Hello
My ex-girlfriend left me when she was pregnant with my child 12 years ago. I just located her after all this years of no contact whatsoever. She got married about 10 years ago. My son was not adopted by the step father to my knowledge. Even thou I would love to meet my son, I have to think about the welfare of my own family since I'm married with 3 kids. Before I contact her, could you please let me know what could be the worst case scenario in terms of possible child support or any other financial matters?
Thank you

Are you on the birth certificate?

Hi Macksmom

The answer is NO for certain.

Well as of this moment then, you have no parental rights as of now.

I am sadden that you might possibly not meet your son because you might be asked to pay child support... I do hope you change your mind.

But anything can really happen... I mean you both have moved on with your lives... both are married etc. Things may be as simple as you getting in touch with her and asking to meet your son and her agreeing.

But it may get very messy as well. Since you are not on the birth certificate she (the mother) can deny you seeing your son. In this case you would need to get an attorney, file for a paternity test, be added to the birth certificate, and get visitation rights. She may very well at that time, file for child support, which will be back-dated to the day the child was born.

Hope that helps a bit.

That's a very tough decision. As much as I would love to meet my son, I'm still very worried with the outcome which could possibly end my own marriage due to possible financial struggle.

Does your wife know you have another child?

I told her at the beginning of our dating. But I haven't told her that I was searching for my son and she doesn't know that I found him. She doesn't like her life to be desrupted in any form, so I decided not to mention it since there is a chance that I will never make that call.:(

While I agree somewhat where Macksmom is coming from that it's a shame you may not get to know your son, there is legal issue here. Since you are NOT on the because, after 12 years, you may not have any rights as the parent. You may not even be able to force a paternity test at this point. On the other hand, it is possible that she could get the courts to hit you with 12 years of back child suport.

You NEED to consult an attorney to advise you here. There are too many legal issues for us to be of much help.

I think I will tell my wife about it so we can make a decision together.

True... with it being so long it might be a little too late. If when she got married she could have wanted her husband to adopt the child. Since you are not on the birth certificate, and you said you haven't had contact in 12 years... she could have easily notified papers of her intent to have the child adopted... and when there was no response she would have been able to go along with the adoption. If that is the case, unfortuantely there is not much you can do.

But with the huge time lapse and attorney would be your best bet... but I think you already know what you're going to do... :(

I know what I would like to do, but my wife wouldn't go for it.

But let me fantasize for a sec.:)
Assuming I call her. She doesn't request support and somehow she allows me to see my son. Could my son, assuming he wanted to do it, after he turns 18, request my name to added to the B/C(which would be a blessing)?

It would be good to discuss the issue with your wife, however, if you find out you do still have the right to request a paternity test, and to see your son I would not let child support be your deciding factor. You need to think about when you son is older, and maybe his mom will tell him about you... if he comes looking for you and finds you, as you did him, do you want him to know you found him and chose not to see him because you didn't want to pay child support?

This is your son... I hope everything works out.

I would assume he could have you added once paternity was established... you would both have to have a DNA test and you could take the results to have the birth certificate corrected. I ASSUME this would be the case.

Child support is only an isssue that could affect my wife in a very negative way. As for me, even thou I haven't even met my son, I would give my right arm for him to know that I'm his father, and a father that cares for him.

Macksmom, thanks for been in there. It's great to have feedback from a nice woman like you. This is a very emocional matter that sometimes only women can grasp the entire scope.

No prob :)
I do understand where you are coming from as far as not wanting to cause problems in you marriage... but as your wife, she should understand the importance of the father-son relationship, and should want that for you. :)

I am FOR father-child relationship but I cannot immagine what will happen if the judge says"Pay retroactive child support"-it will be 24 months of his income and it would destroy all.

What are you doing?:) I'm starting to get convinced by you.:D
I think a possible very positive outcome far outweights any financial obligations. Thanks

Jee... JV just punched me back down:(

The possibility does exist for back child support. Especially for the tome from birth to her marriage. But I think its remote. She ran away from you. She made no attempt to contact you, If she was on public assistance they would have forced her to contact you for support.

On the other hand I think she wants nothing to do with you. And will not welcome your intrusion into her life or your sons.

Jee....JV just punched me back down:(
I am not JV-I am GV-my first name is George:p
Jay,I really hope you will have good luck and success... but I know how strange can be judge's decisions... believe me-I have been working in this area for 15 years... :)

Jay16 it will not "destroy all"... I do think it's important you sit down and talk to your wife about it all. Or sit down with yourself and think about all the pro's and con's... is getting out of a monthly child support payment really worth never having a relationship with your son?? Is that something you want to teach you son or your own children, to not own up to their responsibilities? Are you willing to risk your son knocking at your door 6 years from now and asking why you weren't there?

And you have to realize too... we are looking at the worst case senerio... your ex hasn't come after you for child support in 12 years... maybe this will all turn out totally different... again, I don't think anything can be a "deal breaker" when it involves meeting you son.

Scottgem.. I know what you saying but at that time we were just two inmature people. Basically she got pregnant, freaked and ran to her parents for support, forgetting I was the other part of the equation, no matter how much I tried at that time to convince her to stay and work it out. It was just a very sad conclusion for me back then.

Jay16 it will not "destroy all"
Really?What about if the judge orders Jay to pay 144 months support /month support is about 20 % of income/for 3 to 6 months and after that if he does not pay the whole sum he will be send to spend some time in jail?:confused: :confused:

By the way guys... sorry for start to get personal. I'm getting out of the topic.:o

By the way guys...sorry for start to get personal. I'm getting out of the topic.:o
Jay-your question is not personal only... Your question refers to the law.:)

GV.. I wish I had two heads like you, it would help me decide.:p

Really?What about if the judge orders Jay to pay 144 months support /month support is about 20 % of income/for 3 to 6 months and after that if he does not pay the whole sum he will be send to spend some time in jail?:confused: :confused:

These are all the "what if's"... from personally being in a child support agreement and having multiple problems with non-payment I know they can only take a certain percentage of his income and no more, they have to allow "x%" of his income for his own living... based on the amount of back support the order will be adjusted to pay "x" amount over the original amount to catch up the arreage. As long as the order is followed no time will be spent in jail. My daughters father will be paying well past her 18th birthday to catch up his back child support.

I totally disagree that Jay pursuing a relationship with his son will "destroy all".

... and I feel myself OBLIGATED to say all good and bad things.

... as I did... I informed him about the possible outcomes of the mother being able to deny him seeing his son because as of right now he has no parental rights; I informed him about the possible outcome of having to get an attorney, get a DNA test, and get visitation; I informed him about the possible outcome of having to pay back child support for the last 12 years...

With all the "possible outcomes" I believe the relationship he should have with his son outwieghs any of those possibilities... and I don't believe any of those possibilities will "destroy all".

These are all the "what if's"......from personally being in a child support agreement and having multiple problems with non-payment I know they can only take a certain percentage of his income and no more, they have to allow "x%" of his income for his own living....based on the amount of back support the order will be adjusted to pay "x" amount over the original amount to catch up the arreage. As long as the order is followed no time will be spent in jail. My daughters father will be paying well past her 18th birthday to catch up his back child support.

I totally disagree that Jay pursuing a relationship with his son will "destroy all".
Sorry but you are far away of the Family law.You HAVE TO understand that there is NO time limittation for child support awarded and also there is NO limitations for collecting of this support.

There are a lot of examples where court imposed back child support for 18 years... and these arreages have to be paid up to 3 years

And you forget one IMPORTANT thing

The new husband is able to prove that he was the primary"financial' caretaker

In this way ha has ALL RIGHTS to ask for reimbursement for all his expences if Jay is trying to establish his paternity

The law requires that the parents are responsible... and I am prety sure he will winn a trial

Unfortunately I am not going to keep arguing with you GV so you can comeback with a post that is 5 sentences long and separate them into 5 different posts.

Good luck Jay... I hope it all works out for you! :)

AND FINALLY-I am not againstJay,he has my acclamations.

But I feel obligated myself to inform him what will be able to happen.That is all.

Unfortunately I am not going to keep arguing with you GV so you can comeback with a post that is 5 sentences long and separate them into 5 different post
I have a very bad internet connectionNow I am located in East Europe:p

Macksmon and GV... I appreciate the argument and I believe you both are right. This is a coin with two sides. In the end of the day I have to decide if I want to flip this damn coin.:(