I was going around with this girl for last 4 yrs. Though there were ups n downs in the relationship we were gng well with each other. 5 months ago she told me she was seeing another guy for a month or so and broke up with me. She had also been going around with other guys(not sleeping) in last 2 yrs. I feel totally heartbroken and miss her a lot. Please help me out

I feel your pain but not really.

I'm sure you do miss her, it's sad that she would even consider it. There was probably something sometime where maybe you went wrong with the relationship. Needy, clingy, what have you. Just an idea.

However let me tell you something. There are lots and lots of women. Today I had to meet my girlfriend that we broke up last week because she didn't want a boyfriend right now. I was depressed... then wildcat hooked me up with a website called www.sosuave.com

I read it and read it... and it gave me a hugeeeee confidence boost and got me out of this silly depression I was in. matter of fact it's 4am my time and I just got home because I was out talking to another girl that I can see potentially dating... and NOT as a rebound.

You might want to stay with her forever and forever... someone once told me though... "If there was a naked blonde hair, blue eyed, big breasted woman moaning your name, don't tell me you wouldn't do something about it"
Which pretty much means... if you get yourself out there and don't keep downing yourself on this one girl, you'll end up realizing you never wanted her anyway because now you have other girls that are better then she was. Hope that makes sense.

Hi,
This is all part of relationships; it's normal.
Make some new friends, and you will find someone you like, maybe even better.
Don't just sit around and wonder "what could have been".
Get out, go places, meet new people, and remember; today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Best of luck,
fredg

Hi, thanks for your replies. I understand what you guys mean... but its just the feeling of being cheated that is haunting me again n again. I want to live again

Dude - move on. She treated you like crap for a reason and I will tell you why.

She had no respect for you. You ca NEVER trust her again - ever. She's totally NOT worth it!

I have a feeling you became 'too nice' to her. Too available. You STOPPED BEING A CHALLENGE. YOU lowered her interest level. She STOPPED feeling attraction towards you because of the way YOU acted.

These aren't games - you can NEVER totally surrender to a woman. You need to be busy in your life(Turtle - here we go agan) - things in work, WORKOUTS (very improtant), family, friends, school, HOBBIES, etc.

Your significant other is part of your life - NOT your life.

People WANT what they can't have - ALWAYS! For ever - as long as you are with someone. You need to be busy in other things in your life.

I thin kyou probably suffer from "Nice Guy" syndrome - and she walked all over you.

Read this Dude:

What determines interest in another human being is a fascinating thing. Most people are actually on the fence at the start of most relationships. This means that almost every time someone can be swayed toward either liking you or disliking you. And he is moved in either direction - either closer or further - depending on how you relate to him.

This is because as human beings we are forever guided and governed by human nature. The bottom line is that it's not the person you're dating, it's the things you are doing that determine his or her level of interest. So if it's not you - defined as your looks, personality, background, and so on -it must be your that determines the direction and, ultimately, the outcome of the relationship behavior toward this person


This very powerful, yet simple psychological strategy can be summed up in one sentence:


You need to behave with the person you don't like the way you've been behaving with the person you do like.


You need to behave with the person you do like the way you've been behaving with the person you don't like


While there are many little aspects of one's behavior there are four main factors, which are discussed below.


Availability

People want what they can't have. By constantly making yourself available, you're actually diminishing your value. This is not a trick or a game to play, but a function of human nature. Attraction is not a fixed value. This means that what someone thinks about you is determined to a large extent by what you do, not but just who you are or what you look like. The law of scarcity is prevalent and relevant in every area of our lives, especially here. That which is plentiful is often under appreciated and that which is rare is held in high regard and considered valuable. When you are dating someone whom you are not interested in, you tend to make yourself available which is convenient for you. And when you're dating someone who you really like you're consistently available. Do the reverse.

This means when you're dating someone you don't like too much, if you are not baking cookies for him, calling him twice a day asking where the relationship is going, and so on, then don't do it with the person you like. And by the way, when you do this with the ones you don't like, they'll be scared off soon enough, so you've eliminated this problem as well.

Usually to get someone to like you, you want to make yourself available, because this increases liking. If this is so, doesn't it contradict the law of scarcity? Here's what is often misunderstood. If you want someone to like you, then you do indeed want to be in their company fairly often. This is true, but remember that liking is the foundation of every relationship. That means that once you move past the liking stage (meaning the person is already fond of you) and the relationship unfolds into something more serious, then you want to limit your availability.

Perspective

In your relationships, you need perspective. In life, when we derive pleasure from only one source we tend to overemphasis it's value and importance. You should find meaning in your life outside of the relationship so this person doesn't become your whole world. It's important to feel fulfilled in other areas in other areas of your life so you're able to maintain a sensible perspective and not rely on someone else's affection as your sole source of satisfaction and happiness. When you're dating someone you're not interested in, you have plenty of perspective because you're not thinking, "This is the only person for me; if I don't have him my world is over." You're thinking, "All right, let's see what happens; maybe he'll grow on me, and maybe he won't." And it's precisely that mentality that translates into the best attitude. And it's this attitude and your corresponding behavior that actually make you more attractive.


Passion

Here's the crux of how and why relationships work or fail. Simply, you can't appreciate what you take for granted. This in essentially why people, in general, become unhappy in their own lives. They always want more but are never grateful for what they have. And if you are not grateful with what you have, you will begin to take it for granted. And when you do this, you no longer appreciate it. And when you don't appreciate something it holds no enjoyment for you.
The same holds true for relationships. If someone takes you for granted he or she will not appreciated you and will begin to look for someone else. Similarly, if you went to the doctor and were told that you might lose your hearing, you would probably develop a renewed appreciation for sound. Our gratitude lies in being reminded that w should not take these things for granted.

And you don't take for granted what you believe can be taken away from you at any time. Similarly, if the object of your affections is a bit insecure with the relationship -meaning there is an element of doubt -then his or her black of confidence will not lead to arrogance and ingratitude. You must create an element of uncertainty or you will lose the passion that drives the relationship. Since it's possible for someone to be taken away from us at any time -by accident, by illness -why do you have to create more doubt?
If you're in love, you don't This is for those who are not yet at that stage, for whom we artificially and temporarily create the same "atmosphere" of uncertainty.

Again, without some doubt there is the feeling that "you will always be there." Then he no longer sees how great you are and loses appreciation for you. He begins to take you for granted and then and the passion dies. But you, in your relationship, can within a second reignite the passion and turn the relationship around by introducing an element of doubt. Passion is extinguished when there is no doubt because when there is no doubt you will be taken for granted. Just as in the previous example of going to the doctor; You never gave your hearing a second thought until you thought that it might not be there. When doubt is introduced into the equation it changes you perspective! I cannot stress this enough: You will be taken for granted and not appreciated and the passion will go out of the relationship if all elements of doubt are removed.
Unfortunately, when we are insecure about a relationship we harm it further by being clingier because we need reassurance. But in doing so you reinforce that you are forever his and remove in his mind any doubt that you might not always be there. And then passion is extinguished. It is a fact of human nature. But now that you understand you can use it to your advantage.

Remember that this and other factors discussed here are not ideas or tricks that work sometimes. These are laws that dictate human behavior. If you use them and operate within these parameters you can succeed at gaining complete leverage in any relationship. But finally, make sure that you don't make the mistake that most do when it comes to…how you make them feel.
Why can't I have an open, honest and trusting relationship? You can, of course, but you have to wait until you are in love with each other -and here's why. The above three tactics are ego-based and are designed to get you to this point, but should be discontinued so that you can move on to a mature and lasting relationship. Briefly, love is the absence ego or the "I". And once this takes root, the dynamics of the relationship change so that the more the person is available, and the more he does for you, the more you love him. As far as passion goes, you need only introduce some uncertainty should you feel you are being tasken for granted.


How You Make Them Feel

She likes you based on how you make her feel about herself. This doesn't contradict the above. You should still maintain the above behavior -regarding your attitude and availability-but you do want to treat the person well. It's bad advice, though often given, that you don't want to build up someone's confidence, and be overly flattering and complimentary, because then she will "know that you like her" and back off. To a degree, we know this can be true, because when someone likes us, while we are flattered, we can find ourselves less interested in the person. This reaction comes courtesy of the rule that says, We want what we can't have and want more of that which we have to work for. Simply, if it falls in our laps we tend to have less appreciation for it.


But herein lies the crucial difference between being attentive and kind versus telling her that she is your entire world and the only person for you. (Because, as we talked about, this removes doubt and begins to erode the passion.) The former is more objective and has to do primarily with her. The latter involves your relationship and invokes the rule of scarcity. Notice the crucial difference between saying how much you like this person -which makes you lose leverage -and telling her that she is likable and a great person. Merely stating that somebody is terrific makes her feel great and makes you look great. It's a winning combination because it's only the confident person who tells another how wonderful and terrific she is. And we like confidant and secure people! The distinction is often blurred and we end up trying to "play it cool" and not wanting to "show our hand." This accomplishes little and creates a cold and uncomfortable atmosphere. But lavishing this person with "objective" praise shows you in the best and most confident light and makes her feel great! Again, you want to let her know that you think she's great but not that she is your whole world and that you can't live without her.

The fastest way is too lose leverage and to lose someone that you like is to do the opposite of the above. That means making yourself completely available, having no perspective, removing all doubt, and being uncomplimentary. Do this and you can be sure that you'll be back dating someone you don't like very much.
For this new knowledge to be useful you mist memorize it and practice it all the time.

I am sure you made ALL the 'Nice Guy' mistakes:

1. Being TOO nice and doing WAY too much for her.

2. OVER communicating - woman HATE that - ALWAYS calling them 5 times a day - then e-mails - then text. Woman HATE that! Be less available. BUSY!! Don't call every day. NEVER always pick up the just because it's her.

3. Try to BUY her affection - too many dinner, presents etc. - woman hate that!! Gifts are to be totally rationed.

4. Being too agreeable. ALways letting HER make the decisions. Always avoiding a conflicts so as not to 'upset' her. Woman are full of emotions - they have to get upset.

5. Trying to CONVINCE her to like you - bad for business! You can NEVER convice someone to like you! Never.

6. Being too available - not going out with your friends. You can't and don't always want to be with her - even if you feel that way.

7. Not understanding how attraction works with woman - even if you dated for 4 years - you STILL have be a challenge. This is no Wuss-bot to turn into and be a ll nice.

8. Putting her on a freakinf pedestal and putting her before you. Yuck - woman want YOU to be the prize.

9. Being too needy-clingy - woman despise that! I have a feeling the last few months you felt real needy for her and she was certainly repulsed!

Go to these websites and read every article on woman and dating! Learn!!

www.sosuave.com

www.askmen.com

I wouldn't EVER want this woman back, but if so you're going to have to do the following:

1. NOT call her for at least 2 to 3 months or more (YES YOU HAVE TO STOP ALL COMMUNICATIONS NOW!! ) - she has to think you have moved on - make her MISS YOU. (I am not sure you can do this though.) Leave her alone for now.

2. Change! YOU have to change!! It's YOU AND your behavior that chased her away - nothing more. Your soft, boyish behavior killed the attraction.

3. Dqt other woman!! Now!! 1. it might make her jealous 2. you may met a BETTER woman.

4. Get in great shape. Join a gym now.

She cheated on you. She broke your trust. Why do you want her back?
Get busy getting a better life. Fill it up with good stuff. Some of that good stuff will eventually be a better woman.

Yes -woman usually break trust with you WHEN you become needy and clingy - when you STOP being a man.

You lowered her interest level - boom - she's gone.

Personally if a guy became needy and clingy, I would break up with him, I wouldn't cheat. She didn't think very highly of you. As much as it hurts, you are better off without her.

I agree, No she didn't think much of you to cheat. Woman cheat when they lose respect.

Seriously - you were with her for 4 years. YOU did something to lower her interest level big time. You need to figure out what you did wrong and change.

I'd would NOT worry about this gal - she cheated and then told YOU about - WHAT A GAL ! - Nope.

Thanks wildcat and turtlegirl. I was taking her for granted.. but I didn't even dream of breaking her trust. Anyway.. whts gone is gone... and truly speaking if she could do this to me... she wasn't worth it

Going forward, you need to change - I have a feeling you put her a head of a lot of things in your life - woman gate that. You had her on a pedestal.

PLEASE go to some of those sites I listed.