OK i have and on and off again gurlfriend named geneva she's 20 and im 24 i work anD she dont work, we had a premature baby boy back on july 1st 2007 he came out the hospital on fri august 31st to go home too her and since the baby has COME HOME SHE HASNT CALLED ME OR SHOWED ME THE LOVE AND ATTENTION AND THE PHYSICAL LOVE SHE ONCE DID I MEAN IN know the baby need its mother and all but i feel that she has lost interest in me and might be cheating on me or getting attention from another guy or ONE OF HER EX's. I dont know how to handle this i had a female friend talk to her for me cause what's she is goin thru since the baby came home is a female problem that i want to understand but can't but SHOULD I BE WORRIED THAT SHE NEEDS SPACE OR IS CHEATING or Just tending to the baby as she is supposed. its so bad she dont even tell me she loves me or misses me anymore i have to make her say it SE EVEN SPEAK ABOUT THE BABY AS SAYING MY CHILD AND NOT OURS. HOW DO I HANDLE ALL THIS??? that and her house is mad crazy right now she has social workers coming to her house all the time i think and she takes the baby to the docter alot for his shots and other stuff on TOP OF THAT SHE MIGHT B PREGNANT AGAIN BY ME but also me and her have to go to court on sept 11th for the baby she has so i can know if he's my son. BUT I FEEL LIKE IM LOSING HER SHE DONT EVEN CALL ME 5-6 TIMES A DAY ANYMORE IM LUCK IF GET 1-2 CALLS FROM HER AND SHE DONT EVEN STAY ON THE PHONE OVEr 10mins. am i jealous of a infant baby no but i just want my gurl and our relationship like it was when the baby was in the hospital but i know it will not be but WHAT CAN I DO TO GET OUR LOVE BACK we where only having sex twice a week but both times it was good. her period hasnt come for i guess 2 weeks is it possible she preg AGAIN?? please help:confused:

Just to let ya know we don't live together i live in newak nj and she lives in brooklyn nyc bed stuy to the exact, and i want to help her as much as possible anyway i can. I work but she those not im 24 be 25 in oct and she is 20 and she has 6 other sibling from 16-1/2 years so she never gets any sleep or barely unless she comes to my house to chill but i want to be a part of my son and her life i love n care about her i dropped off a hand writing letter today for her she got it. I need help i want ot help her the best way i can but how can i?? She deserves better

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I've had two children. The last thing I wanted for at least three months after the babies were born was sex. My insides and my outsides were still healing. I would never have even thought about cheating. There wouldn't have been time!!

Your baby just came home last Friday. A preemie means tons of work -- far more than what a regular baby needs. It sounds like your girlfriend is trying to be a good mom and get the baby off to a good start. Doesn't the fact that there are social workers all over the place tell you this?

Have you been over to your gf's place to see what all goes on? Change a few poopy diapers and listen to the baby crying without losing your mind and do a few loads of laundry and stop worrying about sex and cheating. Trust me, those two things are NOT on your gf's mind!!

Okay first things first. She has a premature baby on July 1, 2007 and the baby just came home. There is stress and worrying involved just from the baby being a preemie and what problems come with that. She is hormonal, stressed, worried and a whole other host of emotions. That's the first thing that you have to understand. My son was born March 26, 2007 (2 months early) and it is not an easy thing to go through. And then she must make sure that the house is up to the standards of the social worker and that is also very stressful when you just want to enjoy your new baby and make sure she is OK. She could also be going through her postpartum. Sex is probably the last thing on her mind because she is probably tired, stressed, etc. Do you help with the baby? Do you try to give her a break from the baby so she can have a bit of time to herself? All of that is important. Secondly, you say that you guys have court to see if the baby is your's. How do you think that makes her feel? That causes more stress on her. And then you want her to give you more sex, but you question the baby that you guys have. That probably makes her feel betrayed, inadequate and hurt, so to protect herself, she distances herself from you. Think about what she is going through and what you are asking. She is taking on a lot right now and if she has no help or support, then you should be that support if you love her. She's emotional and going through a tough time right now so take caution in the things that you say and be careful not to nag or apply too much pressure. It's not uncommon for men to feel as though they are not getting any attention now that a new baby has arrived, but just remember that she's new to this and she's probably trying to get as adjusted to a new situation as you are.

Get over there and help the girl out. She is over worked and overtiered. She's most likely mad at you and I don't blame her

I've had two children. The last thing I wanted for at least three months after the babies were born was sex. My insides and my outsides were still healing. I would never have even thought about cheating. There wouldn't have been time!!!

Your baby just came home last Friday. A preemie means tons of work -- far more than what a regular baby needs. It sounds like your gf is trying to be a good mom and get the baby off to a good start. Doesn't the fact that there are social workers all over the place tell you this?

Have you been over to your gf's place to see what all goes on? Change a few poopy diapers and listen to the baby crying without losing your mind and do a few loads of laundry and stop worrying about sex and cheating. Trust me, those two things are NOT on your gf's mind!!!!!


Well i went to her house today and it was dirty and our baby was sleep she was at the local hospital with siblings, she seems like she don't want to be bothered with me im so depressed and miss her love i mean the baby comes first.

Why didn't you get to work to clean house and wash dishes??

P.S. Even I would start loving you, if you washed my dishes and cleaned my house. You'll be fighting her off if you help out instead of complain. (Women's romantic feelings begin in their heads, with how guys handle day-to-day stuff like taking out the garbage and helping with the laundry.)

I agree with Wondergirl. She will respond more to you if you help out around the house and with the baby. She has a lot to take care of and if you aren't helping she probably is mad at you. If you think you are depressed, how do you think she feels?

Check out the sites in blue...

BabyCenter -- Advice for New Dads (http://www.babycenter.com/advice-for-new-dads)

While you are waiting and watching her be busy around the place and taking care of the baby, try catching up on some stuff you could have been checking out together during her pregnancy.

The site also goes to beginning of pregnancy and shows you the progress. Just in case (and it could well be because you could not wait and did not use protection) that you are going to become a dad again... this time I doubt if you need a paternity test though.

Pregnancy: So you're going to be a dad (http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/preg/preg_dad01.asp)

This one deals a bit more with becoming a dad.

So, if you can't help her around the house or with the baby, the least you can do is read up and learn so that you can understand and respect what she is doing. Get used to it because your life has changed a lot too, and it will never be "like it was before". What's important now is your attitude towards your "family".

For starters you could tell her the baby is beautiful and that your glad they both made it home safely.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_5_16.gifHappy parenting!

Okay first things first. She has a premature baby on July 1, 2007 and the baby just came home. There is stress and worrying involved just from the baby being a preemie and what problems come with that. She is hormonal, stressed, worried and a whole other host of emotions. That's the first thing that you have to understand. My son was born March 26, 2007 (2 months early) and it is not an easy thing to go through. And then she must make sure that the house is up to the standards of the social worker and that is also very stressful when you just want to enjoy your new baby and make sure she is ok. She could also be going through her postpartum. Sex is probably the last thing on her mind because she is probably tired, stressed, etc. Do you help with the baby? Do you try to give her a break from the baby so she can have a bit of time to herself? All of that is important. Secondly, you say that you guys have court to see if the baby is your's. How do you think that makes her feel? That causes more stress on her. And then you want her to give you more sex, but you question the baby that you guys have. That probably makes her feel betrayed, inadequate and hurt, so to protect herself, she distances herself from you. Think about what she is going through and what you are asking. She is taking on alot right now and if she has no help or support, then you should be that support if you love her. She's emotional and going through a tough time right now so take caution in the things that you say and be careful not to nag or apply too much pressure. It's not uncommon for men to feel as though they are not getting any attention now that a new baby has arrived, but just remember that she's new to this and she's probably trying to get as adjusted to a new situation as you are.


I have been too selfish ya right i just got off the phone with her i asked her and told her i want to help but i live in newark nj and she lives in brooklyn ny so it takes time to get too her

I agree with Wondergirl. She will respond more to you if you help out around the house and with the baby. She has a lot to take care of and if you arent helping she probably is mad at you. If you think you are depressed, how do you think she feels?

We don't live together ok and she lives with her mom and seven other siblings

I HAVE BEEN TOO SELFISH YA RIGHT I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH HER I ASKED HER AND TOLD HER I WANT TO HELP BUT I LIVE IN NEWARK NJ AND SHE LIVES IN BROOKLYN NY SO IT TAKES TIME TO GET TOO HER


It might be hard but just remember that any little gesture of support will mean SOOOO much, it really will. Don't give up. Even if it's just sending her a card in the mail telling her how much she means to you or how much you care will go a long way, I promise you.

So when you visit, you help around her place and learn how to take care of the baby. Be agreeable and useful and show her what a man can do to tell his woman he loves her.

On another note, have you thought of what you will do if she is pregnant again. Did you two plan on living together at some point or was she just good enough for sex? (Don't answer here, just think) These questions might seem very personal right now, but these and many others are questions that the mother of your child is asking.. maybe not outloud, but they are there.. I hope that you plan on answering some of her unspoken questions sometime soon.

Also, next time, after any more of your children are born, respect the mother enough to wait at least six weeks before having sex, and use a condom (not only to prevent pregnancy but to prevent INFECTIONS), because she is still healing.

So, what is the baby's name?

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It might be hard but just remember that any little gesture of support will mean SOOOO much, it really will. Don't give up. Even if it's just sending her a card in the mail telling her how much she means to you or how much you care will go a long way, i promise you.


I wrote her a letter and after I got out of class I came to her house ot leave it for her so I'm going buy her a card and bear asap

On another note, have you thought of what you will do if she is pregnant again. Did you two plan on living together at some point or was she just good enough for sex? (Don't answer here, just think) These questions might seem very personal right now, but these and many others are questions that the mother of your child is asking.. maybe not outloud, but they are there.. I hope that you plan on answering some of her unspoken questions sometime soon.

Also, next time, after any more of your children are born, respect the mother enough to wait at least six weeks before having sex, and use a condom (not only to prevent pregnancy but to prevent INFECTIONS), because she is still healing.

So, what is the baby's name?

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To answer you she asked and told me that she couldn't wait 6 weeks she was very horny and if i didn't help she would go elsewhere and at that time we where trying to get back together and we were talking again after months of arging and stress and yes i plan to marry her but if she is going to be so moody i don't know but i have looked like a fool for a long time with she knows how much i love her and care about her but she takes me for granted

i wrote her a letter and after i got out of class i came to her house ot leave it for her so im goin buy her a card n bear asap

Regardless of what happens between the two of you, be the BEST FATHER that you can. No matter what, always be there for your children

TO ANSWER YOU SHE ASKED AND TOLD ME THAT SHE COULDNT WAIT 6 WEEKS SHE WAS VERY HORNY AND IF I DIDNT HELP SHE WOULD GO ELSEWHERE AND AT THAT TIME WE WHERE TRYING TO GET BACK TOGETHER AND WE WERE TALKING AGAIN AFTER MONTHS OF ARGING AND STRESS AND YES I PLAN TO MARRY HER BUT IF SHE IS GOIN TO BE SO MOODY I DONT KNOW BUT I HAVE LOOKED LIKE A FOOL FOR A LONG TIME WITH SHE KNOWS HOW MUCH I LOVE HER AND CARE BOUT HER BUT SHE TAKES ME FOR GRANTED

His name is Isiah.

Oh he is absolutely gorgeous and adorable. He is beautiful. Both of you should be so proud that he is here and doing well. He is reason enough to work on it. He is very beautiful and precious. Congrats

Oh he is absolutely gorgeous and adorable. He is beautiful. Both of you should be so proud that he is here and doing well. He is reason enough to work on it. He is very beautiful and precious. Congrats


Yeah but i don't know if he's mine yes he so cute but i told her i want to be in both there life's i want him to be my son

Would it be possible for her to move with you?

Congrats! He's just gorgeous!

I hope that the court issue comes out the way you hope and that all will go well.

Give your GF a chance.. her moods will be as they will be, but as long as you know that they can be expected, you can learn how to handle them. A lot of women get horny shortly after birth, but it is not the safest thing to do. Maybe someone needs to explain this to her for the future. Being a new mom she has to take good care of her own health so that she can be there for him, and you of course.

Let us know how things work out.
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Congrats! He's just gorgeous!

I hope that the court issue comes out the way you hope and that all will go well.

Give your GF a chance.. her moods will be as they will be, but as long as you know that they can be expected, you can learn how to handle them. A lot of women get horny shortly after birth, but it is not the safest thing to do. Maybe someone needs to explain this to her for the future. Being a new mom she has to take good care of her own health so that she can be there for him, and you of course.

Let us know how things work out.
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OK I will thks but as far as health she was throwing up last week and her period hasn't come in weeks

Would it be possible for her to move with you?


Yeah if she got a job I live with my mother though

Well think about getting a place for you guys to live in. You are an adult with a family now (if your trying to make it work) so perhaps getting a place where you guys could live as a family might benefit her. Being in a house with so many sibling and family might really be a problem for her and her family could be getting in her ear about things.

Well you live in NJ and she lives in NY?? How far of a distance is that. Maybe she feels like you're out of the picture because you're so far away from what is going on. It takes time for the woman to be back to her normal state of mind. But I recall you quoting that she said It's her child and not OURS and that is not right especially when you want to be in her and your child's life. It seems that you show her your concern and she should acknowledge you more. The main problem is that she's stressed over this and you may be putting a burden on her. I know you care... A LOT, but you should back off and see how things get. If worst comes to worst... you need to confront her and tell her what you feel which I'm sure you've already tried. Don't consult her in a whiney tone but more an assertive manner because you need to help her to have her mind at ease but while getting what you want. But there are other views and I don't know enough to answer fully. But one thing is the sex... I'm not saying that you don't love her but if you really care about this relationship, you will lay off about the sex and maybe when things are settled with you r child, Geneva will bring to you your child in better health then when he/she was born. You need to make it more of an obligation to be physically closer to her if at all possible. There's always the possibility though that she is the rotten type of female that will take what she wants from you and leave... Believe me I know it. It happened to me and all so quick. But I wish you the best of luck and all you can do now is wait though you feel like you're losing your mind. Do not become too passive as to what is going on with her but also don't hound her over it. In time things should get better because the bottom line is, it is most likely your child and you want your life with her... but if for some odd reason things do not work out and she leaves you, do not let her go until she gives you an explanation as to why she did this to you. And if you really really love her, you will do everything in your absolute power to make things right, if not for her, for the child so at least she knows you care. And if she does contact you, my personal advice would be to get into the topic of her and your child quickly and ask her questions about the baby and how she is feeling. Do your best to show you care and don't let her cut the phone cut short until you get the answers that you want about her health and your baby's. And I'll be honest with you, the words "i love you" don't mean sh*t because things can always change on you and then you're left in a weak position. You must SHOW her you love her. If you don't say "i love you" (which will be hard because you do) and you hang up with her she may realize how much she loves you and wants to hear that you still do the next time(this worked for me haha). But the downside is that in my relationship when my girlfriend stopped saying "I love you" back and when I told her I missed her she sounded like she really didn't. Soon enough she broke up with me... You and me are pretty much in the same shoes except a child is not involved.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, what a cute baby!!

And I am so happy in how differently you are writing now from your first post.

I like the idea of her and the baby moving in with you in your own place or with your mom for a while if she's OK with that. What work has your girlfriend done in the past? AND what about the baby while she's working? Would you take turns with her taking care of him?

What the baby's first name? For a preemie starting, he (she?) looks pretty good sized now.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, what a cute baby!!!!!!

And I am so happy in how differently you are writing now from your first post.

I like the idea of her and the baby moving in with you in your own place or with your mom for a while if she's ok with that. What work has your gf done in the past? AND what about the baby while she's working? Would you take turns with her taking care of him?

What the baby's first name? For a preemie starting out, he (she?) looks pretty good sized now.


His name is isiah an I don't know if my mom would like that but I want to be near her so I can help when she comes to my house she gets sleep

I love that name! Do the two women know each other very well? Do you think they would get along living together? Could you afford to get your own place?

Well you live in NJ and she lives in NY??? How far of a distance is that. Maybe she feels like you're out of the picture because you're so far away from what is going on. It takes time for the woman to be back to her normal state of mind. But I recall you quoting that she said It's her child and not OURS and that is not right especially when you want to be in her and your child's life. It seems that you show her your concern and she should acknowledge you more. The main problem is that she's stressed over this and you may be putting a burden on her. I know you care...A LOT, but you should back off and see how things get. If worst comes to worst...you need to confront her and tell her what you feel which I'm sure you've already tried. Don't consult her in a whiney tone but more an assertive manner because you need to help her to have her mind at ease but while getting what you want. But there are other views and I don't know enough to answer fully. But one thing is the sex...I'm not saying that you don't love her but if you really care about this relationship, you will lay off about the sex and maybe when things are settled with you r child, Geneva will bring to you your child in better health then when he/she was born. You need to make it more of an obligation to be physically closer to her if at all possible. There's always the possibility though that she is the rotten type of female that will take what she wants from you and leave...Believe me I know it. It happened to me and all so quick. But I wish you the best of luck and all you can do now is wait though you feel like you're losing your mind. Do not become too passive as to what is going on with her but also don't hound her over it. In time things should get better because the bottom line is, it is most likely your child and you want your life with her...but if for some odd reason things do not work out and she leaves you, do not let her go until she gives you an explanation as to why she did this to you. And if you really really love her, you will do everything in your absolute power to make things right, if not for her, for the child so at least she knows you care. And if she does contact you, my personal advice would be to get into the topic of her and your child quickly and ask her questions about the baby and how she is feeling. Do your best to show you care and don't let her cut the phone cut short until you get the answers that you want about her health and your baby's. And I'll be honest with you, the words "i love you" don't mean sh*t because things can always change on you and then you're left in a weak position. you must SHOW her you love her. If you don't say "i love you" (which will be hard because you do) and you hang up with her she may realize how much she loves you and wants to hear that you still do the next time(this worked for me haha). But the downside is that in my relationship when my girlfriend stopped saying "I love you" back and when I told her I missed her she sounded like she really didn't. Soon enough she broke up with me...You and me are pretty much in the same shoes except a child is not involved.


Thks but yeah she don't say like that anymore I got to make her say it and she I the type to be too closee to her ex's on the phone and on myspace

What a beautiful baby you have. I am guessing this is your first?

If it is, you need to understand that having a baby is all about the baby and nothing about the mother or father. ESPECIALLY if it is a preemie.

Preemies come with a multitude of possible problems. I bet she is focusing on that right now.

Also, I hope and pray she is not pregnant again. This would be very dangerous to her health, as well as the unborn baby. Please use protection if she is not pregnant.

I hope things work out for you, and remember, she may just be focusing on that tiny little life right now. That is what is important at this moment in time.

I love that name! Do the two women know each other very well? Do you think they would get along living together? Could you afford to get your own place?


I go too school 3 days a week and work barely 2 days ima paraprofessional in nyc for nyc doe and my mom likes geneva its really about geneva's mom don't like or barely respects me

Aha! This is your big chance to turn things around in how Geneva's mom thinks about you. Would Geneva be willing to move in with you and your mom? Um, how old is Geneva? Is she under 18?

Aha!! This is your big chance to turn things around in how Geneva's mom thinks about you. Would Geneva be willing to move in with you and your mom? Um, how old is Geneva? Is she under 18?


She's 20 n yeah she would want to move but she told me she would think about it

Dude if I was you id get my priorities straight as soon as possible, you have a baby, DO NOT get her pregnant again, what do you think will happen to the relatioship then. Chances are your girlfriend is very upset or un accepting the baby for some reason. Your best chances are to take her out to dinner, and try to talk to her about. DO NOT FIGHT WITH HER. And ask her what she wants. Expect the worse most of all. No matter what the path will only get harder from here on. And if she does leave you, make sure you raise that baby like it's the only thing that matters to you in the whole wide world. Because you can't make the child feel guilty or dissadvantaged. The biggest thing now is the child. You really have to rethink everything... goodluck... oh and try to get HEAPS of support from the community, go to church, go to people that can help out. Don't do it alone.

Regards

Dear, from what you said about her period not showing and her throwing up, I think you need to prepare to becoming a dad of two...

Is there anything keeping her from living with you? Is she responsible for her siblings during the day? It sounds like a lot of responsibility for a young mother, while living with so many siblings.. Did she ever in her life have a chance to be a normal teen? Maybe I read too much into this, but I think you'd both be happier and out of an endless rut if you two would establish your own 'family unit' without all the others.

As was said here before, get all the help and support you can both get from any organization and community structure as possible. There are people out there willing to help you somehow, all you need to do is ask.

Nothing in life is easy and I hope that you get the chance to experience the joy being a father can be. Our kids need all the love and comfort we can give them, anywhere in this world.

Blessings and best wishes..

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Wow guy you have a lot on your plate at this time and I can only tell you that she will be so hard to understand at this time after giving birth and going through a lot of mental, physical, emotional and phycological changes. Be patient and do the right things by your new family and don't get upset with her many changes she will send you through. Especially if she is pregnant again. The distance between you will help nothing and maybe being closer and more physically involved is what you need right now, but be ready to catch hell as that's what young mothers do.

The baby needs both mother and father. Show her that you are grateful about the child that has come into both of your lives. Show up where she lives with diapers, clothes, gifts and for her show her that she´s not alone. Help her clean, make her food, give her a break from the baby

How about giving us a break with all those caps, okay!!