I am a 20 year old male, gay, and I am hopelessly in love with my roommate of three years. He, unfortunately, has all the symptoms of straightness. Most importantly, he has a girlfriend who he loves to have sex with.. I think. Through the years, he has become my best friend. He knows I'm gay and I have accepted that I shouldn't look for a relationship in his direction. That was all nice and fine until school let out this summer and we decided to rent a house together. His girlfriend took and internship in another state and he sees her maybe once every two weeks. Since the beginning of May, he has started to act really flirty with me and unfortunately it is working and I'm starting to fall for him in a way I haven't in a few years.

He always sits next to me with some part of his body touching me. Sometimes he randomly grabs me from behind and tells me he loves me. Sometimes he'll just sit in my lap. He gives me a lot of attention and the first thing he does when he gets home is find me and ask me what I want to do with him that afternoon. A few days he opened up to me about a couple of things he never told me before including that he didn't want to go see his girlfriend this weekend. He said it was too much of a hassle and he'd just rather stay here.

Anyway, as the weeks wore on, I started to get more and more hopeful about the possibility of something forming between us. Then all of a sudden, two days ago, he withdrew. Then his girlfriend came over to surprise him and he spent the whole weekend with her making sex sounds in their room. I hadn't realized that I had gotten so attached to him. It actually hurt me hearing those sounds on the way to the bathroom.

What should I do? I don't think I have the will power required to avoid him. He'll sense it anyway and try to get me to go out with him or something which I'll do without thinking.

Ugh, I'm in a similar situation. It's really hard to read "straight" guys because there is always a doubt about their sexuality. Unfortunately, avoiding your guy is like sneaking in after curfew, you are doomed to fail. I'd suggest that if you haven't gotten over it by the time your lease is up, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE.

You should tell him to keep it down in the bedroom, too. It is very inconsiderate to have loud sex while others are in earshot, especially since he's been hitting on you.

One quick question: how did he "withdraw" from you?

I just signed up for another year of living with him.

He isn't loud in the bedroom, I just heard a soft moan, but I mean it still hurts.

By withdraw, I mean that I had become used to him always sitting next to me. I would sit anywhere and be doing anything and he would eventually be curled up around me, leaning on me, or just simply sitting there touching me. He hasn't done that at all in the last two or three days. It wouldn't be noticeable if it wasn't something that became so common. Also it seemed like he didn't want to go out to eat alone with me last Friday.

Thanks for your answer.

Time for the hard talk, and maybe some hard decisions, as if something will not happen, you will need to know so you can decide if living together with one who is unavailable can be done. I imagine with your feelings, it would be hard to live together, and not get the same feelings back that you want to give.

Ouch, that year-long extension may have been a mistake. Try to keep a busy schedule so you don't see him as much. Date others frequently, whether you want to. Dating will do two things, show you there are other fish in the sea and keep you away from this guy. I hate to say avoid him, but creating space is the only way you'll get over him.

If he ends up coming out-and wanting to get with you-great for you! Just be careful since you live together. If it doesn't work out, you'll either have to live with him 'til your lease is up or go through the hassle of subleasing (it's awful!! ).

Thanks. I was considering just talking to him about it before I decide to just up and avoid him. I have been dating other guys on and off during the time I knew him, but I have to admit, he was at the forefront of my mind all the time. He is my best friend after all. We more than get along, we are pretty much two sides of the same coin. Pulling myself away from him will be pretty hard. I mean I do love him and he does love me. Whether its romantic or not is anyone's guess.

I know what you mean. I'm in a similar situation. When I'm around my friend that I have a crush on, it just seems right. I try to keep my distance now because I know that if I'm around him, I'll only like him more.

Yeah he is definitely avoiding me now... I guess its best. I'll just avoid him just the same.

Hold on honey... he sat in your lap? I am seriously questioning he sexuality; are you sure he is straight. It sounds to me like he was maybe being himself around you when his girlfriend was not around but when she came around again he "withdrew" in order to hide his feelings. If he is your best friend a talk about this would not harm your relationship, especially if he has been giving you mixed messages. I'm no expert on this type of situation but this all adds up to me... Good luck and let us know how it goes!

He, unfortunately, has all the symptoms of straightness.

Symptoms? Do gay guys have symptoms? :p

I could go Republican, Church-loving right-wing on you and claim homosexuality is an illness you need to be cured of, but I'm just playing around...

Anyway you really need to just ask him. Whatever answer he gives, that's what you'll have to live with (even if he tells you he's straight and you think he might be in the closet, it doesn't matter until he admits to YOU he's gay).


--huno

P.S.: so... symptoms, eh? What are the symptoms of heterosexuality, anyway? :D

All this dancing around waiting, wanting, hoping! You can debate all you want and never really know, unless you talk. People who can't talk will never know if your wasting time or not.

I'm not sure, but it sounds like he's questioning his sexuality, and he's afraid of admitting it to himself, so he had sex with his girlfriend all weekend just to prove to himself that he's not gay.

I think you guys are right. I'll talk to him today if he doesn't avoid me so much I can't find him!

Symptoms? Do gay guys have symptoms? :p

I could go Republican, Church-loving right-wing on you and claim homosexuality is an illness you need to be cured of, but I'm just playing around...

Anyway you really need to just ask him. Whatever answer he gives, that's what you'll have to live with (even if he tells you he's straight and you think he might be in the closet, it doesn't matter until he admits to YOU he's gay).


--huno

P.S.: so... symptoms, eh? What are the symptoms of heterosexuality, anyway? :D

Um, well I was using the term lightly. The symptoms he exhibits are that he has sex with a woman and acts all interested in girls. Through he lied to me about having lesbian porn once...

If he's not ready to tell you that he's gay, he won't. You'll be in the same spot if he says he's straight. Before I came out, I denied being gay when people asked me about it, and there is good reason to think he'd be doing the same thing.

Maybe you could ask him to stop being so affectionate if he starts curling up next to you after the girlfriend leaves. Don't be a douche about it, but explain to him that his behavior makes you doubt his sexuality and you don't know how to react to it.

I should just talk to him. I'm not afraid, I just thought things were building up to that away with the way he was flirting. Since he's being so weird this week I'll just confront him.

It sounds like he is confused. Maybe he was starting to feel things for you but it has scared him. I would say give him some space, not necessarily avoid him, but try not to put pressure on him. I think if you play things cool and let him come to you when he is ready might help. I just hope that if you do talk to him he might get scared or feel defensive about you questioning his sexuality- but then he IS your best friend and he knows your gay so he should have been fully aware of what he was doing as he was being so friendly with you...

I hope it all works out OK.

I swear. He is still avoiding me, but he doesn't seem to be able to very well. I'll talk to him and he'll get all friendly for a few minutes then clam up like he realized something was wrong. Why is he acting this way? I wasn't the one hitting on him, he was in the driving seat there. This is crappier than when he was confusing me about his sexuality. He's treating me like I don't mean anything to him when just last week, he was treating me like I meant everything to him. I can't talk to him when he's acting like this!

This must be extremely difficult for you. I am going to stick with the idea that he is very confused too- he seems to want to be friendly and comfortable but something scares him and makes him want to avoid the situation. Have you asked him if everything is OK? Have you ever discussed his sexuality before? Maybe he started to feel things and didn't like it, and is trying to deal with that. Have you always known you were gay? Or did you go through a confused period- like he may be experiencing. I am a straight female, so I really am clueless as to how it feels- but maybe you can think back to how things have made you feel and try to understand what he is going through. Is his girlfriend still around? Do you have other friends you can go out and just give each other some space and try to talk about it later?

I am a 20 year old male, gay, and I am hopelessly in love with my roommate of three years. He, unfortunately, has all the symptoms of straightness. Most importantly, he has a girlfriend who he loves to have sex with.. I think. Through the years, he has become my best friend. he knows I'm gay and I have accepted that I shouldn't look for a relationship in his direction. That was all nice and fine until school let out this summer and we decided to rent a house together. his girlfriend took and internship in another state and he sees her maybe once every two weeks. Since the beginning of May, he has started to act really flirty with me and unfortunately it is working and I'm starting to fall for him in a way I haven't in a few years.

He always sits next to me with some part of his body touching me. Sometimes he randomly grabs me from behind and tells me he loves me. Sometimes he'll just sit in my lap. He gives me a lot of attention and the first thing he does when he gets home is find me and ask me what I want to do with him that afternoon. A few days he opened up to me about a couple of things he never told me before including that he didn't want to go see his girlfriend this weekend. He said it was too much of a hassle and he'd just rather stay here.

Anyway, as the weeks wore on, I started to get more and more hopeful about the possibility of something forming between us. Then all of a sudden, two days ago, he withdrew. Then his girlfriend came over to surprise him and he spent the whole weekend with her making sex sounds in their room. I hadn't realized that I had gotten so attached to him. it actually hurt me hearing those sounds on the way to the bathroom.

What should I do? I don't think I have the will power required to avoid him. He'll sense it anyway and try to get me to go out with him or something which I'll do without thinking.
Well, if he's straight and knows you're gay, it sure was unusual of him to get all touchy and cuddly with you. Straight guys normally don't do that with gay guys - or do they?

I walked into him room a second ago. It went like this. I might be fun to make it into a short story. (I'll call myself Michael and him Jason)

Another day and I hadn't spent any time with Jason at all. I came downstairs looking for him, but his door was closed. It was unusual for it to be this way and it usually meant that he was either going to bed or he didn't want people to walk in on him. I figured whatever it was, I should still go see him.

I placed my ear softly against the door partly so I could gather myself and partly I could hear what was going on on the other side. After all, he could be on the phone. I couldn't hear anything but some comedian and a laugh track coming from the TV so I knocked softly. Somehow I put a lot of emotion into those three knocks. They were soft and subtle like the way I showed him I loved him.

"Hey Mike? Its okay, you can come in." he says and I open the door. He is lying across his bed without a shirt. At least that explains the closed door somewhat It is the way he usually is before bed.

"You getting ready for bed?" I ask the obvious.

"Yeah. I'm trying to decide whether or not I should take out my contacts or not." He says with a smile.

"You probably should. They always hurt your eyes when you keep them on too late." I say.

"Yeah, you're right. I guess I just don't want to get up," he says and I offer a quick chuckle at his smile as he struggles to move. That smile makes me forget what I came here to say.

"Well I'll let you get to bed. Good night." I say.

"Goodnight Mike." With that I walk out of the door and make it 10 feet down the hall to my room before I think and turn back. This time I just open the door. It looks like he was successful in moving and he's at his desk looking at something on his computer. I move to take a seat on his bed.

"Hey, Jason." I say unsure exactly how to continue.

"Yeah?" he says and turns to face me.

"Do you want to see that movie you wanted to see with me tomorrow?" I ask. The room is silent for a moment as he gets up and makes that face he so characteristically makes when he thinks about something really hard.

"I guess I should be able to," he finally says. I wonder what made him think so hard. He is free every afternoon and the movie would be on my computer, but I decide not to think about it.

"Its just that I haven't seen a lot of you lately," I say which is met by another silence so I continue. "I mean some of it is probably because I've been busy." I mentally kick myself. That's not the reason. I wait for his response though.

"Yeah," he says and pauses. "It happens I guess." I inwardly sigh. He changes the topic and he and I talk for a few minutes about the weekend. We both co-lead a club and we are hosting an activity. After a few minutes of banter he says he is ready to go to bed.

"Okay," I say and I get up..

"Mike," he says. His voice is different, softer. "I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Okay."

"Night Mike."

"Night." I say. I figure tomorrow will be another day.

Well, if he's straight and knows you're gay, it sure was unusual of him to get all touchy and cuddly with you. Straight guys normally don't do that with gay guys - or do they??

I have no idea what straight people do or want to do. All I know is that I know are my feelings and that all my friends are comfortable with me. Homophobia isn't really a problem, but everyone has his limits of course. My friend doesn't have many though. He said so himself. "You know me, I'll do about anything," he said referring to with a guy.

I walked into him room a second ago. It went like this. I might be fun to make it into a short story. (I'll call myself Michael and him Jason)

Such a wonderful story! I hope it'll have a happy ending!! *crosses fingers really, really, really hard*

Homophobia isn't really a problem, but everyone has his limits of course. My friend doesn't have many though. He said so himself. "You know me, I'll do about anything," he said referring to with a guy.

I don't know... If I were in his shoes, I wouldn't sit in your lap unless I wanted to be more than roommates! But I'm a 44-year old straight woman, so I have no clue what motivates your guy's behavior. Is he this affectionate with everybody?

this must be extremely difficult for you. I am going to stick with the idea that he is very confused too- he seems to want to be friendly and comfortable but something scares him and makes him want to avoid the situation. Have you asked him if everything is ok? Have you ever discussed his sexuality before? Maybe he started to feel things and didnt like it, and is trying to deal with that. Have you always known you were gay? Or did you go through a confused period- like he may be experiencing. I am a straight female, so I really am clueless as to how it feels- but maybe you can think back to how things have made you feel and try to understand what he is going through. Is his girlfriend still around? Do you have other friends you can go out and just give each other some space and try to talk about it later?

For me, I always had feelings for guys before I knew there was such a thing as gay. I was one of those kids who didn't know anything about sex or sexuality until about 12. People always called me gay but I never stopped to think about it until one of my closer friends called me gay (after dry humping me in my bedroom of course). I yelled at him that I wasn't and that I didn't want to do anymore stuff with him. Looking back, its odd. I regret saying that now, but I was a kid. I know that deep down, I liked the stuff we did and I guess its because every time I was called gay was an insult why I reacted that way. It was about 5 years before I came out after that.

I got called gay the whole time of course and some people asked me to do stuff with them which I always turned down. I even got myself a girlfriend to put the matter to rest. I would have had sex with her to if I could have held interest in the idea long enough to follow through. It seems like once she said yes, the novelty passed and I didn't really want to. Of course that had to do partly with my shyness about being naked with other people. I didn't have the sex drive to get me over that hump. No pun intended.

As soon as I stopped thinking I was bi, I came out in a flash. The world knew by the next Tuesday, but I'm not like most people. My parents haven't gotten over it and my extended family has called me pretty crappy things, but that didn't really stop me. With my friend, I thinkinghe would face a lot more resistance from home than I did and he already has a pretty tough home life.

I don't know... If I were in his shoes, I wouldn't sit in your lap unless I wanted to be more than roommates! But I'm a 44-year old straight woman, so I have no clue what motivates your guy's behavior. Is he this affectionate with everybody?

To be honest, he's affectionate with a few of our friends in the past. Only the guys though. During the last few years I've learned not to tell him who I think was gay among our friends because his immediate reaction would be to flirt (I should get to do that before him if at all!). I think some part of him likes the attention he gets and I guess with guys, he doesn't have to worry about a relationship. That doesn't exclude him being gay of course. The point is that he likes to flirt and be flirted with.

I think some part of him likes the attention he gets and I guess with guys, he doesn't have to worry about a relationship. That doesn't exclude him being gay of course. The point is that he likes to flirt and be flirted with.

Oh dear, that must make it even more confusing for you!

I find it odd that a 100% straight guy would flirt with other guys, but I guess it depends on what you consider "flirting".

I wish I had a clever suggestions for you at this point. Alas, I don't! *sighs* All I can do is wish you the best of luck!

Thanks

I gave up on him as of today. I'm free yay!

What happened? Did you end up talking to him about his behavior? Give us the dish!

Basically, he is really pulling a 180 from the way he was acting the last few weeks so I started to feel really silly for having such strong feelings for him. I still really like him of course, but I realize now that it would be much easier on both of us if I just let him go. There are so many fish in the sea. Fish without girlfriends. Fish who are definitely 100% gay. Smart, funny, cool fish with perfect bodies looking for fish like me. I mean tomorrow is the pride festival after all and its not like its been a long time since my last boyfriend.

(No I'm actually sad about it but I'll keep positive)

I have to commend you for your choice to pursue your own happiness, and not hold on to false hope, because I was starting to think he has his own agenda, and you where not going to be a recipient of a healthy relationship with him.

Just for closure though, he just walked in my room, sat next to me on my bed. I gave him some space. He told me I should have stayed next to him. Then he asked me if we were going to the pride festival. Ha, I'm glad I've given up on him. Such a confusing guy.

He seems like a confusing guy. If you can muster up some courage, tell him to knock it off next time he gets affectionate with you and explain why it needs to stop. I should tell you that I don't have the balls to do this to my straight crush, but as they say "Easier said than done!"

You know what was embarrassing? The two times he wanted to come into my room yesterday were the two times I happened not to be wearing anything (I decided to shave my underarms after I took a shower cause I've been putting that off for a while and I just didn't feel like putting on clothes when I got to my room). So I had to yell through the door which was gratefully locked "I'm not wearing any pants" to which I got the reply "Its okay." So I tell him to wait a sec anyway and I scramble for some pants ignoring underwear and a shirt and opened the door. That's the point where he sits right next to me on my bed. So the two of us were not wearing shirts at all and I really felt uncomfortable because I was worried that he would see that I wasn't wearing underwear or figure I was jacking off or something or realize that I had just shaved or smell the aftershave I used (not that he didn't know I shaved or jacked off, but it was still uncomfortable). So I scoot away a bit, grab a shirt and then kind of relax and leaned on my desk chair from my bed with my legs on the base.

So what does he do? He gets up off the bed and sits on the chair I'm practically straddling! That's the point where I back up and sit cross legged on my bed and he says "You could have left your legs there." I don't know if he expected me to lean back right on him something but I just shrug and say "Whatever. Doesn't matter."

So later I kind of bring up that Friday, Saturday and Sunday are the pride festival and he goes "So are we going?" Like it was obvious that we would be going together if I went. I tell him sure because, honestly, I was worrying about who I would be going with at all and was afraid to ask him. I mean he's supposed to be straight and wait a second, didn't he have a girlfriend he has sex with every weekend? Why would he want to go to a huge gay festival alone with a gay guy instead?

So it was decided that we would go today. Anyway so our friends come into my room wanting to go out for all you can eat pork night at Shonney's. So he tells them straight up that he would rather stay with me in my room and watch the TV with me. Then even more of our friends stand in the doorway and just repeat the question four or five time like some kind of mob and I say to Jason (not his real name) "you should probably go." So he turn to me and asks "yeah, I guess, so are we going?" This again implies that if we went it had to be together. I tell him that we should go and we do.

I'm just going to interject here that the last four days was all about him ignoring me and going off to places without me so this is just weird.

Anyway, so later that night was the second time he wanted to come in my room while naked. This time it was about midnight and I had already told him goodnight. What was worse this time is that I was actually considering jacking off this time and I had pulled up some porn to do it. So again I tell him "I'm not wearing any pants" and he says "Its okay, I'm not wearing a shirt," and again I tell him to wait anyway. To make it even worse was that this time I only managed to pick up a pair of shorts this time and this particular pair of shorts were kind of loose. So he just talks to me for a few minutes and leaves, all the while I'm holding the back of my shorts up behind me grateful that I hadn't managed to get hard yet!

That ends one of the most awkward confusing afternoons in a while. I found it all really funny. Sorry if I this post isn't very well written, but I was being very casual about it. I use the word 'so' and 'anyway' a lot when I'm telling stories out loud.

Ummm... maybe you should offer to give him head and see how he reacts.

What was worse this time is that I was actually considering jacking off this time and I had pulled up some porn to do it.

Maybe you should have told him through the door that you were watching gay porn and to come back when you were done. ;)

Maybe you should have told him through the door that you were watching gay porn and to come back when you were done. ;)

I hadn't actually started looking at anything. I had just opened the file. Plus he was all like "I want to talk with you" so I had to open the door.


Ummm... maybe you should offer to give him head and see how he reacts.

See, about four weeks ago out of the blue he asked me "can I suck your a.s.s(wow there is a filter here)," and then patiently waited for an answer. After my initial shock wore off enough for me to speak I answered "What?!" Then I turned him down and he laughed it off. See so it wouldn't even surprise him if I asked something as tame as giving him head.

Anyway we are off to Pride Atlanta! I'm going to go get fabulous.

You should've gone for it!

Except, that was a month ago when he was just starting to get flirty. I could only hope/assume/believe that it was a joke and/or trap.

Oh by the way, he won't let me give him head. He says he doesn't like it. The conversation was more like.

"Jason, can I give you head?"

"No."

"Right now."

"No."

"Are you sure? You can blame it on the beer."

"I don't like head honestly."

The conversation before that was:

"Jason, are you bi?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Its okay dude."

"I will never f.u.c.k a man." (oddly specific there. A stright guy would say 'I only like girls')

"So would you let him f.u.c.k you?"

He thinks for about a minute then says "yes." Then he proceeds to mount my friend next to me and he scares him for a bit then he says "I'll just blame this on the beer."

The conversation a little before that was one of my female friends talking to me.

"I don't know any gay guys with mostly guy friends."

"You mean like me?"

"Yeah, you're the only one."

Then Jason raises his hand and I say, "What about Jason, he and I have the same friends and he's gay." Jason just laughs and says he needs to change out his contacts. While he's gone, we dicide that he's gay or bi and we decide to just ask him when he returns.

Sounds like he's bi ( at the very least bi-curious), but he's afraid to admit it to himself or others. I have a friend who acts like he may be bi, but gets all pi**ed off if you ask him if he might, could be, may be possibly be bi-sexual. You have two options... Ride out the storm, or wait until your lease is up and, to quote another user, get the hell out of there. It isn't fair to you to string you along. I know you have feelings for him, but try to push them aside until he figures out what he wants. Oh, by the way, don't sit around waiting on him... make him chase after you. :D

No, I've given up on him.

Just a word to amricangayboy: That really wasn't so hard. But of course, when I asked him, there were three other friends in the room and they all agreed that he was gay or at least the most bisexual person in existence. Now I'm curious what the deal is with your straight friend.

Well, here goes: I thought he was gay when I first met him... turned out that he isn't (or at least in the closet). We have a very bizarre friendship; very sexual in nature. When we're out at the bar, he feels me up and makes jokes about how he's really going to give it to me later that night. Also, he always joked about how we were such a great couple when we worked together (and a lot of our coworkers agreed; I recently spoke to one who lives out of state now and she casually asked if we were STILL together... we were never a couple, but people assumed we were).

When his friends from college would come around, he got all uncomfortable about being around me, he wouldn't say anything sexual to me (which was weird) and would talk about girls (very disrespectfully, I might add). Anyway, he started dating this girl, and was with her for several months. I went from seeing him every day to once in a while. The strange thing is, he never let me meet this girl, didn't talk about her when I was around, and continued to be dirty when we were hanging out.

They broke up about 2 weeks ago, and he started sending me naughty messages the night that he broke up with her. Since then, he's called me every day, sometimes several times a day just to chat. We ended up hanging out last week. He kept talking about how much he needed a bj and a massage. I said "I've been known to give both" to which he laughed and was like "if I don't find a girl in the next 20min, you're my guy!"

Over the weekend, I got a smidge drunk (it was Pride) and I sent him and some other friends a message that was like "too bad you didn't come out with me tonight, i would've given you head" He called me the next day and was like "Do you even know what you sent me? Were you serious?" He was really uncomfortable with the message (which I thought was relatively bland) and now he's avoiding me. I'm just completely confused, I never know if he's joking or serious, I don't get why he has become uncomfortable with my sexual jokes, especially since he makes them toward me, and I don't know why he changes his behavior so dramatically when certain friends are around (well, I have an idea, but I can't say for sure).

First question. Do you mean Atlanta Pride? Second, your guy seems even more blatant than mine and its funny that he reacted about the same way my guy did. What did you say when he asked you if you were serious?

No, I live in the midwest. I passive aggressively said "what do you think?" and now I'm kicking myself. The problem is that I'm never sure if he's joking or not... he's very hard to read.

OK

Hmm, joking like that is usually a way to do what you want to do something you couldn't do otherwise without a consequence. I hope you guys good luck and remember that if he doesn't come around, there are plenty of gayer fish in the sea.

Hey Synder, do think you could help me figure out it my bud is gay or not. It doesn't matter to me whether he is or not but I'm just curious...

Yeah, he just asked me out for drinks tonight and he always makes the joke "with a few drinks in me, you might get lucky" (not that that's ever worked out before, but he has felt me up!)

I know there are other fish in the sea, I've seen MANY of them. But this guy is just so everything that I want (except out of the closet). He's cute, funny, really smart, has good taste in music, he's not pretentious, has a good job, he's very masculine (for a gay man, a little femme for a straight) Oh well, one of these days someone will knock my socks off!

Sounds like a person totally confused, who has some curiosity but isn't ready for it full on. Perhaps he's merely testing the waters with flirting etc. Don't let yourself get to involved! Or you may set yourself up for a big fall!

In fact I thought I fell in love with a best friend of mine for a year or two, I was obsessed! It was so unhealthy, I even went through a stage of experimenting with guys. However I know now I am not gay but maybe a little curious. Maybe he is going through a stage.

Anyway I am all for women, apart from the shopping part and obsessive cleaning habits - I assume this comes into play when married or living together?

I don't believe people go through sexual phases (men at least) because research indicates that male sexual orientation is stable, unlike women. I would definitely get involved if the opportunity presented itself, even though it might end up being purely sexual. Thanks for your concern though.

BTW Jiser-you're straight and fell in love with your best friend of the same sex? Just clarifying

Hey Synder, do think you could help me figure out it my bud is gay or not. It doesn't matter to me whether he is or not but i'm just curious...

Sure, tell me about him.

I don't believe people go through sexual phases (men at least) because research indicates that male sexual orientation is stable, unlike women. I would definitely get involved if the opportunity presented itself, even though it might end up being purely sexual. Thanks for your concern though.

BTW Jiser-you're straight and fell in love with your best friend of the same sex? Just clarifying

Love is a really confusing thing. You can fall head over heels for someone of any sex without a sexual component at all. Sexuality isn't clearcut either. I look forward to a day when we don't draw those lines and people can explore their feelings without all the weight that comes with it.

I mean look at me. I fell in love with my best friend and I don't even find him particularly attractive. Love is deeper than a lot of things. I know he loves me. There was a time I think he love me more than anyone else. I know there was I time I felt that way about him and it wasn't until a few weeks ago did I start to want to become his boyfriend. Somehow the two weren't related.

To be 100% honest, I don't know if I'm 100% gay myself. I know I think guys are attractive and I know I don't feel like having sex with women. On the other hand, I can find women attractive and I don't think about sex when I think about guys. I can't stand gay porn, I'll just watch someone jack off or something, but if it gets too gay I'll switch to something else. Now don't get me wrong, I am out of the closet gay, but it isn't like the line is really clear. Maybe I'm just not driven by sex.

Oh great you saw my question. Well I've been friends with this guy for about 4 years and I met him when I met my boyfriend, the went to the same school... they are friends. Here is what makes me suspicious: he has mostly girl friends, very gossipy, he has guy friends but gets jealous acting when they don't give him attention, he is very sassy with my boyfriend and just makes comments that make you wonder, he has never had a girlfriend(although he claims to "like" certain women), and his voice and body language are very different for a guy, especially for a large African American guy. I have a gay friend who knows "James" and he told me that "James" has commented him on his "beautiful eyes" What do you think about all of this?

Sounds a little gay to me. If you want to be sure, you could show him gay porn and watch for a tent to form lol

Lol, I would hate to embarrass him. The other day his phone rang and it played that "secret lover" song and I was like "who is that" and he said it was one of his buds who also acts a little gay and then he got a little quiet like "oh no I wasn't suppose to say that." Lol if he is I wish he'd just tell me!

Question, what makes you think he could be straight?

Well... he claims he is straight but I think he is gay.

Hmmm... I hate that. I wish (jokingly) that I was psychic so there wouldn't be all of this confusion surrounding straights. You never can tell what's going on upstairs lol Just last week I hooked up with a 28 year old closet case who was raised in Chicago (not the suburbs, the actual city!) It's not like he grew up in a hostile environment and he said his parents are pretty liberal. Also, he was TOTALLY butch... beer drinking, football watching, nut scratching straighty.

He may be. Is there any other reasons though?

Not really besides my gut feeling...

Hmmm...I hate that. I wish (jokingly) that I was psychic so there wouldn't be all of this confusion surrounding straights. You never can tell what's going on upstairs lol Just last week I hooked up with a 28 year old closet case who was raised in Chicago (not the suburbs, the actual city!) It's not like he grew up in a hostile environment and he said his parents are pretty liberal. Also, he was TOTALLY butch...beer drinking, football watching, nut scratching straighty.

Okay, none of those things makes a person straight or gay as I guess you found out. I like football I know gay guys who play football , lots of gay guys drink beer, and sometimes the nuts itch. I think most of the problem is that for every stereotypically gay guy, there are five guys who blend in seamlessly.

Ummm... that's my point exactly. He was nothing that you imagine a gay (or in his case bi) man would be, but he still had sex with men. My point is the only people we can be sure about are those of us who have come out as gay (well, I guess that's not 100% true but people are more likely to lie and say they're straight than the opposite).

Not really besides my gut feeling...

Well it all depends on how far you want to go to find out. Ask him or take him up on one of his innuendos. Make sure whatever you do, you have his feelings in mind and you don't corner him or put unnecessary stress on you or your relationship with him.

I completely understand! I won't ask him, it doesn't matter to me. If he ever wants to tell me then I'm sure he will... until then, we will still be the best of buds!

Thanks for both of your input BTW! Good luck in both of your situation also!

Here is another one, there is a guy in my class (college). With him, I just have a feeling. No evidence, no years of friendship. I actually only met him a few weeks ago. He just seems kind of... well gay.

So I become his lab partner basically because he was cute and that... feeling. The only thing I noticed was that he didn't mind brushing up against me (randomly on accident) or reaching over and around me while we did experiments. He seems like the quiet type. I'll catch him outside of class reading some novel. In class, even though he has been there for almost two months now, he doesn't seem to talk to the girl he sits near to or anyone really. So I found out his name and I looked him up on Facebook. He's one of those people who doesn't list what gender he's interested in. He also didn't have more than 35 friends at my school which is really low for a third year. He has a ton of pictures though. The ones he has posted himself aren't of him or his friends, but one particular guy.

Some of them include a girl, but most are of the guy. Him sleeping, him at a park, him posing in front of a statue. The comments he makes are stuff like "aw soooo cute" or "omg hawt." The thing is, that guy he has pictures of is pretty cute actually and in all the 170+ pictures people have posted of him, none of them include a girl and him together going back three years so I figure he's probably gay and that my gaydar is working at least a little.

Telling pple your str8 not being flirty with boys etc...