My boyfriend and I split up and I am pregnant. He refuses to reconsile. He told me that he is going to fight to get full custody of our infant daughter when she is born. I don't want this to make it perfectly clear. My question is what are the chances of the courts to grant the father to be the primary care giver and what effect would this have on an infant? I am beside myself to think that I would not the baby with me, so I could check to see if she was breathing in the middle of the night. I have three other children that I have total custody of (meaning their father has nothing to do with them). I am a good mom and I always put the children's needs before my own. Men generally are not as nurturing as women, and he is no exception. I have read and studied that children often are more well rounded if they live with their single mother as opposed to a single father. I would like to know if him being the primary parent will have an adverse effect on the baby the same as older children. Please help, a very worried mommy

I'm no expert but I think you can relax. If you are a good mum and your other children are happy and healthy I see no reason for him to get custody.

First what state are in?

Second, the chances of him getting full custody are slim to none. He can make idle threats, they are great at that. But they usually lead no where. Unless he has good reason and can prove you unfit he is highly unlikely to get full custody. In fact, he is likely to get little custody of your daughter after birth on a count of she will be so little. There are some very liberal (meaning they like for both parents to have as equal time with the kids as possible) states out there, one of which I live in, California. We went through custody of my infant son (he was 5 months old) and my 1 1/2 yr old daughter and the father got very little custody. There was nothing to prove either of us unfit. The schedule increased every three months to a little more until my son was done breastfeeding and we are now on an every other weekend and a dinner (3 hour period) once a week. They are 2 and 3 1/2 yrs old now. My ex also went for sole custody, tried to "prove" me unfit but couldn't. This is our permanent schedule.

So try not to worry and don't let him threaten you. I would suggest a very good lawyer though. Custody battles are very messy and are compiled with complicated procedures and paperwork. It is not a do it yourself kind of thing!

P.S. unless he is on the birth certificate, signs an Affidavit of Paternity or gets a DNA he has no legal rights to your child and is not considered the legal father until a court order is issued.

Check out both of these posts for further info:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/children/worried-about-losing-baby-girl-93169.html#post418122
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/children/custody-battle-boyfriend-our-daughter-91285.html#post409325

Good luck!

I TOTALLY agree with all of these answers- you have nothing to worry about! My son and his girlfriend just split up and he said he was going to go for custody of the baby, and I told him to leave it alone- she is a very good mother, she takes very good care of my grandson, and the judge usually always awards the mother custody. PERIOD.