My boyfriend and I love each other very much, but we fight fight fight. Sometimes our fights get violent (because of me) and we're not even 17... Our problem is that we are so in love.. or so in HATE! We live together not temporarily... and.. I don't know what to do anymore. We've been together for a year and 3 months and I've tried dumping him because we fight so much.. but.. I cannot be without him for more than 5 minutes. He's such a nice and respectful guy but really in control of MY money. He's my first relationship that lasted more than 3 weeks... Before him, I never even believed in love.. I thought it was just BS. So is it love? Is it worth it? Or should I try finding someone new? :(

Wow, I have counted SOOOO many red flags in this post already!! This is not love, it is abuse.


My boyfriend and I love each other very much, but we fight fight fight This is NOT love.


Sometimes our fights get violent This is abuse.


Our problem is that we are so in love.. or so in HATE!

Come on now, which one is it? You can't be in love AND in hate.


He's such a nice and respectful guy but really in control of MY money

That is a major contradiction in terms. He can't respect you if he controls you.

Girl, this is an abusive relationship and is sure to get worse if you stay in it.

Wow you guys answer fast! No but when I said our fights get violent... but because of me... I mean.. ME gets violent but he just deals with it. And he IS really lovable and amazing... but when it comes to it... hes just spoiled brat and wants what I work for. Shouldn't that be worth giving him a chance to work on?

Then you are the one who is abusive and he should leave you. Sorry, but sometimes the truth hurts. Abuse is abuse, doesn't matter who does it, it's illegal.

More red flags. He's a spoiled brat, wants what YOU work for and you abuse him.

This is NOT a healthy relationship by any means.

Me and my boyfriend were always fighting. After we weren't aloud to see each other for a few months we realized what it was like without each other and now we never fight. He's also a real respecful guy and he's tried breaking up with me but I NEVER gave up. Even if I wanted to give up and were still together. So if you love him a lot and think that things can work out. Try your best on everything. Don't give up. Maybe try a little break in which you both are togther but don't talk as much. There were times with my boyfriend when it was like why are we together ? All we do is fight. There's no love. But after the break things got so much better and we no longer fight everyday. It's been about 3 or 4 months since any of that's happened

I don't know if he lies.

In those pictures, you 2 look like you would make a good couple. Have you tried to work things out?

Thanks.. hey you are the same person who was talking to me about my poor little baby kitten :(.. but yea we try to break up.. but every time we break up.. within minutes we end up just wanting each other more. And NO no one is abusing anyone! :mad: Me and him both know that my slaps don't hurt :o... lol... and yes it is a problem that he tries to take over my money... but if couples listened to your advice... no one would ever get married! :p

thanks..hey you are the same person who was talking to me about my poor little baby kitten :(.. but yea we try to break up..but every time we break up ..within minutes we end up just wanting eachother more. and NO no one is abusing anyone!!:mad: Me and him both know that my slaps dont hurt :o ...lol... and yes it is a problem that he tries to take over my money... but if couples listened to your advice...no one would ever get married! :p
This is an insane an volatile relationship. You a 17 year old girl ,he 15. You slap him, he controls your money. How are you on your own living together?
Girl if couples have a dating relationship like that they'd be fools to get married. And why are you slapping him at all? You both need some serious help.

That's how me and my boyfriend are. Only he's the one always wanting to break up. And even if I'm okay with it which usually I'm not, he'll call the next day and say "so im glad to see your taking the break up well" but really he's just trying to find a way to talk to me again and we never really break up.

This is an insane an volatile relationship. You a 17 year old girl ,he 15. You slap him, he controls your money. How are you on your own living together?
Girl if couples have a dating relationship like that they'd be fools to get married. And why are you slapping him at all? you both need some serious help.


I understand your comment.. but I'm 16 and he's 15. We don't live on our own... he lives with me and my family because his parents split up recently and his family is breaking apart. He only controls the $4.00 in tips I make every day at work because I haven't even been paid yet. He doesn't have a job yet because he had to quit the one he WAS at because he had to move away into my town and my home. I slap him because he deserves it, and we both know why we do the things we do, and we understand where we are coming from,. its just a matter of handling it so young. Like living with my boyfriend at 16 is not that good of an idea but he has no where else to go.
Lol sheesh I guess I shouldn't ask questions unless I get my story completely aline.

Honestly I think you should stay with him. Unless things get too bad. But my boyfriend and I have been through several fights and things can get better.just try to work things out and whatevers causing you to fight try to stop it

I understand your comment.. but im 16 and hes 15. we dont live on our own... he lives with me and my family because his parents split up recently and his family is breaking apart. He only controls the $4.00 in tips i make every day at work because i havnt even been paid yet. He doesnt have a job yet because he had to quit the one he WAS at because he had to move away into my town and my home. I slap him because he deserves it, and we both know why we do the things we do, and we understand where we are comming from,....its just a matter of handling it so young. Like living with my boyfriend at 16 is not that good of an idea but he has no where else to go.
Lol sheesh i guess i shouldnt ask questions unless i get my story completely aline.
Gilr slapping someone is abuse. It dosen't matter why you do it. You are an abuser and there is something wrong with him for allowing it. And why are your parents allowing your boyfriend to live with you two?
This whole situation is insane.

Wow this is a strange relationship
Girl take my advice, I am 23 I have a couple of years on you and I have been in some really bad relationships
If it is bad now think about 5 years down the road when you 2 really get used to slapping each other around, Don't get pregnant whatever you do
You think he controls your money now? Think about if you are out of work pregnant and he is the only one raking in any dough, you think he controls the money now? Wait until he is actually the one having to take care of you (by the way if he is 15, I don't see him growing up anytime soon)
Good luck but you need to be a kid, you both need to quit trying to be so grown because when you do get older you are going to regret not living your teenage years to the fullest.

So, you think slapping is okay? Most law enforcement people don't agree with that. It is a crime called Domestic Violence, yes, even a little slap can land you behind bars.

You two love the drama but abuse cannot make a relationship work and you should not be together. You both need counseling.

I slap him because he deserves it,

At 16 you think "slapping" him is cute to get your way. It's NOT, it's abuse. Putting your hands on another person in anger or frustration is abuse, plain and simple. Hun, if you think anyone deserves to get "slapped" you need some counseling in anger management. Does your mother slap your father? Does your father slap your mother?

NO ONE DESERVES TO GET SLAPPED!!


He only controls the $4.00 in tips i make every day at work

You ONLY make $4 a day in tips? Not the best job in the world is it? He controls that money because you let him.

This is very obviously an abusive relationship. Be careful, it WILL escillate, you may even be facing some jail time if you don't keep your hands to yourself.

It pretty much sounds like to me that this post is her way of justifying the slapping

Dysfuntional people who need help is the way I see this whole thing.

You seem like you don't really want to hear the truth you want to here what you want to hear.
You are young you should not be so serious any way, how will you know if he is the one if you don't date and have other boyfriends first? You should not let him have anything to do with your money you are not married. What do your parents say?

Okay I REALLY DO understand what you guys are saying but I don't think you are understanding my situation and seeing things in all negativity. In almost everything there is positive and negative. When I ask for advice I don't want all negative thoughts.. or else I wouldn't bother asking... when someone is making a decision, they're supposed to look at the situation from all directions.. and THEN determine your choice. It seems to me like you guys are really nice and trying to help but... please just look at it from more than one view :).. . Okay I have a few things to correct you guys on... Homegirl50, yes slapping is abuse that's a no brainer but... I don't understand how you can believe that in order to be in love, there is never going to be anger. People slap people... not to hurt someone but to just let the person know that what they did, deserved a slap. Lol I don't know if that made sense... and my parents are allowing him to stay with me because there's no good reason why he shouldn't... he has no where else to go. Berrysweetncgurl, I do see what you're saying and you are right... but.. honostly slapping is defenitly not a problem in either of our minds lol.. its just a wake up call really. I slap him and he gets pissed but then he thinks and apologizes to me and lets me know that he took time to think that what he was doing was not good. And once he grows older he will have a job that makes money and the money situation will be over because he will have his money and I will have mine. I wouldn't need to take time off work because I don't plan on being pregnant anytime soon... and once I did decide to have a baby, we'd be grown enough to beable to support a family. We arnt trying to be adults , :) I wish I was but I haven't done anything to try to be an adult.. other than fall in love but that came on to me. And okay J_9 you need to take it down a notch hah. Like I said... me and my boyfriend both understand and agree with the fact that a non painful at all slap is just a wakeup call. Just like a cup of water being splashed in your face. Would you call the police because someone splashed water in your face. If my boyfriend was that much of a baby and called the police on me for a slap I would just laugh and be glad to leave him... I don't want to date a girly man Lol.. . and treeny... you're right I don't want to hear what you guys are saying but if you actually looked at things from my shoes and your shoes (which is how to give advice).. then I would consider a few opinions. I appreciate all your help but it just wasn't what I needed. Lol I do need counselling... but only for the money part. The slapping isn't even a concern:rolleyes:... And yes I have dated MANY MANY MANY other guys in my short time... believe me :eek:... but this is the guy that I keep insisting on giving a chance... isnt that for a reason? Love? He has to do with my money because we do everything together... but he decides to choose what we do together with my money.

If you guys think I'm being a brat or a snob Im really not trying to be lol I really do appreciate your opinions :D! Its not like I came here expecting everyone to be positive... because these days... no one is positive... ALWAYS negative... which is the case I am seeing here.:)

You are so totally wrong. The so called love you feel is built on what?? Your wake up calls are what?? Come on, Abuse and dependency cannot produce a healthy relationship. Niether of you is healthy but you love each other (or think you do) because you are under the same roof and that in itself is totally unhealthy. Wake up and see what you actually are doing, justifying abuse to meet your needs and go along with your own way of thinking. That makes it okay huh>?? You will learn the hard way when you give him a wake up slap and he cold cocks you and busts your jaw. You don't have love dear, you have a very dysfunctional view of life and should get some help for you and your boyfriend. Sorry, but it will get much worse.

Tal, I can't add any more to what you said. It is quite apparent she is immature. She does not understand that you don't lay a hand on another person out of anger whether it is a slap or a punch, it is called domestic violence and can land her in jail.

I unsubscribe from this thread since it is apparent she does not want the advice we are giving. She is going to do whatever she wants to do no matter what we say.

The others have said it all. This is a dysfunctional, abusive relationship and no amount of rationalizing is going to make it OK. You both need some serious counseling to confront whatever issues you two have acquired to make you believe that this sort of thing is normal or OK.