First off, I'm 26 and my hubby is 34. We've been together for 5 years and have 2 babies together. The problem is, he is very disinterested in sex. We have sex on average about once a month or once every two months! He works long hours out in the heat and I'm sure that zaps his sex drive during the week. Also, he has gained a little weight over the years (about 25 lbs) Not that I care, I'm still just as attracted to him as I ever have been. My question is, on the weekends, any suggestions for me to get him more in the mood. I'm willing to try anything to get our spark back!! I've tried dirty pictures, hinting around, and just flat out asking for it. All to no avail! I'm not thinking about leaving him, but a little bit more nookie would be nice!

Hello.

How about making his day / night a little more exciting. The next time you go to the mall or out to dinner wear a dress with nothing under it. Don't tell him until your out of the car in the parking lot walking in. Whisper to him that your naked under your dress just for him. If you can do it, give him a quick flash of your bottom or take his hand and let him feel that your naked under your dress. During the outing make sure you remind him in any way you can that its all for him but not until you get home. Make him wait as long as you can before you go home, even if you have to stop at a few quick stops to get something. If he is alive he will be so worked up by the time you get home he will be wanting to take you in the car on the way home hehehe.

If you want more just let me know.

Dennis777

Tried it before. No luck. Any more suggestions?

You need to find out what turns him on the most... everyone has their triggers. Like someone here recently said drop him a note... tell him you aren't wearing socks... and your underwear matches. If he packs a lunch slip it in there.

Its hard to guess not knowing what sort of things turns him on.

If my last idea didn't work (and it has brought back the spark in a lot of couples I have help over the years) we need to look at this in another way.

Is he on any kind of med's. Has he had a real complete check over from a doctor in the last few years. Many times the lack of sex drive is from med's or a medical problem.

The chances of it being him not finding you sexy or him being tired or lazy doesn't hold true if your doing special sexy things for him. Men react with their lower head at any age so if your flirting with him he will react, Trust Me.

Dennis777

Not a doctor but 25 lbs in 5 years and loss of sex drive sounds like there are less obvious issues here. Has anything happened to him that could contribute to depression?

Hi hdawson,

Well you could start the day off with some sexy texts to him (telling him all of the things you would like to do to him/him to you). Than get a sitter, meet him at the door in your best teddy. Take him to shower, help him in the shower ;-). Than take him to the bedroom, and make all of the texts that you sent that morning come true. **Just remember, it doesn't have to happen on a day that he works, you could do it on the weekend also.**
Just send him to the store or something, so that you can text him. Or for that matter, write it out in an e-mail, send it to him... that way he has something to look forward to on the weekend!

Just some thoughts, hope things work out for you!

If my last idea didn't work (and it has brought back the spark in a lot of couples i have help over the years) we need to look at this in another way.

Is he on any kind of med's. Has he had a real complete check over from a doctor in the last few years. many times the lack of sex drive is from med's or a medical problem.

The chances of it being him not finding you sexy or him being tired or lazy doesn't hold true if your doing special sexy things for him. Men react with their lower head at any age so if your flirting with him he will react, Trust Me.

Dennis777


No he's not on any meds. He's always been very modest when it comes to his body... even when we first started dating. For example, if we took a shower together it was with the lights off. Do you think he's lack in libido may have something to do with a low self esteem?

Well a low self esteem could hurt anyone's sex drive. And you did say that he put on some weight, sooooo that could be the answer to the problem.
If that is the case, than all you can do is try to make him feel better about himself. But don't do it too much, cause than he may catch on to what your doing and it may make his esteem even lower.

Ok, so here's an update... we're getting a sitter for Saturday for the whole night. We're going to have dinner at our favorite restaunt and club, then we're getting a room at the marriot. Friday, I'm going to Fredricks of Hollywood(to get something naughty) and getting one of those body wraps(that make you lose inches). If this doesn't work I don't know what I'm going to do!!

Ok, so here's an update....we're getting a sitter for Saturday for the whole night. We're going to have dinner at our favorite restaunt and club, then we're getting a room at the marriot. Friday, I'm going to Fredricks of Hollywood(to get something naughty) and getting one of those body wraps(that make you lose inches). If this doesn't work I don't know what I'm going to do!!!

Go for it and I hope you have a great night!
Keep us updated!

Thanks for all the help. I'll let you know

I bet your going to knock his socks off and other things hehehhe... Have Fun

Maybe try to make the night about him and how special he makes you feel. With a little luck it could pull him out of his shell and get him to see that he is as much of a man as any of us in his own way.

Dennis777

I bet your going to knock his socks off and other things hehehhe... Have Fun

Maybe try to make the night about him and how special he makes you feel. With a little luck it could pull him out of his shell and get him to see that he is as much of a man as any of us in his own way.

Dennis777

Oh, believe me he is a man... when I can get him out of his funk!:D
I can't wait!

I thought I would post a pic of me and the hubby.

http://i214.photobucket.com/albums/cc200/hdawson1/l_03a8bcc4a8c43854d5aea804dee89fab.jpg

Wooooooooooooooo Hooooooooooo you're a HoTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTy

Have fun

I agree, hot, hot hot... having very impure thoughts here... There is definitely nothing wrong with how you are looking at all.

I'm not sure what his issue is, it could be medical, it could be stress. Has he recently had a complete physical? Maybe High blood pressure or some pre-diabetic symptoms he isn't aware of. Does he seem at all depressed. You look great in the picture, While my wife is way above average for her age (early 40's, and looks great in a string bikini) she isn't as hot you you look but still that doesn't stop her from getting me excited real easy. And she doesn't need to resort to any tricks.

There is also the kids thing. Some guys and some women get put off their horny feelings if kids are close (even in the next room) or they can hear them. Is he that type. Once a month is a real problem. There has to be a good reason for it at his age.

OK so the night didn't go well, obviously if I'm sitting in front of my computer at 1245 in the morning crying my eyes out. We went out to dinner and came home and all of a sudden he felt "sick". So, he's a asleep and I'm left wondering what the hell is wrong with me! I don't understand! I think I'm a fairly decent looking chic, and it seems that quite a few men think so. I work my butt off at the gym to stay in the best shape possible (for him) and nothing comes from it! I feel sooo insecure about myself and our relationship I don't know what to do!!

Hey dawson I feel for you girl believe it or not but I'm in the same situation. My wife of 3 years says she is have emtional issues. I think it is bull and I don't know what to do either. I also have 2 kids, work 6 days a week, and still lift weights because once I put on 15 pound and she decided that I wasn't looking to hot anymore. She says she loves me all the time but after awhile I get the feeling she is just lying to me. Some people are so selfish that either don't realize or just flat out don't care that the make their partners feel like pieces of crap.

I'm sorry I don't know what is problem is hopefully it gets worked out. I know what I'm going to do there is fixing to be a fight because it is just not fair. Maybe it can resolve something. Communitcation is key right?

If your hubby isn't feeling good about himself at the moment mayb you could encourage him to go to the gym with you or something like that... the confidence he gets bak might boost his sex drive... good luck!!

Communication is very much the key! But on the other hand... how do you talk with a brick wall. The only response I ever get is I'm too tired, I'm sleepy, I have a headache, well if you didn't cook so well, I wouldn't be too full to mess around and on and on and on. I honestly just want to feel wanted to feel like a woman again. He tells me numerous times a day that he loves me, but I'm not sure if he is IN love with me. I really feel like my marriage is falling apart. I was so excited about tonight, and all he said before going to bed, was he was sorry for ruining my night. I thought it was our night, but I guess he never had any follow through intentions.

if your hubby isnt feeling good about himself at the moment mayb you could encourage him to go to the gym with you or something like that... the confidence he gets bak might boost his sex drive... good luck!!!


Tried that, my work offers an awesome discount at 24 hour fitness to me and my family members. He's too tired to do that too.:(

If you're willing to have a fight about it, next time don't try to start something. Straight up ASK him what it would take for him to be willing to have sex in the next 24 hours. Write down what he says, and follow it up with what you think is going to happen, seal it, and tell him that you'll open it to see how right or wrong you are about what is going to happen. DON'T make it sound like you're writing down bad things... make it seem like you are writing down all the hot sexy stuff that you think (or hope!) will happen!

Then... when it doesn't happen--AGAIN--you pull out that sealed envelope and hand it to him, telling him that you pretty much predicted what would happen. Let him know that the situation is making you extremely unhappy, and that you'd like counseling to deal with it because this isn't something you're willing to just live with.

This is going to be a fight. It's not going to be pretty, or fun, or happy. What it's going to do is force you both to decide whether you want to fight for this, and if you do, you're going to BOTH need to go to counseling.

If, however, it actually works out that he tells you what it takes to get sex, and it happens--well, problem solved! You have communication! (in that case... just burn that little envelope, hmm?)

Good luck!

You know the envelope thing is all well and good but I mean it's just different from any other situation. You see I want my wife to have sex with me because I want her to. I want her to enjoy it. I want her to show me some emotion. I don't want her to be like "Fine, I'll do it so he'll shut up". I'm sure dawson1 feels the same way about this. Every once in awhile we will bring it up. Maybe once a month or once every two months but our partner just blows it off with crap.

Mine is all about the emotional baggage and girly stuff her husbands is just regular bs man excuses. It is impossible to talk a person like that unless you get them pissed off enough to talk and maybe then they will actually tell the truth. Sometimes fighting is the only way to solve things and it is time to make my wife so pissed off that she breaks down and cries and tells me every little thing that is going through her head so I can either fix it or tell her to get a job and support herself because I'm tired of being used for money and transportation. I would tell your husband that if he doesn't give it then you'll get it somewhere else let him know you mean business and he'll react. It will be honest or nothing. IMO I would rather have brutal truth than sitting around 2 years from now wonder what the hell is going on with my wife.

Screw all that little cute stuff on this board that man should love you and want you for who you are and if he can't you deserve something better.

I myself being a man might be just stuck with it because if I get a divorce it will cost me about $550 a month in child support. You know what is stupid, I give 100% of everything I have to my wife and my family. I get back under 50% but she says I can't go and find somebody on the side because that is cheating. Tell me who is getting cheated?

The way I see it if I take 25% and give it to the little woman on the side then the little woman on the side gives me back 25% that make it 75% for me and 75% for my wife... seems pretty fair to me.

Bkegg... with all due respect... this is Hdawson's question, and I was answering her :)

I humbly suggest that you post your situation in another thread, so that we can address it for you.

Her situation and yours are completely different.

Bkegg...with all due respect...this is Hdawson's question, and I was answering her :)

I humbly suggest that you post your situation in another thread, so that we can address it for you.

Her situation and yours are completely different.


How are they different? They are almost identical. I am answering here question by telling her what I am going to do about it. Who better to answer a question than somebody is in the same situation. I relize you are answering her question and I respect your answer I was telling you that maybe it is degrading to have to beg and play games with somebody who is suppose to be on the level with you.

Dawson if I am being a obtuse and forcing my way in on your problem and not trying to help you by telling you what I am going to do about our similar problem then please tell me and I will vacate your post.

Regardless of the packaging, any advice at this point is better than no advice. Come on guys! Please, I don't want to lose my family, but I don't want to lose myself either. I was brought up that you marry one time and that's it. I've been through one divorce already, I don't want to go through another one. When I got married, I made a promise I would stick it out with my husband through thick and thin. May be I should just get a B.OB. And stick out the rest. Maybe it's because I'm still young, but my perception of sex in marriage is that is very important. I think it's a form of bonding and on a more primitive level, a form of communication between two people who love each other. Now don't get me wrong I love to just have it put on me with no "making love about it!" Right now I'm not getting either!

Sending you a Great Big Hug...

There has to be a reason he doesn't want to make Love with you. It's not looks, you know that. He says he Loves you and I'm sure if it was a shallow statement you would feel it. You said he is great in bed when he does make Love to you, so he can do it when he wants to. Looking back to when he was sexual all the time did anything happen to make him turned off to sex. (trying to keep this G rated hehehe) did you try new things that maybe you liked and he didn't. Could he think you cheated on him. Something had to trigger his actions.

Dennis777

Honestly the only times he has ever been really sexual is, of course, when we first got together, and the couple of times he was out of work! I think he may just be lazy.

Also so it has been said that sometimes, after a woman has a baby that her man no longer looks at her as a sex object. But more as a "mother type" like he would see his own mom. And that can make men lose the drive to have sex. So that also could be a reason.
Just a thought!

And sorry things didn't go well!

Its way past time to go to a physician... explain the problem he is having and have him checked out real well. There has to be something wrong with him if he is brushing off advances from a very nice looking wife. That's just not normal. If he checks out OK medically then he needs to get his butt in to a psychologist with you and find out if his problem is a mental one. If he cares about his family he will try it.

Im just jumping in here , But I am on the other end of this , like your husband I have no interest! It seems like a chore to even think about it. I don't know why because when we do its great. On the other hand my husband don't really care either, we only have sex maybe once every 2 or 3 months sometimes even longer.
I am 42 and he is 45 but it has been this way for years.
We are just so tired when its time for bed that it's the last thing on my mind.
Also we stopped having sex as much when I stopped being the initator

Also we stoped having sex as much when I stoped being the initator


I try to initiate it all of the time. I don't think it's because I'm a mom either. He goes through spells where he wants it everyday (hence, where the kiddos came from) and then we'll go for about a year of maybe once a month or every other month.

That's how It is with us we go through spells. We Won't do it for months at a time and then once in a while its like 2 or 3 time a week.
And that's because of me if I want to he's willing.
Me being like your husband would have to say ITS NOT YOU! So get that out of your mind.
Maybe he {we} Have some sort of chemical imbalance. I just don't have a sex drive sometimes, nothing wrong with my husband. Like I said when we do doit it great
Just don't feel the drive to get to that point. Your hubby probably don't know why either

First off, I'm 26 and my hubby is 34. We've been together for 5 years and have 2 babies together. The problem is, he is very disinterested in sex. We have sex on average about once a month or once every two months! He works long hours out in the heat and I'm sure that zaps his sex drive during the week. Also, he has gained a little weight over the years (about 25 lbs) Not that I care, I'm still just as attracted to him as I ever have been. My question is, on the weekends, any suggestions for me to get him more in the mood. I'm willing to try anything to get our spark back!!! I've tried dirty pictures, hinting around, and just flat out asking for it. All to no avail!! I'm not thinking about leaving him, but a little bit more nookie would be nice!
Okay this may sound weird but ask him if you can try something different take him to your room have him undress tie him to the bed start with relentless teasing then go to full on oral and just before he gets there ride for your life