My fiancée want me to do oral sex for him. I don’t like it when I am available but he want oral sex rather than make love to me. So, I didn’t do it and went to sleep. He went to another room masturbation with the pornography. I feel he is so sick! I don’t want to talk to him and let him touch me at all. Did my reaction is normal? Should I have open mind for that? Is it acceptable he do masturbate with the pornography even when I am available? :confused:

But you refused to give him satisfaction ! What did you expect him to do if he was already worked up. I don't know, some women think its actually cheating if their s/o masturbates with porno.

Sounds to be as if you were actually a little jealous and maybe hurt. You weren't available, so you say, and maybe if you had given in to him you and he could have had a good time without the porno.

It works both ways, its all give and take.

So you were available for sex, but didn't want to give him oral sex, correct?

When you told him you didn't want to give him oral sex, what did he say? Did he still want to have sex? You probably shouldn't have just gone to sleep.

If he was aroused, I'm sure he would have had sex with you. It has been explained to me that when a male gets aroused it can be quite painful if they don't get that "release". That could be why he masturbated.

So you were available for sex, but didnt want to give him oral sex, correct?

When you told him you didnt want to give him oral sex, what did he say? Did he still want to have sex? You probably shouldnt have just gone to sleep.

If he was aroused, i'm sure he would have had sex with you. It has been explained to me that when a male gets aroused it can be quite painful if they dont get that "release". That could be why he masturbated.

I don't want give him oral sex of because every time he wait for me to give him oral sex before we have sex again, like alterate. If I don't give him oral sex he will perfered masturbate, even I am available.

I didn't tell him I don't want to give him oral sex, but I want him to know I'm available why don't you have sex with me instead of oral sex!

I don't want give him oral sex of because every time he wait for me to give him oral sex before we have sex again, like alterate. If I don't give him oral sex he will perfered masturbate, even I am available.

I didn't tell him I don't want to give him oral sex, but I want him to know I'm available why don't you have sex with me instead of oral sex!

If you didn't tell him then he doesn't know. It is always best to be upfront with your significant other.

If you didnt tell him then he doesnt know. It is always best to be upfront with your significant other.

I understand that... we had this discussion before. I told him I don't like when he think oral sex is more important in our sex life than make love to me. He told me oral sex is more satisfy for him. And that's why he wait for me to give him oral sex all the time. He do know what I want since he talked before. He just doesn't want to make love to me (not completely satisfy for him).

Everyone has their own preferences. Sexual intercourse is not pleasurable for a lot of people, mainly women. This is a 50/50 situation, you give him 50, he'll give you 50, see what I mean?

Do I think you should have to do it every time you get intimate? No, of course not. Do you mind doing it, as long as its not all the time? Or are you completely against it no matter what?

If it is more satisfying for him to be intimate this way, I don't see anything wrong with it. He just has to understand that if you give, he has to give too.

Everyone has their own preferences. Sexual intercourse is not pleasurable for a lot of people, mainly women. This is a 50/50 situation, you give him 50, he'll give you 50, see what I mean?

Do I think you should have to do it every time you get intimate? No, of course not. Do you mind doing it, as long as its not all the time? Or are you completely against it no matter what?

If it is more satisfying for him to be intimate this way, I dont see anything wrong with it. He just has to understand that if you give, he has to give too.

Well... he will have sex to me if I do it alturate. But I just don't like sometimes he like see porn (I hate porn!) and get him all excited before he comes to me. I feel like he wasn't make love to me and feel like I been used...

You may want to be a little bit more open minded about oral sex. Guys love it just as women love when a guy that knows what they are doing goes down on them. Like was mentioned you aren't expected to do it all the time.

I can't explain why he went to get off himself since you didn't really turn him away, you just said no to that act.

Perhaps its something he really wanted (or felt he needed at the moment) but only he knows that. I can say oral sex is a more stimulating act... however I can't say I've ever said its oral or nothing, or even anal or nothing.

Personally both of you need to think about what each of you did, I think you both share in this, its not just him or just you. Each of you decide its only what you want only the way you want it, only when you want it. That's not good.

He needs to do something about his selfishness (after all 2 people are involved, not just one), and you need to try to be a little bit more open minded as well. Or you will both have major issues if you get married before resolving them. They won't go away on their own.

You may want to be a little bit more open minded about oral sex. Guys love it just as women love when a guy that knows what they are doing goes down on them. Like was mentioned you aren't expected to do it all the time.

I can't explain why he went to get off himself since you didn't really turn him away, you just said no to that act.

Perhaps its something he really wanted (or felt he needed at the moment) but only he knows that. I can say oral sex is a more stimulating act....however I can't say I've ever said its oral or nothing, or even anal or nothing.

Personally both of you need to think about what each of you did, I think you both share in this, its not just him or just you. Each of you decide its only what you want only the way you want it, only when you want it. Thats not good.

He needs to do something about his selfishness (after all 2 people are involved, not just one), and you need to try to be a little bit more open minded as well. Or you will both have major issues if you get married before resolving them. They won't go away on their own.

Because he is lazy to do the work, and takes longer to finished what he wanted. So it is easy for him do it himself with porn.

Tell him next time that if he wants oral, so do you.

Because he is lazy to do the work, and takes longer to finished what he wanted. So it is easy for him do it himself with porn.
Still doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Spanking the monkey is not better than intercourse. And the amount of work either takes has nothing to do with it.

Still doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Spanking the monkey is not better than intercourse. And the amount of work either takes has nothing to do with it.

The whole reason for the masturbation was he asked her for oral, she didn't want to do it, so she just rolled over and went to sleep, calling the whole thing off. They didn't have intercourse either. In my opinion, what was he supposed to do?

The whole reason for the masturbation was he asked her for oral, she didnt want to do it, so she just rolled over and went to sleep, calling the whole thing off. They didnt have intercourse either. In my opinion, what was he supposed to do?

She offered regular intercourse after turning down performing oral, but before rolling over to go asleep. Or at least that's what I read into her question. If she in fact said no then rolled over and went to sleep immediately then that changes things completely then could understand him going off to spank the monkey rather than suffering blue balls all night.

She offered regular intercourse after turning down performing oral, but before rolling over to go asleep. Or at least that's what I read into her question. If she in fact said no then rolled over and went to sleep immediately then that changes things completely then could understand him going off to spank the monkey rather than suffering blue balls all night.

I apologize, I was under the assumption that she just called the whole thing off and went to sleep :


I don’t like it when I am available but he want oral sex rather than make love to me. So, I didn’t do it and went to sleep.

That's why I didn't blame him for the masturbating. I think most guys would masturbate if they are aroused and not getting that "release".

She offered regular intercourse after turning down performing oral, but before rolling over to go asleep. Or at least thats what I read into her question. If she in fact said no then rolled over and went to sleep immediately then that changes things completely then could understand him going off to spank the monkey rather than suffering blue balls all night.

Sometimes he is lazy have sex with me instead of ask me for oral sex. Because intercourse takes time, like foreplay, kisses, etc. also, he says, he enjoy having sex with me, but oral sex is feel more fulfilled. After intercourse he might still want some more, but after oral sex he feel he is done!

I apologize, I was under the assumption that she just called the whole thing off and went to sleep :



Thats why I didnt blame him for the masturbating. I think most guys would masturbate if they are aroused and not getting that "release".

I'll agree, lets see if she offered intercourse or just rolled over and went to sleep. The way its worded it could have been either way.

sometimes he is lazy have sex with me instead of ask me for oral sex. because intercourse takes time, like foreplay, kisses, etc. also, he says, he enjoy having sex with me, but oral sex is feel more fulfilled. After intercourse he might still want some more, but after oral sex he feel he is done!

He sounds like he is selfish in bed. You really need to talk with him and get all of this sorted out before you get married. These issues could become huge later on.

sometimes he is lazy have sex with me instead of ask me for oral sex. because intercourse takes time, like foreplay, kisses, etc. also, he says, he enjoy having sex with me, but oral sex is feel more fulfilled. After intercourse he might still want some more, but after oral sex he feel he is done!What country are you from? And him? There might be a cultural issue at play here as well.

I apologize, I was under the assumption that she just called the whole thing off and went to sleep :



Thats why I didnt blame him for the masturbating. I think most guys would masturbate if they are aroused and not getting that "release".

I don't blame him if he need masturbate to get if off. I just blame him that, he had choice, but he preferred masturbate with porn rather than have sex with me.

What country are you from? And him? There might be a cultural issue at play here as well.

I'm Asia, and he is from Holland, but he grown up here. I know this also apart of the issue too. He's always say I need to be open a bit more. He tried to convince me before to watch porn and tell me some women like porn and watch it with their guys too, but I just don't like it. We got a lot of agurment before because he keep downloading porn on his computer. Sometimes I feel he is not make love with me, he just use me for his fantasy to release (just my thought). Porn is just ruinng our relationship so much! He says, I just make big deal of it!

Well Holland is not a country where the culture is all about just what the man wants. Its about as progressive as any western nation. I know in many Muslim predominate nations its all about what the man wants and the woman has nothing to say, or little to say if anything.

Now there are exceptions anyplace, but I'll say this is more about him than a cultural thing. Not knowing which Asian nation you are in, as I know there is a great difference between them. Some far more open than others by culture. Most western nations hold mens as well as women's satisfaction in equal importance. There are always exceptions even here.

Well Holland is not a country where the culture is all about just what the man wants. Its about as progressive as any western nation. I know in many Muslim predominate nations its all about what the man wants and the woman has nothing to say, or little to say if anything.

Now there are exceptions anyplace, but I'll say this is more about him than a cultural thing. Not knowing which Asian nation you are in, as I know there is a great difference between them. Some far more open than others by culture. Most western nations hold mens as well as womens satisfaction in equal importance. There are always exceptions even here.

I agreed what you say. His father also like porn, and his mom told me she doesn't like it at all. But his mom know can't change his dad, so just let him for over 30 years's marriage. I think it from the gene! :o

I agreed what you say. His father also like porn, and his mom told me she doesn't like it at all. But his mom know can't change his dad, so just let him for over 30 years's marriage. I think it from the gene! :oWhich Asian country are you located in... we don't need to know the city. It will give us a better idea of where and under what version of morality you were both raised. As you said he was from Holland but raised in Asia, that can have some bearing on how he thinks more than where his parents were from.

Which Asian country are you located in....we don't need to know the city. It will give us a better idea of where and under what version of morality you were both raised. As you said he was from Holland but raised in Asia, that can have some bearing on how he thinks more than where his parents were from.

He was from Holland, raised in C.A, (not in Asia). I was originally from Hong Kong, also raised in Hong Kong.

OK, I can see your more conservative upbringing, not as much as some Asian countries but less than some others. C. A. I am not familiar with as an abbreviation. So still only have to guess what average community standards he grew up around are. Some women get overly paranoid about porn and say its an obsession when its not then spend hours shopping for clothes every day for days and see nothing wrong there.

That said Porn isn't his issue. I think its more about him being a bit egocentric and\or maybe selfish since he had to have oral or he had to masturbate. Speaking personally there have been some days wife didn't want one certain act but preferred something else, which I accommodated without problem. I will admit my wife is by no means against either oral or anal and likes both. That's makes it a little different, but the point I made is even though I was in the mood for lets say C she suggested A because B requires getting up and washing up again, I didn't have a fit and say I'll just do it myself. I did it however she had a preference for at the moment.

OK, I can see your more conservative upbringing, not as much as some Asian countries but less than some others. C. A. I am not familiar with as an abbreviation. So still only have to guess what average community standards he grew up around are. Some women get overly paranoid about porn and say its an obsession when its not then spend hours shopping for clothes every day for days and see nothing wrong there.

That said Porn isn't his issue. I think its more about him being a bit egocentric and\or maybe selfish since he had to have oral or he had to masturbate. Speaking personally there have been some days wife didn't want one certain act but preferred something else, which I accommodated without problem. I will admit my wife is by no means against either oral or anal and likes both. Thats makes it a little different, but the point I made is even though I was in the mood for lets say C she suggested A because B requires getting up and washing up again, I didn't have a fit and say I'll just do it myself. I did it however she had a preference for at the moment.

I'm sorry, I should make is a little bit more clear. C.A means California.

Maybe you don't see porn is a issue. But for my point of view. He keeping too much porn and in this case I feel a little freaking! At the past, he like to get excited by watching porn and come to me afterwards. I refused him few times and tell him I don't like you get excited from porn and come to me for release. Whatever he has chance he will go there, like when I went out or I am cooking in the kicthen, or I'm taking a shower, etc.

Would you mind if I ask what your wife says after you did it yourself without take care of what she wants?

Total case of "blue balls" if you are around and don't release... I'm sorry for saying that but I really don't know how it happens or what it is, that's just what people say it is...

total case of "blue balls" if you are around and dont release... im sorry for saying that but i really dont know how it happens or what it is, thats just what people say it is...


Heee... guys always say this!:D

They do because it is a common case and it doesn't go away for like 2 days, makes me want to cry :(

"blue balls"

They don't just say this, it is actually a true medical problem, not this particular terminology though.

Yeah, I don't really know the medical termanoligy for it... but that's term what my friends use lol...

I would just like to clarify this issue of "blue balls", it really is not a big problem and if your guy complains he is "afffected", then boohoo. What about for you women?

There is a soreness that may prevail, but really it's not such a big deal. Tell them to "fix" the problem and move on-some guys are a little "precious".

Cheers to you all.

He might have really been in the mood for oral that night. Let me ask you this, does he do it to you? If not, I can understand your position if he doesn't want to return the favor, but perhaps it wouldn't hurt to be a little more open to different forms of sex. It can be fun. Maybe you guys can visit a store with goodies and flavored things to make it more enjoyable.

Sounds to me like you feel he only wants you after he gets excited by porn. You don't feel it is YOU he wants but rather he has gotten all excited by something else and is using you to satisfy himself. Does that sound right? That doesn't feel like making love does it? I am willing to bet that you would be willing to perform oral on him if you felt more like it was him wanting you, to make love to you and that was just his preference to feel close to you. Right?

If that is true you do need to make sure he clearly understands what you are feeling. The you need to set clear boundaries with him. Tell him if he wants to look at porn that is his choice but that you will not allow him to come to you to be his little "porn star". Tell him you would prefer that he cut his porn viewing down to when you aren't around. Let him know that you just want to feel respected and that he is coming to you because it is you he wants to feel close to.

If he can't do that then I would really rethink your relationship. You aren't telling him no porn, you are simply asking to feel respected and wanted for you not the aftermath of watching something that has nothing to do with loving someone. If he isn't willing then that says just how selfish and self centered he is and maybe he isn't the person you should be with.

I'm sorry, I should make is a little bit more clear. C.A means California.

maybe you don't see porn is a issue. But for my point of view. He keeping too much porn and in this case I feel a little freaking! At the past, he like to get excited by watching porn and come to me afterwards. I refused him few times and tell him I don't like you get excited from porn and come to me for release. Whatever he has chance he will go there, like when I went out or I am cooking in the kicthen, or I'm taking a shower, etc.

Would you mind if I ask what your wife says after you did it yourself without take care of what she wants?

California in general is a pretty liberal place on the average. His mindset is not the prevailing one. Unless he grew up in a really repressive household it wasn't the environment that made him have that behavior

As far as me and my wife. I can honestly say the situation was never the same for us. I've never demanded it be a certain way and wife has never said go take care of yourself. And I have not gone to take care of myself after she didn't feel like doing one specific act the evening, there are three ways to get off with a woman without using hands, if one wasn't available at that moment the other two always were. As I said, marriage takes two people... you decide together which way you will do it, one doesn't demand the other do it their way if they are not in the mood to do it that way. As you told him you said no to oral but offered regular intercourse. He chose to go masturbate instead. I've never done that unless my wife was out of town. Therefore there was never a need for her to comment.

Okay yes, but if you get "blue balls" even after you get it, ejaculating doesn't fix it, its really complicated... but the issue hers not his... if she doesn't want to do it orally, then you should have told him vaginal oor none at all, and then there's your issue... solved... a man will take what he can get (don't take that offensively)

California in general is a pretty liberal place on the average. His mindset is not the prevailing one. Unless he grew up in a really repressive household it wasn't the environment that made him have that behavior

As far as me and my wife. I can honestly say the situation was never the same for us. I've never demanded it be a certain way and wife has never said go take care of yourself. And I have not gone to take care of myself after she didn't feel like doing one specific act the evening, there are three ways to get off with a woman without using hands, if one wasn't available at that moment the other two always were. As I said, marriage takes two people...you decide together which way you will do it, one doesn't demand the other do it their way if they are not in the mood to do it that way. As you told him you said no to oral but offered regular intercourse. He chose to go masturbate instead. I've never done that unless my wife was out of town. Therefore there was never a need for her to comment.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR ALL RESPONSE, APPRECIATE VERY MUCH!

He like to watch diffrence women's pornography with his hands. I know all about mental fantasy, feel like having sex with diffrence women, I guess. I know most men have this fantasy. But is it normal in general? Do you think this behavior is acceptable?

Every time I have agrument with him for the same topic. Last time he says, "All of the addiction, fantasy and perversion exists only in my mind. Your amateur psychological analysis is deconstructive." Is it my fault? Or I just need to open a little bit more?

Sounds to me like you feel he only wants you after he gets excited by porn. You don't feel it is YOU he wants but rather he has gotten all excited by something else and is using you to satisfy himself. Does that sound right? That doesn't feel like making love does it? I am willing to bet that you would be willing to perform oral on him if you felt more like it was him wanting you, to make love to you and that was just his preference to feel close to you. Right?

If that is true you do need to make sure he clearly understands what you are feeling. The you need to set clear boundaries with him. Tell him if he wants to look at porn that is his choice but that you will not allow him to come to you to be his little "porn star". Tell him you would prefer that he cut his porn viewing down to when you aren't around. Let him know that you just want to feel respected and that he is coming to you because it is you he wants to feel close to.

If he can't do that then I would really rethink your relationship. You aren't telling him no porn, you are simply asking to feel respected and wanted for you not the aftermath of watching something that has nothing to do with loving someone. If he isn't willing then that says just how selfish and self centered he is and maybe he isn't the person you should be with.

Basiclly, I agreed and correct what you say. We talked, I did what you said above. Only thing that he didn't keep promised that he watched porn again and come to me afterward. After I refused him, he get upset. He says, why I always think negative? And he says, All of the addiction, fantasy and perversion exists only in your mind. Your amateur psychological analysis is deconstructive. Am I really make a big deal of it?

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR ALL RESPONSE, APPRECIATE VERY MUCH!

He like to watch diffrence women's pornography with his hands. I know all about mental fantasy, feel like having sex with diffrence women, I guess. I know most men have this fantasy. But is it normal in general? Do you think this behavior is acceptable?

Everytime I have agrument with him for the same topic. Last time he says, "All of the addiction, fantasy and perversion exists only in my mind. Your amateur psychological analysis is deconstructive." Is it my fault? Or I just need to open a little bit more?

In my mind he is being quite selfish, and a bit immature. And I am a guy.

Now I do however see no problem with SOME porn. But like all things there are limits.

Would I like having sex with a lot of different women? I'd be lying if I said no. But the difference is its not a focal point for me, nor is it something I particularly intend to pursue.

Why? I know the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. Which for those who do not speak english as a first language. That American English idiom means I know that most likely the next woman is NOT likely to be better than the one I'm with, either personality wise or in bed. Therefore while I may say any particular woman might be great looking I know she most likely will not be better in bed or a more pleasant person to live with than the woman I married. I may have a share of differences with my wife as all couple will, but I also know I think we are a very good match in bed. Something many women likely will not be.

My fiancée want me to do oral sex for him. I don’t like it when I am available but he want oral sex rather than make love to me. So, I didn’t do it and went to sleep. He went to another room masturbation with the pornography. I feel he is so sick! I don’t want to talk to him and let him touch me at all. Did my reaction is normal? Should I have open mind for that? Is it acceptable he do masturbate with the pornography even when I am available? :confused:
Well men are totally sex crazy and love wild girls. You see this is why they are all addicted to porn. Losers hu? The only answer I have for you are these: 1. get hammmared then kiss his I, you'll be out of your mind. 2. leave him if you are sure you can never put yourself though this. Or to get back at him have sex with another man

well men are totally sex crazy and love wild girls. you see this is why they are all addicted to porn. losers hu? the only answer i have for you are these: 1. get hammmared then kiss his i, youll be out of your mind. 2. leave him if you are sure you can never put yourself though this. or to get back at him have sex with another man

DO NOT do that... Terrible!

1. this is a teenager who has no clue what true love, and marriage is...

Or

2. This girl has been in so many relationships, she doesn't know what true love and marriage is...

well men are totally sex crazy and love wild girls. you see this is why they are all addicted to porn. losers hu? the only answer i have for you are these: 1. get hammmared then kiss his i, youll be out of your mind. 2. leave him if you are sure you can never put yourself though this. or to get back at him have sex with another man

You advise might not be fit me. But thank you for your comments anyway!

DO NOT do that... Terrible!

1. this is a teenager who has no clue what true love, and marriage is...

or

2. This girl has been in soo many relationships, she doesn't know what true love and marriage is...

Thank you for your concern. I do understand what ths ideas come from. Men do like what they want with inconsiderate others. And porn do ruined my relationship a lot! If I say, I do like porn as my fiancée. Then, I wouldn't see porn is negative in life for me. Then, the problems will be solved!

I don't know but if this is a problem now wait till you get married. The two of you need to talk this out and come up with a compromise that you can both live with or your marriage will be doomed before it ever gets started.

In my mind he is being quite selfish, and a bit immature. And I am a guy.

Now I do however see no problem with SOME porn. But like all things there are limits.

Would I like having sex with a lot of different women? I'd be lying if I said no. But the difference is its not a focal point for me, nor is it something I particularly intend to pursue.

Why? I know the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. Which for those who do not speak english as a first language. That American English idiom means I know that most likely the next woman is NOT likely to be better than the one I'm with, either personality wise or in bed. Therefore while I may say any particular woman might be great looking I know she most likely will not be better in bed or a more pleasant person to live with than the woman I married. I may have a share of differences with my wife as all couple will, but I also know I think we are a very good match in bed. Something many women likely will not be.

I do feel the same way, he do a bit engocentic and immature when come to this point.
This is his says to me, I miss the playfulness, the excitement, the adventure, and yes the fantasy (we have over 4 years relationship). He kind of telling me he like porn because he can't find his fantasy and good for enhance our relationship and build intimacy.

P.s I can see this is a admire for your better half! ;)

If he is immature about it, go to his level, and be immature about your problems... Try to speak to him on his level, maybe that will work... Or maybe come to a compromise, you have to loose a little to gain a little... I know that Fiancés or husbands watching porn can make a woman feel belittled, and make them a little self-conscious about their appearance, so tell him that and if he speaks immature to you, then be immature to him and if he gives you that intellect like, it's a load of bull... your foreign, but your human too and you should be able to speak to people about your problems...

If he is immature about it, go to his level, and be immature about your problems... Try to speak to him on his level, maybe that will work... Or maybe come to a compromise, you have to loose a little to gain a little... i know that Fiances or husbands watching porn can make a woman feel belittled, and make them a little self-conscious about their appearance, so tell him that and if he speaks immature to you, then be immature to him and if he gives you that intellect like, its a load of bull... your foreign, but your human too and you should be able to speak to people about your problems...

I tried to understand his point of view. But I just can't stand that if I know he just use me for release, or his fantasy. Like you said, I feel belittled, and with no respect. I asked him to cut porn down, but he's not willing to do that of because he think I just don't understand. He says, porn the adventure and fantasy. He needs that for enhance the relationship and build intimacy. And in generally prefer oral, over masturbate. Intercourse basiclly just for satify I need. Does he sounds selfish to you? Where is the make love for making love with the person you loved? Not using their body for satify yourself, and the fantasy! :o

Sounds like he may be wanting his fantasies to become a reality, you have to understand that a lot of porn these days is oral, thus him wanting oral sex... But the whole thing about him using you to fulfill his sexual fantasies, I do not know, I mean, making love and fulfilling fantasies are two whole different things, just tell him how you feel about giving oral sex, if he doesn't want to listen, make him listen... but there is virtually no way to keep a man from looking at pornography, there are too many computers and magazines in the world today...

Sounds like he may be wanting his fantasies to become a reality, you have to understand that alot of porn these days is oral, thus him wanting oral sex... But the whole thing about him using you to fulfill his sexual fantasies, i do not know, i mean, making love and fulfilling fantasies are two whole different things, just tell him how you feel about giving oral sex, if he doesn't want to listen, make him listen... but there is virtually no way to keep a man from looking at pornography, there are too many computers and magazines in the world today...

Thank you for your reply again!

I think I just no way to make him understand my point of view as a woman. We talked a lot but never come up with solution until the problem happened again, we have the same agrument again. These day is so hard to find a love in conservative way. The world is up side down with all the technology!

I guess I just need to be his little porn star, or other option - just out of his fantasy life!:o

You do not have to settle for that! There are plenty of men out there that do not think that way. This guy is self centered he is not loving you. Loving someone puts the other persons needs above your own. Hence... love is not selfish. He is absolutely selfish and this is only the beginning. If you stay with him I am sure it will show up in other areas as well. He is immature and does not know what love is. You deserve and can find much better! I know plenty of men who do not treat women that way, do not view sex that way and certainly do not need porn to "build intimacy". What a load of crap! He is trying to make it as though you are the one with the problem. It is called deflection. Don't buy into it. You went to him and asked him to compromise and he flat out told you no this is your problem deal with it and this is how I like it/want it. It seems clear that he only thinks of himself and doesn't care about your feelings at all. I really hope you move on to someone better. Sorry, that is just my opinion.

You do not have to settle for that! There are plenty of men out there that do not think that way. This guy is self centered he is not loving you. Loving someone puts the other persons needs above your own. Hence...love is not selfish. He is absolutely selfish and this is only the beginning. If you stay with him I am sure it will show up in other areas as well. He is immature and does not know what love is. You deserve and can find much better!! I know plenty of men who do not treat women that way, do not view sex that way and certainly do not need porn to "build intimacy". What a load of crap! He is trying to make it as though you are the one with the problem. It is called deflection. Don't buy into it. You went to him and asked him to compromise and he flat out told you no this is your problem deal with it and this is how I like it/want it. It seems clear that he only thinks of himself and doesn't care about your feelings at all. I really hope you move on to someone better. Sorry, that is just my opinion.

Actually, you're not the first person said that. For over 4 years relationship, I try to compormise anyway I can. But this is just over my boundaries...

His dad also like porn. But a bit better just on cable TV (not download it on computer daily). His mom says, everyone have their things, you can never find a perfect one. You can just do the best you can in the relationship (she doesn't like porn either).

Thank you for your reply. :o

Well I don't recommend to get married to him before you settle this issue... as sex one of the most important reasons of divorce and making partners cheating on each other... it's obveious that your partner is selfish and only cares for his satisfaction... well, tell him how you feel about it and ask him to change of himself... ask him why he does not feel satisfied with intercourse... if it did not work then do not continue this relationship because no matter what he is good in anything else and you can bare it for a while but it won't work for life time...

Ms. Redrose

Well I dont recommend to get married to him before you settle this issue...as sex one of the most important reasons of divorce and making partners cheating on eachother...it's obveious that your partner is selfish and only cares for his satisfaction ... well, tell him how you feel about it and ask him to change of himself...ask him why he does not feel satisfied with intercourse...if it did not work then do not continue this relationship because no matter what he is good in anything else and you can bare it for a while but it won't work for life time...

Ms. Redrose

I thougth about it too. One thing is always in my mind that one day he might find faults on me (like if I busy with the kinds, pay lack of attention on him, etc.) and have a fair because he like fantasy, the excitement and the adventure from porn so much now...

I can see why he is not into intercourse that much. After 4 years relationship, he might just feel same all thing and can't feel excitement and the adventure in intercourse as much as the time we met. He needs some spices! So the porn idea kind of giving him sense of adventure, fantasy and excitement in sex. So he can keep go on intercourse in me. And I do noticed he doesn't feel like have sex as much as usual when he was busy at work. Because he doesn't have time for porn. The desire was drop. He also think porn is health, it can avoid in our rather conservative sex life. But sounds like to me no porn, no sex!

Marriage is not perfect, there will be arguments... its complicated..