CAN YOU WIN HER BACK?


NO action required. It's only her that determines that... the less you do. The more you do. ReallyIf everyone here followed this maybe more would find they do get there ex back!!

And maybe even more will find out that they won't be coming back a lot more quick than hanging around delaying the inevitavle.

Confused is a word used a lot in many threads, really the only one confused is you, confusing yourself trying to work out what why or how things went wrong and how could they do this.

Simple they arnt that into you anymore, but to many people who get dumped just can't understand why and really some times there is no explanation except the dumper does not want you and whatever they said in the past is irrelevant only today counts, and yes they can be upset and I tell you what in many situations if you had of dumped them one day before you got dumped there world would have folded and they would probably be on here. So the best thing to do is walk away straight away and turn you being dumped into them being dumped as well. Put them in your shoes don't let them have a fall bak. Tell them if that's what they want you can't wait!! And definitely don't listen to there crap if you loved me you would wait, reply with " If you loved me you wouldn't need a break!!

It's that simple!!


Wish it was though so hard to do this, but it's the correct way, Why wait on someone who needs to think about weather they want to be with you!!

Makes you look like a loser when you think about it and no one wants to be with someone like that so whaen someone is deciding on you help them out!!

Don't let them decide your better than that, HEll they arnt the decision maker and as soon as they think you are as soon as someone better comes along they will once again yhave to take a break and make a decision!!

Never wait NEVER and always let them know everything is fine and you will be OK. Don't EVER CALL!! EVER EVER

Yeah totally agree,
Its so hard of course at the beginning to do that but it's the best thing to do,
Go tell them to pack their bags .lol

Thank you! I booked my ticket to london to visit my "gf" long before she decided to not want to see me anymore. Why? I don't know what is going in her head I think she is really confused... cough 4 years later. But that is not the point, at least now I know I am not going to go chasing her. I guess if she wants to see me then she will call. She knows I'm there. Right?

Mac, I think you've been told that by a lot of us.

Yeah nc!

Hmm.... I guess you're right..

Its all true unless someone wants all of you they get none of you. Bravo for spelling it all out mc!

Yeah. We know. We've been saying this for a while. Except most of us don't believe in this as a method for winning them back like you do.

Most of us believe this to be the best method for moving on.

BIG DIFFERENCE!

No skell most want to win bvack that's why they are on here if they didn't want to win back they wouldn't come on here they would just be happy and moved on by now. Probably wouldn't have visited this site if didn't want advice on getting the ex back So this is how or what should be done. Your just bitter no one wants to move on they want to know how to get back in.. So at least I'm helping not like your negative move on attitude.

If someone wants to move on they don't need advice on that its pretty simple move on!!

No skell most want to win bvack thats why they are on here if they didnt want to win back they wouldnt come on here they would just be happy and moved on by now. Probly wouldnt have visited this site if didnt want advice on getting the ex back So this is how or what should be done. Your just bitter no one wants to move on they want to know how to get back in.. So at least im helping not like your negative move on attitude.

If someone wants to move on they dont need advice on that its pretty simple move on!!!!
Damn straight!:D

You know what mac? The funny thing is that you are right. Most people do come here looking for ways to win back there ex. Including me. That exactly why I came here.

It is just that some of us are intelligent enough to listen to other wiser and more experienced people who advise that using tactics and games to in back an ex isn't a good idea.

Why would you want to win someone back who doesn't really want to be with you anyway. Doesn't sound like love to me. But then again your idea of love seems a helluva lot different to mine and many others.

Also if the relationship failed the first time why will it work this time? What differences are there between now and then? Most times the people that come here will admit there are no changes. So why should things be different this time?

Mac I'm not bitter at all. I'm quite happy. Very happy in fact. I got happy by accepting that my relationship was over and that the games and tactics will not bring her back. And if they did why would it work this time. I was able to accept that she didn't want me and move on.

Something that was hard and struggled with but eventually achieved. I'm not bitter. I just try and help others achieve the same thing.

We will have to agree to disagree. You're a big fan of tactics and games that as far as I see only keep you on the same round about. You can't get off it and you can't move on despite what you say. Every post you make revolves around what to do manipulate the feelings and thoughts of your ex? IT doesn't focus on your thoughts or feelings at all. Your trying to control what other people think by playing games.

I on the other hand gave up the games long ago and focused on the one persons feelings and actions that I can control.

You'll be surprised how much it helped.

I only encourage others to try it as well because I know how much it helps.

From the recent threads you have started it doesn't appear that your tactics or games are helping you. Rather they seem to be creating a lot more confusion for you. Good luck with that!

Mckenzie134, No Skell most want to win back that's why they are on here if they didn't want to win back they wouldn't come on here
You are correct as everyone wants that magic secret to get that ex back.


They would just be happy and moved on by now.
Probably wouldn't have visited this site if didn't want advice on getting the ex back
They came here confused and in shock, just as you did. Not thinking clearly and far from happy.

So this is how or what should be done.
As in your case and others the main focus was to get you happy with yourself (healing) and be able to deal with your situation and emotions in a positive constructive way that could benefit yo in the long run. And give up false hope and being stuck on stupid.


Your just bitter no one wants to move on they want to know how to get back in.. So at least I'm helping not like your negative move on attitude.
To date you haven't gotten any one ex back, even when you thought you had yours back you found out every thing was different and even more to the point where is she now???

If someone wants to move on they don't need advice on that its pretty simple move on!!
If it were that easy I wouldn't have as many posts as I do, and focusing your resentments on Skell is so wrong, since all you have to do is click on his name and see the changes and the progression he has made from desperate to well adjusted, due to him accept ting life and working on healing. You on the other hand are bitter and spreading things you cannot control, and can't even prove it works and you should take that other garbage back to those other sites and stop spreading false hope to those that may not know better. That's why I publicly disagree with you.

If I'm wrong let me know, but first prove you can get someone elses ex back for more than just coffee and do-nuts.

The truth is 99% of the ones who have come here really don't want the ex back, because they have gotten healthy and see the exes for what they really are, and not blinded with some very strong emotions. No doubt they will have healthy relationships in the future, when they are ready. When you get over the bitterness and hard feelings and drop the games and tricks so will you. And any one who wants to know the truth can just click on your name and see where it all started.

Even if you connive and get an ex back what do you have but dishonesty. It will never work. They are called ex's for a reason.

I have gotten my ex back once. My method of not contacting did work although it must be in the right situation and done the correct way. By the way I am not with her at the moment. Although I new whet I should be doing its harder to stay in no contract than you think.

I disgree with yiou and skell thinking people come here to heal. Maybe that is the advice that you give them and in hind sight healing themselves is also giving them the best chance of gettinbg there ex to return, fopr if the are truly willing to heal and work on themselves then they will not be contacting the ex from day one. Which is one of the best methods for getting and ex to return if possible.

Answering your other question about where is my ex?? Well I didn't quite get her back but that was because I used the wrong method too much chasing pushed her away. I do know what would have probably brang her back and that is what I am trying to help others with although not many will listen as they follow there heart and don't listen to the advice anyhow...

Yes they can click on my name and find out my story which I must admit was a lot different from a lot of the cheating hoars many of the guys are with on here. This is one reason I was attempting to get her back because she was not leaving for another guy and well she wanted to be single, so she said. Yet tal you told me she is at that stage in her life 22 where she wants to grow herself well how does this add up when she leaves and then has another boyfriend 3 months later that doesn't mean she wants toi be single??

Just means I should have kept her more keen and used some more tactics to keep her more interested... Instead of trying to have a happy life with her and make a\us both happy I should have been leeting her worry and keep her on a string. I know a good relationshop re\quires bith of you to be happy but keeping her liking me that bit morer than I like her will normally keep her around and well that's a good thing when they are younfg why not go with what's workingm if I don't have her someone else will.

Mckenzie, You should not have to go through playing games with a girl to get her to want you back. She should just love and want you for who you are. My heart breaks for you. I hope that you can move on. I truly can see that you are in pain. But I really believe that there is someone else waiting for you, but if you don't let this go with your ex, how will you ever be able to notice a new girl.

Your still trying to hold on dude, and your bitter, and dissapointed about this breakup. I understand that. You can't make someone keen on you if they aren't. The tactics your talking about is called manipulation to get what you want. Accept she wanted to move on and explore. Accept is the key word here, and all your other arguments are excuses why she isn't there with you. Sorry guy your wrong, and I'm only trying to help you get healthy, so you can find your own happiness.

Thanks bush, but I don't believe it was playing games, I was just keeping her interest levels up and did no that she liked me more when missing me. I don't tghink they were games but it was my exs first relationship and was for 3 years I think she was well like she said she didn't know if the love she felt for me was how you should feel about someone you want to be with forever and she should have no doubts.

Yet confused me with being so close only days before she wanted a break. In a way I think she also lent on me a lot because she was lonely wna ddid not have a lot of friends and was worried what her life would be without me. But when I chased her she became more confidents and maybe met some new people at uni. Helll I am pissed about that feel a bit used. She wanted to contact me so often and then can push me aside so easily of course I'm going to be angrry I could have pushed her aside mayny imes but was not that kind of person. No wonder I'm pissed at her you would be too.. I feel a bit used yet she does not see that. Yet if I had of dumped her it would have been the opposite way around. What gets me worse is when she broke up she told me I still want and need to hear from you and want you in my life then bang she either met some one few months later and said I don't need to now. Now she's says I just didn't like you in the end. Well why didn't she say that when she broke up if she didn't like me then why did she tell me she still wanted to talk and sleep with me?? Thought she didn't like me!!

I know tal you are trying to help and I should move on after 5 months. But I'm still angry...
I realise I had to keep these so called tactics up and I didn't, I know you shouldn't have to but letting her to close to me and making her feel comfortable pushed her the other way. Maybe not good for a relationship but then when it works it works. If I'm not doing it some other guy will be...

Im upset that she said I need to find myself yet she can so easily date other guys, I'm angry that she contacted me so much while we were together and I was there for her, I'm angry that she said I only contact you each night because I want to hesar you before I go to bed. Why tell me all this and then say I've been thinking this way for a year... If yourve been thinking this way fior a year why would you tell someone all this...

Was it a lioe cause it didn't sound like alie when she said it

She just did not want to be totally alone. She used you and she is not worth your time. Do yourself a favor, let her go. I know it hurts but the longer you hold on to her and her memory of what could have been, the longer you are going to hurt. If you were my son I would be so upset to see you in this situation. You deserve to be happy so for your own sake let her go. I would even change my numbers so that she could not contact me.

Mckenzie she was probably confused and at the moment she probably did feel something for you. It was just not strong enough to last.

Your rigt pretty much what I got from her. She said" I love you but dont know if its enough forever" Yet many a times she said she only wanted to be with me...

She had so many opportunities to bewithothersnd I toldherifyoudrather be wit someone else then go, but she alwayssaid I only want you.

Sehas also saidi was really happy with you when we did things but sometimes wasn't that happy. Well triedtoask her when and shesaqid I dontknow I'm not sure its just how I feel I used to really like you and then I dotnt know I feel different.

This is where I tryand explain when I liked her less or didn't act as keen she was much more keener on our relationship and tryingto convince me to do everythingas a couple.\

She has even said I used to likeyou more than you liked me but thatschanging I think you like me more...

Should have woken upwhen she said that for some stuopid reason sheneededto like me more than shethought I liked her. THATSWHATIVE BEEN TRYINGTO EXPLAIN..

I thin I shouldakep and ealise I should have stoppedtalkinglong ago and given myself the chance or findoutearlier than all this confusion but it doesn't help when she sayshow can wegetbacktogetheri we can't even be friends. Itshardto ansewerthis question and I found myself saying why would I wan to be friends but she didntuderstand whicheveray I ent I looked bad. If I said I want more I lookedneedy if I said no friends I klooked meanand upset.
Maybe I should have said nothingat all and justlet her think we ae frinds but that's not what I wantedswhatwhen she wirns totalk as friends. Andif she really wantedfriends then why after 3 monthsdidshe say I don't needtotalk toyou noew I di earlier but don't now...

<Maybe I should have said nothingat all and justlet her think we ae frinds but that's not what I wantedswhatwhen >

Mc, it really does not matter what you did or did not do, it would not have made ANY difference,
I went through the same analysing and oh if I done this etc etc,
The fact remains if they really loved us they would not need a break or time alone.

Its time to wake up from all this misery and put the focus back on yourself.

Its hard I know , you can read my thread, I was in big denial like you.

No contact will help you heal and move on.

Thanks rol yourprobly right, andi understand if she completely lovedme she wouldn't have needed the break. But I was mad that at one stage she did completely love me how could this change. Even the day beforeshe wanted the break she was so into me!!

Her reason for the break is she did ot know if the love was enough 3 years and she didn't know?? Yet she couldso easiely say I love you...
What makes me mad is she still wantedto stay in contact and I knew thiswas bad...

She should have realised how good we were and she at times but when I gave her everything she wasn't sure howtupidis that

Mac, you probably will not grasp that feelings can change really fast, until it happens to you, and it will. I think that's the hardest part, to understand how someone can change so fast. It happens all the time.

Yes but this is what I've been saying for so long tal and is the reason why I cannot say it enough it is he way you make a girl feel inside as to weather she likes you enough and as I have said in the past when you give less and asre more distant feelings towards you are stronger and the girl thinksnshe needs and wants you, yet when you become a nicer gy and are there and don't make her miss you her feelings change, this is why I so often say you need to makethem miss you and wonder to keep them guessing and they remain keen.I had this but well did change my approach and I let her closer to me and she went the other way and said she doesn't feel the same all because I was mpre loving...

Giing her more love pushed her away when she thought she had me she decided she didn't like me as mch when she couldn't haveme always she kept wanting to have and see me.. how's tha for a girl, so what my supposed to do weelll next time I won't be leting any girl get to close because look what happened here

giing her more love pushed her away when she thought she had me she decided she didnt like me as mch when she couldnt haveme always she kept wanting to have and see me.. hows tha for a girl, so what my supposed to do weelll next time i wont be leting any girl get to close because look what happened here


I totally agree with u. only I'm a girl, and it seemed like the more I gave whether material or love, or just being there through good and bad, its like it turned him off!!
I'm a little scared now to, to love someone again, it seems like they want you more when they can't totally have u. or you treat them like crap. If that's what goes on when you care for someone then I'm happier alone.
Anyway, I don't think it matters if it's a girl or guy or even age, its just who the person is and how they feel about you personaly, I guess.

<but I was mad that at one stage she did completely love me how could this change. Even the day beforeshe wanted the break she was so into me!!
>

Yeah that's what I found incredibly hard to understand also, how someone could propose marriage and then 2 months later change his mind.

I think that's why we are left in denial for a long long time bnecasue the shock comes from nowhere.

Don't worry , you will get through it, once you get ou of that denial phase and into anger there is no turning back.

Very good. Wish you could work on your punctuation because the flow was difficult to read... but very good nonetheless.

Hey Mac. I can see your pain and anger mate. I really can. And I sympathise with you more than you think.

Ive told you before that I came here exactly like you. I was sad, angry and wanted my ex back so much. I wanted to know the magic games and tactics to use to get her back. And for a while there I was convinced like you are that these games and tactics would work. I tried them myself. I even met her for coffee a few months after we broke up as part of this elaborate plan that was hatched for me. In the end it only led to more pain and confusion. I was naïve and silly to think that they would work. And all I am trying to do is help you to see the same thing. Nothing more.

I agree with a lot of the things you say. It is important not to let someone in too much too soon. You should never go so fast as to give your heart to someone too soon. Of course you must be guarded and go slow. Be unavailable sometimes, have your own life, break dates if you have to etc. I agree with that.

But I think the difference between us is that I don't so much see them as games and tactics. I see it as having a healthy and balanced life and relationship. You should have other things to do sometimes. You should still do things with your mates. Go to the pub with your mates on the same nights as you did before you met. Don't change your life to suit your new partner. That isn't a tactic. That is just having balance in your life.

I hope you understand what I'm getting at. I don't disagree with your advice so much. Just sometimes the motives behind it.

I was more like you 12 months ago than you probably think. Trust me!

Good advice:)

I was more like you 12 months ago than you probably think. Trust me!
You, Chuff and Geoff, and a few others kept a lot of us busy, but has it been a year??

You, Chuff and Geoff, and a few others kept a lot of us busy, but has it been a year?????

It's a privilege to be mentioned in such esteemed company! :)

Yes skell I understand very much what you are saying and yes I did have my Friday night with mates and I suppose afet 3 years I started to drop that off a bit and started to spend Friday night with my girlfriend. It wasn't that I like her more or anything I liked her the same since I met her it is just that she started to work more and well if I wanted to see her I had to sought of make time.

When I think about it I did see her more but come on 3 years and I started to see her more and then she is no longer feeling it emotionally and this is where I get mad I give her more time an dthis happens, she's unsure, yet I don't even think this was the problem I kept my distance I just believe the problem was she new she had to make a choice and well maybe I did see her too often. She worked after uni Monday and tues night then suppose she woould want to see me wed fri sat sun only at night though. Maybe too much

yes skell i understand very much what you are saying and yes i did have my friday night with mates and i suppose afet 3 years i started to drop that off a bit and started to spend friday night with my girlfriend. It wasnt that i like her more or anything i liked her the same since i met her it is just that she started to work more and well if i wanted to see her i had to sought of make time.

When i think about it i did see her more but come on 3 years and i started to see her more and then she is no longer feeling it emotionally and this is where i get mad i give her more time an dthis happens, shes unsure, yet i dont even think this was the problem i kept my distance i just believe the problem was she new she had to make a choice and well maybe i did see her too often. She worked after uni monday and tues night then suppose she woould want to see me wed fri sat sun only at night though. maybe to much
Its all nomal what u say and did.. after 3 yrs with someone it shouldn't matter when u see each other the only thing that changes things is the person who has a change of heart!! then all this kaos happens cause of them, otherwise things would be smooth...

Thanks hair that's right but a chage of heart after three years and in one day everything qwas fine in the afternoon she invited me over then it all changed she wants a break thatnight. Then she keeps coming over crying . I kept contaxcting which was a mistake and then she wants to stay in contact for a while then says she's fine and doesn't need to now, maybe she got another guy which was probably the case although she doesnthave a boyfriend but i think she actually just likes guys chasing her and once that started to happen she no longer need to talk to me. I was jujst upset that she kept saying she needed to hear from me and no what was goingon in my life and i didn't think this was right but she would say im not stringing you alonmg i just need time but don't get your hopes up. So i said well we can't talk and she said but i still want to know what's going onn your life. That was for like2 onths then she just said i don't ned to know now im feeling fine not seeing you, this was a kick in the ace all i was being was nice. Then to adventually tell me i just didn't like you in the end. Would have been easier if she told me thatin the first place.

What i have realised is she did want a break didn't want to hutrt me felt guilty wanted to keep me there cause she new in a way she still wanted and missed me and might be making amistajke but as soon as she felt fine evrything was great and she turned selfish yet wanted me there for her when she needed me cause i realised if she was happy then hings wrere fine and thought well we have ben together for a while we should stilll be able to talk. She told me we are going through a transition period until we both meet someone else. So she needed me there for support and i was like a loser... she even sleptwith me after a month and said she felt so great i was there but we were still on the break. She pretty much usedme and may not have known it but when she felt fine was pretty much like get over it..,. Looking after herself which is what i should have done from the start. But when i said dnt speak she said well that's not tright if we not friemds how could we get back together but if she only wants friemnds then why would we be together which means girls say anything to make themselves better. Cause at the time she was confused and didn't know what she wanted but by having me there she thiught she could decide. There was onlyn one decision she could come up with while i was floating around and the was to get rid of me and in a weay i helped her get over me by being around and then now she makes me feel worse by all of asudden saying i just didn't like you. You know why she couldn't say that in the first week cause she didn't know weather she wanted to lose me or not but when she new she couldn't care lkess about me.

You, Chuff and Geoff, and a few others kept a lot of us busy, but has it been a year?????

It's been 11 months since my breakup and 9 months since I first visited AMHD for advice. Seems like a long time really. When I think back to how I was feeling when it happened and when I first visited this site, it surprises me how time really does make things better. Time and a lot of hard work, a lot of grieving.

Time is a great healer guys and gals.

I've been through it for 5 yrs... just ended again 1 month ago, he always wanted me back, and me like a dumbazz was there... kind of think the same as u, used me for comfort, until maybe something else came along. Well it did, 2 weeks into being "back" I found out he was pursuing his new nieghbor, but said to me lets take a break... well fast forward till now he is with her and could careless if I fell of the face of the earth!! And I have to see it every day, they live right near me...

When he had or has no one, he will climb mountains for me, but when he thinks there is a chance with someone else " he needs a break" please, it makes me so sick to my stomach that people can be so self centered for so long and use such lame excuses according to their day.

I'm not sure who was the bigger idiot, me for loving him and trusting his words or him for playing me like a violin for so long... it just all sucks, I feel bad for u, it sounds like you are so hurt and only time will help a little.

Some people make love so hard and confusing, and they enjoy using people I think...

Yeah time is amazing and really helps you heal... I was fed up hearing people say this but its so true.

You are in the anger stage now Mckenzie, I can tell this by your latest posts... you will be fine..

But i think the difference between us is that i dont so much see them as games and tactics. I see it as having a healthy and balanced life and relationship. You should have other things to do sometimes.Don't change your life to suit your new partner. That isnt a tactic. That is just having balance in your life.

Exactly.

I think you mckenzie, are confusing games and tactics with having a healthy and balanced life, something we should all do. The reason I think you are confusing the two is because you still resent her and are bitter about what happened and somehow blame yourself for not having made certain choices about how you dealt with her. You feel it was your fault that you had not engaged in some kind of game playing/tactics to make her more interested in you.

The truth is that perhaps you became too involved and lost more of your own life through your attachment to her, your attachment to the relationship and the importance of her became more of your life. This is not because you did not use tactics, it is because you loved her but lost sight of balance in your life and this is a big lesson you need to come to understand that you have learned.

You need to identify the fact that this lesson is staring you in the face and if you are wise, you will begin to see that in a way, you have been dealt a very lucky card at a point in your life where you still have a long way ahead of you and the knowledge to put things right in your own life for your future.

With any luck, perhaps this kind of thing won't happen again, maybe it will but being human is about making mistakes and learning from them.

Your all right I am angry and I have everyright to be. I hate being told by a girl that she hopes she's not contacting metomuch and doesn't want be to get bored of her but just needs to her my voie at night and the breaks upor breaks a couple of days later saying I'm her whole life and she is to dependent on me and she shouldn't be likeht. She loves me but not sure ifit is a love forever. Of course I'm angry she ook my valentines present a week before and did not break then she should have she told me she was thinking wha she wanted foraa year and saometimes she thoghthow great it was ut saidshe was not always happy. Im mad to because after we were together 2 years she said after she went on a holiday her feelings hadchanged and she said she new I was the one and we would never breakup and she was so intowanting to be around me and saying we are a couple and do everythng together,This makesu upset as she can just change her mind yethellwhen she was away she missed me somucgh then and kept saying your not going to break up with me when igo away, Well I feel lke I should have given her sometreatment like she gave me and let her think about things, She told me whennshe brokeup if I did I to hershe would have been devastated, I'm so angry she can be like this especially aftewr we had such a great rekationshipGeez she pisses me off... I the oshe neededme so much and then didn't.. Really makes me still angry. Took me for granted..

I just feel liketo kep her I needed to make her feel like she needed me I know this is not always a good way but this is what she was like she needed to miss me and I've said that a lot bdi jknow maybe that shouldn't be the way but that is whatshe liked she had to be 100% positive I was the one and to do this she had to knowthat she couldn't live without m. She used tosay the one I spend my time with will be soneobneni can't live without!! Now I realise though forher to see thisshe needed timeapart from me to know that but why wouldi wantt o give someone a break for her to know this so someone tell me how was she going to klnow that she couldn't live without me while we were togetheri thought it was going to be hard to show her she can't livewothot m while we were together but that's what it seemed like. That's why I talk about being distant and unavailable becasuse this did make her realis. Thanks...

I am ma nadtal your right I probably will get through it but I really believed she was the one but how was I ever going to ake her reali this when she had such high expectations of what she should feel and of what love s he thought the person she stays with is someone she could not livewithout but I feel the o0only way she would have known this was to not have mmehow would she realise this while with me in her realionship. He only realise this when she went away for holidsys and 1 month without me but we were still together she then knew 18 months ago./ So how does she know this while we were together it seemed so difficult to be that one when she had a high reason of love and how she would know if she couldn't live without me I was going to be the one...

Really makes me still angry. Took me for granted..

Of course she did and yes you have a right to feel angry. I certainly don't think you should not be feeling angry, it is very natural to have these feelings especially early on after a breakup. I felt angry after my ex got engaged to me and I planned to marry her but things did not work out that way and it was like one minute she was there with me and making plans with me and we were so close and then the next minute she just threw me to the side like a piece of garbage and IT REALLY WAS LIKE THAT TOO. Within a space of less than 5 days she was gone and out having a laugh with her mates leaving me to try and put my life back together again.

I was so angry too and naturally felt like this for some time, still comes back sometimes.. LOL

You are only human and this will get better in time. Even in a years time, you might look back and have a passing resentful thought and that is not unnatural. No amount of time is going to change what she did to you, how she hurt you. You will look back at it a little differently but it will always be the same. No amount of time will change the past but it will help you heal. The important thing is to chalk it all up to experience and try not to live in the past because that won't help you move on.

You just get busy feeling what you need to and get through all this and in time, you will feel better. It seems that is exactly what you are doing so you will be okay in the end.

And just keep ranting on here about how you feel, that's good. Before you know it, you will be banging on about stuff like I always do.

Mac, you probably will not grasp that feelings can change really fast, until it happens to you, and it will. I think thats the hardest part, to understand how someone can change so fast. It happens all the time.


Good point tal, I think mac will be on the other side in time and will be the one who does the walking and then he will understand how this kind of thing works. It doesn't mean you will treat the next one badly but you may lose interest before she does. She might then be wondering how your feelings could change so fast and be ranting about being taken for granted while you are out having a good time because you would have already long emotional unattached yourself before she had a chance to. She will unfortunately be the one left behind grieving long after you have.

True, also I think because we have gone through a hard breakup we will be less likely to go into another one wearing rose coloured glasses! And will really work on keeping a good relationship alive and be able to spot red flags and warning signs that things are going stale.

At least I hope! Ha ha

So what's the lesson learned in all this? The fact that feelings can change so quickly, and from the looks of it, eventually always do. Is the answer to not make yourself vaulnerable ever again? Always keep your guard up? I know I never want to feel like this again... life's to short to have the rug pulled from under your feet by someone you love and care for and invested so much time in, but they don't care about you. I've used this analogy before, but it's like the you're the family dog. Loyal to the family, and then one day after many great years, for some reason or another they can't have you anymore, so they just dump you in a field somewhere and drive away.

After hearing all the stories and advice, love sounds like nothing more than a temporary illusion caused by the selfish needs each person involved has, and when those needs are met or are not required any longer, the illusion is lost. I don't know, maybe I'm being cynical here, but it doesn't sound like there is much hope for "life long love". Sounds like you have more going against it than for it. Only thing that ever sounds certain is "you". And that's a pretty crappy thing... real and true, but it still kind of sucks to know that no relationship is 100%... and the person you thought was your 100% will probably let you down one day. I guess the only relationship that could ever be 100% is the one with children and their parents. I don't have children, but looking at my relationship with my parents it makes sense to me, because in that kind of relationship there is no selfishness or self interest there. It's pure.

Then again I'm probably just thinking negative and on a rant because I'm having a blue day. Anyway, just needed to vent a bit. Back to work (or staring at a blank screen) I guess. My 2 cents. Cheers!

On that note. Relationships are scary and even dangerous. After my experience I realized how cautious you have to be in finding the right person and seeing the warning signs early enough. God forbid, you get married to a person and have kids with them and then they decide to do something as awfull as to leave you with the kids. For many of us who are very young this thought might seem very distant but 4-5 years do come by quickly and sometimes and quite often (and I think especially relevant in our cases) the person whom you want to marry is someone you would have liked to have known for a long time to be sure and certain about their commitment. Then again, relationships have to be fun, exciting and enjoyable. Relationships are one of the greatest experiences and you will feel some of the best feelings ever through them, which is they are so hard to overcome when they end. But I believe somewhere in the back of your mind you have to have a degree of caution before you step in too deep. And I hope for all the experiences they have gone through with their ex will assist them in this. That is why you should not perceive this experience negatively but postively which without a doubt will prove useful in the future in your decisions. Maybe you should consider yourself lucky that this happened sooner rather later at a more crucial point in life. I do.

Hey Mac. Its okay to be angry. It really is. But don't carry that anger too long or unnecessarily. Channel that anger into more beneficial sources. Rather than being angry and bitter at her all the time and thinking of ways to get her back. Take that energy and throw yourself into something else. Your work, sport, the gym, writing, whatever tickles your fancy.

The anger towards her won't change anything unfortunately otherwise all of us would be back with our ex's after the anger we had.

As Tal so brilliantly put it, it is so hard for us to comprehend how someone can change so quickly. I still cant. It scares us. At least it did me. And you wonder that if that person you loved could change so easily why won't the next. So rather than face that fear we get angry.

Its something that you will overcome but perhaps some of the things I suggested above and the advice from others will help you overcome it a little more quick.

Tell you a secret to help you along, Instead of questions and confusion, ACCEPT people for who they are good or bad. Once you do and can just see it for what it is, and know you can't change them, then you realise you can only change,
Yourself.
Your mind
Your behavior or attitude
Your outlook, ETC

The key word is YOU R
As in YOU R IMPORTANT.

Thanks I was very cautious for a couple of years and probably would still be with her if more cautious but I seemed to get sucked in and after 3 years believed I didn't need to be as cautious and looked what happened. I new I had to be but as hoping that I wouldn't as I seemed to believe what she said and she said I only say "I love you" to the person I want to be with and she seemed so keen, Ijust thought it was so great and it was, that's what left me in disbelief, normally I would have recognised the signs but there were no signs great to nothing. I needed some signs not a message the nigh before saying she wishes she was cudling then inviting me over for lunch then telling me that night she needs a break...

That's what was hard and I suppose chasing her made up her mind when in actuall fact she was just angry about one of my friends... I know that's no reason to dump someone but she is very impulsive and was probably angry so instead of talking and telling me she just wanted a break and well that's what she should have got. But easy to say now...

I think itr doesn't help when she asks for the break and says I want to workj on myself and not be dependent on you cause if anything happened I wouldn't cope without you.

Wouldn't cope without me yet she wants a break.

I think I'm understanding a litte maybe she really did want to be more independent yet I drove her feelings away...

It is really weird reading these stories because everything that has been written here and similar stories shared like many are almost identical to mine in one way or another. I sometimes wonder, maybe the female species was meant to behave and act like this under the circumstances and events of the way we behaved in the relationship. It is like god or someone programmed from start for them to just leave and break up after everything we did for them (not to say we didn't have our faults). But all in all we weren't bad boyfriends, at least that's what I was told by others and even my ex. I don't know, sounds stupid but its just really peculiar and that is why there is so much confusion and disbelief in why they just left.

Yes, its easy for the dumper to walk away from a person when the dumpie is begging them to stay. But when the dumpie say's, "see ya" don't let the door hit you in the @$$ on the way out." It makes the dumper think like, "wait a minute, what's wrong with me?"

Truthfully, when some one wants to leave you, just let-um go and don't worry about getting them back.
Why would you even want someone back that has the smallest thought of leaving you??

Why would you even want someone back that has the smallest thought of leaving you??


Yes very true...

Truthfully, when some one wants to leave you, just let-um go and don't worry about getting them back.
Why would you even want someone back that has the smallest thought of leaving you??
Dead on! Its always about how you handle YOURSELF in these situations.

[QUOTE=gmspitali]It is really weird reading these stories because everything that has been written here and similar stories shared like many are almost identical to mine in one way or another. I sometimes wonder, maybe the female species was meant to behave and act like this under the circumstances and events of the way we behaved in the relationship. It is like god or someone programmed from start for them to just leave and break up after everything we did for them (not to say we didn't have our faults). But all in all we weren't bad boyfriends, at least that's what I was told by others and even my ex. I don't know, sounds stupid but its just really peculiar and that is why there is so much confusion and disbelief in why they just left.[/QUOT

Not totally true, I'm a girl and my ex did this to me...

As I said- Youth should be light hearted about love.
Learn to wait.
Period.

Well I'm still a bit down I justfind it hard because so many say youshould ralise the signs as my ex has said she was thinking ofbreaking up for a year, well if she was thinking of breaking up for a year why was she talking about getting engaged and being a couple and kids??

I'm justpissed cause well she wasntobviously thinking that butsays she was. She was thinkingweather she should stay or go. I cantstand that someone can sayhow muchthey love you lots then say they have been thinking of the break

Well im still a bit down i justfind it hard because so many say youshould ralise the signs as my ex has said she was thinking ofbreaking up for a year, well if she was thinking of breaking up for a year why was she talking about getting engaged and being a couple and kids????

im justpissed cause well she wasntobviously thinking that butsays she was. she was thinkingweather she should stay or go. I cantstand that someone can sayhow muchthey love you lots then say they have been thinking of the break

I know how you feel, my ex has done this to me several times, but the effort he put in to get me back made me believe he wasn't playing a game, well its been 6 weeks since he and I talked..

He is now with someone else, and he started talking with her 2 weeks while with me his "soul mate", but I should have known so I deserve to feel like crap. When he started with his lets see less of each other, I get bored easy. I guess he used me for comfort till something more interesting came along. But I will never understand how he or anyone can play with someone, say one thing and do another. Not for this long anyway. Self centered users! I hpe you fell better soon, as we all know it takes time, right?? ( :

Right its taken me 5 months. And to make it worse I hae been feeling better and I just got a text tonight.

ITalking about 18 months ago when she went away for 3 months for uni work.

It red " when i went away too .......... I missed you heaps and loved you so much but i just can't say i feel the same way now"

Why would she even bother saying this... ind you it would have been good for her to express that at the time considering she could never sy I love u...

right its taken me 5 months. and to make it worse i hae been feeling better and i just got a text tonight.

ITalking about 18 months ago when she went away for 3 months for uni work.

It red " when i went away too .......... I missed you heaps and loved you so much but i just can't say i feel the same way now"

why would she even bother saying this... ind you it would have been good for her to express that at the time considering she could never sy i love u...
I know, I got tons of texts from my ex, along with other things and let him come back, but he is so unstable everyday, like her. It will make you crazy!! I know it does me. And he had to add someone's else to it to, bottom line it was just me, I gues he just didn't want a regular relationship with me... wish he just left me alone then... does she see other people??

I agree with most of your statements. What a lot of jilted lovers don't realize is that often the "dumper" was never really all that invested into the relationship to begin with. Often the "dumpee" was guilty of imputing much more to the "relationship" than was really there. A lot of this results from people accepting an imbalance and accepting the fact that they are investing a lot more into the relationship than the other person. That is why it's important to never allow this to happen. If you find that the person of your affections is backing off, then you back off. Don't give anymore than you receive. That may go against conventional rhetoric, which says that we ought to give more than we receive and that we just ought to give without worrying about receiving. People who don't adopt that philosophy are made to feel guilty and that they're being self-centered. But that's misguided thinking and it's precisely this type of thinking that leads to people getting burned and suffering the resulting emotional fallout. It may sound selfish but it really isn't ; in the beginning stages of a relationship it really is essential to put #1 first. Keep in mind that that's precisely what the "dumper" that broke the "dumpee's" heart was doing. Had the "dumpee" been doing likewise, his/her heart would have been spared and the final outcome may well have been very different.

Delete her texts, delete the confusion. Stop wondering why she does what she does, you already know she wants to get a rise out of you and you let her succeed by reading her texts. You need a project to keep you busier.

I agree with most of your statements. What a lot of jilted lovers don't realize is that often the "dumper" was never really all that invested into the relationship to begin with. Often the "dumpee" was guilty of imputing much more to the "relationship" than was really there. A lot of this results from people accepting an imbalance and accepting the fact that they are investing a lot more into the relationship than the other person. That is why it's important to never allow this to happen. If you find that the person of your affections is backing off, then you back off. Don't give anymore than you receive. That may go against conventional rhetoric, which says that we ought to give more than we receive and that we just ought to give without worrying about receiving. People who don't adopt that philosophy are made to feel guilty and that they're being self-centered. But that's misguided thinking and it's precisely this type of thinking that leads to people getting burned and suffering the resulting emotional fallout. It may sound selfish but it really isn't ; in the beginning stages of a relationship it really is essential to put #1 first. Keep in mind that that's precisely what the "dumper" that broke the "dumpee's" heart was doing. Had the "dumpee" been doing likewise, his/her heart would have been spared and the final outcome may well have been very different.

So true... once you realize they are not as into it as they were or as your you should back off and leave... I know I put waaaayyyy too much effort into someone who didn't. But I thought him always coming back with such intensity meant something, or was enough... never again. 12 yrs you think you had something meaningful, forget it. You get what you give is a great saying that I will live by.im a giver by nature, its who I am, I trust people too much, snd I wish I wasn't bitter but I have to change my ways too...

Yeah I think it is time to end the confusion too and end whatever it is that is lingering around that is causing you so much pain.
It isn't helping you to move on.

All your posts revolved around her. What she is thinking. What she said / says. What she is thinking and how she will react to your actions.

Franky. Who in the hell cares now. It isn't about her. It is about you and you moving on from her.

Can't you see that focusing all this energy on her isn't helping you move on? IT is just causing you so much confusion.

What her motives were or are for breaking up with you are irrelevant now. The only relevant fact is that she is in your past now and she should be left there. It is easier than you think to ignore her messages, emails, calls etc. You just have to want to do it. And at the moment I'm not sure you want to leave her behind.

I don't want to leave her behind but nothat I should. I hear how some people were more invested and honestly ahe was more invested than me she rang and wanted to see me all the time right to the break. Butwhen she said break it all changed around. Great

Well perhaps she realised this and realised that it was unhealthy and unbalanced. Perhaps she didn't like the fact that she had more invested in it and you continued to pull back. Perhaps when she realised this she decided that it was time to get out before she invested anymore.

Whatever her reasons were doesn't really matter. She is gone and more than likely you will never have her back. Whether you want to leave her behind or not is not really relevant. You can't make someone love you.

I am afraid skell you have no chance in beating me. Chuff and me have something going on
; ) However I am open to bribes...

I think this works for guys. What about for girls? What if you break up with sum1 because you were pissed at dt moment.bt you didn't really wnt to.but its bin a long time nw.know the victim will do what you advised. What is the right thing to do

CAN YOU WIN HER BACK?


NO action required. It's only her that determines that...the less you do. the more you do. reallyIf everyone here followed this maybe more would find they do get there ex back!!!

And maybe even more will find out that they wont be coming back alot quicker than hanging around delaying the inevitavle.

Confused is a word used alot in many threads, really the only one confused is you, confusing yourself trying to work out what why or how things went wrong and how could they do this.

Simple they arnt that into you anymore, but to many people who get dumped just can't understand why and really some times there is no explanation except the dumper does not want you and whatever they said in the past is irrelevant only today counts, and yes they can be upset and i tell you what in many situations if you had of dumped them one day before you got dumped there world would have folded and they would probly be on here. So the best thing to do is walk away straight away and turn you being dumped into them being dumped as well. Put them in your shoes dont let them have a fall bak. Tell them if thats what they want you can't wait!!! and definately dont listen to there crap if you loved me you would wait, reply with " If you loved me you wouldnt need a break!!!

Its that simple!!!!


Wish itwas though so hard to do this, but its the correct way, Why wait on someone who needs to think about weather they want to be with you!!!!

Makes you look like a loser when you think about it and no one wants to be with someone like that so whaen someone is deciding on you help them out!!!!

Dont let them decide your better than that, HEll they arnt the decision maker and as soon as they think you are as soon as someone better comes along they will once again yhave to take a break and make a decision!!!!

Never wait NEVER and always let them know everything is fine and you will be ok. DONT EVER CALL!!!!!!EVER EVER
Don't call ,but do you let them call you? Even if it hurts like hell and want to hear from them and when you do its like picking scabs from the wound? Sorry to be dramatic

i think this works for guys. wot about for girls? wot if u break up with sum1 cus u were pissed at dt moment.bt u didnt really wnt to.but its bin a long time nw.know the victim will do wot u advised. wot is the right thing to do
You can't just break up with someone out of anger, and expect them to come crawling back like nothing happened. Who with any selfrespect puts up with that?? Control your temper, or suffer the consequenses.

You can't just break up with someone out of anger, and expect them to come crawling back like nothing happened. Who with any selfrespect puts up with that??? Control your temper, or suffer the consequenses.
It wasn't rili out of anger just out of being fedup with the whole stuff at dt moment.its a long story,would plead with you to read the story I posted a while ago sometime last month,with the titles "should i call my ex bf of 4 months",and "does my ex bf of 4 months still luv mi". Will really appreciate it if you let mi know your views on the questions.thanks

CAN YOU WIN HER BACK?


NO action required. It's only her that determines that...the less you do. the more you do. reallyIf everyone here followed this maybe more would find they do get there ex back!!!

And maybe even more will find out that they wont be coming back alot quicker than hanging around delaying the inevitavle.

Confused is a word used alot in many threads, really the only one confused is you, confusing yourself trying to work out what why or how things went wrong and how could they do this.

Simple they arnt that into you anymore, but to many people who get dumped just can't understand why and really some times there is no explanation except the dumper does not want you and whatever they said in the past is irrelevant only today counts, and yes they can be upset and i tell you what in many situations if you had of dumped them one day before you got dumped there world would have folded and they would probly be on here. So the best thing to do is walk away straight away and turn you being dumped into them being dumped as well. Put them in your shoes dont let them have a fall bak. Tell them if thats what they want you can't wait!!! and definately dont listen to there crap if you loved me you would wait, reply with " If you loved me you wouldnt need a break!!!

Its that simple!!!!


Wish itwas though so hard to do this, but its the correct way, Why wait on someone who needs to think about weather they want to be with you!!!!

Makes you look like a loser when you think about it and no one wants to be with someone like that so whaen someone is deciding on you help them out!!!!

Dont let them decide your better than that, HEll they arnt the decision maker and as soon as they think you are as soon as someone better comes along they will once again yhave to take a break and make a decision!!!!

Never wait NEVER and always let them know everything is fine and you will be ok. DONT EVER CALL!!!!!!EVER EVERthis is a very brilliant stuff,but I want to know what works for girls, could you read the two questions I posted last month and let me know your views on them.the titles are "should i call my ex bf of 4 months" and "does my ex bf of 4 months still luv me?".thanks