I haven't seen any humour on here today, and all the upsetting posts are getting me down a bit, so I thought I'd interject some fun into Thursday! Add any you have, as usual! :D

My dog's a blacksmith. Every time we open the front door he makes a bolt for it.

I was chopping up carrots with the Grim Reaper the other day. I was dicing with death!

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies" ~ Groucho Marx

Police arrested two youths for drinking battery acid and eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other off!

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

A large hole was found in the M25. The police are looking into it.

My wife's going to Indonesia on holiday!
Jarkarta?
No, she wanted to go!

My wife's going to the Caribbean on holiday!
Jamaica?
No, it was her idea!


:D :rolleyes:

Thank you, thank you fans!

J

I didn't get the one with the battery acid and fireworks, but good jokes overall!

My girlfriend's a stand-up comedian. She stands me up, and she thinks it's hilarious. -Me

If a fat girl falls in the forest, and nobody hears it, do the trees laugh? - G.W. Boles, Beaumont, TX

Ha ha, loving that second one!

*rolls eyes*

An areoplane full of spitle dived in the sea, there were no salivas!

Brilliant joke my lovely! Ha ha ha!

Thanks!

Is it better than 'What has pockets and flies? A pair of trousers!'?

Hehe

Oops! I can't understrand, even one...
55555555555

Thanks!

Is it better than 'What has pockets and flies? A pair of trousers!'?

Hehe

And it's MUCH better than


What has pockets and a pair of flies? Trousers!

Ha ha ha! ;)

I didn't get the one with the battery acid and fireworks, but good jokes overall!

Battery : charge

Fireworks : should be set off

I was going to do that, but I hate explaining jokes! Lol!

Kind of loses the funniness when you have to explain, doesn't it!

What do you call a monkey in a microwave?

A Baboom!!

The male is a domestic animal who, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper

I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported. - Mae West

A man walked into a bar and said 'Ouch!'

An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie

A man walked into a bar and said 'Ouch!'

Two blondes walk into a building - you'd have thought one of them would have seen it!

I was going to do that, but I hate explaining jokes! Lol!

Why are jokes like rats?

Because they both die when dissected.

:p

A drum kit falls off a cliff... *Boom* *Boom* *Tttshhhh*

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why is it lighting an outdoor grill always makes the wind blow?

Now, as a public disservice, our legal expert, Percy Perjury, offers these helpful hints on "How to Get Off Jury Duty:"
• Paste a tattoo on your arm that says, "Hang 'em high!"

• When being questioned by attorneys, before answering each question, flip a coin.

• Wear a hangman's noose for a necktie.

• Bring the prosecuting attorney a cake that says "Happy Birthday, Uncle Harry."

• Insist on being sworn-in on a copy of "Batman" comics.

• Bring your own sackful of evidence and pass it around to all prospective jurors.

• Learn to whistle "The Prisoner's Song" very loudly without moving your lips.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It takes 400 cocoa beans to make just one pound of chocolate. And it takes just one pound of chocolate to make 400 pimples.

L0L! Awesome jokes eh!:p

Hilarious