I'm a 20 yr old female whose had 5 sex partners in the last one and a half yrs never at the same time though... I don't practice promiscuity but it's just that every time I find a guy I think I can settle down wit an things get sexual after awhile there's always sumting an the relationship doesn't work out. Do you think this is really bad?? The number of persons that is

A number is just a number and people who judge because of it are not worth time... I am not saying to go sleep with whoever, just be careful and use protection when you do decide that the time is right. As for 5 guys... thats you business. And who are we to say if its bad. Ask yourself this... do I feel I've done a bad thing? And you'll have you answer!

I do not mean to judge by anything that I say, but am saying these words to you out of wisdom judgement I have figured out for myself. One thing to keep in mind is that whether you realize it or not, we ALL spiritually bond with people that we share ourselves with. You bond both emotionally and spiritually without even realizing that you do. If you do this, it makes it hard to have friendships unless you have established this before the act was followed through. Think about every time you had a friendship with the other sex and didn't cross that line. If you were dating someone you hadn't slept with, it was simple to break up and leave as friends. This is because there was no bond made together. With every person you bond with, it makes it harder to bond with the partner you are supposed to be with. Because when you finally find that person, you always seem to regret the "past". This is because you care about the person you are currently with. I understand that we do not live in a perfect world, but that does not mean we cannot strive for it. The biggest tragedy in life is NOT learning from our mistakes. Because Lord knows, I've made my share.

I think people see things differently... a 20 year old boy has sex with 5 women

In a year and a half, they used to say he was sewing his wild outs... a conquest

Thing no commitment but... a 20 year old girl has sex with 5 men in a year

And a half, they tend to see her as being easy... I don't think you intended to

Have sex with them but that is your own business, sex is supposed to be saved

For marriage is the traditional way of looking at it... Most people don't see it

That way- many unwed mothers find out the hard way, the lessons of life are

Tough love... I hope you don't lose Mr Right cause he didn't have sex with you.

Hope you find a perfect match, and don't have to keep changing partners

Well, all that's happening is you are having sex before you find out if there will be a relationship. Its your choice if you wish to do this as you are an adult, but keep in mind as was said earlier you will get a reputation.

You don't have to totally abstain, just wait a few months after dating to take it to the next level. Likely you will sleep with fewer men but have a higher quality when you do.

What I caught from that is that you are looking for someone to share your life with and it does not pan out. Well, life is full of trials like this.

You will probably have many more short relationships while learning for yourself what qualities you are looking for in the right man. While on this search, just make certain that you stay healthy.. which means, by all means 'safe sex'. You don't want to have to regret it later.

Your choice in men will also change as you grow as this is part of learning who you are and what you want.

I would not worry about the 'count', it's that quality that counts, and truthfully until Mr Right comes along, a lot of us women have lost count... That does not make us less respectful. What counts here is an healthy attitude toward ones self.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

Hello.

Relax, it doesn't sound like your jumping in bed with every guy that says hi to you. Your getting to know the guy first or at least you think you know him before you sleep with him. The only problem I can see is your need to find yourself so you know what your looking for in a Man before you pick your Mr. Right and he becomes your Mr. Wrong. Your young and it takes time to know what you want from life. Each time you find that special Guy your learning a little more about yourself and each time you crash your also learning.

Don't look at it like your sleeping with a lot of guys, your just learning what is going to make you happy so you will know who your Mr. Right is when you find him. If you feel like your having sex to quickly then slow it down. Don't give him what he wants until you find out more about the real person.

Just remember all Men and I mean all Men think with their lower head in the first part of a relationship more then they do their upper one. IM an Old Fart and I know I do hehehe, Being older and more mature just means I have learned how to control my lower head better then the younger less experienced Men, but when all said and done we all still let our lower head take over at times. They will say or do almost to make you happy so you make them happy.

IN a nut shell, give each new relationship some time so you get to know the real Man before you see him as Mr. Right...


Dennis777

I did the same thing when I was 19... in fact during college years, almost everyone does it. Its exploring and as long as you are practicing safe sex, its healthy too.

Check out Christina Aguilera's song, "can't hold us down"

Give it a little more time to get to know them, before the sex part.

I did the same thing when I was 19.....in fact during college years, almost everyone does it. Its exploring and as long as you are practicing safe sex, its healthy too.

check out Christina Aguilera's song, "can't hold us down"And that's exactly why so many people have Herpes for example.

STIs aside, the number 5 doesn't really shock me (5 in 1.5 months would be a different story though!) And back to STIs: make sure whomever you sleep with wraps it up and that you are doing your part to prevent STIs and unwanted pregnancy... you don't want to give a gift that keeps on giving ;)

I'm curious. What exactly are the statistics for herpes? Anyone know?

I think it's something like 1 in 4 sexually active adults has had a herpes outbreak... but I'm not sure. It is very common though and can be spread through non-sexual means.

Something biggsie said, he's right: "a man has sex with 5 women in one night, he's the sh*t" but if "a woman has 5 men in one night, she is a slut". <-- I don't mean a woman is a slut if she does, but I mean his point is correct. Women are unfairly judged when it comes to the number of partners they sleep with.

It's nobodies right to judge you on how many men you have slept with. I, for one, wouldn't. The number of people you sleep with is nobodies business but your own.

Don't lose any sleep over it :)

What is your relationship with your father?

Are you in school?

What do your friends do for a living?

What is your passion?

I'll answer after you respond:

Cheers -

A

It's not a matter of number... it's a matter of the emotions, your feeling you give it so easy for anyone... which give mistaken impression about you that you are easy... you should not rush and have physical relationship with your boyfriend, unless you feel that he is the right guy... Excuse me for what am going to say... I do not mean to hurt you but do not make of yourself sex toy for everybody.. they use you for sex and dump you... you deserve much better... a partner who cares for you as a human not a body...

Ms. Redrose

I strongly recommend abstinence and for you to not be engaging in premaritial sex. But I am not your father, therefore, I can not tell you what to do. So if you are going to practice premaritial sex, be SAFE about it.
Do you realize that if guy 1 slept with 12 girls, guy 2 slept with 4 girls, guy 3 slept with 7 girls, guy 4 slept with 14 girls, and guy 5 slept with 9 girls, assuming if it were all unprotected sex that means that in a year and a half you actually had sex with
51 people assuming you to had unprotected sex. That is scary. And even with the use of a condom, I do not agree with that being "safe sex". I feel that if the scientist do not have a cure for a disease, they simply do not know it well enough to know EVERY possible cause of contracting said disease.

Hmm, gayboy, you need to be educated a little more. If you READ the answer I posted it will make since.

No, if you have sex with 5 people, you have sex with 5 people. I find it annoying when people make the assertion that "when you have sex with someone, you have sex with everyone they've been with before you." That idea is nonsense.

Also, you insinuated that condoms do nothing to protect against STIs. Maybe you should read about the effectiveness of condoms before you make people think they are useless.

Finally, your thoughts about the etiology of herpes simplex is completely off the mark. We know how it is spread, but we don't have drugs to kill it. The reason we can't kill herpes simplex is that it lives in nuerons, so to kill it we'd need a drug that can kill a virus without killing the nueron. We do have drugs available that prevent the virus from leaving nuerons, and in effect prevent the virus from spreading.

To have sex with someone just because your dating them IMO makes no sense. Think about it, you are giving a special part of yourself. Your body is something special so respect it. Don't give it to just anybody.
Take the time to really get to know a person before you give of yourself. You're 20, that is young and I'm assuming the guys are around that age.They are young too and have sex on the brain. Think before you give yourself to someone. Make sure they treasure you as a person and not you as a vagina.

No, if you have sex with 5 people, you have sex with 5 people. I find it annoying when people make the assertion that "when you have sex with someone, you have sex with everyone they've been with before you." That idea is nonsense.

Also, you insinuated that condoms do nothing to protect against STIs. Maybe you should read about the effectiveness of condoms before you make people think they are useless.

Finally, your thoughts about the etiology of herpes simplex is completely off the mark. We know how it is spread, but we don't have drugs to kill it. The reason we can't kill herpes simplex is that it lives in nuerons, so to kill it we'd need a drug that can kill a virus without killing the nueron. We do have drugs available that prevent the virus from leaving nuerons, and in effect prevent the virus from spreading.

o.k. lets just for an example here say, you have sex with 5 people. And you contract one of the more serious stds. What do you have to do? Supply the names of all 5 sex partners correct? Then when they talk to each of those 5 people, they want to know everyone that each of them 5 have had any type of sexual contact with, correct? Now, since I explained it in a little easier terms, can you see what I meant??

If you've had sex with 5 people, and you find out you have a disease... you tell those 5 people.

THEY tell the 5 or 23 or 2 people THEY have had sex with, IF THEY HAVE THE DISEASE TOO.

Or do you think people run around and tell their exes' exes about their diseases?

Whether you wait until marriage, it's simply smarter to have sex using a birth control AND a condom to prevent unwanted pregnancies and the spread of disease.

Waiting until marriage is commendable, and I respect anyone who does it---but it wasn't for me. I would have married the WRONG man if I had not realized before we were married that we were NOT sexually compatible.

I will not have the morality arguments in Adult Sexuality. Would any of you like it if I started talking about sexuality in your favorite forums (like, perhaps, Christianity)?

The Adult Sexuality boards are a place where consenting adults get advice about their SEX lives. If they wanted advice about their morals, they would have posted in a different thread.

Well if they have screwed up sex lives, that's part of it too. Adults have sex, but when they ask for advice, they need to be prepared to hear the bitter with the sweet. You ask for an opinon , you get it whether you agree with it or not.

If you've had sex with 5 people, and you find out you have a disease....you tell those 5 people.

THEY tell the 5 or 23 or 2 people THEY have had sex with, IF THEY HAVE THE DISEASE TOO.

Or do you think people run around and tell their exes' exes about their diseases?

Whether or not you wait until marriage, it's simply smarter to have sex using a birth control AND a condom to prevent unwanted pregnancies and the spread of disease.

Waiting until marriage is commendable, and I respect anyone who does it---but it wasn't for me. I would have married the WRONG man if I had not realized before we were married that we were NOT sexually compatable.

I will not have the morality arguments in Adult Sexuality. Would any of you like it if I started talking about sexuality in your favorite forums (like, perhaps, Christianity)?

The Adult Sexuality boards are a place where consenting adults get advice about their SEX lives. If they wanted advice about their morals, they would have posted in a different thread.
Yes, good valid points, but I simply gave the guaranteed results solution. That's that.

THE FLAWED CONDOM

Naval Research Laboratory (NRL) researchers, using powerful electron microscopes, have found that new latex, from which condoms are fabricated, contains "maximum inherent flaw[s]" (that is, holes) 70 microns in diameter. (9) These holes are 700 times larger than the HIV-1 virus. There are pores in latex, and some of the pores are large enough to pass sperm-sized particles. Carey, et al., observed leakage of HIV-sized particles through 33%+ of the latex condoms tested. In addition, as Gordon points out in his review, the testing procedures for condoms are less than desirable. United States condom manufacturers are allowed 0.4% leaky condoms (AQL). Gordon states, "The fluctuations in sampling permits many batches not meeting AQL to be sold." In the United States, 12% of domestic and 21% of imported batches of condoms have failed to meet the 0.4% AQL. (10)


CONDOMS FAIL TESTING

In a 1988 study sponsored by the National Institutes of Health, Bruce Voeller of the Mariposa Foundation in Topanga, California, a non-profit organization dedicated to preventing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, ranked 31 brands of latex condoms according to how well they met the U.S. and international quality assurance standards designed to ensure that condoms provide an effective barrier against human sperm. "Many of the condoms now on the market would not get FDA approval if they were required to meet today's standards," says Voeller. Although all condoms sold in the U.S.are supposed to pass quality assurance tests, those marketed before 1976 need not meet the more stringent requirements necessary to win FDA marketing approval. (11)

CONDOM CLIMATE CONTROL

Condoms are sensitive to heat and cold, yet they are not normally transported in climate-controlled vehicles. Vesey, in his study of condoms,checked 72,000 trucks and has actual photographs of eggs frying in the backs of trucks used for condom distribution. Partly due to Vesy's study, Burlington County, NJ, banned the distribution of condoms at the county's AIDS counselling center, because they concluded that the risk of liability for condom failures was too great. (17)


DEADLY DELUSIONS

In a 1990 review article by April and Schreiner, the authors summarize recent studies on HIV infection and conclude, "Recent studies on HIV prevention show the assumption that condoms provide reliable protection against HIV to be a dangerous illusion." The studies reviewed by the authors showed that the rate of seroconversion (HIV infection) associated with condom use ranged from 13% to 27% and more. (18) Frosner concludes that "Available data now indicate that efficacy of condoms has been largely overestimated." (19) In a study in Florida, where heterosexual couples used condoms, 17% of partners of AIDS patients became infected within 18 months, (20) despite the frequency of sexual relations being lower if one partner is HIV-positive.(21) Detels, et al., (22) observed a risk reduction of only 3.3:1 for those who used condoms with all of their partners, and a 1.8:1 increase in risk for those who used condoms for some of their partners as opposed to using condoms for none of their partners. This would indicate that condoms are ineffective for prolonged or lifelong protection from AIDS. (23) In addition, since 100% condom use is difficult if not impossible to obtain, the realistic number to look at would be the risk while using condoms some of the time. It is more realistic to expect teens to be abstinent (which is 100% effective in preventing sexual transmission of HIV) than it is to expect them to use condoms 100% of the time (which has an HIV failure rate approaching 100% with life-long use.) Joffe, et al., (24) state: "The association between categories of condom use and history of an STD were not statistically significant at conventional levels after adjustment for number of partners." Cohen, et al., (25) conducted a study in which patients who had contracted an STD were given a condom education course. Within nine months "19.9% of the men and 12.6% of the women returned with new STD," some multiple times. The STD reinfection rate actually increased for women. Frosner states the U.S. government has withdrawn a $2.6 million grant to study condoms because "An unacceptably high number of condom users probably would have been infected in such a study."

Why Don't Condoms Stop HPV?

Human papillomavirus differs from other sexual disease in its method of transmission; it is not spread from one person to another through the exchange of bodily fluids. Rather, it spreads through skin-to-skin contact. Since HPV is a regional, multicentric disease, it infects the entire genital area: the penis, scrotum, vulva and surrounding areas. Condoms do not cover the scrotum, nor most of the other areas that can be infected with the virus. There also tends to be contact between the anogenital skin of the partners before a condom can be correctly placed on the penis. "No known effective barrier exists that will protect the vulva or prevent vulvar transfer of the virus," according to Barbara S. M.D., M.S., clinical associate professor of family practice, University of Michigan Medical School. Adds Mary E. Verdon, M.D., of the American Academy of Family Physicians, "In the 1970s, it was demonstrated that a single sexual contact with a person infected with external genital warts carries about a 60 percent chance of transmission." However, there are several different strains of HPV that do not cause genital warts; therefore, transmission can occur without the presence of any visible symptoms. These strains are more likely to be cancerous

Bottom line is, it is not safe physically nor is it safe emotionally. Otherwise you would not be asking if it is wrong.
Your body is precious and it's the only one you have. Don't abuse it and let others abuse it. You have sex with a guy and you may be thinking "maybe there is a future with him" All he is thinking is "I want a piece of this"
A decent guy that cares about you as a person, that wants to get to know you as a person is not going to be jumping your bones right away, and he's not going to want someone who will give it up so easily.
Take care of yourself.

Yes many groups in our area have large bill boards warning of condom failure and listing various web sites.

It is stlll better than nothing and about all that we have so for those having sex please still use them, but don't expect them to stop all transfers.

Well, I never stated that condoms were 100% effective.

But it's ALSO been proven that teaching only abstinence hasn't cut down the transfer of diseases or the rate of pregnancy in teenagers.

I realize that morality is part of sexuality--but the answer isn't always abstaining from sex, either.

Personally, I would say that as long as you have true respect for yourself, and true respect for your partner - and that means taking precautions, and being honest about past encounters, and getting tested for STIs, and all the responsibility that goes with having sex--then that's all the morals you need.

Fr_Chuck: could you provide me with complete list of the works you cited? I want to read the articles for myself. In case you don't know how to properly cite a source, you need to include: the author(s), year of publication, title of article, book/journal in which the article is found, volume number, and page number. Without all of that information, I cannot search the article in a reasonable amount of time.

Just to point out a flaw I've already seen in your post above: although there are pores in latex that are (in theory) large enough for sperm/HIV to pass through, semen cannot pass through. Sperm and HIV suspended in semen cannot pass through those pores, meaning that there is little risk of transmission.

a number is just a number and people who judge because of it are not worth time....i am not saying to go sleep with whoever, just be careful and use protection when you do decide that the time is right. as for 5 guys...thats you business. and who are we to say if its bad. ask yourself this...do i feel ive done a bad thing? and youll have you answer!


I cannot judge a person, but I do believe that sexual intercourse should be left for after marriage, that must sound difficult but being a cristian for me it is not. I don't think bad or good should be judged by how you feel in any situation.

It sounds like you do not have strong self-estem.
If you were more confident in your choices you would commit to them.
I would recommend taking a little time off and asking yourself what qualities
Would you want to be with - with one guy - for at least 6 months.
Then go SLOWWW... if it works out - it works out. If not, at least you tried
And didn't feel like anything that came along might be better than the last.

I am glad you are in a good spot with your dad... mom too I hope.
You are young. School is most important right now.

I'm 20, and wanted to wait to have sex until I was married, but a mixture of hormones and alcohol and a great relationship with my boyfriend screwed up that plan when I was 19. But, I have had 3 other boyfriends that I went to "third base with". I set standards for myself... gave myself rules. I never kissed them unless we were an official couple, if they tried to kiss me before then- I told them I wouldn't do it unless we were officially together. Then I gave myself a few months to go any further with them. The time I gave myself got shorter as I got older though. And I also stay away from promiscuous and overly flilrty guys- total turn off for me.

GIVE YOURSELF BOUNDARIES!