I haven't posted in awhile, here is a link to my original thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/gf-wants-slow-down-36653.html

To make a long story short, my ex-GF wanted to slow down. We remained in contact for a couple weeks by phone. My last two calls to her were not answered, and my voicemails were not returned. I made up my mind I was not going to try and contact her again. I never heard anything back from her.

It was really rough the for me the first couple of months, but things slowly got better. I kept myself busy with friends and started working out again.

After 8 months, I get an email from her at work. She said she keeps thinking about me and wanted to write and see how I was doing. She apologized for not contacting me and said she was going through a rough point in her life, but now things are better. She said that if I want to talk to call her, but she wouldn't blame me if I never wanted to speak to her again.

Should I respond? It would be nice to tactfully let her know what I think of her not returning my calls, or even having the decency to tell me it was over.

I was thinking of giving it at least a week or two before responding. Any suggestions?

It would be nice to tactfully let her know what I think of her not returning my calls, or even having the decency to tell me it was over.

Why? Really what good would it do except for maybe giving you a little satisfaction. Yeah, satisfaction is nice sometimes. But it doesn't get you any further.

Stay strong, keep with the no contact. That is what is best for you and you know it. Don't lower yourself to that kind of standard, you are better than that.

Hello.

If your wanting to contact her so you can tell her off DON'T, it isn't going to do but hurt you. If that's all the feelings you have for her then don't answer her.

If you want to be friends and see what happens from there then open the door.

Good Luck
Dennis777

She is probably done with her wild thang stuff, and wants to see where your at. As I see it you got over it nicely, and why go back? Move forward and just continue to leave her alone.

I get the whole not contact thing but it seems everyone is all about no contact till death. If you think you are capable of talking to her w/o having strong feelings come back up then I say contact her in a few days. The risk is, like Talaniman said, if she is just wanting to see where you're at while you hoping she wants to get back together then it could ruin your progress. I'll just say this... if it were me and I was completely over her, then I wouldn't feel the need to contact her. If you still want to know if there's a chance to get back together and that's what you want... then you'll always be questioning yourself if you don't contact her. Risk/reward situation.

Why? Really what good would it do except for maybe giving you a little satisfaction.

And it wouldn't even do that. What's going to happen is he can tell her off, and she won't reply because she doesn't want to confront his feelings, feels guilty herself, or just doesn't care (my money's on the third).

Then he'll start to wonder why she hasn't replied and he'll start emailing her, asking for confirmation and validation of his feelings, and she'll continue to ignore him. Who gets the lion's share of satisfaction then?

She might reply once, but that's where it would end (unless she really does want to get back together). In any case, you're better off just leaving her alone. As a bonus, she may become desperate and start to chase you. Then the ball's in your court.

And it wouldn't even do that. What's going to happen is he can tell her off, and she won't reply because she doesn't want to confront his feelings, feels guilty herself, or just doesn't care (my money's on the third).

I put my money on all three simultaneously.

Thanks to everyone for the feedback. I really wasn't planning on "telling her off", just stating how I felt about how she left things. You are right though, no matter how carefully I word it, she would take it as being told off.

So I am leaning toward not responding at all. One question though, does this lower me to her level? She was the one who cut off all communications to begin with, and now that she has contacted me after eight months I don't want to seem like I am playing the same game. If I do respond at all I will wait a few weeks.

Can't you see the confusion it cause when you get dumped and disappear, then get that call?? Do you need that?

You're so much better off by not calling back. It doesn't put you back on her level. She ignored you for 8 months! You forgot about her already... That's the message she should get. She lost out. You are good now and if you made it 8 months without her, then you know deep down you really don't need her. She did all she wanted and now she feels like contacting you? She says now that things are better? Things must be worse. But all in all... You are the person who moved on, who overcame the obstacle. You owe it to yourself to not go back. Not even in a friendship level. You Owe It To Yourself... You did it!! Now don't go back!

Thanks emopunk, your post hit home, and made me feel better about the situation. You are right, there is no reason for me to contact her.

Okay, so I stayed strong and did not respond to her email. Now last night she starts to text me asking how I am doing. Her last text was "I miss you". I have not responded to any of them.

Wow, is this confusing! Not a word from her in eight months, now she won't give up!

She says now that things are better? Things must be worse. "Emopunk" Well put.

Now what, all the other guys didn't want her and her baggage, Or is she playing with their minds also.

This girl is trouble. RLs should be easy. This is a stressful situation and she is broken. I would not call back.

Right now realize that you won the battle, she missed a great person. But my experience is that these needy insecure women will bang you down again once you submit. That's why she spent so long with the abusive ex, she needs to be treated like trash.

It really sucks, you are attracted to her and you want her but she's trouble and you have to walk. The hardest thing to do is to walk from someone you really dig, but realize in the long run she is not right for you.