I apologize ahead of time for the lenghtly explanation, but it needs to be told. I am 28 years old right now and my husband is 39. When we met, he was a little overweight, a smoker and often smoked pot. I didn't have a problem with the weight because I am a chubby-chaser, no problem with the smoking because my whole family smokes, however, I never did. I didn't have a problem pot because I fiddled with it myself. My husband describes himself as an introvert that over-compensates. He's always been a very different person in front of others than he is in front of me. We have been together for four years as of this November and we got married September 2006. In March 2006, I received a life saving liver transplant where my husband was extremely supportive and took very good care of me. After the transplant, Dave had changed so much as did I that I don't think we are compatible anymore. He is extremely negative, bitter, and depressed. He says some aweful things like "I was better before you" and "I guess my expectations of you were too high". He treats me like he is my guardian rather than my husband. He "lets" me do things and so I am now obligated, or should be thankful. For example, I got a tattoo to commorate my transplant... it was almost a marriage breaker! What for? It doesn't have to be that major. He won't "let" me put my belly button ring back in since my transplant either. He is ready to settle down and retire where I am just developing myself as a person and a woman. Since the transplant, I have realized that I don't need to settle and that I need to live life to the fullest every day. I can't do that right now. My husband is basically dragging me down.
We had always said that there would be my life, his life and then our life. Well, we don't have an "OUR" life. It consists of staying at home and watching tV. I've tried to get him involved in my life and new things, but he is not interested.
He doesn't clean himself up anymore. I have to ask him to shave. He gets his hair cut everyonce in a while. He sits on the couch all day, sitting in his underwear and doing nothing other than watch TV and smoke Pot. I am not happy by any means and it seems that I am fighting to get others to understand.
I know that I am married now and I have to work at it. But I am so tired of trying for the past year that I don't want to try anymore. To top it all off, I find out from his friend that he has a cocaine addiction and he's been hiding it from me. That is not something I want to deal with at all.
I have made the decision to move out of the house. Only a trial separation. This is to give him the opportunity to fix his issues and get my head and my thoughts straight. I figure that I spend so much time making sure that everyone else is happy that by the time that I find out that I am not, it is too late.
What do I do? I don't have the heart to work at it and I don't want to go through another year with the expectation that it will fail. I am also afraid that I am falling for someone else. Someone more compatible with me and someone that I can share all aspects of my life with.

A separation sounds like a good decision, but ending in the arms of another while your issues are unsolved is a big mistake in my opinion. If your husband is into pot and cocaine, then this is his devil to deal with and your doing right to not enable him by just passively doing nothing, so leaving him is a good move. See a lawyer and get your affairs (financial) in order, that you have a life without him, in case he doesn't deal with his problem. You must not let him drag you down with his problems. Don't settle for less than his abstinence from drugs and you don't have to take his word at all, but do watch his actions closely. Good luck, whether you choose to stay or go.

It sounds like you changed, not just your husband. Maybe the liver transplant opened your eyes to the things that were there, but went unnoticed.

The trial separation is a great idea. As Tal stated, get a lawyer and start working on protecting what assets you have.

We would all like to think that we can put extra-special amounts of effort into our relationships when it is required and it will magically transform it from an unhappy to happy existence, but in reality, some relationships simply aren't meant to last - as sounds like the case in this instance.

The drug use, sadly, was evident at the beginning of the relationship - you married him knowing that he used drugs, and though it has progressed beyond what it once was, drugs are addictive, and an addiction without intervention only grows stronger. If you accepted it to start with then it is hard to now turn around and use it as part of the reason for the relationship failing. Lesson learnt I am sure - and that's just the point I am trying to make - some relationships are meant only to teach us lessons to help us grow and develop and find ourselves. Should you take the time to reflect upon the relationship and understand what was good, what was not so good, then your next relationship will hopefully be stronger and healthier than the last.

As for 'falling for someone else' - as lovely as that is, remember to give yourself time to reflect upon this current situation - complete the lesson first before committing to another otherwise you may carry over traits and issues that you need to rid yourself of (or at least be fully aware they exist in order to control and / or change them) first, and this will impact negatively on the new relationship.

In a nut shell, I wouldn't stay - life is short and we are meant to live it being happy - but just remember to learn something from your mistakes, if you do this, you never really make a mistake but rather learn a lesson - which is probably why they say you get wiser with age!

Good luck =)