Hi,
I`ve been married for 15 yrs.My husband is a very loving and caring guy but we always seem to fight over very small issues then few months back I found out that he had a girl in his hotel room(he is in sales and marketing) and very often travels and when I asked him initially he denied but being married for so long and knowing his body language and all he confessed later that she just came to his room and they were talking he just met her at the reception of the hotel and he didn't do anything wrong and later she left the room.I went into severe depression and was sick for more than a mth due to low BP but later I told him lets forget it and move on.Within period of 4 months I saw on his mobile a no from where he got several missed calls and many calls were made to that no and again after confronting him initially he again denied but later he said that they are just friends and talk on ph nothing serious.. again I gave him chance.. He is 2 much into porno also.twice I found pages of porno magazines with nude females in his trouser`s pocket many a times I saw that he has visited few porno sites and I was shocked at the kind of females he wanted to c in those sites and what stories he was reading again after confronting him he said somebody gave him those pages.. I`voe even told him to bring porno movies home and let him watch those with me and I'm ready to do whatever he wants to do while having sex he didn't pay any attention to it.. Now 2 days back I went to his office for some work that he wanted me to do from his office PC and I saw that he has been again going to porno sites and he has even saved them on his PC.He has read stories about a father having sex with his daughter in law, group sex,wife swapping and all that stuff.it has disturbed me so much that I honestly now didn't know what to do.I feel even if you are in to porno and if uria reading stories about a father having sex with daughterin law then what kind of mentality my husband has.. I know it's a very serious question that has come to my mind but I'm just fed up and I'm thinking of separation from his for a while.. we have a 12yrs old daughter and 8yrs old son.. Im just a graduate housewife.. if I take separation what will id o in future it does worries me but I'm really sick and tired and its taking its toll on my health.. help me out and suggest what should I do.

Anytime something like this happens in a marriage. Counseling for you is important. Also counseling for him. Suggest to him that you would like to go to marriage counseling together. If he refuses that tells me and you that he himself does not want to work to save the marriage. If you go to counseling it will give you ways to deal with the things you have been facing lately.

I also want to add, that many men have addictions to porn. Does not necessarily mean he is cheating, does not mean that he loves you any less. There are many people who get addicted and need help getting away from things like that but in no way does that mean he is cheating on you.

As far as the women in the motel and phone numbers and people calling. Him not wanting to say anything at first but then tells you. That is showing you that you can not trust him.

I would say try the counseling first. 15 years is a long time and it sounds like the communication in the marriage and honesty has taking a nose dive.

Marriage counseling or even you trying counseling yourself is the last resort to possibly save a marriage. If this does not help open up the lines of communication and get down to the different issues in your marriage then you will need to make a decision on what is best for you and your children.

Staying in a unhappy marriage is not good for the children. So if the marriage can be saved, try to work on it if you can, if he does not even try. Then you have your answer and you know what to do next.

It will not be easy but I hope that your whole family gets the help and open up the communication and just maybe things can be worked out.

Joe