OK, my girlfriend and me of 12 years have been split (break) up for 3 weeks. Things are getting a wee bit better for me but the only thought that worries me is if she is seeing someone else. My mother tells me she is certain she is not as she is nice when she calls, still wanting to help with bills and its still a maybe when it comes to us working things out. She has also bought a dog to which she says... it didn't help. She has also lost a of weight.

I have no reason to think she is other than one rouge text that caused me to flip and her to leave to her moms for 2 days, she is now at a GFs house. This guy was her boss she's 29 he's 20 and he has been fired and she is now going after his job. She has never been late home from work, doesn't hide her phone and is very open.

Is the behavior of someone who has someone else? My radar is way off I have abandonment issues and am depressed right now so I'm not thinking right.


I also did see her today and did a half assed job of no contact. I cried some (alot), and told her I wanted to work it out through conseling but that we had to not speak to each other or see each other for a while. It may have been my imagination but I don't think she liked it.

12 yr-relationship! You guys didn't get married?
HAve you thought about getting married? Or she is the one that didn't want to talk about it?
If you don't want to marry her, but being with her for 12 years, she might have changed her mind who she wants to be with...

I know its silly we are not married we both know this. But we have also constantly talked about why it wasn't time. We both have issues to work out. Which we are at this moment I just hope its not to late.

I like ncespringgirl's thought about why have't you married her already? What were you waiting for? The right time?

Give her all the space she asks for and in that time, take that space for yourself and get out in the world and go something positive for yourself. Get a second job, volunteer, mentor, develop a hobby, take a class, etc. Anything that promotes your mental well being and gets your focus off this woman.

No contact is a very good rule. If your depression hangs on, please see your doctor or a counselor or both (would be a very good idea). Don't let yourself get in a funk you cannot get out of. That easily happens when we pin all our hopes and dreams on one person, without any growing on our own part.

I have been in counseling for the past 3 years and have made progress. Im getting on medication if the doctor says I need it to get through this. Im just curious if from what I posted if this is the actions of a person who is seeing someone else. This of course is a deal breaker for me as she has told me she isn't .

It does not mean she is seeing anyone else. It means what she says it means, until you know for an absolute fact that it means anything else. That means you hear it from her, not your Mom, not a buddy, not anyone else but her.

I don't think she is, and this just hit me. It would be easier for me to accept this if it where true that way I could get mad and move on. But the fact that she thinks I have put her on the back burner and if she comes back it would be the same really hurts more.

Im sitting here no money to go out, no friends, no hobbies and I'm just a mess, even though its been 3 weeks today was the first real day since I told her no contact. I wonder if she is thinking about me.

I am going to fix myself with or without her, it just really hurts that she won't go to counseling with me, or even alone to work her problems out.

To be honest if she is its not your business and if she isn't its not your business. Your focus right now should be on YOU.

From what I remember of your last post you have a lot of healing to do. You really need to be focusing inward and working out your issues. If you sit around wondering if she is with someone while you're at home watching TV its not going to help your progress.

During no contact your job is to act as if your ex fell off the face of the earth. We don't wonder what people who don't exist do right?