My daughter is 4 now, she was born in VA. Her father was not present at the time of birth and only claimed his child after a paternity test I paid for. His name is not on the birth certififcate but we have been amicable for the past 4 years. Our current "agreement" verbally only, nothing legal, is he has her every other week and provides insurance for her through his work. There is no child suppport paid either way. We each take care of the bills for her at our own houses. He has been providing insurance for her under his last name which he has never legally changed.

The time has come for her to start preschool and I would like to remain amicable but need to know my rights. I would like to be as fair with him as possible and remain amicable but I am asking for the following:
He will keep insurance on her and file appropriate name change
He can have visitation at his supervision every weekend (if possible), major holidays (except Christmas, Easter and Birthdays (we will switch yearly) and as much as possible during school breaks with extended times during the summer.

Is this fair and what are my rights?

First I'm kind of confused concerning him changing his last name? Who's last name are you wanting changed and why?

Everything sounds completely fair.

Bottomline... if he is not on the birth certificate and you both have done nothing through the courts he has no parental rights at this point. The ball is totally in your court. So you can call the shots and hope he agrees to them. If not he would need to take you to court for set vistation rights. If he does do this, it would be in your best interest to attach child support to that case. But right now there isn't much he can do as far as "rights" goes, at this point he has none.

His name is not on the birth certififcate but we have been amicable for the past 4 years. Our current "agreement" verbally only, nothing legal...
In this way he is not an acknowledged father i.e. legally he is not her father.


He can have visitation at his supervision every weekend (if possible), major holidays (except Christmas, Easter and Birthdays (we will switch yearly) and as much as possible during school breaks with extended times during the summer.

Is this fair and what are my rights?
Wait a minute... fair for who?For him,for your daughter or for you?
About your rights-in your situation you have rights to decline all his efforts to have visitation or to accept them.He does not have standing to ask for anything.He has to establish himself as a father.

I'm also confused as to whose name is changed. I'm also worried about the insurance issue. As mentioned, legally he is not the parent since he is not on the because and there is no legal custody agreement in place. This means that the insurance company could disallow his including her as a dependent.

I'm also worried about the insurance issue. As mentioned, legally he is not the parent since he is not on the b/c and there is no legal custody agreement in place. This means that the insurance company could disallow his including her as a dependent.

Very good point Scott!

You both need to go to court and get a legal and binding child custody agreement and a child support agreement.
And without a child custody agreement, his insurance company as noted can not in most areas cover her. He can list her and may have her on it, but if they find out there is no custody order they can have a right to deny the claim latter.

It sounds fair to me. As far as the name change and insurance thing, I'm not sure there's really an issue. A policyholder doesn't have to have the same last name as a beneficiary, just proof that she's an eligible dependent. Of course, the father may want to go to court and get a formal visitation order established. That shouldn't be necessary as long as you two come to and abide by an agreement but he always reserves that right.

Thanks to all for your help! It's working out pretty well so far!

Great, but what and how is it working out?