How many woman here hate it when a stranger calls them ma'am personally I hate
This word.I am 40 years old but when someone says ma'am it just sounds like it is for someone much older.I would prefer to br called madam instead.what about the rest of you?

The only place I like it is when I go to the southern part of the US. It sounds so lovely with that beautiful southern drawl.

I suppose there are worse things people could say they could just shout out HEY YOU! Or say what do you want lady?

Im only 25 but I kind of understand I work at a Real Estate office and a gentelman came in the other day and kept calling me ma'am it was kind of annoying. I have a (I don't know if you would say bad or good) habbit of calling people ma'am and sir But that was just the way I was raised. I think most people do it out of respect not because they think you are old.

I live in Tennessee and hear this word used A LOT. I'm 21 and I have people call me ma'am all of the time. It's a culturally regional aspect of the good ole south. In school, we were always taught that out of respect you say "yes ma'am, no sir." I think it's wonderful.

LOL. I still remember the first time I was called ma'am. I was 21 and the clerk at the convenience store must have been close to 30. I was livid. Thankfully, as I have gotten older I have chilled. I actually prefer it now. It is a respectful way for someone to address me. I find it more annoying when I am in a restaurant and the waiter who is a teen or college student says: "How are you guys doing?" There is no mistaking me for a man. I am old enough to be his mother's "older yet devastingly more attractive" sister. LOL. All joking aside, it annoys me when someone lumps everyone at the table together and calls us all "guys." I think that shows a major lack of good manners, and the usage of the term "ma'am" shows proper manners.

How many woman here hate it when a stranger calls them ma'am personally I hate
this word.I am 40 years old but when someone says ma'am it just sounds like it is for someone much older.I would prefer to br called madam instead.what about the rest of you?

Between the two, I much prefer ma'am. Madam makes it sound like you should be running a brothel.

Realistically, the options are few. Miss, which will get married women and women of a certain age upset. Miz (Ms), which gets the traditionalists upset. Mrs. which gets unmarried women upset (especially if the assumption is then made that a man in the party is her husband!) Ma'am, which some people object to because it sounds old-fashioned or makes them feel old.

But any of those are better than "hey you".

Doesn't bother me one bit. It's nice to know there are still folks out there with manners.

Don't come down south then, I was taught to do so in respect, and all of my kids and their friends do.

It is always yes ma'am and no ma'am.

And it is a lot better than "ho" which is used on the street for a lot of women now adays

Would you prefer "sugar" or "honey"?

I agree with those who say it's a term of respect, and not reserved for the "old" crowd.

If the words offend you, ignore them and instead accept the good intentions behind them.

Nobody intends to point out how old you are, and unless you are a teenager, a lot of people will use "Ma'am", particularly if you are married and wear a ring, as "Miss" implies you are unmarried. It's unfortunate there is not a female equivalent of "Sir", which does not connote marital status or make people feel they are viewed at any particular age, but that's just how it is.

People calling you "Ma'am", unless the rest of the statement is rude, are intending to be respectful to you. Accept the fact that someone just extended their respect to you and ignore the word - it will be more pleasant to experience it that way, and you can't change the behavior of strangers you've yet to meet anyway.

The only place I like it is when I go to the southern part of the US. It sounds so lovely with that beautiful southern drawl.



Thank you ma'am...

Ma'am is a friendly form of Madam. (The apostrophe replaces the "d".) Madam is how one addresses the Queen. Madam sounds horrid and old.

When I was in my early 20's I liked it and didn't understand why some women would tell me how it made them feel old when I'd call them ma'am. Now that I'm older (not that old) I don't like it much, although I appreciate that their parents taught them some manners. I think someone calling me madam would make me feel like I'm an old maid of royal blood... I don't really like that either.

In my part of Texas it is always yes Ma'am or no ma'am or yes sir or no sir. It is a sign of respect but with a tone of voice it can always mean something else besides respect. But everyone that deserves it is called Ma'am.

I picked this up from my grandfather, and he got it from the military. He'd say "yes, sir" or "no, ma'am" to the person doing the lowliest job. It was simply a respectful term that was a "reflex" for him... he'd have to mentally force himself not to say it.

I worked with a guy who hated that I used "sir" and a friend of my fathers hated it too... made him feel "old"...

I like it and I receive it in respect and give it in respect! It is better than some names we could be called... LOL

Well as a Southerner myself Born and bred Here in North Carolina I was raised to say yes mam no sir it was a staple and a habit and just the way I was raised I was taught to say it and yea I get ones that make comments to me say like I work for a living no need to say sir or some will say I'm not old yet I mean the majority of people who say it aren't mean about it its just out of the way I was raised southern people have that mentality I know I don't mean anything bad by it but to each their own can't please everyone all the time lol

I was born and raised in Arkansas and the use of ma'am was not an option. The general rule of thumb is anyone more than 10 years older gets the "ma'am."

What makes me feel old (I'm 40 also) is the young people in my workplace that call me "Miss Em." Like I'm Miss Daisy in need of a driver. I realize it is a sign of respect, and ask them to drop the Miss, but it makes some uncomfortable, so I have stopped asking.

You can call me Ms. or Mrs. or Ma'am, just don't call me late to supper!

Miss Em, you are beautiful... that is better... now go get dinner

I too hate being called Ma'am, and have to agree with one of my female clients in her belief that, "it should be a curse word". Or, as I've seen else where, "Ma'am isn't just a four letter word..it's a four letter word with an apostrophe in the middle."

First off, to correct the response above, every etiquette book asserts that "Ma'am" IS the female equivalent of "Sir". Where you are mixed up is that there is no MALE equivalent of MISS.

The confusion here, is that all our lives women are addressed as "Miss". "How can I help you, Miss?" "Can I get that for you, Miss". Then women pass an Invisible Barrier, and MARRIED OR NOT, people everywhere start calling us Ma'am. We notice it, and wonder why.

People UNCONSCIOUSLY call "older" women Ma'am and "younger" women Miss. It happens all the time. I can tell you of plenty of times I've gone to the store, and a woman not more than 10 years younger than I, also "unmarried", gets addressed as Miss, while the same clerk addresses me as Ma'am. That hurts. I have also purposely taken notice, that if I fix my hair nicely, and wear makeup, and dress more sexily - I am usually NOT called Ma'am when I go shopping! You should try it!

The solution, I suggest, is what many clerks do - just be pleasant, and polite and attentive and say, "Can I get that for you?", or "Excuse me, I can help you over here,", or "How was your dinner tonight?" Did anyone see anything wrong with any of those? I don't. But, when I get a "Can I get that for you, Ma'am" or "I can help you over here, Ma'am" etc , I just want to scream. It's just not necessary to add the Ma'am or even the Miss. I don't think any stranger has the right to make assumptions about my age or marital status.

Society is too complicated these days to assume WHO everyone is, how old they are, what address makes them comfortable, or whether they want to be addressed at all. We can leave the 'titles' and 'addresses' for the people we know, and leave them off for strangers.

I too hate being called Ma'am, and have to agree with one of my female clients in her belief that, "it should be a curse word". Or, as I've seen else where, "Ma'am isn't just a four letter word..it's a four letter word with an apostrophe in the middle."

First off, to correct the response above, every etiquette book asserts that "Ma'am" IS the female equivalent of "Sir". Where you are mixed up is that there is no MALE equivalent of MISS.

The confusion here, is that all our lives women are addressed as "Miss". "How can I help you, Miss?" "Can I get that for you, Miss". Then women pass an Invisible Barrier, and MARRIED OR NOT, people everywhere start calling us Ma'am. We notice it, and wonder why.

People UNCONSCIOUSLY call "older" women Ma'am and "younger" women Miss. It happens all the time. I can tell you of plenty of times I've gone to the store, and a woman not more than 10 years younger than I, also "unmarried", gets addressed as Miss, while the same clerk addresses me as Ma'am. That hurts. I have also purposely taken notice, that if I fix my hair nicely, and wear makeup, and dress more sexily - I am usually NOT called Ma'am when I go shopping! You should try it!!

The solution, I suggest, is what many clerks do - just be pleasant, and polite and attentive and say, "Can I get that for you?", or "Excuse me, I can help you over here,", or "How was your dinner tonight?" Did anyone see anything wrong with any of those? I don't. But, when I get a "Can I get that for you, Ma'am" or "I can help you over here, Ma'am" etc , I just want to scream. It's just not necessary to add the Ma'am or even the Miss. I don't think any stranger has the right to make assumptions about my age or marital status.

Society is too complicated these days to assume WHO everyone is, how old they are, what address makes them comfortable, or whether or not they want to be addressed at all. We can leave the 'titles' and 'addresses' for the people we know, and leave them off for strangers. You know it would be just as easy for us males to say "CAN I HELP YOU B**TCH?"

You know it would be just as easy for us males to say "CAN I HELP YOU B**TCH?"


That would be cool. "" is ageless...

There's just no accounting for taste. We have lost all sense of decorum in this country. Would not recognize good manners if it slapped us in the face.

In this day and age I think it's important to encourage people to be respectful in any way or manner possible. Even if you personally find the title dissatisfying I'd say suck it up for the greater good. Don't give people an excuse not to be respectful (e.g. by claiming that "nobody likes to be called sir or ma'am.")

I recognize manners...
I use them when I am in public... and at home.
Hope you guys do to! It all starts with one smile, and one person receiving it! Then when you open your mouth to go and say something... say something nice whether it is ma'am or not... if it is used in respect, you should appreciate it! Especially these days!;)

As I said, it's polite to pay attention to your customers and answer their questions and say, "I can help you over here," and smile. That is polite.

It's RUDE to make assumptions about someone's AGE and call them ma'am.
I was taught it rude to JUDGE.
I was taught it is rude to make assumptions about others.

If there were a polite term for women (and men for that matter) that had nothing to do with age, fine, great! But there isn't. There is "Miss" for young women, and "Ma'am" for "old" women. When you are "old" enough to start having it happen to you, you'll know how crappy it feels. And, if you look online elsewhere, there are plenty of other women who don't like it either.

Continuing to INSIST that "it's just polite" is missing the point and keeping a closed mind. Open-minded people would say, "Oh, wow, I never thought of it that way. That's kind of weird to me to be honest, but, I"m sorry if it hurts your feelings. I had no idea people thought that way about it. Maybe I'll ask around and see if anyone else thinks that way too." That is the thought process of an OPEN mind. [You are all also showing your age, because clearly it is not happening to you yet.]

Truly, when someone says, "Doing X hurts my feelings, (and the feelings of all my female friends, and the feelings of many women who write about it online,)" WHAT is the point of continuing to shove it down their throat the way you are suggesting? That just seems hurtful.

Is being hurtful being polite?

That's certainly not what I was taught.

So, again, if I had the choice:
"How was your dinner tonight?" Smile..
Or "How was your dinner tonight, Ma'am". I pick the first one, and so do most of the women I know.

Here in good ole Alabama it is not considered rude to call any age ma'am. I was taught... my teeth would be nocked out if my mom heard me say what or yeah to an adult period. No matter how much older the person was (generally 10 yrs or so). I am guilty of grouping and saying guys to everyone... no gender calling intended, but I say you much more often.
It just depends on where you were raised. My friends up North don't say ma'am to their parents. They don't say yeah, they say yes (what's the difference?). Yes ma'am sounds much better to me, more respectful. I am passing that trait to my 2yo... he says yes ma'am and yes sir to my 25-35yo friends.
When speaking to customers I say yes ma'am to a 10yo girl (most often sure or here sweetie)... it's part of good customer service here. I can't stand it when I go to a business and they ask "Whatcha need?"... now that's rude!
In general I don't think most people put an age on ma'am or sir, it's just how they were raised. We shouldn't judge the way people were raised to address others. If it's not the way you address others, just ignore it and go on about your business.

Hmmmm, I find it polite... I guess I am one of the few.

I find it polite as well. I am 54 years old, I have no problem being called ma'am. I had no problem being called maam when I was in my 30s and 40s. I was taught it was a sign of respect. It lets me know there are still people around who are being taught manners. I taught my daughter to call adults ma'am or sir.

I teach 7th grade, and I call all the girls "ma'am." Ditto for my principal.

I don't mean anything disrespectful by it---far from it, in fact. I was just raised to speak to ladies with respect.

Yeah, I guess it's a southern thing.

Start... I think with your mannerisms, you are just a southerner at heart :)

start.....I think with your mannerisms, you are just a southerner at heart :)
I am... I am... That's it I am moving far far away from here! LOL
Too cute Rp... too funny:p

Better hurry... the South is running out of room, LOL! But for you... we'll push a few over LMAO

Thanks... I want to wear a dress and work on the farm too... OK? That is how I picture it... just like the movies and book I have read... I am there... give me a bit, I have lot's of stuff to move...

Make sure you get that pink couch! LOL... well, there are a FEW farms left... we'll just have to search heehee

Yes... and I want it on my porch... with the lemonade and cookies...

I guess it's time to go pull the potatoes and shuck the corn for dinner LOL... see you in a bit

I'll make sure I grab some lemons from the trees to go with dinner

PERFECT! Aww, I wish...

Don't we all... although we do have fresh oranges and bananas. After the traffic tonight... micro meals it is LOL

How many woman here hate it when a stranger calls them ma'am personally I hate
this word.I am 40 years old but when someone says ma'am it just sounds like it is for someone much older.I would prefer to br called madam instead.what about the rest of you?
I agree, I am almost 40 and I HATE "ma'am". I think everyone should be called "Miss" no matter what age. If you are called "Miss" and you are not a "miss" you can feel free to correct and say, "Oh, it's Mrs. so and so" or whatever. I don't know of ANYONE who would be insulted to be called "Miss". I say err on the side of caution! In my opinion, "Miss" is much nicer than "Madam" which sounds pompous!!

"ma'am" and "sir" are a sign of respect. That is how I was taught.

What I think is rude to women is when someone you don't know, a customer or whatever, calls you by honey, princess, darling, sweetheart, etc.
THAT drives me crazy. To me, that is a show of total disrespect. Not ma'am or sir.

How is Ma'am pronounced... is it like madam or mam? Confusingg

Hi "MADAM" is a term which is used for the p r o s t I t u t e s, so "MAM" is the only respectable term which can be used for woman's.:)

There's a great line of greeting cards that pokes fun at the way things are. One of their cards says something about getting "ma'amed". I hate to be ma'amed. I'm 22 and people twice my age call me ma'am. I appreciate manners, but ick, it makes me feel old!

Here in good ole Alabama it is not considered rude to call any age ma'am. I was taught.... my teeth would be nocked out if my mom heard me say what or yeah to an adult period. No matter how much older the person was (generally 10 yrs or so). I am guilty of grouping and saying guys to everyone....no gender calling intended, but I say ya'll much more often.
It just depends on where you were raised. My friends up North don't say ma'am to their parents. They don't say yeah, they say yes (what's the difference?). Yes ma'am sounds much better to me, more respectful. I am passing that trait to my 2yo.....he says yes ma'am and yes sir to my 25-35yo friends.
When speaking to customers I say yes ma'am to a 10yo girl (most often sure or here sweetie)....it's part of good customer service here. I can't stand it when I go to a business and they ask "Whatcha need?"....now that's rude!
In general I don't think most people put an age on ma'am or sir, it's just how they were raised. We shouldn't judge the way people were raised to address others. If it's not the way you address others, just ignore it and go on about your business.

I grew up in Louisiana, lived in Mississippi, and now live in Georgia. I hate the way many Southerners think that calling a woman "ma'am" is a sign of respect. Just as teaching children to say "yes, ma'am" always means respect. It doesn't. It simply means they have learned to do what you told them. Forced compliance, I say. It's all about tone and attitude. Not a bunch of antiquated words.

And teaching your children to say "yes" instead of "yeah" is a big friggin' difference. There are parts of the country where people live in a more egalitarian society, and children are accepted more as equals. Of course, they don't make the rules, but they aren't expected to do whatever any adult tells them. After all, that same adult the Southern child is ordered to "respect" may be the one who molests him. I have a nephew who was taught that it is OK to say "no" to an adult who wants to give him an hug or kiss. Brilliant. It's not about instilling fear. It's just teaching children that adults are not in a special class and that they aren't ever wrong.

This attitude of having this extra "respect" for women is also demeaning. After all, why can't people just treat women as people and not as delicate flowers that need to be shielded and protected from vulgarity and "men's crudeness"?

I personally believe that Miss and Mrs should be completely obliterated. Why is it anyone else's business if a woman is married or not? We don't have equivalent titles for men. But if you address a woman as Ms, she gets all weird about it. At least if she's one of the women in my area. Many of them think it's only for divorced women. How stupid. I guess they worked too hard for the M-R-S degree for people not to recognize it.

Amazing, isn't it? It's like the 1950s all over again.

My children are also taught to say, "pardon" or "sorry" instead of "what" if they didn't hear someone. If they are called, they are taught to say "yes". None of this ma'am or sir stuff. My house isn't a military school. Nor is it a factory for robotic Southern children.

Trust me when I say that the hundreds of children I know who must say "yes, ma'am" to adults have no more or less respect for them than the ones who would say (or think) "oh, god. What now?"

Just another "myth of the South" that gets passed on year after year. You know, like the one that says people are nicer here, and they're rude "up North"?

And if the author of the question is also single, the attitude down here is that, at her age, she must be ugly if she hasn't found someone yet. Sure there are more progressive cities here in the South, but the rest of this vast expanse is still living in 1866--resentful of any outsiders with their "strange ideas" and their "city ways".

Well, I still believe that "assuming" every woman perceives "Ma'am" as a term of respect is a mistake. You say you use it as a term of respect, while so many women hate it and don't feel it's respectful. Instead, it makes them feel bad. In my experience, more women Don't like it than Do like it. So, while you're thinking you're being respectful, you're actually hurting feelings.

What is truly "respectful" is realizing there is diversity in today's society. Being "respectful" is taking that into account, and not "assuming" that every woman wants to be called Ma'am.

What is a new type of "respect" is leaving the Ma'am off when you talk to strangers, and add it on when you know the person and know it's okay with them - like a female boss for instance.

As one of the many women who thinks Ma'am is an unfair assumption of her age and status, I'd much rather hear "How can I help you today?" from the people I meet.

Like I have said, the reason I say it is out of respect and it was the way I was taught.
At this point in my life, it is just part of who I am to say ma'am and sir. So, I am not going to start editing myself because of hurt feelings. I mean, if everyone starts watching everything they say, when can they be themselves?
Why are we so afraid of stepping on someone else's toes? Why can't we be true to ourselves?

When "being ourselves" hurts others, we need to become better people.

Better in who's eyes? I am not going to sit around and try to change to make this person and that person happy. I would suffer from exhaustion! A person could turn themselves inside out trying to conform to what others think is acceptable.

And is the word "ma'am" really hurting people? If so, get thicker skin.

In "whose" eyes? The grammar and spelling on these boards are atrocious.

In your own. Deep down perhaps, or perhaps not. Some people reject change more than others. The knowledge that your actions affect others should make you aware that if a particular group opposes something, then they oppose it. It doesn't mean you must agree, but unless you want to stand out as the obnoxious old fart, you'll call them what they desire. It's called "personal growth".

There was a time in history when slavery was thought of as "good for society". Of course we know that it's not true, but there are many ways that women are still treated neither as men's equals nor their partners.

I was "raised" to think that certain races were in some ways inferior to mine. Of course, I disagreed with my parents and got in trouble for it. My parents did what was common in my area (didn't make it right), but it went hand-in-hand with always saying ma'am and sir. That's not to say that you're a racist, but being "raised" to do something doesn't mean that it's a preferred or even desired behavior.

Being sensitive to the needs and desires of others is a sign of maturity. It also means you have a conscience and the capability for empathy.

In "whose" eyes? The grammar and spelling on these boards are atrocious.

Well, excuse me! Didn't realize I was getting graded!

If you want to worry yourself all day with making concessions for every person out there or make sure you don't do or say anything that offends ANYONE - knock yourself out.

I will continue to say ma'am and sir. I think it shows respect and that you have manners. Again, that is my opinion. And since you want to be tolerant of how everyone feels - shouldn't you say that too? No? Well then, are you speaking out of both sides of your mouth?

I would explain this more, but it would get me nowhere. I've already decided that posting on this site is a waste of my time.

I'll just stick with my MENSA friends.

If someone is being courteous to me, then it doesn't matter what they call me.
I'm not wearing a sign that indicates to strangers what I'd prefer to be called;
Therefore, it's not my place to complain, get upset or offended.
I call that being sensitive, mature, conscience, and empathetic
To the person being courteous.
How is that person suppose to know what I prefer to be called?

It would be nice if everyone could accept everyone else's kind and courteous gestures without being offended.
There are a lot of other things happening in this world to get upset about and
I don't feel that kind, courteous gestures should be one of them...

I honestly think like AKaeTrue, if they are being polite, then I would thank them or return the good gesture.
This being polite and courteous is a sign of maturity sweet mldubose, some of us just don't mind it and believe me if I knew you didn't like it, I wouldn't call you that. :)
I am also thinking that us ladies may have forgotten how to be one... use your manners and be polite. Golden rule! I still am on the "I like being called Ma'am" side. Still like it and I still think it is polite.

I'm not from the South. Ma'am up here in the North is often used by salesclerks or phone support people to try and gain control of the conversation, when they are upset, etc. And yes, it makes a person feel dowdy and old. Of course, men don't give a crap what they are called because they aren't judged by their looks and age with the intense scrutiny that women are. Men wouldn't last a day if they were judged by their look and age like women are. Every bad thing that can happen to a man is made a positive: bald is beautiful/virile, wrinkles are distinguished, older age is distinguished, overweight is acceptable. Now assign these same attributes to a woman and what do you get. It's a man's world through and through, that is for sure. Until a man dances a day in a woman's shoe, he just ain't got no clue!

I too hate being called Ma'am, and have to agree with one of my female clients in her belief that, "it should be a curse word". Or, as I've seen else where, "Ma'am isn't just a four letter word..it's a four letter word with an apostrophe in the middle."

First off, to correct the response above, every etiquette book asserts that "Ma'am" IS the female equivalent of "Sir". Where you are mixed up is that there is no MALE equivalent of MISS.

The confusion here, is that all our lives women are addressed as "Miss". "How can I help you, Miss?" "Can I get that for you, Miss". Then women pass an Invisible Barrier, and MARRIED OR NOT, people everywhere start calling us Ma'am. We notice it, and wonder why.

People UNCONSCIOUSLY call "older" women Ma'am and "younger" women Miss. It happens all the time. I can tell you of plenty of times I've gone to the store, and a woman not more than 10 years younger than I, also "unmarried", gets addressed as Miss, while the same clerk addresses me as Ma'am. That hurts. I have also purposely taken notice, that if I fix my hair nicely, and wear makeup, and dress more sexily - I am usually NOT called Ma'am when I go shopping! You should try it!!


I agree. I despise being called ma’am, and yes, it does make assumptions about age and marital status which is insulting. What if you look older but are younger?
Why are women singled out for this “honor” yet all men are Sir? It’s a sexist and ageist term, ma’am is.

I think it should be stamped out. Or why not use Ms? It’s perfect for ALL women regardless of age and we already use it when writing a letter to a woman we can’t see and therefore can’t judge whether to call her ma’am or miss.

It’s interesting that you said dressing sexier you get called miss. When I dress younger I have gotten miss as well. That tells you it’s a sexist, ageist term right there. Ma’am might as well stand for “old, unsexy crone.” In fact, that’s what I hear when I’m called ma’am. Have a nice day you old, unsexy crone…

You know it would be just as easy for us males to say "CAN I HELP YOU B**TCH?"

What's wrong with Ms? Can I help you, Ms? Just as easy to say as ma'am or miss, without making assumptions about whether I'm married or over whatever the hell age people have decided the ma'am honorific should begin.

As I said in the beginning, I honestly think it is mostly said in a respectful way so I haven't got a problem.
Ma'am, you forgot your purse on the counter, Ma'am here is your order... and so on...

elle92 disagrees: Ma'am is inherently disrespectful as well as sexist and ageist in its current usage.

WOW, it is my opinion, not a fact...
Not sure why you had to go and do that Ma'am!

Now, that is when you use it with disrespect, if I were to say sorry to you with the word Ma'am in there would you turn your head and not accept my apology? Sheesh, gather yourself up and use your manners. I would rather hear Ma'am than "hey you or other words, I guess that is my point!

Why do we have a term that judges women by how old they look and whether they are married or not, but we don't have an equivalent term judging men by how old THEY look or how OLD they are?

This is called SEXISM people. My advice, call all women Ms. (Miz). It presumes neither age nor marital status.

Ma'am is outdated, sexist, ageist. Stop using it.

Now, that is when you use it with disrespect, if I were to say sorry to you with the word Ma'am in there would you turn your head and not accept my apology? Sheesh, gather yourself up and use your manners. I would rather hear Ma'am than "hey you or other words, I guess that is my point!


I would accept your apology and let you know that I prefer to be called Ms and not ma'am.

I don't use Ma'am to judge anyone on how they look or act. You obviously do though, do you see it?

Why do we have a term that judges women by how old they look and whether they are married or not, but we don't have an equivalent term judging men by how old THEY look or how OLD they are?

This is called SEXISM people. My advice, call all women Ms. (Miz). It presumes neither age nor marital status.

Ma'am is outdated, sexist, ageist. Stop using it.

This is where all of our society problems started. Who ever can see this, please do not listen to this person, you need to keep the past alive, the past that showed good manners and not all these "oh no, you hurt my feelings" type of people. Let us be who we are with great respect and treat each other with it. Now Elle, I get a small portion of your point, but really in the end, it is about respect and not disrespect. Ma'am was meant to be respectful it is you who have made it not!

I just don't get why Ma'am indicates your married? Or old!

Mrs. would indicate marriage, not ma'am. If you think saying ma'am reflects age - well then it is you that has the problem with YOUR age. Not someone else.

I have NEVER used the word ma'am as a way to be disrespectful or hurtful.

There are way better words to accomplish that!

Why do we have a term that judges women by how old they look and whether they are married or not, but we don't have an equivalent term judging men by how old THEY look or how OLD they are?

This is called SEXISM people. My advice, call all women Ms. (Miz). It presumes neither age nor marital status.

Ma'am is outdated, sexist, ageist. Stop using it.

But Ms. is hard to say... it tends to come out sounding like Miss unless you really over-emphasize the Z sound. And it is offensive to many women, who want to be called either Mrs. or Miss as appropriate. And Miss is problematic, because it is used in certain contexts to emphasize the subservient role of women. (I'm thinking of the colloquialism of "Miss Firstname", which has been used in some cases regardless of the actual age or marital status of the woman involved.)

And if you think that there aren't terms for men that have been used through history, you are wrong. There's "Master", for one, used to address young boys. And of course, the term "boy" used to address adult men, which is now considered quite offensive.

And you are aware, of course, that there was a time when not only weren't courtesy titles necessary, you didn't even have to bother learning the person's name? Guides for people looking to hire servants came with such helpful tips as "George and John are suitable names for footmen, and Emily is suitable for a housemaid." And you were expected to answer to those names, no matter what your mother named you!

Also, this does come down to context. If you are asking me how my dinner was, you don't need to throw in any title. If you are flagging me down because I left my purse, I'd prefer you to call out "ma'am!" than "hey you!"

I am raising my daughter to use the words "ma'am" and "sir". (Remember, I feel like it is a sign of good manners and respect)
Anyway, I took her up to my work a couple of days ago. One of my co-workers, actually my boss, asked if she wanted something. She said "yes, ma'am". My boss told my daughter that she wasn't old enough to be called ma'am. That her name would do.

I just don't get it. When did that word go along with age definition? Why do some women feel older when called that? Is it because, as a child, you were instructed to call anyone older than you "ma'am or sir"? So, now you associate ma'am with old?

I am just having a problem making the connection with this term being disrespectful. I don't get it.

If some one calls you miss and your really mrs. do you get offended and correct them? How are people to know? And MS. (pronounced MiZ) can come to close to miss. So aren't you just being as offending as those of us that use "ma'am"?

It is a courtesy to be called ma'am, and it is most likely done out of respect. I think it is great! You keep going NowWhat, you are doing a good job.
I will never get it either!

I was taught to call adult women ma'am and adult men sir. I taught my daughter the same way. It is a sigh of respecting their position. It is the same as addressing a person in authority as Mr. or Ma'am or whatever title they may hold. It has nothing to do with insult.
If you want to talk insult, I find it offensive for adults to allow their young children to call other adults by their first name. It is rude, but I'm not going to have a cow about it.
It's all about manners and etiquette, and we as a people seem to be sorely lacking in both.

Ohhhh goodness, my kids call ather adults by their first name unless I introduce them differently, BUT, I do agree with you, I lost that somewhere, and from now on if I know the persons last name I will introduce them that way to my children. Our close friends, they usually add a Uncle or Auntie in front, but others I always respond to them by first name so my childred do too. Thanks Homegirl!

I, personally, prefer people to call me by my first name. In return, I use their first name.

A lot of my friends are the same way. My daughter refers to them as Ms. whatever. We are close enough and have known them long enough that using their last names seems so formal - so saying "Ms. Melissa" seems okay.

It is funny though, my mom called her in-laws Mr. and Mrs. last name, until the day they died. It was out of respect. When talking about them, she still refers to them that way. My parents have been married for over 42 years.

WOW, that is great for your parents!
I too am called Miss Startover by my daycare kids, they think it is nice and I do too...
If we know someone well, we go by first name also, but I never really thought of it until now to introduce people using their last name to my kids, I just never have done it unless he/she is a teacher or Dr... I wonder why? Probably because I was not raised to do it myself, but I like the idea!

My daughter called close friends of mine aunt whatever and a lot of them were call Miss Mary or whatever as well. I don't have a problem with that. I was just taught that adding the Miss, Mr. Aunt Uncle when referring to adults is a sign of respect.

I am raising my daughter to use the words "ma'am" and "sir". (Remember, I feel like it is a sign of good manners and respect)
Anyways, I took her up to my work a couple of days ago. One of my co-workers, actually my boss, asked if she wanted something. She said "yes, ma'am". My boss told my daughter that she wasn't old enough to be called ma'am. That her name would do.

I just don't get it. When did that word go along with age definition? Why do some women feel older when called that? Is it because, as a child, you were instructed to call anyone older than you "ma'am or sir"? So, now you associate ma'am with old?

It's not just women, actually. There are many men who react badly to being called "Mr." They are the ones who will say "Call me Bob. Mr. Smith is my father." Same thing, really, as women objecting to ma'am.

It's not just women, actually. There are many men who react badly to being called "Mr." They are the ones who will say "Call me Bob. Mr. Smith is my father." Same thing, really, as women objecting to ma'am.

That is true. I never thought about that.

Why do you think that is?

Are we so obsessed with age and the thought of getting older- any kind of "reminder" is or could be seen as offensive?

I am only 45 but call me ma'am any day. I detest being called hon, honey, babe, sweety,darlin etc... by men that do not know me. I am a dispatcher and I get called that so many times in a day by people I have never or will never meet or talk to again. I also hear it a lot at the full serve gas station, car repair shops.

I cringe it sounds so sexist to me. I have to bite my tongue not to say something... because I know that no harm is intended. But it really drives me NUTS!

But on the other hand when a female waitress calls me that I do not find it offensive at all. I wonder if my husband feels the same way. Hmmm maybe I am the one with the problem. Is it just me or does it bother other people when the opposite sex call you these names.

See, it bothers me across the board. I HATE when people call me Honey, sweetheart, etc. It doesn't matter if it is a man or a woman. They don't know me! Especially at work - I wear a name tag - my name is clearly displayed. Don't call me dear, darlin' - I have a name, use it.

LOL... that is all I have to say. I needed this laugh, Ma'am's!

How many woman here hate it when a stranger calls them ma'am personally I hate
this word.I am 40 years old but when someone says ma'am it just sounds like it is for someone much older.I would prefer to br called madam instead.what about the rest of you?
I can understand if you are an Eastern United States resident that it sounds old to you. I'm in Texas and a large amount of the population says Yes Sir and Yes Ma'am as regular part of life. I'm so habitual with it I even say to my dog, "NO MA'AM!" She stops. It's a sign of respect. Nobody is calling you old. That's when they help you out of cars and hold doors for you...

I was taught to call adult women ma'am and adult men sir. I taught my daughter the same way. It is a sigh of respecting their position. It is the same as addressing a person in authority as Mr. or Ma'am or whatever title they may hold. It has nothing to do with insult.
If you want to talk insult, I find it offensive for adults to allow their young children to call other adults by their first name. It is rude, but I'm not going to have a cow about it.
It's all about manners and etiquette, and we as a people seem to be sorely lacking in both.

Good point! I am from the South and we addressed any adult with Mrs. or Ms. or Mr. before their first name. Now, I live in California, and they don't do that. So when I visit my hometown and call my friends parents by their first name, they kind of have a shocked expression. I need to start doing that again. Thanks for the reminder!

I don't know about the rest but I personally prefer calling people by their names and yes I do hate it when people say mam to girls or ladies.. I think its kind of under estimating your own position when you call out that word to someone! Don't know why but it seems so to me! :-)

In the uk it's purely a sign of respect.

WE could do with a bit more of it over here right now, especially from the youngsters.

Ma'am is southern drawl from feeling lazy with talking in the hot weather. I do prefer madame or madamoiselle because the south has so much French culture. So if you're going to be well-mannered, shouldn't you go all out on effort and stick with the original instead of being lazy?

This is not France.
I would rather be called ma'am than madame. Madame puts me in mind of a brothel.
I have no problem with the word.

Ma'am is southern drawl from feeling lazy with talking in the hot weather. I do prefer madame or madamoiselle because the south has so much French culture. So if you're going to be well-mannered, shouldn't you go all out on effort and stick with the original instead of being lazy?

Wow, That is a new one.

Growing up in the south - never heard of it coming from a place of laziness.

"During the migration south and west, the settlers encountered the French immigrants of New France (from which Kentucky, Arkansas, Louisiana, Missouri, Mississippi and western Tennessee originated), and the French accent itself fused into the British and Irish accents. The modern Southern dialects were born." - Southern American English - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southern_American_English)

I'm not sure why you associate a perfectly classy word with a brothel?

As for laziness from hot weather, it's a joke brought up by some of my southern black friends, as in, "it's too hot to talk right, so i talk short."

"During the migration south and west, the settlers encountered the French immigrants of New France (from which Kentucky, Arkansas, Louisiana, Missouri, Mississippi and western Tennessee originated), and the French accent itself fused into the British and Irish accents. The modern Southern dialects were born." - Southern American English - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southern_American_English)

I'm not sure why you associate a perfectly classy word with a brothel?

As for laziness from hot weather, it's a joke brought up by some of my southern black friends, as in, "it's too hot to talk right, so i talk short."
Because ladies who run brothels are called madams

You do understand it's pronounced totally different? Look back to my post (#85) and yours (#86), we both used madame not madam.

Madam - [mad-uhm]
3. the woman in charge of a house of prostitution.

Madame - [muh-dam]
1. a French title of respect equivalent to “Mrs.”, used alone or prefixed to a woman's married name or title: Madame Curie.
2. (in English) a title of respect used in speaking to or of an older woman, esp. one of distinction, who is not of American or British origin. Abbreviation: Mme.

Info's on dictionary.com

You're right, but I still prefer ma'am to madame. It sounds so stuffy.
I guess I'm American through and through

Ma'am is southern drawl from feeling lazy with talking in the hot weather. So if you're going to be well-mannered, shouldn't you go all out on effort and stick with the original instead of being lazy?

I have pure European heritage: French, Irish, and British. I am from Louisiana. It's not about being lazy. It is a word in Webster's Dictonary. How can we be considered lazy if it is actually a word?

If ma'am is just a term of respect and has nothing to do with judging a woman's age, then why is it that young women and older women bristle at being called ma'am? Wrap your mind around that one.

I just want to hear all your theories about this. Yes, many individuals do use ma'am without respect to a woman's age and with total respect. But many people reflexively look at a woman and think, hmn. She's middle aged, she's a ma'am. Or she has a wedding ring, or looks old enough that she should be married, she's a ma'am. Then they encounter a younger woman and think, hmn. Under thirty, she's a miss. Or no wedding ring, she's a miss.

These categories come from a sexist tradition where women were property and distinguished as belonging to a man or not yet belonging to a man. When women were thought of as old maids if they didn't have a Mrs. in front of their name before a certain age. So, in this historic context ma'am is sexist. It has become ageist as well in it's use.
This is totally separate from individuals who are using the term with the best of intentions.

I am not talking about these people. I am not talking about what my issues may or may not be about my age. I'm talking about what was once or even should simply be a term used with respect, that has morphed into something more. Just like Madame, the word that ma'am is a contraction of, somehow came to mean a woman who runs a brothel.

The term Ms. which is not difficult to say (if it is for you, may I suggest speech therapy?) is a polite term used for women in business correpondence when one cannot see the woman in question to judge either age or marital status.

My children were taught to say yes ma'am, yes sir, etc. They don't use it all the time but they will say " yes please," or "no thank you." NEVER answer a question with "yeah". I'm a native southerner but when I lived in Pa. my friends thought my son was SO respectful to me and them by the way he answered or addressed us.

I don't hate it when someone calls me ma'am nor do I consider it an insult.

would you prefer "sugar" or "honey"?

i agree with those who say its a term of respect, and not reserved for the "old" crowd.

I detest being called sugar or honey, I'd rather be called Ma'am any day. It is just a term of respect when they do not know your name.

Holy crap. Are you people kidding me? It is WIDELY understood that ma'am is used to indicate a woman who looks like she's middle-aged and/or on the "wrong side" of thirty. Yes, I know that it was meant to be and is used by well-meaning folk as a term of respect for a woman. But we also know that 9 times out of 10 if a woman of 23 years of age is out with her mom, at a restaurant or whererever, that mom is going to be ma'am and daughter is going to be called miss. Even though, historically miss is an honorific for girls the male equivalent of which is master.

So I in fact know my history. What I am talking about is common usage nowadays. I can accept that people are going to call me ma'am and most of the time I think it is respectful but part of that respectfulness is prefaced on how old I happen to look to them. You will not find that young adult people of 21 and over call their age mates ma'am and sir. And that's because ma'am and sir to them are "old" people typically 30 and over. This is just common effing knowledge. That's why in the popular culture you have women bristling at being called ma'am. Everybody knows, even though it's not written down anywhere, that it's short hand for being past one's prime.

That's why women who are called ma'am FEEL old. Don't you get it? So do they have a problem with their age or is it really society that has a problem with their age?

Holy crap. Are you people kidding me? It is WIDELY understood that ma'am is used to indicate a woman who looks like she's middle-aged and/or on the "wrong side" of thirty. Yes, I know that it was meant to be and is used by well-meaning folk as a term of respect for a woman. But we also know that 9 times out of 10 if a woman of 23 years of age is out with her mom, at a restaurant or whererever, that mom is going to be ma'am and daughter is going to be called miss. Even though, historically miss is an honorific for girls the male equivalent of which is master.

So I in fact know my history. What I am talking about is common usage nowadays. I can accept that people are going to call me ma'am and most of the time I think it is respectful but part of that respectfulness is prefaced on how old I happen to look to them. You will not find that young adult people of 21 and over call their age mates ma'am and sir. And that's because ma'am and sir to them are "old" people typically 30 and over. This is just common effing knowledge. That's why in the popular culture you have women bristling at being called ma'am. Everybody knows, even though it's not written down anywhere, that it's short hand for being past one's prime.

That's why women who are called ma'am FEEL old. Don't you get it? So do they have a problem with their age or is it really society that has a problem with their age?

Holy crap. Are you people kidding me? It is WIDELY understood that ma'am is used to indicate a woman who looks like she's middle-aged and/or on the "wrong side" of thirty. Yes, I know that it was meant to be and is used by well-meaning folk as a term of respect for a woman. But we also know that 9 times out of 10 if a woman of 23 years of age is out with her mom, at a restaurant or whererever, that mom is going to be ma'am and daughter is going to be called miss. Even though, historically miss is an honorific for girls the male equivalent of which is master.

So I in fact know my history. What I am talking about is common usage nowadays. I can accept that people are going to call me ma'am and most of the time I think it is respectful but part of that respectfulness is prefaced on how old I happen to look to them. You will not find that young adult people of 21 and over call their age mates ma'am and sir. And that's because ma'am and sir to them are "old" people typically 30 and over. This is just common effing knowledge. That's why in the popular culture you have women bristling at being called ma'am. Everybody knows, even though it's not written down anywhere, that it's short hand for being past one's prime.

That's why women who are called ma'am FEEL old. Don't you get it? So do they have a problem with their age or is it really society that has a problem with their age?

Holy crap. Are you people kidding me? It is WIDELY understood that ma'am is used to indicate a woman who looks like she's middle-aged and/or on the "wrong side" of thirty. Yes, I know that it was meant to be and is used by well-meaning folk as a term of respect for a woman. But we also know that 9 times out of 10 if a woman of 23 years of age is out with her mom, at a restaurant or whererever, that mom is going to be ma'am and daughter is going to be called miss. Even though, historically miss is an honorific for girls the male equivalent of which is master.

So I in fact know my history. What I am talking about is common usage nowadays. I can accept that people are going to call me ma'am and most of the time I think it is respectful but part of that respectfulness is prefaced on how old I happen to look to them. You will not find that young adult people of 21 and over call their age mates ma'am and sir. And that's because ma'am and sir to them are "old" people typically 30 and over. This is just common effing knowledge. That's why in the popular culture you have women bristling at being called ma'am. Everybody knows, even though it's not written down anywhere, that it's short hand for being past one's prime.

That's why women who are called ma'am FEEL old. Don't you get it? So do they have a problem with their age or is it really society that has a problem with their age?

In proper society, "Miss" is an honorific for female children. "Ma'am" is the honorific for female adults, as is the French derivative "Madame."

If you wish to be a girl, insist on "Miss."
If you consider yourself a woman, "Ma'am."
If you wish to be alone, insist on "Miz."

In proper society, "Miss" is an honorific for female children. "Ma'am" is the honorific for female adults, as is the French derivative "Madame."

If you wish to be a girl, insist on "Miss."
If you consider yourself a woman, "Ma'am."
If you wish to be alone, insist on "Miz."

If you wish to be alone insist on Miz? LOL. You must be some anti-feminist lady. That's funny. Yes, I know what the honorifics are SUPPOSED to mean. The problem is they're aren't being used that way. Women who look "young" and/or sexy are frequently called Miss, while everyone else is a ma'am. I am a woman and I insist on being called Miz because it doesn't imply anything about how old I am or whether I "belong" to a man.

And by the way, I am not alone. I am engaged to be married.

Tradtionally, you may be called Miss until you are married. Unmarried girls are only supposed to be addressed as "Ma'am" by children younger than themselves, which is where the age stigma dreives.

I am saddened by the lack of manners the "youth culture" exhorts in its attempts to demand respect for superficialities.

Tradtionally, you may be called Miss until you are married. Unmarried girls are only supposed to be addressed as "Ma'am" by children younger than themselves, which is where the age stigma dreives.

I am saddened by the lack of manners the "youth culture" exhorts in its attempts to demand respect for superficialities.

I have no problem with children calling me ma'am, and it's interesting to know that they are correct in doing so.

Was it Mark Twain that said that the day is wasted when you don't learn something new?
I'm gratified I could contribute to your day, Miss/Miz.

I get offended when people do not use ma'am or sir. It's good manners, period.

I'm 31 and it doesn't matter if I'm speaking to someone older, younger, or someone I've never met, it's always ma'am or sir.

I consider it a sign of respect. I say, "Yes, Sir, no, Sir" all the time.

No, I don't want to be called madam - or, even worse, The Madam.

I am 22 but I work part time at a pharmacy as a technician and people who are older than me calls me "ma'm." I do not hate it but I feel bad that they call me that. 1.) Because I am only 22 and look 16 (lol... ) (2.) I am not sure what to call them because I do not want to refer back to them with "ma'm." In my culture, we call our elders "uncle and aunty" even if they are not related to us. Do you think that is worse, to be called uncle and aunty by strangers?

Yes, think being called uncle and aunty, family nicknames, by strangers is worse than being called "Ma'am," a title of respect.

If you work in a Pharmacy as a tech I'm surprised you haven't been directed to address people as Sir and Ma'am.

I am somewhat confused that you have "... decades [of] experience dealing with people that have BPD and NPD, so I do speak with some understanding - although I am still learning" (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marriage/dealing-abusive-adult-child-400603-4.html#post2005718) when you are 22 years old - ?

Yes, think being called uncle and aunty, family nicknames, by strangers is worse than being called "Ma'am," a title of respect.

If you work in a Pharmacy as a tech I'm surprised you haven't been directed to address people as Sir and Ma'am.

I am somewhat confused that you have "... decades [of] experience dealing with people that have BPD and NPD, so I do speak with some understanding - although I am still learning" (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marriage/dealing-abusive-adult-child-400603-4.html#post2005718) when you are 22 years old - ?

Again, stop assuming things about me! I never said, I did not call them ma'm and sir! I just said, I feel bad when elderly people call me that because I'm so... young! I just feel awkward. Of course, I respect and value my elders! Seriously, you really do not know me and you are basically jumping into conclusions for any statement I make.

Again, stop assuming things about me! I never said, I did not call them ma'm and sir! I just said, I feel bad when elderly people call me that because I'm so....young! I just feel awkward. Ofcourse, I respect and value my elders! Seriously, you really do not know me and you are basically jumping into conclusions for any statement I make.



And you can stop typing in bold and in caps - first, you have nothing that important to say. Second, I base what I say on what you have posted. Of course, that's hard to verify when some of your posts have been removed due to content.

You seem to have difficulty remembering what you have said - You said: "I am not sure what to call them because I do not want to refer back to them with "ma'm."

I also would like to know about your age - 22 - and your "decades" of experience.

As someone else has said - I predict that your lifetime on AMHD is going to be very short.