My boyfriend broke up with me three weeks ago, we are both in our fifties. We have dated over two years. HE lost his mom two years ago and is selling his house that he can't afford the mortgage. Over the past year he has been withdrawn and emotinally unavailiable, he use to come see me all the time, and now we were just seeing each other on the weekends. He has changed and this has caused a problem in our relationship over the year. He isn't as affectionate as he use to be. He says he wants to be alone and not in a relationship and he can't give me what I want. He say its not much, your simple and I more simpler. He use to care about everything and my needs and its our discussion every weekend, and its hurting him, but he has changed and I have felt it. So now he has closed all doors and broke up with me. I tried talking to him a week ago, and as he said he can't give me what I want, and ndoesn't know if he can ever give me what I want. I told him I want the old Scott back, and he says you may never find him. He said maybe a week ago he would call me if he was up to it, after I left him but nothing. We have mutual friends and I know he is been going on his boat every weekend with them, his best friend and his wife I work with.. SO how can he even think of me and not know he is hurting me.. I stopped all contact but nothing... He is stubborn, and he knows it.. I have been the one that always caves but I won't do it this time... Help sully 123

Well do you want him to come back or the Scott that you fell in love with? It sounds as if they are two different people.

Right now you are only going on one week of no contact so of course its going to be tough. The best thing to do is set goals for yourself with rewards. I personally believe in 60 days no contact after a breakup I think it gives you enough space to allow you to actually see what's going on. I usually set up a reward system for myself like after 2 weeks of no contact I get to go buy shoes after 4 weeks a massage... you get the point. You can do this so many people on here have all said they can't and its too hard but everyone is able to get over the hump and see it from the other side. You can do it too!

Everyone says your ex-boyfriend to give him space and miss you. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but then again its out of sight of mind. If he things he can't give you what you what you want, and you don't ask for much.. what do you do then? It seems like when I told him for the past year what was hurting me he took offense to it. I tried to discuss these things with him and then in turns he thinks I wasn't happy with him. I tried talking to him two weeks after we broke up, I asked him if he missed me and he said no, but I thought about you. Two years is some time to go with someone, and then to shut you out. If you discuss this with him he says its too much for his head, He is stubborn, way too stubborn on certain things, and he knows he is. He told me after our discussion he might call me that week if he was up to it, but then nothing. How can he go from something to nothing. DO I JUST WAIT IT OUT... it hurts... I never thought he would break up with me, I am shocked... After our discussion, two weeks after we broke up, the next day I texted him and asked him if he was ever going to be with me again, and said NOPE... IT JUST SEEMED SO HARSH... I just don't know please help

Well, the bottom line is it's over. Not a nice thing but it happens. You broke up for a reason , so that cues you that you weren't right for each other. Move on with your life and pursue other interests. You need to stay away from hm and have no contact with him whatsoever. Not so that he'll come back to you but so that you can move on. By continuing to hang on, even if it's only by a thread, you'll never be able to continue living your life. Forget him and shut him out of your life. That's what you need to do.

Yeah that's pretty harsh. But I've noticed that's the case with many break ups. There is always a harshness there. Maybe it's a repressed bitterness, I'm not sure, but either way it sounds like he has a shield up right now that's making him cold towards you. Is there anything you can do to warm him up? No. That's the sad reality. I'm in your same shoes, only it was a 4 year relationship, and after all the trying to get her back, and begging it only made things worst. From experience... wait. Dig deep down and get self control. Min. 3 Months of no contact, than way out your options. In the meantime he may contact you. Most people will probably tell you just to move on, and this probably is the right advice, however, depending on what was invested and the person involved / personality/circumstances... sometimes (although it seems rarely)…sometimes it could be worth it to try again. BUT YOU MUST DO IT WITH SELF CONTROL, for your own health, and because it depends on his feelings towards you as well. But for now, just take care of yourself and do things for yourself.

Try this: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-break-up-survive-101-use-you-wish-114179.html

If this doesn't work try this: AHHH!!

If that doesn't work ponder this: Someone ALWAYS circles back at least once... may as well be him. Go have fun. Unless he was desperate to get away - he'll be ready to talk one day. It may be about moving on or it may be about getting back but don't worry.

TRUST YOUR GUT.
If you still feel connected for the right reasons he probably does too.
If you all are meant to be it'll work out!
If not, you'll know in a few months...

PS - karma goes to the one who gave the most! So, consider that when pondering your fate.

Hugs A

I am ready to call or see my ex boyfriend and ask him if we can have a second chance. We did talk two weeks ago, it was me going to talk to him after he broke up with me a month ago. Saying he can't give me what I want. I don't want to feel desperate but at times I do feel like that. I thought I would mean more to him than that after 2 1/2 yrs. Of course he changed over the year, but it became my problem, financially and emotinally not available to me. I felt the pain over his change. I thought maybe he would have called me, but he hasn't. We have a couple of mutual friend, a women I work with who thought was my friend, and her husband who works with him. What hurts is this couple has been going on his boat with him every weekend since we broke up, we use to go together. For some reason I think its to get his mind off me. I have broke my communication off with this friend I work with. I don't think she has helped the situation, but I am unable to say a word because her husband works with him. They were friends before I met him and they are the one who introduced both of us together. We use to go out all together on the boat last year and a few times this year. But now since I am broke up with him, they keep him occupied every weekend with him and their daughter and her friends on the boat. I can deal with that, but what is she tellling him about me, maybe nothing, I don't know. But it hurts I thought she was my friend.. Nohting I can do about it, they were friends before me. No email from my boyfriend, no phone call, no text message, when we last talked a couple of weeks ago, he said if he felt up to it , he might call me during that week, but nothing. IT seems like he shuts me out when there is pressure. He is a very respectful man, he does have clincal depression for like twenty years, but you wouldn't know it, just in the winter he seems to get a little withdrawn. I know his house trying to sell it is a big burden on him. BUt in turn he has pushed me aside. I just won't understand how we broke up in one sentence he told me to come over a month ago, and then called me on the phone to tell me he had to pick a part in his car, and we would be doing something later, and I din't have the extra cash to go back over twice, and felt slighted when I was so close to his house, and then I turned around. THen that evening when this all happened I tried to explain, I didn't have the extra cash to go back again, and that I was so close to his house then and he said well you could have came over and then in the same sentence said I AM DONE... that is how we broke up... he thinks I am unhappy with these little things, but I didn't feel he was considering my feelings... I just don't know.. do I try and call him or just hurt inside when I have tried.. does he care or doesn't he... so upset

Girl you deserve someone that is going to be there all the time for you, not end things over something so reduclous. You seem like you have so much to offer someone. Let him be and if he calls then you do the talking and let him know how much he has hurt you. I can only bet that every time he has needed you, you have always been there for him. Don't be so there all the time for him and stop calling him and let him think about what he has done. Maybe he'll call and maybe he won't. But you deserve someone that loves you not someone that is going to hurt you. I know your hurting right now a great deal but time heals all wounds. And things will get better. And if you wondering what's going on so bad then ask his friend what he is thinking and what's going on with him. I hope you get what you want out of everything. Everything will get better just remember that the grass is always greener on the other side... and there is always light at the end of every dark tunnel...

Don't waste anymore time. When someone truly loves you they put the effort in. You are willing to right? That's because you truly love him. Anyone that feels the same about you should be willing to work on things. Keep yourself busy and stay away. Be strong and think about how many years you have lived without him. That might give you some perspective. Good luck

Either way you look at it, it's over. I know it's hard but you need to accept that fact and move on. Don't even worry about your mutual acquaintances or anything like that. Go on and live your life for you, without worrying about him or anyone else.

I am feeling kind of down today, as some people know my boyfriend of two yrs broke up with me a month ago. I talked to him a couple of weeks ago. I didn't ever think if would happen to me. He says he can't give me what I want and he knows I don't ask for much. I thought we had got past that. I just wanted his love and attention, as some know he has to sell his house, mortgage is too high, his mom died a couple of yrs ago. He is stubborn, he has been hurt over the past many years ago, just like we all have. I wonder if he will ever call, because too him I am pressure one more added thing to his life. He can't handle pressure like I am.. It was ridicuolous how we broke up, me supposedly suppose to come over and in the same sentence he was done. He things I wasn't happy with him. Everyone says he's not coming back just face it, don't waste your time, that hurts. I have tried real hard not calling him, for the past two weeks, and I haven't. People say give him space to miss you, but sometimes when a person is stubborn they won't give in because they can't handle it. Does he have feelings for me, or am I wasting my time. I do miss him. People say if I call him I am desperate and it will push him away further, but if he cared wouldn't he be thinking of me and trying to get hold of me. Sometimes I think the longer your away from each other is worse, well what is it.. lost and heartbroken... Denise

Yes, he's thinking about you...

But if it's a specific incident - call after a while... a month or so. And tackle it...

If, like most break-ups though it is a final fissure... and a need for space. GIVE SPACE - for at least 90 days...

It does give them space to miss you. You also have to use the time to work on yourself. Every relationship is a two way street and you made mistakes too. This is a good time to try to get an idea of what those were and learn ways to correct them.

A friend of mine once told me that in a situation like this, the ones that left spend a lot of time consciously not thinking about you... which means they think a lot about not thinking about you (which means they're thinking about you)

Interesting words their haplo lol! I don't forget my fellow class mates or the sites of my holidays over ten years ago. I still remember a childhood book which may have been read once or twice over 15 years ago. Of course your ex will think about you as you will think about them. I have got over people in my past, took a while but I did it. I usually only think about them once a week if that though.

It could just be a passing thought for them, but ex's do think about you and you about them. How can you not remember someone you've shared intimate moments with? Those who say they've forgotten, simply fib... no one forgets anyone... the definitions change, u may change but what we call memories.. always remain. It should not matter whether he is thinking of you or not, when the time comes, if he is willing to come back, he will find a way to find you... Patience is the key word... hold on to it.

They never forget how could youu forget they are memories. Especially idf you had some gret moments in the relationship they will remember and going no contact will not make them forget but sometimes even wonder about you more. People thin by contacting they won't forget well by not contacting they will wonder and will thjink of you evenmore. Why they haven't contacted andso fourth ill enter there mind! Recreate some mystery and bringthe passion back and therefore bring your ex back if they are willing...

I still remember my ex from 4 years ago don't think about it all the time and definitely do not want her back but I still remember the times we spent togethe and every now and then something will remind me of the times we spent although she was a psycho hahaha

I have been broken up from my ex boyfriend over a month. I haven't spoke to him in over two weeks, tried to be strong, no texts, no emails, no phone calls. He broke up with me says he can't give me what I want. I am simple, and he is more simpler. He had changed over the year, wasn't emtionally available. I was hurting because he wasn't as affectionate as he use to be and we were only seeing each other on the weekends now. I guess he thought I was nagging him, but I was hurting how he changed. He was under a lot of pressure, having now to sell his house he can't afford from his mom's death two yrs ago. I didn't know I was nagging him. I know he has some things of mine at his house, but I know if he gives them back to my mutual friends, its over, it scares me. A friend told me that doesn't mean anything if he does give them back, people can still go back to their ex boyfriends. My friends husband who is his best friend said to my ex boyfriend I THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE, AND MY EX BOYFRIEND SAID NO I AM NOT READY... I AM NOT DONE... I don't know what to believe... I haven't heard from him, nothing no phone call or nothing in two weeks.. I am scared... its so hard I am giving him space... but don't know what to do next or what is going to happen... please help...

You must move on as if it is over. You can't put your life on hold because he wants you to. Tell him or tell your friends to tell him that you want your stuff back and that your moving on.

Go on and live your life and do your thing. He may or may not come back. If he doesn't, you'll have the option of deciding whether to take him back. Don't structure your life around him as he is largely unavailable at the moment.

I would give him space and let him solve the problems he has on his plate right now.
He probably can't give you what you want right now, just plain and simple as that.
If you do ask for the things from the house it might mean the end, or just that they will not be tossed away when the house is sold. Period. Again, as simple as that.
When you see each other around, be cordial, don't question too much. When he gets himself sorted out he will let you know.

Sometimes good things do come to those who wait.

Good Luck.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

My gut feel is that he actually isn't ready. Relationships are sometimes just like deciding to have a baby... like you're sometimes you're not mentally prepared to have one, but it just happens. And when it happens, instead of making u feel happy, it drains you completely.. IF you're not mentally prepared. Same goes for relationships... it's lot of hard work and if one of the parties is more emotionally involved than the other, it chokes... that is what happened here. I suggest... u keep this thought of winning him over on the back burner... Time will help you... keep looking ahead for the time being... this is the best recourse u can adopt.

Instead of waiting for some to be ready, I would suggest you live your life, and let him deal with his own issues without any pressure from you. Be happy by doing the things you enjoy and the people you enjoy being with. Life is to short to be waiting for some one else to be ready for what you want.

Ok, some people know my situation, my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago, haven't talked in over two weeks. I do miss him terrible. We are both in our 50's, dated for like 2 1/2 yrs. Says he can't give me what I want, or doesn't know if he can. I have been very strong by not contacting him, its killing me inside. My last contact was as I said two weeks ago. But what hurts me we have mutual friends, they introduced us, a couple and daughter, they spend all the time on the weekend with him. She works with me, and her husband works with him.. It hurts.. her daughter was talking about it this morning at my job, I over heard it.. Sometimes I feel her mom isn't even my friend.. I couldn't do that to her, even know I know they were friends before me all of them. Its camp time now at our school so mom and daughter are there. It breaks my heart. TO think my ex boyfriend is going out boating every weekend, he has a boat. I am not jealous by no means, but then I wonder is he even thinking of me... here I am miserable at home. Never knew what I did to hurt him, he told my so called friend that I nagged him, he never told me that. That he didn't miss me but he thought of me.. But then when her husband said that she could give me the things back I left at his house, my ex boyfriend, told him he wasn't done, not ready yet. I wonder, he hasn't called.. The very last time I talked to him, he said he might call me during that week, that never happened. How can a boyfriend just turn it off, and not even be sorry for what he did.. He is stubborn, that I know. But I always thought he had that respect for me but I guess I was wrong.. Should I give up will he ever come to his senses, is he thinking about me, or is it over, it breaks my heart.. This is the first time I have never gave in anymore... please help... sad...

I'm so sorry I don't have any answers for you hon. I'm in the same boat you are my boyfriend of 7 years left me 3 weeks ago. I'm in a lot of pain also. I haven't contacted him since the day after he left. Absolutely no contact. I still hope he comes to his senses. We had a wonderful relationship. Our only dfference is I'm older then he is but that was never a problem. The attraction was always there. I have had some really good advice on this site. They have told me that he will probably realize what a mistake he's made giving up a good, loving and stable relationship. So I'm hangin in there hoping he does realize this soon. I hope you can hang in there too. And remember lots of people are in a lot of pain also so please don't feel alone... your not

Some know my boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago. WE went together a little over two years. He says he can't give me what I want, and doesn't know if he can ever give me what I want. I am simple and he is more simpler. He has changed over the past year,and he wasn't emotinally available for awhile now, and its hurt me and this is part of the problem.. he is going through a lot, with having to sell his house because the mortgage is too high. His mom died a couple of years ago.. I thought I stood behind him. Tried talking to him two weeks ago after we broke up, but as he said doesn't know if he can give me what I want. Haven't heard a word, and its breaking my heart. I was thinking about talking to him again, and asking him if we can have a second chance and work things out.. I don't know what to do, people say make no contact, but he is stubborn and he knows that, that's just his nature... not all the time.. but for now he is.. do I go to him or is it better when I stay away. Does he not care if he isn't callling me, and take that as a bad sign, or do I go and talk to him about a second chance.. then I am afraid, don't know what to do... please help

Do nothing! Absolutely nothing. Talking to him is what your heart is wanting but this will not change his mind. Do not let him fill you full of rubbish about how he cannot give you what you wantm this is a line for I don't want you! That's the truth I'm sorry to say an easy way out. If he is to come back the only reason ewill be because he realises you mean a lot to him and he wants you bacj=k in hs life.

Hi sully,

I think if you contact him now you will blow any chance of him wanting you back. I've heard enough people on this forum say that their ex's came back only after no contact. That's what I'm doing but now I realize that I need the no contact for me. And if he comes back ( If its not to late ) then that's a bonus. But I know if I contact him he won't figure out he misses me.

I've read all your other posts and feel your pain. I honestly think you should be leaving him alone at this time, and start moving on with your life. He is not ready for a relationship with you, and you should accept it, and move on. No contact will not bring him back, that's up to him, and only him, so forget false hope, and let the no contact help you get over the hurt and pain, so YOU can move on, and find your own happiness. It will take time, and it isn't easy, but do this for yourself. Good luck, and I'm sorry for your loss.

He has told you he cannot give you what you want and never will be able to. That's a pretty big statement on his part and a pretty honest one at that. Why are you not listening to what he has said to you? Men are pretty simple they say what they mean and they mean what they say. They do not encode their words the way that women do. He is telling you he is not for and its time to move on. I know its hard to believe but that's the truth.

Leave him alone and try to start moving on with your life. No contact is not for getting that person back its for you to help you heal. You cannot heal when you have a constant communication line with your ex. Believe me 3 months from now you will feel much different.

Hey second chances rarely work... only if both ends are willing and that too after a lot of hard work and communication. In your case, it may sound bitter, but it may not work simply because this guy isn't ready and you definitely can't get him into it. So best option is to let time tell what holds for you... as of today, this guy has gone from your life... you run after him.. he'll run further away... your choice!

I am feeling very down today, as some people know I have been broken up from my boyfriend about five weeks, no contact in three weeks, trying to be strong. But yesterday reading all my answers I felt so discouraged. I am more bummed out than ever now. I thought by no contact they would think about coming back, but from everyone's opinion, it seemed like it's just for me to heal and go on with my life. It's easier said than done.. some people can brush it off, and go on it's easy for them. I am one of the individuals that take a person really too heart. So I guess some people don't get second chances. Everything I have read by No Contact I thought they would miss you more.. I thought their was some hope.. but now I don't feel the same.. am I wrong?

[QUOTE=sully123] I am one of the individuals that take a person really too heart. /QUOTE]


You are no different to anyone else ! We all take it to heart. You have to risk the hurt to risk the love... That is part of life. You still have an emotional connection to this person. NC will allow that connection to go... you to heal and be happy again.

Problems in a relationship need to be solved whilst in a relationship, not after the end. NC for the dumper might mean that they miss the time of being with you and may look more favourable to a reconsilation... But they left because they were unhappy. Might not have been any fault on your part, you may want different things, you may just not be compatible.

But you now need to remember this: Before you knew this person you were healthy and whole, you did not miss them because you did not know them. You are now single and you do not know your next love, you will not miss your next love because you do not yet know them. Once you do, it will then be them you miss...

I have been broken up with my boyfriend for five weeks now, and I talked to him three weeks ago at his house, after the break-up.Says he can't give me what I want and doesn't know if he ever can, he said he just doesn't know. I don't ask for much. Well last night I left him a message saying it was me, around 7 pm on Friday night, and said hope your doing OK and said I miss talking to you.. all right.. and good-bye. Did I blow it, we were together for 2 1/2 yrs... I had been so strong with the NC... and didn't hear a word.. Did I do wrong... please help

I think that it would be best that if you are seeking out a relationship with someone, that you seek out someone else. He obviously isn't interested. If he was, then he would be responding to you and also trying to contact you.

You can play the games with your mind and heart all that you want. That is your choice. But, the writing seems to be on the wall.

Why do you want to keep beating yourself up and dragging yourself over the coals? There are plenty of fish in the sea. If having a relationship with someone is one of the things that you seek, then you will find another. I know that there are plenty of men who also seek out relationships with women. You just go to the kinds of places where you might catch up with them.

You are a strong person. You can move on with your life.

After having many failed relationships myself, and then moving on with my life, that is my opinion, anyway.

It sounds like he's made up his mind and is moving on. You need to do the same. Don't call or contact him anymore.

Well, you've gone 3 weeks so now you know you can do that and go for six. Once you get to that point it should be easier. Just keep moving forward.

If you would stop dangling on the fence, and make up your mind to get over him, it will be easier not to contact him again. Your still harboring hope he will change his mind, and take you back. Understandable, but please get over him, and that is what no contact is about. Are you doing the things necessary for no contact to work? Such as building a life that you enjoy without him, with family and friends and hobbies, and work. Or are you sitting on a pity pot, pining away for some little morsel of his attention??

Some know, boyfriend broke up six weeks ago with me, hadn't had contact in three weeks. Ok, don't know if I was wrong but broke down and went to talk to him at his house. We talked for about 1/2 hour. He told me our mutual friends, that introduced us was coming over to go boating with him. The wife I work with and her husband is his best friend and their daughter and some of her friends.He sid he wanted to give me head's up because I told him in the past I don't want them knowing my business anymore.. He said it was up to me to stay or leave. Jokingly I said why can't I go, he laughed. We talked a little longer, he was pleasant, but very stressed. His house is up for sale and he has to sell it, because he can no longer keep the mortgage up, its too high. He's upset, because the house across the street sold, and the one on the other side sold. I ASKED HIM IF HE WAS STRESSED, AND HE SAID WHAT DO U THINK? During the conversation he said why don't I call u tonight which was Sunday night. Me being impatient couldn't wait and called him that night, and he was on the other line and asked if he could call me back.. I said sure, well he did call back, but he is emotionally dead inside, I asked him how is boat ride was and he said relaxing, and we talked mainly about both of our works, tried to keep it light, no pressure. I ended the conversation and said I guess your tired and he said I am beat.I said good night and he said bye. He has clinical depression and sometimes he is a hard nut to crack. I know the other side of him, his friends don't see it, I do.. Why we broke up was he couldn't give me what I want, he says, and I don't ask for much, weeks ago.. He isn't able to deal with his house and me, and I am sure he says its not me its him and that;s probably why he ended it, or maybe he just does't want to be with me, but his depression has a lot to do with it.. But I don't understand sometimes. I tried calling him two nights after this, when we talked Sunday night, because I am worried about him, but he hasn't returned my phone call, left a kind message. Is it me or the clinical depression why he has walked away, or do I try and be his friend.. do I call him again, to see if he is OK.. don't know what's right. We are grown adults in our 50's... hurting..

You need to let him go and work through his problems.. alone..

Don't contact him , work on yourself and why you are attracted to a depressed guy.

I would leave him alone and move on, as rol said he needs to work out his issues. For you, you need to heal and find a new life without him.

You live in the Jersey Shore? Cool I've been there, in my post no contact when ex contact you,I wrestle with the same questions Sully. Same thing w/him, mom died couple of years ago,been hurt before my goodness, I hope were not talking about the same guy:)
Anyway, I heard they do think about you,just send it out there give them time, they do call you, but rememebr just because they call doesn't mean thing are back the way it was, I learned the hard way, write me a message or post, wow so much in common

Been broken up since mid July as some people know, were both in our 50's. He is the one who broke up since he said he couldn't give me what I want, he was emotionally unavailable and had changed over the past year. We had been together 2 1/2 yrs. I did have contact with him stopped by on Labor Day, and he had a real estate lady over, said he would call me back later on when he was done. He did keep his word. He called back that evening and we talk over an hour. I asked him if we could talk one night during the week because I was going on the cruise that weekend. He said there was nothing too talk about, he kept on saying he just doesn't know. THe last part of the conversation he told me the best thing you could do for me is take care of yourself. He said I have your phone number if I call you.. (that told me don't call I will call you). He said sometimes I think maybe if I would have done things different this wouldn't of happened.. I said yes we wasted the whole summer. IT was very emotional for both of us.I said good nght and he said good bye.. I texted him that Friday two weeks ago, right before I left if he could call me.. He texted me back that night and said there's nothing more to talk about.. and said move on... I was crushed... THe night before my cruise.. I left a message for him at home and said I didn't want to talk about us, I just you would tell me to have a good time.. I said I didn't deserve this and to be treated excuse me like crap.. someday you would regret it.. he had changed.. I am crushed. I went on my cruise and thought a lot its been two weeks since I have NC and don't attend to, I am too hurt.. I know he has clinical depression for years and the death of his mom two years ago, and selling his house he grew up in because he can't afford the mortgage. I have been so sympathetic and tried to stand behind him, and now he doesn't even care. He was always the type of person that was deep and would think if he hurt me.. But I know he isn't depressed like that he is functioning and going on his boat, he had bought it at the time because its something we both just loved.. I am trying to be strong its been two weeks of NC, but its killing me.. Will he ever call or is he just messed up in his head...

Nobody can predict whether he will call. You need to let it go and move on. Continuing to pine over him is not healthy and won't do you any good. Accept that it's over and pursue other interests.

Have been broken up about three months now, went together over two years. I kind of have closure on our relationship, thanks to me, asking if he could talk to me on Labor Day. He said he was sorry for hurting me, and he never meant to hurt me, like I never meant to hurt him. He said he had my number if he wanted to call me, which tells me I have your number don't call me. I did call him one other time a few weeks ago, cut the conversation short just a little over a minute. I asked him if he was OK, and I did miss talking to him, and what ever he is going through when ever he is ready to call, it would be nice to hear from him. So maybe we could be friends down the line. Just in the last few weeks a mutual friend who I work with told me he is dating since six weeks after we broke up. The first one didn't work out and now he is dating a second one. The mutual friend is the one that brought us together originally. I knew now it was time to never ever call him again. He had moved on, like I should. I was hurt to think after spending a couple of years with someone, that they just can drop you like that. No one ever cheating in the relationship or anything he had just changed. He was emotinally unavailable. I felt it over the past year, and I was on him for it the past year or so. I thought he was going through something after his mom's death a couple of years ago, and still trying to sell his house. He always told me he was stressed. I thought he would come to his senses, but he moved on. I don't know how he couldn't even handle us. How can they just forget and toss you away that your nothing. I actually have kind of kept my distance from my mutual friend also, because she plays two sides, and I work with her, and her husband works with my ex boyfriend. Tell me that's what they think of you, just to forget about you.. how much respect did they have just to forget and move on..

I have been broken up for about five months now from a two year relationship. Ok, he broke up with me, he was unavailabe emotionally over the past year. From friends I know he has moved on, and he is dating a girl from New York, were from Jersey. WE are both in our fifties. He has clinical depression for years, and is a simple person, and kind of a home buddy, if you know what I mean. I saw everyside of him, and felt all his stress he was going through. But what I can't understand, he doesn't have a lot to offer someone, except for his heart, which was fine for me. But this woman I heard is out of state, lives an hour and a half away. He could hardly afford the gas to come to my house at the time which I live twenty minutes away.. we did see each other.. but this woman has money and that isn't his make up. I don't get it, he went out with her three months after he met me, and are still together.. Someone can change that fast, and be head over heals, and she has money and this isn't him. I don't get it, is it nice girls finish last.. He always told me it wasn't me, it was him and he was going through a lot. How can they forget and move on and their personality change, will this work with this new one.. Need answers..

"will this work with this new one..?" Do you know how they met? How long have they known each other?

"nice girls finish last" I don't think this is accurate in assessing one's results on the playingfield called romance.

Depression in it's self could play a big part in this situation. We all crave emotional closeness but when depression is involved the person may not be able to make a connection to others. He may have feelings of guilt that he's bring others down with him. It may be that letting anyone in makes him feel vulnerable, much like standing in a crowed of people naked. It could be that he is searching for someone who can brake through his depression and fears. Perhaps it could be a combination of all the above. I don't know if this is the case where he is concerned but it makes sense that he would chose someone who he can feel some closeness to yet keep at a distances. Depression is hard to understand and can be unpredictable sometimes. Regardless of his reasons he has moved on and you need to do the same. I don't think nice girls finish last, I think they just pick the wrong guys to fall in love with. You've spent 5 months of your life wasted on asking "Why?" now it's time to start asking yourself "What next?" Pick yourself up and move on.

Stop comparing yourself to others, and dwelling on what somebody else is doing, and love yourself enough to be happy. Its you holding back your grief and anger, and you must accept it, and let it go. Put that part of your life behind you, and look forward to what comes next, wish him well, but think, good riddance.

I know exactly how you are feeling sully. I too have been brokenup for 5 months now and my ex moved on immediately... It sometimes seems we need the answers to why this happened before we can move on... BUT most likely you and I will never get those answers so we have to find the strength inside us to just let it go and find someone else that knows how great we really are. These losers couldn't see how much we had to offer and will someday regret what they've done... Until then loving ourselves is our best option and soon someone will see how special we really are.

Ok, I dated for over two years with this gentlemen, and we broke up last July, haven't been together since then. I am sure he has another girlfriend, and that's OK. But something really bothers me. I just lost my Dad four weeks ago, and was sick in the hospital for over four weeks before that, so it wasn't pleasant for me to go through. Well what really hurts me, we have a mutual friend that I work with, that introduced a couple of years ago. Her husband works with my ex boyfriend. What I don't understand this mutual friend told him my Dad passed away, and I texted him to just let him know. Well I don't get is when we were dating he lost him Mom, and I was right by his side. How can a man with respect for someone, not even acknowledge a card, an email or paying his respects when I lost my Dad.. is a person that heartless or is this the real him.. Just wondering...

Sometimes people just don't know what to say when confronted with information like that.

It's just as likely that he had no idea what to say or do, so chose to do nothing rather than do the wrong thing.

For whatever reasons, he never acknowledged your pain. Leave it alone, as its not his problem, to console you, even if that's what you expected, he doesn't feel the same, so move on.

Just moved on, which my girlfriend and my ex was there when my father passed away but people have different ways of showing there feelings toward stuff like this

Ok, I dated this gentlemen up until aug of 07, for over two years. Nothing major, just he got upset and called it quits.. I tried for a few months to get back together, then just gave up, figured if it was meant to be then it would happen. A few weeks ago, I texted him, just wondering how things were after fourteen months.. He text back the next day, and we were texting during the last couple of weeks. To back up a second, after we broke up, a few months later he was dating another person.. I had heard.. but that was OK, we weren't together then. To make a long story short, last weekend, he text me and we met and sat and talked for a couple of hours.. it was nice, he hugged me and it actually was like we had never left each other.. He asked me what I wanted out of the relationship.. friends or what.. I said I didn't know.. he text me a couple days later.. asking me if I enjoyed myself that night.. I said I did.. As I said we met up last weekend.. had a nice time.. text here and there this week.. but no phone call.. texting is so informal.. but I don't want to push the issue.. Should I just leave the ball in his court.. and just take it slow.. or what do I do?

Yep. To me it sounds like you're doing it correct. Take your time. I would suggest really busy yourself with other stuff... if you think too much about this you'll put more pressure on it and probably get hurt if it doesn't work.

Just enjoy the friendship for now.

I agree with JohnD, doing other things you enjoy would be a great way to keep yourself from being to pushy, or getting carried away, especially since this is the second time around.

Let him contact you.

Good Luck.

Thank you and I will just do that!

Just an update, went with my ex boyfriend for over two years. We broke up summer of 2007. I heard from his last month, and we met up and talked for two weekends in a row. We are both in our fifties. It was nice, but his lifestyle of porn really bothers me. We did decide we both didn't want a relationship, we would remain friends. But I know he wants friends with benefits. What bothers me, he dated other people after we broke up. He never cheated or anything like that. I haven't seen him now in about three weeks, its just his lifestyle he does porn, and that he didn't do when we were together for those couple of years. Ok, what bothers me he is really back into it now. I just think he is going down the wrong road. What bothers me is when he texts me, he has always been talking sexual text's. Actually I have never heard him like this to the point, almost obessed with it. I was never an experimental person, guess I am more on the old fashion side, which was find with him before. What is the reason people get into this, it seems like an addiction. I tried to ignore the little sexual things he says to me, at times I think he still cares about me, but then this... I know each to their own, but what can I say? He tells me I am hot, lol.. what do I do?

If you're not comfortable with it, then you don't have to be involved in it.

Don't feel obligated to get back together with him (or give him the benefits he wants) if you don't want to.

Stay friends if you care to. Just tell him that you're still not comfortable, that nothing has changed, and you don't want him to talk about that with you.

Iam a man over 50 two. My gal and I joke about me forgetting to do my midlife crisis. Some men are sexaholic. So men need sex to feel wanted and equate love that way. I noticed with me a young attractive girl is nice to look at but at my age it doesn't get me all excited. I think as a man gets older he needs more stimulation and the mind needs to overcompensate for what was lost in physical reaction down there. A man can overreact to compensate for this IE more porn wilder fantasies. More stimuli to get the whole body to react. The porn he most likely ALWAYS did. Just didn't share that with you before "old fashion side" And wasn't sure how you would react to it the first time you were a couple. Now the second time around he is letting it all hang out. I can't think for him and don't know him but I am giving you basic man stuff as a man around that age. I would look it this way a man tells a woman at 50+ that she is HOT cherish that. Now it depends on your idea of being an object for sex and what do you get in return. That sounds crude but many couples have there trade off. Obviously you need more than just sex and so should he if there is going to be a complete relationship. My gal use to be upset with me looking at porn until she realized it wasn't about her that way. She did the jealousy thing. Now she enjoys stories and some porn. We don't let it become a habit or a I need it to get started so we can have sex. I am lucky my gal in mid fifties is real HOT to me. I also make sure she knows that an she is No in our life and bedroom. That still doesn't mean I can't get excited looking at another attractive person. Obsessed with it Can be really relative especially to an old fashion gal. Really sit down and say your feelings and where you stand and hopefully he will to. Get into it. Maybe there is a middle or not for you both. I hear a lot of women complain about porn and sometimes for good reason. But guess what. I could easily say a woman gets dressed up to look attractive and actually puts on makeup for what? A sexy bathing suit for what? That's two little pieces of cloth to porn. See the point. Our forefathers would look at your beaches and say the devil is here and that's PORN to them. It all relative There is nothing wrong with LOOKING at a naked beautiful body look at our public statues. So you need to find out if you think its normal or not for you. P.S. be careful of S.T.D.

The only thing you really can go by is what made you leave him?
IF he wasn't into porn during the time you were together but was before and after he could just be using the porn as a 'replacement' for what he doesn't have. Problem is you can not be sure that if you got back together he would be willing to give it up again for sure.
If your instincts and lifestyle and your past history with him leaves you feeling in the negative about it then don't get back together.

Thank you to all for so much of your help..

He tells me I am hot, lol.. what do I do?

You do nothing, since it didn't work before and nothing has changed. Live your own life and let him live his.

You already know what the score is with him, so keep an emotional distance.

real HOT to me. I also make sure she knows that an she is No in our life and bedroom. That still doesn't mean I can't get excited looking at another attractive person. Obsessed with it Can be really relative especially to an old fashion gal. Really sit down and say your feelings and where you stand and hopefully he will to. Get into it. maybe there is a middle or not for you both. I hear a lot of women complain about porn and sometimes for good reason. But guess what. I could easily say a woman gets dressed up to look attractive and actually puts on makeup for what?! A sexy bathing suit for what?! thats two little pieces of cloth to porn. see the point. Our forefathers would look at your beaches and say the devil is here and thats PORN to them. It all relative There is nothing wrong with LOOKING at a naked beautiful body look at our public statues. So you need to find out if you think its normal or not for you. P.S. be careful of S.T.D.


I have always found that what men find attractive or sexy is not what women think attracts them. When we first met I was always carefully made up, hair combed, high heels because he was considerably taller than I am.

Then I found out that he loved the look, first thing in the AM, no makeup, "bed head" (as he kindly described a long, tangled jumble) - or jeans, a t shirt, sneakers and a baseball cap with my ponytail hanging out of the back of the cap.

More women should ask "their" men - and listen to what they say.

(And as far as looking at other men/women - you're in a committed relationship. You aren't dead.)

Guy sounds like an , u should definitely not bother trying to talk to him again, friends are another story, if you know for sure they are talking about you to him then yes ditch them too.

I don't understand why you think the guy sounds evil or something. It is his business to move on and his right to move on. This is what happens after break ups. It sucks, but it is life. People have every right to do whatever they want when you aren't together anymore. Maybe he is needy and cannot handle being alone, who knows, but does it matter?

You two don't owe each other anything. You are as free to do whatever you want as he is. Forget the friends thing and just get your own life together. I am sure he didn't forget about you, but this is how he copes with loss. Everyone is different.