Hi.
I'm 18 and I have a really big problem. (it's kind of long, please try to read through it all... )
There is a girl which is a really good friend of mine, at least I think so, and we have a group of people we usually hang out with, we're all good friends and we have lots of fun.
I know this girl for about 6 years and I've been in love with her already 5 years, at this part it gets comlicated, as you know between every couple of opposite gender friends which one of them falls in love the other. Anyway, I didn't know 5 years ago what to do with these feelings so I just tried to compress it and maybe it'll go away. But three years ago I just couldn't hold it in anymore and I've dicided to ask her out (it was on her birth day and I did the stupidist thing and asked her on the MSN, and it was written as a happy birthday blessing, and at the end I asked her out.) it took her several minutes to answer and when she did she wrote a long paragraph about how she would have dated me if we weren't friends and that she really likes me but she has some kind of polacy with her self that she won't date friends. I just replied OK, and said that I respect her decision and said to myself that I've tried, and I saw she's not intrested and thought for the moment that its not worth while. I still loved her so much and I couldn't let myself to look for other girls just because I felt like there is still a chance. Two years later a friend of mine and hers asked her out too, and she gave him the same reason why not, which put me in propotion of what is her status and I kept my silnece ti'll about two mothes ago a nother friend of ours dicided to ask her out, and she said no, and the reason was that because he asked she decided to date friends, and that if she agrees to him, it wouldn't be fair to whom asked first. This would have supposibly needed to make me happy, but she went to the friend that asked her out after me, which he knew that I still have fillings for her and she said to hime that she's willing to give him a chance, which made him super exited but he asked her why not ask me first, and she said that she didn't think I was relevant after three years. So he agreed to go out with her, and they went out on one date and she didn't seem so intrested at anithing he said or do, which made him have second thoughts, any way, I saw that it wasn't so well between them and decided to tell her face to face that I know what went on and I understand that she must've thought diffrently, but I'm still intrested. And she looked like she was moved but said that it's really a pitty because she's now dating her and if I asked a week earlier she would have even agreed but aslong as she was with him she couldn't accept. I have just said OK and that I want what's best, and she left. A week after she broke up with him and before I knew it she was dating some other guy, about an year older which I don't know at all and never met, it seems to be going well, she doesn't talk of him atall near me. And anyway. Tomorrow she's leaving for a trip with relitives and when she comes back she's joining the army (which is an obligation in israel where I leave) and I don't know if I'll see her much and I don't know if I'll know when she brakes up with that guy and if I would, I don't know if I should try again. More then this I'm finding it really troubelling for me to try to meet other girls, because I have a too low self-assteam and I wouldn't know where to look, more then that it's hard for me because I don't really know what I want in a girl but I do know that whatever it is, she has it all. Anyway, can you give me advice for how to go on, or how should I act and what should I do?
Sorry it's so long but I had to tell you the history so you could understand and I needed to poor it out somehow.
Thanks for at least reading bigger thanks if you answer. :)

Ok, Listen, from your question, she's only been dating guys. Maybe she really likes you and doesn't know what exactly to do with those feelings. Maybe she feels she shouldn't even like girls! Or maybe she's trying to separate if it's love or just lust. Both feelings feel very much the same but are very tricky to separate the two.

Still have strong feelings for her? And she's going into the army? Write her an e-mail. I say write because if you tell her face-to-face she might feel intimidated, And if you tell on the phone she might feel like she's forced to give you an answer right there.
Wright her an e-mail where it gives her some time to read it on her own and it also gives her a chance to think a lot to herself. So she can make the right decision.

In the letter tell her exactly how you feel. Don't hold anything back. Tell her that after all these years you still like her and care about her. That she doesn't know how the relationship will turn out if you don't try. There's no hard feelings in trying. If she feels uncomfortable about the relationship. Then you just have to accept that she's not ready to accept being Bi-curious.

If you find out she doesn't feel the same way, you can get over it. You'll probably cry for like three days, and no, you won't forget your feelings. But you have to tell yourself at that point, that she's not ready.

That should get your mind in a set state that you have to move on.
Do you really want to meet other girls, but your shy? Go to MATCH.COM , you just put up a picture and you fill out a couple of questions, and they will send girls to you!

Good Luck!

Thaks for anwering, altought I got the impression you think I'm a girl... well... no, I'm a guy... but never the less, your suggestion is very helpful, thank you. I would appriciat it if there would be some more answers later because I would like to see more then one POV.
Thanks.

I think you should kiss her before she leaves so all she can think about is you...
Maybe it will be like a movie...

Lol, yeah... and make this "soap" a complete one... oh... how I wish sometimes it could be as easy as that. By the way, it appears that her plane leaves in two days and not today, which means that there is still a little time for my move... problem is I have no idea what to do.

Go up to her and be like... ive been waiting to do this all my life kiss her and be like this is how I feel and probably won't change please just think about me

Yeah... it might be great thinking of it, but even if I do that it could blow away anything we already got... I don't think the solution for this is to just go up to her and kiss her against her will, life isn't a movie and no video game, you can't go back and change what you did after it's done. Besides, that kind of thing is what jerks usually do. I don't consider myself as one. :-\

Can some one please help me? I'm trying to find a good solution or at least know if giving up ut the right thing to do? Please help. I'm supposed to have one more chance in about a week or so, when she comes back from her trip, which will be a five day period between the trip and the start of her boot-camp. Hopefully, I'll have some more time in the weekends which when she's already joind the army, she will be able to go home about every other week. Plus, she doesn't live far so getting to her isn't suppose to be a problem. So once again, please help me... :)

It sounds as if its almost a comedy of errors - that it just is never the right time. I would accept that. If she was really interested and knew you were really interested I would imagine she would have pursued you instead of dating the older guy.

If it would make you feel better I would tell her one more time how you feel. Maybe even in a letter and give it to her before you leave. Then allow her to make her move from there. She will know without a doubt how you feel. However, it may be unproductive with her going into the army. You may just have to let it go until she's out. You should not be sitting around waiting for someone. Get out and live your life.

As sad as it may sound, I've expected to this answer and yet I still hoped someone knew a way around. But I guess there is no use living in hope for something which isn't there...
Although I am afraid that she was acctually interested and thought that I will go on. Anyway, this is, I think, too complicated to see if you haven't lived it or at least saw it all happen. It is way too long for me to explain.
I would be happy to hear more oppinions. Thank you GlidaofOz.

Maybe seeing this from a girl's perspective may help some. I'm not saying that she is feeling exactly like this, but it is highly probable.

She thinks you are great looking, smart, fun to be around, etc. but she has never felt anything romantic for you. She really cares about you and even loves you in a non-romantic sort of way. She gets the vibe that you care about her in a more than friends way, and it scares the crap out of her. The last thing I wants was to lose your friendship because she truly values it. But it's just not the same type of feelings you have for her.

She can't tell you that she's not interested in you romantically because she's not really sure why she's not, she's just not, and if she tells you she's not interested in you that way, she risks losing you as a friend. That's the last thing she wants. She doesn't want to hurt you or lose you, so she's stuck. She probably didn't have strong feelings for the other friend she actually dated, even though she had a physical attraction to him. She probably thought it was okay to date him because he was not as much of a friend as you are to her, so there was less to lose by breaking up with him.

But now that she's broken up with him, she has to immediately attach herself to another guy because she actually fears you asking her out. She knows she will say no again because of her deep friendship-love for you and her non-romantic feelings for you, so if she's not available, it keeps you from asking. And she can't go out with you because it will ruin your friendship. Imagine if you find out that you don't make a good couple. Where there goes the friendship, and she is NOT going to risk that. And something deep down tells her that you won't make a good couple.

It's not logical, but that's the way many women think about dating friends.:(

WOW! Thank you so much! I thought it would be a little like this, I too did try to see it from her perspective, and by how we talk, how she laughs of my jokes, it makes me happy to think that she might acctually like me as a friend. And if this is the way it is, I think that I do know now what to do. I got to let her go for a while, maybe I would somehow get over her, then no damemge done, but if I won't I will give her time, maybe if we would be apart for long enough she won't consider our friendship valuable enough to not let dating a try. Thank you again everyone. I would be still happy to hear some more oppinions and see all your ideas and thoughts about the subject.