9 threads merged

Hi,

I have been seeing my girlfriend for 2 years now and at the minute Im having problems. At the start, we were all over each other, texted each other all the time, even had each other as our mobile wallpaper. Over the last 2 or 3 months though, I think my girlfriend has drifted away from me a bit. Hardly any more texts, it seems she doesn't want to lie with me when we're in the house together.

She used to always say how much she loved me but now I have to say it first.

Is she drifting away from me?

Sometimes this can happen when people get comfortable in a relationship. They don't see the need for the constant texts and hanging all over each other. The best thing you can do is ask her what is going on and why it has become this way. She may not realize that she is hurting you, or she actually could be drifting away. The only way to find out is to ask.

Yeah, well we're both quite young..

Ok, 5 years ago.. she was completely obsessed with me (she would have been around 10/11 at the time), I'm two years older. I'm 17 and she's 16. She asked me out loads of times and 2 years ago I agreed to go out with her for a date...

We kept seeing each other so I asked her to be in a relationship with me. She agreed and here we are now.

Recently, she has got this addiction to a celebrity. She never shuts up about him (reminds me of what she was like with me 5 years ago)... suddenly most of that attention to me has gone to him.. (her mobile picture, posters in her room).. I know it's stupid and immature to be jealous of a celebrity, but I can't help it. It's like he's took my spot...

Women thinking about celebrities is just a fantasy. Fantasies can never replace the real thing. The fact that you care so much makes you sound like a really good guy. Just tell her how you feel or she will never know.

I have told her, and she dismisses it by saying "So what if I have him as my computer picture?".. I asked her not to talk about him so much, and it worked for a while but now she's as bad as ever.

She doesn't want to kiss any more.. not even really touch! Should I dump her or should I wait and see if things get back to the way they were?

Before you going to the extreme of dumping her I would have a long talk with her about your relationship. If you can't come to a resolution then I think it might be best if you go your separate ways. Just make sure that you tell her you are serious and not just playing around. Sometimes women don't take us men seriously when it comes to serious talks.

Hello all,

Me and my girlfriend broke up around 4 or 5 months ago. We completely broke up for 2 months but recently we have been getting closer again, texting each other a lot, phoning each other every night, doing things that boyfriends/girlfriends do.

The only problem is, that she is still flirting with other boys. She has told me that she has been with other boys recently and even though they didn't do anything sexually, that they were touching if you know what I mean.

The only reason I'm seeing her at the minute is because I'm trying to move things slowly to get back into the relationship again. But knowing that she is doing things with other boys, flirting with other boys etc.. Its hurting me.

Should I try to ignore this or should I just throw in the towel?

Be careful, she may be leading you on or just using you to satisfy her spare time. How did the relationship end anyway?

We are young, 17 and 16.. we were seeing too much of each other and we both needed a break from it all. I went no contact for 2 months and she came back to me and we agreed to move things slowly.

Been there myself mate, I'm 21 now. I was 18 she was 16, we saw each other too much she wanted to go out with her friends as well, not sure if this is the case with your girl? Does she go out with mates? It looks like no contact has worked but I'd still be careful, you've got to understand that she's only 16years old, she is growing up and she will definitely not know true love or anything like that. Trust me I've been there. Ask her casually next time if she fancies going to watch a film or go bowling or something like that, say it's my treat. But of course she's going to be a bit flirty with other boys if she isn't with you. That's what girls that age do... it's there idea of fun. It's nothing more, so don't worry about that.

Yeah, she's ALWAYS with her friends now.. that's why it would be very hard to get her back in a steady relationship.

It's just that she's going out with other boys now too.. nothing serious but she is still seeing other boys. I'm seeing other girls too, but if she were to ask me to be her boyfriend again, I would say yes in an instant.

You said no contact worked, and I think it did too. What I'm still doing is treating her mean to keep her keen.. that's working too. Now she does most of the chasing after me, she is the one that's asking me to meet up, she's the one that starts texting me..

You've got the luxury of it all then haven't you? Your only a teen once. She will eventually grow away from her mates and prefer to be with her guy, especially when her own mates start growing up and having boyfriends. Just be straight with her, ask her how she feels after all this time? I wouldn't worry too much, especially at that age. Just go with the flow.

But I'm not happy.. and I don't understand it. Everything else in my life is going perfectly.. things aren't even bad between me and her, so why am I always thinking about her?

I have talked to her about how she's feeling (haven't brought it up in about 3 weeks) and she says she's happy with the way things are going between us but she doesn't want a steady relationship at the minute because she is too young.

I don't know if I'm happy or not though. She wants to see each other for the minute, but I don't think you can move from being very exclusive and serious to an open relationship..

No your not throwing in the towel, your not defeated. To observe another's behavior can give insight into their down hill slide which could end in their defeat not yours. Put the thoughts of a relationship in the back room and lock the door. Focus on strengthening your resolve to stay back because she needs time and maybe lots of time to get past childhood. You don't want to regress and learn everything over do you? You have gone through that and your future is in reach. Be smart and don't try to change her behavior, that's for her to deal with and she may find comfort in living as a child for the rest of her life. You have choices just like millions of others have and now is not the time to be the Lone Ranger unless you enjoy the though of having Tonto couterize your every wound with a line of flaming gun powder.

Just stick with her and carry on what your doing, like you said your seeing other girls too right? So don't push her away, the ball's in your court.

What I mean by throwing in the towel is by just giving up on her and moving on..

Yeah but I don't feel the same way about her, all I'm thinking of is how it used to be when we were going out exclusively.

Maybe I will get her back that way soon, but to me, this seems like its going to be the way its going to stay..

Can I get some more opinions on this please?

Ignore her completely. Cut her off before she makes you worst. She will if you let her. Good Luck!

Me and my girlfriend of 2 years broke up a few months ago but started seeing each other a couple of months after we broke up. We have been seeing each other for 2 months now..

When we broke up, I kissed her friend and this hurt her a lot. I never told her, she found out by someone else telling her, to make things worse. Well we have been seeing each other again and lately it's just like we were in an exclusive relationship again.. meeting up quite a lot, very touchy and close.. etc. etc..

So last night we met up and she told me that she has something to tell me.. she told me that she was doing sexual activies (not intercorse) with a guy that went to my school.. now before we started going out she has had a history with this guy.. she has had sexual activity with him twice before..

When we were going out I didn't let her talk to him and she didn't want to. I am heartbroken by her confession and asked her why..

She told me she was pissed off about me kissing her friend and that she had took drink when she seen him.. she has been on the phone crying and begging me not to dump her.. but now the beggings over and she asked me do I want to finish it..

What should I do?

Listen, you guys were broken up. She was able to see whomever she chose. The same went for you. You kissed her friend, I think that's a tad bit worse. Don't be the pot calling the kettle black. Just get over it and forgive her.

Okay, so me and this girl are still seeing each other.. I've kissed other girls but it doesn't get back to her but when she kisses other boys it gets back to me and its hurting me..

I got a bit drunk last night and said I wanted an exclusive relationship (I don't because I'm getting the best of both worlds) and that messed things up. But I explained this morning that I don't want an exclusive relationship, that I was only drunk when I said it.

So what should I do? Keep it the way it is with both of us seeing other people? It's just that most Friday and Saturday nights I worry about where she is and who's she with.. even though I'm with other girls. We have both agreed that we shouldn't worry if we kiss different people because we know they don't have feelings for that person they kiss but she still doesn't feel like mine.

Anybody?

You said no contact worked, and I think it did too.
No it didn't, she came back as a friend, and that's where she is keeping you. The rest is your own mind feeding you false hope. No contact is a healing process, so you can move on, and be happy, not a strategy to get an ex back. You've also said that you don't want to be exclusive, which we know isn't true. Her contacting you and you contacting her, has kept the flame alive, and you thinking this is a game, still thinking she will comeback to you exclusively, but the real story is she has moved on, and you're a friend like all the other guys, and she has you very confused with the little attention she gives you when she does. Leave her alone, and cut the contact, for your own healing this time, so you can move on, and enjoy your own life without her. Accept the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is over. Hmmm, she kisses and touches everyone but you, get a clue.

I think you've misunderstood. Me and this girl are casual.. we do all the things boyfriend/girlfriend do but when we're not with each other we are free to get off with other people. I don't want her exclusive, I'm having the best of both worlds, I'm spending time with her, acting as a boyfriend, but when I'm not with her I can go where I want and do what I want. I definitely don't want her exclusive.

The only reason I'm seeing her at the minute is because I'm trying to move things slowly to get back into the relationship again. But knowing that she is doing things with other boys, flirting with other boys etc.. Its hurting me.

Okay, I don't understand how I misread this, but I stick by my NO CONTACT, suggestion. Move on.

Well, I've gotten bored of the open relationship that I was having with a girl that used to be my girlfriend for two years. I always told her that you can't go from a serious exclusive relationship to an easy going casual one and I was right.

The thing is, she treats me like pure crap. When I'm with her, she text messages other boys, boys that she's doing things with. I read her text messages today and found out that she's being seeing more boys than I thought.

So I ended it tonight, broke off the relationship with her. Now, I've done this before, but I have always gone back because even though I know what she is doing is wrong, my love for her makes my mind think that it's not as bad as it is and I keep going back.

How do I prevent myself from accepting this woman back into my life again?

She sounds really immature... Don't contact her at all, you'll start to think logically after a little while and realize that there are plenty of other girls out there who will treat you right.

my love for her

How do I prevent myself from accepting this woman back into my life again?
LOVE?

How long have you been together? Do you mean lust? How can a girl like this keep this cherade up for years and years (which is how long it normally takes for true feelings of LOVE to build) without you knowing?

My guess is that it's been a few months, right? 6-8 at the most. If that's the case, it's not love. You're confused. And since you're confused, you need time to yourself. You need ALONE time!

You shouldn't have to ask how to prevent a WHORE from coming back into your life. Do you not have any respect for yourself! Wake up now!

Us men, we need to stick together. I rat on you a little, but I think you know that I mean well because that's how men interact. We stick together, we pull through it! You need alone time. I'll suggest the same thing that works for me every time. Write in a journal when you feel like you want to talk to her. Do it, then leave it.

Also, start excercising. Do some . Read a book. Buy a new video game and beat it. SOMETHING! Call your family. Friends. Someone you haven't spoken to in a long time. Hell, even go on craigslist and talk to someone looking for a date. Don't GET ATTACHED, just go out and do something else.

But the best thing you can do, is get to know yourself. LOVE YOURSELF! The sooner you love yourself, the better off you will be. You will change some (hope you aren't scared of that), but then you will love your NEW self even more, because it fits you so well! Then you will notice that you want to date a different type of girl. And you'll look back at this whore and wonder... " why did i do that to myself?"

Good Luck Sir!

No, no.. We used to be boyfriend/girlfriend for two years.. then we split and got back together, deciding on an open relationship.

I know, she is a whore. If she wasn't, she would take me back exclusively and forget the other boys. And she is making me look like an idiot to all my friends and hers.

No, no.. we used to be boyfriend/girlfriend for two years.. then we split and got back together, deciding on an open relationship.

I know, she is a whore. If she wasn't, she would take me back exclusively and forget the other boys. And she is making me look like an idiot to all my friends and hers.
Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Well if that's the case, then yeah there is no hope for this one. You may have feelings for her and all that, which is perfectly normal, but she's always going to do this to you, because she's selfish and immature. She may change tomorrow, she may NEVER change (usually they never do), so you really need help to get out.

FRIENDS AND FAMILY! Those are your 2 best natural resources. Call them now and call them often. Alone time is what you need. Keep coming to these forums if you need help bro, we're here for you!

There is no hope, I've went back to her hoping things would be better... they're better for a while and then something else pisses me off. When I'm with her, I'm happy for the short term. But I know if I'm without her, I'll be sad and pissed off for a while but in the long run it is better for me.

You know what the good news is? You aren't the only man on this planet to have this problem. I was with this girl for 8 months. I knew she was cheating on me here and there, but I didn't care. The problem was that I stuck around for the EZ lays.

Then, after a while, I started to develop feelings. DEEP EMOTIONAL ones! I had to get out, and our relationship ended in such a horrible way that I'll probably be scarred for life. I did it to myself.

Now I see you and it's sort of a reflection of me, but with even more involved emotions. If you can get out now, you'll be better off tomorrow. It's not easy, breaking up never is. But there's so many men out there who have been in your shoes, so I hope you don't feel like you are alone.

Yeah, but that was worse for you in ways.. you were exclusive and she was cheating on you. We are in an open relationship, the difference is.. I don't want any other women but she's going out and seeing other men.

It's not easy but we've broken up before so I believe this time will be easier, if I stick it out.

Yeah, but that was worse for you in ways.. you were exclusive and she was cheating on you. We are in an open relationship, the difference is.. I don't want any other women but she's going out and seeing other men.

It's not easy but we've broken up before so I believe this time will be easier, if I stick it out.
If you want to put yourself through that torture... then go ahead. That's like saying "yeah... i've stabbed myself with a knife before... but this time it will be easier because im used to the pain".

You are free to do what you want. Good judgment comes from bad experience. Perhaps you need more of it. Usually you physically need to feel bad a million times about something before you fully understand for yourself what to do and how to get by.

No, no.. I mean, it'll be easier to stay no contact this time and get over her, because I've been through it before..

Me and my girlfriend were going out 2 years but recently she has wanted to have an open relationship. I agreed and we did that, however, both of us were unhappy doing this so we got back into an exclusive relationship. That only lasted 2 months and then she decided that she would rather have an open relationship again as she does not want to be "weighed down" at her age (16). I said that we were not happy in an open relationship and nothing will be different so I ended it with her and she agreed. This was on Saturday night.

(I had booked concert tickets for her for Valentines Day). She sent me a message on Sunday night saying "I'm not going to the concert, so you can get rid of the tickets".. I never replied.. Hadn't heard from her since Sunday night but on Wednesday night she text me a message saying, "Are you happy like this??", I replied, "It's better than an open thing" she then text back, "Ok". I never text her back but then she texted me again saying, "Good night, I love you".

Then I checked her Myspace last night and find out she has flirted with EVERY boy I don't like, chatting them up.. But she also has pictures of us together up.. and quotes such as " I have loved you forever" and "I fall asleep crying listening to songs that remind me of you"..

Today she text me to ring her, I never replied.

This girl was everything to me, but I feel I'm better off without her?

I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose her.. but I definitely don't want an open relationship. Should I just keep N/C until she decides she wants an exclusive relationship?

You have done what your supposed to do. Leave her alone, as she may agree to what you want, but still do her thing when your not around. You would never know would you?

Sounds to me like you know exactly what you don't want, and she is it. Your mind is saving you now when your heart would let you down. Good for you for listening to your own conscience and following it.

I won't put her down, but read what you wrote about her as if you hadn't written it. Is this girl worth even fretting about? 16 years old and already trying to get you to give up your morals to suit her. Oh my goodness. Imagine her at 20!

I'm so happy for you, some boys will let their "like" for a girl make them stupid, and they pay stupid tax for it for a loooong time... usually until the girl drops them and their left with nothing. You're getting out and on to your next great girl.

Awesome.

Ignore those texts, don't read her myspace, at this point it is all just her hurting you, and you've already decided she can't anymore, right?

Thanks for the advice...

Anymore?

Yes as JBeaucaire said, DO NOT look at her MySpace whatever you do... this will only scramble your mind. Stick too your guns with what you have decided, and that is a proper relationship... OR NOTHING AT ALL! If you turn back now I feel things will smooth out but it will repeat back to what it was. What you need to do is stay strong with what YOU WANT in YOUR LIFE, always put that first. Once she sees she will realise how serious you are about it. Her text messages are a test to see how strong you are about the whole thing in general. You never know after time she may realise that you won't break from your decision, and she may follow.

Thanks for the advice...

Anymore??

If your wanting more advice, then tell us your feelings, about what advice you have been given, and where your at as far as changes in the situation, and ask questions :cool:

Okay, I'm back here to tell you what's going on now, as I'm starting to feel weak and not having a good day.

So since I broke it off with her and haven't replied to her messages, my mind hasn't really been on her, except for at night time. I have been in school all day every day (I used to go only half a day, but my first aim after this relationship ended was to get my education back on track), then I come home and go straight to work so my mind has been pretty much involved with other things.

She has not contacted me in 1 week, so I haven't had any temptations to contact her. I was a bit disappointed today though when I logged onto my Msn and her name was "all the things we talked about, the dreams were ever true"..

She always talked about getting married, having kids etc.. Even though I always felt I was too young to be talking about this when she did. Anyway, when I logged online, she just went off. Which means she must be trying no contact as well.

Some parts of me really want her back, but then my sense comes back in a few minutes and tells me to wise up - what it was really like when we were together.

Okay, I'm back here to tell you what's going on now, as I'm starting to feel weak and not having a good day.

So since I broke it off with her and haven't replied to her messages, my mind hasn't really been on her, except for at night time. I have been in school all day every day (I used to go only half a day, but my first aim after this relationship ended was to get my education back on track), then I come home and go straight to work so my mind has been pretty much involved with other things.

She has not contacted me in 1 week, so I haven't had any temptations to contact her. I was a bit disappointed today though when I logged onto my Msn and her name was "all the things we talked about, the dreams were ever true"..

She always talked about getting married, having kids etc.. Even though I always felt I was too young to be talking about this when she did. Anyway, when I logged online, she just went off. Which means she must be trying no contact as well.

Some parts of me really want her back, but then my sense comes back in a few minutes and tells me to wise up - what it was really like when we were together.



Intuition is key here, listen to it, don't read too much into what she writes but her actions... Let it go.. Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

Thanks. Today I'm not really looking for advice, just wanted to write about how I felt. It's one of those bad days that I read on here that we get post break up. I'm texting a few other girls, and getting on well with the ones in school. Now that I'm in bad form, I have texted a few of my friends and we are going to get a pizza and watch the football, to keep my mind off things.

Thanks. Today I'm not really looking for advice, just wanted to write about how I felt. It's one of those bad days that I read on here that we get post break up. I'm texting a few other girls, and getting on well with the ones in school. Now that I'm in bad form, I have texted a few of my friends and we are going to get a pizza and watch the football, to keep my mind off things.


No prob, let it out, that just goes to show people care about your feelings.. HAVE FUN! You deserve it!

Just grind your way through it... besides at 16 trust me she doesn't REALLY know what she wants... btw how old are u?

Yeah... even girls my age (22) have no clue what they want. Imagine 16. Woof.

I am one year older, 17.

Well, today, it's been three weeks. I have to say, I am really missing her and have been quite upset today. Someone rang me with a withheld number last night and never said anything.

It was our 2nd year anniversary yesterday.. it was quite a sad day but I got on without really thinking about it. Other things in my life aren't going so well such my mum and dad who like to be at each other's throats all day and night, so that isn't helping.

I'll just struggle along, and resist the urge to break N/C.

Right, look.. this is the story.. I'm not feeling upset, hurt or any other emotion that people go through with a break up, because WE BREAK UP ALL THE TIME!

I have been with.. this girl.. for 2 and a half years or nearabouts. I have not been happy for a year now.. when we first broke up. God, I wish I had of just broken up with her completely then, instead of all this nonsense.

Let me think.. we have broken up not once, not twice, not three times, I think this is the fifth!! time we have broken up.

In January we broke up, the next month we get talking again.. we meet up, we ring each other.. it's all back to the way it was. She is all over me like a rash, ringing me every night etc.. Then one night I rung her and she was really off with me. Since then, she has hardly spoke a word to me, like she doesn't care about me.. don't worry, I'm used to this cycle.. she does this every time we are about to break up!

It seems to me that whenever I'm treating her like a queen, she goes off me. But when I treat her badly (ignore her texts, one word answers on the phone, etc) she comes running back like a shot...

Anyway, I'm through with this. I'm tired of relying on her to make me happy. Because when we're on that stage when we're back together, I'm really happy.. but at the back of my mind I keep thinking: "don't rely on her to make me happy because she isn't reliable, she's going to go off in that cycle any time now"..

Then we break up, for the first week.. I manage no problem with N/C. Then she'll text me and I'll run straight back. Or, if she doesn't run back to me, I run back to her and she takes me back.

It's sooo confusing! I just want to rely on my own moods to be happy, not rely on someone's mood to decide if I'll have a good day or not! Like it used to be before I met this girl!

Sometimes I wish I had never have met her, but then I think back to the first year and a half, when everything was just brilliant...

She seems like a mind fuk... I would leave her alone don't talk to her, don't text her just go NC forever if you want... its up to you... if it were me I would not be in a relationship like that, I don't like being treated like garbage, but some people like it.

Break the cycle, get married or leave each other alone. The make up sex must be to die for.

I'm not a relationship expert cause I've done the same damn thing before. Just let it go! Stop wasting so much time of your precious life. Your soulmate is out there somewhere but it's just not her.

Its so hard to let go I know! Me and my ex broke up about 5 times as well.. Maybe more! The last time was about 3 months ago but we still talk constantly and its confusing! But it seems to be sticking this time. I think try and not rely on her mood to make you happy I know its hard when you care about someone so much. If its meant to be you WILL end up together if not this thing you have will just come to an end naturally so if you can't let her go yet then don't but also don't let it affect you so much mentally just try and have fun with it..

Well, we broke up eventually. I haven't heard from her since Tuesday and have in the right frame of mind to just let her go. Was a bit drunk one night and realised she wasn't worth all the worry... managed to stick with that thought in my head, and I'm just excited to be single again..

I made a list in my phone of all the stuff that I didn't like about her and why I shouldn't go back. Every time I feel bad, I read it and it puts me in a better mindset.

Just trying to get on with my life now. When I find it tough, I look at my phone and will start to post here more often. I have realised I need to move on with my life after nearly 2 and a half years of the same girl, when there's plenty more left out there.

Also, with the fact that she has her myspace picture of herself and this other fella (who is clearly a rebound), it has shown me she is not over me and that she's trying to annoy me. It shows me how much she really isn't worth it and that I'm not missing much.. if she wants to be immature, I'm just going to let her.

I think this time is definitely the time I'm going to get over her, even through the bad days.

You are off to a good start. Making a list is good. Also have a back up buddy that you can call and discuss fishing or whatever when you can't get your thoughts off her. Make a list of things you want to accomplish and even how you feel that your relationship held you back from those goals.
She is playing games with your head. She feels that as long as you are bowing down to her she can and will take you for granted but when you make yourself unavailable she panics and wants you back.
It is time you realize that this is not the vicious cycle you want indefinitely when you could be out there making a real life and finding a real relationship.

You are off to a good start. Making a list is good. Also have a back up buddy that you can call and discuss fishing or whatever when you can't get your thoughts off her. Make a list of things you want to accomplish and even how you feel that your relationship held you back from those goals.
She is playing games with your head. She feels that as long as you are bowing down to her she can and will take you for granted but when you make yourself unavailable she panics and wants you back.
It is time you realize that this is not the vicious cycle you want indefinitely when you could be out there making a real life and finding a real relationship.

Yeah, I have a few friends I can talk to. I have also told all of my friends not to tell me any stories about my ex. Every other time we broke up, I refused to call her my ex.. but now that's what I see her as, my ex. The past.

Yeah, I know what you mean. Every time I have broken up with her, I have ran back because I know she would take me back.. but this time, she has broken up with me and I can't run back, but the way I feel now, I don't want her to run back.. because I know it will mess with my head in the end of it all again.

A new and better cycle cannot begin, until you get away from the old one. There is a great big world out there for you to explore, so look forward, as you already know where you have been.

I'm on day 8 of no contact and today is the best I have felt since the breakup. I had a lot of spare time on my hands today, so I went shopping for my first car, got a new look (completely different haircut), meeting with a few friends tonight and I'm feeling really great today.

In truth, I haven't really had one bad day since the breakup. Every time I feel sad or depressed, I read my list again to remind me of her bad points and why it didn't work.. this cheers me up and I try to think of something else.

I feel like I'm starting to get the old me back after 2 long years. When I was going out with my girlfriend, I was told I was no fun any more, I only seemed happy around her. I was a football fanatic before I met her, and although I never gave up my interest in watching football, I stopped playing the sport and since then I have re-joined my old club and starting to really enjoy my football again.

:)

Hey there, day 14 is almost finished and I'm doing really well. Not thinking of her as much any more but today I was a bit down when I heard a rumour about myself.

Now, the girl who started the rumour is known to gossip.. but I don't know if my ex knows her as a gossip as she doesn't know her very well. The rumour is:

When I was on holiday in the summer I cheated on my ex girlfriend (then girlfriend) and didn't tell anybody.

I've just been told that the gossiper and the ex, are going to a concert together. I'm afraid she's going to tell her about the rumour and my ex will then think I cheated.

What should I do? I don't want to break N/C.

Absolutely nothing.. it shouldn't matter what she thinks..
If you contact her you show weakness, and in a form you give her that control and satisfaction that she expects you to give her..
Let her come to you and ask you.. then you can decide whether to break the NC.

I would go somewhere along the lines of "no I didnt cheat on you but I wouldnt be suprised if you dont believe me..anyway I have to jet I have some stuff to do..take care"

Hey there, day 14 is almost finished and I'm doing really well. Not thinking of her as much any more but today I was a bit down when I heard a rumour about myself.

Now, the girl who started the rumour is known to gossip.. but I don't know if my ex knows her as a gossip as she doesn't know her very well. The rumour is:

When I was on holiday in the summer I cheated on my ex girlfriend (then girlfriend) and didn't tell anybody.

I've just been told that the gossiper and the ex, are going to a concert together. I'm afraid she's going to tell her about the rumour and my ex will then think I cheated.

What should I do? I don't want to break N/C.

Why are you even worried about it. She is your ex!
If you are worried about what she thinks, she is not the problem, you are the problem. If she and the relationship was as bad as you say, why did you keep going back and why are you worried about what she thinks?
Enjoy your freedom.

The relationship wasn't bad until the last 6 months or so, then it was horrible.

I really am enjoying my freedom and I feel I'm much happier now. I'm really enjoying single life again.

I didn't want to break no contact and that is what I was thinking of doing nickshehe, you have just re-assured me.

What should I do? I don't want to break N/C.
Don't break it, no reason to, as rumors have no effect on what your doing. Don't even worry how the ex reacts to it, that's her problem not yours.

Hey again everybody.. I have split up with my ex for 8 months now.. She got a new boyfriend a few months later but has now split up with him (she told me she split up with him because she knew what to be in love was like but she didn't love him).

I had a great summer, I thought I was completely over her.. I wasn't thinking about her or anything until one night I bumped into her on a night out. She was drunk, I was drunk and we ended up spending the night together.. We didn't really speak since until a couple of weeks ago..

She sent me a message asking me did I want to meet up sometime.. and I said, "yeah we could meet up sometime if you wanted".. I questioned her on why she wanted to meet up and she said that she "was sick of pretending she didn't still have feelings for me".

So we met up for something to eat and had a great time. It was just like the old days, we just acted the same and said the same things, laughed about silly things etc etc. It was really good and a big blast from the past. That night she texted me and said she would really like to meet up again and that she had really missed me.

The next day, I don't text her and she doesn't text me.. but then the day after, I text her and she appears to be really off with me. I asked her would she like to go to the cinema sometime and she said she would and that she would text me on Sunday to tell me what day she could go..

Sunday came and went and no text message. Now she's writing to another boy on Facebook telling him that she can't wait to next Saturday to see him.

What should my next move be?

What should my next move be?

... Like it should've been at the start i.e. NO CONTACT for ex's!!

Clearly this girl is "messing around" with you,big time :( One minute she's all
Friendly,the next you hear nothing from her!!

You'll just have to say,that this one is down to experience.

Yep, she was lonely after her relationship ended and there you were like a dog waiting for a bone. She threw you one, off you went and now she found someone else so you are back to the back seat

It's a case of "back-up" she wants you to be there for her, but only on the back burner when there isn't someone else. Break it off before you get too deep.

Back to NC!!

It's not confusing, it's just frustrating behavior. Time to remember the WHOLE story of why you originally broke up, and then add this bad treatment to that list.

Feelings don't go away. Remember that. I still vividly remember my first love from THIRTY years ago. So, realize now that those feelings you had for her will always be there, to some degree.

Ignore them, or at least don't put feet on them when you DO think of them.

Don't let her put feet on her old feelings either... unless you LIKE feeling as badly as you do now, resulting from your last interactions with her. Just don't let it happen.

Well, I can understand where the lot of you are coming from but I honestly don't think that she's running back to me because she's just broken up with her boyfriend. She told me that all she did was think of me when she was with him! And she was the one that text me asking to meet up because she still had feelings for me WHEN SHE WAS ON HOLIDAY!

She text me today to tell me she could go on Friday night to the cinema, then I text her back, she took ages to reply.. then I text her back after she had text me and she didn't reply at all. So if she's going to start playing games like this, I'll go to the cinema with her but if she acts the same way like she is now (changing from showing lots of interest to very little interest), I will go N/C again and get her back out of my life.

Experience has led us to counsel you as we have.

Meanwhile, it is your life to live and life is nothing if not risk. You can, of course, rekindle your adventure with her. And if it doesn't work out a second time, it's not necessarily an "I told you so" situation, either. Things have a life of their own sometimes.

I'm just saying it could work out, or it could fail again. It could fail for the same reasons as it did before or it could be brand new unforeseen issues.

Either way, for good or bad, enjoy the ride, don't over-expect. Let things be what they are... you'll be fine.

Come back here if you need to talk some more.

Whatever you do, try to keep your distance and not fall back into old habits. You don't want there to be a "round two" of your breakup should this not work out. Don't get your hopes up and play is cautiously if you decide to continue contacting her...

Thanks for your support guys. I will take things easily and slow.. not show too much interest and will let you know how I get on.

Well, I don't really know how things are going to be honest. We last met up around a month ago, it was a good night.. we went and got something to eat, then I went back to hers.

We bumped into each other on a nightout last weekend, a nice surprise and that encouraged some contact throughout that week.

Overall though, she hasn't shown any interest in wanting to meet up and not much interest in contacting me. Think I need to back off and not take her so seriously..

I was thinking about how I was feeling before she sent that message and my general feeling was that I was over her before I bumped into her on a nightout.. (if you read above you'll know what I'm talking about).. I kind of want to get back to that, I was getting happy again.

These days, she decides my moods. If she contacts me, I'm really pleased and she doesn't be on my mind so much.. but when she doesn't contact me, I'm abit down and she's on my mind more. Strange.

I guess I should just show her little interest so that maybe I'll be on her mind more.. I have no idea what she thinks of me, whether she cares for me because she goes in cycles.. sometimes she seems really interested and caring towards me.. other days she just treats me like another boy.

But then again, we are young and we were very serious when we were in a relationship. I just have to be more patient I guess.

Women!

I for one think it is awesome that something may spark up again. I would give ANYTHING for my ex to show some feelings towards me. The one thing you need to be prepared for is re-living the pain should this not work. I hope the best for you and this is the cool thing about life... it works out in strange ways. Just don't over analyze anything and be prepared for the worste. I can tell you, my ex and I broke up for a month about a year ago, got back together, and then in August broke up for good. It hurt much more the second time than it did the first... just my situation, but protect yourself and let life happen.

Yeah, I suppose that's one way to look at it. When we had broken up, I thought she was completely over me and never thought we would ever see each other again.

But then I think, if she hadn't of contacted me to meet up, that'd I'd be over her by now instead of thinking about her when she doesn't contact me!

These days, she decides my moods. If she contacts me, I'm really pleased and she doesn't be on my mind so much.. but when she doesn't contact me, I'm abit down and she's on my mind more. Strange.

That's exactly the basis for NC, as those old feelings get stirred back to the surface very easily.

You are handling it well at this point, as we can see some logical thinking going on.

Its obvious your coping with your feelings, whether you see it, or not.

Way to go. Keep going.

Just let things happen and don't worry about the things that don't. The only person that can hurt you is you! Yes, she still has feelings for you and yes she contacted you. There is a reason for EVERYTHING. Like I said, the thing you have to remember is have your guard up and protect yourself. Change your phone number... that's what I did. Now, I don't need to look at my phone constantly because I know my ex can never contact me. Go for what you believe in, but don't start to believe you can't get hurt again, because you can.

Thats exactly the basis for NC, as those old feelings get stirred back to the surface very easily.

You are handling it well at this point, as we can see some logical thinking going on.

Its obvious your coping with your feelings, whether you see it, or not.

Way to go. Keep going.

Thanks mate and that's cheered me up getting a comment like that from a man of your intelligence :D!

So do you think I should back off and show little interest? Or go cold turkey with her?

Cold turkey... if she wants you she will find a way to get you...

Yeah, go cold turkey... if you show little interest, or just back off a little more, the feelings you had before could start to resurface and you could end up for more disappointment and heartache...

Like Tal says, you're doing good... just keep trucking on...

Cold turkey it is! I sent her a very drunken message the other night saying that, "Things are so confusin but I still love you" and she replied the next day asking me was I drunk! She said that she would do her best not to make things confusing any more!

That night she sent me a drunken message saying that she wishes I was at her party.. but she never invited me to it in the first place.

So that was okay. Yesterday I try to get her to come out with mine AND her friends at the weekend for halloween, and she says she has other plans. Then I asked her to meet up tomorrow for a while and she says she has other plans.

So that's it. I've deleted her number, it's time to stop living in the past and time to realise I'm too good for her.

I'm glad, DazT. Don't let her play games with your heart anymore. You can overcome this.

Rebuild your life... I promise you, you will be happier in the long run. Eventually you will be so happy with yourself and where you are going that you won't be saying, "I wish I could go back in the past and fix the things I DID WRONG." That will be history, believe me! You are going to be one incredible person when the dust settles.

Well I have stuck to the no contact since. Almost a week now..

I keep thinking about how she came back into contact 6 months later, telling me she still had feelings for me and she still loved me and all that crap.

I found out today that she is now seeing somebody else when we were still meeting up. That's why she couldn't meet up last week when I asked her to because she was away to the cinema with another guy. And she couldn't even tell me.

It gets me sooo angry even thinking about it. She was the one to come crawling back to me after 6 months.. then when I meet her up, she goes back to her usual tricks and then starts seeing another boy!

16 year old girls for you.

Oh yeah... you're doing the right thing... if she's going to lie to you, then she's not worth your time... she'll just continue to lie to you as long as she knows that she can get away with it... that's the immaturity on her part... but there will be others, you can count on it...

She didn't really lie to me, she just didn't tell me that she's been meeting up with another boy when she's supposed to be dating me! But that's probably worse than lying.

Still on no contact, however.. she sent me a text message the other day.. I never replied but it's making me think of her more and making me feel bad. I have no idea why. Maybe I need closure or maybe I need to tell her that she's done wrong to me and that I don't want to see her again?

Closure is a state of mind, and nothing else. When you split up, that was closure, you just chose not to accept it. Leave her behind and give no more attention to her. You owe each other nothing, even so called "closure"

Well we did all that when we broke up 8 months ago! But she doesn't know I know that she's seeing another boy, I don't even know if she is. All I know is that she chose to go to the cinema with another boy instead of going to meet up with me.

So she doesn't even know that I'm really hurt and want to move on. The question is - do I tell her?

Nope. No reason to tell her. She is wasted emotion and nothing more.

Anybody spending their first Christmas in a couple of years single? Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's exciting, it's a bit strange. Does anybody else think of the relationship you and your ex had this time last year?

I do, a lot. This is the first time if five years I haven't been with my ex. I think about New Year's Eve, and not being together, hell... I even think about Valentines Day already. It is what it is. I will live through it, but if I had my choice, I would fast forward to get past all of these 'special' holidays that are over glorified with having that special someone in your life.

I love Christmas and I'll still enjoy this festive period but in the back of my mind I will be thinking of ex at times. I always hated new year, this one is going to be as twice as bad. Never liked Valentines either, but this years going to be worse again.

Oh well, things could be worse!

Oh yes! It's already in 2 weeks and I've done nothing to prepare for it... can't wait till it's over!

My first christmas by myself in 4 years. I can't even wish him a merry christmas or anything. He is no longer with us. Well, I can in my prayers... you know... it's just not the same.

At least we have our families and friends.

God bless everyone and have a safe and wonderful holiday :):):)

My Christmas is especially hard. I was with my ex for many yrs. We had many fantastic Christmas memories! Ones with the kids, romantic ones, and just great things that we did to celebrate.

Then we split because of his "problems." Two yrs ago this C'mas, he broke into my home because he was angry, and assaulted me and broke a lot of my bones.

I really have mixed emotions about Christmas now. It reminds me of both the good and the bad.

my first christmas by myself in 4 years. i can't even wish him a merry christmas or anything. he is no longer with us. well, i can in my prayers...you know...it's just not the same.

at least we have our families and friends.

God bless everyone and have a safe and wonderful holiday :):):)

I'm so sorry to hear that, and God bless you too! I hope you can make it through Christmas with the support of your family and friends... and of course all of us here!

I'm so sorry to hear that, and God bless you too! I hope you can make it through Christmas with the support of your family and friends...and of course all of us here!

Thanks so much, starbuck. It's kind of ironic... he passed away in September, but he did leave me with a precious gift, and didn't even know he did. I have a baby boy on the way.

Crazy hah?

I can imagine how you feel at christmas time. What a horrilbe memory! You are strong! And you have all of us here too! ;)

Both you gals are awesome in my book! You two deserve the happiness that you will soon find. If I was around you, I would give you both a huge hug. God bless you both :)

Both you gals are awesome in my book! You two deserve the happiness that you will soon find. If I was around you, I would give you both a huge hug. God bless ya both :)

Big hugs back to Y'all! Merry Christmas you guys! Oops, a few tears! :)

Christmas was always my favorite time of year. Snow, lights, presents, carols... all that good stuff.

I've been in relationships and have lost loves - including a fiancé who left me at the altar - but the one relationship that I miss most is my Dad.

He passed away 5 years ago last month. Above all, it is the one thing that tarnishes this time of year.

The first year that he was gone my family and I knew that we couldn't just do the same-old-same-old family traditions, because they would never be the same. So, we made new ones.

In my opinion, holidays are not about what we've lost, but about what we have. What we've been blessed with, not what we have had taken from us. When we can look at a holiday without the person that we love beside us and know that its going to be all right, that holidays are still full of cheer and goodwill, and feel truly blessed to be with the ones that care for us and make us feel whole, THAT is when the holidays become real again.

I hope that you are able to find that reality - I'm not saying the pain goes away, but it helps refocus on what really matters.

Both you gals are awesome in my book! You two deserve the happiness that you will soon find. If I was around you, I would give you both a huge hug. God bless ya both :)

Thanks, you're sweet ;) happy holidays!

thanks so much, starbuck. it's kind of ironic...he passed away in september, but he did leave me with a precious gift, and didn't even know he did. i have a baby boy on the way.

crazy hah??

i can imagine how you feel at christmas time. what a horrilbe memory! you are strong! and you have all of us here too! ;)

I'm glad you have that precious gift that he gave you for Christmas. I'm sure he will also be right there celebrating with you, and will leave many memories behind for you and your son. I wish you a very peaceful and Happy Christmas! Take care of that little one. I know his Daddy is giving an extra hand to help you through. :)

Another tear :) you are sweet. I know he will be watching over us. Happy holidays to you too! Xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo

Well, I was involved last Christmas, and not this Christmas. But I've always seen Christmas as more a family event as that was the context it has been in for most of my life. In fact, my ex and I did not see each other on Christmas at all. New Year's (where we did spend time together, and which has much less of a family component) may be harder. But who knows what opportunities lie around the corner... there appear to be a few.

it's kind of ironic...he passed away in september, but he did leave me with a precious gift, and didn't even know he did. i have a baby boy on the way.

crazy hah??



WOW... so sorry to hear of your loss southerngalps , I'm sure your little addition to the family will be very special :)

I lost my father a few years ago at this time so I have mixed feelings at this time as well.

I always look up at the stars on Christmas Eve and without fail there is a Star which shines brighter than the others. I always feel that is him looking down and saying it's OK , I'm in a better place.

I really think Christmas is great in some ways but it can be so hard for people.

I'm really sorry to hear about your problems guys.

I wish all you guys the merriest of Christmas (es)

WOW............so sorry to hear of your loss southerngalps , I'm sure your little addition to the family will be very special :)

I lost my father a few years ago at this time so I have mixed feelings at this time as well.

I always look up at the stars on Christmas Eve and without fail there is a Star which shines brighter than the others. I always feel that is him looking down and saying it's ok , I'm in a better place.

I'm sure your Dad is making that star shine extra bright just for you M, and I bet he's happy that you notice it! :)

I always think back at the good times.

yeah it sucks. But what we have to remember is to not make it all good.

because there was a reason why they left or you left.

just to get some perspective.

best thing I do. Is I use christmass day just to focus on myself :) OK yeah and my family and loved ones sure
but I leave my Xs totally out of my head =)

as a gift from me... to me

Yes, after spending the last 10 with my now EX wife for the holidays, often her larger family there, This will be a loney one, going to spend it most likely on here ( guess that is sad) my online family.

Comments on this post
starbuck8 agrees: Batman's a softy...I knew it! ;)

Ssshhhh... I have my tough persona to uphold :rolleyes:

Silent Night always brings home to me what Christmas is about.

to everyone here who have all touched someone's heart in a special way throughout this past year,

wishing you a blessed and Happy Christmas*

Silent Night Greeting RiverSongs Christmas Cards Greetings (http://www.riversongs.com/christmas/silent_night.html)

It has now been 15 months since me and my ex have broken up. In March last year, we decided to completely break up and I went through a spell right through to July of not seeing her or talking to her until I bumped her into one night. I started seeing her again in September for a few weeks and nothing until March this year again when I stupidly started seeing her again until May.

Now I haven't heard from her since May when we ended it again.

I know I shouldn't keep going back to her because hot and cold does not describe this girl. She is very immature I guess the way she wants me back so much and then when we're seeing each other again, she's not interested. I guess that hurts the most and I'm emotionally confused.

I know what you're going through. It seems as if when you're apart she can't wait to see you, then when you're together for awhile she can't wait to get away from you.

All this is doing is playing with your heart because you're constantly trying to figure out what the heck she wants.

I suggest sticking to the no contact like you did before, only now recognizing that when those feeling come back and she tries to contact you, remember what happened last time and that it'll most likely turn into her not being interested.

she wants me back so much and then when we're seeing each other again, she's not interested. I guess that hurts the most and I'm emotionally confused.
Sooner or later, you will figure out that cutting all contact with her, will allow the confusion to end.

Threads merged, yet again.

Hello all,

Its been a while but dazt is right back on amhd..

Basically, last I heard from my ex was that she had got a boyfriend.. so I beg for her to come back to me, knowing that it would never work. She told me she was happier with her new boyfriend that she was with me, so I did the right thing and told her I had to accept that and move on.

So last night I bump into her at a birthday party.. we don't make any eye contact but she tells one of my mates to tell me that she has broken up with her boyfriend.

What sort of a mug would I have been to have spent the night with her, so I tell my mate that she had her chances.

Next thing I know, she snogs 3 different boys, all in front of me..

My heart is crushed once more..

Your decision had been made.
You should ignore whatever she does.
This is really NOT your business.

Her actions shows you made the wise decision you should have laughed your a** off at her and walked with your head high..

Don't let her childish behaviour upset you. She had her chance and she blew it.

You asked her back even though you knew it would never work... somewhere in your head you have suffered enough... you need to tell your heart that...

She has moved on... she is not crushed..

You need to take a leaf out of her book and move on... today,instead of moping and feeling sad and hurt,go out into the world and live!

There are always other girls and other relationships,it may not feel like that now,but I can assure you,the sooner you say goodbye to the ex girlfriend and start no contact,you will feel more empowered and stronger... make a decision today,that she no longer has the power to hurt you... YOU are in charge of your heart,head,mind, body and soul,and no else can dictate by their actions how you will live your life.

I was living.. I was fine.. I was thinking about her, yeah.. but that was all, no urges to break NC (I was over 2 weeks).. till I bump into her..

I'd have been fine if she hadn't of been with 3 other fellas that night.. Just really down, but I'll pick myself up once more.. and this time (I say this every time), will be the last time I ever let her upset me, DazT is moving on.

Don't worry,you re getting there. It just takes time and patience.

Hearts heal a lot slower then bones!

Its always hard when we see are recent exs out having fun and without it would seem any remorse... but your day will come too... give yourself a break and know you will have a wonderful scar and story to tell..

Your learning and growing even though it does not feel like it,and you can share your experience and story with others.. I would give you a word a caution,don't become bitter... realise everyone gets hurt and not all girls/women behave the same way.

Yeah, but she's not out having fun. She came onto me, I turned her down so she snogs every man in sight, what does that tell you? I'm telling you, some of the boys were not pretty lol.

But I know in my heart that the girl is bad news and that she isn't happy with herself, no matter how hard she pretends she is.

Anyway, that's not my business - I will be stronger and a better man for it one day.

You will to be sure!

Anyway,why would you want someone so insecure and unhappy.

She did you a favour... you should send her a thank you note.. ( I'm only joking,don't do that).

Go back to no contact and start again.

If she wants to kiss gorillas let her off.

Gorillas, ha.. I love the Irish.

See,she was trying to make you jealous and hurt you.. but are you.. no!

Your laughing at the good of it... your already healing..

She most likely cringing at her actions and your having a laugh... oh what a wonderful world..

You'll be fine dazt,and in a while you think,'what the hell did I see in her'..