Hi guys! I wonder if you could please help me... I've been going out with this guy for more than a year now. When we were together for about 6 months I found half naked photos of his ex in front of his Bible. I confronted him about it and he said that he had forgotten about it and that he hadn't open his Bible recently. He then threw it away. I asked him where the negatives was and he said that he thinks his ex has it with her. Last night I asked him again about those photos, it just crossed my mind and I was still curious about it. So he said that there was 1 pack of those half naked photos and 1 pack of their vacation together. I immediately told him that he said that she had the photos, so she said that's what he thougt, but he found them one morning between his stuff and threw them away. How will I know if he really threw it away?? The one night I showed up at his house without his knowing. He heard the car and ran to the front door. I could see that he was just been masturbating. I was furious, and aked him if he really threw that photos away or did he use that while he was masturbating. He said he threw it away and that he didn't think about anything while doing it. He said that he was ashamed that I found him doing that. It was the first time he did it since we went out. Should I believe him?? He really loved that irl a lot and wanted to marry her, but she refused. Please help me guys, I don't want to lose him.

How are you going to lose him? Him and his ex are done and you are with him for a while now. Relax and have a good time with him today. Trust him, it 's all you can do. If you find out he's been lying then that's different. You will lose him if you don't stop. Worrying never did anybody any good!

Your boyfriend keeps half-naked pics of his ex on his bible? And he whacks off in a place people can see him from the street? And you want this guy... why?

Well, I guess I'll have to work under the assumption that there's some really good reason you like this guy (my guess is he's great in bed, or possibly has a really nice car... ). You should probably just confront him and ask if he's still in love with his ex. You'd think after a year he'd be over her. You may have just caught him in a moment where he thinks of her, and so it may not be a regular occurrence. If that's the case, then I wouldn't worry too much... but if this continues then he's clearly still hung up on her and you have to decide if you want to compete with this girl.

Thanks huno, I have asked him over and over again if he still loves her and he said no every time. He says that I'm the one reminding him of her all the time. Because I am constantly worrying about it. He said that he didn't think about her and that the photos had long before he done that been thrown away. He said the pressure build up and that he couldn't hold out anymore and so he did that. Is there a way I will know if he's talking the truth??

Well, I honestly wouldn't know how you can figure out if he's telling you the truth... unless you have a polygraph/lie detector.

Is he into bondage? You could pretend to be doing bondage but actually have him rigged to the lie detector. That's one way. But a more realistic way is to just wait and see if the pictures re-emerge. If he hasn't actually thrown them out they'll still be around and that's when you know he's still thinking about her.


--huno

P.S.: if you do decide to try my first suggestion, you'll have to work in the question into your dialogue... maybe something like this:

"So do you want mommy to spank you, little boy?"

"Yes, please!"

"Do you want mommy to hurt you?"

"Yes!"

"And are you still currently in possession of photographs of your former girlfriend in a partially nude state?"

The one night i showed up at his house without his knowing. He heard the car and ran to the front door. I could see that he was just been masturbating. i was furious, and aked him if he really threw that photos away or did he use that while he was masturbating. He said he threw it away and that he didnt think bout anything while doing it. he said that he was ashamed that i found him doing that. it was the first time he did it since we went out. should i believe him???

Why would you be furious that he was masterbating? It's not cheating. It's his HAND!! :rolleyes: Seriously, girl. Get a grip. (no pun intended) It's perfectly normal for people to masterbate. It's a release. Orgasms help relieve tension and stress. He shouldn't have to feel ashamed about it. And no offense, but masturbation is a personal thing and it's really none of your business if he was thinking about sex with his ex or if he was thinking about some porn star or the girl that works at the coffee shop. On the flip side, he could have been thinking about you. Sheesh!

Now, as far as the pictures go... Okay, having half naked pictures of an ex - not cool. But if he said he threw them away then you have to TRUST him and take his word. If you don't trust him then your relationship is doomed to fail.

He may have loved his ex, but he's not with her now. He's with YOU. If he says you keep reminding him about his ex then stop being so paranoid about his past. His past relationships are not important. What is important is that he is with you now. If you don't want to lose him then chill out, stop bringing up the ex, and learn to trust him.

Good luck.

Soft porn on a bible? Hmmm that's where the church is going wrong lol

I think your blowing things way out of proportion. Appreciate what you have, and forget the old pix.

Definitely way out of proportion. You're obsessed with it, and your obsession is creating a rift in your relationship.

When he masturbates or how isn't your business. As Pixie said above, it doesn't matter what he thinks about and you shouldn't be furious that he was doing it. You don't own him or his thoughts, and he's with you and cares about you, so just let it go. You are in a relationship but you are still two separate people with two separate pasts. Everyone thinks about their past, including you.

Where's the trust? Why are you so jealous?

Ok, so I've met this really gorgeous guy once at a party. We danced and made jokes together. So, he took my number and called me a week later to go drink coffee with him. We went on a few dates after that. After one of the dates it happened, we had sex! He didn't call me for a while after that. One day he he phoned me again and said that he was home alone and I should come visit him. We had sex again! So, a little while ago we walked into each other again and he said that he has spoken to his dad, whom I've never met, about me and said that he likes me, but he doesn't know what I want and what goes on in my head! After that conversation he phoned me a lot! Last weekend I went to visit him, because it was his birthday party and he kept on saying that he likes me a lot! And that he is wondering what would happen to us in the future, because we live 2hours from each other! He wondered which one of us is going to move if we're going to move. I spoke to him last night and he asked me if I love him, and we joke about it and I said I do. He said to me that love is a big word, but he certainly likes me a lot. I was just wondering is he putting me through a test 2 see if I'm really the one or does he just want 2 sleep with me??

I know it's probably not what you want to here but I feel he's using you for sex. Tell him you're flattered by his intensions and that you do care about him but the distance and the fact that he didn't call you after two occasions that you had slept together, you are very sorry but it's got to end, you will then need to ignor his calls and texts, tell him you need to move on and it was a mistake. Try to be tactile and friendly, don't make him feel hurt.
Good luck.

I have been dating this wonderful guy for 2 and a half months now. We live 2 hours from each other and see each other every weekend. Is the distance healthy for a relationship? Because during the weeks I miss him so much and when the weekends come, it flies by so quickly! I really like this guy and I think we've got something great going here! Do you have any advice for me?

I am sorry, I don't really see a 2 hour distance as really long distance, if it was a 10 hour or a 2 day distance. You can phsycially see each other on weekends, do chats on computer at night, use free long distance on computer phones, video phone on computer and more. Also if you dive one hour and he drives one hour, you can even meet between for dinner one night a week. There is nothing wrong with this at all.

anneli769 writes: "...coz during the weeks i miss him so much...." I don't see anything unhealthy in a two hour driving distance. Are you becoming too dependent on him? Possibly. How often do you text? How often do you email? By cell?

Hey george! We speak to each other everyday and during the day we chat through msn.. I wouldn't say that I'm dependent on him, I would rather say that I miss seeing him.. I'm new in this long distance thing.. me and my previous boyfriend saw each other everday.. so I think its just me trying to get use to this.

I understand and congrats to you. I thought you might need some heart insurance; unfortunately, the prototype isn't completed.

As long as you both are committed for the long run, it can work.

I think it depends on the relationship and the two people involved, as well as how you keep it going when you aren't together. My now husband and I had a long distance relationship for three years, where we lived 1800 miles apart, and saw each other for about a week to two weeks out of each year. In between those visits, we talked every single day, for hours at a time. We got to know each other inside out, better than we'd ever known anyone else in our lives. We've now been a couple for eight years, and married for five. Good luck to the two of you!

Hi guys! I wonder if you could please help me... I've been going out with this guy for more than a year now. When we were together for about 6 months I found half naked photos of his ex in front of his Bible. I confronted him about it and he said that he had forgotten about it and that he hadn't open his Bible recently. He then threw it away. I asked him where the negatives was and he said that he thinks his ex has it with her. Last night I asked him again about those photos, it just crossed my mind and i was still curious about it. So he said that there was 1 pack of those half naked photos and 1 pack of their vacation together. I immediately told him that he said that she had the photos, so she said that's what he thougt, but he found them one morning between his stuff and threw them away. How will i know if he really threw it away???? The one night i showed up at his house without his knowing. He heard the car and ran to the front door. I could see that he was just been masturbating. i was furious, and aked him if he really threw that photos away or did he use that while he was masturbating. He said he threw it away and that he didnt think bout anything while doing it. he said that he was ashamed that i found him doing that. it was the first time he did it since we went out. should i believe him??? He really loved that irl alot and wanted to marry her, but she refused. Please help me guys, i don't wanna lose him.
Hi your boyfriend needs to repent of sex before marriage altogether. He should get help for the masturbation, confess to a friend and pray, bind the spirit every time it tries to manifest and cast it out is helpful. No christian should have naked pics of anyone. Getting busy about the Lords business enables us to walk in the spirit and not fulfill the lusts of the flesh (Galatians). God has a wonderful plan for both your lives lifes too short for this messing around surely? If he doesn't get serious about the Lord then you can do better, don't listen to unbelievers for advice either.

I found half naked photos of his ex in front of his Bible


sorry I found that funny :)


but yeah your blowing it out of context relax all us boys have pics of x girls and videos.

he is with you and that means something :)


The goo goo thing about Pray and jerking off. There's nothing wrong in that its normal for us boys to do that :) don't worrie

that's some pretty crazy stuff you wrote down there Poppystar LoL.
that's the problem with the world :)
)))(((dont listen to unbelievers for advice either((()))

Dude your insane? Man OK I'm not into the pray thing but you say stuff like that I jump on you back.
wow there are some really scary people on this earth



Regards

I have a question to ask.. How do you know when your boyfriend are really and truly into you or if he is just with you because he don't know how to leave you? I know someone who's boyfriend felt obliged to ask her to marry him, now they are not together anymore

In love, it is really important that each one knows each one completely. When one has understood much about her boy friend and if she finds any changes in him, as compared to the way he was earlier, then it is time to ask for "WHY"? And that just doesn't mean that he is changed and wants to change his girl friend all together. In such case it is better to speak out.
And if the boyfriend does really ignores your words and your feelings and is completely changed , then probably he is thinking of a change.
But What really happened with them?

Hey! Thanks for your reply. They were dating for about 1 and a half years, but they were living 2 hours from each other. Well, to me and everyone else they looked very happy. So this guy asked her to marry him. She said yes and the still went on with "long distance" relationship. Now every time we asked him when is the date he like dug the question.. So, I started wondering. After 2 months he broke up the engament, because he couldn't lie to himself anymore. He spoke to one of his male friends and told them he felt obliged to marry her, because they've together for a while, but he never really was in love with her.. That is what I don't understand, because that girl never knew he felt that way. How will you ever really know?

That's true... How would you know?. I guess you just got to trust the other person to be truthful & he/she is an then you're screwed... lol... but it really sucks thinking he/she loves you and then finding out they just felt "sorry" that's why they stayed!

You have to give up the need to know. The universe is unknowable. All you can do is your best. Things will work out in the end, but until then, every relationship you have WILL END for some reason. It's pure statistics.

You will like/love/date many men. Just make sure you are being honest about who you are the whole time. Be false for no man and for no feeling. Don't let "love" trick you into being false, changing who you are to serve it.

You can't stop bad things from happening, so take a deep breath and dive in anyway. Best to truly experience the life you lead.

And as for guys, just watch what they DO. That's the measure, never what they say, what they do day after day after day.

This is a question that I'm sure has crossed all of our minds... Damaged is right. You just have to trust, and pay attention to any signs that may make you question the integrity of the person, or signs that really make you say, Wow, this person is true to form.

Actions do speak louder than words..

Hi there everyone! As some of you may already know I am dating a guy that lives 2 hours away from me.. we see each other every weekend, but it's getting rough with the increasing petrol prices at the moment.. We have been dating for 8 months now and we are very happy! The only problem is I always question what he says, I always think maybe he has someone else there where he lives.. He is getting frustrated with me about that! I really try to bite my lip every time I want to distrust him and then just one day I blurt it all out.. What can I do to stop this.. He has never done anything to break my trust, but I still have the feeling that maybe he is doing something wrong and secretly.. I need serious advice! If you guys could please help me, I would really appreciate it!!

Without knowing your b/f, I can tell you that those feelings you have, are fairly common to people in LDR's, and caution you to not act on just feelings, without any facts to go on. Its mighty hard to bond, and grow together, or fight back feelings such as yours, when the person is not there to reassure you, or give comfort when you need it.

How long before the distance between you, can be permanently bridged?

Your insecurities are getting the best of you, maybe something happened in your past that you second guess everyone's words. You need to sort this out for yourself as there is nothing your boyfriend can do to put your concerns at rest. LDR are tough and do take quite the emotional toll on your relationship. Like Tal asked, how long until you can bridge the gap for good?

Thanks for the replies. Im busy studying at the moment. I need to finish my studies before moving there. He can't move to where I stay, becoz he is running their family business on that side. So it's a bit difficult. I presume it's more or less 2 years.

Two years?? That's a long time to deal with these insecurities you have, without him.


I really try to bite my lip every time I want to distrust him and then just one day I blurt it all out..

At the rate your going, you won't have ANY LIPS LEFT TO BITE! The counsel of an older wiser friend may help you vent some of those feelings, at least give you a face to face outlet, to save your lips.

How often, and for how long do you see each other, in person??

We see each other every Friday night till Sunday morning. We spend a lot of time doing nice things together on weekends.. It's so hard I wish sometimes that I could stop, but I struggle.. Sometimes I blame this on my ex, because he cheated on me after 3 years of dating and made the other woman pregnant..

Sorry, I meant every Friday night till Monday morning.

I recommend listening to the song by Usher called "His mistakes" as it is about not making him pay for someone else's mistakes. That's like being tried for a crime you didn't commit.

Sometimes I blame this on my ex, because he cheated on me after 3 years of dating and made the other woman pregnant..

So your still not over that yet, it seems after 3 years. Could you elaborate on what happened with that pregnancy?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2958727

I am so confused now.

I sometimes think he is the reason that I doubt my current boyfriend so much. Myself and him were dating for three years. It was a wonderful relationship, I never had this trusting problem. Up until one night he went out with his friends and a month later he found out that he was going to be a father with another girl. I then broke up with him.

I like a boy and he likes me but my friend is pushing herself on him. Should I fight for him or should I believe that his love for me is over temptation?

kamtee:
Relationships are tough, that is for sure!
I think your friend is not very nice by pushing herself on a boy that you like. She does know that you like him, right? If she does know, then she has broken a sacred trust held by all girlfriends -- don't date (or try to date) anyone that your friend is dating, or trying to date.
(Some add "boys that you dated in the past" to the list).

I'd let my friend know that she is breaking a sacred trust held by girlfriends all over the world.

As for the boy -- be yourself, be friendly, and realize that most guys hate it when girls are trying too hard. Good luck!

Please do not use chat speak it is against site rules:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.php?faq=vb_faq#faq_faq_rules (#2)

Does your friend know that you like this boy?
How long have you been dating this boy?
Did she like him before you became involved with him?

As for 'fighting' for him, if he likes you as much as you like him, then there shouldn't be a 'fight'. IF he doesn't make his feelings clear about who he wants to be with, walk away. You don't need the drama of trying to deal with a male who can't make up his mind and who gets his ego fed by having two females battle for his favor.

Are the two of you actually a couple? Or do you just like him and think he likes you? And did your friend start liking him at the same time you did.

Because if he is single and your friend liked him around the same time you started to try for him then she has done nothing wrong as you have no more claim over him than she does. There is nothing wrong with you both fighting for him but don't resent your friend if this guy chooses her over you.

However if you and this guy are a couple and she is trying to steal him from you then what she is doing is very wrong. You can fight for him if you like but if this a guy who will potentially leave or possibly cheat on you when another girl tries for him then he really isn't worth fighting for.

If you and this boy are already an item, and you're friend is trying to muscle in, then I would take her to one side and tell her back off whilst you are still able to walk. Straight. Or beef it up, be everything she isn't. If you're not with him yet, then time to bring in plan B, before the man eater (joke) gets to grips with him, put on your nicest smile and sexiest outfit, one to die for, and when you next see the boy, just go over to him and ask him out, don't mope around being shy, because I bet your g/f won't be. Then take it from there. The time has come for you to stake your claim.


Go for it. And good luck.