Hi, everyone I have a question,
I have been married for almost two years , in during these years my husband and I have been separated for 9 months and I don't know if I should let him go or wait. Please help!

net31:confused:

What's going on? Why did you guys separate? How long were you together before you got married? How old are both of you?

(sorry for all the questions just need some answers in order to give you some help)

Hi, Glindaofoz

We got married in oct 10th 2005, and he cheated on me in August 2006 so we have not been married long. I'm 30 he is 42 and we have 4 children and I have a 14 year old who is not by him, he left me and the children when my last child was 2 weeks old now our baby is 9months old.

Oh... I'm so sorry to hear about that.

Has there been counseling of any kind? What do you want to happen and what does he want to happen?

Well no we didn't do anything but talk about it, he is living with his mom and he let is other baby mama move in with them with her kids and when she moved in she was 7 months pregnant. He hold me it's not his but I don't believe him, so I talked to her and I ask he if something is going on between them she said no but later told me he was devoicing me for her. When I talked to him he was mad cursed me out and we had a fight and I said some things I didn't mean.

Wow. This is some pretty harsh drama for someone your husbands age. It sounds as if he is attempting to play both you and this other woman. It seems that he is not interested in working things out - I only say that since he has moved this other woman in with him with her children.

What does your gut tell you? Do you think this can be salvaged?

not now, because just resent I made a bad mistake I was with my x and I told my husband now he said we should get a divorce because we'll just through it back in each others face, but I really want to go to fix our marriage.

I think that if he is a cheater that you should find someone better. Have you ever cheated on him?

well like I just said after the fight we had I was with my x.

I could be carrying my x child.

Well if you have BOTH been with other people since you have been together and if you really love him maybe you can try to work things out... you both have to not cheat and earn that trust though and if you can't do that it will never be a good relationship. You need to be able to talk to each other and not fight. You can't change what either of you has done but you can keep it from happening again and you both need to let each other know that your willing to stay together and love each other and no one else (this includes cheating). Isn't that what marriage is about? And if this can't happen then you shouldn't be together.

you are right I was so hurt that he did this to me and he is still with his baby mama at his mothers house and he is not trying to come back home and we have not been together in the way husbands and wife s do since I was 8months pregnant, now our daughter is 9months old. I have been waiting on him for that long but when we had the fight and he said we were done I mess up 1 month after with my x.

You both have a lot of problems there and if you could stay together, during every argument its going to get worse because you both will probably brink up what each other did... If you can both get past that too to where you can I guess not bring it up then it may work out better. If you can get him to then maybe you can go to some kind of marriage counceling. If you both really want to things can work out but right now it sounds like a big mess and a lot of stuff going on that shouldn't be. I think you would probably be happier if you found someone else though. But there's also your daughter to think about... so yes this is very confusing which is why I mentioned counceling

Sorry I messed that up a bit. (its late and I'm tired)

Thank you for all your help, I hope we can continue tomarrow because it is getting late, I would love to finish this tomarrow if that's OK with you. : )

No problem and I will try to help you through this as much as I can... I know it must be a really hard time for you and I hope it all works out well

Thank you for understanding: )

I think that if you want your marriage to work - you should keep trying. Never say its over if you still want to try, and perhaps thats what he took from you when you told him about your ex. I personally believe that a marriage isn't over until you've done everything you can possibly do to make it work. Even if he doesn't want it, at least you know in your heart that you've done everything possible.

I'm young, and I'm still learning everything there is to learn about a marriage, but i feel that cheating is simply not acceptible by any means. Yes, forgive and try to move on, but dont drop to the same level of ignorance. I really hope your marriage works out. Let him know how you feel, apologize - ask what can be done to resalvage this. You've both made mistakes, perhaps all of the drama he is surrounded by is what he likes. Don't stop letting him know how you feel. Sometimes things take time. Good luck to you!

I think your life and marriage is in a mess. He obviously can't be trusted, he is cheated before and is now living with a woman who has at least one of his kids and is possibly carrying another, you are now possibly carrying the child of an ex. Can you imagime the drama if you are pregnant and go back to your husband? What is he going to say about this baby? Although maybe making babies with other women is not a big deal to him.
I think you need to end this marriage and concentrate on your life and the lives of children. Otherwise all of your energy is going to used in try to hold this mess together.

What a mess, and where to start. I think it starts with you making a decision, to get healthy and happy, and cut the negatives and drama from your life. Its time to focus on you right now, and since the ex is not ready leave him behind to work on his own issues, which are many. Put yourself at the top of the list, and take care of your children. No one else matters at this point.

I really thank you all for your help and I think I'll be taking tanlaniman advice because I have tried everything to fix this problem now I'm going to fix the wrong I have done to my god, kids, and myself. Thank you all very much.

I wish you and your children the best

I do too. If you need anymore support or propping up we are always here. Best to you.

Any thing we can do to support and help just come on back. Good luck.

Thank you all very much, I'll be here I'm not going to leave the site. I will keep you all posted on what's up with me. Thanks again. : )