I am in a relationship and have been for 5 years,I have known this man since I was 16 and was my true love.I was married but at the end of my relationship I called him up and we had sex the day after he got married but never told me that before.Years later we got together and had broken up once when he asked me to move in with him but said you can come but not your son so I left.while we were apart I met another man who was sweet and I was really attracted to one day we had sex.I later discovered that my ex went overseas and he had sex in Asis too I found this out after we got back together.For the past 5 years I have been thinking about the other man and ringing him and texting him he turns me on and satisfies my emotional needs.Last year in November after his birthday we got together at his place and we started having sex but I couldn't finish it out of guilt.I cried for 3 days and told my partner that a friend had taken advantage of me so I stopped seeing him for a month.I couldn't bear not seeing him any more so I called him and we started talking again.The more time I spent with him and spoke to him the deeper I was falling for him missing him yearning him.The relationship grew stronger and he became my support when my relationship was falling apart.My boyfriend was verbally abusive he showed no love sex was as I call it just an empty out for him and I felt like I was just there to be the cook the cleaner the dolly on the arm and the empty out when he needed it.So I would go and visit my friend and make excuses to see him by saying I was visiting a girlfriend.I would stay the weekends with him and my boyfriend wouldn't even call me at all for days.I felt so unloved by him he didn't care so my relationship with my friend grew stronger every day couldn't wait to see him he made me so happy and gave me every thing a woman could need he really loved me.One day I had enough and told my boyfriend I was unhappy the relationship wasn't going anywhere and he said he was sorry I felt that way then went to sleep on the vouch so I left with my son and cat and went to stay with my friend.His ex-wife found out about me and told my boyfriend that we had been having an affair for 3 months.He went off at me and wanted me out of his house.The following day my friends ex came to his house and was abusive to me scared me to death.On Friday I went to my boyfriends house and was packing when he called me and told me he would forgive me and that he understood he was neglecting me and would take me back as he realised now that he loved me and wanted me to stay with him.This had happened before where he said he would change and that lasted for a week then he went back to his ways as he is 46.Never the less I went back and I know I have broken my friends heart but I was afraid of his ex and my boyfriend said he loves me and would forgive me and I promised him I would tell him if my friend ever rang or I saw him to get his trust back in me.He is really trying hard now and things between us are good he is paying attention to me making me coffee in the morning and the sex is great.I still think about my friend and the special times we shared together.He rang me the other day and all the memories started coming back so I messaged him asking him to stop messing with my head.Is it me am I still in love with him?but I also love my boyfriend despite how he treated me.When I was with my friend I could be myself I felt free to express my emotions and he encouraged that with my boyfriend I feel I have to be someone else and now particularly careful.What should I do stay with my boyfriend or seek to start over again with my friend who I can't let go of?Please help me I am so confused.

I think you should leave both of them alone. There is way too much drama there and you aren't really sure who you are and what you want which is why a lot of this is happening.

I think that Chuff has hit it on the head about you not knowing what you want. Your confused and going back and forth trying to find someone who makes you happy and failing. Leave them both alone, and stop having sex until you find out what makes you happy, and how to be happy with yourself. Until you do, all your relationships will be failures. Give yourself a chance to learn about you without any one else.

You shoulddefinately leave the boyfriend you will mbe much happier with the new guy in the end. It may take time but you will relaise your boyfriend is not what you what andat the moment it is only that you have been with hi for so long you are afraid to let go. Best thing you will ever do is find someone who loves and cares for you. I knowthis have been there and in your situation. Im a guy dated a girl for four yers she was cheating told me she would stop she did and didn't I thiught I loved her she told me she realised I was the one and she wanted to stay so I met another girl ddid not know what to do my girlfriend said she had changed and wanted to make things work. I ended up going with the new girl. Gretaest decision I ever made, the new girl was interested and treated me great from the beginning and always has , dwhere as my ex oly wanted to treat me great onceshe realised she was losing you. Why has it taken this for your boyfriend to treat you great, if he truly loved and anted to treat you well he would all thetime...

Take the chance and create a new life for yourself oryou will wake up in three years and still be regretting this. Im pretty sure of this..

No one took advantage of you, you should be honest about that. You were the one in hot pursuit - remember you stated you called the guy who had sex with you the DAY after he got married. That is not taking advantage of you.

Neither one of those guys sounds work more than the space that takes up their name. Sad to say this, but you are not doing yourself any favors either, by the way you have behaved. Playing both men at the same time.

You do need to take some time and get your head on straight. Whether you do that on your own or through some professional counseling, just do it. Find out why you cannot remain faithful, why you tolerate a cheating man, why you put up with an abusive man, why you lie to men, what drives you to play both sides of the fence with men, and why you cannot stand on your own two feet. Being single for a time is just fine. It allows you some space to get yourself together, find out what makes you do the things you do so that you do not repeat history. If you do not learn any lesson now you will do the same things all over again.

If you think your in love with two men it means you don't love either of them enough to be with them.

Get yourself healthy first and then worry about a partner.