my 12 year old step-daughter won't sleep in her own room. I don't sleep in the same room as my husband due to his snoring. She's 5'8, a B cup bra, wears tight boy shorts and a v neck tight string tank to bed spraying body spray all over before going to sleep. My four year old son sleeps in the room sometimes as well however not every time. I've asked my husband to please have a talk with her as this is not normal and is actually unhealthy. He tells me I'm over reacting that she's still a little girl and I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is. She wraps her arms around him and lays her head on his chest, she spoons him when laying down with her leg over him, she sits next to him with a skirt on and her legs draped over his and recently began calling him "daddy" instead of dad... now the latest, she gives him for fathers day a 9x12 framed photo of her in a string bikini on the beach wearing a padded bikini top, people say it's because he has one of me on his desk in a bikini, uh where's the school or sport pictures?

... I'm just sick at the whole thing and my husbands lackadaisical approach. I am near divorce with all this, since it's just so creepy. He tells me not to blame her for what her mother has taught her to be (I don't, but he's not helping) her mom is the town tramp and dresses very [trashy] too, but c'mon this is his daughter already. He tells her to go in her room, but when she doesn't, he doesn't pursue it. People have made comments as to her behavior and more so this is why I've brought it to his attention since he is in the public eye often, somebody is going to say the wrong thing one day and he's not going to like it. Am I being ridiculous? Please help.

:confused: I am so sorry you are currently in this predicament. I know in today's overly sanitised society people tend to jump to conclusions but this does sound very unnatural and unhealthy to me. Whether your husband is aware or not there is a element of sexuality to this relationship, your husband may engage in this seeing only his innocent little girl but it is not innocent, this is harmful. I would recommend you have your husband watch Lolita, which is a true story and demonstrates very clearly how a young girl can manipulate an older man with her sexuality and whilst I am not nieve to sexual abuse nor am I nieve to the ability of us damaged females to use our sexuality to gain love or power, even if it is only in our minds. My concern is why is this girl so damaged already that she behaves in this manner what has or is going on? It is your moral and ethical responsibility to have her see a doctor and investigate this further. Wishing you all the best and my thoughts are with you.

Thank you Mishca... His daughter never wanted the mom and dad to divorce as with most... He's pretty verbally abusive going nutz on the x-wife, me (of 7 years) and he's gone nuts on his daughter plenty of times however she still just cuddles up to him, almost as if she's attracted to the "bad" guy act. She likes me, but I believe she feels threatened and tries to dress like me or in some cases, sexier than me. The mother is extremely manipulative and I feel she's learning from her in how to get the "males" attention. What's creepy is she isn't deciphering between some male off the street (which is bad enough) vs. it being her father.

I've spoke with many people who feel this needs to be stopped, yet my husband screams stating that this little girl has a mother that leaves for days on trips with her boyfriend/fiance du jour so she only has [male] dad to turn to. She's extremely close with grandma and her aunties, but they of course are not the male figure she's seeking. I still think it's sick since he should, as a father tell her it's just not healthy to be the way she is with him. I'm not thinking anything is going on, I just think he as a father needs to understand that this is not normal or healthy as to how she's behaving.

I see several issues here. First you might remind him that CHIld Protective services could become involved if this info gets out. It is not normal. He may see her as a little girl but she is not acting like a little girl. He needs to see it for what it is. If she is is acting this way with her dad I have to wonder how she is with boys her own age. It sounds as if she has been taught the wrong ways to get love and attention from males. SHe may need to talk with a therapist about how to have healthy relationships with males. She may be heading down a very scary road.

Someone is abusing that child, maybe not the dad, maybe the mom's boyfriends but somebody. You are in a terrible situation. Get counseling by yourself, This man has real issues with women. He screams at the ex, you and the little 12 year old and cuddles her! How does he treat the 4 year old? What a sad situation I am at a loss for words. Good Luck

Thank you again for all this info... I really need for dad to see this to shed some light on the situation, he thinks my family and friends and others mentioning her behavior have an ax to grind with he and his daughter when in reality it's only a matter of pointing out how unhealthy and unnatural what she's doing... her mom is a very manipulative woman using her body (huge breast job) and all the rest to go with it to attract men. The daughter evidently feels this is the correct way to attract the male species. I have a 16-year-old boy who's even said, my God mom; she's being pretty flirtatious. He's the one who should have the raging hormones and I've never once had to say something to him.

As creepy as it sounds, I feel I need to watch her around my 4 year old as well, which is a sick feeling, but it is what it is. I've brought this up to my husband in the past and just lately it's really become a problem. He and I are not talking because he thinks I'm taking out on the daughter what the mom has taught her, which is so untrue; I'm only pointing out what is just not normal. The framed pic is what really sent me over the edge but he brushed it off and said, “you act as if I called and asked for a pic of her in a bikini, what is your problem”. I really have a mess here and I hope that my husband will agree to talk with a professional telling him how unnatural this is. Thanks again for all your kind responses.

my 12 year old step-daughter won't sleep in her own room. I don't sleep in the same room as my husband due to his snoring. She's 5'8, a B cup bra, wears tight boy shorts and a v neck tight string tank to bed spraying body spray all over before going to sleep. My four year old son sleeps in the room sometimes as well however not every time. I've asked my husband to please have a talk with her as this is not normal and is actually unhealthy. He tells me I'm over reacting that she's still a little girl and I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is. She wraps her arms around him and lays her head on his chest, she spoons him when laying down with her leg over him, she sits next to him with a skirt on and her legs draped over his and recently began calling him "daddy" instead of dad ...now the latest, she gives him for fathers day a 9x12 framed photo of her in a string bikini on the beach wearing a padded bikini top, people say it's because he has one of me on his desk in a bikini, uh where's the school or sport pictures?

...I'm just sick at the whole thing and my husbands lackadaisical approach. I am near divorce with all this, since it's just so creepy. He tells me not to blame her for what her mother has taught her to be (I don't, but he's not helping) her mom is the town tramp and dresses very [trashy] too, but c'mon this is his daughter already. He tells her to go in her room, but when she doesn't, he doesn't pursue it. People have made comments as to her behavior and more so this is why I've brought it to his attention since he is in the public eye often, somebody is going to say the wrong thing one day and he's not going to like it. Am I being ridiculous? Please help.
I find it very odd. Not to sound disgusting but the daughter may have some sick twisted attraction to her father. Maybe it would help if you started sleeping in the room with your husband and try to bear the snoring and start telling this little preteen that she needs to grow up and start sleeping in her own bed like other girls of her age. And if it pursues further then I do not think it would be horrible if you did divorce your husband. This girl sounds kind of sadistic towards her father and that is just disgusting.

Hello.

Sending you a great Big Hug... Your husband has more problems then your step daughter does for letting her play this game. At the least he is enjoying her attention and at the worst he is asking for it. I know in California he would be held accountable for his actions if the authorities where called.

Lets Look at what you need to do now. If he can't understand why this is hurting you then he needs help and if he will not get help then you need to look at what will happen when your child gets older. I never like to say get out before its to late but in this case I see real problem long term. Not just with his daughter but with his lack of action when you ask him to change his life style when it comes to his daughter. I would bet he does as he wants in many other areas of his life also.

Good Luck
Dennis777

Thanks so much... you guys are really shedding the light I needed on this subject... thank you thank you.

Beachgurl... I thought the same thing. I even brought it up that "your daughter acts as if she's attracted to you or something with always acting like she's soooo into your [adult] conversations about nothing at all" He says, well for your information, some people enjoy listening to me... okay, always on the defensive.

Thanks so much ... you guys are really shedding the light I needed on this subject ... thank you thank you.
You need to sit down and be honest with yourself, Sit back and think about how he makes you feel, how does he treat the 4 year old and your 16 year old... I am assuming from a previous relationship. He has a pic of u in a bikni on his desk at work? I'm sorry but I find that kind of teenagerish. Honey you really need to take a cold hard look at this situation. You can't do anything about the ex wife but the $hit that is going on with step daughter is uncalled for. I would bet my paycheck that someone is having sexual contact with this girl. There are to many signs. This is sick do not continue to expose your four year old to this. Remember this 12 year old girl is not the enemy, she is a victim as well. Please get yourself and those kids some help. Good luck

Hello? Get real! The problem here is not an overly or inappropriate sexual relationship between daughter and father! It is JEALOUSY! Jealousy on the OP's part (who I may remind you all is the ADULT) and a teen girl who desperately craves her dad's attention. Goofy, you gave yourself that name for good reason... you are acting on the impulses of a child... just like the ones you claim are so wrong. She is a KID. She will vie for dad's attention, and if you don't find a way to help her through this phase and build a relationship with her outside of dad, you will lose him, because his daughter is going nowhere. You sound insecure and unable to understand the view of a young girl who feels her dad is turning his attention away from her for you. My advice is GROW UP. After all, you pride yourself on being the adult, so act like it. Learn some compassion and try to look at this crappy life a 12 year old has been dealt from her point of view before you go labeling things sick, wrong, or inappropriate.

Who the hell said she was sexually abused bushg?? Are you psychic? Because the OP's description is in no way definitive of sexual abuse!! It only indicates a young girl being angry that her dad is giving time and attention to some one else. And she is trying to gain it back the same way she SEES it being taken! You are ASSUMING something that is not true or proven! THESE ARE NOT THE SIGNS OF A SEXUALLY ABUSED CHILD, no matter how many times you throw a red dot out!! You clearly have no education in areas of abuse, so please don't lecture me!

Vlee ... FYI... I haven't a jealous bone in my body and those who know me are fully aware of this. I have friends that are beautiful models and I have no problem with them around my husband... the mere fact that this 12 year old is being taught to act inappropriately is the problem. The mother has the head of a 60 year old on a 38 year old body, (I knew her previously... everyone does) she doesn't bother me one bit and for the record... I am very comfortable with who I am... it is what the daughter is doing with and around the father... hopefully you can read what was posted and understand this a little more before jumping to conclusions. Bottom line is, my husband craves the approval of his children since he doesn't like the adults telling him it's wrong; this is at 50 years old, I find this rather odd and that Vlee is why I came on board to ask others opinions.

I have plenty of education on sexual abuse! EXPERIENCE! She has signs and someone needs to get her help!!

[QUOTE=bushg]You need to sit down and be honest with yourself, Sit back and think about how he makes you feel, how does he treat the 4 year old and your 16 year old... I am assuming from a previous relationship. He has a pic of u in a bikni on his desk at work? I'm sorry but I find that kind of teenagerish.



The pic of me is on his desk in our home... it's in his home office... I think the daughter has seen (or heard) her mother with other men and maybe wants to explore, however I don't think it should be with her father for crying out loud. And we have heard she chases the boys at her school too... boy this is so messed up. I've threatened to leave several times and he'll buy me flowers, make me dinner, run my bath, have his friends talk me out of it... so he isn't trying to get me to leave. My boys are what matters most and from what a counselor said on another site, help is needed fast with this situation just being so unhealthy. Thanks for your time on all this Bushg.

Going... you are a grown woman, You need to stand up for those kids. If you choose to take him screaming at you well so be it, but those kids deserve better, I am not saying that he is abusing his daughter but It sure looks like someone is . I have known many victims of abuse and she has some of the classic signs. Call a hotline and talk to sexual abuse counselors and see what they think about her behavior. But do something to help out the children in your family.

going... you are a grown woman, You need to stand up for those kids. If you choose to take him screaming at you well so be it, but those kids deserve better, I am not saying that he is abusing his daughter but It sure looks like someone is . I have known many victims of abuse and she has some of the classic signs. call a hotline and talk to sexual abuse counselors and see what they think about her behavior. But do something to help out the children in your family.


You are a dear... no, I do not care to be screamed at, this is one of the issues I hate most. I honestly don't believe anything is going on with he and the daughter, it's just her behavior around him that's so creepy. It's when I said something about the pic he received that this whole thing finally blew up. He and I have different backgrounds and he thinks I'm being overly cautious and need to just calm down. From the looks of this site and others I don't think I'm too far off the beaten path here in thinking this just isn't healthy. Thanks Bushg

First you might remind him that CHIld Protective services could become involved if this info gets out.

Can this really get a parent in trouble? My parents divorced when I was 11 and from then to about the time I was 13, I slept with both my parents, depending on who's house I was at. There divorce completely shattered everything I had known, and I needed comfort. I understand this girl seems more extreme than my situation though. I personally think she is just jealous of the step mom. She doesn't want another woman stealing her daddy's attention. I would definitely try to get her some help though.

Can this really get a parent in trouble? My parents divorced when I was 11 and from then to about the time I was 13, I slept with both my parents, depending on who's house I was at. There divorce completely shattered everything I had known, and I needed comfort. I understand this girl seems more extreme than my situation though. I personally think she is just jealous of the step mom. She doesn't want another woman stealing her daddy's attention. I would definitely try to get her some help though.



Oddly enough, the mother has sent her to seek counseling for what she stated, "she's having difficulty with the divorce" fact is, they divorced when she was only 13 months old, so obviously she has issues with other things, but the father does not believe in therapist, he thinks if you can't work them out at home then you have real problems... and yes we have a problem here. Hopefully I can convince him to at least sit down with someone to discuss the real issues here. Thanks again guys.

Can this really get a parent in trouble? My parents divorced when I was 11 and from then to about the time I was 13, I slept with both my parents, depending on who's house I was at. There divorce completely shattered everything I had known, and I needed comfort. I understand this girl seems more extreme than my situation though. I personally think she is just jealous of the step mom. She doesn't want another woman stealing her daddy's attention. I would definitely try to get her some help though.
I see nothing wrong with parents sleeping in the same bed with their children. But is does tend to make them insecure if it happens to often. This little girl is exhibiting inappropriate behavior, and her father does not seem to be concerned. I truly believe if the authorties were told this exact story and came into the house while father and daughter were in bed as step mom describes, they would remove the child from the home.

I truly believe if the authorties were told this exact story and came into the house while father and daughter were in bed as step mom describes, they would remove the child from the home.

Bushg... those exact words came from a friend of mine too... I was told to take a picture of them sleeping and show it to dad as to how it looks but thought that was being a little out of line.

Children don't sleep with their parents --- The temptation is there in this case.
He may not be doing anything wrong --- But what he is doing is not right...
Many daughters have been USED by adult males... Many sons have been USED by adult females... Adults who USE children are sickos, kids will think its normal--- living in a fantasy world --- the daughter is competing for the wife's job...
Molesters will drag society down to their level, not setting very good examples!!

oddly enough, the mother has sent her to seek counseling for what she stated, "she's having difficulty with the divorce" fact is, they divorced when she was only 13 months old, so obviously she has issues with other things, but the father does not believe in therapist, he thinks if you can't work them out at home then you have real problems.... and yes we have a problem here. hopefully I can convince him to at least sit down with someone to discuss the real issues here. Thanks again guys.
The mother is trying to escape responsibilities of what she has helped create, by blaming it totally on a divorce. The dad is probably from the background of *keep your mouth shut what goes on in this family is our business*! And he does not like his private life discussed, (unless he is the one discussing it, that way he can make it look the way he wants it to) That way he stays in control. Just like his screaming controls you all. He is also in control when he gives you flowers, baths and nice dinner, enlist his friends help to keep you there. Abusive men give into their women just enough to keep them hanging on and then they revert back to the old ways very quickly, when they know you are not leaving. You need to wise up to the ways of abusive people. Read, talk and listen and you will learn. You will see what I mean someday, that is if your not in denial, and already know. :)

All right... this girl has a mother who acts like a tramp. And a dad who sees nothing wrong with her sleeping with him. Your family needs professional help, and needs it fast. I think that, no matter how much you deny it, your husband is getting _something_ out of this bizarre relationship with his daughter. How long have you been married to this man? It is possible that he has been sexually abusing his daughter before you were in the picture, and doesn't see any reason to stop. In fact, you could be "window dressing" to deflect attention, although I would expect him to be more discrete in that case.

So you need to make a decision. Do you want to stay married to this man? And when you consider that, keep in mind that you have NO power to make him change. And therefore, assume that he is going to continue with his behavior exactly like it is. Are you willing to stay conditionally? Something like "if we get counseling, I'll delay my decision for 6 months and see what happens." Or is it time to leave, if only to keep your own standards of morality? If you do decide to leave, I'd consider taking some pictures beforehand and tipping off Child Protective Services, because that girl deserves a better life than the ones her parents seem willing to give her.

The mother is trying to escape responsibilites of what she has helped create, by blaming it totally on a divorce. The dad is probably from the background of *keep your mouth shut what goes on in this family is our business*! and he does not like his private life discussed, (unless he is the one discussing it, that way he can make it look the way he wants it to) That way he stays in control. Just like his screaming controls you all. He is also in control when he gives you flowers, baths and nice dinner, enlist his friends help to keep you there. Abusive men give into their women just enough to keep them hanging on and then they revert back to the old ways very quickly, when they know you are not leaving. You need to wise up to the ways of abusive people. Read, talk and listen and you will learn. You will see what I mean someday, that is if your not in denial, and already know. :)

You have a valid true point here Bushg... my husband always wants to look like he is Mr. wonderful and hasn't any problems and I hate to say it but he's a charmer in public but a screamer at home. In any event, this is what baffles me about the 12 year old, why would one be so "attracted" to a man that screams at you at such a young age... I'd be running for the hills at that age. (my grandfather was/is my father figure growing up and never once raised his voice) It's bad enough at my age to be screamed at, but as an adult you've already figured out ways of tuning one out or walking the other way, most young ones will cry or I would think not want to come around him... It's so odd cause she and I get along fine, but when the dad is around she clings herself to him. I'm making some calls today and getting professional help on this matter... it's just way out of control.


All right... this girl has a mother who acts like a tramp. And a dad who sees nothing wrong with her sleeping with him. Your family needs professional help, and needs it fast. I think that, no matter how much you deny it, your husband is getting _something_ out of this bizzare relationship with his daughter. How long have you been married to this man? It is possible that he has been sexually abusing his daughter before you were in the picture, and doesn't see any reason to stop. In fact, you could be "window dressing" to deflect attention, although I would expect him to be more discrete in that case.



Froggy thanks for your input, I don't believe there is anything going on with he and the daughter, really; I'm not completely naïve to what goes on in my home, it's the inappropriate behavior coming from the daughter that mystifies me that was why I'm writing asking for answers on the topic of her always wanting to sleep in her fathers room and always clinging to him, inappropriately and he not wanting to address it the way it should be addressed or at least talk about it the way it should be talked about. (married 6 yrs) It's kind of embarrassing for me when family or friends come over asking "why is she dressed that way and why is she trying to hang all over her father like that" He'll push her away some days and say, "ok, enough ****go sit down", but most times it's his little girl and "she doesn't get any attention from her mother". She's a very spoiled 12 year old to boot, only wanting Hollister and Abercrombe or it just won't be worn. (the gram buys her all that daily along with the frequent trips) Again as I stated in a previous post, I'm making some calls today.

You know I really just think it sick. And I feel horrible for you, I really don't know how you have stuck it out this long. I would try to get them to talk to a counsler. It's just not normal behavior. I'm sure you love your husband very much and you want your marriage to work and you have been very strong through out this whole time but sometimes enough is enough.

You know I really just think it sick. And I feel horrible for you, I really don't know how you have stuck it out this long. I would try to get them to talk to a counsler. It's just not normal behavior. I'm sure you love your husband very much and you want your marraige to work and you have been very strong through out this whole time but sometimes enough is enough.

Thanks beach... at this point, I'm not sure I truly love my husband anymore... so many things are just not good and that's why I need to call someone today... thanks so much for your time

Wow, I didn't really read everything word for word, but I definitely think you have a serious issue on your hands Goofy. Let me know if I step out of line here, but it sounds like both you and the ex wife are 'lookers' so to say and have the bodies to flaunt. Now I don't mean that as an insult in any way, so please don't take it that way, but from the descriptions of yourself and the ex, this man has a taste for women who look good... am I correct?

So this has me thinking that this is why this girl is dressing this way- because she sees this is how to get a mans attention, and it especially works on dad. It does disturb me that she has this mentality, but if her mother was as starved for attention, then she must have learned it from her- plus her dad encourages it by accepting her into his bed.

I don't get the feeling there is anything sexual here, but all the same it is not appropriate. The father seems to want to protect her- I am thinking he may feel bad about what she has been through, divorce and whatever else has happened in between. He may also feel threatened by your views- this is his daughter and as much as you are his new wife, he doesn't want to share the parenting of her... I am not sure this is just some of the impression I have. Have you tried a different approach? Have you tried sleeping with him instead so that she will not be in there? I know my uncle snores horribly and my aunt can't sleep in the same room... but maybe you could start in there so she will sleep in her own bed?

Are you able to talk to him and have a calm discussion about the whole situation without him getting defensive? Maybe you can ask him to sit down with his daughter, or maybe even the 3 of you and just figure out what she may be thinking...

I just know that at 12 is such a sensitive age- she is trying to identify herself as a person and feel out where she fits in... I just remember being awkward and I actually had a strong attachment to my stepfather at that time (though I certainly did not sleep with him). My thing was that I wanted to watch TV and I would give him back rubs all the time... just to be with him. My mother was not around at the time, so I was seeking attention where I could get it... but I know there was nothing perverse about the situation.

I don't think there is anything perverse as far as the father goes. I think the daughter is very confused and identifying men as a way to get what she wants. Maybe you can find something online about teenage girls and their sexuality, and talk to her dad in a way that he won't think you are trying to attack his parenting, but that you don't want her to be confused. Ensure him you think he is a good dad, but she is at the age when things need to change, and he is the only one who can guide her to be a stronger and wiser woman...

These are just some thoughts off the top of my head. I hope everything comes out okay. I would hate to see a marriage end over all this. This girl needs some help either way- she is going to become obsessed with getting attention from men... and well the average girl does that already too much... she may be overboard.

Best Wishes!

wow, this man has a taste for women who look good...am I correct?
So this has me thinking that this is why this girl is dressing this way- because she sees this is how to get a mans attention, and it especially works on dad. It does disturb me that she has this mentality, ...
Are you able to talk to him and have a calm discussion about the whole situation without him getting defensive? Maybe you can ask him to sit down with his daughter, or maybe even the 3 of you and just figure out what she may be thinking...
...I dont think there is anything perverse as far as the father goes. I think the daughter is very confused and identifying men as a way to get what she wants...
...This girl needs some help either way- she is going to become obsessed with getting attention from men...and well the average girl does that already too much... she may be overboard.

Best Wishes!


How enlightening to hear a different viewpoint s2tp... You hit on a lot of important points that make sense and I truly appreciate your input on this matter... and in answer to your questions,

1. I've tried to have a calm discussion with my husband, however he becomes enraged at the very beginning [of any conversation it seems] He doesn't handle confrontation well.

2, he is very protective of his daughter, however he won't pick her up for a month if she and the mother gang up on him... it's his way of punishing her... stupid and infantile, I know. I asked that we try and get full custody but he said daughters should be with their mothers …uh not in that environment.

3, I realize I have a rather juvenile husband; I don't think the public sees this because he is such a charmer with his refined demeanor outside the home.

4. Several years ago I noticed the daughter rubbing herself, I immediately asked what she was doing when she of course responded with, "nothing" why? I just know it has to be something she's seen at the mother's house given the information we've received (from the recent x husband and other boyfriends) sick thing is, I was told (by a prefessional) it was natural for a child to touch themselves... however now she's not such a little child anymore.

5. My husband does prefer a looker, I often accuse him of being rather shallow. I don't dress too sexy or trashy if you will; I try to dress classy but not matronly; I'll wear a long t-shirt to sleep in too so why the daughter feels she needs to dress that way around our home is silly.

6, the mother does dress for attention, and boy does she get it. And not to sway from the subject entirely, but she might resemble a Kim Bassinger but more worn from sun and bars with maybe a triple F chest. I will admit, she was very pretty 10-15 years ago when I knew her. But several surgeries later, she's not as cute. The mother will often call me [at home] and make remarks about my new vehicle, my new business, something about my boys, my saying something to her daughter, etc. just nonsense items. I generally do not respond, as it's just her way of trying to get to me. They have been divorced nearly 11 years already.

7. I truly believe you are right with his daughter being confused and using the [wrong] approach to get the male's attention. I'm just very creeped out at how she is with her father. And I swear on my life it has nothing to do with jealousy. Father's day was the last straw when several people dropped their jaw at the picture she gave of herself in a bikini, then having worn a short short skirt draping her legs over her fathers legs was just about all the family and friends could stand. He ended up tearing the picture into three and throwing it across the floor asking, "does this make you feel better"? He just doesn't get it. Sometimes I almost believe the mother and grandmother are pushing her to do this even more. It's really all too creepy for me and that is why I continue to seek outside opinions from everyone. Again, Thank you so much for your time.

I think your gut feelings are correct, and you should seek help in rectifying this situation. I can only wish you the best and hope you come to a solution as to what to do with your dysfuntional husband, and his wayward daughter.

It sounds like she is mimicking what her mother does, and maybe it's a bonus that you are ousted because of his response to you. I don't know- this sounds like such a triangle of issues. My first thought is to talk to him, but it sounds like you have tried that approach several times now. Is it possible that you are attacking his way of raising his children and that is why he gets so defensive? I am somewhat familiar with the type of guy you have painted him to be- and well I must give you lots of credit for dealing with it for so long, I don't have much patience for that kind of attitude (being automatically defensive and resorting to yelling to get his way). Not me, I would have already left- but then I have never been in love with a guy like that, so I guess I really don't know what I would do in a situation like that.

So have you bonded with the girl at all? Does she have other girlfriends that are like her- dressing and acting like she does? Does she dress like this at school?

I guess if you feel like approaching the father is a dead end, maybe you can reach the daughter and become a friend to her- and try to coach her in how to be a woman. Of course I do not suggest down talking her mother- that will certainly only bring hostility, but you say she likes you so she should look up to you in some ways as to how she behaves. It sucks she spends so much time with her mother who seems to be a bad influence, but if you feel up to it, maybe you can counter act those influences.

Maybe you can talk to her about sex, and ask her what she thinks or knows... I don't know how comfortable you are with her, but she is obviously exploring her body and experiencing changes in her body and mind. It really worries me that her mother is so openly sexual and not seeming to care about her daughters actions.

So I saw earlier that you were going to call somebody- I think I missed it, but are you going to seek professional help for how to deal with this yourself, or are you going to try to get someone else to intervene? I hope that whatever it is helps the situation and doesn't blow it out of proportion. Really I wish the father could see what his daughter is turning into...

I looked up some sites which might interest you... just maybe you can get your husband to look at them too- though he sounds so stubborn I doubt it.

GirlHealth | Father and Daughter Relationships (http://www.girlhealth.org/our_relationships/father_relationship/facts.html) - this one is directed more towards the daughters perspective

"FATHER - DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS" (http://www.askdrsears.com/faq/az39.asp) - A Dr's site and a question from a father who is concerned with the publics view on is relationship with his daughter

Freewheeling Father-Daughter Relationship (http://www.queendom.com/advices/advice.htm?advice=417) - Another stepmother in a similar situation as you- father and daughter a bit 'too close'

PTA : PTA Our Children Magazine Article : Strengthening Father-Daughter Relationships (http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1118607579812.html) - Parent resource page, an article on how to strengthen father/daughter relationships

Chat Room: Father/Daughter Relationships (http://www.babycrowd.com/forums/alternative_family/Father_Daughter_Relationships/) another woman with issues of the father/daughter relationship being too close... and other responders.

There are many more sites, so it looks to be a common problem. I guess you are just going to have to think hard and figure out how you feel you can handle this the best way. You sound like a very sincere woman and you have the best of intentions here- I have confidence yo will handle it well. Let us know if there is any progress, I am certainly curious.

Since you have gotten overwhelming confirmation that the father-daughter relationship needs professional intervention, I will simply add - don't let him talk you out of it.

The thing that caught my attention besides the acting-out-daughter is that you said you don't sleep with your husband because he snores. Please add a doctor's visit to your list of professionals. Your husband may be suffering from sleep apnea. Simple tests could mean that you are back in your bedroom which would strengthen your relationship (I think).

WOW!! Let me first say before I comment on this post, Bushg, you have hit the nail directly on the head on more than one issue going on here! I think you are absolutely correct in every single aspect of this problem. I think that the one poster who told OP to grow up and called her jealous does not realize that kids, especially little girls around the ages of 12-14 are so influental that its almost scary. They will mimic behaviors that they see their mothers, sisters, cousins and even older girls at school doing. It is very apparent that the mother in this situation lets her daughter "see" a little too much if you all know what I mean. As far as dad goes, he is completely wrong for allowing this behavior to continue. If he feels that mom doesn't show her enough attention, then he needs to start doing stuff with her one on one. Maybe take her shopping, or go fishing (if she is into that) He needs to find out what this little girl is interested in and then use that to bond with her. This cuddling at night in skimpy clothing needs to stop. All I keep hearing in my head is Michael Jackson saying it's a natural thing to open your bed up to a child!! NO ITS NOT! Children belong in their own beds. It has been proven that children that are allowed to sleep with their parents have severe issues with insecurity! Get your family some help please, don't wait. Do it soon and please keep us posted on this situation!

Well I was very happy to read that the pic of you in a bikini was in a home office. Because that set off alarms for me. I don't know any business that would think a picture like you describe was appropriate for the office.

My second point is that I don't see anything wrong with a father cuddling a daughter, even up to a much older age. But specifically sleeping in the same bed? Sorry that's going over the deep end.

So the bottomline here is that you have a somewhat dysfunctional family. Dad's inappropriate behavior, your refusal to share a bed with him, daughter's suggestive clothing and overly affectionate behavior, among other clues.

You NEED to get the whole family into counseling. Dad needs to be warned that his behavior may get him in jail. Daughter needs to taught what is acceptable and appropriate behavior. You need to learn how to deal with the whole situation.

I think the dad needs a good wake up call. I am sure he sees nothing sexual in this at all, his daughter is and probably always will be his little girl, however old she is, but she is old enough to understand that this behaviour is not right between a father and his daughter. I too find the photo thing creepy, but girls like to play at dressing up and acting older than they are-my five year old daughter wants to wear a bra! Actually so does my 4 year old son, but its nothing sexual, they kist like to play at being adults. But at that age, she must realise herself that a line is being crossed. I am not for one minute saying it is her fault, far from it, the mother sounds like a pretty bad influence, but she is not a baby, kids are not that naïve these days. However, the father needs to put a stop to it. He needs to tell her she is just too damn old to be sleeping in his bed and she is to act her age-not younger and not older! If she wants to be wearing bikinis she has to accpet she is growing up and sleep on her own! I don't blame you for contemplating divorce, I would not accept my partner sleeping with his daughter (who is the same age!) Its just not right.

Well s2tp you've done it again, I feel as if I'm speaking with someone that knows a lot of what's happening here... thank you.

I will admit there are days when I've finally become so frustrated I attack his ways of raising children... especially when he tells my 4 year old it's okay to tinkle outside if he can't run in the house in time. So it becomes a buildup of several issues and I finally blow in a way that isn't very amicable.

When I met this man he was incredibly sensitive, caring and seemed so thoughtful towards his mother with taking her shopping all the time, calling her daily to see how she was doing, doing things for her, making every effort to get his daughter, etc. That honestly lasted for about a year, we then married and well, the rest is history. I tell him often he's a true Jekyll Hyde.. He'll even laugh at that some days.

The daughter and I were always chatty and did things together, she'll still ask me if her hair looks okay or about her new shoes … however my assumption is the mother got word of this and began filling her head with junk... she then became stand offish and almost disrespectful, whatever the mother told her or is telling her is beyond me. Nonetheless I still remained friendly... until she began to sass me, or say "i doooon't think sooo" or "Whaaatever" the last one was, “I only have one mother”. I would say, "young lady, you don't talk to me that way" and she'd run to her father and say, Dad, **** is all mad about something, can we go get McDonald's” I discipline my boys and they respect my decision and my 16 yr old is very well behaved, she just sasses. I can almost sense a bit of phoniness when she comes over now where she wasn't like this in years past. (I've been around her since she's been 5-1/2.

I drop little hints in reference to promiscuity and how there's so many nasty things going around. She'll say, “OMG, I know, some girls are just nasty hoes” okay, I thought they began saying that in HS not 6th grade. She'll watch the Sweet 16 show and say “those girls are so spoiled and trashy on that show” (I've seen it once) I'll let her know that it's TV and these reality shows are inflated for viewing pleasures, don't get too caught up in that. She dresses older for her age and has been sent home from school or having parents called for her makeup applications. (I found out through another parent as her mother would never tell us) As far as a heart to heart about the S word, I haven't really got too deep into that.

Another thing is, this little girl goes through friends like I go through milk. One month she'll say “my best friend, blah blah blah”…then the next, “oh, I don't talk to her anymore, I hate her” they all go through those stages however she hasn't established any true friendships that are lasting. The neighbors [her age] make comments like, “wow, you look like your 16 [with that makeup on,] yes her mother allows it …we do not. My girlfriends' daughter of 12 years is the sweetest cutest thing, they have nothing in common since this little sweetie is so inexperienced. I'll explain to my step/d how important it is to have friends as I've had them from 3rd grade, 6th grade and HS still … she'll say “oh wow, my mom has like 4 best friends”, I'll ask if she's known them a long time when she responds with, "oooohhh yahhh, like 6 months and they talk every day" …so her mom hasn't any real friendships either. I guess her one 'best friend' told her now x husband that she was back stage flashing her chest to the band …that marriage lasted 6 months.

And …while typing all this several have posted their response and I am truly grateful …thank you

I did phone a PHD with a MA and was able to speak with her on the phone for roughly 40 minutes …in short, she indicated that any 12 year old girl sleeping with her father is not healthy nor is it acceptable, cuddles or not … it's wrong. She also stated that it sounds like my husband is rather immature and selfish. She also stated that the daughter should seek therapy to figure out what normal 12 year olds are doing. She said from the sounds of things, this man [husband] doesn't sound like he's willing to make a change, but only for the moment. All in all she had some very good points and would like for my husband and I to visit with her next Friday … but isn't going to promise anything since she's seen these types before…Friday was the only appointment she had left. Let's see if my husband goes for it, I seem to think not, but we'll see …

Squiffy … Dad sees absolutely nothing sexual in this, yet he's fully aware of what goes on at the moms place …she's even taken her daughter on trips with her boyfriends staying in the same room … we called the attorney on that one and she (supposedly) has never done it again. The daughter is very hush hush about the mother now.

Scott, my family “is” somewhat dysfunctional … he and I still take care of business however my sleeping in the same room is a nightmare when his loud muffler is going. It's been nearly 3 years now …but the added tension with everything else doesn't make things better. A girlfriend of mine has been married 17 years and has slept in separate rooms for over 9 …they have a super relationship, without the added nonsense. (Same reason) The pic of me isn't anything seductive, actually I was standing at the table drinking a glass of water when the photo was taken …I just happen to be in my bikini.

Kanicky …the daughter has seen too much for her age.. she's 12 going on 19, seriously …this is where the problem is … she isn't your average 12 year old. In Dad's defense, he makes cookies with her, reads with her, plays catch, watches movies … guess it's just not enough. (he also tells her he needs to watch his news and she has to wait until he's finished …she gets mad calling her mom)

Talan … my friends believe the mother and grandmother have something to do with the overly affectionate daughter…especially since the mother and gram helped copy the bikini pic and purchase the frame. My mother would never have allowed that to be given [at 12]to my father or any man for that matter.

Emland.. My husband snores because he's a drinker too … uh huhh. Even once or twice a week will put him into a snore for days.

Like I said …tooo many things are not good …I may need to jump ship pretty soon.


Thanks so much for everyone's great input into all this goofy stuff, it has really shed the light I needed to see …sorry it's so long too. I'll continue to respond if you're still interested.

I see this in a totally different light. Trust me, I can see how this disgusts you but she is ONLY 12... you have to remember that! She wants her dad to herself and this is how she is doing it. Her brain is not fully developed so she cannot see what you can. It has been ingrained in her head by her mother that his is the "normal" way women act. I also get a sense of jealously and I probably would to but you are an adult and you need to try your hardest to set that feeling aside because this IS his daughter and she is, again, only 12. If I were you, I would talk to the daughter and explain to her that you love her and think she is beautiful but you are afraid that she is sending the wrong image about herself to other people. She is young, it is not too late! I honestly do not think she has been abused; I was a daddy's little girl when I was younger and I can remember doing similar things.

Rank... I have expressed to her that her flirtatious ways around the boys could get her into trouble and that she doesn't want to have to live her life with "rumors" going around if she were to be misconstrued in some way. She hangs on the boys and they push her away ~I do give her compliments often~... but... again... it is the flirtatious behavior with the father that creeps me out. It is not at all a jealousy thing, she's 12 already, I haven't any reason to be jealous of a 12 year old.. I've encouraged my husband to seek full custody, he won't. If she were 35 and doing all this, you might be able to veer towards the jealousy part... however, I'm comfy in my own skin and haven't any reason to be jealous... especially of a 12 year old. It's as many have stated... it's just not right that the girl behave this way with HER FATHER. I get plenty of attention from my husband, be it positive or negative... I actually have to find things to do so I can have some ME time... I'm not seeking additional attention from my husband, just to have light shed on this wacky situation. She may be twelve, but as many at home here have stated, she is NOT your normal 12 year old, she's been taught some adult behavior patterns that obviously need fixing, with the eye make-up spraying perfume on, fluffing her hair and wearing slinky clothes to jump in bed with Dad; This is NOT what the NORMAL 12 year old does... but thanks for your insight anyhow.

You are right... the more I've read on this post the more I can see.

my 12 year old step-daughter won't sleep in her own room. I don't sleep in the same room as my husband due to his snoring. She's 5'8, a B cup bra, wears tight boy shorts and a v neck tight string tank to bed spraying body spray all over before going to sleep. My four year old son sleeps in the room sometimes as well however not every time. I've asked my husband to please have a talk with her as this is not normal and is actually unhealthy. He tells me I'm over reacting that she's still a little girl and I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is. She wraps her arms around him and lays her head on his chest, she spoons him when laying down with her leg over him, she sits next to him with a skirt on and her legs draped over his and recently began calling him "daddy" instead of dad ...now the latest, she gives him for fathers day a 9x12 framed photo of her in a string bikini on the beach wearing a padded bikini top, people say it's because he has one of me on his desk in a bikini, uh where's the school or sport pictures?

...I'm just sick at the whole thing and my husbands lackadaisical approach. I am near divorce with all this, since it's just so creepy. He tells me not to blame her for what her mother has taught her to be (I don't, but he's not helping) her mom is the town tramp and dresses very [trashy] too, but c'mon this is his daughter already. He tells her to go in her room, but when she doesn't, he doesn't pursue it. People have made comments as to her behavior and more so this is why I've brought it to his attention since he is in the public eye often, somebody is going to say the wrong thing one day and he's not going to like it. Am I being ridiculous? Please help.

Lady, do you not know what's going on? Have you ever heard of the oedipus theory? The greek man or whatever. He said that the oedipus theory is when the son tries to kill the dad because he is jealous of the relationship that he has with his mother. It goes for daughters as well. The daughter is jealous of the "mom". In this case you are the step mom, your the woman who is replacing HER MOM! She feels like she needs to compete with you for his love and attention, and the only way she knows how is to be provocative and sexy towards her own father- the way you and her own mom is/ used to be. Do you get it? U need to show this girl some love and remind her there is no competition for the fathers love. Its not only her fault, it is yours too.

She is shown a good amount of love at this house... she just requires more. I give her compliments every time I see her, I try to joke with her, her father bakes cookies or watches movies with her, but she often complains she's bored or she demands they go bike riding or sit outside on the deck. Then he becomes enraged and screams at her. She'll pretend she's completely interested in what he has to say all while interrupting him to say, "Okay, lets go to McDonald's or the mall... she's involved in every activity, she's just different from the average 12 year old, she screams at my 4 year old every time she's here, it's just an all around bad situation... My biggest problem was her primping before going to bed... in my husbands room. I'm realizing more and more she's obviously jealous of me, my 4 year old, my 16 year old and our close relationship... I'm suggesting to the father that she get some counseling since it's becoming more evident that she's wanting all the spotlight on her. (positive or negative)

Yes Bushg... I think that's a yes...

Just a thought here. You say your husband is concerned about his public image. How does he feel about the guys knowing that you don't sleep together? Or that his teenage daughter is ? Maybe you should also put on nice (not provocative) night gown on and start sleeping with your husband. I wonder if your step daughter would still want to be in there with you there. My children are so embarrassed if my husband and I are the least bit affectionate to each other so maybe she will be totally grossed out by the thought of you two together. I still agree with the others that she is overly sexualized for her age and needs help. She is a victim but you can't allow her to take more victims with her. I hope that Friday goes well. How about a church program for teens? Are you all involved in any church they may have teens that could be a better example to her?

I think that's the problem... whenever she notices my husband and I becoming affectionate she turns on the charm. If I'm even within ear sight, she'll run over to him and wrap her arms around his waist and put her head on his chest... walking with him while he's walking, or if he's sitting, throwing her legs across his... just goofy. If my husband slaps me on the butt or kisses my head she'll go over and say, "daddy, can we go outside, it's a nice day" if my husband has his arm around me on the left, she'll run over to his right. Trust me she doesn't want me affectionate towards him or vice versa.

**he'll tell people I am a light sleeper and I am unable to function during the day if I don't get a good night's sleep, therefore I sleep in the guest room... see how the problem reverts back to me.

My husband just informed me he called the sister from an outing he was at with her group ...ohhh, okay, so a nun that you pulled the charm on and "yes ma'amed" and "god bless you ma'amed" I'm suppose to believe is going to understand this. You have to know this man, he is completely opposite in public than he is at home ...he has to be, that is what he's paid for. I came in yesterday to hear him screaming terrible obscenities at least 4-5 in a row because my 4 year old thru the teddy bear up in the air and it hit the ceiling fan 11 feet high ... it didn't cause any damage, it's just his normal response to things ...but the sister sees him in a different light. I'll give him credit for calling, however I think it's in hopes this (52 year old) sister will side with him. I'll pray she can see right thru him ...

Seriously, I don't think he and I are going to last, it's just not healthy the things around my boys and me, and it took this site and my letting it out to realize this. Nonetheless, I was hoping he could see others opinion's rather than my own or my family and friends... he tries to make them and me all who are mostly successful people, sound like we have no idea what we are talking about.

Thanks again for your input Lacey

Again, the appointment with the psychologist is next Friday... seems like a long time, but hopefully in the two hour session she is going to allow we can shed some professional light on all this. Looks like I'll be going myself however.

My 16 year old is a boy... who thinks the 12 year old is a little too flirtatious and around he and his friends... but otherwise doesn't say a whole lot about the situation.

" I discipline my boys and they respect my decision and my 16 yr old is very well behaved", she just sasses. " it's just not healthy the things around my boys and me" from these two statement I am trying to understand the gender of the 16 year old.

Is she over friendly to him? Sorry u answered wjhile I was typing. Sometimes it takes outsiders to be able to see things as they are, sometimes being to close to a situation and loving people clouds our judgements. The thing now is that you are aware of things that are going on with you and your children and you are willing to make changes. When it comes down to it you really only have say so over you and your two boys. Make sure that you do what is right by them. :)

Genders are both boys... my statement meant my boys respect what I say, the 4 year old has some learning still, however my 16 year old is very well behaved

Thanks a bunch Bushg... according to him outsiders are jealous of him so they'll say outlandish things... My family or friends do not even know the half of it, I couldn't tell them everything, they would never accept him around.

Thankfully I'm able to open up a little more on this site and realize it's just an all around sad situation.

Thank u again!

Seriously, I don't think he and I are going to last, it's just not healthy the things around my boys and me, and it took this site and my letting it out to realize this. Nonetheless, I was hoping he could see others opinion's rather than my own or my family and friends ...he tries to make them and me all who are mostly successful people, sound like we have no idea what we are talking about.
I agree that the oversexualized 12 year old daughter quite likely has been or is being sexually abused by somebody, but even if she's just insecure and jealous and trying to use the tools her mother taught her to get her dad's attention, it's still a very unhealthy situation.

Ultimately though, her relationship with her father is out of your hands. What's not out of your hands is your response to his emotional abuse and controlling behavior toward you and your boys. Your priority should be to decide how you're going to deal with that. I would make that the primary focus of your session with the therapist on Friday.

I would never try to take the daughter away from her father or interfere in that bond. (until this) I did all I could for my husband for almost 2 years with reports and filings and investigating the mother and her behavior with the men, the bars and late nights out while the daughter was at home alone.. I insisted he try and get custody... he said no, the daughter should be with her mother. More likely his selfish behavior and not wanting 100% responsibility. It's just all a mess guys.

Ireally think you should sit down with your husband AND his daughter and talk about the situation, if both agree its just a father to daughter bond or get defensive than all you can do as a step mom is keep an eye on it. I think the situation though is very discusting and you are making your own life a hell whole with your husband, I think he and his daughter need therapy if they think that behavior is okay. I once had a friend who's daughter was taking showers with her dad and she was 10 going on 11, these whole daughter father things are quite creepy and this behavior is more than love, its sensuality. I say sit them down...

Do you think I would be hammered if I tried to sit down with the two of them... they are both very defensive people. She'll say, "OMG, whatever" when a subject comes up that she doesn't agree with... as when she was approached with bragging who her father was and how it wasn't a very good way to conduct herself... she denied it and said she'd NEVER say that... several people came into my business stating they always know who she is since she's always saying her dad**** this and her dad*** that (saying his name). I would love to sit down with [the normal] family and talk about the situation...

One other thing... I think the mother and grandmother may in fact be involved in this... she's just been overly affectionate these past several months with no regard to my comments. The mother and grandmother helped create the bikini photo for father's day... it's sick!

You, and your husband, should be a united front to guide all the children in knowing what roles they play in the household, and what is the correct way to act. The biggest problem I see, is the adults are at odds, and cannot lead the children to adulthood, as a unit. Counseling is so needed to put you, and your husband, on the same page.

I think you may be right goofy. Trying to talk with them together will make them defensive and unite against you. You somehow need to make your husband see how unhealthy the daughter is. Would he be willing to read some literature on teens? How does he feel about the strong possibility of her being sexually active and early pregnancies? Most dads don't want to think of their girls with boys. Maybe if he can see that her behaviors with him are not going to be limited to him. She most likely will be (if not already) a very promiscues young woman. If he could see that her behavior is not that of a normal 12 yo then maybe you can get united. He will have to be the one to stop the behavior. ANything you say will only likely push her towards more undesirable behaviors. It does sound like she is jealous of your relationship and he will have to make things clear with her that he values her relationship as a daughter but will set limits. If she sees that you are united I think it will go a long way to help her.

If my husband was a mature individual this would all be great, however he has stated to her how much he loves her, my 4-year old and me just the same and she has to deal with that... however if he and I are on the outs, he'll go along with anything she says just to have a "companion" on his side. He hates, hates to be wrong so even if a 12 year old humors him, he's happy... I've told him how wrong and confusing he is but he denies being this way; so many of us see what he does so obviously it's not something made up.

my 12 year old step-daughter won't sleep in her own room. I don't sleep in the same room as my husband due to his snoring. She's 5'8, a B cup bra, wears tight boy shorts and a v neck tight string tank to bed spraying body spray all over before going to sleep. My four year old son sleeps in the room sometimes as well however not every time. I've asked my husband to please have a talk with her as this is not normal and is actually unhealthy. He tells me I'm over reacting that she's still a little girl and I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is. She wraps her arms around him and lays her head on his chest, she spoons him when laying down with her leg over him, she sits next to him with a skirt on and her legs draped over his and recently began calling him "daddy" instead of dad ...now the latest, she gives him for fathers day a 9x12 framed photo of her in a string bikini on the beach wearing a padded bikini top, people say it's because he has one of me on his desk in a bikini, uh where's the school or sport pictures?

...I'm just sick at the whole thing and my husbands lackadaisical approach. I am near divorce with all this, since it's just so creepy. He tells me not to blame her for what her mother has taught her to be (I don't, but he's not helping) her mom is the town tramp and dresses very [trashy] too, but c'mon this is his daughter already. He tells her to go in her room, but when she doesn't, he doesn't pursue it. People have made comments as to her behavior and more so this is why I've brought it to his attention since he is in the public eye often, somebody is going to say the wrong thing one day and he's not going to like it. Am I being ridiculous? Please help.
I'm not a liberal or anything but there are those who would consider a man sleeping with "nubile, leggy" thing as a form of childmolestation whether they aren't or are doing anything but sleeping... God bless you!

my 12 year old step-daughter won't sleep in her own room. I don't sleep in the same room as my husband due to his snoring. She's 5'8, a B cup bra, wears tight boy shorts and a v neck tight string tank to bed spraying body spray all over before going to sleep. My four year old son sleeps in the room sometimes as well however not every time. I've asked my husband to please have a talk with her as this is not normal and is actually unhealthy. He tells me I'm over reacting that she's still a little girl and I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is. She wraps her arms around him and lays her head on his chest, she spoons him when laying down with her leg over him, she sits next to him with a skirt on and her legs draped over his and recently began calling him "daddy" instead of dad ...now the latest, she gives him for fathers day a 9x12 framed photo of her in a string bikini on the beach wearing a padded bikini top, people say it's because he has one of me on his desk in a bikini, uh where's the school or sport pictures?

...I'm just sick at the whole thing and my husbands lackadaisical approach. I am near divorce with all this, since it's just so creepy. He tells me not to blame her for what her mother has taught her to be (I don't, but he's not helping) her mom is the town tramp and dresses very [trashy] too, but c'mon this is his daughter already. He tells her to go in her room, but when she doesn't, he doesn't pursue it. People have made comments as to her behavior and more so this is why I've brought it to his attention since he is in the public eye often, somebody is going to say the wrong thing one day and he's not going to like it. Am I being ridiculous? Please help.
NO when i waz 12 i wanted to have my own room i never slept with my parents and i never wanted to...because they were my parents and i wanted to give them there time alone...mostly at night..lol

the point is if you think it is wrong that that is your thing
i love my dad and i sat on his lap...but i never did what this little girl does

why dont u talk to her or somthing and no way you arent wrong do what you feel is right

If her mother is aware of this she would have filed legal actions for both of you and your husband already. but i dont really see concrete proof that he abused her nor she does which would be unrealistic. well I dont know. i think the answers lies on your head no offense.


Wellllll, truth be known, the mother made an accusation several years back about the daughter and father... we all laughed it off knowing she would say things just to say them, she brought it up in court but never pursued it... in any event, I don't think this is a molestation thing... it's just a creepy situation that is very unnatural.

Well, if you are not able to help him see how wrong this is then I would say protect your children. You may need proof of what is going on later. I am thinking of the future if things are not able to work out with you two. You may need pictures to have in a case of a custody battle with your own children. It doesn't sound as if he will be reasonable and not make good judgements for your 4 yo when he is a teen. Is there a way to take a picture or record a conversation without him being aware? I wouldn't want you to be put in a dangerous position with him. I am sorry that things are so wrong for you. He should have never put the 12 yo on the same level as you. We should always show our children that our first alliance is to our spouse and together we parent.

I would really like to know how to go about proving more of this... he's on guard now so nothing will transpire anytime soon... nonetheless, my biggest concern is with my 4 year old and he having to deal with those two if [when] I leave him. He's more than likely going to tell her something so how do I go about it from this point on. If it stops great, but who knows when I'm not home.

Well for one save and print our discussions here. May not do much but does show your concern. Ask your family members to also write down what they have seen and heard. Do you think you might also get help (very carefully)from the ex? Just be intuative and lay low for now. Stay safe. He sounds like a husband of a coworker. It is always about him and how everyone perceives him. He is so nice to us but she sees a different side at home. Maybe the therapy will help. I hope he will see how important it is and go with you.

Well for one save and print our discussions here. May not do much but does show your concern. Ask your family members to also write down what they have seen and heard. Do you think you might also get help (very carefully)from the ex? Just be intuative and lay low for now. Stay safe. He sounds like a husband of a coworker. It is always about him and how everyone perceives him. He is so nice to us but she sees a different side at home. Maybe the therapy will help. I hope he will see how important it is and go with you.

you're a doll... I have saved the listings for what it's worth. I'll ask family members when it's the final count down, I don't want them any more involved than I have to. The ex has a problem with me, she wanted to be friends and I allowed her to call me, but every conversation was about her and my husband and how he was a this and a that and what he did and so many trivial matters; I tried to convince her that the issue at hand was her daughter but she was all caught up with him... I just stopped taking her calls. She then became rude when I bought my second business (on my own) and my new vehicle. It was as if she had this "only I can have things or do things, not you" so she began leaving some not so nice things about my boys and my husband and I on the answering machine. I don't really know if she'd be up for my calls right now. My son's father, his wife and I are like family, but I guess all x's are not like that.

It is always about him and how the world perceives him... God forbid if anyone knew the real *** *******.

I would really like to know how to go about proving more of this ...he's on guard now so nothing will transpire anytime soon ...nonetheless, my biggest concern is with my 4 year old and he having to deal with those two if [when] I leave him. He's more than likely going to tell her something so how do I go about it from this point on. If it stops great, but who knows when I'm not home.
Use your cell phone to take pics of themor a camcorder.

should I go on another site and ask this question ... Does anybody know if it matters [when it comes to my boys] that he's had 4 DUI's, ...last one was in 02. He's still a drunken driver but has been lucky ...and so have the people on the road. I'm thinking I would like to ask for supervised visitations but may not have enough to prove. I've documented a number of incidents for the last 2 years however with today's laws they may just laugh it off. He knows so many people, it's just hard to think he would have to follow my requests. His ex filed a restraining order against him last year saying he came after her and verbally threatened her, (nothing physical) nonetheless, they made him go to 8 hours of anger management ....he never did, he got out of it.

wut to do wut to do ...

The fact is that you are uncomfortable with it . And he as your husband is not respecting your feelings about this. I have concerns to why a 12 year old girl will act this way but regardless , your husband is hurting everyone by not taking heed of what you are saying. It is absolutely a choice he is making that he likes the attention that his daughter gives him even though he may not think of it as sexual . It has nothing to do with anyone's jealousy or what not . It is basically to me an issue of a man who is very self serving. My first instinct if you husband does not stop this behavior and you feel like the situation is not inocent then I would take action in taking yourself and your younger child away from this situation and then think of how you can help them from a distance. This cannot be good for you mentally to see this night after night when it makes you uncomfortable .

should I go on another site and ask this question ... Does anybody know if it matters [when it comes to my boys] that he's had 4 DUI's, ...last one was in 02. He's still a drunken driver but has been lucky ...and so have the people on the road. I'm thinking I would like to ask for supervised visitations but may not have enough to prove. I've documented a number of incidents for the last 2 years however with today's laws they may just laugh it off. He knows so many people, it's just hard to think he would have to follow my requests. His ex filed a restraining order against him last year saying he came after her and verbally threatened her, (nothing physical) nonetheless, they made him go to 8 hours of anger management ....he never did, he got out of it.

wut to do wut to do ....
Ok, no one is answering this, so I will give you my opinion as someone who detest drunk drivers. I knew someone that used to go out on binges. Years after doing this, he would get so bad he did not know who he was, and would have black outs and sit in his car and doorways until he slept it off, sometimes he would wake up swollen,from all the drinking, sometimes he would not know the people around him family, kids... etc.. When he would go out and I knew where he was going, I would call the local police department and ask them to please keep an eye out for this driver, their reply was "yes we patrol thet area and we know who you are talking about but we can not be a part of a set up! If we catch him we catch him, how do we know he is drunk, this maybe a setup"... No help! The laws in 2007 are stiffer so you may get a different response dthat I did 15 years ago. Mention some high profile drunk driving cases and talk to the chief, not on the phone but in person. His DUIs were many years ago , Im sure they can not be used against him, maybe his anger management classes could, however if you bring up this after all these years it will only seem as though your being vindictive. I for 1, one I would not be getting in the car with someone who had been drinking and a child around me would not either, if he insisted on allowing this child to get in his car I would call the police on the spot or go and file child endangerment charges.

Ok, no one is answering this, so I will give you my opinion as someone who detest drunk drivers. .


Bushg... we don't get in the vehicle with him (unless I drive)... and my children are not allowed either, I would never forgive myself if something happened. It's generally when he's been at the golf course all day (i.e yesterday) and Monday. His [small] family lives out of town, with a number of his alcoholic, divorced friends. When we visit it's an all around drunk fest. This is where he received two or three of his DUI's. He's well known for being a drinker, so it's not going to be any secret dispersed to anyone.

On many occasions when his daughter was younger he would have her in the car (after drinking) and I would tell him how horrible it would be if something happened... and that was why I brought it up about my 4 year old thinking if I l were to leave him, I won't be around to tell him how wrong it is for him to have my 4 year old in the car after he's been drinking. Several months ago he came home from golfing (w/my son) and I went nutz on him... I told him if I ever found out he had him in the car again, while drinking, I'd call the police. He just told me to calm down. He hasn't since (that I'm aware of)

Listen, stop letting this man anywhere near your son in a car... if he did it once he will do it again. He may not leave drinking but he has poor judgement and you never know what kind of danger your son will be in on their way back from somewhere. I would tell him this and my baby would never get in a car again with him until he reached 18 and consented to it himself. This I would raise total and complete hell over! Your husband is very irresponsible and don't let him kill your son he is doing enough damage to him emotionally but he can recover from that. Drunken car crashes can kill him, then there will be no recovery only a grave. If this is the only issue that you stand up to him on, then so be it. But unless this man gets some serious counseling, and a lot of it! Then there is no way in hell that he would ever crawl under the wheel of a car with my child in it! This I would inform his sorry A** of as soon as he walked in my door tonight. Stand strong on this issue or be prepared to stand at a gravesite someday!

Lacey wow that is such a good idea, I hope she tries that. Madd is a great group! :)

Listen, stop letting this man anywhere near your son in a car...if he did it once he will do it again. He may not leave drinking but he has poor judgement and you never know what kind of danger your son will be in on their way back from somewhere.


Bushg believe me when I say, he and I have had some pretty nasty arguments over his drinking.. and the what ifs. He's gone from 3-4 times a week to maybe twice a week and I try to take the baby with me (to work or wherever) when I know he's going golfing. Again, my fear is what would happen if I were to divorce him and not be around those days... this A$$ has actually dropped my boy off at his friends sisters house because I had a meeting or something and couldn't take him with. I never met her. That was bad enough, but then he picks him up [drunk] and goes home. (I'm thinking they are home the whole time)

Simple , when you work get him daycare , or a babysitter. His life is worth the effort. Do not leave it to chance 1 time. You know he is not responsible and he can not be trusted not even 1 time! Please for your child listen to me.

Thanks bush... he starts preschool this year.

my 12 year old step-daughter won't sleep in her own room. I don't sleep in the same room as my husband due to his snoring. She's 5'8, a B cup bra, wears tight boy shorts and a v neck tight string tank to bed spraying body spray all over before going to sleep. My four year old son sleeps in the room sometimes as well however not every time. I've asked my husband to please have a talk with her as this is not normal and is actually unhealthy. He tells me I'm over reacting that she's still a little girl and I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is. She wraps her arms around him and lays her head on his chest, she spoons him when laying down with her leg over him, she sits next to him with a skirt on and her legs draped over his and recently began calling him "daddy" instead of dad ...now the latest, she gives him for fathers day a 9x12 framed photo of her in a string bikini on the beach wearing a padded bikini top, people say it's because he has one of me on his desk in a bikini, uh where's the school or sport pictures?

...I'm just sick at the whole thing and my husbands lackadaisical approach. I am near divorce with all this, since it's just so creepy. He tells me not to blame her for what her mother has taught her to be (I don't, but he's not helping) her mom is the town tramp and dresses very [trashy] too, but c'mon this is his daughter already. He tells her to go in her room, but when she doesn't, he doesn't pursue it. People have made comments as to her behavior and more so this is why I've brought it to his attention since he is in the public eye often, somebody is going to say the wrong thing one day and he's not going to like it. Am I being ridiculous? Please help.
Somethink is very wrong and im sorry to say this but do you think what im thinking

Thanks for that Talaniman!!

Thanks for that Talaniman!!!

It was highly innapropriate of me to use the agree button to make a point but I just hated to start over.

Lacey you made a suggestion in reference to MADD... well in going through my notes and other articles I've saved... MADD was one of the groups that wrote some nasty things about my husband when he received his last DUI... it was all over the internet too, he was so mad at them for saying the things they did. (no pun intended) I'm sure they would be interested in his many [drunken] outings. I do know a good number of the police out here seem to let him go. He was stopped a year and a half ago and the police officer asked him to step out of the car, lock the doors and call someone to come pick him up since he was in no shape to drive. (I picked him up)

I don't think I should get ugly with all this, I just want him to realize what he's doing [in so many aspects] are out and out wrong and he needs to stop blaming everyone else for pointing them out.

I think that MADD may be your best resource then. They will not care what his status is in the community. Also if it gets ugly and needs attention you can contact the news stations in your area. They are always looking for stories on public officials. I am not sure that he is an officail or just well known) I hope that it can get resolved without putting your family through all of that. I wish that we all could see these men for what they are before marriage and children are involved but they play the game well. I know you must feel trapped but you aren't. You will get through this. As a mother I know you first concern is for your children, again, are you involved in a church that can help out? They could be a great source for babysitting and suppot for you.

I was involved with a church where I used to live a few years ago... loved the pastor to no end, he's since retired and with all the goofy things going on in some of these churches, I'm a little apprehensive. I pray each night, I thank God each day... my husband wants to go to Church one Sunday then has no interest the next. I have a very supportive family, however one never wants to get them too involved since you do have to show up at family parties and such... they are aware of his drinking habits, and have made comments about the daughter, but as far as details, I wanted to keep that a little more private. My husband is pretty well known... oddly enough as one of "the greats" but he's so darn hard headed in believing "Everyone loves me, why don't you" well,not everyone really knows the real *****. I guess that's why I'm wife number four... thinking I was #2 but found out later about the other two.. . there are just so many negatives... I see it being kind of like a soap opera with the more I write.

I have only ever watched like, maybe 3, episodes of Dr. Phil in my life, and one happened to be about this type of problem.

The scary thing is that the details you have provided are much more involved and extreme than what was going on between the people on the show... and they made it onto TV! They needed counselling and to change what was going on. There was a problem there.

I am sorry, because it sounds like you're in a bad situation that is not going to get resolved easily.

In my personal opinion, the relationship between your husband and his daughter is totally inappropriate. I think it is overly sexual. I think there is inappropriate physical contact and a total lack of boundaries. Maybe they don't see it that way, but I honestly believe that I am not alone in thinking that is not normal.

I debated on whether to tell you this, because it is about someone else and not you specifically, but I decided I would just to give you another insight.

One night I was hanging out with some friends while in college, having some drinks and talking. After a while, the conversation turned to sex, and I guess since he was drunk and feeling comfortable enough, one guy (who is gay) told us that he had/was having a sexual relationship with his father. Needless to say, that was pretty shocking. He refused to indicate when it began (probably because it was before he was of legal age), but only that it had been going on for a while and was still going on. His father was still married to his mother, and he went on to tell us how hard it was for him because he was in love with his father and was very jealous of his mother because she got to be "his wife" and everything that came along with that. Obviously, that was something I never expected to hear, but there was no doubt in my mind that he was being genuine about his feelings even though I could never understand them.

I'm not saying that your situation is like that. I am not saying that your stepdaughter is in love with her father, or having a sexual relationship with him. I just am throwing out there that things like that do happen, and if it hasn't happened it is *possible* that it could happen. When those boundaries get too blurred, I guess things can happen that are very unusual.

I really don't know what you should do. I think that you need some kind of third party intervention or therapy because he is refusing to admit that there is anything wrong. I would hope that he heard it from someone else, some kind of professional, maybe he'd come around.

I feel bad, because I don't want to make you jump to any conclusions, but I also think you are right to be concerned about this. I think you really need to talk to a therapist and get their opinion on how to approach this with your husband or what step to take next. See if you can find one specializing in sexual abuse.

Goodluck, I hope this works out for you and things are resolved as painlessly as possible.

This is why I came on this site... trying to get other's opinions and to show him that I'm [and others little comments] are not the only one's who think this is unnatural and unhealthy. In seeing what many have wrote he laughs and says "these people have no idea who I am"... no, that is why I'm asking their opinion because you have a good amount of people schmoozed that they could never imagine such stupid behavior on your part. I did say that I think I should go public and ask his people's opinions... I haven't gotten a response.

Is he still considering the therapist next week? Maybe he will respect their opinion. I am glad you have a supportive family. I know that is a blessing. You can go to church without him. Take the children and maybe he will want to join you.

this is why I came on this site ... trying to get other's opinions and to show him that I'm [and others little comments] not the only one who thinks this is unnatural and unhealthy. In seeing what many have wrote he laughs and says "these people have no idea who I am" ... no, that is why I'm asking their opinion because you have a good amount of people schmoozed that they could never imagine such stupid behavior on your part. I did say that I think I should go public and ask his people's opinions ... I haven't gotten a response.
It is so sads , but I know who he is: someone that has insecurties about himself and goes from woman to woman to cover it up, someone that is afraid to be himself for fear of rejection, someone that covers lifes hurts with a bottle. He is a person that has little patience that skims through life with as little effort as possible. He is an addict and will take down and keep down as many people as he possibly can, to make his drowning a$$ not to feel different and not to be alone. Yes, I know him and many that are just like him. That only have a different name. People like him can not schmooze a person like myself, they fear me and my truth, so they laugh and try to cover their fear up that someone knows! Deep down he knows that he has been found out and he knows that you have been told, and he is scared as hell of his little world being turned upside down, by the truth. Inside he is shaking but not with laughter.

I99... she no longer has a my space... but, it was a pretty advanced site with her giving the peace sign and sticking her tongue out (lazy tongue) and another having her head tilted to the side in a seductive manner with the hair fluffed, lot's of peace signs pointing down with the pouty fish lips or both index fingers pointing at you as if she were Charlie's Angel, some of her and her mother or cousins out... the things that were said. Not your average site for a 11-12 year old... I didn't think.

Sad thing for her was she left it on my computer one night and I was able to see all these things on there... nothing too awful, but nothing a 12 yr old should show... some of the chats were not so nice. Her dad yelled at her, but she yelled back claiming innocence. And now, someone has stolen her password and has put all types of nasty comments on there (she and others have said)... who knows what she does now, maybe her sidekick... she doesn't use my computer anymore either... just the one she has at her mothers. Thanks for writing...

Hi guys, well I've decided I'm contacting an attorney on Monday. I was given a number for a divorce attorney specializing in psychological disorders and specifically for those who display "the charm" in public but is completely different at home; apparently this attorney has written books on these types of personality disorders but also deals with children and complex divorces. I need for someone to be able to see right through this mans charm already. I'm hoping he'll be able to see me sooner than the other appt. on Friday since I really need to get all this taken care of, it's really weighing heavy on my mind now.

Thanks again for helping me understand this situation a little better!!

Hi guys, well I've decided I'm contacting an attorney on Monday. I was given a number for a divorce attorney specializing in psychological disorders and specifically those who display "the charm" in public but is completely different at home; apparently he's written books on these types of personality disorders. I'm hoping he'll be able to see me sooner than the other appt. on Friday since I really need to get all this taken care of, it's really weighing heavy on my mind now.

Thanks again for helping me understand this situation a little better!!!
That is fine if that is what you want, but you must remember to take into account why you stayed so long. Review this and get the help for you and your children that is necessary. Much damage has been done and just getting a divorce will not make it all go away. Good luck with your choices:)

Thanks bush... it's sooo involved, I've already swayed a few times from the initial question so I won't get into it,but thanks to you guys, I finally feel confident enough to move forward. I'm really tired of this man belittling my family, friends, and myself in trying to make us feel as if we are all nutz in what we believe...

Hi guys, well I've decided I'm contacting an attorney on Monday. I was given a number for a divorce attorney specializing in psychological disorders and specifically those who display "the charm" in public but is completely different at home
Good for you! It sounds like he's beyond "fixing". It's a life-long habit of character, so the chances of a radical awakening are slim. Protect yourself and your boys and put as much distance between you and him as possible. Be courageous, and I wish you well.

Good Luck to you GOffy, I hope things go well for you and your family. Let us know if we can help in any way.

Thanks a bunch!

All I will say is LEAVE HIM<GET OUT OF THAT RELOINSHIP>Any one with eyes can see that that is pure sick...

It's the elecktra complex. I learned it this year. The daughter tries to be better than the mom and feels sexually attracted to the father, because she is jealous of the mother (you). I heard it happens ages 10-14. Should pass if you spend time with your daughter more. But in this case it sounds a lot more serious and well just different than normal phases. Not sure really.

How have things been Goffy?

How have things been Goffy?

Hi Lacey... Things are different with the daughter and dad... he sat down with her and explained that she is no longer allowed to sleep in his room and that she's a big girl now and shouldn't be afraid to be in her room by herself, as she's claiming. She's a little stand offish to both of us now, but at least the main thing seems under control.

As far as he and I, my attorney has to do discovery work, financial's and so forth, I'm hoping to be able to serve him by late August... would love to do it sooner however there's too much involved. He's trying to make nice and play he's so hurt role but there comes a point where one is just fed up to here with always being yelled at, wrong, the friends and family are all idiots, etc. just all negative stuff so it's time to move forward... After $295 for the counselor, she pretty much stated husband is immature [with other issues] and wants the world to see things his way and either you do... or you don't. I guess I just don't.

Thanks for asking Lacey... hope you and yours are happy and healthy!!

my 12 year old step-daughter won't sleep in her own room. I don't sleep in the same room as my husband due to his snoring. She's 5'8, a B cup bra, wears tight boy shorts and a v neck tight string tank to bed spraying body spray all over before going to sleep. My four year old son sleeps in the room sometimes as well however not every time. I've asked my husband to please have a talk with her as this is not normal and is actually unhealthy. He tells me I'm over reacting that she's still a little girl and I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is. She wraps her arms around him and lays her head on his chest, she spoons him when laying down with her leg over him, she sits next to him with a skirt on and her legs draped over his and recently began calling him "daddy" instead of dad ...now the latest, she gives him for fathers day a 9x12 framed photo of her in a string bikini on the beach wearing a padded bikini top, people say it's because he has one of me on his desk in a bikini, uh where's the school or sport pictures?

...I'm just sick at the whole thing and my husbands lackadaisical approach. I am near divorce with all this, since it's just so creepy. He tells me not to blame her for what her mother has taught her to be (I don't, but he's not helping) her mom is the town tramp and dresses very [trashy] too, but c'mon this is his daughter already. He tells her to go in her room, but when she doesn't, he doesn't pursue it. People have made comments as to her behavior and more so this is why I've brought it to his attention since he is in the public eye often, somebody is going to say the wrong thing one day and he's not going to like it. Am I being ridiculous? Please help.
That is very inappropriate I would put a stop to it that is asking for trouble I would tell him he needs counseling and so does she

As long as it has stopped then G00D!:)

Contact CPS and they will interview the child and your husband.

my 12 year old step-daughter won't sleep in her own room. I don't sleep in the same room as my husband due to his snoring. She's 5'8, a B cup bra, wears tight boy shorts and a v neck tight string tank to bed spraying body spray all over before going to sleep. My four year old son sleeps in the room sometimes as well however not every time. I've asked my husband to please have a talk with her as this is not normal and is actually unhealthy. He tells me I'm over reacting that she's still a little girl and I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is. She wraps her arms around him and lays her head on his chest, she spoons him when laying down with her leg over him, she sits next to him with a skirt on and her legs draped over his and recently began calling him "daddy" instead of dad ...now the latest, she gives him for fathers day a 9x12 framed photo of her in a string bikini on the beach wearing a padded bikini top, people say it's because he has one of me on his desk in a bikini, uh where's the school or sport pictures?

...I'm just sick at the whole thing and my husbands lackadaisical approach. I am near divorce with all this, since it's just so creepy. He tells me not to blame her for what her mother has taught her to be (I don't, but he's not helping) her mom is the town tramp and dresses very [trashy] too, but c'mon this is his daughter already. He tells her to go in her room, but when she doesn't, he doesn't pursue it. People have made comments as to her behavior and more so this is why I've brought it to his attention since he is in the public eye often, somebody is going to say the wrong thing one day and he's not going to like it. Am I being ridiculous? Please help.
Hi again. Curious about child's mother. Why is she with you and her father? Might learn by talking with ex wife. Any sibs? Does your husband use drugs, alcohol etc. Have you found any evidence of abuse while they are in bed, e.g. soiled fabrics, clothing? Wouldn't it be in everyone's best interest to spend a dollar for a pair of era plugs (very comfortable) and get back in the right bed. Best wishes

Well after reading ten pages of this... its went from, "How do I get HIM to see the light....to, "I'VE finally seen the light!" Well, thats all fine and great....but you ARE supposed to be the ADULT here.... so sudden epiphanies aside, what about the 12 yr old GIRL????
WHAT type of role does her life take on once your 'safe, snugly, and secure' OUTSIDE of thee home, eh?
She IS still a child, even tho not your own....I would think you have at the very least, a moral responsibility to ensure she live "safe, snugly and secure" also. What plan of action have you discussed with your atty./outside sources to ensure her well being also?

The situation needs addressed whether you remain in the home. Your impending divorce changes absolutely nothing for which you were first concerned with, remember?

The best of luck to your family and in your future endeavors!

This is not acceptable and he could be risking some serious accusations from people who notice the same things you do. He MUST step up and stop her behavior as a responsible parent. He may not "encourage" this behavior, but by allowing it to happen he is enabling her.
Its likely (hopefully) just a case of a confused girl that is jealous of her step-mother and father's relationship. However, the adults in this situation need to get her counseling. This poor kid isn't going to know this is wrong and how to deal with her feelings unless someone teaches her.

Your husband is very wrong to allow it.

my 12 year old step-daughter won't sleep in her own room. I don't sleep in the same room as my husband due to his snoring. She's 5'8, a B cup bra, wears tight boy shorts and a v neck tight string tank to bed spraying body spray all over before going to sleep. My four year old son sleeps in the room sometimes as well however not every time. I've asked my husband to please have a talk with her as this is not normal and is actually unhealthy. He tells me I'm over reacting that she's still a little girl and I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is. She wraps her arms around him and lays her head on his chest, she spoons him when laying down with her leg over him, she sits next to him with a skirt on and her legs draped over his and recently began calling him "daddy" instead of dad ...now the latest, she gives him for fathers day a 9x12 framed photo of her in a string bikini on the beach wearing a padded bikini top, people say it's because he has one of me on his desk in a bikini, uh where's the school or sport pictures?

...I'm just sick at the whole thing and my husbands lackadaisical approach. I am near divorce with all this, since it's just so creepy. He tells me not to blame her for what her mother has taught her to be (I don't, but he's not helping) her mom is the town tramp and dresses very [trashy] too, but c'mon this is his daughter already. He tells her to go in her room, but when she doesn't, he doesn't pursue it. People have made comments as to her behavior and more so this is why I've brought it to his attention since he is in the public eye often, somebody is going to say the wrong thing one day and he's not going to like it. Am I being ridiculous? Please help.
There is really something wrong here. Get the kid of the bedroom and if she continues to go into the room with him and he does nothing to cooperate with her staying out, pack your bags and get your little boy out of that environment. It's a no win situation. They are both sick.

:confused: I am so sorry you are currently in this predicament. I know in todays overly sanitised society people tend to jump to conclusions but this does sound very unnatural and unhealthy to me. Whether your husband is aware or not there is a element of sexuality to this relationship, your husband may engage in this seeing only his innocent little girl but it is not innocent, this is harmful. I would recommend you have your husband watch Lolita, which is a true story and demonstrates very clearly how a young girl can manipulate an older man with her sexuality and whilst I am not nieve to sexual abuse nor am I nieve to the ability of us damaged females to use our sexuality to gain love or power, even if it is only in our minds. My concern is why is this girl so damaged already that she behaves in this manner what has or is going on? It is your moral and ethical responsibility to have her see a doctor and investigate this further. Wishing you all the best and my thoughts are with you.
I believe that she is in a competition with you and I slyly trying to phase you out.. I am a married man with a son and 8 yr old stepdaughter and she competes with her mom in similar ways just not as sexy.. I wouldn't allow it to happen and niether should he! Its her or you, tell him to get a grip on his machismo and that affection from his own daughter doent count in that game. She is supposed to be taught how to conduct herself around men, not how to seduce and flirt with them. He is having a masculinity problem that any court could fix. Swiflty. Get him out of there before he takes all of yourself esteem as well.

I would put like a hidden camera or something in the room one night to actually see what goes on and if something does... show him and your daughter the tape (not the whole thing but just show you have evidence) and if its all your daughter who's doing it you need to have a long talk with her including g her father maybe too, and if it's the father, I would call him a sick bastard (scuse my language) and send his butt to jail... if its both of them do both the things I suggested

By the way, is it his daughter or your daughter... either way id talk with her... id sit down and talk to her about her innapropriat behavior... im twekve and I know how uncomfortable it would be being lectured about something like that but she did put herself into it

Men are funny but you are in a very difficult situation. Let's look at this just from a factual point of view. You are married to him, she is sleeping in the bed with him. Not a very pretty picture for either your marriage or either of your relationsships with this little vixen. You must find time to sit down with him and express your concerns in a calm way. It is NOT Normal for him to be sharing a bed with him. You need to be sleeping in the same room as your husband to demonstrate to both of the children that you and he are married and a united force. She is totally taking over your role in some sick way, maybe issues with her mother (who knows). As for the outfits, not okay. You need to explain that this type of dress is innapropriate for a 12 year old, PERIOD. Try and convince your husband to go to some joint counseling so that he may have an opportunity to hear this from someone objective (not the ex to grind wife). If he does not agree, then go by yourself and keep pushing this. Get him some breathe rite and reclaim your rightful place in the bedroom. This needs to stop NOW!! Good luck!

It seems to me that as long as he is taking this point of not breaking her of it when will he? When she is 18, when she has her first serious boyfriend, when she gets married? Where or when does he plan on drawing the line?
It is obvious you can not discuss it with him like it is a touchy subject so you have to ask yourself why? The only conclusion I can see is HE wants her to. Again WHY? There is no talking to him so you have two basic choices. I would either take a sleeping pill and sleep with him and be more of a wife to 'crowd' her out of the bed or I would get a divorce.
It doesn't sound like you have a marriage and she is trying to compete with you in some way. Many young girls nowadays often do have boyfriends and are having babies by the age of 12 so I don't think her part is a total innocence and naiveness. Many young teens now want to be treated like they are 21 in EVERY way.

One of my best friends is divorced and he has a daughter that is very much attached to him... but she is 3. His daughter does sleep in the same bed as him on occasion... but so does his son. I can tell you one thing though, if his daughter started pawing at him... he would be really freaked out. It concerns me greatly that your hub doesn't feel disgusted at all about this situation. It seems that he thinks the only way to give his daughter love and stability is by sharing a bed with her. That is SO wrong.
Also, the signs that the daughter is displaying is one of sexual abuse. Someone, somewhere, sometime has abused this girl sexually. When children are abused, they think that the only way they are validated as people is if they are exhibiting their sexuality. They have the idea that all that people want out of them is sex. That is why she is dressing and saying the things she does. The fact that your husband gets angry when you try to talk to him about this really concerns me too. If he was truly interested in the wellfare of his child, he would want your input. Why is he so angry about discussing the child? Does he perceive you as threatening? Does he perceive you as jealous? Hang in there and God bless!

Goinggoofy - are you still there? I think I have some answers for you (I've been there before), but are you still reading posts? Are you still with your husband?

Beenthere... the last time she was on this site was July 15 2007.

Thanks Bushg.

If your husband is snoring that loudly you should take him to have a sleep apnea test. Then he can use a c-pap, and he won't be able to cuddle up with his daughter as easily. It is very odd and I would not allow it

When you decided to start sleeping in a different room due to his snooring; was it his idea or your? If it was yours was he supportive of it? I think that is odd. I know if my husband (who snores like crazy!) knew I wanted to sleep in a different room he would be upset. As a child my friends father always wanted me to sleep in the same bed with him. He gave me a lot of attention and I started to do things to make him think of me as an adult. Soon, he crossed the line. I took myself out of the situation, but I wouldn't be looking so much at his daughter as I would be looking at your husband. Your husband is an adult and should know better. Kids look up to them and will act in the way they think will get their attention. If I were you, I would walk in, in the middle of the night, or set up a video camera. I hate to say it, but it sounds like your husband is doing something he is not suppose to be doing!