take it... he's left 18 messages on my home phone with in the last 24 hrs... he keeps telling me he's going to 'f' me up... he said he was going to park down the street and watch my place for any men coming in or out... then tats when he's going to make his move and 'f" us up... he said he will turn the cell phone on if I answer his calls... I am good... dont need him... or his cell phone... but I am still going to stay with my grandmother for a few days... just until the locks are changed

Don't delete those messages! Definitely keep them. You are building a case here.

I'm glad you have somewhere to go for a few days. It will help you feel safe to be around family.

You are doing so well! The first steps are usually the hardest and you seem to be doing so good!!

Rusty: I said not to run to the wife because telling her about the affair will do nothing but hurt her. Now it has become apparent that this guy could be dangerous, and I have NOTHING against going to the police for protection. Yes, if a suit is filed, she will find out, but personally telling his wife is not an acceptable way to deal with this problem. If anything, it will exacerbate the problem.

Kaharie: I agree with rusty that you should tell people who need to know, but only those who need to know... at this point I'd say that's the local police department, your family and a handful of close friends. You and your daughter have the right to live normal lives, without fear of being beaten or killed by an a-hole like this guy.

Guys I did it... I called the cops on him... yesterday I went to my house to get me and my kid some clothes and he came over... I really believe he's been following me... well anyway he started taking the clothes he bought for me and my kid, throwing them all over outside... telling me if I didn't take him back that we would be naked as the day we were born... we got into a huge fight, I mean a fist fight!. if it wasn't for my neighbor he was going to run me over with his truck... he called me everything under the sun... b's, whores... u name it, he called it... he told me he was going to KILL ME! My neighbor witnessed his threats... I called the cops and they put a warrant out for his arrest... I won't lie he beat me up, but I WILL press charges on his you know what... I am really out done right now... and I filed for a protecting order too...

Oh my goodness. I'm sorry you went through this, but now you really have evidence, you know what king of person he is and you are now away from him. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
Good for you girl!

Ty homegirl... I am just sorry I had to learn this way... but it could have been worst... my kid asked what happen to my face and I told her I was in an accident... was I wrong for lying? Should I tell her the truth?

You weren't wrong for lying to your daughter. Some things kids don't need to know. The truth probably would've scared her.

I think it all depends on her age. And she needs to know not to trust this man and when people do things like that , it is very wrong. How old is she?

Thanks AGB... she really likes him and he's good to her... we just can't get along... he's been calling... begging me not press charges against him... yeah right... he told me if we get a male judge he will understand why he put a foot up my azz... he has pictures of me going out to clubs dress "like a whore" and f****** every tom and hank, so he puts it... he said he kept all the rent receipt and receipts for things he bought for me and my child... I am spending his money while f****** another man... will this hold up in court? Although it's not true?

She just turned 5 homegirl

No that will not hold up in court. He is trying to scare you. You will have FAR more evidence at what an abusive bully this man is and no judge would say "oh you were right to beat the crap out of her she IS a whore..case dismissed!". I don't think so. Don't listen to him he is LYING. HE is the one who is going to get in trouble he is not proof of you doing anything he is the one who is abusing you, harassing you, threatening you AND HE IS THE CHEATER HERE. What a dumba$$

He promised me the judge will side with him... he's going to try to make it look like I was using him for his money... so he snapped!!

I know he is a lair... he keeps calling telling me he's sorry, but I pushed him... I really wish he would leave me alone! This is driving me crazy... should I call his wife now? She's going to know any day now anyway? I threaten to tell her but he acts as if he don't care! He said I am his real wife and he loves me more than he could ever love her... he know when he say things like that I always go back to him... but this time I cant... I just can't go back... I am trying to be strong but he's using eerything he has to tramp me...

No. Don't call his wife. She will find out any way, but it's not necessary that it come from you. You just hang in there. We're all cheering for you.

she just turned 5 homegirl
Then I would not tell her unless she asked you about it again. Regardless whether he is nice to her or not, he hurt you and you don't know that he would not hurt her. She needs to know that he is not to be trusted.
You don't need to give her details but tell her "he hurt mommy. He is not being a very nice man so we need to not be around him anymore." Also tell her if he or anyone else hits ot hurts her, she must tell you..

Thank you homegirl... I am so glad you guys are so supportive... you ALL give me hope

Again the judge will not side with him. He is the one acting inappropriate. HIS actions are illegal. It is illegal to abuse someone, harass them, threaten them, stalk them. Those are all illegal. Your behavior may be morally questionable (not judging just stating) but nothing about it is wrong.

This man sounds like a complete lunatic.

Did you file the order of protection? IF he bothers you again just call the police. I recommend you get some MACE and if he starts near you spray him until the canister is empty and call the police. This is no mercy here for someone who is acting the way he is.

Yes I got the protection order... we still have to go to court when he's served... he said he's going to turn his self in Sunday... he said he wants to kill his self for hurting me like this... I feel really bad for him...

DO NOT FEEL BAD FOR HIM.

HE PUT HIMSELF IN THIS SITUATION.

We could stop himself at anytime. Everything he is saying and doing is in an attempt to manipulate and emotionally blackmail you. You can feel sorry for him that he is so pathetic but do not feel bad for him. He is a pathetic, psychotic loser. Who f'ed up everything in his life by acting like a complete idiot. If it hadn't been over you it would've been over someone else. It really isn't "you" he is in love with it's the idea of being able to control someone and have that person so deeply debted to him that he can feel that he owns them. He is mad right now because you keep bucking everything he tries to put the saddle back on. He thinks he can own you again because it was so easy all the other times.

If you do not follow through with this now you will never be rid of him and yes this will escalate maybe to the point of him killing you and your daughter. I've seen that happen plenty of times in the news. Its not uncommon for a psychotic man to kill his lover when she no longer wants him.

Have you gotten a tape recorder... are you recording all of the messages... or are you letting the answering machine do it? Also, do you have your locks changed?

Have you taken steps towards financial independence? These are all very important things to do.

Regarding the beeting, I am sorry that that happened to you. But if anything, it really taught you what kind of a man he is. Hang in there!

Homegirl... he's on my voicemail... so I got him... my locks are changed now... and as far as money... he was my provider... I am not making any real money right now... I am PT getting 16hrs a week... he told me I didn't have to work because he would take care of us... so I went down to a few hrs a week...

Talk to your company on Monday about getting more hours. If he pays your rent and bills he is still controlling you. If they won't hire you full time then look for another job where you can be full time.

If your company can't give you more hours, look for a new job. From this point forward, he is not paying your bills. I guarantee you won't check another dime from him unless you drop everything. If you do that, you will give him even more power over you because it will show him that you are weak. YOU ARE NOT WEAK!! YOU ARE WOMAN!! HEAR YOU ROAR!! (you are supposed to roar now) If you don't think your work will put you up to full time, start looking for a job this weekend. Do not waste any time.

Thank you sooooo much homegirl! I AM WOMAN! And he WILL HEAR MY ROAR! I am done with hm! I Don't NEED HIM AT ALL!! He's controlled my life for 3years... I am taking it back...

YOU GO GIRL!! You can accomplish anything!!

FYI: It is star here... but call me what you want... but YOU GO GIRL!

Well done!! And remember that he has tried the violence angle and that hasn't worked , he might try the nice angle now but remember , DON'T FALL FOR HIS LIES!

Now that we have it settled that you can do ANYTHING YOU WANT!! You need to plan your work... and work you plan. Start with the finances. Make your budget this weekend. With the bills you currently have, find out what you NEED. Rent, food, transportation, utilities, insurance, savings, credit card pymts, etc. Once you figured out what you need, use that to determine how much you need to make to make it. If the numbers scare you, you need to downsize. Get a cheaper car or smaller apartment. Although it may be sad to get rid of those luxeries... it is only temporary. It is better to be happy and safe in a smaller apartment or cheaper car... then to be an endentured servant. Remember, how you handle this situation will show your daughter the kind of strength that women have...

I just want to jump in and say you can without a doubt do this.

When my dad left my mom he left he without anything. He refused to pay support and he never allowed my mother to work (he is/was very controlling). She didn't know what she was going to do. My mom pulled herself up by the bootstraps and worked 3 jobs to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. After a short time of doing that we moved closer to her family. We lived with my aunt for 6 months and my mom was able to drop one job from the regime and worked 2. My mom always says that she has no idea where the strength to do all of that came from. Because on top of all the hard work my mom was chasing my dad down trying to find him in order to get him to pay child support. You never know what you are capable of until you are faced with a challenge that seems too big.

I know strength will shine through. This is YOUR life and YOU are taking it back!!

homegirl...he's on my voicemail...so i got him....my locks r changed now...and as far as money...he was my provider...i am not making any real money right now...i am PT getting 16hrs a week...he told me i didnt have to work because he would take care of us...so i went down to a few hrs a week...
You will be fine. You'll stand on your own two feel. Think of the wonderful example you're giving your daughter. We are all in your corner. Hang in there

One thing you should do to definitely build your case is take pictures of your bruised face, if the police haven't already. You want to build that case against this bastard.

Sad soul... the cops already took photo's the same day it happen... they locked him up last night while he was working... his wife called me crying... telling me not to press charges on him... like I told her "its too late"! I feel really bad but there's nothing I can do about it... he called collect askng me to drop the charges and he will leave me alone for good... he asked me to come down and bail him out... is he smoking? I still have his ATM card, I told his wife I woud drop it off to her... she can bound him out if she wants to, I am done!!

sad soul...the cops already took photo's thesame day it happen...they locked him up last night while he was working....his wife called me crying...telling me not to press charges on him....like i told her "its too late"! i feel really bad but theres nothing i can do about it...he called collect askng me to drop the charges and he will leave me alone for good.... he asked me to come down and bail him out... is he smoking?? i still have his ATM card, i told his wife i woud drop it off to her... she can bound him out if she wants to, i am done!!!

Good! Don't ever drop those charges. Remember that he is a liar, and beats a woman he says he loves? I feel sorry and scared for his wife too.

Becareful. He knew before he beat you or left messages on your phone that those actions are illegal and could get him in jail. That's the sick part... that he knows leaving messages like that give clear proof to the police... yet leaves them anyway. His desire to get back at you seems to be stronger than his rationality.
Protect yourself and don't ever meet with him again. So far you seem to have taken all the right steps.

i've been messing with a married guy for the last 3 yrs...and even tho i know he's married i love him and i believe he loves me...i put up wih his crap, but he doesn't want me to date/talk to another man even tho he's married and lives with his wife...i tried to leave him a few times, but he ends up buying me back....why is he so selfish? why can't i have someone on the side too? how do i leave him for good?
Walk out the door!! Go buy yourself a gift, wrap it remember the bow, and sit it aside... in a few days.. when you have had time to think and see the world as it is (about him and only him) you will realize a lot of wrong things about him, because you are holding on, you are blinded by confusion, remember the gift throw it away!! Nothing in this world is worth being unhappy, confused,or treated less than 100% by another partner... the gift by the way seeing and not having at the time * is a way of seeing gifts aren't everything. Pride is worth a lot With all the stds, who in the world want more than one partner, you need a one person relationship so you can HAVE ALL ATTENTION

i've been messing with a married guy for the last 3 yrs...and even tho i know he's married i love him and i believe he loves me...i put up wih his crap, but he doesn't want me to date/talk to another man even tho he's married and lives with his wife...i tried to leave him a few times, but he ends up buying me back....why is he so selfish? why can't i have someone on the side too? how do i leave him for good?
Well who's the selfish one here? Hes a married man who lives with his wife and you are aware of this, you say you feel bad or whatever for messing with him but yet you stay in this relationship because why? Do you feel he needs you? He doesn't. He needs to be faithful to his wife, and you need to get out of this ASAP and stop letting him drag u back in! You need to be stronger than that and realize hey he has a family.this is wrong. Be the big person here and cut all ties.. change your number if you have to, but get out! Because no offense honey, right now you sound pretty selfish.. sorry

Deep down you did this on purpose.

What do you mean crush? I did nothing on purpose... trying to right a wrong now

Good for you for not bowing down to dropping the charges. This guy now knows that you mean business. Let him come at you and he will just keep winding up back in jail. Eventually his wife's threats will too much for him to continue to threaten you.

Do you still have the protection order? If you do and he is calling you from jail... that is typically a violation of the protection order. Read your protection order to see what his can and can't do. If he violated the protection order by calling you from jail... call the cops.

Do you still have the protection order? If you do and he is calling you from jail....that is typically a violation of the protection order. Read your protection order to see what his can and can't do. If he violated the protection order by calling you from jail...call the cops.
Yeah, great call. He could be in violation. Let this guy and the judge know you mean business.