I know and believe what my purpose in life is,
Do you know yours?
And whatever you believe, could you please explain how have you reached this conclusion?

Thank you in advance for all your thoughts! :)

This is just out of curiosity as there are different ways of thinking and this forum has people from all walks of life and from different countries and beliefs.

Hope to hear your thoughts!

My purpose...
It is so easy to tell other people what I think their purpose is in my eyes, but my own purpose, well, I think I am still figuring it out. Maybe I will never know until I am on my death bed. But, When the time comes (not that I am not doing this now) I want to volunteer my time for the needy and to children that are needing that little extra touch to make a smile form on their face. Even if it for one moment, if I can make that difference, that is what it will be..
For now, my purpose is to raise my children, take care of my husband, and love people that I come in contact with. And clean my dang house, as it always seems to be in need of some sort of cleaning!
Peace be with you all. Peace be with your purpose! And hugs all around!
Startover22

I believe my purpose in life is to fulfil all rightousness :)

My purpose in life to raise great kids.

My purpose in life is to be the best person I can be, and to give and receive love.

Thank you, for your contribution,but I was hoping to hear an explanation of how each one of you came to the conclusion?
:)

Thank you, for your contribution,but I was hoping to hear an explanation of how each one of you came to the conclusion??
:)
Like things that have happened to us to make us do what we want to? Or actually feel like we have a calling rather?

Like things that have happened to us to make us do what we want to? Or actually feel like we have a calling rather?

Hey Start,

Both what happened to make you believe your purpose is as you believe or if you think you had a calling then I would love to hear about that too.:)

Thanks

Divorced parents, having a step mother (a selfish one), brothers and sisters, drugs, being permiscuous when I was young, not for fun but maybe for the love, (still haven't figured that one out), having children of my own, getting married, and there are so many more people and things that have come about in my life to make me think I out of give a helping hand. Not only the fact that it helps people but it helps me.
It has been this way since I was little, I have had dreams of myself being a giver, I have had dreams of myself doing good things, while I was asleep and awake! So, for last I would like to say even though I am very confused about my faith sometimes... I honestly think God has played an enormous part in my life, I have been tested to the limits, with near death, rape, child abuse and all, I have a feeling if it weren't for God, and my prayers to him (whether people think he doesn't or does exist) my prayers helped me through things to make me feel like I had someone by my side. THE WHOLE TIME!

My purpose in life to raise great kids.

Explanation: Actually having kids.
I really don't sit down and ponder 'what is my purpose, what is my purpose', I simply live my life. There's enough to keep one busy with house, wife, kids, job, social life, family, sports, etc.

I think the point of life... well there is none. Were all thrown on this earth to figure stuff out, learn and grow on our own. What you end up like is random. There can't be a point to life when so many people get the short end of the stick and everyone else gets the better deal... called ufair unjust and pointless lol. You wake up, do daily things, have a laugh and then go to sleep. Do it all again the next day.

Explanation: Actually having kids.
I really don't sit down and ponder 'what is my purpose, what is my purpose', I simply live my life. There's enough to keep one busy with house, wife, kids, job, social life, family, sports, etc.

Hey NeedKarma,
I agree we don't sit and ponder what our purpose is... which is why I asked the question in the first place,some of us know right away what we were meant to do, while many others are in a state where they have no idea what it is they wish to accomplish or they are required to do...

I am hoping to hear a lot of different views.
NK Thanks for sharing:)

What if you had no job, family life, sports, wife, social life, etc.. Than what would your purpose be? YOu would have plenty of time to think about it then, right? I guess the point is, why are we here? To work and pay bills just seems kind of an empty life. To enjoy your family and spend time with them, maybe that is what you meant? If it isn't your purpose, than why have a family at all?
Start, you do inspire me so much to find joy, even in the worst of things. Thank you for sharing that.

Long time ago, sweet, and like I always say... Love is All Around You. It was even there through all those times! You just have to look and them BAM it get's you.

Aww Firm, I am so touched by you sweet.

What if you had no job, family life, sports, wife, social life, etc.. than what would your purpose be? YOu would have plenty of time to think about it then, right? I guess the point is, why are we here? To work and pay bills just seems kind of an empty life. To enjoy your family and spend time with them, maybe that is what you meant? If it isn't your purpose, than why have a family at all?
Start, you do inspire me so much to find joy, even in the worst of things. Thank you for sharing that.

You too are an inspiration for those who know you well and know how far you have come since you called yourself shatteredsoul.

That is a purpose in life, to build better lifes for ourselves, to rise up from hardship, to find the courage to move on...
These are what gives life meaning.

I've had so many blessings since God reminded me I had the free choice to follow his path, and just do a few simple things.
To take care of this world so our children will have somewhere to live, and pass a good place on to their children, and help them know how to do that.

What if you had no job, family life, sports, wife, social life, etc.. than what would your purpose be? If that's your situation then I'm sure you've found a different answer to his question. I simply posted mine. I'm sorry if are uncomfortable with it but it is my life after all.

I've had so many blessings since God reminded me I had the free choice to follow his path, and just do a few simple things.
To take care of this world so our children will have somewhere to live, and pass a good place on to their children, and help them know how to do that.

Hey Earthman,
I agree the hard part is ""help them know how to do that"..


And NK I am a she, just for your info:D

shatteredsoul agrees: Nothing is random, we choose our reality as we choose how to live in it.

That is your point of veiw. I personally think everything in life is random. Many people can't choose their "own reality" they get stuck living in something that has no meaning or point. Like I said you wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed just to do it the next day. Boring if u ask me.

Like i said you wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed just to do it the next day. Boring if u ask me.That's 'cause your life revolves uniquely around yourself. Other than your job you probably have no other responsibilities and people that you socialize with.

That's 'cause your life revolves uniquely around yourself. Other than your job you probably have no other responsibilities and people that you socialize with.

I haven't got a job because if you must know we don't have money for a second car, hubby works 24/7 and I clean house. So what if I don't have anything to do? That makes me a bad person? I talk to my hubby when he's not at work and gives me the time of day. Don't sund all wise if you don't know me, I was giving my honest opinion. And why don't I have any friends othr then my fiancé? Because when I left school they left too because they weren't real friends. You make it sound like I'm selfish.. how? I think more of my finace then myself. I'm offened to even be called selfish. You don't know me.. and the horride life I had or have still in some ways.

This reflests how I feel about my point in life. Right now I have none, or if at all its to do the bidding of my fiancé who's never around to begin with. Hopefully that will change someday.

You said your life is boring - hey life is what you make it.

I havent got a job because if u must kno we dont have money for a second car, hubby works 24/7 and i clean house. So what if i dont have anything to do? That makes me a bad person? I talk to my hubby when he's not at work and gives me the time of day. dont sund all wise if u dont kno me, i was giving my honest opinion. And why dont i have any firends othr then my fiance? Because when i left school they left too because they werent real friends. You make it sound like im selfish..how? I think more of my finace then myself. I'm offened to even be called selfish. You dont kno me..and the horride life i had or have still in some ways.

This reflests how i feel bout my point in life. Right now i have none, or if at all its to do the bidding of my fiance who's never around to begin with. hopefully that will change someday.

Hey Ray,
Sorry to hear that your life seems bleak to you... Hope you find your path to peace (peace of the soul that is.. )

Mine is not as bad but there are times that get me down, but I just look at the bright side...
I have my senses intact as yet,I am healthier than most I know,and the best part is that I believe in a life after death and I hope I am working towards a wonderful life in the Hereafter... :)

Hey Rayne, I don't think you are a bad person and I don't think you are boring. I think you are stuck in a rut and frustrated with your situation. You seem lonely and isolated from friends and that is a difficult thing to endure. Part of what I meant by choosing your reality means, whatever you want to see is true is and however you see yourself and your life, become your reality. I think things will get better, and I am sorry you are struggling and working so hard. It is so difficult being young and married. Maybe find small ways to enjoy your life for now, or to work toward something you would like to do. Anyway, you have friends here and they can support you and help you get through the difficult times until things begin to get better. I sure hope they do.

Yes, Rayne, you sure have friends here to help you along your way... I have a few suggestions if you want to hear them, we can start another thread for it though cause it doesn't belong here... Just PM me if you want to talk. Hugs, Start

Purpose in life... I used to wonder why I went through all I did growing up and how I came to some of the jobs I had. While they were good jobs and I learned quite a bit, it did not seem to me to fit my long term goal, which was to be a psychotherapist. I did not get my PhD that was SO important to me. Instead my path lead to working in hospitals and also with children and adults with developmental disabilities and well as people with emotional disorders. Got married, had children, worked, home, etc.

Then I met the little boy who was to become my youngest son and he was in such need of a family who accepted him just as he was and all that he was. The light did not go on at the first meeting but the second weekend he was with us the bulb switched on and I realized why I had been where I had been in life. It was a preparation for Brandon. He would need everything I had learned and then some. I do not get it "right" all the time, by no means am I the perfect Mom, but with the grace of God, I do my best. I know someday Brandon will be more independent of me, either in a group home or in his own apartment with 24 hr staff. May I have my best.

Everyone has a purpose in life. When you find and are fulfilling yours you feel complete and life runs smoothly.
The Key is to find your path in life
Create a personal mission statement. Having this gives you a template of purpose which can be used evoke clarity about the path you choose to follow. Use the information you have come up with in the previous steps of this process. Find ways to orchestrate your life in a manner which supports your mission.
Reach out to others who may be able to help you in creating your dream. This includes family, friends, or someone who has a job you aspire to. When in doubt, think about how you could do something instead of why you can't so you begin to see the limitless possibilities the universe can provide to help your life run smoothly. Have faith when you ask for assistance in understanding and realizing you dreams, miraculous events can occur.
Whatever you choose to do-DO YOUR BEST AND BE WILLING TO WORK YOUR WAY UP!;)

My purpose is to be a Bible teacher and to take the Word of God to whoever will hear it. My story is a long one in which Jesus Christ had been wooing me for years and after 49 years and having not accepted Him, He took action and came to me personally. He commanded me to study the Bible for 5 years and then He opened the door for me to lead our Bible class. Since then I have taught the Bible in two countries. I am currently teaching the Bible on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 6 P.M.

How I came to understand my purpose, is an ongoing process for me. It began with becoming a mother for the first time and with all of the love it brought out of me. I felt so incredibly overwhelmed with joy when I held my daughter. I felt God's love for me and a new love for myself. I realized I wanted to be a good person and to show her how to love one another. This way she can use her gifts wisely and create a world that is more compassionate and kind. I have had many struggles and heartaches along the way. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it has been dragged through the mud several times. I learned that people are sometimes going to be hurtful and disappoint me, but that doesn't mean that they are bad and I don't have to take it personally. I learned through loss that being attached to things isn't helpful and letting go is easier on the soul. I experienced much grief and sorrow during the deaths of loved ones and I learned I have to let go of anger and forgive those who don't understand the pain and anguish they cause. The experiences in particular don't matter, but how I grow and evolve from them do. I am continuously trying to understand myself and become more aware of how I should live out my purpose. Hopefully, I will make my children proud and leave them a legacy of love.

No clue.

All that I can say for sure is to quote something I read once about what the purpose of life is... "The purpose of life is a life of purpose".

All that I can say for sure is to quote something I read once about what the purpose of life is..."The purpose of life is a life of purpose".

That's a nice way of putting it..
A life full of good purpose!

The purpose of life is to procreate and perpetuate itself... period.

The purpose of life is to procreate and perpetuate itself ... period.

Chek,
Not to sound dumb, but could you elaborate on "perpetuate itself"?

Thanks

The purpose of life is to procreate and perpetuate itself ... period. You may be right.

I figure my purpose at the moment is to just live, basically because I can't see it leading me in any sort of direction

i figure my purpose at the moment is to just live, basically because i can't see it leading me in any sort of direction

Albear,
You sound a little lost,
Hope you find your path to peace...
As that is what each of us searches for knowingly or unknowingly...

Albear,
You sound a little lost,
Hope you find your path to peace...
as that is what each of us searches for knowingly or unknowingly...

Yea me too,but I've lost my compass which makes things difficult

yea me too,but ive lost my compass which makes things difficult

I am willing to lend a helping hand as you search for your compass.
Just ask :)

OK then you look left,ill look right




(seriously though)

Albear,
I was being serious about the helping hand,you just need to ask if you do need help...

Yea, soz if you thought I was mocking u, I think ill search by myself for a while,

Thanks for offering though

I believe my purpose in life is to be the best I can be, always improving myself,being a better human being,
To work more for the hereafter and less for this temporary world which we call life.

To work on always being a better mother, a better wife, a better friend...
I may fall,but it is up to me to get and get going..

chek,
not to sound dumb, but could you elaborate on "perpetuate itself"?

Thanks

Firmbeliever, you are not dumb. Just wanting more information. Let me explain, I'm a weird duck. At least I have never come across someone like me... not that I'm this great shining example of humanity... just different than most in my beliefs and perspective... no doubt somewhere out there with my kind of thinking, but I stick by it, regardless.

I will try to clarify what "I believe" about the purpose of life. Life in EVERY aspect, form or shape seeks to perpetuate itself... to maintain it's own species. Else their wouldn't be as many species as there are. All species seeks to survive! I can see no point to species compartmentalization, otherwise.

Of course most humans prefer a more lofty explanation that that the only purpose of life is species survival. So life (a cunning fellow) built in a few elaborate tricks to disguise that fact. This allows the human psyche to accept and/or prefer other possibilities more readily. A few neat tricks are spirituality: procreation, and perhaps death awareness. There are others less obvious but these I feel are the top catalyst behind that little walk we all take as we go from point A to point B. Life's little helpers: emotions, aided and abetted by a strong need to be part of the "pack" help in keeping with life's plan.

Would you not prefer to believe in a higher purpose? Of course you would. But quite frankly, we are no more privileged than a tulip.

Btw, I do not possess a degree and didn't graduate high school which by the way I believe to be a good thing having limited exposure to institutional teachings. I just tend to look around and look deep into things and what's behind them even beyond the Nth degree. And from such observations I concluded the above. I hope this does not offend you. I'm a good person, feeling my heart ache everyday as I witness the carelessness with which we treat each other.

Firmbeliever, you are not dumb. Just wanting more information. Let me explain, I'm a weird duck. At least I have never come across someone like me ... not that I'm this great shining example of humanity ... just different than most in my beliefs and perspective ... no doubt somewhere out there with my kind of thinking, but I stick by it, regardless.

I will try to clarify what "I believe" about the purpose of life. Life in EVERY aspect, form or shape seeks to perpetuate itself ... to maintain it's own species. Else their wouldn't be as many species as there are. All species seeks to survive! I can see no point to species compartmentalization, otherwise.

Of course most humans prefer a more lofty explanation that that the only purpose of life is species survival. So life (a cunning fellow) built in a few elaborate tricks to disguise that fact. This allows the human psyche to accept and/or prefer other possibilities more readily. A few neat tricks are spirituality: procreation, and perhaps death awareness. There are others less obvious but these I feel are the top catalyst behind that little walk we all take as we go from point A to point B. Life's little helpers: emotions, aided and abetted by a strong need to be part of the "pack" help in keeping with life's plan.

Would you not prefer to believe in a higher purpose? Of course you would. But quite frankly, we are no more privileged than a tulip.

Btw, I do not possess a degree and didn't graduate high school which by the way I believe to be a good thing having limited exposure to institutional teachings. I just tend to look around and look deep into things and what's behind them even beyond the Nth degree. And from such observations I concluded the above. I hope this does not offend you. I'm a good person, feeling my heart ache everyday as I witness the carelessness with which we treat each other.

Thanks chek,
For sharing your thoughts.

And I for one do not look at one's qualifications from school or college, I like to hear people's real life experiences.Some I believe are more smarter than institution learners.
The hard knocks in real life tends to shape some for the better while others whither away.

I do believe in searching, and finding true Peace, and everyone should keep searching...
I have found my path to peace, the hard work will be keeping to it and finding my eternal peace at the end of the path.:)

Firmbeliever, I am closer to point B than I am to to point A, which places me strongly in the center of a very crowded arena for those "who want to know like NOW!" Meaning those of us who are trying to make sense of it all... especially those that are pretty near done with life. Oh, I have a ways to go, yet, but when there are more of your dreams behind you than in front of you, well... whether you know it or not, you're already done.

The only sense I can make of... let's say, "my life" would almost have to touch upon the realm of God. Let me explain: I was thinking the other day about how we tend to get smarter as we get older. The thought crept into my head after having read an article whereby the author posed the question, "How come we can't remember the future, but only the past?
The correlation for me being "getting smarter as we get older." I wondered about that. If one thinks back on their life, I'm sure they can summon up some regrets, maybe a few happy stances as well. The point I'm trying to make is, often as not, when there's regret, it weighs on your heart like an oak tree. You wonder how could you have been that stupid, or that careless as to have made or done such a terrible thing/mistake? When I start recalling some of the bone-headed things I did, I placate myself by thinking, "Ah, but I know better, now?" And that's the line that got me thinking -- why know better now? Why not before? But then we wouldn't make mistakes, would we? Utopia? A definite no-no. That would certainly put a kink in life's plan, wouldn't it? Seems almost like there's a lesson thing going on, here, don't it? Then again ... and I can come up with these "then again's" all day ... I counter with, "S' probably another one of those "tricks" good o' life likes laying on you, girl, just to keep you guessing: searching, moving on, and doing till your body hits the floor. Then again... just kidding... :)

Firmbeliever, I am closer to point B than I am to to point A, which places me strongly in the center of a very crowded arena for those "who want to know like NOW!" Meaning those of us who are trying to make sense of it all ... especially those that are pretty near done with life. Oh, I have a ways to go, yet, but when there are more of your dreams behind you than in front of you, well ... whether you know it or not, you're already done.

The only sense I can make of ... let's say, "my life" would almost have to touch upon the realm of God. Let me explain: I was thinking the other day about how we tend to get smarter as we get older. The thought crept into my head after having read an article whereby the author posed the question, "How come we can't remember the future, but only the past?
The correlation for me being "getting smarter as we get older." I wondered about that. If one thinks back on their life, I'm sure they can summon up some regrets, maybe a few happy stances as well. The point I'm trying to make is, often as not, when there's regret, it weighs on your heart like an oak tree. You wonder how could you have been that stupid, or that careless as to have made or done such a terrible thing/mistake? When I start recalling some of the bone-headed things I did, I placate myself by thinking, "Ah, but I know better, now?" And that's the line that got me thinking -- why know better now? Why not before? But then we wouldn't make mistakes, would we? Utopia? A definite no-no. That would certainly put a kink in life's plan, wouldn't it? Seems almost like there's a lesson thing going on, here, don't it? Then again ... and I can come up with these "then again's" all day ... I counter with, "S' probably another one of those "tricks" good o' life likes laying on you, girl, just to keep you guessing: searching, moving on, and doing till your body hits the floor. Then again ............................. just kidding ............. :)

Chek,
There's a belief in my faith that "If I had/had not" is a term that Satan tries to emphasise in our life, Satan makes us regret the things we did or did not do until we feel so bad about our past that it takes us near ending our life right NOW.

What I believe is that all of us makes mistakes ,we learn from it and become a little better than we were before and discontinue that mistake as we already know the result of it.Some do not realise the mistake and continue on a path to self destruction.

About remembering the future, we do not remember it because we have not lived it,but the past is where we have already lived and experienced.
As I do not believe we come into this world a second or a third time,but the only life we have is now in this present time,after death we are in another place,and we never could return to this world to right wrongs or correct mistakes or to live a better life or to be a better person.We only have this one chance in life.

In searching for peace, we have many obstacles in life, some get over the hurdles while others give up.If you Chek are still searching then you still have a life,but when you give up the search then it will be as good as you being not alive(Dont you think so?).

As for me personally I know I am on the truth,and would wish for those searching to know the truth I know and understand and accept the truth before our life ends,because I know and believe that ultimate peace cannot be had in this worldly life,but it can come only after our death when we find out the fruits of our labour we did in this world.

I hope I am not confusing you more than clarifying.I must say I love discussing this with you... :)

Chek,
Theres a belief in my faith that "If I had/had not" is a term that Satan tries to emphasise in our life, Satan makes us regret the things we did or did not do until we feel so bad about our past that it takes us near ending our life right NOW.

What I believe is that all of us makes mistakes ,we learn from it and become a little better than we were before and discontinue that mistake as we already know the result of it.Some do not realise the mistake and continue on a path to self destruction.

About remembering the future, we do not remember it because we have not lived it,but the past is where we have already lived and experienced.
As I do not believe we come into this world a second or a third time,but the only life we have is now in this present time,after death we are in another place,and we never could return to this world to right wrongs or correct mistakes or to live a better life or to be a better person.We only have this one chance in life.

In searching for peace, we have many obstacles in life, some get over the hurdles while others give up.If you Chek are still searching then you still have a life,but when you give up the search then it will be as good as you being not alive(Dont you think so?).

As for me personally I know I am on the truth,and would wish for those searching to know the truth I know and understand and accept the truth before our life ends,because I know and believe that ultimate peace cannot be had in this worldly life,but it can come only after our death when we find out the fruits of our labour we did in this world.

I hope I am not confusing you more than clarifying.I must say I love discussing this with you...:)


Firm, I think it's great that you have a strong "belief" system in place, and I can see in your thoughts that you are fully committed to it. With one such as you, the answers come wrapped up a lot neater than mine does... someone like me with this snow-globe brain full of bombarding inquiries that every now and then allows one to slip into the slot where an "almost" resolution can present itself to me. Since I know enough to know that we don't know everything, and never will know everything, no resolution can ever truly be resolved beyond question... not to my mind, it can't. That's what all that discombobulating in my head is all about. I am sure you have some questions rattling around upstairs as well. No?"

You got it half right; I AM searching. But not really for answers, my search is for satisfaction which of course is stuck way out there at the other end of the stick along with the carrot.

You see I got rhythm ... I got the rhythm of life, down. I know the beat, I may not know the lyrics, but I know all the major chords, and they all start with discord. Like the song says, "Into each life, some discord must fall." (well, it really doesn't say that). But that's what I take issue with. I particularly don't like my dissatisfaction with the now useless meanderings that weave their way in and out of my every new day. Here is where the music really hits some sour notes. And yet, I STILL can't make out THE WORDS!

It is illogical to me why one at this point in time could move thru life: come so far, survive so much, and not learn one blessed thing worth a hare's breath, not the slightest clue, not one lousy hint to suggest even one syllable of one word of the lyrics to the ambiguous song called "life." It's mind-watering to me! Not to mention, irritating. Is the goal to keep us diminutive? To remind us how God-like we are NOT? At whose feet then shall we kneel? Why not tit for tat? Placate for placate? You give me, I give you. What's wrong with that? This I can live with! Not this lead wall that won't let us see anything beyond it. I dislike that it makes me feel subjugated.

So you know the truth. That makes you one of the rare. The satisfied. But then couldn't that be interpreted as your being more done with life than I? Because, as another song I know, still says, "I can't get no satisfaction." LOL!

As for not remembering the future, why not? The future rides on the tail of yesterday, doesn't it? Kind of like the way night ignites the day, right?

Chek-
"But then couldn't that be interpreted as your being more done with life than I?"

No, it cannot, in fact I cannot be even considered having done or faced much in worldly terms.
I have lost people due to death,but no more than anyone else.I have had my share of doubts but very little compared to most. I have had an easy life, in which I have faced my own fears and hopes but have not faced as much hardship as many I know.
I have had a relatively healthy life,have settled into life with my own family.

That being said, I have my quirks and need self improvement all the time,isn't that what growing up and maturing is about?

About being subjugated,
I love submitting to the Almighty,trying to follow only His guidelines, as in it I find peace, I find that I am a better human being and through it I am working for a better afterlife.

I have my questions too, maybe not as many as yours, but I get answers even if they are not as neatly wrapped up as you think.It is an ongoing search,work and learning for me too,but unlike your situation I know what may lie at the end of my path.

But if you do find the truth, how will you know it is?Are you searching for any particular answers to your questions.

I do admire people who survive through adversity and question and find their path to peace(someday)

Chek-
"But then couldn't that be interpreted as your being more done with life than I?"

No, it cannot, in fact I cannot be even considered having done or faced much in worldly terms.
I have lost people due to death,but no more than anyone else.I have had my share of doubts but very little compared to most. I have had an easy life, in which I have faced my own fears and hopes but have not faced as much hardship as many I know.
I have had a relatively healthy life,have settled into life with my own family.

That being said, I have my quirks and need self improvement all the time,isnt that what growing up and maturing is about?

About being subjugated,
I love submitting to the Almighty,trying to follow only His guidelines, as in it I find peace, I find that I am a better human being and through it I am working for a better afterlife.

I have my questions too, maybe not as many as yours, but I get answers even if they are not as neatly wrapped up as you think.It is an ongoing search,work and learning for me too,but unlike your situation I know what may lie at the end of my path.

But if you do find the truth, how will you know it is?Are you searching for any particular answers to your questions.

I do admire people who survive through adversity and question and find their path to peace(someday)

Yes, I know you have had a relatively easy life. Well, we are on opposite sides of the coins in that; I have not. Guess you assumed as much judging from my dissatisfaction. I think if someone keeps you pinned to the ground with his foot in your neck for 99 point 9 percent of your life, when he finally takes it away, I doubt you will jump to your feet and start singing anyone praises anytime too soon. There has not been a time, nor will there ever be a time, when I have or will come up singing. It is my way to spread my feet firmly in place and brace myself for the what I know will come next, and I will meet it shoulder to shoulder with everything in me.
No, I'm not about to accept subjugation to anyone or anything. Not now. What will that change if I did? Will my path be strewn with roses... now? Big deal! I put out a buck and get back a penny? Hey, I gave at the office!
Ok, so I have anger issues; I already stated that when I first came on this board.
Do you know what bothers me most about that? The fact that I KNOW that... that I am AWARE of it, and know nothing can, nor ever will change it: not from the soul's eyes that views and faces things the way I do.
I wake up every morning at war. And it is from that stance I get up and face my day, ready to go toe to toe with it if need be. Of course, I know there can never be a victory here, because all you can win is "futility." Still, the jaw tightens, the brow lowers, and my feet hit the floor, firmly, "ready" to confront the new day.
I think about this sometimes when the room is dark and clarity is hidden in the gloom with me. "Why bother?" I ask myself.
"Because it will win, if you give in." I answer.
It's as simple as that. And I won't let it win, and I will not give in! I also will not hound my heart and mind and dwell on my discontent, either, but rather I will channel it, let yesterday's passion be drained, let it seep out my fingertips and into the things I can create with my hands. I COULD take a hammer and choose to smash rather than create, but then I know that is the way it expects me to go, so in defiance, I go the other way -- we artist types wear our belligerence with aplomb. No, no malice in my mallet, I lift it instead to fashion things of beauty, soul candy. That is part of how I fight my subjugation. Who, how or what you feel subjugated to matters not... what matters is how you see it, react to it, and how you deal with it. So, yeah, we are on opposite sides of the coin; it's just that I've been looking at it from the ground up, you've been looking at from heaven.

Chek,
I am sorry to hear you had such a tough life and that you are still struggling to find you.

I agree with you that no one will start singing praises when one realises they are free from the fetters holding them all their life.

Please do bear in mind that what I say is not meant to belittle your hard life or to make your experience seem trivial.
I admire those who persevere through hardships and find their own niche.

What I do believe is that those who have experienced hardships and sadness will value peace more than those of us with an easy life,because they know where they came from and what it is to be on the other side.

About looking down from Heaven,
I have no guarantees of being there... I just work for it and leave the judging to the Almighty.

chek101, It wasn't that long ago that I shared your view from the ground, and challenged everyday that I woke up. What a rush it was to answer to no one no how. One day I looked around and saw all that I had created (kids)looking at me, and trying to do what they saw me do and in that moment realised where my purpose lay. Not in pleasing myself and spitting in the wind, but to be thoughtful of my actions and make a path albeit small for those behind me to follow. To do what ever I could to give them a better chance than I had. Now I sit and watch with utter amazement, at what they do, and are doing with the ones that follow them. Truly satisfying to say the least.
Firmbeliever, The day I stopped the fighting and stepped aside, and let the God that I understand work in my life was the day I found a real purpose to life. Where I was so powerless before, and still am, I know where true power lies, and can tap into it anytime. Life is much easier when your purpose is defined and easier to take a stand, because you know what your purpose is and the path you must take to get there. No more wandering in the wilderness, afraid of what comes next.

Thank you Talaniman,
You sound very wise...

I agree with you, when we know our purpose in life,it just makes it easy to let go and let God,while we try to do the best we can with the life we have.

I believe our children teach us so much more than we teach them.

chek101, It wasn't that long ago that I shared your view from the ground, and challenged everyday that I woke up. What a rush it was to answer to no one no how. One day I looked around and saw all that I had created (kids)looking at me, and trying to do what they saw me do and in that moment realised where my purpose lay. Not in pleasing myself and spitting in the wind, but to be thoughtful of my actions and make a path albeit small for those behind me to follow. To do what ever I could to give them a better chance than I had. Now I sit and watch with utter amazement, at what they do, and are doing with the ones that follow them. Truly satisfying to say the least.
.

I guess you didn't read my intro. My kids are rotten, thoughtless and selfish as would be expected from a parent who gave them everything she had. Sacrifice? Plenty! And I used to think it was worth it. Now I don't. I can only hope they have kids just like them. They are the reason behind some of my anger issues, my husband added some to it as well... people in generally capped it off -- so-called friends and such. Now I keep to myself up here in this small congested three room apartment, sitting here at my book-cluttered desk that barely allows sufficient room for my computer. I do however have the one backyard view of trees and birds, God's lesser(?) creatures which is about all I appreciate. I rarely see people back there and bristle when I do because I don't like my scenery messed up.

You think I am not thoughtful of my actions? My hand is always the first to be offered, STILL! It is because of the abuse I suffer through, that I tend to empathize with others all I can. From time to time, I try to impart a small wisdom to them, my favorite being, "Don't have kids!" And I mean that whole-heartily. Now you are thinking, "Wow, she really hates her kids!" Yes... and no... I am a mother after all, and as such am chained to my maternal instincts, a mother's love and all that. But where did that get me? It got my life flushed down the tubes; that's where it got me. I gave up all one human being could possibly give up for her rotten kids including every last dime I had. I gave up my life for them! Are you hearing me? I GAVE UP MY LIFE!
You take the fire in your soul, and try sitting on that your whole life, and let's see how much of you is left after that... that which it did not consume. Fire both consumes and feeds itself; I am between the two and as a result am a bit jumpy. Meaning I have a quick temper that doesn't seem to have a middle; it just goes straight to unchecked rage, ie: my screen name "Chek." I'm NOT proud of that; it hurts me, because it goes against a side of me I lost a long time ago and had been trying to get back to ever since, though I now know that is a lost cause. I got remade without my knowledge or compliance; and so I want to strike down whoever or whatever made me into what I am today.
Do you think I will accept a profit? Now? Wasn't it the profit who led me to this forgotten (should be) place. Didn't I love with all my heart? Again, and again? Didn't I give and give and give and sacrifice, and bend, and kneel till my back gave out and my better spirit got ripped from my body?
You people think because a door opened for you, all is right in your heaven. And it is... in YOUR heaven or so I would image it to be, and image is all I can do at this point. But what if you were led to locked doors over and over and over again, that can't be opened by you? And what if those doors move farther and farther away with each regressive attempt you make to enter... till you can no longer see them, anymore? Where would your fervent heart be, then? Would you smile like me, in spite of it? I see... acceptance then... nope... nada... no way Jose. You see, I've learned to ignore the pain in my knees (from leaning on all those rocks).

I'm OK with it now... so OK... maybe not, but lets just keep that between you and me.
I do cry a lot, surprisingly often between loud laughter. I do though keep the scale tipped towards laughter, and that's what I've reduced the game to: in the words of A. Lincoln. "Most people just need to make up their minds to be happy." That's how you beat the game. Works for me.

Chek,
I did read your other post and I know how hard it must be, but in my heart I know that each one will be given their due when the judgment Day arrives.

I would just like to let you know that in my belief mothers are to be respected even when they not from our faith, for they bore us in hardship and pain and helped us be who we are.
Most Mothers have it the hardest,the pain of childbirth,and the heartaches of everyday sadness the children face and in return when children turn around and ask "what did you do for us that we have to be grateful for?"
Grown children sometimes forget that we were once helpless and it was our parents that helped us know this world.

I really do hope Chek, that you find eternal peace.

I am saddened to see such anger and sadness coming through here. It is obvious that you are in such incredible pain. I am not sure I ever experienced it with my own children this way, they are still young, however I know my mother did with me. SHe did sacrifice her whole life for me, when she didn't even want to be a mom or a wife. She saw me as the lock and chain on her future and that I and my dad kept her from what she wanted to achieve in life . Eventually she left and became who she needed to be to feel good about herself and accomplished in her career. I understood her frustration and I always sensed the distance between us. Now things are better, different, but for many years she was so depressed. She tried to kill herself, suffered from anorexia and withdrew to the point of complete silence. I think it is good that you are getting out all of these emotions and feelings so that maybe after they are released, in some small way you can let them go, a little at a time. I don't know what the relationship is with your children, but if they are what you say they are, it is something you created out of a desire to give them the best you could. Maybe you nurtured a dependency and selfishness in them, because you thought it would make up for other things. IT doesn't really matter. What matters is getting yourself to a place of feeling OK about who you are and where you are going. The past doesn't really count now, what counts is this moment. YOu are being honest and while I think being happy is a choice you have to make, I think you still need to resolve some other issues to find peace within. NOt all of us have the traditional view of God or Heaven. If you look through other posts you will see that. We aren't here to judge you and we have all come here to deal with some personal pain we are experiencing. There is no lack of sadness or despair here. Yet, there is support, guidance and hope that you can find as well. You reaching out this way, is a positive thing. If you continue to expose yourself and be honest, you will find others that feel similar or that understand your feelings.
I don't have any answers but I wanted to reach out to you and let you know that while you feel cramped and angry and alone, in that apartment, you are not. WE are all intrinsically connected in some way, either through our pain, our loss, or our experiences. We are all human and we all have the need to be loved. You are no different, and neither are your children. Anything that they have become, can be changed. IT may take time and energy and some help from others but it can change. Usually young people have to get out of themselves to do for others, to become better people, actually, we all do. If you want me to continue I will. I don't want to add to your anger, I just want to be a source of comfort during this struggle and chaos in your life.
NO, life isn't easy for any of us. There is always someone who has it worse or someone who has it better. WE don't have to judge the experiences that we have, just learn from each other and try to find better ways to cope with this life that is so mysterious and somewhat daunting at times. I am not anyone with any certainty in anything, but I am here to share with you whatever I hold in my heart, if you feel it may help you in anyway.
I wish you peace...

Thank you Shattered,
That was a beautiful post,so full of who you really are inside...

If you are a firm belieer than you have to believe that God has placed you on this earth for a reason. And that you are called to do a work inhim, whatever you enjoy doing that is your calling from God. For me I believe my talent is singing because when I sing people are moved, some cry others smile. When I speak people listen because I have a way of telling a story that makes people smile. What is your gift? Whatever it is use it to his glory:)

So, I possess no beauty then? You have never seen the things these hands have created: all the paintings, the portraits, the rock that became an angel, the wood that became a carriage. You have never seen the tens of thousand of photos I took of mother, child and earth. Tell me, did the wind race beside you as you sped down a dark highway, keeping you company, playing with you? Can YOU hear the whispers in the trees? Why, I can hear the sound the sun makes! No beauty then, is it? Why? Because I don't share your myopic views? So be it... goodbye... long life to you.

So, I possess no beauty then? You have never seen the things these hands have created: all the paintings, the portraits, the rock that became an angel, the wood that became a carriage. You have never seen the tens of thousand of photos I took of mother, child and earth. Tell me, did the wind race beside you as you sped down a dark highway, keeping you company, playing with you? Can YOU hear the whispers in the trees? Why, I can hear the sound the sun makes! No beauty then, is it? Why? because I don't share your myopic views? So be it .... goodbye ... long life to you.

Chek,
If you are painting or doing anything artlike, I would love to see it(start another thread on your interests and we can share the things you love to do:)).

I try to dabble in art and crafts,but I love to watch and admire others work.

And I love nature and enjoy it whenever I can...

:)

NO we never have seen them but that doesn't mean we aren't interested. Obviously you have so much beauty and talent within. Please don't go away, we aren't all saying the same things here. I know you are angry and probably wincing at the thought of all this love coming your way. You possess so much and yet, you keep it in... why not let it out. Why not share it with all of us. We are interested in your gifts. That is a great idea, start a thread about things you have done with your special talents and unique talent with your hands. I do not have such a talent but I would love to learn about yours... Please don't close your heart to those that are trying to reach it.. just give us a chance.

I too can hear the whispering of the trees, the are saying something all the time, yet we rarely listen...

Shattered, thank you for your interest. I have a suspicious nature so I tend to question the extended hand... easy when I do it... not so easy the other way around. Someone once told me, I know how to give, but I don't know how to receive. Maybe so. But... do you like poetry? I wrote only 4 poems in my entire life... all in the same week nearly 10 yrs ago. Here is the 2nd poem I wrote. You will know the sound my sun makes, now.

THE SOUND MY SUN MAKES

Was that one? I can't tell; it was too feeble to be the
Sound my sun makes. Where is that strong, sonorous beat
To aim my waters, red my rivers? Shivers, these.
Streams no more, but rocks that squeeze
Amid the freeze that holds them sway, colds my day.

Can my sun's song warm the long, deepening rift
That canyons them? I fear its lilt less steep. Then in
What can I depend to fen my shores if not my sun's
Rhythmic neap. I, alone, can't melt the floes, make
Them go; the sound my sun makes is their tow.

And why does the wind speak in slow whispers?
Each murmur, a hint of last breath. I need the sound
My sun makes to breathe the words the wind won't let.

Did the rhythm end, then?
When? No! This can't be so, because I know
My mortal lives! My trickle yet gives me dispatch.
Though I must wait till they congregate before
I will know, exactly... all... that is so.

Some fjords tell me the waters of the looking place
Run freely from my mortal's scan. How can that be when
My rivers freeze, caught and seized in death's cold cram.

When colder comes the numbing bore,
My mortal's waters pour the more,

Perhaps the mind-kind thinks a better sun then the one undone,
But to trust the imagination is to paint in arbitration
With a palette one color short of reality. Yet...
My mortal doubts me? Works hard without me.. . still.

Where is the sound my sun makes; where are my seas?
How can I please my mortal, or to be precise, life my mortal
Without these. Beat, I beg you. Beat for ease of me
Beat I beg you, beat in spite of me.

SO eloquent and beautiful... thank you for sharing that with me. I am still internalizing all of it.. so I am somewhat speechless. KEEP going, you have such beauty in your words.

Shattered and Chek,
I think you found a kindred spirit in each other, both of you have a way with words and think so deeply...

Thanks Chek for sharing.

I have to admit that I don't like poetry, which is why I don't write it anymore. But I do like to write. Writing is just another form of creativity as far as I am concerned, just one not so messy as all the other endeavors I delve into. I carve, whittle, do portrait work in beads, and on canvass, as well as knit, crochet, tat, and weave on a loom. But my passion is building. I don't like painting and barely tolerate the bead work. Oddly, my paintings were received with tremendous enthusiasm (entered a show once) though people were shocked when I said I don't like painting, including my kids. I prefer building. I like the smell of sanded wood. I liked working in the yard on my old work table (an old rickety picnic table left out in the weather all year round). I kept it right outside the door of my workshop (pre-fab barn in my backyard); I loved that beat up old table. She was riddled with a whole mess of saw cuts from projects I built over the years, but she held up right till I moved and had to leave her behind. We had some grand times, she and I. Those were great, years for me though short lived. They were the best and happiest years in my life. You see, I didn't start building until I was fiftyish or so... I had no idea that I could build such wonderful things. I had been separated from my husband a number of years by then and was slowly starting to discover who I was and what I was capable of doing. He never let me express my creativity in ANY form thinking that a cookbook should be my only form of interest, outside him, of course. When I discovered that I could build anything, and I mean "anything" I felt like I could do magic, I could open the door to the past and have a look-see around, because the things I liked building mostly dealt with the past. I love the past, and I already miss the future, but I don't like the present.
Have you ever sat in an old English coach? I did. I built it myself. A beauty she was!! I lined her interior with a plush, red-pressed velvet material layered in rosettes. Beautiful, just beautiful! What an awesome feeling I got being privy to take a step back, sitting there that coach in my driveway... wow... sigh!
Anyway, that's my passion. Nothing else comes close.
I don't know if I can drop pictures in here, but if I can I will try to put a picture of the coach in here. Let's see what happens... brb! Nope, it won't let me. I didn't think so anyway. You can't post pictures on this board I guess.


I'm glad you liked the poem though, I don't write poems anymore. I was forced into writing them in the first place as a kind of homework assignment or I may have written the four I did write. The one you just read was the second poem I wrote. Here is the first:

TWILIGHT

Come Day, my old friend;
It is twilight, and
I am impatient to feed.
See, our long table is already set
With your day's fading cloth
And my deepening horizon.

Sit there... in my evening!
Lean back, and
Rest your reality
Against my cushion of dreams
While I night your day.

We are empty now,
My bowls and me,
Transparent from the lack of you.
We need the glow of you
And your sun's saffron streams
To give us substance.

Come, Day,
Let the barter begin.
To shelter you
From that high hung fire,
I will give you
My cloak of changing shadows,
But you must give me your clarity
That my night's obscurities
Be less steep.

Bid your hot daytime star
Run its rivered rays
Into my cup,
That I might inhale its warmth,

And I will give your eyes to drink.
I will place before them
For you, a rare anisette,
A bubbly bucket of stars
Chilled in a wine
Of moon beams.

Come, touch my cheek
With your warm tips,
And I will cool your blow
With my night's breath.
Come, Day,
Let the night begin... the day.


I actually like this third one; it wrote itself in less than 15 minutes:


KOOL KATS
Reign in the rusty gutters above yesterday's meal
The one-eyed drummer whites the littered stage
Where drops of gray play hot jazz
To a discarded audience of tin and paper diary
Soup cans tap their browning feet
Used up words swell to the sweet
Sop of be-bop liturgy
And all through the night
Cardboard lips rap out riffs
Of rectangled harmony

... this one speaks about heavy rain hitting the garbage inside my pails outside my window early in the AM one morning. It woke me up it was so loud and made me go to my computer and write it.

Oooops, sorry about the typos; I never bothered to learn how to type, but I can pick and peck pretty fast... too fast, i.e. all the errors.

Chek,
If you are painting or doing anything artlike, I would love to see it(start another thread on your interests and we can share the things you love to do:)).

I try to dabble in art and crafts,but I love to watch and admire others work.

And I love nature and enjoy it whenever I can...

:)

I did try to post a picture of the cannon, but now I can't even find what they did with my post that shows the artwork I just now posted. This web site is hard to get around in. Do you still see that post, firm?

Yep.. Saw it all
Beautiful work.

But not the cannon.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/member-discussions/some-artwork-131219-2.html#post621589

It has been moved to member discussions,but if you wish it to be in Philosophy you could PM the admin and request if it is possible.

Chek101, Okay I'm going through your intro, and other things you've posted, and you are truly talented. Now maybe your children are,, (insert expletive) but you are truly blessed. I just don't know why YOU don't see it??

Chek101, Okay I'm going thru your intro, and other things you've posted, and you are truly talented. Now maybe your children are ,,,,,,,,,,,(insert expletive) but you are truly blessed. I just don't know why YOU don't see it???????????????????


Tal,

Well, maybe because these gifts(?) have primarily been a source of tremendous discontent in my life. My husband wouldn't let me do anything that didn't involve a mop, a broom and floor wax, actually anything in the kitchen. He was Ralph Kramden to a tee. When I first started working you'd swear I asked for a trip to Paris. That man's eyes used to bug out of his head every time I went out the door to go to work. And God forbid I wore a short skirt! Once he actually ripped one right off my body just as my hand reached the door knob. That was the first and last time I ever wore a short skirt.
He b-----d when I was painting, telling me "Why can't you take up, cooking?" Mind you, I only did 2 paintings in the whole 15 some odd years we lived together. After he finally left, then I had my kids on my case. It just was never easy for me to do anything I wanted to do. Finally I gave up and did NOTHING for years and years.
It wasn't till 30 yrs later that I next put a brush to canvas. Oh, I did some trivial things before then... for work, built some practice machines that helped people keep their jobs, but only when asked to.
By the time I developed wahonies (lol) and did exactly what I wanted to do, I didn't get to enjoy it for long before it was yanked out from under me... that bliss lasted just 3 years.
No one can ever know how much I enjoyed those 3 years, the summers, the getting up at dawn so I could squeeze in as much time working on my projects before heading off to work. And I don't care how hard I worked on those projects, the harder I worked, the more it put a bounce in my step. THAT was the only time I truly felt gifted.

At that time I worked the 5pm shift till 1:30 am. I would work on my projects right up till an hour before I was due in work. I took many a 2 minute shower in those days and zoomed out the door with my hair still wet. Sometimes I got so involved in what I was building, I would forget all about the time completely. Once I rushed into work with sawdust in my hair, eyelashes full of little styrofoam balls, and woodpuddy stuck to my hands, still wearing the clothes I was working in. How I LOVED IT!!

Another time... LOL... I appeared before a promotion panel (for an upgrade to Supervisor) in an even messier condition, just add paint. I forgot it was that day and I would've been late if I took the time to change, so since I really didn't care whether I got the promotion or not, I went to the thing as is. No... I did not get the job, but I did have a lot of fun! The expression on the panelist faces when I walked in was priceless.

Anyway, that was my bag: BUILDING. So what happened, what stopped it? And here's where the irony comes in... my heart stopped me: heart attack. I am now a life-long "heart" patient and I am not allowed to climb ladders or haul lumber. Best part of this is my heart has the nerve to be broken. Makes good sense to me!

Btw, 2 psychics told me I am "special." I made a bracelet with the words
"special1" carved into it to remind me about that. 'Bout all it does is irritate me because it reminds me that the shot was took... and the mark was missed. I stopped wearing it.

Chek,
WOW,
I have deep respect for you, for getting where you are after all that happened.
Now I understand why your children disrespect you, they learnt from their father,first hand by seeing how he resented you, they unknowingly took on this same stance.

I am sorry...
But then you would not be who you are without all that past... that is what it is, the past and that fashioned who you are today.

Please do keep sharing,maybe it will help... in some little way.

Chek,
WOW,
I have deep respect for you, for getting where you are after all that happened.
Now I understand why your children disrespect you, they learnt from their father,first hand by seeing how he resented you, they unknowingly took on this same stance.

I am sorry...
But then you would not be who you are without all that past....that is what it is, the past and that fashioned who you are today.

Please do keep sharing,maybe it will help....in some little way.

I understand what you are saying and I understand talking it out helps. That's what therapist do... they let you talk till you drop. Hey... it works!

But you know Firm, the past is not in the past when the actions of the past preside over the present.
I just have a hard time with this having to sit on my hands which is the way I feel whenever my kids are around. They treat me like I'm this non-entity of no value. I feel like I have to do whatever they want me to do just to be acknowledged by them. Between you and me, I would much rather smack out the whole lot of 'em! That's why the need to sit on my hands. LOL!

For the love of Pete; just give me a strong heart, some wood, a good hammer and a nice string of sunny days and I will have already found my heaven.

Just an idea Chek...
You love using wood, why not try your hand at making miniature in wood,
I am guessing that the bigger ones take more energy out of you and is back breaking work especially with your condition.

Just an idea Chek...
you love using wood, why not try your hand at making miniature in wood,
I am guessing that the bigger ones take more energy out of you and is back breaking work especially with your condition.

Firm,
I did try to do some small things but like the paintings I rarely finish them. It's just not challenging enough for me. Building the large stuff challenged me plenty! I got no help from anyone whatsoever. To work the heavy stuff I always had to first build another set of hands, meaning a hoist or pulley system. The cannon wheels weighed 95 pounds each! The T-Rex stretched all the way from my back fence to my front gate. She was in full gallop mode, head down and full out running. I only got as far as her middle backbone structure before it was destroyed. I was building her in three parts: middle backbone structure from head to tail, (head alone was 5 ft long), the left side rib section from head to tail, and the right side rib section from head to tail. I built the middle section out of the lightest wood I could use - furring strip and wiggle wood -- because I had already considered having to deal with getting this thing off the ground and making it stand erect. And since I only had me to do that with, I had to keep the structure light … just to make sure the whole business STAYED TOGETHER when lifting it, upright. I had to tie a series of lines to several strategic points along the whole length of the rickety structure, then I gathered up all the lines and PULLED! It took several slow minutes to get the thing off the ground and into a standing position as the structure was extremely unstable and threatening to break apart the farther from the ground, it got. I did get her to stand, though And intact! Then I built the scaffolding all around her.
That was as far as I got when the heart thing kicked in. My kids got rid of the structure while I was in the hospital, and let me tell you I was really, really angry about that. There went 5 week’s work down the tubes. They were against my building it, OR ANYTHING FOR THAT MATTER, and now they had an excuse to get rid of it. Every year, they’d ask, “You’re NOT building anything this year, are you, Mom?” It was more of a demand than a question. No support what-so-ever from any of them.

Anyway … that is what I mean by being challenged. I liked the figuring out part most: HOW to get done what I knew had to be done. The designing of the project was easy; the “doing” was the challenging part and the fun part I enjoyed most. You could take and throw the piece away after it was finished for all I cared, the fun was over. It’s about the building. It’s about the challenge of the building.

My son THE B-----D is a builder, he manages huge construction projects. He is very wealthy, and he is the biggest b-----d there is when it comes to me! His friends love him though! I’m not with him for more than 4 seconds before the downgrading starts. How odd that he is the one that is most like me. If I could, I would like to reach into his chest and rip my gifts right out of there. Where would he be, then. Mostly, I avoid him. Tho I do miss the baby. His first son was born this August.

Thank God for my bike; that bad girl uses up some of my time, too; she is motorized and a barrel of fun (picture below) to ride. Me, and Tabby go riding everywhere. I bring my camera with me hoping to come across an interesting shot. We are quite well known in town. The days lately have been just too beautiful for words and since they are dwindling down, I try to get out and ride as much as possible, in fact am going riding, now.

Chek... you are wonderful... and special. I just love your outlook. Have fun with the bike, looks like a good ride anytime!

YOu are a survivor and a true strong spirit. NOTHING has taken you down completely. NOT the heart attack, or the abusive husband, or your kids. I do think you need to still teach them to treat you differently, maybe by responding different? I don't know. I also don't know how you can undue what they learned from their father. Try not be angry, it doesn't help your heart at all. Realize that the years they had with your ex is emblazoned on their souls and some of it has been learned. They may never change but you have! You are free from that abuse. THat is a blessing in and of itself. I think the hardships you encounter have taken their toll on you, your spirit and your body. Do not think that your body wasn't trying to give you a message, it was. Life is short, we never know when our last day is.. at least you still have those gifts, even if you have to utilize them differently. I think you are such a unique person with so much to offer, you remind me of an artist before your time. Years from now maybe your work will be famous like Da Vinci! You never know.
I am sorry I didn't respond to your other post, there was a lot of drama going on and I had to retreat for a bit. But I enjoyed your artwork immensely and I think you are doing very well on here, getting your feelings out. Firm is right, it will help you heal if you continue to share and vent everything. Then it cannot sit and build inside of you, and hurt you to your core.
So many people that will care and help you here. YOu have a lot to offer to others as well.
I am glad that you have stayed with us... YOu will find it to be very healing to be around these people. They have helped me heal a great deal, even though my troubles were nothing in comparison to yours, my heart has suffered pain and loss, and I am beginning to feel more positive and strong within myself. I hope that it happens the same way for you on here.
Thanks for opening up your world to us, it is fascinating...
Maybe one day your kids will recognize what kind of mother they really have... I will pray for that.

Chek...you are wonderful....and special. I just love your outlook. Have fun with the bike, looks like a good ride anytime!


Start,
Thank you for your caring words. That's really all it's about, isn't it? Caring for and about each other. I have always believed in that. Other than on this board and on September 11th (I'm a New Yorker), I haven't seen much of that being passed around. I have always helped people, AND animals. But honestly, I noticed every time I do, I really do get punished for it. Not that it'll stop me from doing it, because it won't. It's my nature, and that's not going to change.

They may never change but you have!! You are free from that abuse. THat is a blessing in and of itself. I think the hardships you encounter have taken their toll on you, your spirit and your body. Do not think that your body wasn't trying to give you a message, it was. Life is short, we never know when our last day is. Maybe one day your kids will recognize what kind of mother they really have... I will pray for that.

Shattered,
Yes, they have. You sound like a kindred spirit... as one who has suffered soul wrenching hardships as well, and for that I am sorry. It further makes me appreciate all that you have said, and learned. I just don't think there is much about my life that I can do anything more with, that will make me feel like I did anything worth doing. I feel like my whole life is a complete waste and no matter how I look and look, I just don't see the space I occupy as being of any significance, nor will it be missed should it blink out.

I'm not sure what is going on with me, I only know I feel this deep, deep sadness inside, and it's just not about ME and what's going on in my life, it's also about the things I see going on outside my life... in the world. It seems mankind hasn't learned a thing other than to justify their malevolent actions more strategically with even greater lies.
Greed rules: America is the land of the Greedy, the home of the free -ly taken, and I am sorry to say I don't see the majesty in our flag anymore.
Nobody fought harder than me for our veterans. I am the reason why Audie Murphy finally got a stamp. Took seven years of fighting for me to get it (shame on you America), but I got it done! Imagine having to fight 7 yrs to get this country's most decorated soldier of WWII, a stamp? Meanwhile there's stamps of flowers, movie stars and A-Bombs.

I don't know, I seem to be losing patients with people. Every time I hear an ACTOR got voted into a position of extreme power (Reagan and The Terminator) I worry about what is to become of us. Well I know what's becoming of us, we're becoming sheep led by a wolf. I worry about the downgrade of what USED to be a great nation (no longer perceived that way by many countries now, you know). What does that matter? The nation isn't going anywhere... WE ARE! ALONG WITH OUR FREEDOMS!

That's just one of the flies in the soup; I'm afraid of how all this is affecting our children. Greed and family don't go together because Greed is a solitude creature and unfortunately it is all that our leaders are teaching our children. Yes, I know, we are after all Capitalists. Money people. No more "Hallowed be thy name" in school. The division begun. Sit-down dinners almost non-existent, fly-bys are in... and it's the sit-downs that are so vastly important. The dinner table is sort've like the United Nations... where we greet each other, mend the wounds we put upon each other, heal together, and strengthen bonds. Where it is absent, so absent is unity.
You don't see the disintegration of family? Why would my kids be the only ones to escape its "separatists" undertow when so many others succumbed to it? I don't hold out hope for them, or them with me. Today, this is what it is. Now is when a solid "belief" system, ANY belief system, would help out greatly. I don't have that. All I have is my stubborn, eyes-wide-open doggedness, and an understanding that moments are precious, and all I can do is try to make all my moments, magnificent.

Hi Chek. I'd just like to say, You da bomb, gal! A badassed 'lectric triker mama! Who loves to build big old sculptures out of wood, no less. I'm really sorry about what happened to the T-rex. I'd have loved to see her.

On a more somber note, yeah, life is full of disappointments large and small. But I look at all of them as creative tests. If we can't make something positive out of them, we have to settle for mediocrity. Some can do it, some can't, and some would rather die than fail at it. I salute your pluck, and I love your work. Carry on, and don't waste your time worrying about the purpose of life. You've got more important things to do.

Now is when a solid "belief" system, ANY belief system, would help out greatly. I don't have that. All I have is my stubborn, eyes-wide-open doggedness, and an understanding that moments are precious, and all I can do is try to make all my moments, magnificent.
Belief systems are way over-rated if you ask me. I like your approach and I think it will get you farther than any belief system. You've already learned what belief systems (at their best) have to teach--moments are precious so make them magnificent. You go, girl!

My purpose is to own the reality I create and co-create with others, to walk my path with as impeccability and integrity, and to assist those I can assist along the way.

My purpose is to own the reality I create and co-create with others, to walk my path with as impeccability and integrity, and to assist those I can assist along the way.

Thank you for sharing your views.