I was hoping some men can answer a few questions for me.

1: why do men complety ignore women when they are hurting?

2: Why do men always flip a agrument around like they did nothing wronge?

3: if you get in a fight with your women .why is the first things said is to get the hell out?

4: when that happens when the argument is over . Why do you tell that women you love them?

That's all I can think of right now I am sure I will find more questions.

My wife subscribes to this forum and she is standing beside me to ensure that I answer you today...

First, we do not ignore you when you are hurting, this is a wrong perception. We are attempting to get a handle on the situation, in order to find a workable solution to the problem, most times we feel helpless and do not know what to do, our pride keeps us from admitting this to you so we turn away. It is hard for a man to admit that he is helpless in situations, we do not take well to defeat. Sometimes, we do not know what to do, so we yell, scream at inappropriate times, this is our mask of defense; however, we can in time learn to take an offensive position to control the situation as best we could. We do love... we do not always know what women expect us to do. We need help... we need understanding. From my raising, I was taught that a man should protect and provide. I did not understand the need to express myself until I married my wife. She invested herself into me. She remains patient and understanding knowing that I am entering new territory. I can't speak for all men, but I know that I did not submit to her request with ease. I fought her for a long time because I thought she was trying to take over. I felt that she was a threat to me, instead of a help. I had to be without her for an extended period to recognize her actions and words came to help us, not destroy me. We have to mature, we have to find the value in the woman, in the relationship in order to change to make it work. I did a lot of stuff that I am ashamed of; however, my wife does not remind me of my stupid mistakes. She embraces me, helps me to feel good. This is one of the reasons I love her so, I like the way I feel about myself because of her. She knows her place, and I know mine. I must admit, when I was dating I was a complete A-hole searching for the woman that would throw a curve ball into my game, this woman I knew I would notice when I saw her. I did. My wife. I wanted as much as I could get with investing as little of myself as possible. As long as the honey was sweet, I was like a bumblebee, I knew I could eat but when she demand something I was not ready, willing to give. I left. I don't know if this helps you, but it helped me. I have kept peace with my wife. You will be found special in time, don't sell yourself short. Make us value you, then we will value the relationship.

Shenda gave absolutely great advice. The best.

1. Men go into our 'caves' when we're hurting we shut down. We have to think through our problems. You thave to leave us be. We WILL come back. Please just don't push us or it may take longer to come back.

2. Women do this as well. But, MEN negoiate when we communicate. Women converse, women ask questions, when men are done arguing-talking-conversing ----women are just getting gstarted. It's all about communications. Women use 7000 words on average a day. Men use 2000. Men are taught to win - hopefully you meet a guy that will argue appropriately and respect your opionion.

3. Basically because we don't want to deal with you right now. We want to go into our cave - think about things. We don't want to see you at the moment.

4. Because we do.

Yup, shenda you did it again. Please forgive me for thinking you were a woman the first time, but you were so intuned to us that it was just an immediate assumption. Men do feel helpless when we are ill, I know this very well, because my guy is like that - he practically runs away! You just helped me understand that, instead of thinking that men only want us around when we are healthy and available for them. I nurse him when he is ill, but that's probably due to society putting us into the Florence Nightingale category. You always have a knack of hitting the right spot to get me to remember and re-think. Thanks.

Cass, keep on asking, you'll really benefit from this forum, as I have.

1: why do men complety ignore women when they are hurting?

2: Why do men always flip a agrument around like they did nothing wronge?

3: if you get in a fight with your women .why is the first things said is to get the hell out?

4: when that happens when the arguement is over . why do you tell that women you love them?
3. this is not true. It is a matter of a man's personality. When I get in a fight with someone, I sure don't want them to leave. I want to sort the thing out, hear how the other side saw the whole situation. There's nothing as frustrating for me as when someone doesn't want to tell you why he/she doesn't like something that happened that started the fight.

2. I'd say this is something women would do more regularly than men. I don't remember getting in a fight with a woman that would admit she is the guilty one for the fight.

4. I don't say it when I don't mean it. If it's her fault the fight started, and she doesn't apologize, I won't tell her I love her. If it's her fault and she does apologize, and I know she means it - I want to tell her that I accept her apology and that I forgive her. I'm also happy with the way our relationship is going on if we can sort our problems out and see things rationally. "i love you" sounds like a good way of telling her exactly that - I love the way we sorted it out. If it's my fault and I understand it, I'll apologize... but if she insists on arguing, I won't tell her I love her - because I don't want her to keep insisting on something I understand is wrong and have already apologized and said I'll try not to do it again. And I don't "love" her insisting on such things. If I see she took my apology and is satisfied with the way we sorted it out... well, you know the drill already :)

1. This question is unclear ; do you mean when the man is hurting or when the woman is hurting?

2. Because in most instances they probably didn't ; whenever a woman starts an argument with me , rarely if ever did I do anything actually worth arguing about. Most women don't "start arguments" when they've been truly wronged ; instead, they express their hurt and anger with varying degrees of subtlety which eventually becomes direct ; i.e. weeks or months later, they'll outright state "You did 'such and such' and it hurt me."

3. In keeping with #2 above, when a woman starts an argument with a man over a petty issue, he usually doesn't have the patience or energy to deal with it (and rightly so), so he simply flips with "get the hell out" or some similar remark.

4. Because it usually appeases a woman and it's what they want to hear. Also it's because it's usually true.

I can understand them answers I always woundered about them . Don`t worry more questions will come when the next fight does .Which won`t be long. I pin up everything and when I get to full it all comes out . So a big fight happens.I don`t mean to it just happens.
I couldn`t understand why my boyfriend would flip every fight around on me . When the original fight was something he did.I couldn`t understand why he would tell me to get the hell out . I mean as soon as I agree to his terms almost right away he says he loves me. When less the 10 minutes before he wanted me to leaave. I have tried leaving a couple of times but all that happens is he takes the keys to the cars so I walk out and he tells me he is going put my out on the porch and he hopes it rains.
These things bug me the get the hell out most of all because not once did I ever kick him out of my house and now we are living at his . For some bad reasons.he does it every fight.

I don`t know what else to say I am new to all this be sure I will be back next fight.

Cess, if this is the case, why wait till the next fight. Do you like being treated this way or have you never experienced a relationship of any other kind. This is called a cycle or pattern that you obviously learned to 'accept' as normal. It's not! If I were you, I'd seek advice on why you let yourself be treated this way and change your way of thinking. A relationship should give you comfort and the feeling that you can lean on someone and share good times and bad, but not that bad... I'm 54 and still not sure if I found the right one, but I do have warmth and comfort with him, so it just might be. Little spats now and then are normal, and making up can be fun. But if you both constantly argue and try to prove who's the winner here, then something is wrong. We all have choices to make and the steps might be hard financially or emotionally, but think of what you want for the rest of your life. And his threats are so indicative of a person who needs to grow up, kids throw temper tantrums, not grown men! Good luck to you no matter what choice you make.

Well he is only 22 and I am only 24 today. But I have had 2 relationships. Him and my late husband .soon I will post basically my life storry to see if any of you have any advice .believe me when I say this it will be a very long post. Also will take me some time to do . Once I have time alone and it isn't my birthday I will right it . I may post it here maybe start a new thread.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Take your time, use the notepad to write your story and copy and past it to here then. You are too young to be going through the rest of your life with this kind of relationship. Sorry about your 'late' husband. Celebrate and enjoy today and get back with us later. I can sense that you've gone through a lot.

1. Why do men act as if nothing ever happened when a heated argument is over?

2. what is it about a man that makes him not want to get married, even after he has been with a woman for so long

3. For the life of me I just do not know why you guys find sports so captivating

1. We think in LOGIC - NOT FEELINGS/EMOTIONS. Fight over - fight over. Game done. Shake hands. Woman - let there feelings and emotions get involved.

AND - hahaha - eve nthought you THINK you won - we know we won.

2. You were too AVAILABLE - The old saying - WHY buy the cow when you drink milk for free. You weren't hard to get. People WANT wha tthey can't have - ALWAYS. He took you for granted - less respect. You ALWAYS need to be a challenege - ALWAYS - there is NO complete surrender.

3. We play life to win - competition. We communicate in negoiation. Woman communicate to start a great conversation. We want to win!!

You asking the difference between men and woman. Face it - we are not the same - we think differently - ALWAYS. Unless the guy gay.

Hi,
In your original post, with all the questions, are you referring to ALL men?
If so, then ALL men are not like what you asked.
The only thing about "fights" between a man and a woman, is that both can get very upset. It's called "don't ever go to bed mad".
Don't go to sleep mad, then start all over the next morning.
All relationships, whether married or not, can result in "fights", arguments, and sometimes even yelling at each other.
If you love someone, you will apologize to them, both men and women.
After 28 yrs of marriage, I have learned that it's not all a "bed of roses"; but love, caring, and respecting each other can overcome anything!
Other than getting into arguments with each other, I don't agree that All men are as you say.
Best wishes,
fredg

Boy, I was waiting for a chance like this, OK men, get ready.

Fredq has some good points and the roses also have thorns.

But Wildcat - you really did it this time - no offense, we all have opionions like a certain part of anatomy that hardly sees daylight...

So, here goes:

To men: do you really always think logical? NOPE, when in certain stages and high testosterone levels you don't.

As far as competition and always winning - guess again. Most of the time we women LET you win because it's more peaceful that way. And some of you are bigger in size, not mind.
We women are by nature the peacekeepers, but can become lions and capable of worse than you think if our loved ones are threatened. It's just that we don't brag about this and don't insist on winning all the time.

We all do have emotions, the difference there is that we women show them, and you men are tought to suppress them, that's why you drink and fight - using this as a compensation, we women call this an Ego.
I don't judge anyone, and I am very well aware that 'society' expects a lot of you men, and your fathers probably did give you guidance on that particular subject of being a 'man'. But society has also expected that and more from us at the workplace - as we always have to prove ourselves double there, because there are some of you who think we are potential 'toys' at work. I also understand that some men can feel threatened in that, especially if the boss is one of 'us'.
I'm an alcoholic, not toutched a drink for 25 years - I admitted this problem and sought help. - Men seldom admitt this type of problem and think they can 'handle it' most of the time and don't succeed.
Oh, yes we are different, thank goodness. I don't envy you men of today and what's expected of you, but I can read you like a book most of the time as I am intuned to the opposite sex. Those of you who don't make that effort to learn and try to understand our actions/reactions are the ones who loose in the long run.
It gets down to choices, and the efforts humans make to take off those blinders they grew up with - on both sides.
And what the heck is negotiation? - a relationship is not a business deal. It is sharing common interests, humor, kindness and love. And hopefully to procreate to keep man from becoming extinct.
When a woman likes to communicate - she's interested to learn more about you and your feelings, to figure our if you are worth compromising for. Because we women are the ones who wind up doing most of the compromising - so hope that someday you are valuable enough to her to do this, but it must be earned, not demanded.

As far as milking a cow, milk away, but don't dare be calling us slutts because we don't buy a pair of shoes without trying them on first. - get my drift?
I divorced my spouse-beating husband, but was rewarded by a beauriful daughter for that trial period in my life. I've been with the same partner for the last 7 years. The first two were hell, and I left him. Guess who came back, first trying to do little things for me and my daughter, asking if I needed something from the store, still completely the chauvy.. I gave him a second chance because I sensed that he did reflect back and learn from his mistakes and values me the way I am. We treat each other with respect and I even watch sports with him now and then, because I appreciate his efforts and he has gained a notch up that 'value' ladder. We also have our little spats, because making up is fun, and never go to bed angry. He even watches movies with me which he never did before, so you see, there is still hope for mankind.
AIN'T LIFE GRAND WITHOUT THOSE OLD BLINDERS??

Again, I mean absolutely no offense, just like to point out a few of my opinions and hints to those willing to 'be there, do that'. Cause I'm 55 and 'been there, done that'. And I still enjoy communicating and learning more.

By the way, I have gay friends and think they are super. They can show emotions and not feel guilty about them. Another advantage there is that we can have meaningful conversations without the men thinking about only one thing during the whole intercange of interests.

1. Why do men act as if nothing ever happened when a heated argument is over?

2. what is it about a man that makes him not want to get married, even after he has been with a woman for so long

3. For the life of me I just do not know why you guys find sports so captivating

1. It appears they are "hard-wired" differently. Would we really want to live with another woman who could keep up an argument indefinitely?

2. Why should he? Why pay for and take responsibility for what their woman gives them for free? IMO, women undervalue their services (not just sex) and don't hold out for the brass ring. Plus, we ruin men when we allow them to remain boys - they need equal partners, not mommies (except when sick).

3. Perhaps to drown out their woman's constant nagging? Men aren't put on the face of this earth to be our best girlfriends to whine with; rather our heroes and gladiators.

Becky, who adores her lawfully wedded hero of 36+ years.

Can't believe I'm being so opinionated, sorry. I'll try and stay out of this area of the forum.

Becky, please don't stay out of this area. Your experience can be of value to further issues of the like. Everyone's opinion and advice counts, especially with a 35 year relationship, you sure have some good advice to give... Hang in there!

WOW! After reading what the feminists think about men I'd like to know what they think about every other stereotype out there. I must be racist because I'm republican, right? WRONG. STOP STEREOTYPING HALF OF THE WORLD!! My wife thinks nothing like any of you. She would have many different things to say. Ask poindexter why sports are captivating, I don't think HE"LLl know either.

Hi Schultz... I am far from being a femenist! I am a woman who loves men in spite of being raped three times in my life - which should make me a man-hater, but this is not so. I just understand them better than I did before and know that both sexes have their faults, but when I see the negative attitude of chauvy's I just 'have to say it'. I enjoy a relationship even at my age and it is more fun now than it was during the days of 'playing games'. As they say, 'practice makes perfect', but I believe understanding and respect for each other is and essential part of a relationship. And as I said, we each have opinions, and that's what keeps the world interesting, as well as forums like this.

WOW!! After reading what the feminists think about men i'd like to know what they think about every other stereotype out there. I must be racist because i'm republican, right? WRONG. STOP STEREOTYPING HALF OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!! My wife thinks nothing like any of you. She would have many different things to say. Ask poindexter why sports are captivating, i don't think HE"LLl know either.

Hi SSchultz,

Were referring to my post? If so, I'm actually against the feminist movement as I believe it hurts women and is disrespectful to men. Please point out where I'm being feministic, and I'll recant.

Becky, who is no "Feminista"

These are really good questions that have boggled woman for a very long time. Basically men and woman are different in the way they handle frustrations, anger, saddness any kind of emotional situation. I know from expirence that when Im hurting and it has nothing to do with my husband, he won't even hug me because( as he puts it) if he can't fix the situation then he's uncomfortable in giving me comfort, because in his mind comfort isn't immediately solving the problem. Which a load of crap. But that's not even the case. Sometime we woman just want to vent, remmember we are expressive talkative creatures who easily deal with frustration by voicing it. Nine times out of ten if my husband would just listen to what I had to say and let me"vent" that's all I need and a hug to go along with it. Have you ever noticed that when woman vent to other woman, we listen to each other and then give each other words of advice? I think woman tend to want to give support and advice in hopes that it will help the situation and men want to automatically fix it. In cases when Im sick, My husband actually gets annoyed because Im unable to clean house, go grocery shopping cart the kids around etc.. So nothing gets done and I usually have to do it while I'm not feeling well. But of course when he's sick you would think he was struck with leprosy. He can be a big baby, and I usually am stuck taking care of him as well as everything else. Its very hard for me to not do it. Even though I can't say the same about him. I know not all men are like this and Im not generalizing, but I have talked to other woman about this same subject we are all talking about and many of their responses have been the same as mine in varying degree. But I'm sure there are plenty of questions that boggle men about us :rolleyes:

Wow its pretty f--up when a woman has an opinon she's labeled as a feminist? I don't think anyone here is saying all men are the same way. People are having opinions based on their own unique expirences and that's just it their own opinon!

I do agree, Hanebelle, and when I am ill and can't do much around the house or kitchen, etc, my partner avoids me, but I also understand that in his way he feels helpless because he can't fix it. Men are accustomed to fixing things, and when that is out of their hands, the sky falls and they look for a place to hide or vent out. I know mine does not avoid me, he avoids my illness and his frustrations over it. See what I mean about 'understanding' ? Most of us women do know our men and still love them because those are just little things that no longer need to be ponderred or argued about.. that is just plain facts of life. I take care of my man when he is sick because I like to and not just because 'society' put us in the Florence Nightingale category without even thinking whether we get frustrated or don't like the sight of blood either. How strange, the stereotyping goes both ways. But with a little communication we can all grow to understand each other, it's that simple. With us women, a little hug or holding for a while when we need it does more than just comfort, it helps bond closer.

Chery, I completely agree with you. But its hard not to get frustrated too. I stay at home with the kids and do what any other woman would do and take care of the house. That is a job initself. I really don't expect mucj out of my husband, because he does work hard and is now the main provider of the family. I have the utmost respect for that. But what I don't get is that when he's sick and can't go to work or help with the kids and I drop everything to help him and take care of him (which I do willingly) it isn't returned when I'm under the weather. Im not saying he has to be really happy about it or wait on me hand and foot but to help a little would be nice, especially with the kids the're young so it is hard to keep up with them even more so when Im sick. He seems like it's a big bother for him. Now that frustrates me. Any words of wisdom? :confused:

Actually I should have this as a topic for a post! Its funny how you end up talking about your own issues in response to someone else's. ;)

I still know I am right!

I still know I am right!

Wildcat,

Of course you are! ;)

Who said you weren't?

Hannabelle, Becky, and cherry, we need talk show host like you. And invite Wildcat! That would make an interesting show!

Ha!

Hey wondering if you ladies new this. Woman, on average use about 7000 words a day. Men use on average 2000.

When men think the conversation is over, woman are just getting a conversatin started.

Maybe you see why your S/O gives the answers they do.

I know why my gal gabs and gabs and gabs.

Hannabelle, Becky, and cherry, we need talk show host like you. And invite Wildcat! That would make an interesting show!!

Agree. He's cute and adorable. We could have some great fun! :)

Ha!

Hey wondering if you ladies new this. Woman, on average use about 7000 words a day. Men use on average 2000.

When men think the conversation is over, woman are just getting a conversatin started.

Maybe you see why your S/O gives the answers they do.

I know why my gal gabs and gabs and gabs.

I read these statistics in one of your other post.
I admit, we do talk a lot, but that is because usually our questions are still unclear. We need answers, who, what, when, where, and why, we need resolution and closure and a crystal clear understanding just what is going on. Women do not like to be left in the dark about anything. We have to know and we have to understand.

Interesting. I agree fully.

Guys are like "short version please!"

Yeah, wildcat I'm sure your right all of the time, I guess we will humor you. Good luck with that attitude Im sure it will get you far. I didn't realize boys in high school were even aware of this topic. You are in high school right? :rolleyes:

Letmeno, we should have a talkshow, I would have so much stuff to say, you know esecially since we love to talk. ;)

To letmeno, and Hanabelle - The idea about the talkshow is not that appealing to me as it is what the last four letters indicate a 'show' and mostly staged. I'd rather have a small group without the noise and interruptions of 'sightseeing audience' who go there to lift themselves up by other peoples' problem's, then going home after having their egos fed.

Wildcat, - you seem to have had a few more words to say in one or two of your posts from January and April too, one was a two-parter... There was no 'short version' there...

I'm assuming that S/O means significant other? Well,some of the answers I get from him are: 1) whatever - when I ask him what I should make for dinner, but I can't seem to find a whatever in the kitchen or supermarket. 2)uhhuh - now that's a great way to get a question answered. When I make two suggestions or more. I could go on here, but we all are familiar with this issue.

Maybe some men don't use many words because they are busy listening to anything else they can on the boob-tube instead of their S/O. Or, their vocabulary treasure-chest is not full enough to find intelligent ways to express themselves. I worked with doctors and helped them write their papers for the AMA and other journals, and they had many more words to say than just 2000 and still appreciated my input and questions for clarification. Oh and I also helped two other men write their books, one a doctor, the other a teacher.

There is another member in this forum, who I thought at first was a woman, (sorry) due to the articulate way he communicates. I did find out his S/O reads his stuff too, they must really have a great relationship and I sometimes envy them.

My significant other probably thinks that I can read his mind and needs no verbal communication - and most of the time he's right. When he is stressed, I know why without even asking so I don't. When I'm stressed, he asks 'what's wrong now', without reflecting on the days' events and maybe coming up with the answer himself. Too busy watching the news or sports, I guess, to check out the vibes surrounding him in his own home.

Unfortunately, from reading your previous posts I am of the opinion you are bitter about something in your past, and just can't get over it. I know your response will be blah, blah, blah, already, but I truly mean no offense. This is just a 'gut feeling' of mine.

To Becky - you stated you are happy with your' S/O for 35 years? Congrats, not all of us are that lucky - you must have tuned in to him from the start, but I bet you also compromised a lot to keep the peace. And he probably was the first man in your life. The fact that you feel the femenist movement did a lot of damage is right. I agree that some femenists go a little too far and berate men in general because I know men are only human too and most do the best they can. Women can be very threatening to those who thought us inferior and as I said before, society demands a lot and some are just not up to it. Society today puts a strain on all of us, man and woman - we just handle it differently.

Ok, I'll get off my soapbox now and let someone else get on it. I think this 'ball' is really rolling and wish more people would jump right in. It's more refreshing than a 'talkshow'. Ta Ta for Now!

hanabelle - I guess you don't know sarcasm.

Hi Cess and welcome,
I whole heartily agree with shenda this really is the way we are.
As far as the "flipping"of the argument goes that is one of our most famous defense mechagnisms(?) " The best defense is a good offense" you are so busy trying to defend yourself that the reason you were mad at us fades.
I will not tell you that everything is going to be OK because I don't know ,but I can say that all relationships that work are because BOTH parties worked at it

Hello tjr, thanks for joining in, and it was good, short and precise. What did you have to go back to school for? Wishing you the best...

We might have gone off the subject a bit, but I am still interested in how you are doing and what your opinion is on this all. Did our little heated debate scare you off, I hope not! It's a universal subject without any real down-pat solutions and/or answers. Just a few examples of opinions but they can help you along the way, so please give us some of your input.

Why thank you for your concern,in answer to your question I am attending school again to get a degree in ceramic engin.

Good for you. It's never to late to learn new things. And when one gets to learn things that are of interest, that makes it all the better.

Wildcat, apparently you don't either.

Hi Cess and welcome,
I whole heartily agree with shenda this really is the way we are.
As far as the "flipping"of the argument goes that is one of our most famous defense mechagnisms(?) " The best defense is a good offense" you are so busy trying to defend yourself that the reason you were mad at us fades.
I will not tell you that everything is going to be ok because i don't know ,but I can say that all relationships that work are because BOTH parties worked at it

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!! My s/o does the same thing! I got smart and learned how to steer the argument back on path.

OK these questions were based on my boyfriend . If you read my life story which is posted and have read my questions . Can you please tell me what I can do. To stop the fights . All I ask is for him to treat me like I treat him . I do everything I can for him . Only once in a blue moon do I tell him no. sex is no fun for me anymore , its all about him.I get left hangging wet. If you know what I mean.all promises are broke . Every time he says he going to do something it either don`t get done or gets half done.like today he said I will
Have the trash picked up from his computer and 10 loads of laundry. Yes I knew it was to high of a goal I would have been happy a couple loads of laundry trash picked up. You know what was done 1 load of laundry .I was at
Work 8 hrs and all he did was one load of laundry . I say something to him on this he drops a lit ciggerate(bad spelling) on the floor while telling me he don`t care. Taking the dsl modem from me . OK it started like this I came home he wasn`t home I went to his moms and gave his moms boyfriend some chocolate cand since I work in a chocolate factory .this I was asked to do by my boyfriend. OK I set there a bit my feet hurt.well my boyfriend and his moms boyfriend don`t like each other.I got dirty looks I told him I was resting my feet before I walked home. Well he said then internet wasn`t working .I was like did you call them nhe said no.so I sat awhile while he left and went with him sisters boyfriend.I went home and called and fixed the net.then got hungry took my can soup to his moms to eat because we have no fridge or stove or microwave yet.on my way down I noticed he was at his sisters. Well I figured if he wanted to spend time with me he would come do that.well went and cooked my soup ate it . Was a little fustrated so I went to his sisters . Asked him what he was doing.
Waiting for the laundry to dry so I waited with him . He never spoke to me till the laundry was done then he said take this over there and throw it at him. It was a bag of clean dry towels of his mothers so I did and came back . He said nothing to me just got rdy to leave I followed .we got outside I said I need to barrow some dog food from his moms for our dog so I went in to his moms asked for some dog food and I got it got in his moms truck with dead tags with my boyfriend . We rode home. Get home . He goes straight to park magnager and begins to chat with him. I told him to try and hurry . I heard he was going to go do some under the table work at 6pm and it was almost five I need some stuff off his computer wich I couldn`t find.well it takes him 25mins to come inside. He gives me dirty looks and says you know what you haven`t done since you got home. I am like what . He messes around making his lips like kissing. I said I know I haven`t kissed you . You haven`t seemed to have wanted to be near me for more then 2 minutes.then he proceeds to go off on me . So I say calm down why you acting like this .I was trying to talk to him not start a fight but it seems he wanted a fight so he could leave then he proceeds to drop the cig. He tose the dsl modem around in the air I say . I work and am paying the bills what are you going to take the only thing I have to do from me besides work? he gets even more y and throws the modem on the couch by me and leaves. On his way out I said I wish you would learn the saying do on to other as you wish they would do onto you.

What does this mean .am I stupid . Some part of me wants to give up.save my money and move out another part of me says you love him you can`t just give up. I am so confussed . No matter what I say its not right.I can`t be unhappy or he yells at me makes it my fault.turning it on me . I wait till he leaves and cry .cause I can`t find anything else to do . It hurts.

Kind of simple hun. He takes you for granted. He doesn't respect you.

You're too availablr too him. He walks all over you.

Sorry for the tough love. You really should not be in this relationship at all.

I didn`t think so .but come nov will tell all I will find out if my 3 reason for living are still there . I don`t have time to move out . Get away .before then.I have no money right now so .I am pretty well skrewed I have no family .I am all alone besides my 3 angels which may be gone soon.

Cess - hun, you have to be tough about this.

He doesn't work?

He did got fired .I just started working last Saturday. Be strong I can`t when your strong for so long there is a point when you can`t do it anymore. That is where I am .

I just got through reading your life's story... Sorry, but after waking up and reading your last post, I've come to the personal conclusion that you have not made any choices here. You will not make any staying in the 'feel sorry for me' level. You are not the only one with problems that get over our heads, and will not be the last. Yes your childhood was good, but too controlled? How do you feel about being controlled now? You have had three children, then out of a whim left them with an underaged 'nanny'. We have been on soapbox after soapbox with our opinions here and I bet you did not take much time reading them. I am truly sorry about your previous life, and your current situation. Did you get your kids back? Do you think that living the way you do right now is the right environment for them? You left home early, your kids will do the same unless you do something to change. You had fights in school and bullied others. Your kids will do the same as hey pick things up like a sponge,and what they are soaking up right now is not healthy for their growth nor yours. If I were you, I'd get a place, no matter how small, concentrate on your children and start a life without men for a while. You are still dwelling on the past but have not learned from it and your kids need you. They lost a father - how do you think they feel losing you too? The heck with wanting to know why about these types of guys , dump him and give you and your children another chance to have a healthy and active life.

Your questions starting this thread should have been: how do I go on raising my children as best as I can?; how and why is it important to have a stable environment for them?; how can I help them get over their loss and where can I go to get assistance in helping my kids grow up to be educated, healthy, and selfsupporting individuals?

Until the questions are answered by you and others, forget about the simple questoins about men and throw this one out of your life. Good luck in getting to know your kids better.

As I said before . I do not have enough time before nov to get my own place. There is no way I could now. I am doing what I can and have to do to get them back. But , its hard to try when one child doesn`t think your there mom the other younger one knows who you are but don`t care either way . And the oldest keeps telling childern services that he don`t care where he goes as long as he can see his friends . That there makes me want to give up. But I keep going .I keep trying . As for leaveing my boyfriend I fell in love with him and since our last fight I posted we have gotten along fine . All I want to do is fix my place up have my childern with me clean house cook food . I don`t need anything else. As long as I do thoughs things my boyfriend and I will not fight . I keep my mouth shut and it will work out fine .If I can get the house fixed up that is .

OK, I know where you are coming from, you are giving up and compromising in your present relationship so that you can gain your children back. No matter what you do, you know it's going to be a very touch road and I wish there were someone else there to help you along your way, I truly do. Because he will set off on you if you don't do exactly what he wants when he wants it. He will hold this over your head until you have your kids, which might take a long time, as there are mixed feelings there with them about you, and a court or other public office will probably have to get involved here - I hope to your advantage. Since you have a 'past' you will have to do a bit of convincing there too. Boy, if you succeed in this goal that you set for yourself, you'll be able to handle anything else that comes your way. Your children might get to know you and love you all over again, they have probably been manipulated against you and will also need some professional assistance. I know you'll think this will cost, but there should be churches, child centers, and other agencies that offer help to the needy, so try your best to find the help you and the kids need once together again. I sure hope that by Christmas, you will be able to have a picture taken where all of you are smiling and anxious to start on your new lives together.
But after this long road is over, I'd still kick the jerk out - this however, is only my opinion. Good Luck.

When men make a comment they are to the point and that's the end of that; as far as they are concerned. Why keep pondering on the subject when each has given their opinion? Some women like to keep the subject going until all related questions are answered; some as if they are writing a book on the subject. When we disagree he makes his comment; I make mine and that ends it. We each think about what the other said,respect their opinion and move on. Sometimes it still hurts but you can't let it interfere with the love and life you share.

When men make a comment they are to the point and that's the end of that; as far as they are concerned. Why keep pondering on the subject when each has given their opinion? Some women like to keep the subject going until all related questions are answered; some as if they are writing a book on the subject. When we disagree he makes his comment; I make mine and that ends it. We each think about what the other said,respect their opinion and move on. Sometimes it still hurts but you can't let it interfere with the love and life you share.
Good question, about the pondering, since the last post here was in October...

By the way, welcome to the forum and I hope you find some interesting current posts to answer to. Enjoy your stay with us, as this is one of the best forums you could ever have joined!
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I was hoping some men can answer a few quetions for me.

1: why do men complety ignore women when they are hurting?

2: Why do men always flip a agrument around like they did nothing wronge?

3: if you get in a fight with your women .why is the first things said is to get the hell out?

4: when that happens when the arguement is over . why do you tell that women you love them?

thats all i can think of right now i am sure i will find more quetions.

Well let me tell you why guys do that. Simple. Guys have two sides on and off. Women have so much stuff going on in there heads. Similar to all the controls in an airplane cockpit.

So, basically most men are stupid. On or off. Women, well they are complicated.

Well let me tell you why guys do that. simple. guys have two sides on and off. women have so much stuff going on in there heads. similar to all the controlls in an airplane cockpit.

so, basically most men are stupid. on or off. women, well they are complicated.

For a man to state that men are stupid seems illogical to me and not too self-confident.

Also, when men state the women are as complicated as a cockpit, it, to me, means that "I've tried it, didn't understand it, so giving up"
Which is the same as "been there, done that, and too hard for me to waste my time and/or energy on"

For a man to state that men are stupid seems illogical to me and not too self-confident.

Also, when men state the women are as complicated as a cockpit, it, to me, means that "I've tried it, didn't understand it, so giving up"
Which is the same as "been there, done that, and too hard for me to waste my time and/or energy on"

OK, I understand how you feel about that. First men are stupid and I'm sure you have said that to yourself or your girlfriends. Yes?
Not self-confident... not what I mean.
Giving up... no, again not what I mean.
Men and women do stupid stuff when it comes to a relationship. I have done stupid stuff. But, it's OK and I accept that. I know when I do stupid stuff I simply take responsibility for my actions. And, I laugh and say boy men are stupid.

ok, i understand how you feel about that. first men are stupid and i'm sure you have said that to yourself or your girlfriends. yes?
not self-confident... not what i mean.
giving up... no, again not what i mean.
men and women do stupid stuff when it comes to a relationship. i have done stupid stuff. but, it's ok and i accept that. i know when i do stupid stuff i simply take responsibility for my actions. and, i laugh and say boy men are stupid.

I agree: WE ALL do stupid things in life, and mostly when it comes to relationships. But we have the ability to learn from our mistakes. This makes us unique. I've never considered a man stupid, just some of the things he does, as well as the stupid things women do. That's why there are forums like this - because we all have a few quirks and need help working them out. The great thing about life, we always have another day to look forward to and something new to learn.

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I agree: WE ALL do stupid things in life, and mostly when it comes to relationships. But we have the ability to learn from our mistakes. This makes us unique. I've never considered a man stupid, just some of the things he does, as well as the stupid things women do. That's why there are forums like this - because we all have a few quirks and need help working them out. The great thing about life, we always have another day to look forward to and something new to learn.

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Thanks chery for understanding my statement. Correct! The things men/women do are stupid. That is what I meant.;)

Ok I have been gone awhile . Thought I would update a little . I am no longer with the same guy I have moved away and still speak with him but I rufuse to see him in person . I don`t want contact so I don`t have that erge to return to where I had someone even though he only acted like he cared once and awhile. I have gotten a job and will be getting a place on the feb 9th 2006 and my childern will be being returned to me at that time.
I hope you all like the update I am proud I finally got the guts to leave even knowing how hard it was to do it I think it is for the best.:)

Ok i have been gone awhile . thought i would update a little . i am no longer with the same guy i have moved away and still speak with him but i rufuse to see him in person . i don`t want contact so i don`t have that erge to return to where i had someone even tho he only acted like he cared once and awhile. i have gotten a job and will be getting a place on the feb 9th 2006 and my childern will be being returned to me at that time.
I hope you all like the update i am proud i finally got the guts to leave even knowing how hard it was to do it i think it is for the best.:)Dear Cess, I'm so glad you finally reached your goal! I too am proud of you and hope that all will be well from now on. You will have other problems to face in the future - with your children, but believe me, those problems will be worth solving any time!
My heart is filled with happiness and all the best wishes in the world for you and hope that you remember us when those hard times come along - it's easier when you have someone to share with and not keep it bottled up. So, please don't forget to keep us posted.

Again, Good Luck to you and your Angels!

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Cess! Fantastic! I am proud of you. Your life will be so much better.

Cess! Fantastic! I am proud of you. Your life will be so much better.

I hope so . I am not so sure . To be honest I am scared. I hate being alone.

I hope so . I am not so sure . to be honest i am scared. i hate being alone.Dear Cess, your statement boggles me, you won't be alone! You will have those that you fought for with you, your children! Now is the right time to reflect and get to know each other and get into a trustful routine with them, they are your only stronghold in the future! Men will come and go, but your children will be there for you and you will be there for them. If you think that's loneliness then please re-think. To hold, love, play, laugh, and even have a few spats with them will bond you with more than a man can give you right not. Once this is established, they will probably be more tuned in what type of man is right for their mom and will warn you if the guy is not right. This is your family, for goodness sake, and you need their warmth and trust as much as they need yours.

Now, concentrate on this and you will be rewarded more than you can imagine. Please don't waste the time you have with them, as when they grow and leave the 'nest' you will want to be welcome no matter where they are, in their homes and in their hearts. This will be one of the hardest jobs in your life and needs your full concentration right now.

After this, there will always be time for men - and who knows, they might appreciate a more mature mother who did a job well, than a wishy washy 'dish' or one night stand. This experience will surely make you more proud and valuable to others as well.

Lots of Love and Luck!

Chery

First of all. You are presumptious in your posts. Your lumping all men in one category and assume that they are all the same. I can not answer those questions. First of all, When my wife and I argue we talk things out and work them out. We do not yell at each other, we both get upset when we argue and do not like it. There is no telling her to get the ---- out. I prefer to work things out right away. Or calm down first. I never ignore my wife, maybe if I am upset and can not talk and my wife usually knows why. Just because there may be fights and arguments does not mean that there is no love there and why would you assume that? Unless maybe you personally do not have any more love for the man. Joe

Well time to update you all again. I am still working still have not gotten a place I am staying at a shelter saving my money to get a place. I have not returned to my x and even avoid him as much as I can . He been trying to get me to meet with him but I tell him I have to work even if I don`t. I have desided to think of my childern then myself and intill I am happy in them to areas I can`t be happy with anything else. I am working hard and will be able to keep everyone more up to date not that I sent this link to my email from my other email. Because at work I can get my Yahoo email but not my hotmail so . But anyway I am realizing where I have skrewed up and am stepping up for the challenge that is most inportant to me.

Avoiding is NEVER a good idea. You can only take control when you confront your demons. Owning up to your insecurities is the most empowering thing you can do for YOURSELF!! Meet with him, and put this mess behind you. I almost guarantee you that it won't be as bad as you think.

Jeff - sorry, but that's a really bad idea in this case. Please be careful in what type of advice you're giving out. She needs to stay away from her ex for good. Please again - avoid giving advice on some of these topics. This isn't isn't rah, rah go out and do it advice - this is serious stuff. This is real life situation stuff - and even life or death. Not some bimbo broke up with you and broke your heart stuff. Cess's life is a lot different than yours. Please take much better care in what you say.

Cess - good for you!! Sounds like things are beginning to get better!! God bless!! Keep working hard!!

Well time to update you all again. I am still working still have not gotten a place i am staying at a shelter saving my money to get a place. i have not returned to my x and even avoid him as much as i can . he been tring to get me to meet with him but i tell him i have to work even if i don`t. i have desided to think of my childern then myself and intill i am happy in them to areas i can`t be happy with anything else. i am working hard and will be able to keep everyone more up to date not that i sent this link to my email from my other email. because at work i can get my yahoo email but not my hotmail so . but anyway i am realizing where i have skrewed up and am stepping up for the challenge that is most inportant to me.

Good for you dear, and you know that anytime you need help with your stress, or with the kids - we are here 24/7 - and we don't judge.
Hope you'll have the opportunity to see a family therapist or go to a family center and get to know other single moms with problems to share solutions with. At any rate - remember, you are not alone in this.

Keep us posted.

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1: why do men complety ignore women when they are hurting?

My girlfriend seems to be hurting all the time
It seems to be a cry for attention that I don't want to encourage
I do take care of her when it really matters

2: Why do men always flip a agrument around like they did nothing wronge?

I always try to show my girlfriend how I feel by imitating her actions so she can experience my feelings because I can't communicate them any other way
Example : like the other day we are laying in bed at night and I leave to get a drink. I come back and I notice that she is naked so she wants sex but doesn't do anything so I don't do anything either. Then about 30min later she leaves the room and I strip and lay under the covers she comes in and I don't do anything either. This was to show her how I feel about starting the process all the time.

3: if you get in a fight with your women .why is the first things said is to get the hell out?

Poor comunication skills I do it because I don't want to answer a question and I don't want to hear naging to do so that is eaven more iritating. Whenever I want something I work for it (get her flowers or a ring or take her to a special dinner or somethin). Whenever my girl wants something she nags me for it.

4: when that happens when the argument is over . Why do you tell that women you love them?

I don't do this because I'm always right



I would really apreciate coments on this post
Thank you

1: why do men complety ignore women when they are hurting?

my girlfriend seems to be hurting all the time
it seems to be a cry for attention that i dont want to encourage
i do take care of her when it realy matters

2: Why do men always flip a agrument around like they did nothing wronge?

i always try to show my girlfriend how i feel by imitating her actions so she can experiance my feelings because i can't comunicate them any other way
example : like the other day we are laying in bed at night and i leave to get a drink. I come back and i notice that she is naked so she wants sex but doesnt do anything so i dont do anything either. Then about 30min later she leaves the room and i strip and lay under the covers she comes in and i dont do anything either. This was to show her how i feel about starting the process all the time.

3: if you get in a fight with your women .why is the first things said is to get the hell out?

poor comunication skills i do it because i dont want to answer a question and i dont want to hear naging to do so that is eaven more iritating. Whenever i want something i work for it (get her flowers or a ring or take her to a special dinner or somethin). Whenever my girl wants something she nags me for it.

4: when that happens when the arguement is over . why do you tell that women you love them?

i dont do this because im always right



i would realy apreciate coments on this post
thank you

SORRY TO SAY THIS, But if you don't take the time to read the entire thread, and have not had the experience that this young lady has had, then your comment here is totally inappropriate.

If you want to be a serious member of this forum, give people a fair chance and get to know the whole picture. This, as I said in your other post, is very self-centered and immature.

Please show a little more courtesy and compassion in your next comments. Thanks.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_12_7.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)Walk a mile in the other person's shoes before you make a judgement.

Hey all I have been kind of depressed the last 2 days I guess its because I talked to my x 2 days ago and he said some things that pissed me off. The main comment was this

"If i wanted my car back bad enough i would just get back with you and have you give me it then leave you"

That comment hurt so bad . I am not sure why but it did I get teary eyed every time I mention it. But I am proud of my response to this was

"That wouldn`t happen i would take you back"

But I don`t know if that is true the more I think about it the more unsure I am . Deep insides its telling me NO don`t set yourself to get hurt again and that comment proved it. But is it wronge for me to want someone to hold me on my bad days some one to curl up with . I just want someone to love me that's it and how it seems the only one who has ever loved me and will ever love me is 6 ft under. I am just depressed I guess. I am also at work and just trying to keep my cool . But its hard . Everyday I want to cry but I can`t because that's a weakness and I am not weak . (I know some say this is not true but it is what my mother has always told me)

Cess - don't ever go back to this guy - that's massive ABUSE by him.'

WHY are you calling him anyway??

He doesn't love you - that's abuse.

It's OK to cry. Let it out. It's good for a woman to do that.

SORRY TO SAY THIS, But if you don't take the time to read the entire thread, and have not had the experience that this young lady has had, then your comment here is totally inappropriate.

If you want to be a serious member of this forum, give people a fair chance and get to know the whole picture. This, as I said in your other post, is very self-centered and immature.

Please show a little more courtesy and compassion in your next comments. Thanks.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_12_7.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)Walk a mile in the other person's shoes before you make a judgement.



Would you give it up I don't need someone like you to tell me how to answer a question, I am quite capable myself... grow up

I don`t call him . My x bugged my mom so much she gave him my cell phone number. I am trying to stay strong its hard . Saturday I have to see my x to get my car seats back I am dreading it . Well **** today is Saturday at least where I am . I am so scared I wish I had someone to go with me but I don`t. I am leacing all my money and anything inportant at home because I fon`t even trust myself I am scared I am going to melt infrount of him . But I need my seats its rough driving when you can`t reach the petals.

would you give it up I dont need someone like you to tell me how to answer a question, I am quite capable myself...grow up


Ok for 1 chery is right on what she told you for 2 I will ask you nicely please don`t start trouble on here and please not on my post .


Thanks
Cess

1. I don't think men completely ignore women when they are hurting maybe some but a good one won't, however I do think a lot of women hurt and don't tell there man so how can he do anything about it if he doesn't know.
2. As the fliping the argument around I think both women and men are equally guilty for this as most people are usually stubbern in admitting that there wrong.
3. I think that it just comes out because it would hurt the other person, if you think about it when your mad at someone your not caring if you hurt them emotionally.
4. Usually because you do love them. Just because you said some nasty things doesn't mean they meant them. Just because people argue doesn't mean they don't love you, it just means there flustered with whatever at that moment and they take it out in well not the best way but men aren't the only ones quilty of this it happens to the best of us.

p.s. Im not a professional, everything I say in regards to anything is just my personal opinon.

I'm a man and don't do any of the things you mention.

Dear cess how are you now?
Don't ever go back to this guy, and if you can't avoid meeting him for some reason, please remember THE BAD TIMES YOU HAD WITH HIM and don't ever forget he's NOT the guy to curl with when things are bad, but rather one of the most frequent reasons for you feeling low.
I wish you the best of luck, and remember we're here to help you through, even if it's only through the forum.
Bless you,
Ahuva

dear cess how are you now?
dont ever go back to this guy, and if you can't avoid meeting him for some reason, please remember THE BAD TIMES YOU HAD WITH HIM and dont ever forget he's NOT the guy to curl with when things are bad, but rather one of the most frequent reasons for you feeling low.
i wish you the best of luck, and remember we're here to help you through, even if it's only through the forum.
bless you,
ahuva


I am doing great now . I am never going back . But not sure if I should move on to anouther guy even though we both like each other .

Of course you should. But, maybe you need time to yourself right now and clear oyur head?

:) Hi Cess!
I think you should give yourself more time.
Maybe you should first make your bond with your children stronger before you get yourself involved into another relationship with someone new.
As far as I can see , I think that the bond with your kids should come first, and I think you need to offer them and yourself more time.
I still think they are your most important thing.
Apart from this, maybe you shouldn't rush into another relationships so soon after you had a bad relationship,
Give yourself time, get to know this new man better, deeper.
And never consider yourself "incomplete" without a man at your side - learn to love and appreciate yourself - this will give you a better chance for a healthy future relationship with a man who will, in turn, appreciate and cherish you.
I wish you and your kids a good fortune and a bright future.
Millie

:) Hi Cess!
I think you should give yourself more time.
Maybe you should first make your bond with your children stronger before you get yourself involved into another relationship with someone new.
As far as I can see , I think that the bond with your kids should come first, and I think you need to offer them and yourself more time.
I still think they are your most important thing.
Apart from this, maybe you shouldnt rush into another relationships so soon after you had a bad relationship,
Give yourself time, get to know this new man better, deeper.
And never consider yourself "incomplete" without a man at your side - learn to love and appreciate yourself - this will give you a better chance for a healthy future relationship with a man who will, in turn, appreciate and cherish you.
I wish you and your kids a good fortune and a bright future.
Millie


I wasn`t going to jump right in . Was just going to go out with him sometimes . And talk . I am not going to let him move in or anything like I have all my other men .

Hi Cess!
I'm relieved to hear that.
Have a good life,
Millie

Don`t worry he kissed me and now is avoiding me . I guess I must be a bad kisser :( that would be the first guy to ever say or intisapate that.

Dear Cess,
I think these lines actually shed light over the topic I had in mind: invest energy in your kids and in yourself esteem.
Your worth is in your eyes, a better self value - and your value doesn't depend on the guy you're out with - there could be an endless number of reasons he left - many of them might have to do with him, and not you. Some might have to do with you but in a different aspect: for example: you might be such a good kisser, he got scared to get too involved if HE'S not ready.
stay cool and good luck,
Millie :)

Pardon the "jump in", but since I keep seeing this in new posts and haven't piped in yet: This is a reply to the original question only:

"Men" are not like that.
Men who do not care about their partner are like that.
Men who think the "golden rule" is stupid are like that.

Men who truly care, and who truly love you are not like that.