huno
Jun 22, 2007, 08:55 AM
Hey, all, I've got a story to tell but I'll try and make it short. It'll still be kind of long so I'll make it a little funny to break up the monotony. Also, I suggest you go to the fridge and grab a six-pack of (if you're legal, beer; if not, soda). If you really can't read it all, skip to the bottom for a very concise version.
[Open first can here]
Two months ago, I met this girl at the gym. There was definitely an instant attraction there, and so we started to become friends. At first we would talk to each other between sets, and soon after we started working out together. I got her number maybe 3 or 4 days after we met and soon we were talking on the phone every day, sometimes twice or three times daily. The chemistry was just there and, prior to her, I'd never met any girl with whom I'd gotten along so well.
Plus it didn't hurt that she is very attractive. She looks a lot like my first crush from high school... maybe that helps. :)
[Finish first can, open second]
We started seeing each other outside of the gym and hung out at her work, we'd go out for coffee, and I took her to the beach. We never have one of those quiet, awkward moments of silence--not once since I met her. It's always a great conversation. I have a lot of fun with her and I could tell she was having fun with me.
So, about two weeks into this I can tell that this is heading for more than friendship, as we started hanging out a lot more often and we'd talk about very personal things. Well, one evening she invited me out for coffee and so I met up with her at a Starbucks. We took our coffees and sat in her truck.
[Finished the second already? Man, you're fast... OK, start the third]
It was then that she revealed to me that she was separated from her husband and had a daughter. In that instant, I was disappointed; before then I wouldn't have imagined myself being with anyone with another man's kid, much less still legally married!
In that instant, I thought about where I am (26, single, healthy, fit, about to start a new job in a place 4 hours away, my whole life ahead of me; she's 27) and I figured two things: one, that I could probably meet someone else in my new city; and two, that I am (on paper, anyway) a very good catch and I could do better--that is, I could get into a relationship without having to deal with children and all that. Shallow, but I was trying to think logically there.
I also considered what my parents would think. I was certain my mom, being a devout Catholic, would be opposed to any relationship like this. Now, you may wonder why I care what my mom thinks: well, I am very close to my family and we are very tight-knit, especially my mom and I. And I'd like to get married soon, possibly before I turn 30, so I do have that on my mind. I could see that this would be difficult, what with my traditional family and all, so I decided it was best to just be friends.
[Holy crap you're already on the fourth? I didn't even tell you to start it yet... ]
We decided to remain friends and I even started to check out other girls. We were still spending a lot of time together at the gym, though. I met a few other girls but, like many before her, I could never really connect. It's hard, since I'm a mature guy and most girls around here are... well, just stupid. She's different; she is very responsible and a hard worker and has her head set on straight. Plus she doesn't go for the gang member, thuggish, loser types like most girls around here do.
I couldn't ignore the chemistry she and I have. Like I said, I'd never met a girl I liked so much. And she's just very beautiful. Plus she has these beautiful eyes. You should see them; they're honey-colored. It's like looking into caramel. Mmmmm... caramel.
[You already drank the fourth? Dude, you have a problem... ]
One day my mom asked me why I wasn't "with" her yet... I tried to avoid the conversation but I had to give up that she had a daughter. Surprisingly, my mom was okay with it! I was shocked, but at the same time gratified. Then it dawned on me that the hardest part was still to come: convincing her that I wanted to start a relationship.
I decided to just give it a go, no matter what happened. I started asking about her daughter, her husband, and all that. She loves her daughter, of course; she seems like a nice kid--she's 6, quiet, studious, good at basketball and very inquisitive. Kind of like how I was at that age... I was a bookworm, to be sure.
She also told me about her husband... I won't go into all the details but she married him to get away from her family. They all still live in the same city (her family, her husband and she), but she needed to get out of the house. She soon learned that she just wasn't in love with this guy and, 6 months into the pregnancy, she left him. Her parents wouldn't let her move back in so her husband agreed to let her live in one of the homes they had. By then it was clear to both of them that the marriage was meaningless.
So here she is: with a daughter, living in her husband's home. Her husband doesn't give her any money to help her with living expenses, but she is in his house and her parents won't take her back in. Apparently, she can't divorce the guy because he's threatening to kick her out of the house and take her kid, and she can't afford a lawyer. She's stuck, and so she explained to me she doesn't want to get close to anyone else. She's had suitors (which isn't surprising) but she's never let anyone get close to her.
[Hell, now I'm depressed... gimme that last--no? You're already drinking it? And you spit in it so I wouldn't take it? You need to call A.A.]
A few days ago, she asked for the day off from work and we both went to the beach. We sat down to watch the waves and I just couldn't help myself. I took her, laid her down on the sand, and kissed her--she didn't resist, and there before the blue waves washing on the white sands of the beach and a flock of seagulls that probably had no clue what the hell we were doing, we made out. Soon afterward she told me she loved me.
It was obvious to both of us that we wanted more than friendship. We can't deny the feelings we have for each other. I decided then and there I wanted to push for more than just a friendship... the feelings are there, the chemistry's there, the attraction's there--how can I give up on this?
So here I am. I called her just a moment ago to ask her to meet me later, because I wanted to talk about us. We did talk over the phone and she said she likes my friendship and doesn't want to lose it. I told her I wouldn't let that happen but she said I couldn't predict what would happen.
I asked her again to try and divorce her husband, because I don't want to start a relationship with her until she leaves him officially... but of course, money and circumstance don't permit this. Tonight, I will go and talk to her.
Okay, you've finished six cans of... whatever it is you had.
My questions to you:
Should I give up on this? I tell you that I've never met someone I liked so much, and in many respects I do love her. But there seem to be so many obstacles. Plus, I can't ask her to abandon her stability for a potential relationship with me. It's true she does want to leave her city because her family does her no favors and treats her like crap, but at the same time she is in a fairly comfortable situation, for as long as they are legally married her husband allows her to live in that home.
Plus she's accustomed to her city--she has two decently-paying jobs and many friends. If she were to come away with me, she'd be leaving all that and forcing her daughter to adapt to a new environment, and for what? I can't guarantee that we'll marry... I can only promise her a relationship. If we were to break up, she'd be in a very tight spot.
A long-distance relationship is unlikely to work... I've been there and it just doesn't work out. We could try this for a while but she is convinced I'll just meet someone else and she doesn't want to get into a long-distance type of thing... neither do I, really...
But there's no denying that we have something special. She's said she's never liked anyone as much as she's liked me, and I the same.
Okay, so I'm rambling (I'll admit, I've been drinking along with you so I've got six beers in my system, too). I hope you made it this far... What do you all think?
[In case that was too long for you, here's a synopsis: I met a girl and fell in love, more than with anyone else before her; she's smart, mature and looks killer in tight jeans. She has a daughter and a husband that she's separated from and she can't leave because she's living in his house and can't afford a lawyer or to move. We love each other and she'd like to be with me because she loves me and she hates her family and her husband, but she can't afford to divorce and move out and she doesn't want to risk her stability for a simple relationship, plus her daughter's probably not so hot on the idea of moving away. I can't promise her marriage, so it's risky for her to move away, plus she thinks I'll just meet someone else and forget about her. Do I pursue this or move on?].
[Open first can here]
Two months ago, I met this girl at the gym. There was definitely an instant attraction there, and so we started to become friends. At first we would talk to each other between sets, and soon after we started working out together. I got her number maybe 3 or 4 days after we met and soon we were talking on the phone every day, sometimes twice or three times daily. The chemistry was just there and, prior to her, I'd never met any girl with whom I'd gotten along so well.
Plus it didn't hurt that she is very attractive. She looks a lot like my first crush from high school... maybe that helps. :)
[Finish first can, open second]
We started seeing each other outside of the gym and hung out at her work, we'd go out for coffee, and I took her to the beach. We never have one of those quiet, awkward moments of silence--not once since I met her. It's always a great conversation. I have a lot of fun with her and I could tell she was having fun with me.
So, about two weeks into this I can tell that this is heading for more than friendship, as we started hanging out a lot more often and we'd talk about very personal things. Well, one evening she invited me out for coffee and so I met up with her at a Starbucks. We took our coffees and sat in her truck.
[Finished the second already? Man, you're fast... OK, start the third]
It was then that she revealed to me that she was separated from her husband and had a daughter. In that instant, I was disappointed; before then I wouldn't have imagined myself being with anyone with another man's kid, much less still legally married!
In that instant, I thought about where I am (26, single, healthy, fit, about to start a new job in a place 4 hours away, my whole life ahead of me; she's 27) and I figured two things: one, that I could probably meet someone else in my new city; and two, that I am (on paper, anyway) a very good catch and I could do better--that is, I could get into a relationship without having to deal with children and all that. Shallow, but I was trying to think logically there.
I also considered what my parents would think. I was certain my mom, being a devout Catholic, would be opposed to any relationship like this. Now, you may wonder why I care what my mom thinks: well, I am very close to my family and we are very tight-knit, especially my mom and I. And I'd like to get married soon, possibly before I turn 30, so I do have that on my mind. I could see that this would be difficult, what with my traditional family and all, so I decided it was best to just be friends.
[Holy crap you're already on the fourth? I didn't even tell you to start it yet... ]
We decided to remain friends and I even started to check out other girls. We were still spending a lot of time together at the gym, though. I met a few other girls but, like many before her, I could never really connect. It's hard, since I'm a mature guy and most girls around here are... well, just stupid. She's different; she is very responsible and a hard worker and has her head set on straight. Plus she doesn't go for the gang member, thuggish, loser types like most girls around here do.
I couldn't ignore the chemistry she and I have. Like I said, I'd never met a girl I liked so much. And she's just very beautiful. Plus she has these beautiful eyes. You should see them; they're honey-colored. It's like looking into caramel. Mmmmm... caramel.
[You already drank the fourth? Dude, you have a problem... ]
One day my mom asked me why I wasn't "with" her yet... I tried to avoid the conversation but I had to give up that she had a daughter. Surprisingly, my mom was okay with it! I was shocked, but at the same time gratified. Then it dawned on me that the hardest part was still to come: convincing her that I wanted to start a relationship.
I decided to just give it a go, no matter what happened. I started asking about her daughter, her husband, and all that. She loves her daughter, of course; she seems like a nice kid--she's 6, quiet, studious, good at basketball and very inquisitive. Kind of like how I was at that age... I was a bookworm, to be sure.
She also told me about her husband... I won't go into all the details but she married him to get away from her family. They all still live in the same city (her family, her husband and she), but she needed to get out of the house. She soon learned that she just wasn't in love with this guy and, 6 months into the pregnancy, she left him. Her parents wouldn't let her move back in so her husband agreed to let her live in one of the homes they had. By then it was clear to both of them that the marriage was meaningless.
So here she is: with a daughter, living in her husband's home. Her husband doesn't give her any money to help her with living expenses, but she is in his house and her parents won't take her back in. Apparently, she can't divorce the guy because he's threatening to kick her out of the house and take her kid, and she can't afford a lawyer. She's stuck, and so she explained to me she doesn't want to get close to anyone else. She's had suitors (which isn't surprising) but she's never let anyone get close to her.
[Hell, now I'm depressed... gimme that last--no? You're already drinking it? And you spit in it so I wouldn't take it? You need to call A.A.]
A few days ago, she asked for the day off from work and we both went to the beach. We sat down to watch the waves and I just couldn't help myself. I took her, laid her down on the sand, and kissed her--she didn't resist, and there before the blue waves washing on the white sands of the beach and a flock of seagulls that probably had no clue what the hell we were doing, we made out. Soon afterward she told me she loved me.
It was obvious to both of us that we wanted more than friendship. We can't deny the feelings we have for each other. I decided then and there I wanted to push for more than just a friendship... the feelings are there, the chemistry's there, the attraction's there--how can I give up on this?
So here I am. I called her just a moment ago to ask her to meet me later, because I wanted to talk about us. We did talk over the phone and she said she likes my friendship and doesn't want to lose it. I told her I wouldn't let that happen but she said I couldn't predict what would happen.
I asked her again to try and divorce her husband, because I don't want to start a relationship with her until she leaves him officially... but of course, money and circumstance don't permit this. Tonight, I will go and talk to her.
Okay, you've finished six cans of... whatever it is you had.
My questions to you:
Should I give up on this? I tell you that I've never met someone I liked so much, and in many respects I do love her. But there seem to be so many obstacles. Plus, I can't ask her to abandon her stability for a potential relationship with me. It's true she does want to leave her city because her family does her no favors and treats her like crap, but at the same time she is in a fairly comfortable situation, for as long as they are legally married her husband allows her to live in that home.
Plus she's accustomed to her city--she has two decently-paying jobs and many friends. If she were to come away with me, she'd be leaving all that and forcing her daughter to adapt to a new environment, and for what? I can't guarantee that we'll marry... I can only promise her a relationship. If we were to break up, she'd be in a very tight spot.
A long-distance relationship is unlikely to work... I've been there and it just doesn't work out. We could try this for a while but she is convinced I'll just meet someone else and she doesn't want to get into a long-distance type of thing... neither do I, really...
But there's no denying that we have something special. She's said she's never liked anyone as much as she's liked me, and I the same.
Okay, so I'm rambling (I'll admit, I've been drinking along with you so I've got six beers in my system, too). I hope you made it this far... What do you all think?
[In case that was too long for you, here's a synopsis: I met a girl and fell in love, more than with anyone else before her; she's smart, mature and looks killer in tight jeans. She has a daughter and a husband that she's separated from and she can't leave because she's living in his house and can't afford a lawyer or to move. We love each other and she'd like to be with me because she loves me and she hates her family and her husband, but she can't afford to divorce and move out and she doesn't want to risk her stability for a simple relationship, plus her daughter's probably not so hot on the idea of moving away. I can't promise her marriage, so it's risky for her to move away, plus she thinks I'll just meet someone else and forget about her. Do I pursue this or move on?].