I recently started working with this man who I think is absolutely gorgeous and very attractive. The only thing is, he's married and I'm in a long distance relationship. I am NOT the kind of person that goes after other people's men but for some reason I can't wait until the next time I work with him, I think about him a lot, and I even dress up more at work to try and impress him. He def. gives me signs that he is flirting (I think). He asks about my relationship and how often I see my boyfriend. How do I know if he's flirting and how can I stop thinking about him (very physically attracted to him):)

I think you already know that it would be wrong to start a relationship with this man. I'm sure that it must be diificult for you if you are attracted to this man and working close with him. You must try not to send the signals that you are intrested. You actually may be allowing him to daydream of an affair with you if he thinks you are open and interested in it. Hopefully you will find the willpower in yourself to forget about him. I don't know what line of work you're in but is it possible to find a different project or a different area to work in? I hope you can do it for yourself and him. Not to mention his wife and your boyfriend. Good luck.

How do I know if he's flirting
Why do you need to know? It shouldn't change what you decide to do.

how can I stop thinking about him
Exercise your will power.

(very physically attracted to him)
If that was a reason to cheat on your boyfriend and induce him to cheat on his wife, it might be relevant, but it isn't. Attractions are natural and inevitable. Obsessing over them and acting on them isn't. It's a matter of will and choice. Exercise it.

Thanks for the feedback! We do work closely with one another so it's difficult to avoid him, but like you said, I'll just have to accept the fact that physical attraction is natural and I cannot act upon it. Also, what does it mean when he constantly asks how me and my boyfriend are and how often we see each other? Thanks peeps!

Who doesn't work with married man? Lots of females work with men and many men are married. If you focus on your work appreciate your job and cautious about keeping the job you won't even have a thought about the other man. Focus on your work, stay busy, it is more important for you.
Good luck, and think about his wife, how she feels about it.

Yeah, your right. Lot's of people do work with married men, but not all of them are young, attractive, and flirt with you. This is a temporary job until I get into grad school and actually be at the same position he's in right now. But that's beside the point, I know it still doesn't give me authorization to pursue a hook up even if he was initiating it. Is it wrong to flirt with him though if he's doing the same thing?

I know it still doesn't give me authorization to pursue a hook up even if he was initiating it. Is it wrong to flirt with him though if he's doing the same thing?
What, you're wanting to see just how close to the edge you can get without getting sucked in? If you know it's a dangerous place, DON'T GO NEAR IT!

is it wrong to flirt with him though if he's doing the same thing?

yes it's wrong! He's mαrried your in α relαtionship-- the fαct thαt you even feel like persuing this little urge you hαve comming from your pαnts mαkes me think your relαtionship is well..not so good! How αre things between you αnd your guy? Is it bαsicαlly over?. orgαsms αren't worth the pαybαck you'll get lαter for screwing αround with men who αre spoken for.

don't do it-- you know its wrong, your obviously looking for someone to sαy "yeα go αheαd flirting isn't bαd".
flirting= touching; touching=kissing; kissing= groping; groping=sex
αnd well in the end flirting= sex so stop αnd think.. follow your cαreer or follow your hormones?

do the right thing αnd don't joing the homewrecker club

If you can't control your urges knowing how wrong it is then you will get the short end of the stick. Stop playing games and be professional, and that means leave the drama and flirting alone.

People that have respect for themselves do not want to be second. No matter how handsome the other person is.

I totally know what you mean. I am completely in love with my brother in law. I think that he likes me to but I can't really tell. I can't stand my husband but every time I see his brother my heart starts to flutter, and I get all nervous. I wish that I could get up the nerve to ask him but I cant. He has been in this relationship for a while and has a kid that does not belong to him. (it is his girlfriends kid) I would love to leave my husband and have him but I know that it will always have to be just me and my husband and my occasional heart palipitation when he walks by. That's life. Sucks huh

The difference betweena slut and a respect female, is the slut has no boundaries and very little conscience.

yes it's wrong! he's mαrried your in α relαtionship-- the fαct thαt you even feel like persuing this little urge you hαve comming from your pαnts mαkes me think your relαtionship is well..not so good!! how αre things between you αnd your guy? is it bαsicαlly over?... orgαsms αren't worth the pαybαck you'll get lαter for screwing αround with men who αre spoken for.

don't do it-- you know its wrong, your obviously looking for someone to sαy "yeα go αheαd flirting isn't bαd".
flirting= touching; touching=kissing; kissing= groping; groping=sex
αnd well in the end flirting= sex so stop αnd think.. follow your cαreer or follow your hormones?

do the right thing αnd don't joing the homewrecker club


The funny thing is, my boyfriend is really really good to me. I've never cheated on him and he doesn't even look at another woman. He's the perfect future husband and somewhat physically attractive, but not as much attracted to him (physically) as I am to other guys. He's really good to me and treats me like a queen, should I forget about other guys and just stick it out with him? Cause after all, a faithful and loving man isn't anythign to walk away from.

I totaly know what you mean. I am competely in love with my brother in law. I think that he likes me to but I can't really tell. I can't stand my husband but everytime I see his brother my heart starts to flutter, and I get all nervous. I wish that I could get up the nerve to ask him but I cant. He has been in this relationship for a while and has a kid that does not belong to him. (it is his girlfriends kid) I would love to leave my husband and have him but I know that it will always have to be just me and my husband and my occasional heart palipitation when he walks by. Thats life. Sucks huh
Danapl21 I Have seen what you are feeling many times. I used to work with almost all females and I have 3 sisters+I'm a woman. When a woman is not treated respectfuly and with the love that she wants from her boyfriend or spouse this sometimes happens with someone the husband's friend/related to. Usually another man can see what the husband is doing wrong and he will be kind to you or even say things to your bf/hubbyabout how he treats you. If the man is not honorable he will see this as an opportunity to get some on the side. With your husband neglecting you,you are vulnerable to his attentions. Of course he makes you feel good. But in all reality he probably has a lot of your husbands characteristics and beliefs. You just don't see them because A. you have not been in the family long enough. B. You have not spent enough time with him. C. If he were your spouse, you would see the true him. Normally the people in the family are a lot alike even though they don't realise it. It is good that you know that you can never act on these feelings. They will go away. Maybe you need to work on you and why you feel like you must stay with someone that does not make you happy. That way you won't be stuck in the same situation and having the same feelings 10 years down the road or let your husband know that you are not happy with how he treats you. Good luck

The funny thing is, my boyfriend is really really good to me. I've never cheated on him and he doesn't even look at another woman. He's the perfect future husband and somewhat physically attractive, but not as much attracted to him (physically) as i am to other guys. He's really good to me and treats me like a queen, should I forget about other guys and just stick it out with him? Cause after all, a faithful and loving man isn't anythign to walk away from.
It sounds as though you are not in love with your boyfriend. So why carry on this relationship with a man, that is not what you want , just because he would be faithful to you and treat you well. There are many men that will do that. Both you and he deserve someone that adores you/you adore.

I am in love with my boyfriend and I know most likely we will end with one another, but why is it that I'm contantly attracted (mostly just physical) to other men. I don't act upon the attraction but I feel like I shouldn't even be feeling this way when I have such a great boyfriend already.

Maybe you just like to look at other men, nothing wrong with looking. But you should not be flirting and giving them indication of something that is not going to happen. I've been married for 15 years and have lived with him for 19 total years and I still like to look at good looking men.

I recently started working with this man who I think is absolutely gorgeous and very attractive. The only thing is, he's married and I'm in a long distance relationship. I am NOT the kind of person that goes after other people's men but for some reason I can't wait until the next time I work with him, I think about him a lot, and I even dress up more at work to try and impress him. He def. gives me signs that he is flirting (I think). He asks about my relationship and how often I see my boyfriend. How do I know if he's flirting and how can I stop thinking about him (very physically attracted to him):)
Is it wright or wrong? It does not matter. I think the bigger question is what kind of relationship you have with your boyfriend, when a simple physical attraction makes your whole values system fall apart. He seems to have the same problem since you indicate that he encourages this situation even-though he has a wife. Whatever your values are try to live by them and remember that... "morality, like art, is drawing a line somewhere".
Whatever you do will be fine, as long as you know you can live with it.

Chelisimo

Helloooooooooo- if he's flirting with you - he's flirting with others! He's attractive and I'm sure he knows it. He's not yours... one would have to question your morals if you proceed.. Remember what goes around, comes around... one day you will find your prince charming- how will you feel when women are coming on to him??

I have a beautiful wife who works in a male dominated field. She takes trips to exotic places. Like canada. OK, sometimes mexico or germany or even Wisconsin.

Point is she gets hit on. Men flirt with her. While alone in a hotel. Sometimes she flirts back a little too. She's good at it. I've been in the same bar with her, she's playing pool with young guys who are willing to buy her vodka cranberry all night long and get their butts beat in pool.

I think it's a little sexy even.

And yes, I am a jealous man... its just that I trust her more than my jealously causes me to act. A few months ago a coworker hit on her hard. A little too hard. Was all I could do to restrain myself after I found out. I am jealous, but I also trust her.

Now... in your case... is it wrong to flirt? Depends. My situation is that I know she does a little from time to time, I know she's coming home to me, and I know the energy she's putting into the occasional flirtation isn't detracting from our marriage emotionally or sexually.

But... you and I both know that people are stupid and weak. And even if you and he were willing to walk a dangerous line that you never cross, there's always the issue of the boyfriend.

I think if you believe your behavior wouldn't be supported by your boyfriend, then you are not being fully true to the relationship.

So, if you need to hide it, it probably isn't OK for the relationship. Not a bad general rule when evaluating gray areas.

I had a friendship with a girl I never dated. We were both seeing other people. We had extreme sexual energy between us. We were able to walk the line, but it wasn't easy, and it took work for us both to know when to back off. My partner at the time knew enough, from what id told her, to understand the situation... and she was OK with it, but I don't think most people would be.

So... in the end you probably need to be the one to keep things in check. Just cause he asks about your boyfriend doesn't mean a thing. He might be seeing if there's a problem, or he might be letting you know he doesn't care that you have a boyfriend...

So... don't feel bad about the sexual energy. You are going to need to learn to live with it from time to time if you intend to be in a monogamous relationship.

Its faulty to think you fall in love and are never attracted to another soul on this earth. So the attraction is fine. The flirtation is maybe OK, maybe not. And mentally, don't let yourself get too distracted from your relationship. At least make the distraction worth the potential consequences.

That said... I think you'd better be even more careful with a married man who flirts. The guy I wanted to put through a wall when he flirted with my wife hard has been married a short time. I can tell you right now he's going to cheat on her the first time her gets a chance. Though id bet it won't be the first time...

i have a beautiful wife who works in a male dominated field. she takes trips to exotic places. like canada. ok, sometimes mexico or germany or even wisconsin.

point is she gets hit on. men flirt with her. while alone in a hotel. sometimes she flirts back a little too. shes good at it. ive been in the same bar with her, shes playing pool with young guys who are willing to buy her vodka cranberry all night long and get their butts beat in pool.

i think its a little sexy even.

and yes, i am a jealous man... its just that i trust her more than my jealously causes me to act. a few months ago a coworker hit on her hard. a little too hard. was all i could do to restrain myself after i found out. i am jealous, but i also trust her.

now... in your case... is it wrong to flirt? depends. my situation is that i know she does a little from time to time, i know shes coming home to me, and i know the energy shes putting into the occasional flirtation isnt detracting from our marriage emotionally or sexually.

but... you and i both know that people are stupid and weak. and even if you and he were willing to walk a dangerous line that you never cross, theres always the issue of the bf.

i think if you believe your behavior wouldnt be supported by your bf, then you are not being fully true to the relationship.

so, if you need to hide it, it probably isnt ok for the relationship. not a bad general rule when evaluating gray areas.

i had a friendship with a girl i never dated. we were both seeing other people. we had extreme sexual energy between us. we were able to walk the line, but it wasnt easy, and it took work for us both to know when to back off. my partner at the time knew enough, from what id told her, to understand the situation... and she was ok with it, but i dont think most people would be.

so.... in the end you probably need to be the one to keep things in check. just cause he asks about your bf doesnt mean a thing. he might be seeing if theres a problem, or he might be letting you know he doesnt care that you have a bf...

so... dont feel bad about the sexual energy. you are going to need to learn to live with it from time to time if you intend to be in a monogamous relationship.

its faulty to think you fall in love and are never attracted to another soul on this earth. so the attraction is fine. the flirtation is maybe ok, maybe not. and mentally, dont let yourself get too distracted from your relationship. at least make the distraction worth the potential consequences.

that said... i think youd better be even more careful with a married man who flirts. the guy i wanted to put through a wall when he flirted with my wife hard has been married a short time. i can tell you right now hes going to cheat on her the first time her gets a chance. though id bet it wont be the first time...


Thanks a lot for the GREAT insight. Best advice I've heard so far. Nice to get a honest and REAL feedback. I like what you said about "if you have to hide it, it's probably not good for the relationship"... I totally agree with that. I actually just told my boyfriend about the whole situation and asked what he felt about it. He gave me his honest opinion and that was to just know what I'm doing (even if everything is purely innocent on my part, it might not be for the other guy).

I also agree with you on the "reality" that just because I have a boyfriend I will and should never be attracted to other men. Truth is, I do find this guy attractive and decided that flirting (as long as it doesn't take away from the relationship with my bf) is fine. Besides, flirting for me is simply making jokes and just creating a relaxed and fun atmosphere in the work place (with the little time left that is):) Not really complimenting the guy or making any sort of sexual gestures. That's not me at all! So I guess it's fine... plus I enformed my boyfriend of the situation, so I'm not really hiding anything. I just have to accept the fact that it's FINE to be friendly and think other guys are attractive (as long as I know my limits). Thanks for your insight!

Thαnk-god you hαve α brαin 80% of people who αsk these questions follow their hormones αnywαys... they just wαnted for us to sαy it's okαy..

Fewf! Well keep your heαd on your shoulders αnd goodluck to yα girlie<3

Women: The only thing sexier than a married man is a married man with kids!

Ahhh ladies. We love you, but you do need to be aware of your vulnerablities.
As for Men? We like shapely figures and ego reinforcement - so, we're not much better.
Being human is great huh?

Stay far and away from Mr. Sexy and I'm glad you worked out your attractions here rather than at your place.
(He can't go to his... his wife's there :-)

Cheers -

True...
And good for you HaQueen:)

PS - I've been there! The office is the most natural dating service there is. It makes everyone 2 points more attractive... And if someone is in a position of power: add up to 5!

In 6 months you may not even notice him. The magic wears off in time... The "hot" new girl might as well be a guy's sister after a season or two :-)

And the hot office guy - reality will enter soon for you/him too...

Rock on... the excitement will pass...

Ok, so this guy I told you guys about is flirting rediculously. He texted me the other day saying that he thinks I think he's attractive. Well, I was honest and told him that that was true but nothing would remotely happen in this lifetime. Yesterday, I went to work to give him my hours and he was soooo cocky because he knew that I thought he was attractive. He is so full of himself and yet I keep getting sucked into his flirting games. I have to be forward with him the next time we work together and tell him that I'm happy in my relationship and he's married so we should not be talking about stuff like that. Honestly, I feel like I lost control when he thought he finally "had" me simply because like many other girls, I think he's attractive. Should I just ignore him or tell him this has got to stop, what do you think?

Well, you were honest which is good. Ignoring him will only add fuel to his fire, which will give him more drive to get your attention with his charming good looks. Telling him might be better because this way he will see that you have a back bone and that you will not be his mistress.

Glad Icould help:)

Just think this way, if you flirt with him, other guys will be jealous!
Oh men are like that,so make sure your action doesn't lead to fights among guys.
For the sake of team spirit, never make problems like that!;)