I dated this girl for 2 and a half years and we loved each other very, very much. She broke up with me a month and half ago because she got tired of me verbally abusing her. After we broke up I finally realized my wrong doings and tried about 3 times in the following weeks to get back with her. It didn't work. I just found out a week ago that she has a new boyfriend... already!! And they go to separate colleges, she really likes him and she told me that there is no chance of us getting back together. I have not given her space and I keep pestering her... which I just stopped. I still love this girl more than anything! Is she truly over me or does she feel lonely and he is nothing but a rebound boyfriend? Is there still hope?

She is doing either one out of two things. She could have got a new b/f to make u jelous OR she truly likes this guy and has moved on. I'm sure u can tell by the way she reacts when u keep "pertering" her!

If you verbally abused her, she eventually got fed up and probably lost feelings for you towards the end without you realizing it. IF she really likes the guy then she REALLY has moved on, he might even be treating her better than you.

I dated this girl for 2 and half years and I verbally abused her, without fully realizing it. She broke up with me a month and a half ago. I have tried at least three times since then to get back together with her and I have honestly not given her space. I just found out a week and half ago she has a new boyfriend... already!! (They go to separate colleges) I know deep down she still has feelings for me. She told me recently that she is happy and she really likes this guy and that he treats her right, but it has only been a week or two. She has given me a chance to prove myself, to show I can change... but she said that doesn't mean we are getting back together. For now we are not speaking. So, is this a rebound boyfriend to fill the void in her heart and make her feel better or is she really over me??

Yes she got sick of it, but I still think that this new guy is just there to fill the hole in her heart. I know for a fact that she still has feelings for me... she has actually giving me a chance to prove myself to her... all I have to do is leave her alone for now and show her in time. What I am worried about is that they will still be dating when me and her start talking again.

Done wait. Move on. You can still love her but when she sees you happy and doing things wit out her it eat her up inside. And she will think twice about doiing this to you.

yes she got sick of it, but i still think that this new guy is just there to fill the hole in her heart. I know for a fact that she still has feelings for me..........she has actually givin me a chance to prove myself to her.....all i have to do is leave her alone for now and show her in time. What i am worried about is that they will still be dating when me and her start talking again.


YEA I don't know about that one.. I think if she's dated already and knows what else is out there that could be better. Why wait around? Yeas you love her but I definatley believe in learing the lessons of the bad relationships and moving on to something that you cherish more without the built up resentments. That way you know better on what to do the next time. BUT it's your time that you're putting in, so do what you will. Knowing is different than feeling what is right.

YEA I don't know about that one.. I think if she's dated already and knows what else is out there that could be better. Why wait around? yeas you love her but I definatley believe in learing the lessons of the bad relationships and moving on to something that you cherish more without the built up resentments. That way you know better on what to do the next time. BUT it's your time that you're putting in, so do what you will. Knowing is different than feeling what is right.

I think you are right... but I honestly feel this in my heart... I know when she sees me for the guy she originally fell in love with, she will see things different. And how much time is enough time... to give her??

I think you are right....but I honestly feel this in my heart.......I know when she sees me for the guy she originally fell in love with, she will see things different. And how much time is enough time...to give her????



Sometimes... though she might've convinced herself that you won't change and maybe it's only temporary that she wants to see whatis out there. I say that with time if she truly loves you she wouldn't be dating anyone and sitting around to think for herself if she decides to come back not dating another guy.. don't get your hopes up where you end up hurting yourself when she decides she's not coming back. You'll be OK, why go back when moving forward will be refreshing.

Let's hope so, because if this guy can offer what you can't she can forget about you but you should surprise her with something nice like sending her flowers and she might be thinking about you if this guy doesn't turn out to be superb.

I would be skeptical too if I was her. For 2 1/2 years you verbally abused her and now after 2 months you are no longer a abuser? I don't think that's enough time for anyone to get better unless you have spent the last 2 months in intense therapy - going everyday for at least an hour or longer - then I doubt you are really over your abusive ways. What she sees is that now that she is gone and is happy with someone else you now find a way to act like a decent person.

What it sounds like to me is that she is trying to move on with her life and you want to muscle back in. Have you thought about the psychological damage that you have inflicted upon her for all this time? Have you thought about how long its going to take her to build herself back up? Are you even aware of the fact that verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse?

I would be skeptical too if I was her. For 2 1/2 years you verbally abused her and now after 2 months you are no longer a abuser? I don't think thats enough time for anyone to get better unless you have spent the last 2 months in intense therapy - going everyday for at least an hour or longer - then I doubt you are really over your abusive ways. What she sees is that now that she is gone and is happy with someone else you now find a way to act like a decent person.

What it sounds like to me is that she is trying to move on with her life and you want to muscle back in. Have you thought about the psychological damage that you have inflicted upon her for all this time? Have you thought about how long its going to take her to build herself back up? Are you even aware of the fact that verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse?

No I was not aware of how bad I hurt her until the end. I talked to her the other day and she said to delete her number from my phone, forget about her, she doesn't care that she lost me forever... she was angry when she said this... I think if I give her a month then we can start talking again. Is that enough time?

sometimes... though she might've convinced herself that you won't change and maybe it's only temporary that she wants to see whatis out there. I say that with time if she truly loves you she wouldn't be dating anyone and sitting around to think for herself if she decides to come back not dating another guy.. don't get your hopes up where you end up hurting yourself when she decides she's not coming back. you'll be ok, why go back when moving forward will be refreshing.

Yes I agree with u, but I don't know... I just have see what happens.

No i was not aware of how bad i hurt her until the end. I talked to her the other day and she said to delete her number from my phone, forget about her, she doesnt care that she lost me forever..............she was angry when she said this......i think if i give her a month then we can start talking again. Is that enough time?

My friend you need to seek help. You blew it with this girl (its a wonder she stayed with you for 2.5 years). Now you refuse to accept it and are bordering on stalking her. If I were her and you tried to contact her in a month or whenever, I would call the police and have a restraining order placed on you.

You have an unhealthy obsession and you need counseling to deal with it. Please seek help and leave this poor girl alone. You have done enough to her.

No i was not aware of how bad i hurt her until the end. I talked to her the other day and she said to delete her number from my phone, forget about her, she doesnt care that she lost me forever..............she was angry when she said this......i think if i give her a month then we can start talking again. Is that enough time?

NO. She said to leave her alone why aren't you respecting her wishes? You seem to think she is playing a game she is trying to get away from her abuser! If you keep contacting her she is probably going to get a restraining order out against you. You have without a doubt not changed by forcing yourself back into her life all you are doing is showing her that hey I'm still a jerk who doesn't care what you want or what you are feeling. This is not something she is going to "get over". Dude you ABUSED HER. Do you not get that? You are an ABUSER.

Here is some information on the effects of being verbally abused:

Emotional Abuse - an article by psychotherapist Kali Munro (http://www.kalimunro.com/article_emotional_abuse.html)
Assessment Guide (http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/assessment_guide.html)


No i was not aware of how bad i hurt her until the end.

I believe you still do not understand how badly you hurt her. The psychological damage caused by verbal abuse has been found to be worse then physical abuse by psychologists. Think about that for a minute. You did more damage to her then someone who beats up his girlfriend. You are an abuser.

Hmmm... yea you guys are right... I mean I still love her a lot and last thing I want is a restraining order from her. So you guys think I shouldn't talk to her what-so-ever anymore. If I really want her back... what I am going to have to do?

Do not contact her again ever. She has asked you to delete her number and never call her again so do that.

I'm going to guess and say that any other relationship you get into the same problems will come out unless you seek some sort of counseling to stop being abusive to women. My guess is that you saw your mother or other women around you getting spoken to like they are lower then an animal growing up and you think that women deserve to be treated like garbage. So you need someone to help you work through your past and act like a respectable human being to women.

I told you what you should do, SEEK COUNSELING. But I will hold out some hope for you. In a year or so, after some good counseling, if the counselor feels you have a better understanding of why you abuse women and why you are so obsessed with this girl, then you MIGHT (if the counselor approves) attempt to contact her. But you NEED to do it through a third party first. Maybe you have a mutual friend. Have that friend find out if she is currently in a committed relationship. If she is not (and only then) have the friend approach her and talk to her about how much therapy you have gone through and how changed you are and give her the option of meeting with you. If she refuses, then forget her.

Whether you want to believe it or not, you learned a very hard lesson and should accept it and go on with your life.

The only thing you can do now is look forward, and hope that you don't revert back to your abusive stage when meeting someone new.

If you really are serious about wanting to change, then convince yourself that you wronged someone and you should not hurt her any more. Do some retrospective research and find the reason for your abusive ways, that way you can work on them to be certain that this will not happen again. If you don't feel like seeking out a therapist yet, then you could try taking an Anit-aggression Course in your community or find a group that deals with Verbal Abuse issues straight on. You took the first step by telling us that you did verbally abuse someone, without knowing it. That's the way all abusers start and progress. Admitting this and working on it is the right thing to do. Consider yourself luckier than some because she did not take legal steps against you - so keep it that way and leave her alone.

Get to the place where you start feeling good about yourself and then start over with someone new.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

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Hmmm... yea you guys are right... I mean I still love her a lot... I really want her back...


At this stage, you loved and miss the power you had over her... that's not loving her.

Right now you probably do want her back because you miss having someone to abuse.

Once you worked on your abusive nature and realize there is more to life than putting someone down, you'll not miss her at all. You'll be so ashamed of yourself that you'll probable not need to see her anymore, except to apologize.. but that's a long, long way down the road to your recovery.

Well I actually have been consistently seeing a therapist... once a week... I actually am a little worried that she might take legal actions. But other than the only thing I can do is go about my life like she doesn't exist... it is so hard and I Know I am not alone. Some part of me does truly love her and I want her to happy and I know by leaving her alone, that will come true. Underneath it all I still think in the back of my head that me and her have a chance... not anytime soon... but maybe in the future. I can't help but think that.

You need to stop thinking about her and move on. She obviously does not want you in her life. What does your therapist say about all of this?

Keep it in the back of your mind if you must, but way, way back.

Continue working on your recovery, as this is what it is, just like with an alcoholic - recovery. It will probably get worse before it gets better, but if you pull it through and feel good about yourself who knows what will happen 6 months or a year from now.

Just be prepared and accept that your life will be going through changes and so will her's.

Again, hang in there and good luck.

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I have told my therapist about her giving me another chance... and my therapist said I have to really focus on myself and not her what-so-ever. When I am ready then me and her should start talking again, but until then nothing... it is going to be a tough one!! I thought the only reason she didn't want me in her life is because I kept bothering her too much and if I gave her space then she MIGHT come around.

Well you should listen to your therapist. Right now your concern should be getting better so that you are a better person not so your ex will come back. Chances are by the time you are better she will be deep into her relationship or with someone else seriously and will not want anything to do with you. So you need to get better for you not for her.

It sounds like she's trying to move on. I'd do the same. I really don't see a reconciliation in the cards here. Remember, it didn't work out for a reason. You admit you verbally abused her. It's good that you can admit your shortcomings but she's not likely to be willing to take another chance with you only to get verbally abused by you all over again. Maybe you've really changed and that's great. If so, then let someone else be the beneficiary of the "new and improved" you.

Yes, I completely realize that 100%, its for me not her. I feel so bad for what I did to her that I feel like I need to make it all up to her and start over. I know that sounds so ridiculous. I no for a fact that she won't be deep into her relationship. They see each other once a week at the most... and just w/e, even when I do show her that I can be a good person and she says that she doesn't want me back, then that is OK because I Know in the end that I am a better person. I Know Deep Down That I Have To Try, she just needs space as of right now.

Why don't you make it up to her by getting better and treating the next girl amazing?

She is moving on and probably working out her issues from your relationship. It will not be beneficial to open this stuff back up. Once you are completely better maybe write her a letter apologizing for the things you have done and leave it at that.

IDK we will see happens.. I am honestly scared to move on... she was perfect in my image and I don't know if I can find another girl like her... you know the saying "If you set a butterfly free and it returns, it was always yours in the first place." My instincts tell me nothing will change, but my heart says other wise. Idk which one to listen to.

yes, i completely realize that 100%, its for me not her. I feel so bad for what i did to her that i feel like i need to make it all up to her and start over. i know that sounds so ridiculous. I no for a fact that she wont be deep into her relationship. they see eachother once a week at the most..........and just w/e, even when i do show her that i can be a good person and she says that she doesnt want me back, then that is ok because i Know in the end that i am a better person. I Know Deep Down That I Have To Try, she just needs space as of right now.

STOP IT! If you keep this first and foremost on your mind you jeopardize your therapy and it will not serve the purpose for which it is meant.

Start seriously working with your therapist and stop focusing on anyone but YOURSELF!

You don't realize it yet, but this is your life, your survival and happiness that you are playing with. Wake up!

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True... so I just forget about her and never try with her again and just let time tell and let her go forever.

IDK we will see happens..i am honestly scared to move on....she was perfect in my image and idk if i can find another girl like her.........you know the saying "If you set a butterfly free and it returns, it was always yours in the first place." My instincts tell me nothing will change, but my heart says other wise. Idk which one to listen to.

A girl like her.. when she was still with you and putting up with your abuse, or
When she stopped putting up with your abuse and stood up to you??

Get real. Right now is not the time to even think of looking for another partner. You don't know how you will feel about anyone, or how you are going to treat someone months down the road. You need to be able to accept and live with yourself before distracting yourself with another.

Talking about your instincts.. right now you are going through Withdrawal. Just like a junkie without his smack and an alcoholic with the booze, you want and need your FIX. Get used to it as it is part of the recovery. During this time it's not a good idea to connect with another potential victim.


Butterflies lay their eggs and die. A very short lifespan.
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True....so i just forget about her and never try with her again and just let time tell and let her go forever.

You need to want to mean this, seriously. Forget about the 'let time tell', End of Story.


My ex-husband verbally and physically abused me. It's been over 30 years and I still cannot forget what he did. Something died and it will never come back. So, let's just live with it and go on.

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Chery that is very very interesting... so why do I think she connected with a guy so quick?

My Ex was in the Army and we were stationed in Germany. After a few too many beatings, I went to the Commander and received a designated bodyguard from within the squad.
When I gained some confidence back, I went out socially and gained some of my self-respect and worth. Without their help, I probably would have been dead and my daughter living with her grandmother within a month. It took me more than five years to recover.

Your ex is right by not wanting to be alone, needing some protection, and affection for her healing process.
Anyway, why should it matter to you what she is doing and with whom? What verbal abuse does is kill a part of someone that will never return.
It does make it hard for the next person in her life to fully gain her trust and make her feel totally secure - so you certainly did leave a mark that nobody can take away. Are you proud of that?

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gifOh, yeah, you did leave a mark and she'll never forget you...

When a girl gets abused she walks away and never come back but if you show her how nice you are be romantic to her and all that stuff she might come back, take her out of dinner as a friend or something and be sweet and maybe then she will change her mind , try to get up to her don't sit there and wait

When a girl gets abused she walks away and never come back but if you show her how nice you are be romantic to her and all that stuff she might come back, take her out of dinner as a friend or something and be sweet and maybe then she will change her mind , try to get up to her dont sit there and wait

No amount of romance can mend some abusive actions. The girlfriend has threatened with the law and is probably frightened to no end. She does not want to see him ever again.

No amount of romance can mend some abusive actions. The girlfriend has threatened with the law and is probably frightened to no end. She does not want to see him ever again.



And who told you that? She did?
Besides she doesn't want to see him again then he can forget about her and move on

I did read lol I just skipped over yours lmaoo and beside she doessnt want to see him, he better forget about her

and who told ya that? she did?
besides she doesnt want to see him again then he can forget about her and move on
If you would have read the whole thread from the beginning, you would have noticed that he stated she had told him that she did not want to see him again.

AND.. we have been suggesting he forget about her and move on. Which again, you would have noticed if you'd read the entire thread.

But maybe now that you are here, he'll listen to you and you can take it from here.

By the way, I actually DISAGREED with your last post, just forgot to change it from agree. I won't make this mistake again.

I know you disagreed its obvious lol my bad I had a headache and didn't feel like reading through all the responses I just read what he said and that was it

OK u guys don't need to argue... lol... but yea my gut says move on and don't look back... it is going to be sooooooo hard!! In order for me to become a man I have to do it. Just so I understand... I should never call, text, email, etc. her ever again.

ok u guys dont need to argue...lol......but yea my gut says move on and dont look back....it is going to be sooooooo hard!!!!! In order for me to become a man i have to do it. Just so i understand......i should never call, text, email, etc. her ever again.

You've got it dear. In My Opinion, it's the best for both of you.

There has just been too much that happened and would put such weight on the new attempt that I don't think it would work.

She'd probably have 'flashbacks' and you'd have feelings of guilt. Those are not a basis to build anything on.

Look forward to a healthier you and a new chance for happiness.

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ok u guys dont need to argue...lol......but yea my gut says move on and dont look back....it is going to be sooooooo hard!!!!! In order for me to become a man i have to do it. Just so i understand......i should never call, text, email, etc. her ever again.

I agree with chery
Go on forget her and later on find a better one and treat her like a your queen :)

Yea that sounds very logical and she really has no reason to take me back anyway... even if she saw me change because A. She has a new boyfriend B. She thinks it will last a little while then go back to that and C. We go to separate colleges... but who knows what the future has in store. Thank You for everyone's advice

and who told ya that? she did?
besides she doesnt want to see him again then he can forget about her and move on

HE told us that, if you bothered to read the thread carefully.


i know u disagreed its obvious lol my bad i had a headache and didnt feel like reading through all the responces i just read what he said and that was it

And if that's the case then you shouldn't have tried answering. You need to be very careful sometimes about the advice you give.

HE told us that, if you bothered to read the thread carefully.



And if that's the case then you shouldn't have tried answering. You need to be very careful sometimes about the advice you give.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_12_169.gifAmen, if you want to color, look at the whole picture.

HE told us that, if you bothered to read the thread carefully.



And if that's the case then you shouldn't have tried answering. You need to be very careful sometimes about the advice you give.

Did U read what my other responses at the guys post were? If you did then u'll see I said my bad ! Gosh it was once damn its not the end of the world I then told the guy to move on and forget her
Did U read that?
Nah I don't think so then scroll up and read it!

did U read that?
nah i dont think so then scroll up and read it !!

Yeah I did read that, and before I posted. But that's not the point. Yes its good that you apologized and retracted, but it never should have been necessary in the first place.

We pride ourselves on the quality of the advice we give here. If we see some kid jumping in half cocked and giving bad advice we are going to come down on them.

Hopefully you learned your lesson here and the next time you want to help, you'll be more careful about it.

Yeah I did read that, and before I posted. But that's not the point. Yes its good that you apologized and retracted, but it never should have been necessary in the first place.

We pride ourselves on the quality of the advice we give here. If we see some kid jumping in half cocked and giving bad advice we are going to come down on them.

Hopefully you learned your lesson here and the next time you want to help, you'll be more careful about it.

I will can we just let it go now? Plzzz?
I
M sorry for what I said and don't ever follow my first advice

Don't worry about it... trust me I have taken all of your advice to heart... thank you guys very much and I will keep you posted

iight good luck =]

Ok, my girlfriend broke up with me a month and a half ago... I have tried everything to get her back except for giving her space. I promised I would leave her alone a couple a days ago. Of course she is very angry with me. How much time is enough to give her space and will this cool her off? Do you think this will give her a chance to reflect upon us even though she has a new boyfriend?

Well why don't you try doing it and see. She's asked for space and you've not done it. I'm thinking that by now she's really tired of you. Leave her alone and go on with your life.

Why did you leave everything else out Hotrodder? Please see his other post:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/new-boyfriend-126400.html


We have all told you LEAVE HER ALONE. You are getting into territory where she may have a restraining order placed on you.

Good job researching Glinda!

She may never have a good and happy view of you again. You need to leave her alone... period! You are becoming obsessive, and are on the virge of stalking. If she wants to spark up a relationship with you again, that is her choice. Badgering her all the time will not help the situation.

Just wait and if she decides that she wants to b with you then she will come to you when she is ready. Don't keep going to her. It can look kind of pathetic. Until she comes back, like glindaofoz said, leave her alone

Well then I am giving up... I love her to death and she doesn't know it... so whatever, I don't care anymore... hope she has good life!

I know you probably wouldn't be bugging her so much if you didn't love her, but if you love her, you have to let her go (as the old saying goes).

You're a Cowboys fan?? lol I am a Giants fan!! I know I have to let her go, but I am scared that she won't come back. She is so special.

I ♥ the Cowboys.. lol.

It is her decision whether she wants to come back or not. Believe it or not, contacting her constantly will not make her love you even more, it will make it worse. She needs time, and if she is ready to be back with you after that time, good for you. If not, you need to move on.

Yes your so right... I finally realized that contacting her was bad... I was pushing her away... some part of me believes that she will eventually give me a call. It could be a month or two. But then there is always the chance she won't... I have to be ready for that. The thing that makes me believe that is the fact that I know for a fact that she still loves me.

Whether it takes a month or a year, you need to give her that time. Keep hoping she will call you, it may come true. She just needs some time away from you to think. :)

YESSSSSS!! That's exactly what I hope will happen, BUT I am scared to be let down again, because I have tried everything but give her space. We never fell out of love... she just tired of all the fights and my crap. I pray to god everyday to get another chance with her... and I hope to become a better person for myself.

Realizing that she needs space is a good step in the right direction. The reason she has let you down is because you haven't given her that time she needs, good job for doing it now.

You should work on that verbal abuse issue. Even if you did it without realizing it, you should still work on it. She is more liable to come back into your life if she sees improvement.

Once again I agree... I am seeing a therapist once a week... I am going to the gym and doing a lot of physical activities. But she goes to college 2 hours away so she really can't see me. But her space is most important right now.

You may not think it is a good thing that she is 2 hours away, but honestly it is. It gives her that space she needs. Have you cut out phone/email contact too?

Good job for going to therapy. You realized you have a problem, and need a solution. And going to the gym and doing physical activities will help keep your mind off things. How is therapy coming along?

I have cut off every single form of communication with her because she might put a restraining order against me... lol. So I am def. backing off! Therapy is going very well, I am learning ways to control my anger and I am doing breathing exercises to help calm myself down when I get depressed about her. Every little bit helps.

Good job! Have you tried meditation? I have never tried it personally, but I hear it is very relaxing.

No not really, nothing like that... I just sit down and just start breathing deep and it really helps. There are points in my day where I freak out and need to call her. It is so hard. I keep getting the feeling that she doesn't love or care about me anymore. I also cry about her just about everyday. I am truly in love with her. Though, this break up is going to teach me how to stand on my own two feet and that's what I want her to see.

Your therapy should help you with this feeling that makes you cry.

Sometimes we have the best intentions and don't realize we are actually hurting the people that we love. I know you probably didn't intend to make her mad by contacting her all the time, and may not have intended to verbally abuse her, but those are lessons you have learned.

Hopefully the break up will teach you, as you say, and she will see it and how much you have changed. I know breaking up can be hard, but it can also be a learning experience.

Yea it is a learning experience that I will never forget and I never ever would do anything out right to hurt her in any way shape or form. Also, her new Boyfriend has me a little worried, he might distract her from thinking of me.

It sounds like you made a big impact on her life, so she will probably never forget you, no matter who she dates. The new boyfriend could be her way of moving on.

Hmmm.......yea you guys are right........i mean i still love her a lot and last thing i want is a restraining order from her. So you guys think i shouldnt talk to her what-so-ever anymore. If i really want her back....what i am going to have to do?

You won't get her back, she's gone and most likely will never be coming back. I would imagine she is quite scared of you given the abuse you dished out to her for all that time. If you love someone, you don't do that to them. You are a person who likes to be in control I don't doubt and now you want to control what she wants. If you did this to her for some time and only realised what you did at the end when she left you, then you should seek counseling because there must be something going on with you that you may not be consciously aware of. You need to leave her alone and accept that you pushed her away forever, no amount of time is going to heal what you have done and you are in danger of putting yourself into very dark territory unless you sort out your issues and move on without her.

Then things will improve for you, it can all be turned around for you. Sadly for her, she has some healing to do too and I hope she does.

Yea I could see her doing that... but I am just wondering how long they will last. I just want to give her as much space as possible, then I really want to try again with her.

Go to therapy for one full year specifically addressing your abusive behavior THEN you can start to think about contacting this girl again and only if your therapist believes that you will not dissolve back into a disgusting abusive jerk

Ok, my girlfriend broke up with me a month and a half ago.....I have tried everything to get her back except for giving her space. I promised I would leave her alone a couple a days ago. Of course she is very angry with me. How much time is enough to give her space and will this cool her off? Do you think this will give her a chance to reflect upon us even though she has a new boyfriend?
You have to realize that she has moved on and she doesn't want to be with someone who verbally abuses her. You may change, but she probably will not take you back. People go their separate ways, not everyone is meant for each other. Maybe what you need to do is move on, look forward, not behind.

I don't think you're in love, I think you're obsessed. There is a difference. If there was always fighting and drama there, it was not a healthy relationship.
You keep on with your therapy and stay away from this young lady.
If she has a new guy this means she has moved on. You need to get yourself together and move on as well.

Yea i could see her doing that...but i am just wondering how long they will last. I just wanna give her as much space as possible, then i really want to try again with her.

I know it may be hard, but if she wants to be with you again, let her come to you. It is her choice to make. If she never comes back around, then you know she doesn't want to be with you and it wasn't meant to be.

Love can make you do some crazy things. I just hope you have learned your lesson.

Wow some harsh repsonses... but trust me it was love... this started about 8 months ago. I had a lot of stuff happen in my life... my parents got divorced... my dad moving away from me and she understands and she just got tired of the way I treated. I want to show her that I can change and its as simply as that. Trust me I want to give her space.

wow some harsh repsonses..........but trust me it was love....this started about 8 months ago. I had a lot of stuff happen in my life....my parents got divorced...my dad moving away from me and she understands and she just got tired of the way i treated. I want to show her that i can change and its as simply as that. Trust me i want to give her space.

Good luck hun. I hope everything works out for you and I hope through therapy you get the help you need. :)

wow some harsh repsonses..........but trust me it was love....this started about 8 months ago. I had a lot of stuff happen in my life....my parents got divorced...my dad moving away from me and she understands and she just got tired of the way i treated. I want to show her that i can change and its as simply as that. Trust me i want to give her space.

You realize that none of that makes it okay to do what you did to her, right? There is no sympathy for abusers around here, sorry doesn't work that way. If it were me you would've had a restraining order the day we broke up. She has been very fair and very easy on you.

Again. Therapy for one full year no contact to this girlfriend until after that and that's only if your therapist truly believes you will not resort to be an abuser.

Huh... hmmm OK and I know that its no excuse. I will let everyone know how it goes.

And you know what I find funny... she calls her new boyfriend all the pet names she called me like babe, babie, cutie, sweetie, hun, baby boy. I find it pathetic because she is with him because she can't stand on her own two feet. So it is nothing but a rebound guy! Doesn't matter how long it lasts, that's all he is. And eventually I am going to come back into the picture and we will love each other again. For now I wish her the best of luck and on with my life.

Wow... guess what? You are no where near healthy enough to contact her. She is "pathetic" and "cant stand on her own two feet...

You are a complete jerk. You need to stay far, far away from her since you seem to be the one who is "cant stand on her own two feet...

You are a complete jerk. You need to stay far, far away from her since you seem to be the one who is " and "cannot stand on their own two feet" and "babe" it doesn't mean I'm carrying it over its just the only term of endearment I use most people are like that.

I never said she was pathetic, the situation is... she is only with him to feel better about her self and I think good for her. I want her to be happy not miserable.

How do you know? The bed has been made you got to lie in it and face the music! Don't be so jealous. Concentrate on you and your life not anyone else's.

I'm not really jealous... just hurt... and I am def. no jerk. My next girlfriend whether it is her or not I plan to cherish and love and appreciate like there is no tomorrow.

I know now that I have to move on and get over my ex. Does anyone have any tips on how to keep busy, what to do, what not to do? How to deal with it?

If you want to keep busy I am sure there is a local food bank in your area, meals on wheels or any other charitable organization could use a kind and lovly soul like yourself to lend a hand

Good answer above! It is very important to be involved in something with people in order to better help with taking your mind off your ex.

I have done that, I am in a school club, but I can't stop thinking about her! Time will take that away, but how long?

Hey, life chucks real bad stuff at us at times. But life isin't easy, change is what its all about. The sooner you realize this the better. You're the only one who can change your present and future. Its real hard to get up sometimes and face the day but do you really want to waste anymore time?

For a start you could join the gym, or go for a run. Plan some trips away, do something fun, go see your fav band. If your having problems sleeping etc try Valerian, st.john's wort, 5-htp - Also these may help with mild depression. After a while of keeping busy your realize you have more memories of after your ex than with. Your wake up one day and you won't think of it all. Ill post a list of things you could try in abit. Ah ha here we go (it applies to both sex) :

I got a mix of some of my posts people liked, hope it helps? I can say to you I have had contact with my ex and it has knocked me back a hell of a lot, so stay no contact for your own benefit. You only have one life so live it for yourself:I think its time to accept the harsh truth that its over and start the transition to single life. Its hard but

Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger right? More wary in the future and aware what we are looking for in a


Relationship and a person.

Treat your relationship as a life experience, you might not be able to treasure the memories you had right now but

One day you will. Do not regret but learn and move on, as someone much better is just around the next corner.

You must try follow these: (be strong)

1) Abide by no contact, ignorance is bliss so don't go near the 'grape vine'
2) Work on yourself entirely - hobbies, work, gym
3) Ever wanted to do something in your life? Nows the time
4) Spend more time with your friends and family and renew old social ties
5) Box every memory away and stay away from your fav songs for now - when you can look at it without feeling ill -

Ur halfway there!
6) Time does heal :P It just takes a god dam while, but don't mope at home, go out, party, exercise - helps a hell

Of a lot

You don't need anyone to be happy.

The best revenge is to be happy yourself :]

Forgive and move on.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

Pay no attention to the faults of others,
Things done or left undone by others.
Consider only what by oneself is done or left undone.

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't

Learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be

Thankful.

You got to accept it. Delete everything and keep yourself busy. Here are things you can do right now:

1) Delete all his contact details + block him
2) Have a hot bath with nice scents
3) Listen to some of your fav music
4) Read a book - maybe about love/self improvement or anything
5) Watch a film
6) Go out and party
7) Spend more time with your friends and family
8) Have a good laugh + watch a comedy
9) Go out for a drive with your best friends - put all the windows down and put on some loud music and SING - I
Love doing this
10) Don't SIT AROUND AND MOPE
11) Get out of the house - Go for a walk, anything
12) Join the gym + workout + have a sauna
13) Book a holiday
14) Try new things - meet new people, sign up for a course
15) GO NO CONTACT NOW - STAY AWAY FROM THE GRAPE VINE, in time it will get easier but for now you need to keep busy and block him
16) Go watch a new tv-series, maybe you can watch an episode a day

There are two great posts on the Help Desk about moving on:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-expect-when-you-get-dumped-123862.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/list-things-do-after-breakup-78597.html

I had recently posted a question on this website, just in case u didn't read it... [I]I dated this girl for 2 and half years and I verbally abused her, without fully realizing it. She broke up with me a month and a half ago. I have tried at least three times since then to get back together with her and I have honestly not given her space. I just found out a week and half ago she has a new boyfriend...already!!!! (They go to separate colleges) I know deep down she still has feelings for me. She told me recently that she is happy and she really likes this guy and that he treats her right, but it has only been a week or two. She has given me a chance to prove myself, to show I can change.....but she said that doesnt mean we are getting back together. For now we are not speaking. So, is this a rebound boyfriend to fill the void in her heart and make her feel better or is she really over me????....I have been doing a lot of thinking and I am willing to do ANYTHING to win this girl back. What can I do?

Your question has been answered over and over hunny.

Give her time! If you keep bothering her she may never speak to you again. If she wants to talk to you, that is her decision, so don't push her.

Continue with therapy. After one year of therapy and a proven track record of not being an abusive such and such maybe she might consider speaking to you again. However I believe that you will in fact never get her back.

I realize I'm obsessed, sorry, I understand why she needs space, but I'm just worried about her new boyfriend... its a non-stop struggle with my emotions, I can't stop thinking about her. I just want her to love me again and if I have to sacrifice time I am more than willing to do that

Its not your problem anymore. You need to get over the fact that she finally grew a backbone and is no longer under your thumb. What's there to worry about with the new boyfriend? She's happy right? Don't you want her to happy?

Of course I want her to be happy and I don't want her to be under my thumb anymore. I don't want to be like that ever again. Im worried about her new boyfriend because she likes him a lot and Im scared its going to turn into a serious relationship. I understand that the odds are not stacked in my favor, but to me its worth it, even if I have to wait for her. I know its not healthy, but I am doing as much as I possibly can to better myself for me and eventually hopefully her. I actually wasn't going to call her what-so-ever, because there is no point, if she wanted me, she would call me. Time will solve all.

Its just scary for me, I have never been through a heartbreak before.

Its just scary for me, I have never been through a heartbreak before.

Hi hottrodder this is my first heartbreak too and believe me it's rough. I know what you are feeling because my ex left me for someone else and now they live together. And honestly if this website wasn't here I don't know what I would've done. The people here have saved what little sanity I had left after my breakup. Just keep coming back anytime you feel like you're losing it. It helps

Hi hottrodder this is my first heartbreak too and believe me it's rough. I know what you are feeling because my ex left me for someone else and now they live together. And honestly if this website wasn't here I don't know what I would've done. The people here have saved what little sanity I had left after my breakup. Just keep coming back anytime you feel like you're losing it. It helps

Well, I do go insane a lot during the day thinking about her, I know I have to rechannel my thinking in a positive direction. Even if she came back, I don't think it could be the same, I would want it to be, but I don't think that is possible. Im having so much trouble accepting that is she gone because part of me wants to be believe that she might come back and that part of me needs to see the truth. I mean lets look at the facts... she really likes her new boyfriend, I know for a fact that she is happy and not thinking of me, she doesn't even want to speak to me, and even before we broke up she had planned on it. In two or three months nothing will change... they will most likely still be together and me calling and bothering her won't make a difference. I don't want to turn into a stalker. Deep down I am happy for her and I wish her the best of luck with everything. I have to look at like this; nothing will change and if her and I are meant for each other it won't be for another couple years. This hurts more than anything I have ever done in my life, I sometimes find myself short of breath, but this is what I got to do to become a better person.

It's no secret that most of us want them to come back ( including me ) but I think that's somewhat normal, at least at first. But if you are happy for her deep down then you are a much better person then I am. I'm not happy for my ex one bit. I think he made a destructive choice with a girl that's life is a mess not to mention how dirty he did me. I hope he's unhappy and regrets what he did for a long long time. And what keeps me strong with N/C is he has absolutely no idea if I'm crying my eyes out over him or if I've moved on to someone else. I know it has to cross his mind sometimes.

It's no secret that most of us want them to come back ( including me ) but I think thats somewhat normal, at least at first. But if you are happy for her deep down then you are a much better person then I am. I'm not happy for my ex one bit. I think he made a distructive choice with a girl thats life is a mess not to mention how dirty he did me. I hope he's unhappy and regrets what he did for a long long time. And what keeps me strong with N/C is he has absolutly no idea if i'm crying my eyes out over him or if i've moved on to someone else. I know it has to cross his mind sometimes.

Let me tell you something, part of me hates her for moving on so quickly and getting a new boyfriend so damm quick!! Part of what gets me through my day is hating her for that. But, I finally realized I am better than that, I don't need to hate her for what she did... I didn't treat her right... and I hope she can find someone better. I will always love her and like you said it is normal for me to want her back and I still do. You're a better person, he did that to you, nobody derserves to be hurt like that. We just have rise up and stay strong no matter what life throws at us.

I think if I could actually hate him I would be a lot better off but I don't hate him. I hate what he did but not him. I still love him as pathetic as that is. I just don't want him to know that. He doesn't deserve to know how I feel.

Its not pathetic, and I don't hate her, I hate what she did. Sometimes hate can be good and bad, mostly bad. Don't let him have the satifaction of knowing how you feel and most importantly prove to yourself that you don't need him. These situations are soooo tough to deal with, because it runs through your head all day, every day. Try your absolute hardest to focus on something else, go work out, hang out with friends, and talk to other guys... I promise you it helps tremendously. And Mr. Right is waiting for you as we speak, in time you will meet him.

I try not to think about him all the time but its tough. And as far as doing other things to keep my mind off him well I'm a female and we are multi-taskers so actually I can do all of those things and still think about him. But I do hope Mr. Right is out there. Somewhere.

Of course it is tough, I still look at me ex's myspace and hurts really bad, and of course mr. right is out there waiting for you, its only a matter of time. Everything happens for a reason and heartbreak is meant to teach us something about ourselves and with that knowledge apply yourself to the next relationship. Eventually you will be ready to get married. Learn from your mistakes (I should take my own advice!) try not to think about the future too much either, because I'm sure there are about a million different senario's running through your head right now (same with me). It sucks all the time and at times it hurts to the point where you don't know what to do with yourself. Just got to get through it.

Your question has been answered over and over hunny.

Give her time!! If you keep bothering her she may never speak to you again. If she wants to talk to you, that is her decision, so dont push her.

Ok I completely understand that... I haven't spoken too her in almost a month. How much time is this going to take? I know that question is impossible to answer, but what do you think? I don't want to sit around forever and if and when she calls I don't want it to be too late for us.

Ok i completely understand that....I haven't spoken too her in almost a month. How much time is this going to take? I know that question is impossible to answer, but what do you think? I don't want to sit around forever and if and when she calls I don't want it to be too late for us.

How is your therapy going? Are you making any progress? You need to think about bettering yourself first and foremost. I know you want help, otherwise you wouldn't have gone into therapy.

I don't know how much time it will take, or if she even will come back around. You are stressing yourself out and the best thing for you to do at this point would be to focus on your therapy and move on.

Ok i completely understand that....I haven't spoken too her in almost a month. How much time is this going to take? I know that question is impossible to answer, but what do you think? I don't want to sit around forever and if and when she calls I don't want it to be too late for us.

Its only been a month. How long did you abuse her for? Take that time and multiple it by 50. If she finds it in her heart to bring you back into her life before that time then she is a freakin Saint.

Until then focus on YOU. YOU have issues that need to be worked on and resolved. Stop fixating on her and shift the focus to fixing your life.

I had recently posted a question on this website, just incase u didnt read it....[I]I dated this girl for 2 and half years and I verbally abused her, without fully realizing it. She broke up with me a month and a half ago. I have tried at least three times since then to get back together with her and I have honestly not given her space. I just found out a week and half ago she has a new boyfriend...already!!!! (They go to separate colleges) I know deep down she still has feelings for me. She told me recently that she is happy and she really likes this guy and that he treats her right, but it has only been a week or two. She has given me a chance to prove myself, to show I can change.....but she said that doesnt mean we are getting back together. For now we are not speaking. So, is this a rebound boyfriend to fill the void in her heart and make her feel better or is she really over me????....I have been doing a lot of thinking and I am willing to do ANYTHING to win this girl back. What can I do?
Well you have known her for the past 2 1/2 years so try to win her heart over by doing the things she likes, tell her that your sorry and buy her a pound of her favorite chocolate, and ask her to give you another chance.

well you have known her for the past 2 1/2 years so try to win her heart over by doing the things she likes, tell her that your sorry and buy her a pound of her favorite chocolate, and ask her to give you another chance.

You should read his other posts. Being with her isn't the best thing for her or him, and at this point she doesn't want to be with him.

How is your therapy going? Are you making any progress? You need to think about bettering yourself first and foremost. I know you want help, otherwise you wouldnt have gone into therapy.

I dont know how much time it will take, or if she even will come back around. You are stressing yourself out and the best thing for you to do at this point would be to focus on your therapy and move on.

Therapy is going very nicely and yes I am making a lot of progress these past couple months... my mom and I get along better than we ever have and this has brought me a lot closer to my family than I ever was... it feels good. I know bettering myself is first and foremost. As each day goes on... I feel a little better and I don't know I'm still about her as much as I did two months ago. Now by moving on, do you mean completely move on like she never existed or move on but at the same time wait and see what happens?

I'm glad therapy is going well. Good job to you for making progress!

When I say move on, I mean find other things to think about. I personally don't think you are quite ready for a relationship with anyone yet, because you should keep going with your therapy and not focus on anyone but you.

When I say find other things to think about, I mean get a hobby, volunteer, etc. Do something that keeps you focused. I know you care about her, but you should care about you more at this point. I always say that when I'm feeling sad, I turn my sadness into happiness for someone else. I have volunteered for my old church, I have volunteered at a thrift store and I have done gardening for neighbors, all when I am feeling sad. I like turning my sadness into someone else's happiness.

I'm very glad you are feeling better and keep it up! :)

I'm glad therapy is going well. Good job to you for making progress!

When I say move on, I mean find other things to think about. I personally dont think you are quite ready for a relationship with anyone yet, because you should keep going with your therapy and not focus on anyone but you.

When I say find other things to think about, I mean get a hobby, volunteer, etc. Do something that keeps you focused. I know you care about her, but you should care about you more at this point. I always say that when i'm feeling sad, I turn my sadness into happiness for someone else. I have volunteered for my old church, I have volunteered at a thrift store and I have done gardening for neighbors, all when I am feeling sad. I like turning my sadness into someone else's happiness.

I'm very glad you are feeling better and keep it up! :)

I really like that idea and I am going to give that a try! I know I should care about me more and that's that. I was doing some thinking and I realized that part of why she is with him is to get her mind off me. Their long distance relationship gives her the space she needs on her own but at the same time it makes her miss him. I think eventually she will realize that I can be good to her and I think deep down she will miss me. But as now, no chance and on with my life.

I really like that idea and I am going to give that a try! I know I should care about me more and that's that. I was doing some thinking and I realized that part of why she is with him is to get her mind off of me. Their long distance realtionship gives her the space she needs on her own but at the same time it makes her miss him. I think eventually she will realize that I can be good to her and I think deep down she will miss me. But as now, no chance and on with my life.

Good job! Get on with your life and find other things to think about and care about. I know you can do this.

Heyyy my friend and his ex girlfriend broke up about a year and a half ago and I just try to make sure he doesn't forget about her, but gives her so distance apart. He really wants her back and will do anything me can go be with her again and hold her hand. They broke up cause he went and risked his life hick hiking just to see her for her birthday and to give her a good night kiss on her specail day. They had never really meet each other in person but they once had meet so much to each other. When I bring up her name they be times where he'll sit there a almost cry cause he isses her that much , yet she doesn't seem to realize or even care. He sends her e-mail and she never replay but she'll talk to him on the phone. Your not the only one that is going though hard times
-kat

heyyy my friend and his ex girlfriend broke up about a year and a half ago and i just try to make sure he doesn't forget about her, but gives her so distance apart. He really wants her back and will do anything me can go be with her again and hold her hand. They broke up cause he went and risked his life hick hiking just to see her for her birthday and to give her a good night kiss on her specail day. They had never really meet each other in person but they once had meet so much to each other. When i bring up her name they be times where he'll sit there a almost cry cause he isses her that much , yet she doesn't seem to realize or even care. He sends her e-mail and she never replay but she'll talk to him on the phone. Your not the only one that is going though hard times
-kat

OK I appreciate that, but I didn't understand a damm thing... please read over what you write before you submit.

Good job! Get on with your life and find other things to think about and care about. I know you can do this.
Thanks for all your advice!! GO NY GIANTS!!

My ex and I started to kind of talk again, I called her a few days ago and we talked a little bit about how we are doing and college. We both told each other that we are doing great. I want to start talking to her more and more and eventually I want to ask her out for something simple like ice cream or lunch, something very casual. I don't want to force anything, because I know that will push her away and I will only hurt myself. How should I approach this situation? Should I be forward with her about how I really feel? (I still love very very very much) or should I play it off like I don't need her?

I wouldn't push anything. I think that you should wait and see how things go. I would not start bombarding her with phone calls especially since I'm still not convinced you fully grasp the extent of the psychological damage that you inflicted upon your ex. You seem to have a "devil be damned" attitude about the whole thing and don't seem to care how it happens but are dead set to the point of obsession in getting her back.

How long you been split up. My advise would be to go NC for a while, let the 'dust' settle, learn from what went wrong, grow as a person and most importantly learn to be happy alone. If you can do that then your ahead of the 'game'!

You yourself probably know if she or more like you is affecting you more than a person should. Sometimes we just have to make a clean break to get ourself back for our own emotional and physical well being, I had to! Although she still is in my thoughts a lot of the day its better than being confused all the time in contact with someone you still care deeply about.

You will probably find out you are simply a 'friend' and your be gutted! Learn the hard way if you want. I did.

Here is the history on this situation:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/new-boyfriend-126400.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/rebound-boyfriend-126387.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-much-time-127350.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/want-her-back-133660.html

What made you call her? I thought we agreed that you were going to leave her alone and let her come to you when she sees fit, if ever.

I still stand by what I have said before many times, let her be. Focus on you!! Not only are you antagonizing her, you are making yourself look insane, and you are adding stress to your life that you don't need. Make yourself better first, then think about the next move.

What made you call her? I thought we agreed that you were going to leave her alone and let her come to you when she sees fit, if ever.

I still stand by what I have said before many times, let her be. Focus on you!!! Not only are you antagonizing her, you are making yourself look insane, and you are adding stress to your life that you dont need. Make yourself better first, then think about the next move.
Some people are just gluttons for punishment. That's the conclusion I have reached. They keep going back to the same people that treat them badly and expect them to change... then when they are old and gray they wonder why they wasted half their lives on someone that never gave them what they expected when they first met.

This is simple... if you are constantly fighting... someone is always disrespecting you or taking off and needing "space" its time to dump them and move on. Life's too short to waste on people like that.

The line between an obsessed ex and a stalker is razor thin. The object of boths attention does not want the attention of either. And is likely enough to get a restraining order issued.

Some people are just gluttons for punishment. Thats the conclusion I have reached. They keep going back to the same people that treat them badly and expect them to change...then when they are old and gray they wonder why they wasted half their lives on someone that never gave them what they expected when they first met.

He is the one that treated her badly, so she dumped him, and now he is doing everything in his power to get her back. It is all explained in the links Glinda gave above, although I know there are a lot of them to go through.

He is in therapy now for his anger problem and needs to focus on that before trying to win her back. He needs to realize that it is her decision whether to talk to him or not, and bugging her is not going to make the situation go in his favor.

He is the one that treated her badly, so she dumped him, and now he is doing everything in his power to get her back. It is all explained in the links Glinda gave above, although I know there are a lot of them to go through.

He is in therapy now for his anger problem and needs to focus on that before trying to win her back. He needs to realize that it is her decision whether to talk to him or not, and bugging her is not going to make the situation go in his favor.OK...

Just reverse rolls then... given that past she is likely to get a restraining order issued and it can turn ugly real fast. Best he close that chapter in his life, and move on. And remember what he learned in therapy in his next relationship. He can't erase the past... nor will she forget it.

I recommend forgetting her and moving on... you don't want to be picking up the soap in a prison shower (thats as clean as I can make it so use your imagination) because you won't take a hint. And if it goes as far as a restraining order a single phone call can put you there.

I think you need to leave her alone. You treat her like crap and then can't accept that she is with someone else. I think this is nothing but male pride talking.
Do her a favor and leave her alone and maybe you can use this time to figure out how to treat people.

Well everyone, I know I am obsessed and I am very sorry... I just keep feeling in my heart that I can get her back and every day that goes by I feel like I'm wasting my time. I don't want to bother her or "bombard" her with phone calls... I don't want to cross that line, I know I have to very careful, we will see what happens.

well everyone, i know i am obsessed and i am very sorry....i just keep feeling in my heart that i can get her back and every day that goes by i feel like im wasting my time. i dont want to bother her or "bombard" her with phone calls....i dont want to cross that line, i know i have to very careful, we will see what happens.

If you love her, then you should want her to be happy, right? If not being with you is making her happy, then give her best wishes and move on. You don't want to hurt the ones you love, and by obsessing, deep down you are hurting her.

If you love her, let her go. It is her decision if and when to come back.

well everyone, i know i am obsessed and i am very sorry....i just keep feeling in my heart that i can get her back and every day that goes by i feel like im wasting my time. i dont want to bother her or "bombard" her with phone calls....i dont want to cross that line, i know i have to very careful, we will see what happens.


Just remember prison rape (worst case but sobering none the less)... that should be enough to help you get your mind back where it should be and off her. And stay out of trouble. Just remember that line may not be where you think it is, and that you may have crossed it long before you think you were even close. You don't want to be in that situation.

Just like Nauticalstar said. She is happy and is doing great that should be enough.

SHE is already happy and moving on with her life YOU are stuck in the past and trying to figure out what the next move should be. Your next move should be to leave her the heck alone and move on.

Well then there is nothing left for me to do, but sit and wait for myself to heal... and I wish her the best in everything and I want her to happy her whole life, with or without me.

well then there is nothing left for me to do, but sit and wait for myself to heal....and i wish her the best in everything and i want her to happy her whole life, with or without me.

Pretty much. You aren't alone. Look on this website there are so many people who are hurting after a breakup and they are all "sitting around waiting to heal". You just have to be an active member of your own life as opposed to focusing on HER life. Shift the focus.

Yea I agree and I don't want to be selfish about it, sometimes there is nothing for me to do and I sit around thinking about her and I sometimes cry a lot. I have been casually dating a couple girls and all I think about is her when I am with them, I have it sooo bad. I don't whether I miss the shoulder that I could always cry on (now its gone) or her and her personality. I sometimes find myself so bored that I can't do anything but think about her. I am trying my best to shift my focus, but once I have nothing to do she comes right back in my mind. Nobody knows the future... but should I wait for her to come around, which could take months or it could never happen! I'm soooo lost, I'm stuck on her and at the same time I'm trying my best to break free.

So find a way to fill the time. There are things to do you just have to look for them in anyway shape or form.

During my last breakup I just picked up a million hobbies, joined a ton of clubs and went to the gym anytime I felt like I had nothing else to focus on. I linked up with a friend who was going through a break up too and she and I would support one another and when we one of us would freak out we would go out with each other or just hang out and no talking about the exes allowed. Even to know that I could call her and talk to her for as long as needed was helpful.

You have to find your support network and find other ways to fill your time then obsessing over your ex.

That sounds like a really good idea and I actually have someone like that but they are going to a different college, but she always gives me great advice. My friend went the same thing I am going through. You know what my problem is, I couldn't believe that my ex could let go of the wonderful memories that we had. You know what, I was focusing on all of great things in the relationship and that made me very depressed. She was focusing on all the negatives and that reinforced her to stay away from me. What do you think?

Well clearly what meant more to her in the relationship was the negative things and your view was all positive. Its possible for two people in a relationship to be in two completely different relationships if you understand what I mean.

Why not lean on the friend at the other school? Phone calls are great rescuers at time of need.

It also might help if you focus on your ex's negative qualities and negative things in the relationship. It helps to shift the focus. I did the same after my last relationship. I focused on every little tiny thing that bothered me about him regardless of what it was. It does help. As you heal and gain perspective you can see the relationship for what it actually was.

I forgot to mention that I do talk to my friend just about everyday whether it is online or on the phone and I'm actually going up there this weekend, this will my third time up there in a month. It does help. What exactly do you mean by two completely different relationships, I don't quite understand that?

And one more thing... just out of curiosity... will her focus shift from negative to positive in time?

That is hard to say. If you were really mean to her, she may never see the relationship as being a positive one. That is the price you pay when you mistreat people. It's really best to just leave her alone and let her have a new happy life.

and one more thing...just out of curiosity....will her focus shift from negative to positive in time?

If you change your ways and prove to her that you have, she may see you in a positive way in the future. Keep in mind, this does not mean that she will get back together with you, it just means that in the future her hard feelings towards you may diminish.

That is hard to say. If you were really man to her, she may never see the relationship as being a positive one. That is the price you pay when you mistreat people. It's really best to just leave her alone and let her have a new happy life.

What's that supposed to mean?

If you change your ways and prove to her that you have, she may see you in a positive way in the future. Keep in mind, this does not mean that she will get back together with you, it just means that in the future her hard feelings towards you may diminish.

That sounds good and I realize it, and that's why I'm kind of pushing it a little bit, because I don't want her feelings to go away forever. I think she is in kind of a phase where she still thinks about the negatives and as time goes by I think she will reflect on the positives and I do realize this doesn't mean we will get back together.

That sounds good and i realize, and thats why im kind of pushing it a little bit, because i dont want her feelings to go away for me. I think she is in kind of a phase where she still thinks about the negatives and as time goes by i think she will reflect on the positives and i do realize this doesnt mean we will get back together.

If you want her to see you in a positive way, then you need to prove that you can be positive. This does not mean calling her all the time and telling her "i've changed"... this means keeping it up with your therapy, becoming a positive person, and letting her see it for herself.

She probably is still thinking about the negatives, it sounds like there were a lot of negatives there. You must understand that this whole process does not happen overnight; it takes time. You need to give it as much time as it takes.

Keep up with your therapy, and most of all focus on yourself!!! You, and making yourself better, are the most important right now.

If you want her to see you in a positive way, then you need to prove that you can be positive. This does not mean calling her all the time and telling her "i've changed"...this means keeping it up with your therapy, becoming a positive person, and letting her see it for herself.

She probably is still thinking about the negatives, it sounds like there were a lot of negatives there. You must understand that this whole process does not happen overnight; it takes time. You need to give it as much time as it takes.

Keep up with your therapy, and most of all focus on yourself!!! You, and making yourself better, are the most important right now.

Yea I completely understand that, since she goes to a separate college, she probably never hears about me or knows what's going on... is she going to say to her herself one day, "wow i havent to him in a while" and call me? Im just concerned that I'm going to be waiting a long time.

whats that supposed to mean?
It means that if you were a real butt hole to her, she may never see her time with you as positive. It's best to just leave her alone to be happy with someone else. That is the price you pay when you mistreat someone.

yea i completely understand that, since she goes to a separate college, she probably never hears about me or knows whats going on.....is she going to say to her herself one day, "wow i havent to him in a while" and call me? Im just concerned that im going to be waiting a long time.

If you have to wait a long time, then so be it. Like I said, it doesn't happen overnight.

She may or may not want to call you sometime in the future just to catch up. I don't really know, I'm not in her head. Just please stop bugging her, you are not helping the situation at all. You need to let this rest.

OK fine... thanks for your help.

If you have to wait a long time, then so be it. Like I said, it doesnt happen overnight.

She may or may not want to call you sometime in the future just to catch up. I dont really know, i'm not in her head. Just please stop bugging her, you are not helping the situation at all. You need to let this rest.

I almost forgot, the main reason I can't get over her is because I would lean on her for everything, she kept me going and when she left I collapsed. Is it right to date a new girl for the soul purpose of getting over her or should I really take this time to learn how to stand on my own two feet and go through the low self esteem and depression?

It is wrong on so many levels to date someone just to get over someone els. It is using that person. You need to use this time to mature and deal with your problems. You don't need to be in a relationship with anybody right now.

It is wrong on so many levels to date someone just to get over someone els. It is using that person. You need to use this time to mature and deal with your problems. You don't need to be in a relationship with anybody right now.

That's what I figured, good idea, I think that is what my ex is doing... her new boyfriend is really helping her forget about me

i almost forgot, the main reason i can't get over her is because i would lean on her for everything, she kept me going and when she left i collapsed. is it right to date a new girl for the soul purpose of getting over her or should i really take this time to learn how to stand on my own two feet and go through the low self esteem and depression?

Well now is the time to learn to lean on yourself. When you make someone your everything and depend upon them for everything it is natural to collapse when that person leaves you. Its as if you have completely forgotten how to do anything for yourself because you are used to that other person.

Honestly that just tells me even more that the two of you should not be together and that you shouldn't be jumping into another relationship. That is severe co-dependent behavior. You need to learn how to be a secure, independent person in a relationship.

Well now is the time to learn to lean on yourself. When you make someone your everything and depend upon them for everything it is natural to collapse when that person leaves you. Its as if you have completely forgotten how to do anything for yourself because you are used to that other person.

Honestly that just tells me even more that the two of you should not be together and that you shouldn't be jumping into another relationship. that is severe co-dependent behavior. You need to learn how to be a secure, independent person in a relationship.

That's amazing, my dad told me the same thing... I felt good about myself because I was with her. Nobody could hurt, except where I left myself the most vunerable, which was the part of my heart reserved for her and it was a huge chunk. Sounds like a good plan and I think I need to let it go and have time for myself for at least a couple months.

Just for my own personal knowledge... is it bad to remind an ex about past memories when talking to him/her? Will this annoye them?

If it's good memories, I don't see a problem with it.
If it's bad memories or something that should be left in the past, then I'd say it's not worth bringing up again.

Well now is the time to learn to lean on yourself. When you make someone your everything and depend upon them for everything it is natural to collapse when that person leaves you. Its as if you have completely forgotten how to do anything for yourself because you are used to that other person.

Honestly that just tells me even more that the two of you should not be together and that you shouldn't be jumping into another relationship. that is severe co-dependent behavior. You need to learn how to be a secure, independent person in a relationship.

Just for my own personal knowledge... is it bad to remind an ex about past memories when talking to him/her? Will this annoye them?

Past memories about what and who?

Past memories about what and who?

Go to my question called how to approach it.

Just for my own personal knowledge....is it bad to remind an ex about past memories when talking to him/her? Will this annoye them?

It would be bad right at this moment. If you two became friends in the future, I don't see the harm in it, but not now.

It would be bad right at this moment. If you two became friends in the future, I dont see the harm in it, but not now.

Awesome idea and by the way I love how everyone answers my question within an hour!! You guys rock!! Thanks!!

awesome idea and by the way i love how everyone answers my question within an hour!!!!! you guys rock!!!! thanks!!!!

Ha ha, thanks. There's always someone online willing to help ;)

Just keep up with making yourself better. I know you can get past this, it just takes time. :)

I still ask - who are bringing up in the past memories? Someone you used to date or be married to? Are you bringing up your gf's past? Any of her faults? Are you bringing up your past? That is why I asked. Some people make atrocious errors in relationships by bringing up past garbage that needed to be taken out long ago.

Now if you are bringing up pleasant past memories of the two of you and she responds well to that, then you are doing okay. But listen to her, if she says enough is enough, then enough is enough.

Ha ha, thanks. There's always someone online willing to help ;)

Just keep up with making yourself better. I know you can get past this, it just takes time. :)

I just realized something today, this is a test. This gives me the PERFECT opportunity to go out and have fun with as many girls as I want while I have time to find who I am and what I like. If we are really meant for each other there is no question that we will eventaully find each other again. Throughout my relationship with her there were kind of stages where she would lean on me all the time and I would lean on her all the time, right now is the time that she isn't anywhere near me and I was trying to lean on her. What me and you talked about, I think the stage is going to switch back over to her, but it could a very long time. She has feelings for me that go deeper than anything or anyone has ever gone before, those feelings are dormant right now, but for now ROCK ON!!

Good for you. That's exactly how you should be looking at this time. I'm glad you get it.

After my last breakup I literally did whatever what me happy. It was really cool. It was nice to not have to worry about another person and to be able to fully focus on my own happiness.

i just realized something today, this is a test. this gives me the PERFECT opportunity to go out and have fun with as many girls as i want while i have time to find who i am and what i like. if we are really meant for eachother there is no question that we will eventaully find eachother again. throughout my relationship with her there were kind of stages where she would lean on me all the time and i would lean on her all the time, right now is the time that she isnt anywhere near me and i was trying to lean on her. what me and you talked about, i think the stage is going to switch back over to her, but it could a very long time. she has feelings for me that go deeper than anything or anyone has ever gone before, those feelings are dormant right now, but for now ROCK ON!!!!

Good job. Have fun! I hope you keep this up, you seem to be improving! :)

i just realized something today, this is a test. this gives me the PERFECT opportunity to go out and have fun with as many girls as i want while i have time to find who i am and what i like. if we are really meant for eachother there is no question that we will eventaully find eachother again. throughout my relationship with her there were kind of stages where she would lean on me all the time and i would lean on her all the time, right now is the time that she isnt anywhere near me and i was trying to lean on her. what me and you talked about, i think the stage is going to switch back over to her, but it could a very long time. she has feelings for me that go deeper than anything or anyone has ever gone before, those feelings are dormant right now, but for now ROCK ON!!!!Great, that's exactly the right mindset to have. Take charge of your own life and your happiness.

Ok I got really depressed the other day and I decided to drink at my house with a bunch of my friends and stupid me I decided to send my ex two messages through myspace. Here they are....."Hello Amy, it is me Timmy your friend, right off I will tell u that i am a little drunk right now, congrats on ur new baby cousin!!!!! Hooray!!!! in case u didnt know i got a tattoo!!!! go to my profile and look at it. its a tribal and it mean strength and courage. its what i need right now, did u know that i still sleep in the same bed where we made love!!!!!!!!!!!! if only u knew how it felt!!!!! one day u will know how i felt!!!! im not mad at you, i dont hold a grudge, im happy for u and i dont give a if u message me back or anything because i know u wont, because ur like that. anyway i have been going to the gym every day and i look great. i feel great and i hope ur happy for me. I want to be honest with u, im ok but i still think about you everyday and i wish the best for u. go to my profile and listen to my song, please do me that favor. College must be great for u, since i withdrew already since i withdrew, im a loser ahahahahahhahahah. w/e u dont care because u dumped me and thats that. but guess what smooshies im a better person now and u dont realize it. and dont forget my b-day is on thursday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woooo hewwww!!!!! amy u WERE the best thing in my life and w/e i dont care, have a good night and just stay safe. remember i love u and jamesies doesnt!!!!! hahahhahahaha thanks for all the good memories, i will never forget them and i cherish them everyday and if u ever wanna try again call me!!!!!!!!!!! ur the best u red headed gorgeous beauty." and this one o i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry about that message!!!!! i was wasted!!!! my life is kinda going down the drain!!! but really amy i am moving to NJ and guess what? did u know that i am still factoring YOU in the equation!? i really want u to see me for who i have become, just please gimme that chance!!!! i mean we dated for 2 and half years and we loved each other very much. close your eyes and just see me as i see you. u could make a good husband and i have a goal in life, i wanna support you and w/e comes our way. I promise i wont bother u anymore, that last message i was ed up. just please do me a favor and dont forget about me, u know how much i love u!!!!! god i feel soooo stupid!!!! everyday i ask myself about u and i pray to go that ur ok and safe and happy. dont u understand that i could be suck a good man for u, i could buy u anything and i could do anything for u. amy it has been too long, im sick of it. babie, cutie pie, like i said before u arent going to respong to this and its ok. Its just !!!! what else do u want from me!!!!!!!!!??????? im a man whos willing to sacrfice anything for this special girl (YOU) isnt that good enough, someone to care for u and be there always. You just remember that amy and dont u ever forget how much we have been through, EVERYTHING!!!! from the first time u sat on my lap on valentines day to when we first kissed. dont u ever forget about me. im too good a person too let goo. JUST REMEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i still remember everything from us and i still hold on to everything between us. Amy im sorry for everything i have done to u, please forgive me for. remember the celine deon CD we sang too each other, u gotta see the love in that. dont u dare ever forget who loves u most, DONT U EVER!!!! I still love u and w/e i feel so pathetic right now, Huhhhhhh babie i love you, goodbye. I sent both of those messages last night while I was completely drunk, what should I do, Im freaking out here!

Yipes dude, you kind of did the old "drunk and dumb move"... no worries, we all have. No damage control will un-do it, just laugh about it and DON'T DO IT AGAIN! Oh man, I can't help but laugh a bit when reading them because I have done close to the same. I would say just act like it never happened, don't send her another message... PERIOD... FOR NO REASON!! If you want to prove it was "a drunk thing" let it be just that, let it go, have a laugh, move on.

Yipes dude, you kinda did the old "drunk and dumb move".....no worries, we all have. No damage control will un-do it, just laugh about it and DON'T DO IT AGAIN! Oh man, I can't help but laugh a bit when reading them because I have done close to the same. I would say just act like it never happened, dont send her another message.....PERIOD....FOR NO REASON!!! If you want to prove it was "a drunk thing" let it be just that, let it go, have a laugh, move on.

HAHAHA! The next morning I woke up and thought it was a dream! I looked at it and laughed so hard! I did have a good laugh! Lol and surprisingly I feel OK about it.

Im telling you man, I know the feeling... Ive done that pretty bad as well. It makes you feel like an , but if you don't see her... it shouldn't matter. If you do see her, just laugh about it, poke fun at yourself for it. Hahahaha, wow bud you laid it on THICK! Hahaha, its cool. Just TRY not to send her anymore, not even a "hello" for at least a month.

Ouch.

At least you didn't put LOL anywhere.

I think this is one of those occasions where it's best to pretend it never happened.

Ummmm... who is your cell phone provider that you can send a text message that long??

I agree with previous posts. Laugh about it, forget it, move on and don't do it again!

Hugs, Didi

=)) hahaha I laughed my off. Last night I had a chat with my ex and was a sleepwalker saying things I never meant and I woke up freaking out trying to fix things too. But eventually it was funny and ridiculous just like you did hahahha.

I wish we could have champaine here and cheer up, man!

Ask yourself why you want to bring up past events. Are you trying to reconnect? Are you gloating? Are you trying to annoy the person? If you really want to do this, try out a fairly neutral memory and see how it goes. (Remember when we fed the ducks at the park?) If the person is like "Oh Yeah!" then continue.

Just for my own personal knowledge....is it bad to remind an ex about past memories when talking to him/her? Will this annoye them?

For what purpose? Are you trying to get back with them? If so, its extremely powerful to inject good past memories of the two of you, something which you think she also thinks is a good memory. If not, I don't see the point really. I wouldn't be talking to an ex if I didn't want to get back with them, but hey, that's just me. ;)

Ummmm.... who is your cell phone provider that you can send a text message that long???

I agree with previous posts. Laugh about it, forget it, move on and don't do it again!

Hugs, Didi


Re-read his post... it was through MYSPACE, not a cell phone.

Ok i got really depressed the other day and I decided to drink at my house with a bunch of my friends and stupid me i decided to send my ex two messages through myspace. Here they are....."Hello Amy, it is me Timmy your friend, right off I will tell u that i am a little drunk right now, congrats on ur new baby cousin!!!!! Hooray!!!! in case u didnt know i got a tattoo!!!! go to my profile and look at it. its a tribal and it mean strength and courage. its what i need right now, did u know that i still sleep in the same bed where we made love!!!!!!!!!!!! if only u knew how it felt!!!!! one day u will know how i felt!!!! im not mad at you, i dont hold a grudge, im happy for u and i dont give a if u message me back or anything because i know u wont, because ur like that. anyway i have been going to the gym every day and i look great. i feel great and i hope ur happy for me. I want to be honest with u, im ok but i still think about you everyday and i wish the best for u. go to my profile and listen to my song, please do me that favor. College must be great for u, since i withdrew already since i withdrew, im a loser ahahahahahhahahah. w/e u dont care because u dumped me and thats that. but guess what smooshies im a better person now and u dont realize it. and dont forget my b-day is on thursday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woooo hewwww!!!!! amy u WERE the best thing in my life and w/e i dont care, have a good night and just stay safe. remember i love u and jamesies doesnt!!!!! hahahhahahaha thanks for all the good memories, i will never forget them and i cherish them everyday and if u ever wanna try again call me!!!!!!!!!!! ur the best u red headed gorgeous beauty." and this one o i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry about that message!!!!! i was wasted!!!! my life is kinda going down the drain!!! but really amy i am moving to NJ and guess what? did u know that i am still factoring YOU in the equation!? i really want u to see me for who i have become, just please gimme that chance!!!! i mean we dated for 2 and half years and we loved each other very much. close your eyes and just see me as i see you. u could make a good husband and i have a goal in life, i wanna support you and w/e comes our way. I promise i wont bother u anymore, that last message i was ed up. just please do me a favor and dont forget about me, u know how much i love u!!!!! god i feel soooo stupid!!!! everyday i ask myself about u and i pray to go that ur ok and safe and happy. dont u understand that i could be suck a good man for u, i could buy u anything and i could do anything for u. amy it has been too long, im sick of it. babie, cutie pie, like i said before u arent going to respong to this and its ok. Its just !!!! what else do u want from me!!!!!!!!!??????? im a man whos willing to sacrfice anything for this special girl (YOU) isnt that good enough, someone to care for u and be there always. You just remember that amy and dont u ever forget how much we have been through, EVERYTHING!!!! from the first time u sat on my lap on valentines day to when we first kissed. dont u ever forget about me. im too good a person too let goo. JUST REMEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i still remember everything from us and i still hold on to everything between us. Amy im sorry for everything i have done to u, please forgive me for. remember the celine deon CD we sang too each other, u gotta see the love in that. dont u dare ever forget who loves u most, DONT U EVER!!!! I still love u and w/e i feel so pathetic right now, Huhhhhhh babie i love you, goodbye. I sent both of those messages last night while i was completely drunk, what should I do, Im freaking out here!?
Lol you are an idiot. Write her one more message that says "Sorry for all that. Won't happen again."

Good job. Have fun!! I hope you keep this up, you seem to be improving! :)

Just wanted to tell that I am staying strong and having funn. My ex's birthday is coming up on the 28th and mine is actually on the 18th, tomorrow. I was thinking of giving her a call that day and saying happy birthday or sending her a card, is that too much? I want to do something where she will say "Aw that was very sweet" and I want to get her thinking again.

You're going back. You may or may not realize it but when you keep finding "reasons" to contact her it's just a confirmation you won't let go. I would send her a card and then do the whole No contact thing until your emotions become a lot more settled down and distant towards her. Otherwise you will keep this situation in perpetuity.

You're going back. You may or may not realize it but when you keep finding "reasons" to contact her it's just a confirmation you won't let go. I would send her a card and then do the whole No contact thing until your emotions become a lot more settled down and distant towards her. Otherwise you will keep this situation in perpetuity.

True that, but I haven't spoken to her in over a month and I figured it would be a nice gesture. And yes I am having a hard time letting her go.

I think it would be a bad idea. You still have not let go. You are still looking for ways to be in some kind of contact.

I agree. It is a bad idea. Let it go. Its only been a month and granted its her birthday but you are not in the right place yet to be contacting her for any reasons.

OK then that's cool, I won't contact her

ok then thats cool, I wont contact herAnd don't contact her for a few more months.. you will find out that it gets easier and some of the advice we have been giving will sink in. And you don't even want to contact her any longer.

Keep in mind a wound won't heal if you keep picking at the scab constantly. And this is exactly like that.

Forget about her, find new friends and a new woman and you will find you suddenly not only let go, but you don't even care about her anymore. And then you have taken charge of your own life and your own happiness.

Please somebody help answer these questions for me, why my did my ex start dating a guy exactly one month after we broke up (we dated for 2 and half years) when she went away to college two hours away while he is here in town? How can you start a healthy relationship at a long distance when they see each other every couple weeks? Why do I feel the need to "check up on her" every couple days (checking her myspace)? Why can't I just let go, I have done everything to keep myself busy and I still think about her constantly, is it time or am I still doing something wrong? Should I hang on to hope or am I wasting my life? Somebody please help me out so I can better understand it.

Hottrodder, I emphasize with your situation. The feelings you have are normal reactions. You have not let go and sill care about her. You need need to cut her off, and continue focusing on yourself. She will come up in your mind, but you need to occupy your mind. My ex is on my mind, and at times it can be overwhelming. BUT I'm still here, you are still here. It will be OK.

Curiosity has gotten the best of you. You want to know what she's doing, who she's seeing. Why does it matter? Does finding out really make you feel better? Don't check up on her. It will only make the situation worse.

I will pass on advice that someone else gave me. If she has found someone else, it has no bearing on what kind of man you are, it only shows how weak she is. You are better than that, you are a caring guy and deserve better, someone who will appreciate you.

It will take time to heal. Time is going to tick away, and you are in control of what you do with the time. Do not put your life on hold, in hopes of her returning. You will only regret having that time past you by. Be strong and take each day at it comes. You will be OK. Feelings and states of consciousness are not permanent, they come and go.

Why do you keep asking the same questions? We have told you toforget her and move on SEVERAL times. Please stop starting new threads with the same old story!

Your were blinded by the light and you'll see it slowly vanish in time. Just let her image recede and try not to feel like crap because it's taking so long. If you must think about her try to mix "the good the bad and the ugly" and never focus on just the good stuff. Hard for you to believe this but some day you'll thank the stars she's not around and you'll be with a much better person.

Hottrodder, I emphasize with your situation. The feelings you have are normal reactions. You have not let go and sill care about her. You need need to cut her off, and continue focusing on yourself. She will come up in your mind, but you need to occupy your mind. My ex is on my mind, and at times it can be overwhelming. BUT I'm still here, you are still here. It will be ok.

Curiosity has gotten the best of you. You want to know what she's doing, who she's seeing. Why does it matter? Does finding out really make you feel better? Don't check up on her. It will only make the situation worse.

I will pass on advice that someone else gave me. If she has found someone else, it has no bearing on what kind of man you are, it only shows how weak she is. You are better than that, you are a caring guy and deserve better, someone who will appreciate you.

It will take time to heal. Time is going to tick away, and you are in control of what you do with the time. Do not put your life on hold, in hopes of her returning. You will only regret having that time past you by. Be strong and take each day at it comes. You will be ok. Feelings and states of consciousness are not permanent, they come and go.

Yea I agree with everything you said, she is weak, she couldn't be alone, as soon as we broke up she ran to him. I don't want to be with a weak person.