Ok so I'm going to admit right off the break here that I'm 17 years old, and my girlfriend is 16, both going into our senior year in high school. Anyway, we've been dating for about 6 months now. It's really weird, because in every past relationship I've been in it was a lot easier to let go than it seems like it would be if this relationship was to break off... I can't put my finger on why, but I can honestly say (tell me I'm too young or not) that I'm in love with her. We knew each other for quite a long time before we started dating, and knew that something was bound to happen between long before it was official.

For the first 4 months of so, everything was flawless. We were happy, we hung out almost every day. Aside from the occasional arguments that just come hand-in-hand with being in a relationship, it was perfect. However, I began to notice that she was leaving me little room to do other stuff. For example, she was the one that always asked me to hang out... and that was virtually every single day unless SHE was busy. If I told her that I wanted a day to hang out with my friends or do something on my own, she would get mad at me and tell me that I should hang out with her instead.

Another example... during the school year I was going to DC for a school trip with some of my friends for a week, and she was really depressed that I was going. She begged for me NOT to go more than once... I didn't really think much of it at the time, but as this continued for a while (approaching summer), I guess I began to think she was being kind of clingy.Basically, my worst fear that I thought was impossible was coming true: I felt like I was with her TOO much.

But then it happened... summer. She even told me a couple weeks before school got out that summer changes her... changes her relationships. Well I didn't think of it too much at the time, because how much can someone REALLY change just because school is out? Well apparently I should have thought that through a little more... She told me when we first started dating that her past two 8-month relationships ended towards the end of summer... her last one because her "boyfriend got mad at her all the time for hanging out with her friends," and she suggested they take a break, but he said no.

Anyway, she started working a lot (almost every single day), and I knew this part because we agreed before summer that we would allow each other to work. However, I noticed that something else had changed other than her work schedule. She became somebody who I didn't know anymore. I guess you could say that our views on our relationship got completely swapped. She started hanging out with her friends during all of her free time off work, and only me when she didn't have anything else to do. I became the last resort. Not to mention that a large group of her best friends are guys... I guess I'm a jealous person to an extent, but when she tells me stories of how her, her other girlfriends, and her guy friends, all hang out and sometime sleep over and each others' houses just for the hell of it. Also, she never invites me to hang out with them. I've never gotten her to fully admit it to me, but I know that she thinks I would just ruin the fun. She tells me that I need to go hang out with my friends because that's what she's doing... but naturally, my friends are all pretty lame. Lol... So I'm stuck in a jam.

Now I'm going to admit that I would consider myself a nice guy and always have been. But apparently there's such a thing as too nice... she became brutally honest. Pointing out all my flaws, telling me I'm boring, etc etc. Well I immediately got defensive and started blaming, naturally, myself because I've never found the balls to stand up and tell her that she's being a jerk. She then proceeded in accusing me of having no self-confidence because I blame myself all the time.

Sooo this is where I got stuck in a never-ending cycle of either A) Blame myself and be accused of having no self-confidence whatsoever and feel like crap, or B) Stand up and tell her what she's doing wrong and get ignored "for being mean..." and feel like crap. WHICH is the better option? As I already stated, I used option A for a while... but as the accusations continued and I felt helpless, I began to feel like she was starting to lose interest in me and didn't care for my feelings. I guess this is where I became the clingy one. I always got worried that she was secretly plotting a breakup behind my back. I began to call her all the time, asked her for her work schedule (which she thought was creepy and that I didn't need to know where she was 24/7).

I started seeking advice from my friends, asking them what they thought I should do. They all told me the same thing: stand up to her, so I did. I resorted to option B, and completely went against everything I believed in and started being the "honest jerk" (and I still feel like a jerk for sounding like an jerk). Well then she started to ignore me, said that I was "thinking too much" and needed to relax. Well from my POV, it's really hard to relax when my girlfriend is being a jerk and pointing fingers at me for everything. We got in a fight one night, and she said that she wanted time to herself. So we took a week break... and because I just COULDN'T find myself to be like her last boyfriend for one, and also couldn't bare to lose her, I decided to white knuckle it through a week without any contact... well that's over now, and the problems continue...

I try over and over to try and get her to see MY views on the relationship... and how she is being unfair... but any bringing up of the relationship issues topic just gets it slammed back in my face. I was reading around a bit about similar stories... and they basically gave me the hint that I should just try not calling her and become NOT clingy... even it I hated it. Well I'm pretty sure that that's what I'm going to do.

I really just don't know what I can do... YES, I love her... YES, I think she is ridiculous sometimes... but that's all relationships are, right? Love / Hate? So that's why I'm here... Do any of you have advice for me? Because trust me... I've spent more time thinking about this over the past couple weeks than I have thinking about sex in my whole life, believe it or not. I'm sure I left some key details in this, but I'd rather not read it over again. Thanks to all of you who read all of this... I'll really appreciate some help. =)

The way your girlfriend is acting is like someone who does not want to be in a relationship. She is not treating you the way she should. If someone cares about you they do not treat you callously - and no relationships are not a love/hate thing especially not after 6 months.

It seems to me that she is almost daring you to dump her. After 6 months of you not being able to spend time with her friends she now wants you to just step back while she spends all of her time with her friends and treats you like the last resort.

I'm not sure what you need advice with? If its wondering if this is normal in a relationship the answer is no. I would recommend cutting your losses, spending the summer with your friends and maybe you will meet a nice girl.

Hey Whisp!
I am not advocating any mind games, but I guess your friends are right, and you have to stop calling and persuading, begging etc. You have to get the backbone back and do what is right for you, not her. This doesn't mean acting like jerk but acting independently. Get busy with other things like studying, sports and hobbies to bring yourself esteem up. Hang out with friends and make friends with new people.
But don't chase, don't - you'll push her further away! Act as if you are happy with whichever her decision is.

Ok so here's the thing... if I WAS just to cut her off and say it's over, I'm trying to figure out what she would do. I asked her the other day WHY she is still with me even though she thinks her friends are more fun than me, etc... and she responded by saying it's "because I love you." Well love isn't enough. I'm not just going to sit here and think "oh, she says she loves me, so obviously I don't have to worry," because that's not going to happen. I've tried to tell her this many times and tried to get her to see my side, but as always, she responds with the "can we not talk about this, you think too much." I didn't know there was such a thing as thinking too much. Honestly... She calls me immature, probably because I've been clingy... but I'm going to change that and see where it goes.

At least it will give me a little break from having to deal with her BS until she decides to change something... because as it is, SHE'S the one who apparently either can't comprehend that she's wrong, or she is just plain trying to push me away. She basically treats me like a giant punching bag now, and I've told her not to take me for granted and think that she can just use me like that... and she says "oh I know, don't worry about it..." BUT I'M STILL worrying.

Thanks for the tips guys!

Whisp, I'm really sorry. It sounds as though your girlfriend wants you to be in a relationship with her, but she doesn't have to be in a relationship with you. It may be hard, but you need to give her an ultimatum. Tell her you're through calling her, and through thinking about this relationship. Put the ball in her court. Tell her if she wants a relationship with you, she needs to work for it for a change. You are not going to be at her beck and call. Tell her to call you when she's ready to show you some respect, but not before. Then leave it at that.

If she wants to be with you she will apologize. If she doesn't, she won't. Mutual love and respect is the foundation, and if she's not mature enough to be in a relationship, she could completely break your heart if you let her.

:(

Whisp:

I have been there, she's hot isn't she and plenty of guys want her? My take is that she is insecure and wants to control you. She wants you to break up with her so that when she moves on to the next guy that she already has lined up, she won't feel guilty.

Here's what you do, when she pulls back, you pull back, way back. Start hanging out with your friends, be polite but do not chase her, let her come to you. Eventually, I think that you will find that she is not all that and dating her is all about her.

Don't break up with her, only see her like once a week. If you break up with her, she will say "FINE!" and then throw it in your face with other guys. You are dealing with a controlling game playing child. Unless she can control you she feels weak, that's why they are attracted to people that will do anything for them and then walk all over them as they are never happy unless everything is their way.

Time for you to find someone else before she dumps on you and the heartache causes you months of grief. My take, start seeing someone else as friends (at least that's what she will hear) and get ready for the move.

Look at her pattern. Do not chase her.

Ok well another scenario... what if she invites me over to hang out and I'm free... do I just say I'm busy? Or do I go along with it. It seems like the option that goes along with what you guys are saying is the latter, but I guess I've just recently been under the impression that I should hang out with her every chance I get... Our family is going on vacation for a week this weekend, and tomorrow is the only day we will be able to hang out, so if she asks me to, what do I say then?

Keep on exercising your plan B. This relationship doesn't sound very healthy to me. If I were you I'd get out and stay out. A real meaningful relationship doesn't bring with it all of this stress and drama. Surely you have better things to do with your life than to allow yourself to be manipulated like this.

Ok so here's the thing... if I WAS just to cut her off and say it's over, I'm trying to figure out what she would do. I asked her the other day WHY she is still with me even though she thinks her friends are more fun than me, etc... and she responded by saying it's "because I love you." Well love isn't enough. I'm not just going to sit here and think "oh, she says she loves me, so obviously I don't have to worry," because that's not going to happen. I've tried to tell her this many times and tried to get her to see my side, but as always, she responds with the "can we not talk about this, you think too much." I didn't know there was such a thing as thinking too much. Honestly... She calls me immature, probably because I've been clingy... but I'm going to change that and see where it goes.

At least it will give me a little break from having to deal with her BS until she decides to change something... because as it is, SHE'S the one who apparently either can't comprehend that she's wrong, or she is just plain trying to push me away. She basically treats me like a giant punching bag now, and I've told her not to take me for granted and think that she can just use me like that... and she says "oh I know, don't worry about it..." BUT I'M STILL worrying.

Thanks for the tips guys!

OK, but now it's time to back up your words with actions. Talk is cheap, even tough talk. It sounds like you've given her a good dose of that. Now it's time to do something. That something should be clicking your heels and walking away and building a life for yourself and doing what you like to do.

Ok well another scenario... what if she invites me over to hang out and I'm free... do I just say I'm busy? Or do I go along with it. It seems like the option that goes along with what you guys are saying is the latter, but I guess I've just recently been under the impression that I should hang out with her every chance I get... Our family is going on vacation for a week this weekend, and tomorrow is the only day we will be able to hang out, so if she asks me to, what do I say then?

Do exactly what YOU want ; not what anyone else thinks you should do. If you want to hang out with her, then fine. And do it on your own terms. But if you don't want to or can't, then c'est la vie. The point is, you keep the ball in your court and you make the rules. If she can't or won't comply then it's so long sweetheart. This isn't meant to be haughty or arrogant ; it's about doing what's right for YOU.

So an update... as of 10 minutes ago.

My girlfriend called me around 8 tonight (which about when she gets off work) to tell me that she's on her way to my house. I kind of got a smirk on my face that she would go out of her way after her "tiresome workdays" to come here. Although, knowing her, I would get grilled when she got here about my room and office being a mess, so I FRANTICALLY cleaned my room, office, and even vacuumed everything so that she might be a LITTLE impressed. Not to mention that I seriously paid my little sis 5 bucks to help me clean my room.

So I waited... and waited... for about an hour after she initially told me she way coming. It should only take her 1/2 hour or so. Well she finally texted me saying "I'm gonna be in town a while, sry." I texted her back "how long will you be?" "I don't know I'm at starbucks." I immediately knew that she was with her friends. SO I waited some more... played Halo, yatta yatta yatta, until she texted me again... "I have to go home, sorry."... So I basically did ALL that cleaning for nothing for one, and two, I got screwed over again. The funny thing was, I predicted that happening because she usually can't stay out past 11:30 or so and it was already 9:30 around the time she texted me that. Well anyway, I did what I told myself I would do. Instead of being all like "awww that sucks," I responded with a "...whatever."

So I'm finally laying down the cards tonight and either she gets her priorities straight and show that she cares for me more than friends or I'm done. Or maybe I just won't say anything to her and just slowly distance myself from her and see how she eventually reacts to that... Any comments or other suggestions?

Oh and I forgot to add... she knows I'm leaving for vacation for a week.

Hello Whisp, I hate to say this but this is not a relationship, nor is it healthy. She calles all the shots and manipulates every situation to her advantage at your expense, and takes you for granted and expects you to go along with her program. You may think you know her, but you are finding out how selfish, and controlling she is. End this farce, and walk away from this, and find someone much more honest and caring. Disappear from her life, and don't give her another thought.