All right, so here's the full story.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for just about 9 months. Would have been 9 on the 25th of September (started going out last Christmas)
Saturday night, she called me up and said that since we couldn't be together that night that she was going to hang out with her friend. I said all right that's cool, I'll see you tomorrow.
The next day she calls and says we can't hang out because she forgot about her friend's pool party, so I said okay go to the party, we'll hang out Tuesday.
Sunday afternoon, 3 PMish I get a call from her. She said that she wanted to take a break. I said no why do you want to. After asking twice, she said "I found someone else"
So I call her again later and ask what's up and she's with the kid and I ask, "are you going out with him?" and she said yeah.

So I call her one more time that night and talk to her, and she said she wants to take a break, but see other people. I said how long of a break, she said 1 to 2 months. I said OK. She said she still loved me. I was content.
Then Monday comes.
I call in the AM to ask if there's anyway I can prove that I can make her happy and she said she doesn't know, she said she still loved me. Then during school I sent her a text message saying: "I miss you, and still love you. Do you?"
I got a reply an hour later saying no.
Now, I had probably annoyed her that day because I was calling so much and texting her a lot, it's supposed to be a break. So I talk to my friends and they say leave her alone. I call her once more that night. I asked if we're still taking a break, she said yes. I asked "Do you still love me?" she said "I really don't know." and she said she doesn't know if she wants to get back together. She wants to wait and see what happens.
Then today rolls around, I call her in the morning and tell her I hope she has a good day. After school, I call one last time. Not calling again for a while. She said she doesn't know if she wants to be back with me, and I asked if it was still a 50/50 chance we'd get back together and she said "no..it's less"
Since then I haven't talked to her.

I'm trying to move on, but I still care and I'm not going to just forget about it. I'm going to talk to her online, small talk nothing major and I'm going to give her space for a few days before calling again. Does anyone think I should continue trying? I'm going to talk to other people and stuff while I wait and see what happens, but I don't want to wait forever. How long should I wait?

Thanks for your replies.

EDIT: I forgot to mention
Me and her had only seen each other once in the week previous because she had work, and this new boyfriend she's seeing works with her and lives closer to her.

Some thoughts "King":

1) When someone want space, give it to them.

2) When someone want space, give it to them.

3) When someone want space, give it to them.

4) REPEAT

5) You have not done 1-4 yet.

You are not moving on if you are constantly trying to talk to her and the more you bug her the more she's really not going to want to even remember your name.
She does not want you. Leave her alone.

In my opinion, never ask ANYONE IF THEY LOVE YOU more than once. EVER. Actually, I think that's a generality. LET YOUR PARTNER SAY IT, don't make them say it.

That's a HUGE question to ask someone. And if they are a good person, it is difficult to answer. LOVE is something you feel, and when you do, you say it. I think many people get blindsided by the question, you stir up their fears and get them all worried. You actually bring doubts into THEIR HEAD and make them ask questions they may not have asked.

LET THEM SAY IT TO YOU, try not to ask. Especially over and over again. It's boring.

And in your sitiation, STOP TALKING TO HER. You can't lose what you don't have. And you don't have her anymore. Beging MOVING FORWARD and you'll feel much better and she might even want to come back.

--Cali

Don't call her Don't do any small talk... DO nothing...

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING...

Disappear you owe her nothing... wait it out she will be back when she's ready...

All right so I haven't made contact now in just about 24 hours.
Her friend talked to me because I was asking her friend to find out things for me, about what she thinks. In her opinion right now, she thinks she loves this new kid. She said me and her were "done" to her friends. I'm trying my best to move on and talk to other people in the meantime. When I talked to her she told me a completely different story, saying that she didn't know what was going to happen. I'm a little scared that if I don't make any contact what so ever that we'll just drift apart. Am I doing the right thing? Does anyone think that after a little while she may contact me again?

Like I said dude, you can't lose what you don't have. You don't have her anymore. You SHOULD drift apart from this girl. SHE'S DATING SOMEONE ELSE!

You should be pissed, not pining. Also, you applied WAY TOO much pressure on this girl with constantly nagging her about "do you love or not". And seriously, DON'T get her friends involved. THEY ARE HER FRIENDS. They are ON HER SIDE. You'll make it worse for yourself.

LEAVE HER ALONE. Let her go. Forget drifting apart, YOU SHOULD RUN from this girl. She has NO RESPECT for you.

Start MOVING FORWARD as quickly as possible.

--Cali

Yeah I'm trying to kind of drift... but EVERYTHING in my life had to do with her
Everything is a constant reminder. Also, with her friends, I didn't ASK them to talk to her, because her friend is my friend as well.
The thing that strikes me is that this happened last year as well, but it wasn't after almost a year, it was after a week. After that week she went out with another guy again, I talked to her for a bit until early October, after that I stopped and I didn't talk to her until late November. Then I found out she was single again and we talked and we went back out. It also seems like the same situation because people were telling me that she was saying we were permanently done and stuff. Last year I even started talking to other girls, and she got really jealous. This year the only reason it seems different is because we were closer.

But I AM doing the right thing by not contacting her at all right? If she calls I'll probably answer because she would only call if it was important.

Yes you are without a doubt doing the right thing by going no contact

And NO if she calls its not going to be important. Its going to be her seeing if she still has you on her line. Don't take the bait man its not worth it.

But she also still has some of my things at her house. She DID want to drop them off, but I don't really want her to right now.

So I SHOULD NOT answer if she calls? Anything else I should do, because in reality I DO want her back, and in time I'm hoping that she may realize what she's lost

YES, NO CALLS, NO EMAILS, NO TEXTS. I wouldn't even pick up if she called. Let her new boyfriend deal with her massive issues. You MOVE ON.

And if she's done this to you before, I think you SHOULD LET HER GO FOREVER. She just sounds like a head case.

And there are MANY, MANY, MANY, girls out there. Not all of them will do this to you. Care for the ones that DON'T DO THIS. And AVOID the ones like your EX as if they were the plague.

And as for you things at her place, have your mutual friend pick them up and bring them to you. FORGET ABOUT THIS EX.

Good luck.

--Cali

Well about the head-case thing.. she does have mental problems..

She suffers from bi-polarity, and she was border line anorexic once. She's been in a mental institution once for "self mutilation"
I may be bi-polar but it's unknown. I was the only person that she ever went out with that was aware of her entire past basically, and yeah it did scare me at first, but then I realized I still loved her.
So I'm going to do the NC thing... no Calls, No emails, No Texts, no NOTHING.
In an estimate how long should I wait, as I started giving her the space she so desired today basically.

My opinion is to stay no contact for 90 days THEN see where you are at and how you feel.

Chances are by 90 days you really don't want much to do with that other person. Think of NC as detox and your ex as your drug. You can't take drugs while you're in detox right?

Good example. So 90 days... basically 3 months, so basically November again
Seems hard, but I'm going to try

If she does call, like frantically then something must be wrong. I have this feeling in my gut that she'd only call frantically if he hurt her in someway, and I've never even hit her. I'm not the type to hit a girl.
I won't answer after, 1-3 calls, but after 4-5 then I will.

Anymore tips?

Just be strong.

Its hard. Going NC is like going through withdrawal. You will have days where you will feel great and then something will set you WAAAY back. Just remember to keep getting up and moving forward. Stay busy and take time to take care of yourself and do what you want to do. You are the most important person right now not her not anyone else. Take this time to be really selfish.

I also have to add that even if she does call frantically don't pick up. She is not your concern anymore. You have to recognize that. If he hits her she can call the police they are trained to handle that situation more then you. All she will try to do is suck you back into her drama and her problems. You should be trying to shake free of her grip on you not put it back on tighter. I know it seems cold to say something like that but it is the truth. She has made her decision. In my opinion someone either wants all of you or they get none. When she decided to end the relationship she put herself in the position to not have you anymore.

Yeah
As much as I'd love to be her knight in shining armor if he hit her, AGAIN... I'm going to have to stay away
I can wait 90 days... my skin has been torn with barbwire and it didn't hurt as much as this does... but I'm going to do what I can.
I'm just HOPING that she doesn't try to come over and drop my stuff off, because that would really set me back, I want to stay far away right now.

If she comes over don't answer the door. She could always leave it on the front step or mail it back to you. There are other ways. If you can't see her then don't. The choice is yours. Too often when we break up we want so bad to keep some small piece of that person that we will beg for scraps of attention or keep them happy when what really needs to be done is to shut that person down. Its about putting yourself in survival mode and just taking care of you.

It's hard... really hard..
I wish I was still with her right now, but unfortunately.. we aren't
So 90 days... what if something happens in between, such as she breaks up with him because she realizes what she's lost in me, not saying it will happen, but if it does.. then what do I do?

dude,

NADA. ZIPPO. it's in her court....not yours.
If she contacts you in less than 90 days with a super great reason - breakup etc.
Be polite, and listen... but you don't have to say or do anything... and don't until
It has been a couple months... don't be so easy man.

she dumped you for another guy.....remember.

SORRY... it sux but would suck worse if you do ANYTHING

I'm a little scared that if I don't make any contact what so ever that we'll just drift apart. Am I doing the right thing? Does anyone think that after a little while she may contact me again?
She cannot drift further than she is now. Any drama in her life is her business to deal with and your only concern is to leave her life alone, and focus on yours.

Well about the head-case thing.. she does have mental problems..

She suffers from bi-polarity, and she was border line anorexic once. She's been in a mental institution once for "self mutilation"
I may be bi-polar but it's unknown. I was the only person that she ever went out with that was aware of her entire past basically, and yeah it did scare me at first, but then I realized I still loved her.
So I'm going to do the NC thing... no Calls, No emails, No Texts, no NOTHING.
In an estimate how long should I wait, as I started giving her the space she so desired today basically.
For the rest of your life.


I won't answer after, 1-3 calls, but after 4-5 then I will.

Anymore tips?
Disappear from her life to avoid confusion and let you heal enough to look at this situation clearly.

All right sooo a couple of minutes ago I was on AIM talking to my friend and she signed on. I didn't IM her, she IM'd me and said hi. I didn't want to be rude so I said hi back as much as I tried not to. She asked what's up and I said nothing really. Then she started a conversation.

We talked, and eventually she said "dont think I hate you or anythin, I'm just exhausted"
I asked why and she said "i havnt been sleepin"
I asked why not and she said "ive been talkin to nick til like 1 AM because he has verizon so we can talk for free"
I said ohhh.. I see...
and then this is what happened:
Her (5:40:56 PM): yeah me n him can talk for free cause he has verizon
Me (5:41:15 PM): ohhhh
Me (5:41:21 PM): that's good
Me (5:41:23 PM): unlike with me =x
Me (5:41:28 PM): all your minutes went down the drain
Her (5:41:34 PM): alwell it was worth it

Then we talked a little more and she said that she doesn't regret it or hate me or anything. Then I said she should get some sleep and she went to take a nap.
All right so then I asked my friend what he thought about that. He said it's a good thing, because then its like she doesn't regret it and she still cares. Also, with the whole story it seems like she's confused right now and used him as a rebound because she didn't want to be alone while she works things out. He thinks he's a rebound because he works with her, lives near her, has a truck (and she loves trucks), and can talk for hours with her.

Anyone think this is the case, because when he said that might be a possibility I felt better, and he thought that it won't last more then a month between them and me and her would be talking things out for the better. So basically, NC has been ruined.

"talking all night with Nick..."

If that is the NEW GUY then...Holy Sh--!!

... you got dissed man, but you are the man if you can take that.

Is nick someone else?

So much for NC - man... you may not be ready for all this yet... hang in there.
How old are you?

I'm 16...
I can take it mainly because after she said that she said she didn't regret being with ME. And yeah, Nick is the new guy. They work together, he has a truck so he can take her places and lives closer to her then I do.

What should I do now considering that NC has been broken? I'm still dealing with it and when I was talking to her I felt better. I'm hoping my buddys are right about him basically being a rebound while she thinks what she wants. I mean, originally it WAS just called a break.

Get right back on the horse man.

NC is not about being rude or mean its about doing the right thing for you. When she IMs you IGNORE HER. Its honestly not that hard. Just like when she calls you don't answer it's the same thing.

I'm not understanding why when people say they don't want to be with you, you don't take it as that. Why you're thinking, "she does ot eally mean this"
This girl has moved on. Whether it's a rebound or not, she has moved on.
Do you want her to come back next month (which I don't believe she will) and then you're waiting for the other shoe to drop and she leaves you again? Are you willing to subject yourself to this again? Where is yourself esteem and pride?
This girl is gone, you may as well accept it and move on. You will survive.

Your contacting her keeps false hope alive and does not allow you to move on or see that she has. Get back to no contact and do not allow her to contact you. She is having a great time while you wait, so stop waiting on maybe they break up, and she comes back to you. I doubt she comes back at all since your sitting in the friendzone, available whenever she needs, she has nothing to come for. She can just find another guy with a better truck. Stop this and move on.

All right so I haven't talked to her today
Feel good
And I've moved on basically
Tonight I made plans to chill with one of my girl friends that my -ex wouldn't let me talk to
Hope I'm doing the right thing

Just don't jump into one relationship while you're still hurting over this one. It is not fair to the other person.

Simply... do not make someone your priority when you are an option for them... am sorry to say so but she never loved you... and she was not honest with you... and I think she was even cheating on you that night when she said that she is going to that party... she does not deserve your love... move on with your life... find yourself someone who deserve your love... your problem is that you love her and does not accept or believe that she dupmped you after all what you have doen to her... but this is not hurting anyone but you... love yourself more... PLEASE STOP CONTACTING HER BY ANY WAY OF COMMUNICATION... IGNORE HER...

Take care of yourself.

Ms. Redrose

Yeah I have a sinking feeling she might have cheated on me
I'm not hurting as much anymore it's more of one of those things that pops into my mind every so often and makes me feel bad. Right now I am talking to someone else, but not about a relationship yet.

UPDATE:
All right after seeing someone else for 2 days word got word to my -ex. She IM'd me on AIM last night and asked me if it were true and I said yes it was. Then she goes "I really f***** up my life I guess." I asked why and she said "because I left you for this guy" and I said "okay, no online crap, show me you want me back, call me if you do." 5 minutes later my cell phone rings, she's crying telling me she wants me back.
NOW what do I do?

She broke up with you for another guy, Remember how that felt? Hears your with someone else, and now is begging you to come back. Could it be that if things didn't work out with him, she could count on good old you to be there? Could it be she now has to give you more hope, or else you will drift away? You have a lot to think about and hope you are seeing clearly. After all the manipulation you still want her back. Your misery, your pain (4pages to be exact), what do you think??

Talaniman is absolutely right. She FREAKED when she got that news. I've seen it happen over and over again. The person who leaves wants to keep that ex at arms length just in case things don't go the way they want them to then they can go back to that nice, comfy relationship.

She dropped you like a bad habit for someone else. She told you that she doesn't love you anymore. She flat out said she had no feelings for you anymore now that she hears you were out with another girl all of a sudden those feelings are back?

This is another manipulation.

Also - aren' you supposed to be in no contact? You should've just ignored her IM. She is only pulling you back in to keep herself happy. She will do this again. She WILL do this again.

Talaniman and Glinda are absolutely right. She is only trying to boost her own ego and morale at this point, while destroying yours. Ignore her... learn from all of this pain that you have experienced. Ask yourself "how many times can you handle this pain over and over?". I'm a pretty strong guy and I know for a fact I could not do it again...

But what should I do NOW, I've ended up in a sticky situation... becauseee last night she called crying and said she wanted me back, and she still loved me and something she did made me think. And it's true apparently, she's slept 2 hours alll week and she's up crying most of the time after that new kid 'bugs her'. She even went out and bought a guns n' roses shirt so she'd feel still attached to me because I'm like obsessed with them.. and we agreed that she has a deadline of Tuesday night to decide what she's doing... and Tuesday we agreed to sit down face to face and talk. But today afterschool I called at 3 and she was like "i don't know now..because someone told me you were cheating on me during our relationship" and that isn't true at allll, I'm just not that type of guy
So what should I do?

Pretend that never happened when she calls later
Ask who told her and ensure its not true
Or what
Right now I'm trying not to go with no contact.. not until I find out what's happening tonight..

She told all you needed to know with that statement.

She is not serious about getting back together. She is panicking now that you are actually agreeing to move forward.

I suggest you forget about HER. Next time she calls DO NOT ANSWER. Please tell me how many times we have to tell you this for it to sink in and I will do so.

Don't go back with her now. She's already a) showed signs of distrust in you and b) given you reason not to trust her. Listen to what everyone is saying. Close that chapter! You don't have to ignore her, be honest with her. Tell her that she hurt you, but that you are fine now. Tell her you are going to move on and hope that she can do the same. Good luck!

All right, I'm going to keep moving on. I still love her and it hurts but I have to. There's nothing I can do.

She is toying with you. Have you ever seen a cat play with a bug or a mouse? They won't kill it because its too much fun to bat it around. Its only once they become absolutely bored with the idea of any further play that they will kill their prey.

Keep that in mind.

And what? DON'T ANSWER HER CALLS, IMs, TEXTS, EMAILs, FAX, SINGING TELEGRAM NOTHING.

Write your name on a piece of paper because when she gets done with you you may not know who you are. And after she justifies this misunderstanding that "caused this break" you will be so relieved she is back, that all will be forgiven by you, and she will live happy ever after. Do you think the new guy is buying this crap too? Obviously not since she is boohooing to you.