I Have been in a bad situation for almost a year. A year in November. I started a new job last July, and had become personally close with a co-worker who is now my supervisor from my switching departments. We became physical with each other. We have a very good "relationship". When we are together in work and outside of work we talk and go do things more than we are physical. We have only been "all the way" Maybe 20 times, 25 times in almost a year. It has come to the point where I would love to have more from this man, and he would want more from me if only he weren't married. I know it's a horrible thing. We talk everyday, see each other everyday. I know it is not just because we are physical is why he is seeing him. I KNOW it. I don't know what to do. I leave my man to go see him, mostly because he is just so much more affectionate and caring than my own boyfriend, and that is what I am seeking, and he is giving it to me. I don't want to end it, he doesn't want to. But I am tearing myself apart inside.

It's called an affair.

I think you may need some help here from a Therapist - because you committed TWO massive no-no's in relationships.

1. Having anything to do with a married man (he most likely will NEVER leave his wife for you - it happens about 3% of the time) - he is using you.

2. Never get involved with some one at work AND NOW HE IS YOUR FREAKING SUPERVISOR?? The old saying - NEVER dip your pen in the company ink. EVER!!

This a REALLY BAD situation that will never change. It's been a YEAR and he is still with his wife right??

I reall yfeel bad for your boy friedn - leave him.

This is a REALLY BAD situation. One of the worst I've heard here. This is REALLY unhealthy. Wives despise woman like you.

You have no 'relationhip' with this man as you can not even go around as a couple - this is a lie and a farse.

I have never heard that saying before: Don't dip your pen in the company ink. I might have to use that one.

Now, a woman view. Not only do wives despise women like you, all women despise women like you.

I can call off about 50 to 100 men who have cheated on their wives, however, I can tell you that 0 have left their wives for the other woman.

Never ever get involved with a co-worker. Never ever ever ever get involved with your supervisor.

I am the type of woman who will not play backseat to another woman... period. I guess that myself esteem won't allow me to only be with a man if I can keep a secret.

Last but not least, why are you allowing this head to have the best of both worlds? He can have the happy, fairytale, nuclear family as well as the plaything on the side and what makes you even more attractive is the fact that you two work together and you are pretty much available to him as much as his wife is. He then goes home and plays daddy dearest, you are the furthest thing on his mind... until the next morning and you are at home, left with regrets, and frustration.

I know that you are both right. It's not that I am in love with him, I know he will never leave his wife for me. If anything ever did happen between them that they got divorced that's the only time we would ever be together which even then I doubt I would. I like how he makes me feel, we both tell each other our problems, in my relationship in his, we give each toerh advice, we enjoy each others company. I wish I could just say it's done with, but I would stilll have to see him everyday at work, and that I would not want to deal with.

He likes how he makes you feel because he is using you - there are no strings for him.

"Not only do wives despise women like you, all women despise women like you." A lot of guys despise you as well.

Get some freaking therapy - I amserious. Leave you boy friend and this guy and find a real MAN WHO IS FREAKING AVAILABLE.

Listen to Letmeno - she is EXACTLY right - only be with available men.

I can't freaking imagine what they say at work about you two - not to mention A LOT of companies would fire BOTH OF YOU!! Do you understand??

This guy is scum - he should be scum to you. HE IS MARRIED!! HELLO?? You guys haven't been together that much BECAUSE HE CAN'T AND Won't!!

Hello?? Lets get some logic in here!! You woman rely on feelings WAY too much and it gets you in trouble.

Oh yeah - he's a cheater (And you are a cheater) - he'll cheat on you and probably has. See Jude Law.

In short, people just want what they can't (or perhaps I should say shouldn't) have. The thrill of the affair only last as an affair, then your only left on would have could have should have but didn't. End it and learn from your mistakes.

Good Luck!

There are two kinds of desires
1) A desire that can be satisfied.
2) A desire that can't be satisfied.

You desired a man to support you emotionally, to make you feel nice about yourself, to make you complete, to stand by you whenever you feel sad/lonely, to make your day. However, such desires can't be satisfied because you could never have enough of it. Being involved with a married man and also a co-worker would have detrimental effects on your emotional stability and your career. You might not know what's eating you inside even though you know that what you are doing isn't going to last forever or get over with a smile on your face. All you got to do is talk to your own self. Change brings growth, growth brings wisdom. Its time you change your attitude towards your own desires and move on. Only when you are convinced that you have seen it all, when you have seen your desires been fulfilled, you can contemplate on how would you end this chapter without any discomfort to anyone of you. Do not suppress your feelings please. Understand the situation and act accordingly.

I can call off about 50 to 100 men who have cheated on their wives, however, I can tell you that 0 have left their wives for the other woman.

Never ever get involved with a co-worker. never ever ever ever get involved with your supervisor.

Yup, I agree (this from a man, and a person in management).

Didn't you just post a "menage trois" thread? What if she has like 5 - 6 orgasms in physical get togethers with him? Would you change your advices?

:D (Just kidding... don't mind me.)

1. Having anything to do with a married man (he most likely will NEVER leave his wife for you - it happens about 3% of the time) - he is using you.

Can I have the source for this stat? :D

Overall, great advice.

Don't feel like you are the only one in this type of triangle. Many songwriters wrote their best songs through the same type of experiences. Unfortunately though, if you tell him you want to call it off, he could jeapardize your job - be on the lookout for another one, just to be safe. If you have never heard of a singer called Millie Jackson, try to find some of her old soundtracks, one is called 'feelin' y' and there is a song also called 'if loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right' - just to distract your loneliness when at home... Anastacia "Not that kind of Girl" also will make you feel it was written just for you...

But seriously, I hope you can get a new job in a new town and get rid of this very deep ache that will only make you loose in the end.

Now here comes the mean part in me out - When together, complain that he's not doing 'something' right, to move this way and that, (if you know what I mean), get an attitude that he will not appreciate, maybe he'll call it off on his side and look for some new topping for his cake. You need to do something to keep your mental health - because NO MAN or his (part of anatomy) is worth going through the stress that you are. You would be better off alone, or getting a four legged man i.e. a cat or dog. And as far as advice in the work place - there are other's who will appreciate your experience and knowledge without having to share your bed also, and will respect you all the more for it.

No matter what you choose, I wish you all the best.;)

It's in a lot of publications out there - it's so low it's not even funny.

AND when some one does get a divorce there are normally 2 to 4 rebound relationhips where they kind of use someone.

Yup, I agree (this from a man, and a person in management).

Didn't you just post a "menage trois" thread? What if she has like 5 - 6 orgasms in physical get togethers with him? Would you change your advices?

:D (Just kidding ... don't mind me.)
Hey!! I didn't say it was a smart thing to do. :o

To those in the first few posts... Dont make assumptions until you have walked in someone's exact shoes! KEVSGRL: I understand how you are feeling, I have been in the same situation since March, although mine has a girlfriend not a wife. As for your job situation, he may get moved again, that's what happened to my guy. Whether he will continue to still talk to you after that is a whole different box of rocks. If he does, you will just get more involved emotionally and your hole dug deeper. It seems as though you are really falling for this guy. He may say he is falling for you as well, but he knows he can get "it" from you at anytime so that is why he may be telling you this (altho my guy has never confessed this, I can see it in his eyes) I know that when you are with him it feels awesome and perfect but doesn't it hurt when you leave each other afterwords? Even when I'm driving home from my guys place in the early morning I sometimes start to sob. How do you feel when you think of him and his wife together? Unless you take the direct action, this will probably not change, if you find an easy and painless way to do it by all means please share. You will have had more courage than I. Someday it will end, probably by his wife finding out and stopping it, that's what I'm assuming will happen in my case. I know its hard. Its wrong and its painful, but one day we will look back at this and never understand why we did something so stupid in the first place. :rolleyes:

I have been in the same situation since March, altho mine has a girlfriend not a wife.

This is NOT the same situation. Far from it. Just ask the wife and their children.

Women don't get this - these guys are cheaters - they haven't left their other woman - HELLO?? What don't you get??

They are having their cake and eating it too.

Once a cheater, always a cheatere. See Jude Law. He will eventually chaet on you.

They haven't left yet and most often never do.

You guys are the mistress - the girl he can't be in public with, take to his family, the one he LAUGHS about with his friends, the one he uses. HELLO??

You are #2 - always will be.

And a guy who has a girl friend?? If he hasn't left her yet since March?? My god - are you that dumb??

Sorry for the tough love - but what don't you get??

It's all in making choices, either learned from early childhood where all types of abusive relationships were 'normal', or looking for love in all the wrong places and not learned self-confidence yet - like the most dumb phrase in life "maybe I deserve it" sticks to you like glue. One can also feel comfortable in a situation where the other can never get too close - then you are not ready for a real relationship, and you tell yourself that it's 'better than none'. Eventually you'll get tired of playing those games and start really living. But no matter how much advice you get, it's YOUR choice to make and live with. The best to all who feel left out... Nobody is ever 100 percent happy.

It's a very wrong place. HOW ABOUT FINDING AN AVAILABLE GUY. Why an unavailble guy?? You can't even really go out in public comfortably with these guys.

[QUOTE=keriellen2] KEVSGRL: I understand how you are feeling, I have been in the same situation since March, although mine has a girlfriend not a wife.

He may say he is falling for you as well, but he knows he can get "it" from you at anytime so that is why he may be telling you this (altho my guy has never confessed this, I can see it in his eyes)

I know that when you are with him it feels awesome and perfect but doesn't it hurt when you leave each other afterwords? Even when I'm driving home from my guys place in the early morning I sometimes start to sob.

How do you feel when you think of him and his wife together? Unless you take the direct action, this will probably not change, if you find an easy and painless way to do it by all means please share.

No one is judging this young lady. We all make super huge mistakes all of the time.
1. If you can not lay in his arms all night long and cuddle.
2. If either one of you cannot openly show your love for each other.
3. If he can not speak to you around certain people.
4. If either one of you have to park your vehicles in a "bat cave" or other hiding spots when you two meet up
5. If the thought of running into each other w/ his sinifigant other makes you want to puke.
If any of the above pertains to you, you are dating way below your standards. After you leave the man you love for the evening you should be walking on air, not crying!

If you like to throw out such advice let us know where these men are, by all means! You don't seem like one either.

There's a healthy way to live and love,and there's what you have a very unhealthy way to live and love! The very fact that you feel torn apart is reason enough to take a closer look at your actions!You are willing to cheat on your b/f to have that emotional cuddle ,but you sacrifice your mental and emotional self to get it,that's the easy way out and have you overlooked the fact you should be talking to your b/f about your needs instead of cheating with a cheater,you two probably deserve each other since neither cares about the important people in their lives,so selfish of you both.Trust me you will never be happy until you grow up and learn to live a healthy life.:cool:

Ok I don't know who came up with the theory that all woman will hate you for this... I don't! I have been tempeted myself to be with a married man... however I did not because they had a child and I would never interfer between a family... I would however rethink it if they did not have a child. Does anybody take into consideration that there is something wrong with both yours and his relationship. Both of you need to rethink what you want from each other. If his relationship with his wife was wonderful he would never have touched you or continued this... believe it or not females,men are far more devoted to there wife's than the female is to there husbands! However, if you expect him to leave his wife... dont... I agree he probably won't! Go somewhere clear your head... and than face both of them after you have decided on what you want to do!

The cheating married guy will lie cheat and steal to get a woman into bed. They prey on insecure, low self esteem women. 99% of them will NEVER leave their wife. They will tell you anything - even if their wife thinks the marriage is great.

You must have low self esteem to have to consider a married guy and all his baggage.

There are so many single guys out there. Why go to a amrried guy - who is a liar and cheat? Two fine qualities in a person = nope.

It's the old: People want what they can't have.

Then the woman falls for the guy and just strings them along.

I agree with what you said... there really shouldn't be any reason why people should go after married men and they probably won't leave there wife's. But it is not always because of low self esteem... You don't plan on it. If you see someone on a daily basis and more than you do your boyfriend or whatever, the possibility of having feelings for that person rises. Now wheather it should or it shouldn't, its human nature.And I do agree we always want what we can not have... but before we take action we have to analyze everything before we jump... that is why I personaly did not take any action with the married man. I hope that she too, rethinks what she has done and confronts both the married mand and her boyfriend.

Where have you been. We have not heard from you for a while, and I hope you are OK. Please give us a sign that you are still around and let us know how things are going.

Please remember that once a man cheats, and is used to how easy it is to do, there will be one basis that you will never be able to be comfortable with and that's TRUST. Once a man gets used to that kind of routine he'll continue to do this for as long as he can get away with it - and where does that leave you?


The following are from previous advice given and they certainly apply here:



If you're feeling a little bit unable to cope, go easy. Give yourself the pep talk you need, and if that doesn't work, then find a way to pamper yourself until you're ready to make your move.

It's a great time to think about where you came from, where you are, and to start making some tentative movements toward where you want to go. Anything that you don't like now you can change.


I hope all is well and also that you reply as soon as you can. Remember, no matter what your choice, we are here for you and don't judge. We all need someone to talk to now and then, and we'll be here 24/7.

Good Luck!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_5_137.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)Yup, it really hurts sometimes!

The married guy cheated on his with you. He WILL one day cheat on you - no question.

Why would any women get involved with a liar and cheat? He completely deceived his family. What else is he lying about - money, finances, STD,

Hey, I have two friends who cheat on their wives - I hate it. I see what they do - they tell women ANYTHING to get them. And it's only for sex - AND thesewomen FALL for it - get feelings for these guys and TOTALLY get hurt and ruined.

You need to tell this guy to FILE for divorce foryou ever see him again.

He needs to SHOW you how he feels - not say it. Filing, and proof of filing will letyou know it's over with his wife.

You want what you can't have. The married guy. You got your husband. And don't even want to be with him. Why don't you grow up and tell your husband you want to break it off. You will be doing him a great favor. He will be crushed or maybe it will be easy once you tell him you're fu*&ing another man.
Either let you husband go. Or, start acting like the wife you're suppose to be.
This really makes me mad to realize there are women/men out there who do this crap. But, o well. It happens all the time.

Some women are like monkeys... they won't let go of a branch until they get ahold of another.

Well said my man - more and more women are cheating and feel no regrets about it. It's always the husbands fault right? Even though most women can not control their feelings and do not use logic.

In this case that gal was single. Being used by a married guy. The old married guy who lays on huge lines of BS to con the single gal into sex.

She had been with him for over a year - AND guess what? He was still with his wife!!

The stats say these guys only leave 3% of the time from their wife to the mistress.

In this case that gal was single. Being used by a married guy. The old married guy who lays on huge lines of BS to con the single gal into sex.
Correct! He lays down a huge line of BS. Yup. Glad someone out there understands what I'm talking about.

Break it off with your boyfriend immediately, you are cheating and while you can't really be expected to respect this married guys wife's feelings you damn well should respect your boyfriend's. Yeah you are behavign badly by carrying on an affair, but you are being a total b***h by cheating on your boyfriend and betraying his trust. Sorry, but that's the way I see it.

It's not only that it's "wrong" but it's really bad for your health. Don't you look at Court TV, girlfriend!! You took the first step by admitting that you have a problem and that it's tearing you up. So now, walk away. No, run away. Your heart will heal, trust me.. . And everyone else to e's you back.

If you are not happy in your relationship move on, do not hurt the guy you are with any longer, that is so sad, and as for the guy, you are leaving your boy friend for, of course he is going to be affectionate to you, you are different than his wife, but now you are hurting two people, it is truly sad, try finding some one that does not have a commitment to someone else.

Well put I always agree those strings will only lead to pain in the end... Live your life be free and enjoy things.

I know it may be the hardest thing for you to do but stop the affair. Stop lying to and cheating on your boyfriend. The man who is married is not good news. Even if he did leave his family for you would you ever truly be able to respect him or yourself in the relationship? This is not the way to go. Be true to yourself and as hard as it feels right now put an end to it before it goes too far and more people get hurt.

He won't leave his family - I promise you that - only 3% do.

It all sex to him - nothing more. If you can handle that, then I do advise counseling because this is REALLY unhealthy - one day you WILL realize this.

All I ask people with married guys is too STOP the sex, ask him to divorce... you WILL see where you stand... you WILL see him RUN!!

I think that's a good way of putting it wildcat21... stop the sex and see if he still sticks around and gets that divorce.

It truly is - then you see where you really stand.

BUT, they'll never do that... there in bad relationship/unhealthy realationship/used relationship... they are clueless.

Being a woman, you broke one of our most golden rules - don't do unto another woman what you would not want done unto you!

You know that any man who cheats on his spouse will cheat on the one he's cheating with - even if he leaves the spouse and marries you, you will never be able to trust him outside of his arms.

Second, the other rule you broke was to start something at work as wildcat said 'company ink'... NO, NO, NO, NEVER!

Now, as far as your boyfriend, tell him the truth, leave him and let him find his own share of happiness in this condemnable situation you created. You don't love him, because if you did you would not have done this to him. So be WOMAN enough to be fair to him and give him a chance to find happiness with a woman who will appreciate him and not just use him for a filler when the other c**k is not around (excuse the foul language, I'm not usually this irate!)

You are a woman who makes us all look bad and after reading some of the ways a lot of men have been treated here, you should have known better.

Yes, there are men who play with us and hurt us to no end, but that does not mean we have to lower ourselves to the worst animalistic level imaginable just for a romp in bed and maybe a promotion at the job. Those days should be gone - and it's women like you who keep this crap alive! This action of women like you puts us years back and it's Innocent women who have to go through hell to prove that we are not the evil sluts men think most women are.

So, I'm NOT sorry you have sleepless nights and can't find peace - you don't deserve it unless you make things right and stop this viscious pattern.

THIS IS MY OPINION, AND NOT THE OPINION OF ALL OF THE PEOPLE ON THIS FORUM AND I STAND FOR EVERY WORD I WROTE HERE!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_30.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)If at one time your heart ever warms up and you need someone to love you - it will be too late unless you give your evil ways up. P.S. HE'S NO BETTER THAN YOU EITHER!