I have known that my boyfriend has/had a girlfriend in South Africa. I try to get him to talk about her but he never does (To me, that shows how deeply he loves her and how much he respects her). About a month ago, I was able to get him to reveal to me that he loves her and that he made a partial commitment to her before leaving south africa. He also speaks to her occasionally on the phone. Of course I have confronted him about this before and told him that he cannot have his cake and eat it too. It's not fair to me. He can't date two people at the same time, regardless of distance. Its not like he is making any effort to end things with her. On the contrary, he has NO intention of doing that. He told me to try and be understanding, after all he dated her for 5 years and that 5 years is a long time. He has a lot of history with her. For a while, I tried to be understanding and to turn a blind eye. But, It hurts too much because I love him and I know that he cares deeply about me, but he doesn't LOVE me. He loves another. Yesterday all hell broke loose when he made a slip of the tongue. As he was talking to me, he said "my girl's sister...." referring to his girlfriend in south africa. I got angry and walked out. What sort of an idiot tells his girl about his girl?? The fact that he referred to her as HIS GIRL and not his EX-GIRL shows how much he still cares for her. In his mind, she will ALWAYS be his girl. He apologized, but I was already too mad and too hurt. Then I asked him " If ur girl from south africa were to come here, would you leave me for her?" his reply was " I don't know, I will have to think about it". So, I told him he was a jerk, gave him all his gifts to me and told him to get out, it was over between the both of us. He went home, took all my gifts to him and returned them. As far as I am concerned, he answered my question. If his girlfriend in south africa were to come over, he would leave me for her in a heartbeat. I have spoken to other friends about it. Some have advised me to not worry. To give it another shot because I am here with him and she is in south africa. His feelings for me would grow. Other's said I was wrong to ask him that question about what he would do if his girl were to come over. They said I was being insecure.

My gut feeling tells me that I am just a temporary replacement for the girl in south africa. In his mind NOBODY compares to her and she is his number 1 girl. I think I want to MOVE ON with my life. I know my value and I don't want to be second place in any man's life. It's either you are 100% with me or nothing.
, what do u think??

I have known that my bf has/had a gf in South Africa. I try to get him to talk about her but he never does (To me, that shows how deeply he loves her and how much he respects her). About a month ago, I was able to get him to reveal to me that he loves her and that he made a partial committment to her before leaving south africa. He also speaks to her occassionally on the phone. Ofcourse I have confronted him about this before and told him that he cannot have his cake and eat it too. It's not fair to me. He can't date two people at the same time, regardless of distance. Its not like he is making any effort to end things with her. On the contrary, he has NO intention of doing that. He told me to try and be understanding, afterall he dated her for 5 years and that 5 years is a long time. He has a lot of history with her. For a while, I tried to be understanding and to turn a blind eye. But, It hurts too much because I love him and I know that he cares deeply about me, but he doesn't LOVE me. He loves another. Yesterday all hell broke loose when he made a slip of the tongue. As he was talking to me, he said "my girl's sister...." referring to his girlfriend in south africa. I got angry and walked out. What sort of an idiot tells his girl about his girl???? The fact that he referred to her as HIS GIRL and not his EX-GIRL shows how much he still cares for her. In his mind, she will ALWAYS be his girl. He apologized, but I was already too mad and too hurt. Then I asked him " If ur girl from south africa were to come here, would you leave me for her?" his reply was " I don't know, I will have to think about it". So, I told him he was a jerk, gave him all his gifts to me and told him to get out, it was over between the both of us. He went home, took all my gifts to him and returned them. As far as I am concerned, he answered my question. If his girlfriend in south africa were to come over, he would leave me for her in a heartbeat. I have spoken to other friends about it. Some have adviced me to not worry. To give it another shot because I am here with him and she is in south africa. His feelings for me would grow. Other's said I was wrong to ask him that question about wot he would do if his girl were to come over. They said I was being insecure.

My gut feeling tells me that I am just a temporary replacement for the girl in south africa. In his mind NOBODY compares to her and she is his number 1 girl. I think I want to MOVE ON with my life. I know my value and I dont want to be second place in any man's life. It's either you are 100% with me or nothing.
, wot do u think????
Just look on my post, what happened to me. The same damn thing. At least I found out by myself!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-should-understand-behaviour-106396.html

Hello.

If your gut is telling you something you better go with it. Im sure your right and even if he never did get with her you would always be looking over your shoulder to see if she was taking him back.

Good Luck
Dennis777

Thanks Guys. I appreciate the feedback.

I agree with DENNIS777... go with your gutt... exspecially if he does not know what he would do if she came here... I was with a guy for 15 years... lots of history but, I know I would not leave the guy I am seeing for him... Like you said... can't have his cake and eat it to... it is not fair to you... start shopping...