Im 24 y/o and my girlfriend of a year just broke up with me saying she needs time to be alone. She has known me all her life and told me she has always had a crush on me. We've know each other since kids from birthday parties and stuff. 4 years ago we saw each other at a wedding for the first time in years and we both immediately felt a connection. We began talking and going out occasionally and things were going well until she felt like getting serious and become official. I was only 6 or 7 months out of another relationship were that girl had cheated on me. So I really wasn't looking for another relationship. I slowly began drifting away calling once or twice a week and then we just stopped completely. I continued going out with my friends and having fun. Not necessarily hooking up with anyone but just having fun. She rebounded on some guy and they were together for about a year plus, but she ended it with him because he was too possesive telling her how to dress and being jelous and stuff, one day they had an argument and he kicked her out of his car and she left him for good. I had not even thought about her fopr a while until one day I decided to call her. She was surprised and happy to hear from me. We had actually been talking a bit before she and her boyfriend broke up. I would ask her to hang out but said she couldn't because she had a boyfriend. I thought that was amazing. Aside from being in a diminishing relationship she did not agree to go out with me because she hhad a boyfriend. As soon as they broke up we began dating again and it was soooo perfect. I had been single for 2 years now and was ready to be in a relationship again. 2 months later we became official. Since we had known each other for so long it felt so right to be together. She was a virgin as well. She wanted to remain that way till marriage. We talked about it and she finally decided that I was the one she wanted to lose her virginity to. I was flattered to have the opportunity. So I became her first. We were together for 6 months with no problems or fights ever. Then we began to have little disagreements here and there but nothing serious. We were picture perfect till the 9th month. Certain number of events led to us having a HUGE fight where I cussed at her and accused her of cheating on me because she was acting weird.. (like my last chick). She was hurt that I said that and we broke up. I should have just given her space there but I didn't. I made the mistake of trying to be friends. And we did. Slowly we began going out again, coming over each others houses, and having sex. We were back together just without the title. And its been amazing since then. I opened up to her since she felt like she was the only one putting into the relationship. I told her it was because I had been hurt before and I was protecting myself from being hurt again so I had built a bit of a wall around me. I brought that wall down because I knew she was worth it and I knew I didn't want to lose her. Another reason for the break up was that she said I had anger problem. Says I yell and scream when I am mad and is afraid of how I would get in the future. I realized it and corrected it. We had not fought since then. Last week we spent and amazing night by the beach. I bought her a lot of stuff and dinner and we walked around and kissed and hugged and had a great time. She wrote me a letter saying how happy she was with how much closer we had gotten lately and realized she does need me in her life and does love me and wanted to be with me. She was just waiting to do something special for me. She just hoped that all the changes I had made would not disappear once we had gotten together again. The very next day after the beach we go to her friends party. She had not seen her friends for like 2 months. We get there and she basically forgets about me. About an hour later I leave to go to the store and she finds out and is mad because I didn't tell her I was going. I told her it was because she had not even paid attention to me for the past hour. We started to argue and finally she decided to leave the party and go home. Silence all the way. When I drop her I decide to try and talk about it. I explained that I didn't want her to be next to me the whole time it just would have been nice if she would have checked on me from time to time like I do when I take her with MY friends. She got mopre upset and walked out of my car saying f#$% you! I peeled out and left. She ran in the house telling her parents "see, he's never gonna change!" of course they baby her since she is the youngest and only daughter. An yway in closing, 3 days later after I apologized to her repeatedly she told me that she just does not want to deal with guy drama. That she was confused and felt like she was not ready for all this and just wanted to be alone and go to school and hang out with her friends. Now it took me a bit of work to get intimate with her so I know that she will not be out there sleeping around which makes me feel a bit better. Only reason she gave it up to me sha says is because she thought that was the only way to keep me and because she thought I was the one she was going to marry. So I KNOW she loves me and care about me, so why break it off? She erased all our pix from her my space, took me off the top friends, and wrote " it is the beginning of a new chapter in my life" as her headline. How do you do a 180 like that? I'm confused, hurt, angry, sad, and hopeful all at the same time. Most of my friends say she will call in due time. But I don't. She is pretty strong willed but who knows. I'm not going to call or do anything. Its all on her now. Im open to any opinion and/or advice... sorry I wrote so much.

Wow, you must feel very strongly about this girl and w/e it is you have with her to take the time and write this, let alone think about it. But it seems you guys care for each other but are somehow unsure of certain things in your "relationship". It sounds like you guys have something but are not quite sure what to make of it, if that makes sense. Maybe time is what you guys need from each other to sort things out, try not to rush it. Maybe try to be friends for a while and not be boyfriend an girlfriend every time your together,even though I'm sure that's hard. Do you feel as though the only reason you two occasionally get back together is because of the sex, or do you really feel like "damn, maybe this is the girl for me"? u know. Obviously in life couples fight for the stupidest things, that's just only natural, but is it constant fights like "I love you, but damn I can't take it anymore, like fed up and never when try again or just angry at the time and regret the fights? It sounds as though you guys might truly love each other and you will wind up together, if not things happen for a reason and I'm sure you will find someone.

Good luck, and I hope I was some sort of help.
Stephanie

DO NOT CONTACT HER!! She still loves you

Her saying A new chapter in her life well she istrying to move on.. very similar to my ex the are very strong willed and have aloy of morls and beliefs she will now believe things like when she is ready she will meet someone else and she is attempting to move on!! Any contact made by youat this stage will only have a negaitive effect and push her further away.

SHE needs time on her own and only this will let her feel the void which syou will leave in her life and is your only hope of making her realise you wre the one...

So you must act like its over delete everything of hers and never call and don't be a wimp and answer her calls!!

She's done for now uintil she comes chasing you back your done with her mate!!

mckenzie134, after all I've read on this site it seems like that is the best idea. I will definitely not call. I've been good so far. Not a text, email, call, letter, NOTHING. Reading this site has helped a lot and I appreciate your input! We'll see what happens...

wow, you must feel very strongly about this girl and w/e it is you have with her to take the time and write this, let alone think about it. But it seems you guys care for each other but are somehow unsure of certain things in your "relationship". it sounds like you guys have something but are not quite sure what to make of it, if that makes sense. maybe time is what you guys need from each other to sort things out, try not to rush it. maybe try to be friends for a while and not be bf an gf everytime your together,even though I'm sure thats hard. do you feel as though the only reason you two occasionally get back together is because of the sex, or do you really feel like "damn, maybe this is the girl for me"?, u know. obviously in life couples fight for the stupidest things, thats just only natural, but is it constant fights like "I love you, but damn I can't take it anymore, like fed up and never when try again or just angry at the time and regret the fights? It sounds as though you guys might truly love each other and you will wind up together, if not things happen for a reason and I'm sure you will find someone.

Good luck, and I hope I was some sort of help.
Stephanie


Thanks Stephanie! To answer your question, I have never just been with her for sex. Sure it was GREAT, but that wasn't it. I even told her after thje first time we broke up that if she wanted to leave the sex out for a bit then I was OK with it because I wanted her to see that I'm with her because I love her as a whole, not just for the sex. Its just that she does not know how to communicate. Without that a relationship is NOTHING! Her way of fixing things is NOT dealing with them. She just avoids and says I don't want to talk about it. Another thing is her parents baby her tooo much. Any little problemshe faces she will run to the parents and they rub her head and tell her things are going to be OK instead of telling her she needs to confront and deal with problems. Better to learn that slowly while young than learn it hard and fast when older I say. I told her every relationship has problems. The difference is how you deal with them, and she'd rather hold it in than talk about it and hold a grudge. Look, she is a very smart girl. As far as school, family, and friends she has her head on straight. But in the relationship she feels like she is always right, its always her way, sorry's don't fix the problem, and basically I feel like she is looking for a guy to treat her like daddy does. Well good luck with that! Hopefully she will learn and realize what she is doing and come back because I really feel like she's the one and I know she does too but she's prob scared and confused... we'll just have to wait and see I guess. But thank you for your input I really appreciate it! So how are you.. LOL!

Just reminding you DO NOT ANSWER... Do not think cause she is calling you she wants you back!! As hard as it will be do not answer for at least 1 week let her know you do not stand for this treatment.

One thing you cannot believe which you will is if I don't answer maybe she will move on or crack the sooks and this is what she will tell you... And you will probably believe it. Once you avoid her calls she will tell you things like well how can we be expected to work it out if we don't talk!! Wrong she wanted space and cause you give her that space she now WANTS to talkk!! Then you talk and she feels better you feel craper and she is OK!!

SO don't do it too yourself at least a week of no answering!!

SHOW HER YOUR IN CHARGE YOU Don't NEED THESE GAMES!! Then answer and tell her yourve been busy she wanted the break and your fine with that niow...

How old is this girl?
I say leave her alone. This something she has to deal with on her own. She will either discover you are not the one for her o she will come back.

Why would you want someone back who wants a break anyway?? Idf they need a break they are not into you...

How old is this girl?
I say leave her alone. This something she has to deal with on her own. She will either discover you are not the one for her o she will come back.

She is 20. Turns 21 next may. I know she is young and needs to go through some experiences to see my point of view don't you think..

Why would you want someone back who wants a break anyway???? Idf they need a break they are not into you...


I see your point, but the fact is that I still love her and I know she does too but is too young to understand the fact that you can't al,ways run from problems but instead learn to talk about them, resolve them, and learn from them and move on.

Yes she is young and she wants to live and experience things. I think you are wanting to mold her and make her someone you think she should be. She needs to grow up on her own and be happy being her. I think you should just leave her alone. She may have discovered that you are not the person for her, or the one she wants to be with. She may not want to be tied to one person at this time in her life.
Leave her be.

Is she serious?

My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago. But I insisted on not giving up so I kept talking to her and we agreed to keep things at a friends level at least since that's the way we started in the first place. She agreed. We continued talking and eventually hanging out again but she felt different. We still said I love you but she didn't call me baby, or my love, or any of the little names she normally would. In time she did. But the affection wasn't there like usual. I would be the one to initiate a kiss or a hug or even sex. She did ONCE! I felt like I was giving it my 100% and she was at 90%. Last week we had an argument that got pretty heated and she got upset and decided we should not continue anymore. I tried again to talk sense into her but got nowhere. She said she was tired of guy drama and just wants to be alone. I told her that running does not fix problems, but she wasn't hearing it. She said she was confused and "not ready for all this" and just wants to be alone for now. NOw here is the thing, she has liked me since we were kids. What we had was completely different (in a good way) than any relationship we'd ever had. Never really fought, always had a great time. We talked about our future and kids and stuff like that. Both of our families completely love and approve our relationship. We have a connection and love with each other like we have never had with ANYONE ELSE EVER! While we were broken up she told me that she had seen a lot of changes in me for the good and hoped I would not go back to the old me when we got back together. That she realized how much she really loves me and wants to be with me and apologized for the hard time she had given me the last month and does not want to fight anymore but just be happy. So things were GREAT till last weeks fight. Then she decided to give up for some reason and say she just wants to be alone and not deal with any guy drama.

My question for you ladies (or guys) is, can she really go from a love for me so great that she would give me her virginity and talking about future and kids and good times and kissing and hugging and ALL those childhood feelings to saying I just want to be alone? Is she just making that decision because she is upset right now and does not like to deal with problems or is she really trying to move on? Her my space is now at single, removed me from top friends, erased our pix, and her headline says "it is the beginning of a new chapter in my life". Is she just doing that because she know id look at it? Is all this just out of anger? ANYONE out there that has gone through a similar situation? Please let me know... by the way she turned 20 in May.

I know how you feel, the thing is... you got to give her space man. I know you're all jumbled up inside, but my girlfriend and I are both 19, and burning the candle from both ends with school and work is hard enough as is. You want her to know you care about her without being the main presence in her life. (good advice from someone posting on my thread) she's 19 and doesn't know what she wants in life, and why should she? Talking about kids and the future is cool and all... but it's a scary thing. Don't speak about the future or wanting to get married.

Give her space, let her miss you, and cut contact for a while. Do whatever you got to do to better yourself in the meantime, the more she sees you as being successful, the more attractive you're going to be and the happier she will be if she is with you. If she doesn't come back, then it wasn't meant to be and you will feel better off later... trust me.

Go out and date if you want to, just don't mope around feeling sorry for yourself, you didn't do anything wrong. Someone else told me that a relationship is like a rowboat, what happens when only one person row's? You spin around in circles and get tired and frustrated. When both people row, you go smoothly to where you want to be. You got to figure out who's rowing.

Don't worry about this myspace crap either. It's taken WAY too seriously. So what if you're not in her top friends? So what if she writes single... technically you are right now, change your page to single, add your closest friends to the top (I actually hid my list... I hate how people get all pissy about not being there... so no one is a top friend lol)

You're both young, go have fun. In the end everything will turn out great, if she is still contacting you, ignore her a bit. If she shoots you a text or something, wait like a half hour and just say hey or something and that you have some business to attend to. Don't say I love you, and don't say you miss her... as much as you want to.

She asked for space, so give her it.

Also, don't feel like it's your fault... you have no reason to go to her and try to reason with her. You did your work in the relationship and friendship and have nothing to prove to her. Let the relationship do it's work.

Hope it helps,

Kevin

Many girls... guys too, but people in general after high school tend to drop the person they have dated because they need to explore what else is out there. She may come back or she may not but from the history it sounds like you have, she will always be a part of your life. I would respect her wishes and let her do her thing. I remember when I was 19 (I'm 28 now) I was dating this guy for a year and then started college and meeting new people and we went from a monogamous relationship to a casual one because I did not want to miss out on whatever else is out there.
Although its hard, try not to look at her myspace, take her off your top friends so you cannot see when she is online and be tempted to look at her profile. Don't erase her from your life, but be there as much as she wants you to be. Don't sit around and wait for her either though. Go see what else is there for you too. There is a very big world out there.

LOL, I'm doing great, Thank you for asking, hope you are doing well. Well now that you say that, I don't think she's trying hard enough. I mean no offense in all, but I agree with you 100% that communication along with trust is everything in a relationship. I know you love her and all but if she is not going to try and resolve you guys problems with you and just act childish and talk to her parents when she should be talking to you about your problems, well then maybe you should try to find someone who will take the time to try to make it work with you. From what I have read so far you seem like a really good,nice guy who is giving someone love who is not trying to give it back. You seem more devoted to you guys then she does. As I'm sure you know it takes TWO to make it work, I hope something works out for you. You seem to be a smart enough guy to know what to do in the end.
Steph

LOL, I'm doing great, Thank you for asking, hope you are doing well. Well now that you say that, I don't think she's trying hard enough. I mean no offense in all, but I agree with you 100% that communication along with trust is everything in a relationship. I know you love her and all but if she is not going to try and resolve you guys problems with you and just act childish and talk to her parents when she should be talking to you about your problems, well then maybe you should try to find someone who will take the time to try to make it work with you. From what I have read so far you seem like a really good,nice guy who is giving someone love who is not trying to give it back. You seem more devoted to you guys then she does. As I'm sure you know it takes TWO to make it work, I hope something works out for you. You seem to be a smart enough guy to know what to do in the end.
Steph

Very encouriging words Steph. My name is Ron by the way... lol. You are absolutely right. At first she is the one who felt like she was thwe only one putting in, now IM the one who feels that way. I've always been a caring, loving person and I've never quit anything g in my life, including relationships. I'm still a bit sad but feeling better everyday. This vacation I'm on now has helped a lot. All my friends and even HERS, know what type of guyt I am so she'll realize it later but its going to be btoo late because I'll be long gone. My last ex actually came up to me about 4 months ago and said these words, "you were right. im sorry. Im paying for my decision now." She had a 7 year old boy when we began dating. She left me for some other guy, he got her pregnant, and now he left her. So she's got TWO kids, oh and she is only 24. Single mom on top of that. So I hope it don't take something as drastic for this opne to snap out of it but something will and she'll remember my words. Anyway, enough about that. Im from L.A. where are you from?

That girl is only 20 years old. She does not want to be tied down and you want her to grow up and be what you think she should be. You sound very controlling and maybe she does not want to be controlled she has probably realized that on her own, so her decision to leave you was a mature one. Leave her alone and let her grow up.
You may very well be a nice guy, but you may not be the guy for her.

I think you should give her what she ask for, and leave her alone to do her thing, and you should move on, as its such a waste to wait on a maybe that might not come.

Holy cow... I am only 15 but here I go. Hear me out I understand her feelings. I am still in love with one of my friends ex's for 4 and a half years now. But I would never kiss him even if he tried. See I think running away for some people means a clean slate I honestly think that you two having "intercourse" before marriage is a big mistake. Nobody should. But I think she might be serious. If she's playing a game then o well

I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like there's another guy involved. Either way, when a girl starts to pull away, you need to respond in kind. Start doing things with other people and building a life without her. In time she may miss you and begin chasing you or she may not. Either way, you've got to look after yourself first and do what's right for you.

She may be being practical. So, it's not like it's gone. Just in a place she's more comfortable with it. You cannot win by making her feel some way right now.

She may still care for you but sense her next stage of life may not include you...
I hate to say it, but honor her instincts and make one clear statement of your commitment - and back up.

Well it's nice to "meet" you Ron, hopefully you're enjoying your vacation. But that's what happens when you don't take the time to see what you already have and then lose it to try to find something else, mostly it's something you don't want. But I personally believe in Karma, and Fate. So for me I think if your meant to be then your meant to be. But if not then Good luck with that. I'm sure you'll eventually find someone, or maybe she will come into her senses and realize what you guys have. To me, everyone has a soulmate or someone special out there, you just have to find them or hopefully they will find you.
Steph

Oh yea, and thank you Talaniman.

Just to give you guys an update... Yesterday I went to my ex girlfriend house because I had to pick up a package her mom was sending to my aunt in Chicago. We have had no contact for about 2 weeks. When I walked in her whole family said hello to me and were glad to see me. She came out and gave me a hug and we sat down in the living room couch and just talked for an hour! Not about us, but just regular conversation about my vacation, and her classes, etc... we talked as if nothing was wrong and it felt great! This past Saturday her mom told her shen needed to call me to see when I was coming by for the package and she told her mom, "let ME call him", she insisted and finally did. She called me from her moms phone though, when I answered she kind of paused for a second and just said," uh, yeah we've been calling you to find out when you were gonna come by for the stuff.." I said MOnday around noon and that was that. Her mom later told me how she had insisted on calling me and that she missed me but just needed a little more time to let things settle and that she wants to be able to talk to me... so we hung out for an hour then I got up to leave and as I walked out she looked at me with a smile and said, "text me whenever"... I said "no, you!" lol... we went back and forth and then I said, "you text me or something, I'm giving you your space... she nodded in agreement and I left. I left feeling really good. At least I know she is missing me and WANTS to talk to me but just needs a bit more time. So we'll see what happens... what do you guys think? Is this a good sign or what?

The question I have for you is, why did you guys break-up or take a break? I saw my ex this weekend too and I could tell she missed me but guess what, I'm never going back even though I know that I have made all the improvements she would have wanted from me when we dated for 6 years. The reason why I will never return has to do more so with how she broke up with me than why she broke up with me. I mean, even the reason she gave me was all bull especially since now when I look back. So my answer to you is this. Use you hindsight my friend and question why you guys broke up. I know its hard to let someone go after having had history with them but you need to put your emotions aside and think critically. I plan to go to law school next year and this is a skill that I know I seriously have to learn. Usually the answer is right in front of you if you can think logically and eliminate the bull. In this case, your emotion. If after you have done this you still want her, then go for it but pace yourself. Don't give her too much of yourself and remember that she comes second to everything in your life. Make her want to be with you rather than justing being with you.

Every one in the females family can love you to death, but it doesn't matter because, she is the one who must be convinnced that you are the one, not her mama. She has her family support all around, so of course, she is comfortable entertaining you. That's what friendzone is all about. But the question you need to answer for yourself, is she is she willing to working with you to solve your issues, and be able to move on, and make this so called relationship work? She has shown no inclination, other than to be nice around her family. Just my opinion, this is unnacceptable for any long term relationship. This is a red flag that tells me either you set the pace, or forget the nice games that go with being friends. You may be willing to wait on her confusion to clear, and she sees what she misses in you, but unless she is ready to take a chance with you, this is an exercise in futility, and you would be better served to pursue your own happiness.

Swordfish, I hate to rub salt in your wound pal... but she isn't coming back, she just wants to keep friendship with you until she meets someone else then she will drop you. Women are v selfish an you will understand where I'm coming from in 3/4 months down the line. You must go into NC asap... for yourself, the more quick you do, the more quick you will heal.

I wouldn't get your hopes up over this. Please don't let her mum tell you how she is feeling and what she needs. Her mum may be looking through the same rose coloured glasses as you are.

Stop focusing on her and what she is doing and go back to living your life. As hard as it may be the best thing you can do right now is forget about her.

Maybe she does really miss you maybe she doesn't. It doesn't make a difference to the situation you find yourself in, and that is that at the end of the day you guys aren't together. A break means you have broken up. Pretty simple. Holding your breath waiting for her to make up her mind is not something I would advise. Sadly these situations usually end in heartbreak.

Leave her be now and don't make excuses to see her. Why couldn't they send that package to you? Why couldn't her mother drop it to your house? Sounds like some elaborate plan hatched by her mother and or you to see her. Please don't look for reasons to see her. It just makes it harder.

Focus on you and be with your friends and family.

It could be. Continue to play it cool and do what you've been doing. You won't lose anything and may end up coming out ahead.

I agree with you both! Although it WAS good to see her and talk again, it doesn't make me feel any better about our situation. Her mom doesn't even understand her. Mom tells me she's been sad, pensive, and just "not herself" lately. Says she misses me but wants to just be alone and focus on school right now. She's been the one to end all 3 of her serious relationships in the past 3-4 years. She is happy when everything is good but decides to just run and break up as soon as it gets rocky. She is going to have to be in a relationship where the guy leaves her so she can feel what its like on this side of the fence then she'll realize and look back. So for now I've made peace with it all. I've got time for myself, began working out, eating healthy, and I've decided to finally join the US Coast Guard like I originally planned 2 years ago. So I'm feeling better now thanks to all your comments and advice and I thank you! I'm really glad I found this site and was able to get some insight from people going through the same thing as me!!

She is only 20. Who says she has to be in serious relationships and stay in them. Who says she has to be an a relationship at all. Her really serious relatioships don't need to start until after she is done with school.
She sounds like a young lady who does not want to be tied down. I see nothing wrong with that.

Life is too short to have so much drama. Do you want blow- ups all the time over trivial matters? You will be walking on eggshells. She seems very immature. Let her do some growing up.

IF she has had 3 or 4 serious relationships in the 3 or 4 years and ended them all then I would be very wary of her. Doesn't sound like she is the stable type does it? May be some underlying commitment issues. Who knows.

In any even my advice still stands. Stop focusing on her, and especially stop listening and talking to her mother. They mean well but often they are way off base with the comments. They tell you what you want to hear and you gladly listen. At the end of the day the mother really doesn't a clue what her daughter is feeling inside so take what she says with a grain of salt.

Focus on you for the time being and forget about her as tough as that will be.

Wonder what happen to sword fish maybe he got her back or maybe he just got healthand moved on...

Wonder what happen to sword fish maybe he got her back or maybe he just got healthand moved on...


Hey guys, I've been out of town on vacation. But to give you an update. Since we broke up she has contacted me a couple of times. First was on Sep 10th. She text me saying "hey how you doing" around 10 at night. I text her back about an hour later saying I was fine. We chit chatted for about 5 min and called it a night. The last contact from her was yesterday around 10am. She text me "hey whats up?" I said I I was just chillin. Then she told me, "i called you on Sat and you ignored my call twice", I said I had not received any calls and had been home all day. She said she had called me around midnight while she was driving home by herself from a birthday and just wanted to see how I was doing. I felt like saying, "how the hell do you think im doing!!!!!????" haha... Anyway, again text back and forth for a few minutes. Its just weird that she would text me saying that she had called me on Sat and I had ignored her call. I would have figured that would have pissed her off but instead she texts me 3 days later. It makes me mad because I hadn't heard from her in like 2 weeks and then pops up oput of nowhere! One side of me wants to just erase her from my heart and mind, while the other still holds on to a little bit of hope. Its getting a little bit easier but it still hurts once in a while. Especially when she magically appears from thin air to ask "how im doing" as if things were just fine and dandy!! What do you think..

Hey guys, I've been out of town on vacation. But to give you an update. Since we broke up she has contacted me a couple of times. First was on Sep 10th. She text me saying "hey how you doing" around 10 at night. I text her back about an hour later saying I was fine. We chit chatted for about 5 min and called it a night. The last contact from her was yesterday around 10am. She text me "hey whats up?" I said I I was just chillin. Then she told me, "i called you on Sat and you ignored my call twice", I said I had not received any calls and had been home all day. She said she had called me around midnight while she was driving home by herself from a birthday and just wanted to see how I was doing. I felt like saying, "how the hell do you think im doing!!!!!????" haha... Anyway, again text back and forth for a few minutes. Its just weird that she would text me saying that she had called me on Sat and I had ignored her call. I would have figured that would have pissed her off but instead she texts me 3 days later. It makes me mad because I hadn't heard from her in like 2 weeks and then pops up oput of nowhere! One side of me wants to just erase her from my heart and mind, while the other still holds on to a little bit of hope. Its getting a little bit easier but it still hurts once in a while. Especially when she magically appears from thin air to ask "how im doing" as if things were just fine and dandy!! What do you think..

I think she is checking to see how you are. Nothing more than that.
She is over and done with you, now you need to get over and be done with her.

Yeah, I think you should ignore her completely. Until she flat out says something about trying again, the lines of communication should be even thinner. Don't even reply to her texts.

You're doing a good job. Don't let her texts or behaviour prevent you from getting better without her. Seriously, let her keep chasing if that is really what she is doing. SHE LEFT YOU. Let her do more work to show how much she really cares.

--Cali

Hey guys, I just wanted to give you an update on my "situation". Quick recap: My girlfriend and I broke up back in June, continued talking and eventually ended up back to normal if not better than before. But, that all came to an end after getting into an argument at a party which she took me to where she just basically forgot she had taken me and just sat around a bunch of people I did not know. Anyway, we "broke up" again but this time she was like, "i just dont want anymore guy drama", and "i just feel like being alone". Of course, I did all I could to salvage what was left to no avail. But she insisted we keep things as friends. As most of you know, its too difficult to go from being in love in a relationship and then try and JUST be friends, but I love her so much that I gave it a shot. She would text me every once in a while just to say hi and see how I was doing. I never contacted her, she would always text me. Sometimes we would text for a few minutes, sometimes for a couple hours just about anything. That went on for about a month 1/2 or so. Finally one morning while driving to work I text her saying, "just wanted to say i love you and miss you so much. Dont even care if you write/say it back, i just wanted to tell you." She wrote back saying "You know i'll always love you no matter what". For some reason that just lit a fire under me. I responded by saying that I know she will and so will I but I was at a crossroads where I didn't know whether to let her go or hold on to that little bit of hope and that I wish she could help me make sense of all this. She responded by saying that we should both just move on but she did not want to lose me as a friend...

This is where I just made a complete 180. I told her that she can't ride both sides of the fence like that. You can't just cross that friendship line and then decide to go back. At least not at this time. I sure many of you out there have had that one significant other tell you "let's just be friends" Doenst always work out right? Well in my case, I knew I couldn't do it because I'm still in love with her. So I told her that now that I knew what she wanted then I could do what I had to do. She said to move on so that's exactly what I intend to do. I told her that in order for me to move on I would have to cut her completely out of my life meaning NO CONTACT whatsoever!! Because there is no way I'm going to ever get over her if I'm sitting here trying to be her friend while still being in love with her. I asked her if she wanted to be friends to leave the door open for a possible opportunity to get back together in the future, or if that was just not even an option. All I needed to hear was a maybe or, we'll see what happens or, something along that line that let me know that the door was still open for something to possibly happen again. But instead her answer was to move on. So that's what I intend to do. She responded by saying that if she was as important to me as I said she was then it wouldn't be so easy to stop talking to her completely. So obviosly I struck a nerve somewhere for her to say that. I told her that this was NOT easy. Im letting the person I love the most go. That's not something you just brush off. It hurt me to have to do it but you know what, I'm just taking care of me just like she is taking care of her. She got mad and said we could have kept it cool but if that's what I wanted then fine, that she was not going to beg me for my friendship. She said " Have a great life, i wish you the best " and that was the last I heard from her. I told her one last thing. My decision wasn't made overnight, and it also wasn't permanent and that its not like I won't ever talk to her again, just till I feel like I've moved on or I'm with someone else. I told her that I'm sure we will meet again somewhere down the road after all we've been friends for 5 years and I'm not about to just forget her.

Here's the thing. I feel like I did the right thing because like I said I know I won't get over her by pretending to be friends, and she's made it clear that she wants to move on so that's what led me to my decision. It breaks my heart because I really don't know how we got here but I know its something I had to do because I just couldn't do it anymore. She would text me randomly sometimes and all that did was get me all excited and I would get my hopes up for nothing. Sometimes I would be doing fine after not hearing from her for about a week but then she would text me and I would get all sad thinking about how things USED to be. So I think by doing this I can finally get some closure and move on. Since then I've joined the gym, I bought myself a bike (Suzuki GSX-R 750 woo hoo!) and I got a couple new tattoos and just began going out with my friends a bit more and just having fun and I'm feeling great! I do still miss her once in a while but it gets a bit easier day by day, so to all you outnthere in the same situation just hang in there! Im not really that religious but I believe God will not give you more than you can handle so you'll be OK. Anyway, I'm open to any comments. Let me know what you think of my decision and if you've been in a similar one and what happened...

Hey guys, I just wanted to give you an update on my "situation". Quick recap: My girlfriend and I broke up back in June, continued talking and eventually ended up back to normal if not better than before. But, that all came to an end after getting into an argument at a party which she took me to where she just basically forgot she had taken me and just sat around a bunch of people I did not know. Anyway, we "broke up" again but this time she was like, "i just dont want anymore guy drama", and "i just feel like being alone". Of course, I did all I could to salvage what was left to no avail. But she insisted we keep things as friends. As most of you know, its too difficult to go from being in love in a relationship and then try and JUST be friends, but I love her so much that I gave it a shot. She would text me every once in a while just to say hi and see how I was doing. I never contacted her, she would always text me. Sometimes we would text for a few minutes, sometimes for a couple hours just about anything. That went on for about a month 1/2 or so. Finally one morning while driving to work I text her saying, "just wanted to say i love you and miss you so much. Dont even care if you write/say it back, i just wanted to tell you." She wrote back saying "You know i'll always love you no matter what". For some reason that just lit a fire under me. I responded by saying that I know she will and so will I but I was at a crossroads where I didn't know whether to let her go or hold on to that little bit of hope and that I wish she could help me make sense of all this. She responded by saying that we should both just move on but she did not want to lose me as a friend...

This is where I just made a complete 180. I told her that she can't ride both sides of the fence like that. You can't just cross that friendship line and then decide to go back. At least not at this time. I sure many of you out there have had that one significant other tell you "let's just be friends" Doenst always work out right? Well in my case, I knew I couldn't do it because I'm still in love with her. So I told her that now that I knew what she wanted then I could do what I had to do. She said to move on so that's exactly what I intend to do. I told her that in order for me to move on I would have to cut her completely out of my life meaning NO CONTACT whatsoever!! Because there is no way I'm going to ever get over her if I'm sitting here trying to be her friend while still being in love with her. I asked her if she wanted to be friends to leave the door open for a possible opportunity to get back together in the future, or if that was just not even an option. All I needed to hear was a maybe or, we'll see what happens or, something along that line that let me know that the door was still open for something to possibly happen again. But instead her answer was to move on. So that's what I intend to do. She responded by saying that if she was as important to me as I said she was then it wouldn't be so easy to stop talking to her completely. So obviosly I struck a nerve somewhere for her to say that. I told her that this was NOT easy. Im letting the person I love the most go. That's not something you just brush off. It hurt me to have to do it but you know what, I'm just taking care of me just like she is taking care of her. She got mad and said we could have kept it cool but if that's what I wanted then fine, that she was not going to beg me for my friendship. She said " Have a great life, i wish you the best " and that was the last I heard from her. I told her one last thing. My decision wasn't made overnight, and it also wasn't permanent and that its not like I won't ever talk to her again, just till I feel like I've moved on or I'm with someone else. I told her that I'm sure we will meet again somewhere down the road after all we've been friends for 5 years and I'm not about to just forget her. But I DO feel like I need this time of no contact in order to move on with my life.

Here's the thing. I feel like I did the right thing because like I said I know I won't get over her by pretending to be friends, and she's made it clear that she wants to move on so that's what led me to my decision. It breaks my heart because I really don't know how we got here but I know its something I had to do because I just couldn't do it anymore. She would text me randomly sometimes and all that did was get me all excited and I would get my hopes up for nothing. Sometimes I would be doing fine after not hearing from her for about a week but then she would text me and I would get all sad thinking about how things USED to be. So I think by doing this I can finally get some closure and move on. Since then I've joined the gym, I bought myself a bike (Suzuki GSX-R 750 woo hoo!) and I got a couple new tattoos and just began going out with my friends a bit more and just having fun and I'm feeling great! I do still miss her once in a while but it gets a bit easier day by day, so to all you outnthere in the same situation just hang in there! Im not really that religious but I believe God will not give you more than you can handle so you'll be OK. Anyway, I'm open to any comments. Let me know what you think of my decision and if you've been in a similar one and what happened...

Of course you did the right thing! Im very proud of you and I'm sure everyone else on here will agree! Start looking after number one... THATS YOU!! My opinion is that cutting contact is the only way you can get over things, and its very selfish of the other person if they can't understand that - so way to go you, give yourself a pat on the back! :)

Glad to hear you are doing well and getting into new things! Keep it going! I myself have also recently been dealing with a breakup NC for 2 months now. It is hard and I am trying to continue to do things to make me happy. I do get moody sometimes or wake up thinking about her but yes it is true it does get easier.

Thanks to both of you!! Im really happy to hear that you agree with me. And to think she told me that IM the immature one... LOL!! Truth is, she is only 20 and has not had this situation happen to her yet so she don't know any better. Im sure somewhere down the road some guy will break her heart but still want to stay friends and she is going to tell him to hit the road... But its something we all go through and learn on our own. Its just not her time yet. But thank you both and I'm having a good time having a good time.. HAHA!

Very well said. Your smart and your decision really makes that clear. Keep on going.

Your very welcome hun! Keep up the good work :)

I Have Done The Same Thing So Here's Some Advice She's Tired Of Just Being With One Guy And Wants To Experience Sumone Else Or She Is Confused And Doesn't Kno What She Wants. She Also Could Be Seeing Someone Else Or She's Just Frustrated Give Her Some Time :)

I Have Done The Same Thing So Heres Some Advice Shes Tired Of Just Being With One Guy And Wants To Experience Sumone Else Or She Is Confused And Doesnt Kno What She Wants. She Also Could Be Seeing Someone Else Or Shes Just Frustrated Give Her Some Time :)

Well, that pretty much covered what she might be up to... ;)

Hello everyone! I have not been on this site for about 8 months and a lot as happened. Last time I was on I told you my girlfriend and I had broken up because she said she didn't know what she wanted and needed time to be alone blah blah blah... Well, this past Nov. 27th I got into a very bad motorcycle accident. I was on my way to work and an 18 wheeler cut me off and I fell under the truck and it ran me over with the back tires. I suffered 11 broken ribs, lacerated liver and bladder, and it shattered my pelvis in 3 places. I was in the hospital for 4 1/2 months. Now I have 19 titanium pins in my pelvis and my right leg is shorter than my left but I can stand and walk on crutches and healing nicely...

Point of the story is that when I was in the hospital my ex came to see me. She was so freaked out when she saw me all torn up and bruised and medicated. She cried and hugged me and kissed me. Long story short she kept coming back to see me and sparks flew again and this time SHE was the one to ask me back out on Christmas Day. Things were back to normal and our relationship seemed to grow stronger. She visited me 3 to 4 times a week in the hospital. I could not walk for 3 months in order for my pelvis to heal so we always hung out in my room by my bed. Just having her back motivated me so much to recover sooner and get well. Anyway, I returned home in April and things were still great. We even started messing around again. Things were smooth up until her birthday late May and this is what happened...

She left to Vegas without inviting me. When in the hospital she kept saying how she hoped I would be better by her birthday so we can go to Vegas together... that she would push my wheelchair if necessary. But in the end didn't even get and invite. That bugged me. But whatever I let it go. Because if there is one thing I learned from my accident is that life is too short to be bickering and fighting over nonsense because you never know what might happen. I almost died that day in Nov. The tires missed my head only by inches. So I have a completely different look on life now and try to focus on what matters the most. We argued about it and she told me that she has been by my side for the past 5 months in the hospital and now wants some time for herself to do what she wants. It only got worse from there. Slowly she started distancing again going to parties and doing this and that and came to see me less. I had gotten so used to having her around that it began to bother me and its when the arguing started up again. In a way I understood her because she got promoted at work. She is going to school. And on top of that had to balance family, friends, and me. So it's a lot for a 21 year old. But all I asked for is at least one day a week so we could spend time together. This past Mon we were on the phone and for about a week its been awkward talking on the phone. Same boring conversation. Not like before. It was more like a routine phone call than a genuwine want to speak to each other. So I asked her, "why is it so weird on the phone now?" She said, I know its weird. Then she broke it down and gave me the same speech as the last time we broke up. "I dont know what i want to do" She says she has too much going on right now to be in a relationship and that it wasn't going to get easier. Said on one hand she loves me but on the other does not want to be in a relationship right now. That made me mad and I asked her why she came back in my life in the first place!? Was it because I was hurt and in the hospital and felt sorry? She said no, that she came back because she thought its what she wanted but now its too much and does not want to be in a relationship and just wants to be alone and do her thing since she just turned 21...

IDK what to do. Im 25 and I love this girl so much. OUr 2 year Ann was coming up in August. LAst year she dumped me 1 week before our 1 year Ann and now this? Im mad, sad, and everything else in between again. Its like Déjà vu. Broke up for the same reason again. Just hurts because we were doing so well and she helped me so much during my recovery and now I've lost her again. Im obviosly not working so I have a lot of free time to think and its what's killing me. Can't do much either because I'm still going to therapy and getting my legs stronger so its not like I can go out and do much. Im just at a loss for words. We've been NC for about 3 days and I'm dying already and just want her to come back. But not going to be like last time and text her. Im hoping I can go NC until she contacts me someday if she ever does...

What's going on.. Sorry I wrote so much.

Hello everyone! I have not been on this site for about 8 months and a lot as happened. Last time I was on I told you my girlfriend and I had broken up because she said she didn't know what she wanted and needed time to be alone blah blah blah... Well, this past Nov. 27th I got into a very bad motorcycle accident. I was on my way to work and an 18 wheeler cut me off and I fell under the truck and it ran me over with the back tires. I suffered 11 broken ribs, lacerated liver and bladder, and it shattered my pelvis in 3 places. I was in the hospital for 4 1/2 months. Now I have 19 titanium pins in my pelvis and my right leg is shorter than my left but I can stand and walk on crutches and healing nicely...

Point of the story is that when I was in the hospital my ex came to see me. She was so freaked out when she saw me all torn up and bruised and medicated. She cried and hugged me and kissed me. Long story short she kept coming back to see me and sparks flew again and this time SHE was the one to ask me back out on Christmas Day. Things were back to normal and our relationship seemed to grow stronger. She visited me 3 to 4 times a week in the hospital. I could not walk for 3 months in order for my pelvis to heal so we always hung out in my room by my bed. Just having her back motivated me so much to recover sooner and get well. Anyway, I returned home in April and things were still great. We even started messing around again. Things were smooth up until her birthday late May and this is what happened...

She left to Vegas without inviting me. When in the hospital she kept saying how she hoped I would be better by her birthday so we can go to Vegas together... that she would push my wheelchair if necessary. But in the end didn't even get and invite. That bugged me. But whatever I let it go. Because if there is one thing I learned from my accident is that life is too short to be bickering and fighting over nonsense because you never know what might happen. I almost died that day in Nov. The tires missed my head only by inches. So I have a completely different look on life now and try to focus on what matters the most. We argued about it and she told me that she has been by my side for the past 5 months in the hospital and now wants some time for herself to do what she wants. It only got worse from there. Slowly she started distancing again going to parties and doing this and that and came to see me less. I had gotten so used to having her around that it began to bother me and its when the arguing started up again. In a way I understood her because she got promoted at work. She is going to school. And on top of that had to balance family, friends, and me. So it's a lot for a 21 year old. But all I asked for is at least one day a week so we could spend time together. This past Mon we were on the phone and for about a week its been awkward talking on the phone. Same boring conversation. Not like before. It was more like a routine phone call than a genuwine want to speak to each other. So I asked her, "why is it so weird on the phone now?" She said, I know its weird. Then she broke it down and gave me the same speech as the last time we broke up. "I dont know what i want to do" She says she has too much going on right now to be in a relationship and that it wasn't going to get easier. Said on one hand she loves me but on the other does not want to be in a relationship right now. That made me mad and I asked her why she came back in my life in the first place!? Was it because I was hurt and in the hospital and felt sorry? She said no, that she came back because she thought its what she wanted but now its too much and does not want to be in a relationship and just wants to be alone and do her thing since she just turned 21...

IDK what to do. Im 25 and I love this girl so much. OUr 2 year Ann was coming up in August. LAst year she dumped me 1 week before our 1 year Ann and now this? Im mad, sad, and everything else in between again. Its like Déjà vu. Broke up for the same reason again. Just hurts because we were doing so well and she helped me so much during my recovery and now I've lost her again. Im obviosly not working so I have a lot of free time to think and its what's killing me. Can't do much either because I'm still going to therapy and getting my legs stronger so its not like I can go out and do much. Im just at a loss for words. We've been NC for about 3 days and I'm dying already and just want her to come back. But not going to be like last time and text her. Im hoping I can go NC until she contacts me someday if she ever does...

What's going on.. Sorry I wrote so much.

Hello everyone! I have not been on this site for about 8 months and a lot as happened. Last time I was on I told you my girlfriend and I had broken up because she said she didn't know what she wanted and needed time to be alone blah blah blah... Well, this past Nov. 27th I got into a very bad motorcycle accident. I was on my way to work and an 18 wheeler cut me off and I fell under the truck and it ran me over with the back tires. I suffered 11 broken ribs, lacerated liver and bladder, and it shattered my pelvis in 3 places. I was in the hospital for 4 1/2 months. Now I have 19 titanium pins in my pelvis and my right leg is shorter than my left but I can stand and walk on crutches and healing nicely...

Point of the story is that when I was in the hospital my ex came to see me. She was so freaked out when she saw me all torn up and bruised and medicated. She cried and hugged me and kissed me. Long story short she kept coming back to see me and sparks flew again and this time SHE was the one to ask me back out on Christmas Day. Things were back to normal and our relationship seemed to grow stronger. She visited me 3 to 4 times a week in the hospital. I could not walk for 3 months in order for my pelvis to heal so we always hung out in my room by my bed. Just having her back motivated me so much to recover sooner and get well. Anyway, I returned home in April and things were still great. We even started messing around again. Things were smooth up until her birthday late May and this is what happened...

She left to Vegas without inviting me. When in the hospital she kept saying how she hoped I would be better by her birthday so we can go to Vegas together... that she would push my wheelchair if necessary. But in the end didn't even get and invite. That bugged me. But whatever I let it go. Because if there is one thing I learned from my accident is that life is too short to be bickering and fighting over nonsense because you never know what might happen. I almost died that day in Nov. The tires missed my head only by inches. So I have a completely different look on life now and try to focus on what matters the most. We argued about it and she told me that she has been by my side for the past 5 months in the hospital and now wants some time for herself to do what she wants. It only got worse from there. Slowly she started distancing again going to parties and doing this and that and came to see me less. I had gotten so used to having her around that it began to bother me and its when the arguing started up again. In a way I understood her because she got promoted at work. She is going to school. And on top of that had to balance family, friends, and me. So it's a lot for a 21 year old. But all I asked for is at least one day a week so we could spend time together. This past Mon we were on the phone and for about a week its been awkward talking on the phone. Same boring conversation. Not like before. It was more like a routine phone call than a genuwine want to speak to each other. So I asked her, "why is it so weird on the phone now?" She said, I know its weird. Then she broke it down and gave me the same speech as the last time we broke up. "I dont know what i want to do" She says she has too much going on right now to be in a relationship and that it wasn't going to get easier. Said on one hand she loves me but on the other does not want to be in a relationship right now. That made me mad and I asked her why she came back in my life in the first place!? Was it because I was hurt and in the hospital and felt sorry? She said no, that she came back because she thought its what she wanted but now its too much and does not want to be in a relationship and just wants to be alone and do her thing since she just turned 21...

IDK what to do. Im 25 and I love this girl so much. OUr 2 year Ann was coming up in August. LAst year she dumped me 1 week before our 1 year Ann and now this? Im mad, sad, and everything else in between again. Its like Déjà vu. Broke up for the same reason again. Just hurts because we were doing so well and she helped me so much during my recovery and now I've lost her again. Im obviosly not working so I have a lot of free time to think and its what's killing me. Can't do much either because I'm still going to therapy and getting my legs stronger so its not like I can go out and do much. Im just at a loss for words. We've been NC for about 3 days and I'm dying already and just want her to come back. But not going to be like last time and text her. Im hoping I can go NC until she contacts me someday if she ever does...

She lwas with me while in the hospital but leaves me now that I'm doing better? What's going on.. Sorry I wrote so much.

Sorry guy but until you get off her rollercoaster you will be going through this up/down, off/on thing forever. Its you who needs to decide what you will do, and not what she will do because, she has a history of doing as she pleases.

You love her? So what? She's dumping you, so you're feelings are sort of irrelevant to this particular problem.

"I keep dating this same girl, and even though I like her, she keeps dumping me for the same reason each time. I like her but she dumps me? I take her back and then she dumps me? Everything is the same, I love her and she dumps me...what should I do?"

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. You can keep chasing her and live a life of insecurity while dating followed by despair during the breakups, or you can break the cycle and NOT repeat this again with her.

Edited the name calling!
Wonder how swordfish ended up! Sometimes you never know!!

Sounds like you have made a very brave and essential decision. Just stick to it firmly and you will be absolutely fine. Your ex sounds like she enjoys having you around, being in love with her but she doesn't want to actually do the right thing and let you go completely. There's no hope there because that's not respecting you. You have made the brave move, she is being selfish and weak. It's not often I am so critical of my gender but this situation sounds really unfair (from your side, I don't know hers of course).

Move on... be happy!