I have talked about this on here before. My husband gets off way to fast. Like 1 minute. But that isn't what is bothing me. Well part of it. We had sex tonight and like always he got off in 1 minute or less. I began to cry. He said he was sorry. I know he meant it , but saying Im sorry and not doing anything about it. Isn't going over very well with me. I told him my needs aren't being meet. This has been going on for 11 years. I have cheated on him and I hated myself for it and I promised myself I would never do that again. What my ? Is. Shouldn't he be more concerned about this. I feel I am the only one that is concerned over this. I can't get him to go to the doctor. Or try anything. In the past we have tried creams and I have ordered some pills to see if they help. We have used condoms and he will last maybe 3 or 4 minutes longer but that is it. I talked to my doctor about it and he just says in time it will go away. Seeing a sex therapist is out of the ? He won't do it. Shouldn't he be willing to do what ever it takes, if he really loved me. I know I would for him.

Honey... you can't change him. If he cared how you felt, he would do *something* to work on this.

Honestly... if he doesn't start working on this with you, either with sex therapist or a physician, he's going to end up in marriage counseling wondering why your marriage is failing. Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship, but not even trying very hard to please your partner is generally a sign of something more important that's wrong.

Yes, I believe if he really loved you this problem would be sorted by now. You are not compatible sexually. He can't change things any more than you can. What you can do is talk, try to work it out… perhaps some compromise. Try asking him to spend some time just pleasuring you…. His turn can be another night. He sounds selfish but I don't think he is. He may simply be lazy or too laid back. But after 11 years, if it isn't working now I don't think it ever will.

I can talk to him and yes he is lazy when it comes to me... I just don't want a divorce. I love him , but I am holding back my sexuality. We aren't sexually compatible. I am a freak in bed and he knows this. I am very open to what I like and don't like. We talk about everything very well but on this area we don't like I wish we could. When I bring it up I am very careful on what I say to not hurt him. I am a very sexual person. Maybe I am too much. Could it be me ? I think he feels less of a man because of this. Even though I tell him a lot of men have this problem. I don't want to hurt him in any way.

You are taking too much onboard. You are protecting him too much. There is a problem and it must be faced.

So where do you think I should begin ? I know he is sexualy attracted to he. A lot of men are. I just don't know what to say or do here.

There isn't much you can do to change him... he is GOING to have to see a doctor or a sex therapist if he wants to keep this marriage together and you NEED to express this to him. I'm sure he feels embarrassed and less of a person about all of this and that's probably what's keeping him from getting the professional help he needs. After 11 years, he should have a longer sexual stamina that 1 minute or less... so this has nothing to do with him, it's a medical disorder that he can't control and he needs to realize this!

Would the age have something to do with it ? Hw is 27 and I am 40

Well he's young and actually beyond or right at his sexual peak... he should have a probably with short sexual stamina at this point in his life... he needs to see a doctor!

Believe me this it hurting him too. Now one min for ten years sounds like a serious problem. I think it may have something to do with him never really experiencing a normal sexual relationship. I know this sounds strange, but if I were seventeen and had a sexy 30 year old interested in me I'm sure my confidence would be down as it related to pleasing her. I would feel inferior sexually, and we all know that sex is highly mental. In all honesty I know you guys need counseling. I think you have a situation where he has developed this mentality of being inferior to you sexually, and it manifests itself by premature ejaculation. When I was younger to alleviate this I would masturbate before a sexual encounter. This solved my problem, but I think you guys have a more serious situation. I hope I was helpful in my out loud philosophy

I just thought of something else have him take a physical and have his testostorone tested. Low testostorone could cause premature ejaculation also.

Hello babi:

This thread is full of what he needs to do... Bull. He's not going to do ANYTHING, is he? If he was, he'd a done it by now...

Nope... YOU are the one who has to act. Talking to him - pleading with him ISN'T acting. It's more of the same.

WHAT should you do?? I don't know. I hear you say you don't want a divorce. I also hear you say that you want to get laid. I'll bet getting laid is going to win - AND IT SHOULD. Getting laid is what it's all about...

My suggestion that you act is to prompt him to act. It may not. K. Then you got a dud on your hands and I'd start looking for the one who is going to wow you in the sack.

excon

I know most of all this has been in what he should do. The only way I get PLEASED is if I use my toys and I have had it with doing this. I want a man to please me.
I don't want to cheat, but I may have to. I have the chance all the time, but I don't do it. I do love my husband, but enough is enough here.I will talk to him to night when he comes home. He knows I hae cheated before. I have even told him " If you dont please me , I will find one that will" I know this hurt him, but hell I am being hurt to.believe me I don't want to cheat again. But if he won't do anything about this... than what

Good answer RU a psychology major??

I'm not telling you to go out and cheat, but people don't realize just how important sex is. It is damn important to me too. Like Para said I wonder if it is a mental thing. Has he had sex with anyone else, and how did that turn out. I wou;d want to know that before I leave him.

He Has Had Several Other Girls And From What He Told Me It Was The Same . He Got Off To Soon

Maybe your really hot. Try looking ugly, don't comb your hair, don't shower and smell really bad, don't wax your facial hair or legs, and eat lots of onion and garlic. I AM SURE IT WILL TAKE HIM A LONG TIME TO GET OFF AFTER ALL THAT! You will have the best sex of your life! He will never lose his load in one minute after that... he might last all night.

He knows a lot of men are attracted to me. Men come on to me all the time. I talked to a male friend about this and he told me,"maybe I am too much of a woman for him and that he may feel he isn't good enough for me. I am 40 years old and everyone tell me I look 27 I just take very good care of my body and the way I look means a lot to me. But to me if he wants to keep me. He should please me in bed and out. He really is a good man. But very very bad in bed.

I want a man to please me. I dont want to cheat, but I may have to.
No, you don't have to. If you do, it will be because you decide to. If it really is a deal-breaker, tell him so, and tell him that if he won't go to a counsellor, doctor or sex therapist you're filing for divorce. If he won't go, get the divorce, and then go out and fu*k your brains out. If you're going to leave him over this, at least do it with some class. If you just go out and get laid, it will probably end the marriage anyway, but with a lot more heartache all around.

Like I said before I don't want a divorce at all.

Yeah its bad for teens to post on adult sexuality. Aren't these teens going to listen? I mean we don't ever provide them with shows that show teenagers having sex or we don't sell it to them all the time. So where would they get this idea or be so bold? Anyway j_9 its very bad for teens to post on adult sexuality.

I agree. They have no idea what a 11 year marriage is all about. I just need help in what to do about this. I love him, but he won't go with me to get help. He does feel bad about this and he does love me. We just have this big problem that just keeps dragging on and on.

Honestly I don't think it's anything physically wrong with him, it could be that u feel to good for him, I know that sounds dumb but...
The more you have sex he SHOULD... last longer, do u do it just once when u do it... if u did it 2 or 3 times it last longer every time, and eventually he'll just be able to go without it even being a problem...

After he is done the first time. It is over

Well then that is something to try to work on, after the first time, trust me, it'll get a lot better, try it and see if it works

I think he feels less of a man because of this. Even though I tell him a lot of men have this problem. I don't want to hurt him in any way.
This would hurt anyone's feelings, and cause resentments, but even more telling is you have been with him since he was 16 and you were 29. I think he is overwhelmed, and you must take more control to make sure you are satisfied. Does he know about your cheating? It almost seems as he knows you are hurt by him not satisfying you, and doesn't care. You both need some good counseling, as there is too much here and I think some facts we know nothing about.

I believe you have helped me more with what you just said. When I take control , it is better. I bought an extension today to help down the sensation for him. We are going to try this out tomorrow night and he is very glad I bought it. We know that condoms help a little, soI thought this would help even more. I feel you are right. He has just gave up. I will let everyone know if it helped.

Glad to help, let me know how things turn out,
If it doesn't work we'll think of something else...

Good luck
Adam

Show him who's boss... lol

Hi,

I don't usually answer questions in this topic, but it seems to me that you really are hurting and I want to help if I can.

First of all, what your husband and you are experiencing isn't all that unusual. According to Kinsey's 1950 study, 3/4 of all men ejaculate within 2 minutes of penetration.

There are several ways that your situation may be aleviated.

1) There are certain creams that can be used before sexual activity that lower sensitivity slightly, which may give him better control and the ability to last a bit longer. They are generally available in drug stores near the condoms.

2) Take your time before allowing him to penetrate. If he gets off too quickly after penetration, then take your time before allowing penetration.

3) Many sex counselors and therapists say that you should talk to your husband about what it is that pleases you... and possibly do it to yourself while he watches to show him what you like.

4) There are various excersises that are recommended by therapists that you and your husband can use. One popular one is called the "start-stop method" whereby the male masturbates himself to erection, then stops, and begins again when the erection begins to wane, stopping again when the erection is full. Over a period of weeks, this exercise can build his tolerance. He should avoid frustration, however, if during this excersize he ejaculates early. He can just use the "mistake" to learn his body's responses to stimulation, and use that information to improve the excersize the next time. After a while, you can join him in the excersize by stimulatin him as he tries to maintain control and tells you when to stop before he ejaculates. (It can also be a kinky tease for him, but that is for later.)

5) In the same vain as #4, it might help if he masturbates shortly before having sex with you. This will "take the edge off" of his sensitivity, and increase his stamina. The stimulation you give him will have less of an overwhelming effect on him if he has already ejaculated recently.

I hope that these ideas give you some level of comfort and relief. There is hope for you and your husband. Keep trying, and keep communicating with each other, and I'm confident that you'll find a solution that works for the two of you.

Elliot

Yes it is a very big problem for the both of us. We do talk about this. But it is harder on him. He feels very bad about this problem. I do show him by doing it to myself. What I like and he very much enjoys watching it. Like all men would. But I am to the point where it gets old. I just want him to last. I have gotten a lot of feed back on this and I thank you all very much. Each of you have helped.

Did you try that?? If it doesn't work, let me know, I think I may have another suggestion that would help him...

It didn't work. I think I just need to give up on this. I am so tired of this. 11 years is enough for me. I will just give up on him pleasing me and just do it myself. Just live with the fact that he can't do it and realize it is hopeless. As you can tell I am very upset right now. I GIVE UP

Don't give up, keep trying, if it doesn't work then hey, get it somewhere else or do it yourself, you can do different stuff to make it not boring, come on use u'r imagination.. lol , if you have to have it then get it, go get pleased, if he won't try, or try different products, or councling then do what you got to do baby girl. You come first, remember that, in ALL aspects of marrige, or any relationship, if he really cared for you, he would be all for it. Seriously, I'm a guy, I know what I'm talking about..

Wait a minute, he was 16 and you were 29 when you married?? There's nothing wrong with an age difference but he was just a boy when you got married... It's a bit weird if you ask me...

But anyway, I agree with rankrank55, he's reaching the normal age where your sexuality peaks. Just slow down. When he feels like he's getting there, stop moving! Wait til' he's relaxed again, he has to learn how to control it. Just take your time. Help yourself out too, so when you feel like you're almost ready, get to it and let him go too... I don't know. :rolleyes:

And all the comments about how he doesn't care about you should be erased. He's young,(younger than her) he can't help it if he's getting his rocks off the minute he gets through the door!! Help him to control his sensations, like I said up there... Make him learn, be on top so you have control over the situation :p

And don't go cheating on him, that's just wrong! And you know it is. Gawd, the poor guys at his sexual prime, don't make him feel worse than he already does :(

Good luck :D

I think there is something besides sex in this relationship, that needs to be worked on. That's obvious as there is no way a willing male can't satisfy his female, unless he is NOT willing. I think he is holding a resentment, because of some past event. You need some talking to get done or maybe he isn't sharing all his feelings with you. He may say he forgives your cheating because of his problem, but that may not be the case. I think it goes beyond sex.

Well we talked for a long time and I told him how tis has been making me feel all these years. We talked about me cheating on him in the past and why I did. He understood and said he was sorry that it came to that. I wish with everything in me that I hadn't. The reason I even told him in the first place was because I felt so bad about it. He does forgive me and knows If I had it to do over I wouldn't do it again. I do get sexually frustrated at times and think of it, but if it comes down to it I wouldn't. The talking about it helped a great deal. And we have decided to try new things. He is great at oral and I can be pleased this way. He works such long hours anywhere ron 65 to 70 per week and he is very tired during the week so the weekends are going to be our time to work on this. And this is a week end so who knows...

65 to 70 hours a week. Wow, no wonder why there is sexual frustration and no wonder why he is tired all the time. Then man obviously works very hard. Just wanted to say good luck to you and I hope that your able to work through your issues with him.

Joe

I have found that males are very reluctant to go to doctors / therapist for sexual issues due to embarrassment.

There is one technique you could try that is helpful and does not involve medical intervention and can be tried at home without supervision. Its called Tantric sex. There is a lot of philosophy in the technique but this isn't a necessity, the sexual techniques tought by this work wonders. They helped my partner and myself through a sticky patch so I speak from experience on this one.

If you look it up and learn some of the techniques yourself first you will be able to apply them without his knowlegde and see how you get along.

The techniques include ways for males to delay orgasms and the bonus to that is also multiple orgasms for the male if the techniques are practiced.

If some of them work when you look it up and he is still unwilling to consider it then you may want to rethink the entire situation.

As already noted, sex isn't the entire relationship, but, it's a rather large part of the relationship bonding process and females in particular put more weight on the bonding part of sex to re-enforce the bond.

Please let me know if this has been helpful at all

Nicnet

He works such long hours anywhere ron 65 to 70 per week and he is very tired during the week
This would have been very helpful to know in the beginning. Poor guy is worn out.

We had sex last night and he would stop and hold back and start again.. we did this for about 30 minutes. We are going to keep doing this every time. He finally listened to me and how it was hurting me all these years. Starting and stopping was frustrating as hell to me , but it is a small price to pay for the outcome. Today he was able to go longer before having to stop. Which was great. To eveyone that has posted here. I would like to thank you all. Everyone was very helpful. But most of all. It helped me to open up with my husband. Again THANKS TO ALL OF YOU.

Told you that you would get it... lol congrats

Well I am back with the same problem. He has cut his hours back to 45 a week. So we will have more time together. But like always, he will work on this for a while than it is back to the same old thing. I talked with him yesterday about this and he told me he was just being lazy in our relationship. And said he would work on it. But no change yet. And to be honest I feel this is just going to be something I will have to live with because I do love him and I don't want to cheat. So I give the he.. up on this. I have been trying for years and he will always start to try and less than a week it is back to the minute man. Not trying to make his self last any time at all. THANKS GOD FOR MY TOYS...

Must buy more

Well this is what has happened over the past few months. I cheated and I don't feel bad about it. I told him I was going to. Now if he believed me or not I don't know. But I really don't care anymore. We have other problems as well. That I have posted on the marriage area. This guy knows it is only sex I want and that I am not going to leave my husband. At least not at this point anyway. But I wouldn't for this guy anyway. He is cheating as well. But it is with girlfriend not a wife.